beneath the stains of time.

johnny cash' hurt on repeat.

... beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt...

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

and that is the point of going away for so long. starting again, a million miles away. finding a way.


i've posted my dates up on FB profile for those of you who are still confused. to be fair, there are plenty of dates. suffice to say, i probably won't be quite back in action till 24th december. i leave this sunday night for the first leg. that's about a solid month of jetting about.


and what do i hope to get out of this? well ideally, i'd find an ilhan- mansiz lookalike in istanbul who happens to be a comparative lit phd student in oxford uni taking a winter break. or perhaps a brooding novelist wannabe, banging away (OOH) on his typewriter by the gentle breeze of phu quoc. cuz you know, that would be really convenient, if not slightly assholic, to just use someone to get over this pain/ forget his name.


but more realistically, i hope to come back happy. i've always known traveling makes me happy- from the purchase to the planning to the actual trip itself. and i think now more than any other time, i need this. earlier this year, especially after buying SA tickets, i thought i'd spend december quietly in singapore, quality time with loved ones and maybe a little asian tour of sorts.


but of course we all know life derails itself from time to time and we must adapt and manage. so this is me adapting. yes by blowing my yet- to- confirmed end- of- year bonus on multiple trips. so sue me. we all need our outlets. i don't buy gucci handbags, i don't need fancy phones. i just want to be on a foreign land.


i think it'd be rather silly to expect to come back and be ALL EEZ WELL. i'm sure i will still struggle and stumble, and in fact i foresee some of this struggling and stumbling and inevitable crying to take place while on the very holidays that are supposed to cheer me up.


this ain't no eat pray love shit (i have not read nor watched it, i am not judging!). i like to travel, and more than that i like to travel alone. it's just that at this point of time in my life, i feel like i need to do so more than ever, and so off i go.


a month from now i hope to be happier. that is all.


oh also- shout out to a kind reader who dropped me a note via FB. this blog has brought so many kind people into my life.


i owe it to myself, my mum, my friends and all you kind people to get back up and be me again. in good time, yes?

It is perhaps sad books that best console us when we are sad, and to lonely service stations that we should drive when there is no one for us to hold or love.- Alain de Botton, Art of Travel

well in my case it's a lonely island, but it shall do. oh and in case you haven't, PLEASE read de Botton's Art of Travel. an EXCELLENT book that i cannot recommend enough. read it on my eurotrip, and it's just... stunning. if you love travel/ sociology like i do, you'd love this.


so a last quote from the wise man, and i'll be off. be well people, and have a rocking good December!

There is psychological pleasure in this takeoff, too, for the swiftness of the plane’s ascent is an exemplary symbol of transformation. The display of power can inspire us to imagine analogous, decisive shifts in our own lives, to imagine that we, too, might one day surge above much that now looms over us.

one day.

1:22:00 AM ·