being obscure clearly.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

friday nights.

came home after school. well not immediately after. i managed to nap while the heavens heaved and everyone got a nice shower. :) i love sleeping in the rain.

went home with the nehneh, we managed to visit the pasar malam (favourite dating spot?) near my place, and he got a me a purse! a purdypurdy purse. so i'm happy. we also got rojak and longan to drink. walked me home, then he went back while i returned to the night market to meet my mum and get her dinner.

a few minutes into the first S- League match of the season (i love tampines rovers!) i realized that i brought my shorts, jersey, socks, sports bra for tomorrow's match, but NO BOOTS! intelligence of the highest order la.

so had to go back to pgp, thank god mum's friend could drive us back. supper- ed at fong seng, met alot of people i know. i think niqqi's cheese prata is one place i'd miss most about singapore/ nus. and its not even 'official' nus grounds. prfft.

quite excited about 21st april. :D:D:D some know why. whatever happens, i think i'll learn alot from it, so that alone is a good reason to go.

have to start on my qualitative paper soon, due this coming thursday instead of friday, cuz its good friday. but yay! long break! but have to mug already. :(

sent in my application for USP- Stanford. please pray i get in. san francisco! golden gate! sigh. i crave a holiday.

i applied for the SPH internship and attached a few writing samples. and so i figured, i might as well post the one i wrote for that travel writing workshop i went for some time back. i need to sleep soon anyway, since i have to be at bedok at NINE AM tomorrow. things i'll do for soccer. beyond comprehension.

"Many have asked why I enjoyed my Melbourne trip so much. They don’t understand how I could possibly enjoy spending 2 weeks alone in a city much like

Singapore

, only with shorter opening hours. “What do you do when the shops close at 5?” What they don’t understand was having nothing to do, make it all the more special.

Traveling for me is escapism. In Melbourne, I managed to escape the flurry of Singapore’s rat race while still enjoying the conveniences of city life. People in Melbourne just seemed to have more… time. Time to shop, time stop for a chat, time to say hi, time to just do as pretty much they please. And that attitude to life is highly contagious. It wasn’t long before I was saying Hi to salespersons at shops I enter, or smiling at random strangers passing me by. By the end of my trip I was making conversations while queuing for the cashier at Safeway, something I would never do back home in Singapore.

Melbourne reminded me of me; its idiosyncrasies matched my own melting pot of a personality. Old architecture stood formidably next to skyscraping apartments. They had malls, and they had ‘arcades’. A walk under a freeway meant encountering numerous street art, graffiti and posters for upcoming underground events, but only a few footsteps further towards Yarra River led to the discovery of aboriginal art. Melbourne makes no excuses for its living, breathing contradictions; it just simply is that way. And that allowed me to simply be me.

The clanging noise of trams married with the eccentric weather (summers of 15 degrees celsius, who would have thought?) and its streets of talented buskers made Melbourne, quite simply, pleasantly livable. While many choose to use it as a starting point for a drive down to Great Ocean Road or Phillips Island, to me Melbourne was the whole point.

So what do I do after 5? Curl up in the sofa with a good book and a mug of hot chocolate, or when I’m feeling rich, curl up with a god book and a slice of chocolate heaven from one of the many cafes in Lygon Street… and watch life walk on by."

good night!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

wah- hey!

i have no idea how this ended up in my laptop but i think its got something to do with my mum MMSing this photo to her email and opening it via my laptop over the weekend. kan? my mum should so be on that "nenek saya pandai blog!" show on suria. i forgot its actual name.

but anyway yeap, that's me and the mum. so old school right her face. last time 80s she considered hot chick okay. HAHAHA.

hi mum i know you're reading this. how? got anymore old school photos for me to upload? anyhow whack my laptop some more la uh.

did i say that i loathe you?

i am delirious with joy for no apparent reason.

and i mean it. NO APPARENT REASON.

i am so tempted to laugh to myself out loud right now but at 1.46 a.m. that prospect scares even me.

my laptop battery is dying. i want to do readings, but i also need sleep. today i watched american idol and ate canadian pizza.

i'm having a good week so far. you?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

shoo- wop bee doo dah.

happy! so happy i am going to watch pursuit of happyness to further emphasize how happy i am.

why? because its a free day and all i did today was sleep, make waffles, and soon, go for training. HAPPY THINGS make me HAPPY!

i am going to become a better person over the period between now and unimelb because 1) that's what we all strive to do anyway and 2) i want to be nominated for an award that will ease my financial burden. why not right?

i'm also happy cuz i ALMOST MISSED the notice on the internship at SPH! wahlao FASS ah. they really should have notification emails or what la. like if you don't check the FASS website, you won't know jackshit. so now i've submitted my application part 1 and will submit part 2 in a bit. i hope i get this SPH one. i'm gunning for publications, and not newspapers, contrary to popular belief. i don't want to report, i want to write. got difference. its the same reason why i want to have a postgrad diploma/ Masters in creative writing, not journalism. got difference okay! all these things got difference!

okay i don't know what that was all about.

so. since i have once named my world 'the land of missed opportunities' the fact that i've so far managed to apply for the stuff that i want to apply for ON TIME means that land is soon departing, and a new one will arrive. so maybe my world is not actually made up of lands, but its actually akin to enid blyton's magic faraway tree that is so tall and mighty and climbs into clouds where on top of all this TREE is a magic land! from all sorts of places! you know? sometimes its candyland, toyland, whatever land. whooh i miss childhood.

so yes, my world is actually a magic faraway tree that has a slide in its trunk, and many many residents. i like moon- face!

eh i just read the institute of policy studies internship. wah seh the stipend is $440/ mth lor. and its until august. CRAZY AH cheap labour until like that!

okay so anyway. lately i'm jobhunting alot, even though i still have another sem to go before entering the working world. i'm getting scared by thoughts of joblessness. i keep hearing people telling me "Start giving out your resume now!" but it doesn't make much sense to me cuz i still have umm... lemme see. 9 months to go? will they actually hold the job for 9 months? but then again i am only an undergraduate what do i know. so i've signed up for online job portals, and tried as best i could to make a resume that is impressive enough. but it doesn't look very impressive to me. so i must do more things!

i can't believe my NUS days are coming to a close so soon. have i actually spent THREE years in this institution? unbelievable.

while i can't say i've fallen in love with the system, i am in love with some of its people. up till now i still meet new people and make new friends, and no, far from networking, these are friends i'd like to meet up with for coffee/ shopping, not business/ career talks. people who help me stay awake at 3 a.m. so that i can do my readings, people who meet me up for lunch on days suresh can't, haha.

weekend was lovely, training on saturday, followed by home, nap, BBQ at east coast, several sidetracking with shirleen before finally reaching home. which reminds me of another point: i am so glad i finally joined nus women's soccer. if nothing else, it has given me the most fun group of girls to kick about with.

sunday was general bumming and tv watching. mum returned from port dickson, so we had macs for dinner. then home again for more tv, yak, and sleep.

someday, when i'm awfully low, when the world is cold, i will feel a glow, just thinking of these... hahaha.

oh i love happy days. i remembered some time back, someone unknowingly snarked about my blog to someone who actually knew me... "i can't stand her blog la! so lalala everyday also so happy! so annoying."

-_-

you know, i have blogs that annoy me too. blogs that are so full of angst, blogs that are pink, blogs that requires me to click on many different buttons to see posts/ tag/ etc, but because they annoy me, i stopped reading. and oh my god, you know, that annoyance? it STOPPED! now would wonder never cease.

i saw this certain person the other day in school and she smiled at me, say hi etc. we actually got to know each other via my very annoying blog. so my point is, excuse me, if you don't like me, don't need to read about me, and don't need to feel oblige to say hi also. buang current only, you know? you feel all eye- rolly after that, then your boyfriend must nudge you cuz i am still like uh, 10cm away, then i feel so plastic, being surrounded by plastics like you.

nonsense ponsense.

if i don't stop blogging soon, i will be late for class. but i have an issue. what should i wear for the movie later? going vivocity, yay! i love that mall on a weekday. so nice and empty.

i want a nice white top. i'll see if i can find one later. vivovivoyeahhh.

oh btw farhana if you read this, i was wondering if after i graduate you want to live together? we can rent a nice apartment and feeling- feeling together all. there's been some change in plans for me and my mum which i will update you about when we meet at the next full moon but till then, see you on MSN and let me know. love you muchomucho.

okay la i go training now. maybe drop by science to see maya's booth if got time. hmm. happy tuesday!

Friday, March 23, 2007

you eropagnisians.

wanted to upload my eropagnis yesterday but blogger failed me so i decided to boycott blogger for a day. will keep it for rainy days, i.e. days where i'm too lazy to blog but want to give you guys something to read cuz i secretly wish to be a library.

back from town. phew. mum is off to port dickson to meet the cousin who's getting married soon. how time flies. i remember going there before i started NUS, and telling myself i must come here again, before i graduate, before i get married, before life catches up on us all. but i think life has already caught on. but i'm sure he's happy, and i am too, for him. and mum should enjoy her weekend break. so all is good and dandy.

school 1o- 2. ghana wasn't feeling well, so he made us do 'fieldwork' which was translated by melvin, chris and co. as slack at forum. hurrr. but i got to do reading for this module's paper! so all is not lost. rah.

finally submitted the family project. harrowing to say the least, but i shan't harp on it. its over and done with, and i shall move on to better things in life. that said, thank you to those who have listened to my rants. and thank you mr. chiang for a very nice letter declaring my involvement in IVP which allowed the 2- day extension. mwahahaha.

went home for a bit after school/ lunch/ src/ submitting my paper, cuz HDB was checking the house for structural defects, or something. rushed home, rested for a bit, then off to town for nehneh's pasta.

walked around after pastamania, but saw nothing of interest. only a pretty mint green cardigan which cost $15, but lately i'm more reluctant to part with my cash.

okay i must take that back ABIT cuz on my way to ghana lecture i saw a pretty bag on sale at AS7 corridor but there was no one at the bench so i went to lecture. when it was canceled we walked past it again and the girl was there so i bought the bag. its yellow, made of felt/ flannel, and has a funky retro-y pattern in front of it. and its $10, so i rock, once again.

but point is i have my tuition pay, and i could have spent it on something for myself especially since i have a $10 topshop voucher, but i didn't buy for the sake of buying, cuz there wasn't anything nice. DELAYED GRATIFICATION! its working!

its been a while since i had a truly genuine happy post not full of rants/ whines/ descriptions of busy days/ exhaustion. i am truly sorry. hahaha.

and to further emphasize the glorious joy and sunshine emanating from this happy post, i shall post a picture of one brilliant saturday afternoon i had a long long time ago.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

ice- cream with my darling nieces. hot saturday afternoon post- soccer, sitting on the steps with sticky limey- vanilla liquid trickling down our finger to our toes. much love, yes.

my three darlings. nothing compares.

and since then, i haven't taken a shot till... TODAY! that's how madbusy i've been. oops, sorry, no busy talk.

its a good day when i have time to look up at the sky...

meet my favourite menboys (APIZ! PUSSY FACE!)...

and test out a new face.

thank you nehneh for vanilla latte with hazelnut shot. i desperately wanted to talk to you, catch up in general, for though we see each other everyday, its become so rudimentary cuz i've been caught up in so much, i know. but somehow i felt saying something might spoil it all, that the silence between us was just perfect, and i knew you'd love it too.

oh on thursday (yesterday right? i'm losing track of time, geez) i watched the SR Nathan Cup finals with the girls at NUS field. ITE vs NYP. NYP won in the end but i was so rooting for ITE. they were more skillful, and in the end it was decided by penalties, which is always a pity. but the ITE supporters came out in full force, complete with drums and maracas and all that stuff, like wicked aura batucada, the buskers who made it to womad with their samba drumming. yeah. very cool.

i've done my laundry and now await it to be done, so i can put it in the dryer. now, did you need to know that? i guess not.

i just remembered i forgot to buy cupcakes today. :( never mind, next tuesday! maya: *wink wink*

tomorrow is friendly against SAJC, home, liyana's birthday bbq at east coast, then home, then start of paper on sunday. i plan to start revising on monday, but we all know i'm full of shit (in more ways than one), so let's not go on.

i love today, and the coming weekend, and hopefully the weeks to come will prove less exhausting than the past few weeks. that's it.

we'll fly, away.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

i saw snails mating post- rain.

how sweet.

just got back from tuition. fong seng is closed! the blasphemy of it all. what are nus- ians supposed to eat when there is no fong seng? hmm hmm hmm? i am going to die from fongseng withdrawal symptoms.

i dreamt that i went to melbourne! yeah i know old news but this time its alot more interesting. cuz farhana, hafiz, and suresh who were sending me off decided to join me! hahaha. so there i was with luggage and all, then i checked in, then hafiz decided he wanted to join me, so he bought a ticket (this only possible on Amazing Race, usually planes are fully booked -_-) to melbourne too. then farhana decided what the hey, and so she joined us. then suresh asked if i had enough in my account to add on to what he had, so all of us shared some money to buy HIM a ticket to melbourne. HAHAHA.

we stayed at a hotel near "girindo street/road" or something like that. i'm pretty sure its non- existent. the hotel was bourke/ b_______ on 28. something like that. it had alot of swimming pools. its hotels were terraced and each room had a balcony where there was a tiny pool/ pond. then there was an indoor heated pool. we even met hafiz's brother after that, and we all went to DFO. sheesh.

this goes to show that if i spend too much time with hafiz i will be influenced by his melbmope. hahaha. "i miss the aussie accent!" "i miss melbourne!" "i miss..... (something)!"

met him at macs yesterday. he already ate before i got there. got my big mac. then it was off to nassar's studio to study, dance to MC Hammer, and make fun of Malaysian boybands. still miraculously managed to get some work done.

left at 9ish, got wedges at kgourmet, then sambal fried rice from jumbo. did readings, worked on paper abit, then slept.

i'm trying to think of a place in singapore where i can go to "getaway" for abit, a place that calms me down. i can think of a few, but i can also think of its drawbacks. i should be less nitpicky.

i have so many people to call/ text messages to that i'm tempted to just hide in my cave till there's no more daylight. i don't deal with busy- ness very well.

alright. project due friday, paper due thursday, posting due today. will be done!

i hate march. this stupid busy period. there i said it. i hate you, march!

in other news, i love the paper i'm writing for anthro. helps that its only one page long. and its about singapore! exoticized singapore, that is. funfun.

why can't school be a happier place.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

a break.

resting a bit today, before starting on my paper(s). won the game yesterday, but i didn't get to play. then again the team was doing fine there was no reason to substitute anyone. so all's well ends well.

dinner-ed at clementi with the girls. birthday party at east coast this saturday. i should go. i'm leaving nus in a sem and it'll be a waste to not develop strong friendships before i leave. someone suggested i should come back and play as alumni whenever i can. :)) i would love that.

lecture tomorrow, then tuition at 7. thinking of dropping by the field to watch the boys play, SR Nathan Cup. some of the girls are going, and i guess it'll be better than napping in my room. hur.

need to start on paper soon. but i'm hungry! i don't know where suresh is, probably in school. his classes end at 6. -_- i'm gonna be a rotting human corpse by then.

oh! okay i got plans! hafiz is in school (HE BRUFF ME YESTERDAY HE SAY HE NOT COMING PANTAT) so we going macs! NOW!

i haven't bathe.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

post 1678.

happy sunday.

woke up at 3 p.m. the joys of weekend.

yesterday was lovely evening out with the banana, longjohn dinner, kruger at esplanade, coffee at starbucks. simple days to be treasured. long chats, career options, further studies, migration, boys boys, all types of boys. haha.

football tonight, and CSI(s). paper due wednesday and thursday. reading for tomorrow's class. work work work. "hmm, i've never had a break break. then again, who will pay for my break?"

gap year. a year of travelling, bumming, 'experiencing life' before entering the working world. volunteer in africa, learn spanish in spain, visit sights in rome, such. backpack europe, the works.

no time. have to start working asap. earn money, save money. invest, unit trusts, comfortable life in 2.5 years time. suffer now, enjoy later. delayed gratification.

such a darn hot day. warm winters in northern hemispheres= less snow. will i ever get to feel real snow falling? or will the globe be fried by then?

wanderlust. fickle. weird dream last night. died in an explosion, but i walked away from the "dead world" and joined the living again. a few friends, remained dead. these friends who in reality, are rather 'dead', we don't talk anymore, much less meet. maybe its for the best.

watched fashion avenue. i want to be paid to travel and shop. and a british accent to go, please.

this has been a random post. its been a long time coming.

we can make it home, with one headlight. i need to find the damn light.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

dried.

submitted interviews for soci project, now to receive all the work and start on the discussion. dunno how i'll split the work with the other member though. one step at a time, but it better be done by monday.

tri- uni today. first match. against NTU. trashed. hurts alot. i can't say much else. i tried, but there's only so much i can do in 20- 30 minutes. which was, the amount of time i got to play. i wish to play more but at the same time i am afraid if i play and i make a mistake, i might concede a goal. so i dunno. next match against SMU at NTU. i know, kenpiusing.

fong seng after that, which makes it 4 days in a row. they should hand me the damn VIP card already. pratas on tuesday, nasi goreng pataya on wednesday, sirap limau on thursday and nasi goreng ikan bilis on friday. GEEZ. had fun though. i am falling in love (with teamNUS, not fongseng).

home tomorrow. feels like its been too long. tests and games and trainings and projects made this one feel like a 10 day week.

NYU has a MA in Creative Writing programme, that requires only a BA for admission. along with portfolio etc of course. but US fees are way more expensive. but New York. dang.

there's a USP- Stanford Programme coming up in May which i should apply for but i'm scared they will reject me cuz... i am not a siao- on USP member. urgh.

i should also apply for the CDC internship. i am whacking every damn thing in sight right now, and hoping SOMETHING hits the target. whatever that target is.

today i got melancholic all of a sudden while talking to suresh and hafiz. felt like i've made my life so difficult and messy for myself. i told hafiz i should just "marry an engineer, join NIE, teach, have kids, and the works." "yeah go la. i'm sure you'll be very happy." -_- point taken.

i just feel like my whole life has had a bagazillion twists and turns and if i don't stop soon i might spin out of control and fall off the metaphorical cliff. which in this case could possibly refer to my sanity. then again, i probably fell off that cliff a long time ago.

i envy those who can live the simple life, and love it. i like simplicity, i adore it, in fact, but somehow i just have a knack of spilling things over here and there and everywhere and ending up with a not so simple situation.

like why don't i just finish the darn honours year, get a good job, save up, get a car, write part- time if i so wish, get married and have many babies? WHY CAN'T I WANT THAT?!?! urgh. it seems so much easier to achieve than the mountain of ideals i've built for myself.

then again i've never liked it easy. hence, it will never be simple. hence, this is another unnecessarily whiny, web- wasting, rant- y blog post. pfft.

what triggered it off was the mistakes i made while playing today. i hate the fact that i've been playing for however long it is that i've been playing, and i still make mistakes when i play. and that is frustrating. and when i know i've made them, and its pointed out, which it rightfully should be anyway, i know, it just makes me feel so rthjgionqwnejn because dammit fiza, haven't you learnt? its frustrating to keep trying and trying and trying your darn best and SEE and KNOW that it still wasn't good enough, that you still made mistakes. and this was the point of frustration that made me tear just now. suresh sent an encouraging message which opened the floodgates cuz nothing is more pathetic than having someone believe in you so much when you yourself know you could do better.

like after liverpool's loss, i try to console myself but its always so darn hard. its football. its the love, the passion, just that obsession/ fascination with it that refuses to die that keeps pushing me to want more and when i don't get it its just... i don't know. disheartening. i can't give up. so i can only do better. but when i feel like i am not its just like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

okay now that i've got that out of the way.

i wish i could be happy with a degree. but somehow to me it seems... mere. but sometimes i wonder if my persistence to further my studies is just cause to avoid reality, to avoid the working world. i know i would never want a "regular" job. i want to teach creative writing, write, coach football, maybe own a bookstore... but none of that officey stuff for me. and maybe its this dread/ fear/ reluctance to concede to the rat race that is driving me towards melbourne/ masters/ further studies. i of course want to learn, and keep learning, but i dunno. i'm just psychoanalyzing myself la.

i shouldn't be thinking so much nonsense at this hour and after such strenuous activity. i shall read to sleep and wake up happier. meeting banana (FINALLY) at 8 p.m. tomorrow, and maybe i can go out with mum just before i meet her. my two favouritest ladies.

which reminds me. today wasn't all bad. after 2 lectures = longggg lunch with my 2 favouritest boys who always make me smile/ laugh and never fail to encourage me to do what i WANT but am afraid to try. you two make NUS seems heavenly; which really is giving it too much credit. thank you for running after shuttle buses with me, and encouraging my jaywalking tendencies (within means). i love you both. and hapiz, offer to join nus women's soccer is still on. hur.

happiest morons ever.

i count my blessings, i do. everyday. :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007

dizzie! we HAVE to go to melbourne, if not for anything else, for these babies!

from MB Melbourne;

"The amazing cupcakes from Crabapple Bakery (at the Prahran Markets) are also available in the central city at Switchboard! Switchboard is a tiny cafe in an old utilities cupboard in the foyer of the Manchester Unity building, corner of Swanston & Collins Street..."

remember OUR cupcake from Victoria market? wadus that one. shiok tak terhingga. and BRETZELS! NUTELLA FILLED BRETZELS ohmygodohmygod.

i know we discussed this before, about it being a waste of money etjeteraetjetera, but i like lei.

more reasons to go:

Book Market at Fed Square

Dates:: 11 Dec 2006 - 11 Dec 2007
Town:: Melbourne
Region:: Melbourne
Type:: Event > Community and Cultural

Book Market at Fed Square is held every Saturday from 11am till 5pm in the Atrium at Federation Square. The weekly Book Market continues Melbourne's fine literary tradition and features books from a variety of leading new and second hand booksellers covering a diverse range of genres.

Winter Weekends in Port Fairy

Dates:: 6 - 8 Jul 2007
Town:: Port Fairy
Region:: Great Ocean Road
Type:: Event > Performance

A series of winter weekends featuring comedy, art, music, food, historical interests and heritage skills and a literary fair.

and lastly,

Melbourne International Film Festival

Dates:: 25 Jul - 12 Aug 2007
Town:: Melbourne
Region:: Melbourne
Type:: Event > Festivals

Celebrate the finest achievements of film in all its genres from all over the world.

seems like a pretty good time to go, innit, winter? and hello, MOUNT BULLER! kite la manusia pathetic yang kemaruk snow tapi takpe like i said, pathetic ramai- ramai is still okay.

i should be studying for my test now, squandered away almost an hour to blog. !!!! but on a bright note, i spent 1- 5 in the library today, probably the longest i've stayed and studied in the library in one sitting, so i deserve a pat in the back. after 3 years i finally feel like an nus student, mugging in central library, prfft.

HELLO LOST CONNECTION WITH BLOGGER AGAIN WUTTUF.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

spurred.

am saving up for a trip this coming break, but not sure where to yet. depends on whether or not i get an internship too. the way i see it, i'll ideally start working immediately after i graduate next sem so this is my last chance for long- term travelling. dizzie, melbourne? suresh says i should head elsewhere since i am going there again... at some point of time. hmm.

test this thursday which i'm quite nervous about, will start mugging tomorrow. need to do my interviews for soci paper too. sigh. where did time go?

training tomorrow, thursday, then NTU game on friday. nervous. first tri- uni/ IVP match. if i get to play, that is.

i derive too much joy scouring real estate in melbourne. i can't believe i'm still harping bout' the damn city 3 months after i left it. maybe long- distance relationships can work after all. heh.

spasm moment! i love you nehneh!

book sale at forum again, victim again. same old senario, same old game... just a lil' older, that's all.

if i can claim all the money i've spent on these darn book sales since i was a freshie i'd be... okay la. not very rich. cuz they're quite cheap which is why i bought them. but that's not the point! the point is borders is having a sale this wed- fri! for students and teachers! ARGH!

can i be paid to just read?

i dread entering the working world. i can't believe i've been alive for 22 years and studying full- time for 17 years of that!!!! OHMYGOD that is like... 8935200 minutes of my life. gone. just like that. the school system indeed art cruel.

okay. shock moment over. anyway after class at 2 was free milo, cheap book, then macs with christin whom i introduced to suresh as terry pathmanathan, among a slew of other names/ labels.

napped when i got back, then off to canteen to grab a bite before tuition. got a free waffle from my collegues, whee! but on the downside, lemon barley, the packet one that cost 40 cents when i was in primary school, 50 cents at the school i teach, is ONE DOLLAR at the darn canteen. do we look like we're richer now or something? at least back then parent's gave allowances and food was 40 cents too so 80 cents for a full meal was pretty okay. but a dollar for a 200ml/ 250 ml drink is steep dude. steeep.

i'm peeing alot today. and i do so everyday but today is particularly frequent. diabetes symptoms? i think i just have a weak bladder. it has a mind of its own, really.

tsk, the fries i bought for nehneh is still uneaten! take back my spasm moment liao. prfffft.

i plan to leave for melbourne uni, ideally, after working for 2.5 years at a hopefully, rather high- paying job. because melbourne is going to be expensive. than means i get to spend a year with suresh (post- uni suresh!), god willing. and in that one year if all else fails, at least we tried our best and i gave this relationship my best shot. and if so i leave for melb with a fresh start and no worries.

lately i plan for everything in my life is such big airy- fairy ways i think i might just fall flat on my face. but who won't someday? i think i am okay with falling flat, cuz i know i can get back up. so many what if's to deal with lately, but i don't spend time brooding the past when i can plan the future. but yesyes i know, keep my head in the present too or else it might all fall apart and then i'll have nowhere to go at all.

a friend got engaged last december, and will be getting married end of this year- ish, once she graduates this july. a very stilted MSN conversation (filled with many "and then..?" from her) revealed my tightly- planned schedule for the next few years (right up to 2012 actually, since my studies in unimelb should take 2 years) which seemingly, has no space for matrimonial! which isn't a surprise since i wasn't planning on getting hitched. but if, you know, someone comes along and wants to, i won't have the time. or money. i'm saving all my earnings for melbourne, so that i can live comfortably there, and well, time because the job i'm eyeing right now won't exactly allow me to take long- ass leaves (as is required of weddings no? ceremony= 2/3 days, honeymoon, planning, photo shoot, etcetc). or at least not without it having certain consequences on my paycheck, which brings me back to point 1- money. so no go! i think i'll get married later la. so much for following my mum. she got hitched at 24, an increasingly unlikely age for me. haha.

oh well. at least i'll be doing what i want. i told my mum the day i attend my very first class in melb uni for creative writing, i will finally feel the satisfaction and fulfillment you get when doing something you truly love. and that is something to be smug about, no? haha.

oh yes. of course a possible solution to my "no time to get married" issue is to find a rich melburnian. i can get married while studying mah! then no need elaborate ceremony, just invite my mum only. see. save money!

okay la. so anyone know any hot melb boys tell me okay.

i better sleep soon. coherence level at an all- time low.

Friday, March 09, 2007

umpph.

waiting for laundry. had training. had classes. had lunch with hafiz and suresh.

they call it 'biting point'. i need that trip out of here now. suddenly feel all the weight of this semester, this life, this schedule.

wanting too much is the greatest weakness.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

its been a while

rough times it is that hath befallen me. terribly busy lately, with 2 jobs and mounting schoolwork. mad month of march indeedly.

tuition today, love my kids especially this short little one, very funny way of talking, these kids.

am exhausted today. and every other day. weekend i was depressed. i think liverpool is jinxed against man u. no matter how well we play. but that don't matter, we're through to champions league, byebye barca.

weekend at home was good. saturday was training, then cousin's place for lunch (asam pedas with just fished- out- of- ocean ikan unga, yummm). bought peach tea, jelly and ice- cream for the nieces. nothing spells bliss like an afternoon on steps with my nieces, eating ice- cream quickly melting and drying on our sticky fingers and toes.

home after that, and aforementioned depressing match. sunday was travel writing workshop, which was truly an eye- opener. felt very encouraged too, my piece got selected as "very good" and was read out loud. *beam* i, of course, talked about melbourne. and the conductor said mine stood out because i was writing about a common and much- spoken of city but managed to give it an interesting twist, or provide the unexpected angle. or some writey- talkey jargon like that. ho humm.

just remembered: tutorial at 8 am tomorrow, urgh.

so sunday was writing workshop then dinner at west coast. home after that, 3 hours of CSI, then slept. class on monday, tuition at sinda then back at pgp. tuesday was waffling 7.30- 11, class 12- 2, exhaustion till 5 then training till 7ish. dinner/ supper with soccer girls till late, then home for champions league match.

got back to pgp today. class, then tuition again. so there you go, the monotony of my days that i have avoided blabbering about here cuz as dull as they seem to me, it seems duller now written. sigh.

wanrong mentioned that i'm a "free spirit" yesterday and come to think i am, i quite fit that. wonder how it never came up before. i think free spirit is also positive lingo for commitment- phobe, fickle, gypsy, etc.

my head throbbed crazily after tuition today, not headache- throbbing but general pain and exhaustion and brain- going- to- implode throbbing. rescued by suresh's smelly (ok la no la it wasn't) gym towel and ice. fell asleep for a few minutes, then woke up to do compulsory posting which i did without watching the compulsory video cuz smokin' is totally my thangggg.

oh i had strawberry milkshake and mushy potato salad from k gourmet after tuition too. a nice little tete- a- tete before retiring to our rooms.

EH I LOST CONNECTION WITH BLOGGER AGAIN! irritating lor.

as it is i hardly come to blogger and they fail me like this. WANT TO DIE ISSIT!?

i will just blabber on and if all fails, to my LJ it goes. pfft.

the peejay people want to watch 300 this saturday, the windsor people wants to watch 300 this sunday. you are all idiots. only got one movie showing now issit?!

today i feel the culmination of my hectic schedule. genuinely felt tired and i daresay i felt the physical impact of running around doing everything and anything at every given hour. i should learn to treasure my free time more and not while them away. readings need to be read, projects need to be researched, etc and so on so forth. tests coming up too, cannot afford to squander this sem away simply because i'm holding 2 jobs. since i did put myself in this situation.

we can work it out, we can work it outttt; sang the beatles. and if they are not the voice of reason, no one is.

and so sang hothotheat: good nighttttt, good nighttttt! (swing hair around like a prettyboy!)

Saturday, March 03, 2007

weekend is hereeee.

joyyyy to the world! joyyyy to the world!

just finished training. wasn't too bad, but i hate hate hate muddy pitches. i HATE. HAAAATE. so disgusting. and its hard to get a hold of the ball and control it and so on and so forth. and its also hard to relax and make a good pass if someone keeps shouting things at you. sometimes i think if people just let people be everyone will do and be and feel so much better.

so anyway. home i am headed, and more football for my day! liverpool- manure tonight. this better be good.

going to cousin's place to see princesses and have lunch. meeting mum there too. no dental appointment cuz saturday's dentist half- day, go play golf. so i have to bear with the pain for a few more days. i believe its the wisdom tooth growing, along with the old botched root canal op as well as the ulcers on upper gum, lower gum, and tongue. miserable.

yesterday was school, CFA to pay for sunday's workshop, then vivocity! dinner/ lunch at banquet harbourfront then window shopped with mum. i love zara's dresses.

tried on lots of heels and got cramps. my toe just went rigid! as in the second toe on my left foot! so weird it was just rigid and stiff and pointing at an awkward angle. ouch.

lately i've got no mood to blog. i feel like i've nothing interesting to say, and blogging would just be an obligation, not release. maybe alot is on my mind, and i'd rather spend what free time i have looking up jobs and these and that but still. i no longer say everything i want to say cuz increasingly i find this blog is being read by people who don't know me and think they do cuz they read this. and i don't feel like letting it all out anymore, cuz idiots would just quote me out of context and so on and so forth. i don't know. i find that its so easy to pretend to be nice and friendly when you're masked behind an IP address. whereas in reality you hate that person, and you snigger at his/ her writings.

lately i feel tired. tired of writing about me and how i feel and how i am when people i don't know can just gather all these information and say they know me and proceed to judge me or use it against me. i feel like an idiot sometimes, blabbering on and on here like a fool, exposing myself for the world to see, only to have strangers snigger at their screens, rolling their eyes with my every word.

and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of people thinking that because they read my blog they know me. i'm sick of people thinking THIS IS IT. i'm sick of people thinking that everything and anything about me can be read and found out here. you think i don't practice self- censorship? you don't think that there are some things in this life that hurt so much or mean so much or is in such a complicated mess that no words could articulate it? you think i don't go through shit just because i don't mention it here?

and this is what it comes down to. my happy place is tarnished and i can no longer protect it. what was a happy post becomes a rant.

when will people just let people be? why can't people see that only then we can all be happy?

maybe i'm just tired and too busy to blog. maybe. and maybe i'm the one stopping myself from blogging what i want, cuz i'm afraid of what others might think, say, assume. maybe maybe maybe.

have a good weekend all.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

hair woes.

this is what i want to do to my hair. but its so short and it will take close to forever and eternity to grow it back to the current length.

should i cut it now? will it grow to AT LEAST shoulder length by december? should i just wait... till i am really truly sick of long hair (which i'm not, right now). bah.

classes till 2 tomorrow, then waffling 2.30- 6. which means i can go for training, but late. but there's still saturday training, so yay. i'm going for the travel writing workshop this sunday too. exciting!

i want to leave this country la. can't wait.

grumble, grumble.

couldn't blog yesterday. am considering moving to a new host but i am monogamous like that.

just read that the application for the bursary disbursed by CDCs/ CCCs were due last OCTOBER. how come i didn't hear about this, little miss global university who raises their fees and put up pretenses of wanting to help their students financially by posting loads of shit on the financial aid page but not informing them directly via the many spams they otherwise send? hmm hmm hmm?

$1000 could have come in handy but heyyy. takde rezeki. what to do. i'm not sure if i want to apply for financial aid again this year cuz to get bursaries, i must apply for the loans. and i don't want to have so many loans to pay back once i graduate la! so much pressure so early in the industry. am quite keen to apply for one bursary which requires intention to enter media industry. which i do harbour, but if i don't get also not my fault right? hmm. worth a shot, you think?

such a wet day today. went to clementi after school to get new science assessment book for my kids since the old one is out of syllabus (!!! i just bought it last year, MOE is crazy revising the syllabus like a spaz). the nehneh craved for pasta (what else), so harbourfront it was. where he got his pasta and i got my strawberry bavarese and a book and photocopy worksheets for the kids.

classes have been good, which i'm thankful for cuz a class of 8 is quite a bit to handle if they were un- cooperative.

fong seng after tuition with the nehneh, had prata. too much laughing, couldn't finish my food. i was basically being... umm. weird.

fiza: eh look hot guy!
suresh: where?
fiza: there at the counter, wear cap.
suresh: okay.

fiza: hey look he went away! i think he is talking to his girlfriend then he had to walk away from my astounding beauty cuz its so distracting.
suresh: .......
fiza: what? no meh?
suresh: not like you asked, but you know, in case you were wondering, no, your ego is not too big.
fiza: humphh. aren't you distracted by my astounding beauty?
suresh: *rolls eyes* yessss... *rolls eyes* yessss of course.

i had horlicks dinosaur which i LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. horlicks powder rockssssss.

i should stop behaving like a kid. how the hell am i supposed to get a proper job if i can't even think properly? whatever thinking properly means.

my mum's got me thinking of canada which is good and bad. good cuz well, travelling is always good! bad cuz i think of travelling more than enough already. aaaaand once again i've lost the connection with blogger. the forces are just against me, i say.

i shall post this on my lj temporarily. bah. grumble grumble.