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because i am too tired to sleep.

yes apparently that happens. when the exhaustion is so overwhelming and all you can do is sit and stare at things. i attempted to MSN with friends but that required too much energy. so i twittered and facebook- ed a little, and did no work at all. i did not nap since my return (6.30 p.m.) and canceled my tuition. its not a very good day at all.


started off all wrong, with the stupid kettle. we don't have hot water in the toilets (we never renovated this place) so every morning i boil water and pour it into the pail. today as i was pouring the kettle swung towards my hand, scalding my middle finger quite badly, and burning my 4th finger slightly. put some toothpaste on it immediately but by the time i was in school there was that ugly swollen blister. its really tempting to poke it but colleagues said that will risk infection so i am trying to be a good girl and not kill myself (or my fingers).


well that aside i only had 1 class. the lesson itself went well but during contact time with my form class i had to punish one of the kids. it was terrible, i don't even remember their names yet but this class needs a tight rein. so there goes victim no. 1.


it was quite sad to come back to staff room and listen to happy stories of discussing future CIP activities and class t- shirts whereas my first contact time with them was nothing short of a failure. oh well.


anyway i wanted to blog about a conversation i had with peepee. we discussed the unique challenges of teaching at this school, and how we handle it. and then inevitably the race matter was brought up because let's face it, i am a brownie in a sea of caramel (lite!) fudge.


we talked about how these kids struggle to conceptualize someone other than their race due to their socialization. and how, for some of them, having me in their class is a struggle. because i don't wear a tudung and i don't teach malay, they cannot fit me into their ready- made boxes of how a malay lady should be/ look like. and i don't blame them at all. at this age, this is where education comes in and create revolutions (or something like that).


as we talked about it, we discussed the question of "who are you?" and we realized for both of us, our race did not define us. when asked who am i, my first response is not; i'm malay. nor is it i'm a girl or i'm singaporean. at the very core of my being, i recognize myself as a person- i am foremost a reader, a traveler, a teacher. a football fan and so on and so forth.


we agreed that religion does not come into play in this as religion provides a different kind of definition to personality altogether. and it was refreshing and truth be told, a relief to meet a kindred soul, who even more fortunately, sits right next to me. so she's right there to share my buns (heh heh heh) and crack lame jokes to cheer me up.


despite today and the inevitable future struggles, i still know how lucky i am to be here and i will never stop being grateful.


now, to try and sleep.

10:14:00 PM ·