I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
the young ones.
reading through my old archives, i realized why i blog.
to laugh at myself in retrospect, to mock my mistakes, to snigger a bit, to widen my eyes in horror at my folly...
and to come back to reality now, and realize that i am back at square one, and just as foolish.
is my life destined to be a comedy of errors? cuz its increasingly not funny. i can't wait for bidding to ensue and for school to start so that i will actually start feeling something- be it anger, frustration, or exasperation. feeling something is way better than feeling hollowed out like a scalpeled watermelon.
i feel dried and emptied inside out and if someone were to prick me with a needle i will just deflate and be a belon kempes on the floor. i've never felt so at loss of words, never felt so lonely, never felt so sad.
to laugh at myself in retrospect, to mock my mistakes, to snigger a bit, to widen my eyes in horror at my folly...
and to come back to reality now, and realize that i am back at square one, and just as foolish.
is my life destined to be a comedy of errors? cuz its increasingly not funny. i can't wait for bidding to ensue and for school to start so that i will actually start feeling something- be it anger, frustration, or exasperation. feeling something is way better than feeling hollowed out like a scalpeled watermelon.
i feel dried and emptied inside out and if someone were to prick me with a needle i will just deflate and be a belon kempes on the floor. i've never felt so at loss of words, never felt so lonely, never felt so sad.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
so won't you sing.
among other things i've been up to these past few days; karaoke. with nas, his friend yani and apizzz. hahaha.
you know which was my favourite? not conga, not britney spears, not boyzone. even though apiz's dance was a classic. and apiz your ning impersonation came a close second. but this, this is mindblowingly addictive.
Tak ku hiraukan panas mentari lagi
Demi cinta kurela menanti
Takkan goyang walau badai kan melanda
Seribu tahun kutetap setia
Lupakanlah dukamu yang silam
Hulur tanganmu sambut kasihku
Mari bersama kita melangkah
Membina cinta abadi
that's it hor. next time Ria or Warna plays this we must WAIL along as we did that night okay. hahaha. keganas yang teramat lor. siap loudhailer all apiz. haha. part kepasrahaaaaan dia kat depan tu jangan lupa eh. haha.
as you can tell i am not going to bother translating the above because i lazy. and because its for hafiz anyway. and i'm sure he understood that. PANCAINDERA! DERMAGA! KEYWAT! its wonderful the new words you can learn in one night.
haha.
so its not as bad as i may have made it sound, but that doesn't mean its all okay either. then again can you ever ask for more from life? it is what it is and i'm grateful for everything.
went for training today and it felt quite shiok. long time haven't play footy, nearly forgot how it felt. almost like coming home.
i try hard not to think of new york, cuz unlike melbourne reminiscing about this one fills me up with too much longing it becomes a deep kind of sadness, over and above the funk i am already in. i just tell myself i will be there again someday, only that time older, happier, and for much longer.
i feel like everything i ever knew about life, about myself, is unravelling out of me. like i'm a ball of yarn and all that long, long tangled threads is unravelling, and i can only stare in wonderment at my follies and tears of past. not to say there weren't happy moments but i think at this point of time in life i am trying to give up optimism for a bit cuz i have found it a bit too tiring to be happy all the time.
in other news, i need to find a new way to get to school from this new place. it is ironically near but for the life of me i cannot figure a route to school that doesn't involve long bus rides or multiple transfers between buses and trains. the horror.
live for the good ones, they say. but sometimes we forget, no?
you know which was my favourite? not conga, not britney spears, not boyzone. even though apiz's dance was a classic. and apiz your ning impersonation came a close second. but this, this is mindblowingly addictive.
Tak ku hiraukan panas mentari lagi
Demi cinta kurela menanti
Takkan goyang walau badai kan melanda
Seribu tahun kutetap setia
Lupakanlah dukamu yang silam
Hulur tanganmu sambut kasihku
Mari bersama kita melangkah
Membina cinta abadi
that's it hor. next time Ria or Warna plays this we must WAIL along as we did that night okay. hahaha. keganas yang teramat lor. siap loudhailer all apiz. haha. part kepasrahaaaaan dia kat depan tu jangan lupa eh. haha.
as you can tell i am not going to bother translating the above because i lazy. and because its for hafiz anyway. and i'm sure he understood that. PANCAINDERA! DERMAGA! KEYWAT! its wonderful the new words you can learn in one night.
haha.
so its not as bad as i may have made it sound, but that doesn't mean its all okay either. then again can you ever ask for more from life? it is what it is and i'm grateful for everything.
went for training today and it felt quite shiok. long time haven't play footy, nearly forgot how it felt. almost like coming home.
i try hard not to think of new york, cuz unlike melbourne reminiscing about this one fills me up with too much longing it becomes a deep kind of sadness, over and above the funk i am already in. i just tell myself i will be there again someday, only that time older, happier, and for much longer.
i feel like everything i ever knew about life, about myself, is unravelling out of me. like i'm a ball of yarn and all that long, long tangled threads is unravelling, and i can only stare in wonderment at my follies and tears of past. not to say there weren't happy moments but i think at this point of time in life i am trying to give up optimism for a bit cuz i have found it a bit too tiring to be happy all the time.
in other news, i need to find a new way to get to school from this new place. it is ironically near but for the life of me i cannot figure a route to school that doesn't involve long bus rides or multiple transfers between buses and trains. the horror.
live for the good ones, they say. but sometimes we forget, no?
Sunday, July 22, 2007
in this life.
when i blog less i seem to get more ideas for prose and general possible novels/ stories. excitingableesque. :)
i also like aliff aziz (for now), the beatles (still), purple boy (temporary relapse!) and school (for now).
goes to show some things don't change. and when they do, they change forever. life is so weird in so many ways. sometimes i wish i could just understand everything so that i won't be so clueless all the time.
a happy place in the sky. i found it, and i will again, someday. i know. its just taking some time, and a lot of faith. maybe more than i can give for now.
in other news; 70% finalised modules for AY 07- 08. LAF1201 i.e. French 1, GEK1025 Reading Visual Images by Archi, a GEM under group A. non- examinable. TS1101E, Theatre Exposure. SC3220; Ritual. SC3203; Race. dundo.
so anyone taking the same, let me know okay? its my last sem, so i wanna make it a good one. but i always do, and i always forget. but maybe this time it'll be different.
maybe maybe baby.
i also like aliff aziz (for now), the beatles (still), purple boy (temporary relapse!) and school (for now).
goes to show some things don't change. and when they do, they change forever. life is so weird in so many ways. sometimes i wish i could just understand everything so that i won't be so clueless all the time.
a happy place in the sky. i found it, and i will again, someday. i know. its just taking some time, and a lot of faith. maybe more than i can give for now.
in other news; 70% finalised modules for AY 07- 08. LAF1201 i.e. French 1, GEK1025 Reading Visual Images by Archi, a GEM under group A. non- examinable. TS1101E, Theatre Exposure. SC3220; Ritual. SC3203; Race. dundo.
so anyone taking the same, let me know okay? its my last sem, so i wanna make it a good one. but i always do, and i always forget. but maybe this time it'll be different.
maybe maybe baby.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
stop, hold, pause.
things need sorting out. i need sorting out. one of these days i will be totally honest on this blog and say what i feel without worrying about corrupting the happyshalala vibe i've created for this personal space.
for now, i think i need to find my own happy place first.
for now, i think i need to find my own happy place first.
Monday, July 16, 2007
let's pretend.
photos have been uploaded here, here, here, here aaaaaaaaaaand here. :) yes, there's 5 albums. and that's only 60% of it. trigger- happy.
been a long day, and am still quite jet- lagged. but i don't wanna sleep now and wake up later, so i shall random- surf. i miss new york.
there's alot of things i miss. some things i don't even think i ever had but i miss it anyway. growing up is such a pain sometimes. i can't be bothered to be poetic or melancholic about it, cuz sometimes coherence is over- hyped and things are just are what they are. and growing up sucks ass.
listening to the beatles throws me back to a time i miss. 9 years old, a beatles fan in the making, singing should 'ave known better into a hairbrush before a closet mirror. in a wooden house in a quaint lovely malaysian village. if i knew i'd be here i would have stayed there forever.
its getting harder not to cry just humming the beatles to myself. maybe its a quarter- life crisis. maybe its just the exhaustion from jet lag. maybe its misplaced nostalgia. its getting hard not to get teary eyed thinking of now. i think i am happy but if there's a but after that line it means i'm not sure, doesn't it? but maybe there's no such thing as definite happiness. maybe happiness, like everything else in life is meant to be transient. maybe its the pursuit that matters, not happiness itself. sometimes i think too much and get myself confused and hurt and i don't know how to tell anyone, don't know how to explain what i can't explain to myself.
and i know soon i will edit this post and delete what i'd rather hide.
been a long day, and am still quite jet- lagged. but i don't wanna sleep now and wake up later, so i shall random- surf. i miss new york.
there's alot of things i miss. some things i don't even think i ever had but i miss it anyway. growing up is such a pain sometimes. i can't be bothered to be poetic or melancholic about it, cuz sometimes coherence is over- hyped and things are just are what they are. and growing up sucks ass.
listening to the beatles throws me back to a time i miss. 9 years old, a beatles fan in the making, singing should 'ave known better into a hairbrush before a closet mirror. in a wooden house in a quaint lovely malaysian village. if i knew i'd be here i would have stayed there forever.
its getting harder not to cry just humming the beatles to myself. maybe its a quarter- life crisis. maybe its just the exhaustion from jet lag. maybe its misplaced nostalgia. its getting hard not to get teary eyed thinking of now. i think i am happy but if there's a but after that line it means i'm not sure, doesn't it? but maybe there's no such thing as definite happiness. maybe happiness, like everything else in life is meant to be transient. maybe its the pursuit that matters, not happiness itself. sometimes i think too much and get myself confused and hurt and i don't know how to tell anyone, don't know how to explain what i can't explain to myself.
and i know soon i will edit this post and delete what i'd rather hide.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
home!
first on the to- do list was changi village nasi lemak and bandung, which i got thanks to hafiz. loved it. especially the alleycats album playing in the background. thanks for the drive home apizzzz. we shall meet soon for your 4 tees!
flight arrived at 1 a.m. and got home at 3 a.m. finally slept at 5 a.m. not too bad. woke up at 3 p.m. watched some tv then it was newton circus for dinner. i've eaten so much spicy food i am still sweating right now.
i miss new york! it felt like another home. it was very weird, taking the flight out of new york. it felt the same way as me taking a flight out of singapore... like i am leaving only temporarily, but not for long, or forever. i will come back.
there's so much to say, and i am quite overwhelmed by the emotions post- new york. so more when i am more coherent. for now, ugly betty. :D
flight arrived at 1 a.m. and got home at 3 a.m. finally slept at 5 a.m. not too bad. woke up at 3 p.m. watched some tv then it was newton circus for dinner. i've eaten so much spicy food i am still sweating right now.
i miss new york! it felt like another home. it was very weird, taking the flight out of new york. it felt the same way as me taking a flight out of singapore... like i am leaving only temporarily, but not for long, or forever. i will come back.
there's so much to say, and i am quite overwhelmed by the emotions post- new york. so more when i am more coherent. for now, ugly betty. :D
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
i'll be home soon!
yay! i miss spicy food and talking to my mum and general singaporean things.
i hate traveling in groups. what am i talking about? i'm traveling alone right? WRONKKK. because i joined suresh in yale i inadvertently became part of the usp group in yale/ ny and ugh. i hate traveling in groups la. but this wasn't so bad cuz i was hanging out with suresh, weilong and occasionally lucas. but ya- many people= mafanism of the highest order. i like doing my own things at my own time and blablabla. you know la how it is when you want to get 10 people just moving in a general direction but everyone is waiting for everyone and etc? ya.
so anyway. i joined them cuz i wanted to tag along for the UN trip. which was worth it, of course, but i'm glad its over and i'm couchsurfing again, this time in greenwich village smack in the middle of NYU! whoopee!
so my host is this very very nice guy who has a very cute son who is away at summer camp. and because of work, he is away too and the whole apartment is mine! level 20 of 300 mercer st. i hear celebrities live here. happening lor. when he comes back i wanna try to get him to get me up to the rooftop poolhouse, i heard the view is brilliant. free mah! better than paying to go up empire state.
i come back this friday 9 am which is friday 9 pm there, and arrive at changi at around 1 am sunday. is anyone gonna be there?! i got alot of bags leiii.
i've done a bit of shopping but its not at fun as in melbourne cuz i multiply everything by 1.5 and something cheap in USD isn't always cheap in SGD. but i've managed. i even have a virgin megastore membership now la. hahaha.
this is random and un- fiza, i would think, but i just feel a need to say it. while i am quite liberal about most things and rarely take offense to these things, but sometimes when a girl flirts with my boyfriend it can rile me up. i dunno why (some?) people assume i am/ will be okay with it. do i look like a doormat to you? its not a get- your- hands- off- my- man nor a stop- talking- like- a- baby feeling, but more of a excuse- me- can- you- not- behave- like- i- don't- exist feeling. i think my mistake is i always like to think everyone is nice (until proven guilty or summat) and i treat everyone with a level of respect i expect to be reciprocated. and when it isn't, it pisses me off, whichever manner in which the disrespect is manifested. i keep telling myself its time to stop thinking so highly of the human race, so maybe this is a good time as any to stop thinking such.
i need to buy notebooks for school! i've already bought the very eymehhriicken and ol skool "composition" black and white marble notebook but i also want the prettier ones from urban as well as barnes & nobles so we shall see. and and and i bought a comic book today! about 9/11. $3! sale. yay. and i love how there's such a huge variety of comics here, its not just all marvel and superheroes, but actual graphic novels. say comics in singapore and all i see is mangaaa. speaking of which, i miss fruits! fruits here are so expensive that when i finally bought grapes and watermelon when in new haven i did a happy dance which made the man at the counter look at me quizzically and upon explaining the joy i attain from FRUITS, he laughed.
oh and i wrote a post about my beatles tribute band concert/ brunch buffet experience. will post that soon. for now just know that i was tearing for a good 5 minutes.
new york is really a place where dreams can come true. wanna see the UN? go ahead. wanna see the closest thing ever to the beatles? step right into times square. want to watch a 50s movie featuring audrey hepburn? go to the park.
i think i am quite contented now. the next time i travel i'll head to asia and preferably with my mum. and the next big trip will hopefully be europe or specifically- liverpool/ UK. i can't wait to start earning money right and proper really, if it only meant saving and scrimping like the good ol' days, to get myself onto another continent. :)
p.s: faidz, what's the pay for part- timers at borders?
i hate traveling in groups. what am i talking about? i'm traveling alone right? WRONKKK. because i joined suresh in yale i inadvertently became part of the usp group in yale/ ny and ugh. i hate traveling in groups la. but this wasn't so bad cuz i was hanging out with suresh, weilong and occasionally lucas. but ya- many people= mafanism of the highest order. i like doing my own things at my own time and blablabla. you know la how it is when you want to get 10 people just moving in a general direction but everyone is waiting for everyone and etc? ya.
so anyway. i joined them cuz i wanted to tag along for the UN trip. which was worth it, of course, but i'm glad its over and i'm couchsurfing again, this time in greenwich village smack in the middle of NYU! whoopee!
so my host is this very very nice guy who has a very cute son who is away at summer camp. and because of work, he is away too and the whole apartment is mine! level 20 of 300 mercer st. i hear celebrities live here. happening lor. when he comes back i wanna try to get him to get me up to the rooftop poolhouse, i heard the view is brilliant. free mah! better than paying to go up empire state.
i come back this friday 9 am which is friday 9 pm there, and arrive at changi at around 1 am sunday. is anyone gonna be there?! i got alot of bags leiii.
i've done a bit of shopping but its not at fun as in melbourne cuz i multiply everything by 1.5 and something cheap in USD isn't always cheap in SGD. but i've managed. i even have a virgin megastore membership now la. hahaha.
this is random and un- fiza, i would think, but i just feel a need to say it. while i am quite liberal about most things and rarely take offense to these things, but sometimes when a girl flirts with my boyfriend it can rile me up. i dunno why (some?) people assume i am/ will be okay with it. do i look like a doormat to you? its not a get- your- hands- off- my- man nor a stop- talking- like- a- baby feeling, but more of a excuse- me- can- you- not- behave- like- i- don't- exist feeling. i think my mistake is i always like to think everyone is nice (until proven guilty or summat) and i treat everyone with a level of respect i expect to be reciprocated. and when it isn't, it pisses me off, whichever manner in which the disrespect is manifested. i keep telling myself its time to stop thinking so highly of the human race, so maybe this is a good time as any to stop thinking such.
i need to buy notebooks for school! i've already bought the very eymehhriicken and ol skool "composition" black and white marble notebook but i also want the prettier ones from urban as well as barnes & nobles so we shall see. and and and i bought a comic book today! about 9/11. $3! sale. yay. and i love how there's such a huge variety of comics here, its not just all marvel and superheroes, but actual graphic novels. say comics in singapore and all i see is mangaaa. speaking of which, i miss fruits! fruits here are so expensive that when i finally bought grapes and watermelon when in new haven i did a happy dance which made the man at the counter look at me quizzically and upon explaining the joy i attain from FRUITS, he laughed.
oh and i wrote a post about my beatles tribute band concert/ brunch buffet experience. will post that soon. for now just know that i was tearing for a good 5 minutes.
new york is really a place where dreams can come true. wanna see the UN? go ahead. wanna see the closest thing ever to the beatles? step right into times square. want to watch a 50s movie featuring audrey hepburn? go to the park.
i think i am quite contented now. the next time i travel i'll head to asia and preferably with my mum. and the next big trip will hopefully be europe or specifically- liverpool/ UK. i can't wait to start earning money right and proper really, if it only meant saving and scrimping like the good ol' days, to get myself onto another continent. :)
p.s: faidz, what's the pay for part- timers at borders?
Friday, July 06, 2007
to the Big Apple (again)!
yay leaving new haven for new york! joy joy joy! *throws confetti all over blog*
have to pack soon and then go out and meet the nehneh who is doing a test for $10 now for lunch! thai buffet mmmm!
yesterday we attempted to have a night out and walked around the town and we got so bored by 8. unbelievable. how can any town actually be this boring? highlight of trip would be going into urban outfitters for the bajillionth time and discovering a nice tee in size M but still fit me fine, and a pair of funky undies for mum. and and and a nice leathery brown bag on SALE! and since i have been such a nice girlfriend spending a whole week in new haven when i can be in new york, suresh bought me the bag. :D yay new school bag!
and since i have been able to save up so much money prior to new york, now i can look forward to spending like a mean machine when i'm in the big city! and that includes touristy things like (either) ellis island ferry or going up empire state! :D:D:D:D yayyyy!
and and and i've been allowed by the NUS/ USP prof here to join the rest of them at the UNHQ visit this monday!!!! UN!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
so yes, happy days await. and i'm couchsurfing again, this time in greenwich village (only where FRIENDS was set in :) with kiki/ lenny. his apartment has a doorman. exciting much?
its so much more fun traveling and living in a real place than staying in a hotel. while i also enjoy backpacker's hostel for its hippie vibe, nothing is more authentic than an actual stay with a local. for those of you avid travelers who don't mind the bohemian life a bit, i strongly suggest joining couchsurfing.com cuz its really been nothing but fun fun fun. from the meet- ups to the stays. you don't have to open your couch to anyone cuz its not an obligation. you can just meet someone traveling in your country for coffee/ drinks instead, and walla! new international friend.
in other news, i miss homecooked food! i want sambal udang. black pepper crab. sambal stingray. mmmm.
then there's the dreading loom of no, not school, but job- hunting. thanks to the ceasing of sinda tuitions. urgh. i've gotten so used to teaching sinda tuition i don't think i can actually do private tuition anymore. and i hate going via agents cuz they take 50% of your first pay. nyeh. maybe i should work borders part- time... even though i'm quite sure the part- time pay is not exactly stellar. shall see how it goes.
i'm quite excited for school though! have i said that before then swallowed my words? i don't know. but anyway. for several reasons. mainly cuz its my last semester. hip hip hurray, anyone? maybe i will be sentimental when it all ends but for now the ending is quite something to look forward to. though i fear entering the working world/ dark side, i don't mind a change right now. secondly, i am doing modules i like, well at least most of them. doing ritual practice and race & ethnicity. and theatre studies! and reading american texts. since i read so much anyway. and and and a GEM. about social services and volunteer work- hafiz, i think its the one you wanted to do last sem. you didn't do it right? do this sem ah with me. so that covers my last 5 modules for my academic life in NUS. hmm.
this trip has been quite thereupatic. a little selfish too, i know. but i think i needed it. not to go to new york or anywhere hours away but just to get away and reflect abit over the mess (or not) that i've created over the past 4 years. and what i plan to do in the future. a definite turning point would definitely be deciding not to do honours early this year. it set the course for several changes. and while the path in uncertain somehow i feel the destination is most definite- unimelb. while i've been switching between NYU and unimelb, unimelb had decided to go one up on NYU and come up with the most brilliant masters program ever; masters in creative writing, publishing & editing. its almost as if it was created just for me, that.
but the craving persists, for NYU. maybe its silly, how can you have a crush on a city and university? but i have it so be it. maybe my PHD. maybe if i choose to pursue another field of study, NYU can be the next stop. to limit myself to unimelb and one masters seem shallow now, seeing how my host, fabio, had 1 bachelor's degree, 2 masters in 2 different fields of study, and 1 PHd. how overachieving would it be then, for me, to pursue everything i want, in light of everything he has?
i feel free. extremely. maybe its the traveling, but i also know this feeling will come home with me. the knowledge that i can. just can. so free.
have to pack soon and then go out and meet the nehneh who is doing a test for $10 now for lunch! thai buffet mmmm!
yesterday we attempted to have a night out and walked around the town and we got so bored by 8. unbelievable. how can any town actually be this boring? highlight of trip would be going into urban outfitters for the bajillionth time and discovering a nice tee in size M but still fit me fine, and a pair of funky undies for mum. and and and a nice leathery brown bag on SALE! and since i have been such a nice girlfriend spending a whole week in new haven when i can be in new york, suresh bought me the bag. :D yay new school bag!
and since i have been able to save up so much money prior to new york, now i can look forward to spending like a mean machine when i'm in the big city! and that includes touristy things like (either) ellis island ferry or going up empire state! :D:D:D:D yayyyy!
and and and i've been allowed by the NUS/ USP prof here to join the rest of them at the UNHQ visit this monday!!!! UN!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
so yes, happy days await. and i'm couchsurfing again, this time in greenwich village (only where FRIENDS was set in :) with kiki/ lenny. his apartment has a doorman. exciting much?
its so much more fun traveling and living in a real place than staying in a hotel. while i also enjoy backpacker's hostel for its hippie vibe, nothing is more authentic than an actual stay with a local. for those of you avid travelers who don't mind the bohemian life a bit, i strongly suggest joining couchsurfing.com cuz its really been nothing but fun fun fun. from the meet- ups to the stays. you don't have to open your couch to anyone cuz its not an obligation. you can just meet someone traveling in your country for coffee/ drinks instead, and walla! new international friend.
in other news, i miss homecooked food! i want sambal udang. black pepper crab. sambal stingray. mmmm.
then there's the dreading loom of no, not school, but job- hunting. thanks to the ceasing of sinda tuitions. urgh. i've gotten so used to teaching sinda tuition i don't think i can actually do private tuition anymore. and i hate going via agents cuz they take 50% of your first pay. nyeh. maybe i should work borders part- time... even though i'm quite sure the part- time pay is not exactly stellar. shall see how it goes.
i'm quite excited for school though! have i said that before then swallowed my words? i don't know. but anyway. for several reasons. mainly cuz its my last semester. hip hip hurray, anyone? maybe i will be sentimental when it all ends but for now the ending is quite something to look forward to. though i fear entering the working world/ dark side, i don't mind a change right now. secondly, i am doing modules i like, well at least most of them. doing ritual practice and race & ethnicity. and theatre studies! and reading american texts. since i read so much anyway. and and and a GEM. about social services and volunteer work- hafiz, i think its the one you wanted to do last sem. you didn't do it right? do this sem ah with me. so that covers my last 5 modules for my academic life in NUS. hmm.
this trip has been quite thereupatic. a little selfish too, i know. but i think i needed it. not to go to new york or anywhere hours away but just to get away and reflect abit over the mess (or not) that i've created over the past 4 years. and what i plan to do in the future. a definite turning point would definitely be deciding not to do honours early this year. it set the course for several changes. and while the path in uncertain somehow i feel the destination is most definite- unimelb. while i've been switching between NYU and unimelb, unimelb had decided to go one up on NYU and come up with the most brilliant masters program ever; masters in creative writing, publishing & editing. its almost as if it was created just for me, that.
but the craving persists, for NYU. maybe its silly, how can you have a crush on a city and university? but i have it so be it. maybe my PHD. maybe if i choose to pursue another field of study, NYU can be the next stop. to limit myself to unimelb and one masters seem shallow now, seeing how my host, fabio, had 1 bachelor's degree, 2 masters in 2 different fields of study, and 1 PHd. how overachieving would it be then, for me, to pursue everything i want, in light of everything he has?
i feel free. extremely. maybe its the traveling, but i also know this feeling will come home with me. the knowledge that i can. just can. so free.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
happy 4th july... not.
so it rained over here, meaning NO FIREWORKS. its postponed to tomorrow, 5th of july. have you ever heard of a 4th of july celebrations on the 5th of july? yeap, i didn't think so. there is alot of gunshot sounds right now though, which misleadingly sounds like fireworks but i think that's just the filming for indiana jones. and even that is no longer interesting. no wonder yale students are so smart, nothing else to do here but study.
today we went on a bit of walk, weilong and suresh took pictures of yale while i just tried to keep myself warm in my $4 salvation army sweater. prior to that me and suresh had kickass lunch at an indian place called tandoor place. $4.95 for a vegetarian set meal comprising of choice of curry/ gravy, basmati rice and pappadum. $5.95 for non- veg. i got a shrimp curry and an additional plate of naan. they had 3 types of spiciness which you can choose from- medium hot, very hot, and very very hot. i naturally chose the last while suresh initially went for medium. he changed his mind when i rolled my eyes and went with very hot which he described as, "SO SPICY AH!" it wasn't.
my shrimp curry was nice and spicy just like normal homecooked food okay. not mega- spicy or anything. oh and the naans! the NAANS! i'm beginning to appreciate naans more here. naans are cheaper than prata (or as they call it; parantha) here. oddities of life.
and lo and behold, the dinner at morse college (where most of the summer sesh students are) stunk. except for the fish! the FISH! yum yum. grilled tilapia. i had two! on its own. cuz the rice was some funky beans and carrots rice that looked too orange. and according to weilong and lucas, the pork tasted like rubber. so hooray for fish! and what's the point of free hall dinners (or tea, as well call it, cuz its at bloody 5.30 p.m.) if it taste so horrible that we end up going out for dinner again, at night? which by the way, is proper dinner time.
i have a fellow USAllergic compatriot here in weilong. though sometimes it feels quite hypocritical to bitch about USA (yea, the way girls bitch about other girls- same thing haha) when we actually paid money to come here. but it is a worthy experience and proved everything i thought true. while it is terribly alarming how eymehhricken these people are, it is also quite expected, seeing this is a small town and all. you don't get the same vibe in new york city, where it is most definitely more cosmopolitan and has a more varied and international flavour. which i guess is just a matter of demographics, NYC is much bigger and has more migrants than New Haven.
that being said i think the ivy league culture here makes me nauseatic. i think only harvard and yale has such intense culture, mainly due to their location in small towns. quite literally, the highlight of new haven is yale university. everything here pretty much revolves alround yale. highly disturbing. i haven't been there yet but i would think columbia university, another ivy leaguer, wouldn't have as intense an ivy league culture, mainly cuz it is in new york city and surrounded by several other universities with several other specializations. like tisch, parson's, etc. i don't think the people there buy into the culture as much as yale and harvard does.
its a good thing i'm here though, there's alot of research being done in summer and hence alot of participants needed. i just earned $21 for 2 hours of tests on tuesday and i plan on doing it again tomorrow and friday. i blew all the money on books at atticus which was having 40% off. but don't worry strand, i remain loyal to only you. i got 3 books for $22 which i think its not bad, seeing that 2 of them are hard to find in singapore. one is timolean vitea comes home by dan rhodes, the other is extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foer. yes, the same guy who wrote everything is illuminated. which is easily available in singapore so no hurry. the other one i wanna get is falling man by don dellilo. oh the other book i got was sophie's world- for $4. i've always wanted to read it but never got down to buying it so there you go. my current book loot stands at 4, not including the ones i brought here. already me and suresh and considering shipping our books home cuz our luggage is extremely full as it is.
oh exciting news! i am going to a beatles tribute concert this saturday!!! WHOOPEE! its a tribute band because half the beatles are dead. and yes, that is the answer to the question, "but tribute band? why tribute band?" its $37.50 including a buffet lunch spread that includes MAC AND CHEESE! brilliante.
and on the 8th its our anniversary so i plan to drag him down to serendipity cafe. yay! and on monday we'll go to bryant park to catch a movie in the park. new york is so fun! and when i go back new york i continue couchsurfing which i haven't gotten the chance to do here since everyone is here so i just hang around morse college. i miss couchsurfing. oh and here's a pic of my host, fabio peixoto!
hensem right! i think he looks like a much older kaka. hurhur.
stirling memorial library.
me and rockerfeller.
colourful wall of m&m's! so!many!colours!
now i want to go eat proper dinner. like 2 pieces of grilled fish. tehhhhhh.
okay we're not. cuz weilong ate banana nut crunch so he's not hungry. tehhhhh. boys are stupid.
today we went on a bit of walk, weilong and suresh took pictures of yale while i just tried to keep myself warm in my $4 salvation army sweater. prior to that me and suresh had kickass lunch at an indian place called tandoor place. $4.95 for a vegetarian set meal comprising of choice of curry/ gravy, basmati rice and pappadum. $5.95 for non- veg. i got a shrimp curry and an additional plate of naan. they had 3 types of spiciness which you can choose from- medium hot, very hot, and very very hot. i naturally chose the last while suresh initially went for medium. he changed his mind when i rolled my eyes and went with very hot which he described as, "SO SPICY AH!" it wasn't.
my shrimp curry was nice and spicy just like normal homecooked food okay. not mega- spicy or anything. oh and the naans! the NAANS! i'm beginning to appreciate naans more here. naans are cheaper than prata (or as they call it; parantha) here. oddities of life.
and lo and behold, the dinner at morse college (where most of the summer sesh students are) stunk. except for the fish! the FISH! yum yum. grilled tilapia. i had two! on its own. cuz the rice was some funky beans and carrots rice that looked too orange. and according to weilong and lucas, the pork tasted like rubber. so hooray for fish! and what's the point of free hall dinners (or tea, as well call it, cuz its at bloody 5.30 p.m.) if it taste so horrible that we end up going out for dinner again, at night? which by the way, is proper dinner time.
i have a fellow USAllergic compatriot here in weilong. though sometimes it feels quite hypocritical to bitch about USA (yea, the way girls bitch about other girls- same thing haha) when we actually paid money to come here. but it is a worthy experience and proved everything i thought true. while it is terribly alarming how eymehhricken these people are, it is also quite expected, seeing this is a small town and all. you don't get the same vibe in new york city, where it is most definitely more cosmopolitan and has a more varied and international flavour. which i guess is just a matter of demographics, NYC is much bigger and has more migrants than New Haven.
that being said i think the ivy league culture here makes me nauseatic. i think only harvard and yale has such intense culture, mainly due to their location in small towns. quite literally, the highlight of new haven is yale university. everything here pretty much revolves alround yale. highly disturbing. i haven't been there yet but i would think columbia university, another ivy leaguer, wouldn't have as intense an ivy league culture, mainly cuz it is in new york city and surrounded by several other universities with several other specializations. like tisch, parson's, etc. i don't think the people there buy into the culture as much as yale and harvard does.
its a good thing i'm here though, there's alot of research being done in summer and hence alot of participants needed. i just earned $21 for 2 hours of tests on tuesday and i plan on doing it again tomorrow and friday. i blew all the money on books at atticus which was having 40% off. but don't worry strand, i remain loyal to only you. i got 3 books for $22 which i think its not bad, seeing that 2 of them are hard to find in singapore. one is timolean vitea comes home by dan rhodes, the other is extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foer. yes, the same guy who wrote everything is illuminated. which is easily available in singapore so no hurry. the other one i wanna get is falling man by don dellilo. oh the other book i got was sophie's world- for $4. i've always wanted to read it but never got down to buying it so there you go. my current book loot stands at 4, not including the ones i brought here. already me and suresh and considering shipping our books home cuz our luggage is extremely full as it is.
oh exciting news! i am going to a beatles tribute concert this saturday!!! WHOOPEE! its a tribute band because half the beatles are dead. and yes, that is the answer to the question, "but tribute band? why tribute band?" its $37.50 including a buffet lunch spread that includes MAC AND CHEESE! brilliante.
and on the 8th its our anniversary so i plan to drag him down to serendipity cafe. yay! and on monday we'll go to bryant park to catch a movie in the park. new york is so fun! and when i go back new york i continue couchsurfing which i haven't gotten the chance to do here since everyone is here so i just hang around morse college. i miss couchsurfing. oh and here's a pic of my host, fabio peixoto!
hensem right! i think he looks like a much older kaka. hurhur.
stirling memorial library.
me and rockerfeller.
colourful wall of m&m's! so!many!colours!
now i want to go eat proper dinner. like 2 pieces of grilled fish. tehhhhhh.
okay we're not. cuz weilong ate banana nut crunch so he's not hungry. tehhhhh. boys are stupid.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
i miss new york.
so new haven is a small cutesy town with very few shops (no H&M's!) and the stuff on sale at urban outfitters aren't the nice ones. so. hafiz, have you transferred the cash? please put in an extra $5 or so cuz like in melbourne there's surcharge for withdrawing monehh here. you want transformers t- shirts? here got alot. simpsons, transformers, ninja turtle, all got. haha. yale tshirt also got. you want? hehehehe.
anyway so i can't wait to go back to new york. new haven is nice, but of course nothing beats new york. more pictures, proper shopping, then mad dash to do every new yorkish thing i can think of before going home.
so pictures! cuz i'm too lazy to talk. from the top, as usual.
me in a recreated egyptian tomb, me in front of "river nile", the empire state, what i believe to be the chrysler, zeus, julius ceasar with a broken nose, hercules and his big balls, a headless venus (how masochistic), giant $1.75 pizza, gothic middle age art, madness of mermaid parade, view of lower manhattan from across central park reservoir, me in front of the metropolitan museum of art which requires a whole day to go through actually, and me in front of new york public library.