and so it is.

well. day 2 of school came and gone and tomorrow's my break. i hope i get to keep my 3 day week, though it seems the arts faculty is hell- bent on making me come to school on wednesday, cuz the tutorial dates for one of my lectures has been changed. will work that out.

had dinner with dizzie just now at BK holland vee. it was good to catch up again. yesterday i met norm, and we had lunch with suresh then he accompanied me to YIH. i've also met sara, husni, nianlong, mastura, idil and dr gana, which thus covers all the people i know in NUS.

went for a swim before lecture just now, got 6 laps, which wasn't too bad. but it was quite packed, which i'm not used to i guess since it was quite empty during the vacation time. and i don't know if i'm imagining things but the waters look murky when there's too many people in it. ack.

i should be moving to my clementi house soon, which is a very very good thing. cuz right now there's a chinese soap opera going on somewhere in this flat, and i can hear all of it and understand nada.

after a bit of confusion and muddled dropping and re- bidding, i am now taking; SC3203, Race & Ethnic Relations; SC3202, Ritual, Performance and Symbolic Action; GEK1025, Reading Visual Images; TS1101E, Intro to Theatre Studies and HY2248, Asian American History. anyone taking these classes and see a lone malay girl sitting by the aisle with a big bag on the seat next to hers do feel free to say hi or ignore me. the reason why i put the bag there is because if i don't take a module with suresh/ dizzie i don't usually sit beside anyone in particular and i hate the pressure of small talk when its just you and another person. so i put a bag beside me so no one can actually sit beside me and thus i don't have to talk to anyone. this plan failed today when a year 1 science fac student came and sat beside my bag (!) and proceeded, to, horror of horrors, make small talk. which i'm totally inept at.

"hi! are you in arts?"
"ya."
"oh okay, i'm in year 1 science!"
"oh okay."
"is this module very difficult?"
"umm, i don't know. for a non- soci major, perhaps."
"oh okay; i'm a chem major!"

err i would be freaking out if i were her cuz its a level 3 module in a sociology, which isn't even in her faculty much less department. but kids nowadays like challenges, so who am i to stop her. at one point she asked me what was CA and i told her and she apologized. i guess she could sense my... reluctance to chat. oh well.

no purple boy sighting as yet! rare bird indeed.

its my last semester in NUS and to commemorate that i actually changed the welcome message on my IVLE page to "THIS IS YOUR LAST SEM WHOO HOO!" yes, in caps.

i'm quite sad on weekends, cuz i got no cable so must go out to catch EPL matches or miss out on them and catch up on them via Y! news. :( :( :( anyone got cable would be so kind so as to lend me his/ her home to be my EPL viewing ground? sigh.

among other things i've busied myself with is to investigate the disappearance of madeline mccann. and suresh will have you know that i am a snazzy detective. all that CSI- watching hath not gone to waste, i assureth thee.

i'm thinking of my graduation. i'll be graduating end of this sem, but the ceremony itself takes place next year in july. by then i'll be working for 6 months or so already, and totally over school, i think. then all these new graduates will be so excited cuz they're finishing school and graduating with honors. and i'll be wearing a different coloured gown cuz mine's just a BA. but when you choose a different path in life it doesn't always come easy so i just have to stop being stupid about these things and look forward to 5- 7 years down the road when i get to do my post- grad in melb uni. till then i shall just finish this sem, get a job, wear the damn gown and pretend to be happy for as long as i can.

there are no words to describe a sadness so deepseated that you only realize it when you're alone and trying to sleep. everyday i wake up thinking, i'll be fine, today will be different, today happiness will be real but it doesn't work that way. i wish i was the way i was before but too many things has changed and too much time has passed. its been so long that i don't even remember why i started being sad, but like the pringles chips once you pop, you can't stop!

some people and some things make me happy but its so fleeting and temporal. i know what i have to do to be myself again but to get to it isn't as easy as i wish it was. i wish i could stop talking in circles too. its tiring.

okay happy things! now.

well national day was fun. i went to vivocity with banana and mum then after catching some fireworks we played air hockey, mum went home, we sat and yakked (among other things ;) by the sea and then she got hungry and wanted raisin bun (!!! which seriously, farhana, i still don't get the appeal) from 7- 11 but both the 7- 11 at vivo and cheers at harbourfront was closed. so we walked (yes walked) to SENTOSA and we got in for free cuz the ticket counter was closed.

then we reached sentosa and got sick of walking and hailed a cab to siloso beach. where we found an open 7- 11 which had raisin bun and SARA LEE POUND CAKE and large bottled mineral water. we sat somewhere high up, talked some more, ate, scratched, and laughed. after a while we moved about then we sat near the shuttle bus terminal singing songs. aerosmith, britney spears, boyzIImen, nothing was missed. we even sang isabella and when i got really bored i started singing, "satu hari di hari raya, ku lihat cahaya bersinar indah..." blablabla. i love raya songs.

and though this year i don't have plans to celebrate i'm quite happy to know my birthday is arriving! i turn 22! no more 21. i'm still alive and healthy and blessed by all sorts of pleasures, so i count myself lucky. and with much prayer, maybe by then or on that day itself, this little cloud of sadness that has seemingly settled over me will pass by and i will blog regularly again. cuz honestly, i don't blog anymore cuz i find myself lacking positive snippets. and i loathe sad blogs so i don't want to make mine one. so yes, happy fiza = regular blogging! :D

i think once i move out of here i'll be happier too. and once i get a tuition job/ any jobs. for now the idea of not earning any money worries me.

i think i miss some people, but weirdly enough i'm not sure who. i think maybe dizzie, suresh and sara. which is weird, i know, cuz i just saw them/ see them everyday. but i miss talking to them proper. and selfishly enough i feel that if i unload enough at them, i will feel better. like i said, selfish. that said, unloading = me babbling. i don't need help/ advice, just a ear will do. ooh cliches, cliches, what would i be without you.

you know what makes me happy? winning at air hockey. really! but from what i've learnt from the game with farhana, i shouldn't play it with a low cut top or un- buttoned shirt, she said her puck nearly went into my top. !!!! madness. and and and after watching simpsons with diz and nehneh, we played air hockey. at one point our puck was IN THE AIR! SPINNING! wah like those typical disney channel sports movies where the final shot/ goal/ etc is in slo- mo and it spins in the air/ around the hoop/ etc before going in. super drama i liiiiike.

you know what would make me happy? a purple boy sighting. so if you want, you could, you know, kidnap him, put burlap sack around his head and all, drive him to a secret location where i will meet you both, look at him, then you can release him back where you found him. its just a suggestion.


i think having a crush makes me happy too but sadly i don't have a crush on anyone new. then again i haven't fully scanned the new batch of boys, maybe there'll be some good ones. but they're gonna be younger! not like it matters cuz its a crush but a crush can be trivially complicated which is where all the fun is. e.g. my issues over purple boy's racial make- up. haha! and i date an indian. and you think god don't exist??? then who's making all these jokes hmm hmm hmm?

sara: do you wanna go watch gwen stefani?
me: dowan. i want to watch engelbert humperdinck!
sara, diz, nehneh: ................................

i have the musical tastes of a 50 year old, the attention span of a toddler, and the face of a teenager**. what am i going to do with myself.

** its true! the other day at geylang when mum was buying scarves the uncle asked what primary level i'm in. HELLO, PRIMARY?! okay granted he's old so maybe his gauging skills not so cun but its not the first time. people always ask if i'm in primary or secondary school. whyyyy la whyyyy. am i that short?

does anyone else know if eka mairina joining live the dream is a violation of the contract she won upon winning anugerah years ago? or contract expired already so can join is it? its so weird to see her in another singing competition. its like taufik batisah joining anugerah. abit senseless right. and you know something's wrong if i'm commenting on random local singers.

eh but i like aliff aziz la! he so cute! AAAH *groupie scream*! oh to be 16 again. i will SO have a crush on him and stalk him on friendster and add him and send him 'meaningful' messages hinting at wanting to be his STEADY HAHAHAHAHAHA.

but too bad la hor, now i am going to be 22, can only ask to be his KAKAK ANGKAT. WHAHAHAHAHA. okay do they do that anymore? sound steady la, sound kakak angkat abang angkat, adik angkat etc. everything also want to angkat. crazy. last time in secondary school everyone who was 'someone' had a sister/ brother angkat. fierce. me and farhana only had each other cuz we were kental nak mampus HAHA.

i give up on translating the above malay phrases. its too... colloquial. but today i watched that suria show, the malay teacher on the talk show said CANNOT MIX UP ENGLISH AND MALAY! its bad for the language and culture. i guess i probably knew that but i can't help it.

sometimes i feel obliged to speak malay e.g. to another malay or when talking about malay things (? whatever that would be). but within the sentence there's bound to be a word i want to say in english which for the life of me, i can't find the malay translation for. as in, in my brain. that said, there's some words i don't know the english version of. like say, kangkong? bayam? chup chye? sawi? okay they are all sayur- sayuran/ vegetable but ya. does anyone know what is chye sim? isn't that chinese? and because of this confusion over vegetables (in different languages!) i always think water hyacinth is the name of a vegetable. TSK.

okay i think i've blogged enough to make up for the lack of blogposts recently. and given the content i've covered all bases; drama, humor, tragedy (my malay proficiency being the greatest tragedy) and dialogue. wa- la!

okay i am happy. :)

1:13:00 AM ·