I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
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Melbourne I
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Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
5 days!
ok technically 4 since its almost friday. and tomorrow, or later, whatever, i'm going to JAYTOTHEBEE!
*chants* jaybee jaybee jaybee jaybee
very excited cuz its the JUALAN BESARAN MEGA SALE or something like that. basically gigantic granddaddeh sale of SALES! and whatever the sale is, there is further 50% off because *SING IT WITH ME!* we are singapoooooooore we are singapooooooooore.
there's mango, esprit, topshop, dorothy perkins and the usual jusco and whatever nots. merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream, whee!
soccer today, played as leftback. i want to be like riise! but nehneh say i kepo cuz that's his position. harumph. but i am naturally left- footed okay! so not my fault.
enjoying my classes so far but uhh, emotions lecture are rather... i dunno. i feel like i don't get the total idea or something. i dunno la. i mean i am behind readings for it ya, but its more like the way she lectures... when she goes off- focus, so do i cuz honestly i'm not entertained by her rambles but suddenly she will ramble INTO the lecture topic and i sometimes get left behind. pah.
but all is fine elsewhere la. school is surprisingly okay still. 3rd week already, so fast. soon it'll be fasting month!
alot of people yet to RSVP. tsk. i hope it didn't go to junkmail. if response is still bad by weekend i might resort to smsing. what is wrong with you people la. check your mail can. bah. and those who checked, check attachment laaaaa. 3 has responded with a, "eh, you never tell date!" ya, cuz its on the invitation card LA. the mail itself is about the location can. nyeh. make life easier for you all also you don't want.
someone asked if can buy something not on the list. yes of course la! the list is for UNCREATIVE people who DON'T KNOW me well enough. BUT that said, i DO actually like the stuff i listed so ya you can't go wrong la. haha.
i am so excited! JAYBEE! shopping! WHEE! whee! whee! the name so stylo AEON Jusco Tebrau City. FWAH.
okay must sleep early then can wake up early and go early and spend more time and etc etc etc. :D:D:D:D 4 days to birthday hurhur!
reading to sleep tonight. middlesex yay!
ohohoh and this new giant mall has a "malaysian borders" called harris bookstore. HOOYEAH.
ok technically 4 since its almost friday. and tomorrow, or later, whatever, i'm going to JAYTOTHEBEE!
*chants* jaybee jaybee jaybee jaybee
very excited cuz its the JUALAN BESARAN MEGA SALE or something like that. basically gigantic granddaddeh sale of SALES! and whatever the sale is, there is further 50% off because *SING IT WITH ME!* we are singapoooooooore we are singapooooooooore.
there's mango, esprit, topshop, dorothy perkins and the usual jusco and whatever nots. merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream, whee!
soccer today, played as leftback. i want to be like riise! but nehneh say i kepo cuz that's his position. harumph. but i am naturally left- footed okay! so not my fault.
enjoying my classes so far but uhh, emotions lecture are rather... i dunno. i feel like i don't get the total idea or something. i dunno la. i mean i am behind readings for it ya, but its more like the way she lectures... when she goes off- focus, so do i cuz honestly i'm not entertained by her rambles but suddenly she will ramble INTO the lecture topic and i sometimes get left behind. pah.
but all is fine elsewhere la. school is surprisingly okay still. 3rd week already, so fast. soon it'll be fasting month!
alot of people yet to RSVP. tsk. i hope it didn't go to junkmail. if response is still bad by weekend i might resort to smsing. what is wrong with you people la. check your mail can. bah. and those who checked, check attachment laaaaa. 3 has responded with a, "eh, you never tell date!" ya, cuz its on the invitation card LA. the mail itself is about the location can. nyeh. make life easier for you all also you don't want.
someone asked if can buy something not on the list. yes of course la! the list is for UNCREATIVE people who DON'T KNOW me well enough. BUT that said, i DO actually like the stuff i listed so ya you can't go wrong la. haha.
i am so excited! JAYBEE! shopping! WHEE! whee! whee! the name so stylo AEON Jusco Tebrau City. FWAH.
okay must sleep early then can wake up early and go early and spend more time and etc etc etc. :D:D:D:D 4 days to birthday hurhur!
reading to sleep tonight. middlesex yay!
ohohoh and this new giant mall has a "malaysian borders" called harris bookstore. HOOYEAH.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
back by popular demand
yesyes the all- elusive (or not, hurhur) birthday wishlist.
(but first can i just say that the fact you have to ask me to create a list/ tell you what i want means you don't know me well enough and thence, WHY ARE YOU INVITED?!!? harumph. but never mind, i am patient, kind and all other things holy and good so here goes.)
yesyes the all- elusive (or not, hurhur) birthday wishlist.
(but first can i just say that the fact you have to ask me to create a list/ tell you what i want means you don't know me well enough and thence, WHY ARE YOU INVITED?!!? harumph. but never mind, i am patient, kind and all other things holy and good so here goes.)
- latest Liverpool Home kit- Kids/ Junior Small
- AHEM for anyone (or someone?) planning something to do for me on the 5th (which by the way, is my actual birthday), here's a clue what you/ we can do.
- 1980s Liverpool Home Kit- Kids/ Junior Small which i believe should be attainable from here. it should look something like this, but no, it need not be an Ian Rush original. it won't hurt though. :D
- OR sponsor me to be part of the Singapore Red Army! nope, no militaristic ideas here.
- colourful toe socks. e.g.
- gray/ brown hooded cashmere (or what seems to me to be cashmere) sweater from Zara. its nice and wooly and furry (err okay maybe not) and its simply LOVE.
- shopping vouchers always work; from any formidable female stores; Forever21, Topshop, Zara, Esprit, Mango. i'm not picky. i'm sure i can find some use of whichever store you pick.
- Borders giftcard. no- brainer.
- OR get me books yourself. go wild. get me something you think i've never read/ might never buy with my own money. note: no more connellys', i've read them all. and no chick lit. please. and no danielle steele, robin cook and harlan coben. oh and dan brown. thankyou.
- anything (but preferably a camera, hurhur) from here. e.g.
- if you want to buy me apparel yourself; tops- UK6, S- XS bottoms- XS, 32 (for the 32- 44 range), 24 (for the 24- 36 range) shoes- UK3 US5 or Bata35 hahaha.
- more Beatles stuff! t- shirts (keep in mind i have a black one with "The Beatles" in diamante across it), books, CDs, whatever. CD- wise i prefer their earlier works; i.e. 60s not 70s.
- umm shoebag for my soccer stuff. i dunno what happened to mine. cumbersome, this twilight zone that i live in.
- sports bra? soccer shorts? is this becoming too pragmatic?
okay so its basically same old same old. on the other hand you can shock the shit out of me (haha imagine THAT! i will be so shocked i will shit! before you! hahahaha) and get me something totally unexpected. but please don't be a joshua and intentionally buy me pink skirts and flowery tops and strawberry hairbands (WTF) just to annoy me. or you can. not like it has never happened.
and of course the people who actually asked are people who don't read my blog so this is totally out- of- point. OR i can refer them to my blog next time they ask. don't matter la. birthday smirthdays. i'm annoyed that i can't study and my hairband is so tight its giving me a headache.
!
what a life.
good and bad
6 days to birthday.
did not go for tuition. byebye $56.
got cheap earrings & top at harbourfront and school bazaar.
feel bad that i did not go teach today.
i got more time to study.
its too late to watch film history movie.
i can do laundry.
everywhere is wet and i am at high risk of slipping and falling cuz i am a dingdong like that.
sigh.
its been quite a good day. i had lopis breakfast (turned out yesterday's lopis DID turn bad) and then some shopping at harbourfront mall. branded goods sale. 2 hollister tops at $5 each. authenticity not guaranteed but uhh, for $5 i'll take it. the neckline is slightly uncomfy but i have put my scissors to good use and i now own 2 off- shoulder hollister tops. *curtseys*
after that was accessories window- shopping. found the hairband and earrings i had in mind for my birthday. and in the cold weather, the butter&sugar toast with half- boiled eggs at wang jiao (what a name) kaya toast was heavenly. bus back to pgp to collect my cluster leader cap and mailbox key. i got my own letterbox! so cool.
the rain and last night's mugging till 4 took its toll so i slept till 4ish, afterwhich we washed our laundry then went down to school. too late to watch movie so we looked around the sports bazaar and i got nautical earrings for $6. then it was munchies for pasta. by then the rain was madness and i had slipped one too many times- it didn't seem safe to go to tuition by bus, and wasn't so financially- sound to take a cab considering my financial situation. so i called them to say i wasn't coming. they said it was a little short notice but its okay, they can't force me to come anyway and since then, i feel like shit.
i actually cried. tsk. i just feel bad la. its the first time i'm not teaching since i started and every time they needed me to cover a class on fridays i'm there and when a teacher is absent and the sec2NT teacher takes that class, they give me the sec2NT students on top on my sec2NA. but as you can tell i'm just saying this to convince myself that what i did today was justified and as you can tell i'm not totally convinced but oh well. its too late anyway.
its not that bad right? i mean i do have work to do and stuff to catch up on but on the OTHER hand that IS my responsibility, and so is teaching. GAH.
i hate feeling like shit. pfft. i shall drown myself in boring readings tonight as self- flaggelation for my defalcation in the service of duty.
i shall shut up and pick up nice, warm, dried clothes then start on readings. i shall pay my penance or forever face purgatory.
hurhur. too much religion readings in case you can't tell.
okaylahbyeeee.
6 days to birthday.
did not go for tuition. byebye $56.
got cheap earrings & top at harbourfront and school bazaar.
feel bad that i did not go teach today.
i got more time to study.
its too late to watch film history movie.
i can do laundry.
everywhere is wet and i am at high risk of slipping and falling cuz i am a dingdong like that.
sigh.
its been quite a good day. i had lopis breakfast (turned out yesterday's lopis DID turn bad) and then some shopping at harbourfront mall. branded goods sale. 2 hollister tops at $5 each. authenticity not guaranteed but uhh, for $5 i'll take it. the neckline is slightly uncomfy but i have put my scissors to good use and i now own 2 off- shoulder hollister tops. *curtseys*
after that was accessories window- shopping. found the hairband and earrings i had in mind for my birthday. and in the cold weather, the butter&sugar toast with half- boiled eggs at wang jiao (what a name) kaya toast was heavenly. bus back to pgp to collect my cluster leader cap and mailbox key. i got my own letterbox! so cool.
the rain and last night's mugging till 4 took its toll so i slept till 4ish, afterwhich we washed our laundry then went down to school. too late to watch movie so we looked around the sports bazaar and i got nautical earrings for $6. then it was munchies for pasta. by then the rain was madness and i had slipped one too many times- it didn't seem safe to go to tuition by bus, and wasn't so financially- sound to take a cab considering my financial situation. so i called them to say i wasn't coming. they said it was a little short notice but its okay, they can't force me to come anyway and since then, i feel like shit.
i actually cried. tsk. i just feel bad la. its the first time i'm not teaching since i started and every time they needed me to cover a class on fridays i'm there and when a teacher is absent and the sec2NT teacher takes that class, they give me the sec2NT students on top on my sec2NA. but as you can tell i'm just saying this to convince myself that what i did today was justified and as you can tell i'm not totally convinced but oh well. its too late anyway.
its not that bad right? i mean i do have work to do and stuff to catch up on but on the OTHER hand that IS my responsibility, and so is teaching. GAH.
i hate feeling like shit. pfft. i shall drown myself in boring readings tonight as self- flaggelation for my defalcation in the service of duty.
i shall shut up and pick up nice, warm, dried clothes then start on readings. i shall pay my penance or forever face purgatory.
hurhur. too much religion readings in case you can't tell.
okaylahbyeeee.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
self- mutilation?
i just did 12 rounds of the track. that's 4.8 km. a track team dude asked if i was training for a marathon.
and i wonder, am i? i must be nuts. since when did i run 4.8 km for fun? :\
pretty good day, nothing significant. didn't get my putu mayam from harbourfront, but i got chicken chop and lopis! LOPIS! wo ai ni LOPIS! lopis that i shall eat soon before it mutates into a foreign being resembling the hulk.
yeah umm cuz the guy put the lopis and the syrup together so if i wait too long it might uhh taste weird. something like that.
i am rambling cuz i am hungry. and my abdominal area hurts. is that supposed to happen when you run? its been so long. i almost miss the smell of track but no, i didn't get down on my knees and start sniffing the tracks when i got there. saw hurdles and it brought back great memories of gan eng seng track days. of flying plastic hurdles made of plastic pipes. haha.
in other news can everyone please check your emails and MOST importantly JUNK mail in case my invitations went there? thank you. that includes you NAZ. i emailed the add on your LJ.
still excited for the parteyyyh but the thought of papers and IVLE postings and readings are holding me back a bit. such is life. as an undergrad. at nus. hurhur.
today i realized i can never be a bus driver. i was in the hugeass shuttle bus when it made a turn so NARROW i was wincing. tsk. so stress. besides the very concept of me operating something as huge as a shuttle bus should be somehow made illegal anyway. can you IMAGINE the consequences?
"can someone PLEASE help me hit the brakes!"
i just did 12 rounds of the track. that's 4.8 km. a track team dude asked if i was training for a marathon.
and i wonder, am i? i must be nuts. since when did i run 4.8 km for fun? :\
pretty good day, nothing significant. didn't get my putu mayam from harbourfront, but i got chicken chop and lopis! LOPIS! wo ai ni LOPIS! lopis that i shall eat soon before it mutates into a foreign being resembling the hulk.
yeah umm cuz the guy put the lopis and the syrup together so if i wait too long it might uhh taste weird. something like that.
i am rambling cuz i am hungry. and my abdominal area hurts. is that supposed to happen when you run? its been so long. i almost miss the smell of track but no, i didn't get down on my knees and start sniffing the tracks when i got there. saw hurdles and it brought back great memories of gan eng seng track days. of flying plastic hurdles made of plastic pipes. haha.
in other news can everyone please check your emails and MOST importantly JUNK mail in case my invitations went there? thank you. that includes you NAZ. i emailed the add on your LJ.
still excited for the parteyyyh but the thought of papers and IVLE postings and readings are holding me back a bit. such is life. as an undergrad. at nus. hurhur.
today i realized i can never be a bus driver. i was in the hugeass shuttle bus when it made a turn so NARROW i was wincing. tsk. so stress. besides the very concept of me operating something as huge as a shuttle bus should be somehow made illegal anyway. can you IMAGINE the consequences?
"can someone PLEASE help me hit the brakes!"
Monday, August 28, 2006
hey mama
what a long day, ey. woke up at 7 to leave home for PGP. unpacked, showered, breakfast- ed, print stuff then did readings till 1. lunch with the apek at deck then classes 2- 5 p.m. then anchorpoint kfc for banditto then tuition. then it was fong seng for prata and finally finally finally, in my room.
i am going to mail out some invites in a bit and email maya about cake. :D i am overly- excited about this birthday business, i know. what to do.
i am unabashed about my childish excitement over birthdays cuz i am old school like that. birthdays still comes once a year no matter how many years it has been so sue me. if you're not the birthday sort, yay you but i kinda like to commemorate the day i was brought here.
in other news i am so pooped, as i always am on mondays. besides i've got readings to catch up on and no time can be wasted idling away, blogging. more later when i'm free.
oh i forgot to pack my toothbrush and toothpaste from home. thank god for spare toothbrush. i shall now go steal some toothpaste like the stealthy lil' thief that i am. toothpaste today, bank tomorrow.
nights!
what a long day, ey. woke up at 7 to leave home for PGP. unpacked, showered, breakfast- ed, print stuff then did readings till 1. lunch with the apek at deck then classes 2- 5 p.m. then anchorpoint kfc for banditto then tuition. then it was fong seng for prata and finally finally finally, in my room.
i am going to mail out some invites in a bit and email maya about cake. :D i am overly- excited about this birthday business, i know. what to do.
i am unabashed about my childish excitement over birthdays cuz i am old school like that. birthdays still comes once a year no matter how many years it has been so sue me. if you're not the birthday sort, yay you but i kinda like to commemorate the day i was brought here.
in other news i am so pooped, as i always am on mondays. besides i've got readings to catch up on and no time can be wasted idling away, blogging. more later when i'm free.
oh i forgot to pack my toothbrush and toothpaste from home. thank god for spare toothbrush. i shall now go steal some toothpaste like the stealthy lil' thief that i am. toothpaste today, bank tomorrow.
nights!
Friday, August 25, 2006
when all i want is you
laremy, zat, sara, hafizlim: i am fine. :) thanks for listening/ caring/ advicing. and SARA i still owe you your THING that i got for you from chiangmai. -_-
thank god its friday. tuition 7- 9 p.m. then home sweet home. but prior to that i have to;
do laundry
watch memento
swap tutorial slots
print notes, readings, etc
do readings
and somewhere between all that, i have to shower, eat, pack for going home, think of what to wear to tomorrow's D&D and try to send out invites.
sneak preview:
:D i am quite excited for the whole thing; but maybe that's just because i bought the dress an eternity ago and now i am finally closer to WEARING it. haha and i must say, the fact that some people already bought me presents is making the excitement twofold. :))
I tell ya
Its hell yeah
When love says goodbye
Its a four letter word
Because your heart knows
When love goes
The feeling is bad
Its the worst in the world
Four Letter Word; Kim Wilde
in other lovely news, i got two books for $27 at borders! how? firstly there was the 20% voucher. and THEN there was the 8 Days magazine lying around everywhere that contains what borders boasted to be 30% off a full- priced book. !!! so technically; even if you buy 8 Days, which is only $2, its still worth it. but of course my 30% voucher more worth it cuz i got it from a free magazine. hurhur. so i am now the proud owner of middlesex (banana! i got it!) and 50 facts that should change the world. then TODAY i checked my mail and WOOT! 25% off voucher from borders, valid till 7th september. no prizes what's my birthday gift to myself come the 5th. :))
i was just telling suresh the other day how i feel like i got very little clothes here in my dorm. so either i left behind stuff at home, or its a psychological misprint on my brain. plus the fact that i STILL don't have an iron and i like my clothes to look ironed and since i can't have that now i keep wearing the same stuff that doesn't need ironing. ahh.
anyway. yesterday after soccer was holland village with the nehneh. got my creme brulee from delifrance (allday crave) and then spags bolognese from brekos. which i ate half of and the other half await in the fridge as lunch.
there's a liverpool match tomorrow at 7.40 and i might not get to watch cuz of D&D. isn't that the BALLS. like seriously. i FINALLY go home on a weekend, an EPL night, and they show liverpool's match EARLY and USP decides to have their D&D. i tell you if you look at it some ways sometimes there's just no two ways around it. life is a conspiracy theory.
but i don't look at it that way so i shall now go take my laundry and get going on my day. as usual, no blogging over weekends but as farhana emailed me, there will what appears to be two moons this sunday morning at 12.30 a.m. so yeap, you can go have a look. or was it sunday night? or saturday night?
bah. conspiracy.
laremy, zat, sara, hafizlim: i am fine. :) thanks for listening/ caring/ advicing. and SARA i still owe you your THING that i got for you from chiangmai. -_-
thank god its friday. tuition 7- 9 p.m. then home sweet home. but prior to that i have to;
do laundry
watch memento
swap tutorial slots
print notes, readings, etc
do readings
and somewhere between all that, i have to shower, eat, pack for going home, think of what to wear to tomorrow's D&D and try to send out invites.
sneak preview:
:D i am quite excited for the whole thing; but maybe that's just because i bought the dress an eternity ago and now i am finally closer to WEARING it. haha and i must say, the fact that some people already bought me presents is making the excitement twofold. :))
I tell ya
Its hell yeah
When love says goodbye
Its a four letter word
Because your heart knows
When love goes
The feeling is bad
Its the worst in the world
Four Letter Word; Kim Wilde
in other lovely news, i got two books for $27 at borders! how? firstly there was the 20% voucher. and THEN there was the 8 Days magazine lying around everywhere that contains what borders boasted to be 30% off a full- priced book. !!! so technically; even if you buy 8 Days, which is only $2, its still worth it. but of course my 30% voucher more worth it cuz i got it from a free magazine. hurhur. so i am now the proud owner of middlesex (banana! i got it!) and 50 facts that should change the world. then TODAY i checked my mail and WOOT! 25% off voucher from borders, valid till 7th september. no prizes what's my birthday gift to myself come the 5th. :))
i was just telling suresh the other day how i feel like i got very little clothes here in my dorm. so either i left behind stuff at home, or its a psychological misprint on my brain. plus the fact that i STILL don't have an iron and i like my clothes to look ironed and since i can't have that now i keep wearing the same stuff that doesn't need ironing. ahh.
anyway. yesterday after soccer was holland village with the nehneh. got my creme brulee from delifrance (allday crave) and then spags bolognese from brekos. which i ate half of and the other half await in the fridge as lunch.
there's a liverpool match tomorrow at 7.40 and i might not get to watch cuz of D&D. isn't that the BALLS. like seriously. i FINALLY go home on a weekend, an EPL night, and they show liverpool's match EARLY and USP decides to have their D&D. i tell you if you look at it some ways sometimes there's just no two ways around it. life is a conspiracy theory.
but i don't look at it that way so i shall now go take my laundry and get going on my day. as usual, no blogging over weekends but as farhana emailed me, there will what appears to be two moons this sunday morning at 12.30 a.m. so yeap, you can go have a look. or was it sunday night? or saturday night?
bah. conspiracy.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
truths are illusions of which we have forgotten that they are illusions.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some... strangers hand
In a... desperate land
The End; Doors
we're all little fools playing along for the next best shot and when it ends, we all fall together, laughing, crying, not realizing the senselessness of this pain and the pointlessness of it all. over and over, never knowing how to stop, forgetting to want. just again and again, knocking pleasantly on hurt's door, begging for pain and crying again.
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some... strangers hand
In a... desperate land
The End; Doors
we're all little fools playing along for the next best shot and when it ends, we all fall together, laughing, crying, not realizing the senselessness of this pain and the pointlessness of it all. over and over, never knowing how to stop, forgetting to want. just again and again, knocking pleasantly on hurt's door, begging for pain and crying again.
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive.
trodden
i think the extreme conditions of my timetable has finally gotten to me. today in the middle of biodiversity tutorial i upped and left the class to spend a few minutes emptying my stomach in the toilet. nothing is quite as painful as retching and feeling the contents of your stomach rise to the occasion. hurhur.
this despite having a pretty okay dinner, a rare breakfast and even lunch at 12. which i believe by the way, to be the culprit. the fish and fries from geckos' was so oily it was enough to make bush want to befriend them. i hate oily food.
so anyway after tutorial was back in room for nap, woke up to go to the library for memento. fong seng after that for prata and now i am back in my room nursing another queasy stomach. just isn't a good day for now.
okay i better go sleep/ rest/ etc. thank god there isn't class tomorrow. there is a book sale though. and umm the other half of memento to finish watching. oh well.
nights and mum; good luck!
i think the extreme conditions of my timetable has finally gotten to me. today in the middle of biodiversity tutorial i upped and left the class to spend a few minutes emptying my stomach in the toilet. nothing is quite as painful as retching and feeling the contents of your stomach rise to the occasion. hurhur.
this despite having a pretty okay dinner, a rare breakfast and even lunch at 12. which i believe by the way, to be the culprit. the fish and fries from geckos' was so oily it was enough to make bush want to befriend them. i hate oily food.
so anyway after tutorial was back in room for nap, woke up to go to the library for memento. fong seng after that for prata and now i am back in my room nursing another queasy stomach. just isn't a good day for now.
okay i better go sleep/ rest/ etc. thank god there isn't class tomorrow. there is a book sale though. and umm the other half of memento to finish watching. oh well.
nights and mum; good luck!
Monday, August 21, 2006
its just another manic monday
another long day. but i am pleased to check my mail and see that i've got the tutorial slots i wanted. so it doesn't matter that i was neurotic for a good half of the day (no more cafe latte at noon), felt extremely agitated in lit class (note to self: post on IVLE forum), forgot my writing pad for history lecture (MUST remember to file up foolscape ASAP!), was stuck in a bus full of smelly people, sprained my ankle and scraped my right foot running for the bus to tuition AND that suresh went to ikea and bought the EXACT same mousepad as mine (HARUMPH). no sirree, all that doesn't matter as long as my time- table is spick and span.
but now my feet is damn ugly. both feet got plasters. hahaha. i must be having a particularly clumsy week. :( losing alot of blood!
but its okay i bought 2 500ml soya milk which might or might not contribute to the reproduction of red blood cells but it doesn't matter cuz it was a dollar each and i am hence mighty pleased.
due to my extreme hunger, i am considering running for USC MC, renting a costume for USP D&D as well as applying for the youth conference- one of the many in my emails. hahaha but of course, all this is simply madness which can be easily cured by a good ol' cheese and tuna sandwich or two.
wow the nerves on my left foot is twitching. TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH! i obviously had too much caffeine today. tsk.
tomorrow i have a 2 hour class and that's it. however i will have to watch the movie that was shown in lecture today cuz yes, i have to skip the movie part to go for tuition. hopefully tuition ends before sem ends. i dunno if i can keep up with the movies weekly. for now though, tuesdays shall be film&history movie days. tomorrow's movie is memento. (: quite looking forward to that. anyone else want to watch sms me la we can watch together at the library! haha.
will try to catch up on more readings tonight and turn in early. i am supposed to be tired but the caffeine has made my system bonkers and hence i feel extremely chirpy and energetic, albeit sticky and smelly.
tuna sandwich tuna sandwich tuna sandwich. shower eat read sleep. sounds like a plan.
what i wanted to say yesterday was... umm. okay basically mum came over on sunday since i had a jam- packed weekend so she came down to my place for dinner at the cafe. then we grocery- shopped then talked nonsense in my room. then it was time to send her off to the lobby. hailed cab and she was off.
and what i wanted to say was there's something very melancholic and sad in seeing your mother leave. even if you know where she is going and how near it is and blablabla. its just... sad. when she's around my life seems alot happier and less lonely and i know here is someone who will love me for everything i am, and when she leaves its kinda like... back to reality. sometimes i forget how much she is a friend and how life is with her around. but nevertheless, this means we spend more quality time together when we meet up, instead of just generally being under one roof. quite looking forward to this weekend, she might be cooking and sunday is baby's galore. another niece. my cousins work fast. hurhur.
okay la i go bathe i am damn smelly. fortunately technology hasn't progress much. can you imagine if SMELL can be transmitted through the world wide web? what a muddle of smells.
another long day. but i am pleased to check my mail and see that i've got the tutorial slots i wanted. so it doesn't matter that i was neurotic for a good half of the day (no more cafe latte at noon), felt extremely agitated in lit class (note to self: post on IVLE forum), forgot my writing pad for history lecture (MUST remember to file up foolscape ASAP!), was stuck in a bus full of smelly people, sprained my ankle and scraped my right foot running for the bus to tuition AND that suresh went to ikea and bought the EXACT same mousepad as mine (HARUMPH). no sirree, all that doesn't matter as long as my time- table is spick and span.
but now my feet is damn ugly. both feet got plasters. hahaha. i must be having a particularly clumsy week. :( losing alot of blood!
but its okay i bought 2 500ml soya milk which might or might not contribute to the reproduction of red blood cells but it doesn't matter cuz it was a dollar each and i am hence mighty pleased.
due to my extreme hunger, i am considering running for USC MC, renting a costume for USP D&D as well as applying for the youth conference- one of the many in my emails. hahaha but of course, all this is simply madness which can be easily cured by a good ol' cheese and tuna sandwich or two.
wow the nerves on my left foot is twitching. TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH! i obviously had too much caffeine today. tsk.
tomorrow i have a 2 hour class and that's it. however i will have to watch the movie that was shown in lecture today cuz yes, i have to skip the movie part to go for tuition. hopefully tuition ends before sem ends. i dunno if i can keep up with the movies weekly. for now though, tuesdays shall be film&history movie days. tomorrow's movie is memento. (: quite looking forward to that. anyone else want to watch sms me la we can watch together at the library! haha.
will try to catch up on more readings tonight and turn in early. i am supposed to be tired but the caffeine has made my system bonkers and hence i feel extremely chirpy and energetic, albeit sticky and smelly.
tuna sandwich tuna sandwich tuna sandwich. shower eat read sleep. sounds like a plan.
what i wanted to say yesterday was... umm. okay basically mum came over on sunday since i had a jam- packed weekend so she came down to my place for dinner at the cafe. then we grocery- shopped then talked nonsense in my room. then it was time to send her off to the lobby. hailed cab and she was off.
and what i wanted to say was there's something very melancholic and sad in seeing your mother leave. even if you know where she is going and how near it is and blablabla. its just... sad. when she's around my life seems alot happier and less lonely and i know here is someone who will love me for everything i am, and when she leaves its kinda like... back to reality. sometimes i forget how much she is a friend and how life is with her around. but nevertheless, this means we spend more quality time together when we meet up, instead of just generally being under one roof. quite looking forward to this weekend, she might be cooking and sunday is baby's galore. another niece. my cousins work fast. hurhur.
okay la i go bathe i am damn smelly. fortunately technology hasn't progress much. can you imagine if SMELL can be transmitted through the world wide web? what a muddle of smells.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
hello there
woke up at 6.30 a.m. today to take a walk to the main bus- stop outside campus cuz shuttle service doesn't begin THAT early. first match started at 10ish, lost to NYP 1- 0. drew 1- 1 with Holy Innocents' and TJC, and got through to Final 16 as best 3rd placing team within group.
won 1- 0 against OFS but then lost 1- 0 to Sporting Westlake at Quarter- Finals. oh well, at least we went pretty far. got to play for awhile, but not very well i must admit. heat, exhaustion, aching hips from yesterday and general nerves. oh well. not bad for a first game i guess.
got back to PGP at about 5ish and just crashed out till now. mum is on her way and we're eating at PGP cuz i am too tired to go anywhere else. besides i got readings to clear. in fact i was doing some readings between matches at jalan besar stadium just now. how pathetic.
showered, and feeling lots fresher. i miss blogging like usual but i think i'm too busy to write more than just beyond the "today i did this this this and that". maybe when i'm more free. getting there, getting there.
right, off to dinner then. later everybirdy.
woke up at 6.30 a.m. today to take a walk to the main bus- stop outside campus cuz shuttle service doesn't begin THAT early. first match started at 10ish, lost to NYP 1- 0. drew 1- 1 with Holy Innocents' and TJC, and got through to Final 16 as best 3rd placing team within group.
won 1- 0 against OFS but then lost 1- 0 to Sporting Westlake at Quarter- Finals. oh well, at least we went pretty far. got to play for awhile, but not very well i must admit. heat, exhaustion, aching hips from yesterday and general nerves. oh well. not bad for a first game i guess.
got back to PGP at about 5ish and just crashed out till now. mum is on her way and we're eating at PGP cuz i am too tired to go anywhere else. besides i got readings to clear. in fact i was doing some readings between matches at jalan besar stadium just now. how pathetic.
showered, and feeling lots fresher. i miss blogging like usual but i think i'm too busy to write more than just beyond the "today i did this this this and that". maybe when i'm more free. getting there, getting there.
right, off to dinner then. later everybirdy.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
exhaustion
total absolute exhaustion. met in school at 11 a.m. for some dance rehearsals and then bus down to plaza sing. performed at 1.40 and 3.40. thanks to all who came down. ate with a bunch of people plus my mum after that at thai express. went to smu to study but i crashed out and slept while suresh read plato. then it was soccer at prinsep.
mum and me and nehneh.
me and ruz and apek.
final pose for hiphop segment.
okay i am pooped and i got to be at lavender station at 7.30 A.M. for soccer tomorrow. -_-
good night everybodeh.
total absolute exhaustion. met in school at 11 a.m. for some dance rehearsals and then bus down to plaza sing. performed at 1.40 and 3.40. thanks to all who came down. ate with a bunch of people plus my mum after that at thai express. went to smu to study but i crashed out and slept while suresh read plato. then it was soccer at prinsep.
mum and me and nehneh.
me and ruz and apek.
final pose for hiphop segment.
okay i am pooped and i got to be at lavender station at 7.30 A.M. for soccer tomorrow. -_-
good night everybodeh.
starved
hello i am back from the north pole a.k.a. meeting room 4b at level 1 where the aircon has no remote, and where the buttons and dials are there's wires of different colours which i assumed when connected, could either cause combustion or a change in temperature. as such, neither of us took the risk.
studied for about 2 hours in the freezing cold. tropical island my foot.
off for maggi mee now and tomorrow is second Rag performance at Plaza Sing.
oh yes. i went to queensway today and fixed the bag, bought new boots, new black socks and new shin guard. if i don't play on sunday at least i will be the most newly- dressed person.
i am damn hungry and hence incoherent. bye.
hello i am back from the north pole a.k.a. meeting room 4b at level 1 where the aircon has no remote, and where the buttons and dials are there's wires of different colours which i assumed when connected, could either cause combustion or a change in temperature. as such, neither of us took the risk.
studied for about 2 hours in the freezing cold. tropical island my foot.
off for maggi mee now and tomorrow is second Rag performance at Plaza Sing.
oh yes. i went to queensway today and fixed the bag, bought new boots, new black socks and new shin guard. if i don't play on sunday at least i will be the most newly- dressed person.
i am damn hungry and hence incoherent. bye.
Friday, August 18, 2006
HAHAHA
i just found out that mathilda d'silva has been voted off singapore idol. apparently, jasmine tye, paul twohill and joakim gomez can sing better than her. oh and apparently, according to the latest SgIdol trailer i saw on TV mobile, they will cease to show faces, only voices; "for it is after all, a SINGING competition."
HAHAHA. funny right?! not funny meh? damn funny lor. the irony is so lost on the poor fools who themselves chose these tone- deaf people to sing and then realize oh crap they look good but they can't sing as well as the other people we kicked out for not being good TV fodder!
whatever la hor.
tomorrow free day, yay! i must go boots- hunting cuz my trusty old nikes from JC1 ripped apart and i was running around with a studless right boot. tournament this sunday, so exciting! don't think i'll get to play much but the experience will be useful. and i got a jersey. :D no. 11. can la hor. i not picky one.
classes 10- 4 straight today and wah seh, damn shag. that's it la i will push my religion tutorial to friday, even if it means 2 hours in school every even week on a friday. with straight classes for 6 hours, i am death manifested by the time class ends, what more with soccer afterwards.
tomorrow is also coursepack shopping day. and uhh mugging day. and speaking of which, i better go shower so that i can do laundry. yes, at 3 a.m. cuz suresh sucks and can't do laundry. bah.
btw, saturday i'll be performing the Rag item again at 1.40 and 3.40, or thereabouts. at plaza singapura. so if you guys wanna come down and watch bunch of nus kids prance around, feel free. it IS a saturday. :D
okay laundry time.
i just found out that mathilda d'silva has been voted off singapore idol. apparently, jasmine tye, paul twohill and joakim gomez can sing better than her. oh and apparently, according to the latest SgIdol trailer i saw on TV mobile, they will cease to show faces, only voices; "for it is after all, a SINGING competition."
HAHAHA. funny right?! not funny meh? damn funny lor. the irony is so lost on the poor fools who themselves chose these tone- deaf people to sing and then realize oh crap they look good but they can't sing as well as the other people we kicked out for not being good TV fodder!
whatever la hor.
tomorrow free day, yay! i must go boots- hunting cuz my trusty old nikes from JC1 ripped apart and i was running around with a studless right boot. tournament this sunday, so exciting! don't think i'll get to play much but the experience will be useful. and i got a jersey. :D no. 11. can la hor. i not picky one.
classes 10- 4 straight today and wah seh, damn shag. that's it la i will push my religion tutorial to friday, even if it means 2 hours in school every even week on a friday. with straight classes for 6 hours, i am death manifested by the time class ends, what more with soccer afterwards.
tomorrow is also coursepack shopping day. and uhh mugging day. and speaking of which, i better go shower so that i can do laundry. yes, at 3 a.m. cuz suresh sucks and can't do laundry. bah.
btw, saturday i'll be performing the Rag item again at 1.40 and 3.40, or thereabouts. at plaza singapura. so if you guys wanna come down and watch bunch of nus kids prance around, feel free. it IS a saturday. :D
okay laundry time.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
pinky moment
for the regular readers of this blog, most would recall with ease my darling slammed pinky and how it happened.
slammed pinky.
so i guess it is of little surprise that on my way to the toilet outside LT13 earlier, i tripped on a raised bit of the ground and since its made of good old red bricks, it ripped the skin beneath my toe. i thought it was just a general pain thing that will subside, but then i felt something sticky. it looked like just a surface thing, torn skin, a little bit of blood. limped towards the toilet. when i got there, i realized it felt WET. and yes, puddle of blood on slipper. whoopee. PINKY MOMENT.
now at this point let's do a compare and contrast.
when i slammed my pinky, it was because i was groggy from sleep and i was in a hurry to go PEE. tonight when i tripped, it was because i was tired from a long day and was trying to look behind and see the shuttle bus while walking towards the toilet to... PEE.
when i slammed my pinky my first instinct was to, "orh, go toilet pee first la." when i cut my toe my first thought was, "orh never mind, toilet very near already go pee first."
after i sat on the toilet bowl, i realized that the pinky was bleeding alot and was DAMN painful. after i sat on the toilet bowl, i realized that the toe was bleeding alot and was DAMN painful.
when the reality set in, the first thing i thought of was, "shit right hand, how to write/ type?" tonight the first thing i thought was, "shit, tomorrow got soccer training."
the main difference would be there is an extra train of thought now. in the bus ride back to my hostel, i thought, "shit, how to tell mum?"
hahaha but its okay MUM i am FINE its just a little cut i put plaster everything is fine and dandy and i can still walk and play soccer. :D
wah okay then this damn sad thing happened. (no not my toe thing) i bought cheap cute jelly shoes from great world city just now and then FORGOT about it and left it at tuition. luckily i got the admin officer's number. called him and told him to take it for me tomorrow morning before the students come in. phew. and suresh has promised to go take it from me after his class since he finishes first. phewwwww.
but i still damn sad ah cuz like when you just buy new things you must like stare at it and admire and try etc. but good thing also la with this busted toe i'm probably going to stain the shoes if i tried it. so it all works out ey.
so anyway. movie! was! great! fantastic! magnificient! honestly la, it was brilliant.
sophia magdelena scholl. the true story of a girl in nazi germany who handed out leaflets at her university with her brother, got caught, went to trial and was eventually executed.
several things moved me, like her raw passion. so much of her passion came from sympathy for women, children, things that touch the femaly psyche so much. for all her bravery she had such a tender heart and was motivated to fight for such a simple humane cause.
but what made me shook and cry was the trial. the absolute injustice was frustrating, exasperating and it riled me up so much i felt like i was so close to jumping up and screaming at the judge myself. his flippance to their ideas, his awe of the Fuhrer, his ignorance of their statements, everything, absolutely everything he said and the way he said, screamed, infuriated me and it took me a very long time to calm down and stop crying.
during the final moments before three of them were executed, they shared a cigarette offered by a kind prison warden. and i just started crying again and i wonder in this world and time we live in, in the state that we are all in, was it in vain, what they did? have we failed the crusaders of freedom and peace? have we lived up to their sacrifice, can we live up to their bravery?
and one of them, probst, out of the blue, among cigarette smoke, sullen silence, brave smiles and melancholic music, said, "it wasn't in vain."
and of course it was impossible to stop crying then. so many things like apathy, ignorance, our lack of desire to fight for what we think is right, our lack of effort to think and formulate our own ideas of what we think is right, everything just got all jumbled up in my head and i was this huge teary mess in the middle of the rather empty theatre.
and i hope to god it wasn't. while i am all for making our thoughts known, i wonder if half the things we're complaining, revolting, protesting against now even measure up to their cause. when we fight for rights, do we have that same passion they had, to go through what they did and face it on with such bravery, such dignity.
i hope that it will never be in vain. i hope everywhere in the world there is one sophie scholl; not just fighting peacefully but with such courage and passion and such simple faith and love for not just the cause, but her friends, her family, music, and sunshine.
may the sun always shine in the memory of her face.
for the regular readers of this blog, most would recall with ease my darling slammed pinky and how it happened.
slammed pinky.
so i guess it is of little surprise that on my way to the toilet outside LT13 earlier, i tripped on a raised bit of the ground and since its made of good old red bricks, it ripped the skin beneath my toe. i thought it was just a general pain thing that will subside, but then i felt something sticky. it looked like just a surface thing, torn skin, a little bit of blood. limped towards the toilet. when i got there, i realized it felt WET. and yes, puddle of blood on slipper. whoopee. PINKY MOMENT.
now at this point let's do a compare and contrast.
when i slammed my pinky, it was because i was groggy from sleep and i was in a hurry to go PEE. tonight when i tripped, it was because i was tired from a long day and was trying to look behind and see the shuttle bus while walking towards the toilet to... PEE.
when i slammed my pinky my first instinct was to, "orh, go toilet pee first la." when i cut my toe my first thought was, "orh never mind, toilet very near already go pee first."
after i sat on the toilet bowl, i realized that the pinky was bleeding alot and was DAMN painful. after i sat on the toilet bowl, i realized that the toe was bleeding alot and was DAMN painful.
when the reality set in, the first thing i thought of was, "shit right hand, how to write/ type?" tonight the first thing i thought was, "shit, tomorrow got soccer training."
the main difference would be there is an extra train of thought now. in the bus ride back to my hostel, i thought, "shit, how to tell mum?"
hahaha but its okay MUM i am FINE its just a little cut i put plaster everything is fine and dandy and i can still walk and play soccer. :D
wah okay then this damn sad thing happened. (no not my toe thing) i bought cheap cute jelly shoes from great world city just now and then FORGOT about it and left it at tuition. luckily i got the admin officer's number. called him and told him to take it for me tomorrow morning before the students come in. phew. and suresh has promised to go take it from me after his class since he finishes first. phewwwww.
but i still damn sad ah cuz like when you just buy new things you must like stare at it and admire and try etc. but good thing also la with this busted toe i'm probably going to stain the shoes if i tried it. so it all works out ey.
so anyway. movie! was! great! fantastic! magnificient! honestly la, it was brilliant.
sophia magdelena scholl. the true story of a girl in nazi germany who handed out leaflets at her university with her brother, got caught, went to trial and was eventually executed.
several things moved me, like her raw passion. so much of her passion came from sympathy for women, children, things that touch the femaly psyche so much. for all her bravery she had such a tender heart and was motivated to fight for such a simple humane cause.
but what made me shook and cry was the trial. the absolute injustice was frustrating, exasperating and it riled me up so much i felt like i was so close to jumping up and screaming at the judge myself. his flippance to their ideas, his awe of the Fuhrer, his ignorance of their statements, everything, absolutely everything he said and the way he said, screamed, infuriated me and it took me a very long time to calm down and stop crying.
during the final moments before three of them were executed, they shared a cigarette offered by a kind prison warden. and i just started crying again and i wonder in this world and time we live in, in the state that we are all in, was it in vain, what they did? have we failed the crusaders of freedom and peace? have we lived up to their sacrifice, can we live up to their bravery?
and one of them, probst, out of the blue, among cigarette smoke, sullen silence, brave smiles and melancholic music, said, "it wasn't in vain."
and of course it was impossible to stop crying then. so many things like apathy, ignorance, our lack of desire to fight for what we think is right, our lack of effort to think and formulate our own ideas of what we think is right, everything just got all jumbled up in my head and i was this huge teary mess in the middle of the rather empty theatre.
and i hope to god it wasn't. while i am all for making our thoughts known, i wonder if half the things we're complaining, revolting, protesting against now even measure up to their cause. when we fight for rights, do we have that same passion they had, to go through what they did and face it on with such bravery, such dignity.
i hope that it will never be in vain. i hope everywhere in the world there is one sophie scholl; not just fighting peacefully but with such courage and passion and such simple faith and love for not just the cause, but her friends, her family, music, and sunshine.
may the sun always shine in the memory of her face.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
haphaphappening
class 10- 12, lunched till 1, bras basah for book- shopping but ended up with archie comics instead. hey, we all need a break.
back to nus. met mum at west coast hawker for dinner. spent my childhood there and its always good to go back. walked past an old stationery shop and i saw a younger me in that shop wheedling my late dad for a 'double- decker' pencilcase with the picture of a motorbike. you know those metal pencilcase with a metal tray on top, so like double decker like that. haha. and he bought it. $4.20. :)
good ol' chicken rice and satay. bought cleo, chitchat with the people there. they've known me from when i was a toddler, imagine that.
got back and rested abit then it was cluster meeting and i am now cluster leader; in charge of collecting mails mainly; among other things. oh well. it pays. literally. so can la hor.
doing laundry in a bit, then its joshua's room for free food. haha he's offering tiramisu and walnut cake. whoohoo free food! i love joshua. whoo joshua!
joshua.
i shall bring my chocolates as a kind gesture. tomorrow no class but got tuition at 7. soooooooo me and sulesh are catching a movie! sophie scholl yay! so exciting! its been a while since i watched a mildly intelligent movie (superman? hello?) so presumptions aside; i've heard good reviews for this one so yes, quite looking forward to it. plus watching it at great world, away from pesky crowd. like the pesky crowd of nus isn't enough.
today i got riled up by the shuttle bus yet again. well its not the shuttle bus/ bus driver per se, but just the general system. it was raining, so bus stop across central library was generally congested, as were the roads. when several SBS buses arrived, the A2 bus stopped near the zebra crossing to let students alight first.
what followed next is the cause of my great angst.
while the students were alighting, a bunch of students rushed from the bus stop, in the rain, towards the bus and boarded it. hence being the sheeps that we've been educated into becoming, the rest of the crowd followed. and henceforth the purpose of a bus- stop was absolutely and entirely defeated and i question this fate of technology, human intelligence, postmodernity and the consequence; impatience. and in the end, not everyone got to board the bus as it was too full so we all had to come back to the bus- stop.
and in the rain and in my slippery slippers i just wanted to do the inconsiderate and uncouth thing of cussing every other idiot who walked towards the bus; as opposed to waiting patiently for the bus to come to the bus- stop. or am i the one in the wrong here for not feeling their sense of urgency? for not WANTING to run after the bus? for wanting to wait at a bus- stop where the bus shall stop for it is, after all, a bus- stop? sometimes i think normalcy is left far far behind and below the high hills of kent ridge.
another complaint will of course be the fact that the book sales no longer has any michael connellys. oh woe is me.
BUT i am getting free tiramisu, walnut cake, had good dinner, am in good company and am generally living the good life so i shall deal with the technicalities and inconveniences that is messed- up transport system (human system?), noisy forum and packed, wet, corridors.
laundry time.
class 10- 12, lunched till 1, bras basah for book- shopping but ended up with archie comics instead. hey, we all need a break.
back to nus. met mum at west coast hawker for dinner. spent my childhood there and its always good to go back. walked past an old stationery shop and i saw a younger me in that shop wheedling my late dad for a 'double- decker' pencilcase with the picture of a motorbike. you know those metal pencilcase with a metal tray on top, so like double decker like that. haha. and he bought it. $4.20. :)
good ol' chicken rice and satay. bought cleo, chitchat with the people there. they've known me from when i was a toddler, imagine that.
got back and rested abit then it was cluster meeting and i am now cluster leader; in charge of collecting mails mainly; among other things. oh well. it pays. literally. so can la hor.
doing laundry in a bit, then its joshua's room for free food. haha he's offering tiramisu and walnut cake. whoohoo free food! i love joshua. whoo joshua!
joshua.
i shall bring my chocolates as a kind gesture. tomorrow no class but got tuition at 7. soooooooo me and sulesh are catching a movie! sophie scholl yay! so exciting! its been a while since i watched a mildly intelligent movie (superman? hello?) so presumptions aside; i've heard good reviews for this one so yes, quite looking forward to it. plus watching it at great world, away from pesky crowd. like the pesky crowd of nus isn't enough.
today i got riled up by the shuttle bus yet again. well its not the shuttle bus/ bus driver per se, but just the general system. it was raining, so bus stop across central library was generally congested, as were the roads. when several SBS buses arrived, the A2 bus stopped near the zebra crossing to let students alight first.
what followed next is the cause of my great angst.
while the students were alighting, a bunch of students rushed from the bus stop, in the rain, towards the bus and boarded it. hence being the sheeps that we've been educated into becoming, the rest of the crowd followed. and henceforth the purpose of a bus- stop was absolutely and entirely defeated and i question this fate of technology, human intelligence, postmodernity and the consequence; impatience. and in the end, not everyone got to board the bus as it was too full so we all had to come back to the bus- stop.
and in the rain and in my slippery slippers i just wanted to do the inconsiderate and uncouth thing of cussing every other idiot who walked towards the bus; as opposed to waiting patiently for the bus to come to the bus- stop. or am i the one in the wrong here for not feeling their sense of urgency? for not WANTING to run after the bus? for wanting to wait at a bus- stop where the bus shall stop for it is, after all, a bus- stop? sometimes i think normalcy is left far far behind and below the high hills of kent ridge.
another complaint will of course be the fact that the book sales no longer has any michael connellys. oh woe is me.
BUT i am getting free tiramisu, walnut cake, had good dinner, am in good company and am generally living the good life so i shall deal with the technicalities and inconveniences that is messed- up transport system (human system?), noisy forum and packed, wet, corridors.
laundry time.
tralala
been meaning to take some shots of the room and upload but have yet to find the time. another day perhaps. i'm pleased as a punch cuz i got new postcards from borders yesterday and one says "all i want ia naked man to call my own". hurhur! and the other is a shot of an old record; imagine by john & yoko. hoo yeah.
i love my pinboard. for now its full of fun pics and funny postcards so till the deadlines bids presence i shall remain contented just so.
two classes today; lit: understanding irony was fun- a reunion with my darl' zat; then film & history with my beloved tim barnard and ian gordon. speaking of which i better sign up for a group soon.
lectures on monday usually ends at 8 (i'm taking THAT film module) but since i gotta teach at 7 i shall leave at 6/5ish and watch the movies on my own. i think this is better, absolutely silence and my total attention. plus i'd have the lecture notes and readings in retrospect and (hopefully) in full understanding so yea, it all works out.
and so today i left at 5, ate at arts canteen, then went for tuition. was 45 minutes early even though i left school close to 6. so yes, it is pretty near. now that that is settled i feel alot better.
class at 10 a.m. tomorrow, then maybe tutorial for the same class at 2. usp classes are so weird like that. but i hope its fun and interesting like evolution last year. word has it pandit is quite a cool dood. so yeap. hopefully.
in other not- so- boring news we ARE performing AGAIN for the public this saturday at plaza singapura. we're slotted to perform at about 1.40 p.m. so for those who missed my faculty's item last saturday (ahem!), come down to town this saturday for the truncated version.
after tuition was 3 plain pratas with curry and sambal then shower back at pgp. then a bit of the swings at the playgrounds and now i'm back in my room. read new paper, then sleep. early day tomorrow.
hope your first day was great too!
been meaning to take some shots of the room and upload but have yet to find the time. another day perhaps. i'm pleased as a punch cuz i got new postcards from borders yesterday and one says "all i want ia naked man to call my own". hurhur! and the other is a shot of an old record; imagine by john & yoko. hoo yeah.
i love my pinboard. for now its full of fun pics and funny postcards so till the deadlines bids presence i shall remain contented just so.
two classes today; lit: understanding irony was fun- a reunion with my darl' zat; then film & history with my beloved tim barnard and ian gordon. speaking of which i better sign up for a group soon.
lectures on monday usually ends at 8 (i'm taking THAT film module) but since i gotta teach at 7 i shall leave at 6/5ish and watch the movies on my own. i think this is better, absolutely silence and my total attention. plus i'd have the lecture notes and readings in retrospect and (hopefully) in full understanding so yea, it all works out.
and so today i left at 5, ate at arts canteen, then went for tuition. was 45 minutes early even though i left school close to 6. so yes, it is pretty near. now that that is settled i feel alot better.
class at 10 a.m. tomorrow, then maybe tutorial for the same class at 2. usp classes are so weird like that. but i hope its fun and interesting like evolution last year. word has it pandit is quite a cool dood. so yeap. hopefully.
in other not- so- boring news we ARE performing AGAIN for the public this saturday at plaza singapura. we're slotted to perform at about 1.40 p.m. so for those who missed my faculty's item last saturday (ahem!), come down to town this saturday for the truncated version.
after tuition was 3 plain pratas with curry and sambal then shower back at pgp. then a bit of the swings at the playgrounds and now i'm back in my room. read new paper, then sleep. early day tomorrow.
hope your first day was great too!
Monday, August 14, 2006
1st day of school
i'm never the sort to miss school and to be honest; i hardly did. but it is good to be back into a routine of sorts; its much easier to make plans and get settled, organized, etc.
will be eating breakfast soon, then suresh has to go off for his 12 p.m. class. my class starts at 2 today so i'll do more readings, prepare for tuition, and then go co- op and get my notebooks and pens.
with every sem, that weight sets in, the need to achieve more than before. and i will. try, at least. :)
oh well, what more can i say.
here we go again.
i'm never the sort to miss school and to be honest; i hardly did. but it is good to be back into a routine of sorts; its much easier to make plans and get settled, organized, etc.
will be eating breakfast soon, then suresh has to go off for his 12 p.m. class. my class starts at 2 today so i'll do more readings, prepare for tuition, and then go co- op and get my notebooks and pens.
with every sem, that weight sets in, the need to achieve more than before. and i will. try, at least. :)
oh well, what more can i say.
here we go again.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
threes
three rag photos.
lingesh, who has done Rag with me for 3 years in a row. also fellow classmate from JC. :)
me and suresh in my 'sprites' dress; behind us is the painstakingly built USP float.
me and suresh in our pre- judging pose.
went home yesterday night, conked out from 5- 11 p.m. woke up for a whole roll of garlic bread, some tv, milan kundera, then back to sleep. up at 10 a.m., did some readings (i got readings to clear by tomorrow, wtf!) then nasi lemak breakfast with mum + papers.
left home at 1.20 p.m. and now i'm here. soccer later at 5 p.m. then borders and maybe watching the charity shield match outside too. time to wear my liverpool jersey!
alright i ought to get some rest before soccer. what a bloody hot sunday, again.
three rag photos.
lingesh, who has done Rag with me for 3 years in a row. also fellow classmate from JC. :)
me and suresh in my 'sprites' dress; behind us is the painstakingly built USP float.
me and suresh in our pre- judging pose.
went home yesterday night, conked out from 5- 11 p.m. woke up for a whole roll of garlic bread, some tv, milan kundera, then back to sleep. up at 10 a.m., did some readings (i got readings to clear by tomorrow, wtf!) then nasi lemak breakfast with mum + papers.
left home at 1.20 p.m. and now i'm here. soccer later at 5 p.m. then borders and maybe watching the charity shield match outside too. time to wear my liverpool jersey!
alright i ought to get some rest before soccer. what a bloody hot sunday, again.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
am finally clean, showered, and back at pgp. fong seng lunch then home for nap, readings, and catching up with mum. and probably tv. no tv since monday how cool am i. whee!
rag was fun for me, ling, boredin, qingru, suresh and other old- timers, and that's what matters most. made friends with some freshies too. same old fun, and somehow its never enough and next year i come back for more. ah well.
i am exhausted beyond believe. woke up at 10.30 a.m. yesterday, rested, did stuff, napped 12- 3 p.m. then early dinner, tuition 7- 9 p.m., rag rehearsals from 10 till make- up at 4 a.m. then pre- judging at 4.30 a.m., more make- up etc, and full- out performance at 9.30 a.m.
so technically i've been awake for more than 24 hours, not counting the nap. i am now functioning purely on sheer willpower to get food- home- sleep. and some leftover sugar high.
to all raggers, its been another beautiful journey, but if only we had all ended it together... ah well. :) i'm happy.
no blogposts over weekend cuz no laptop at home. seeya guys sunday evening then. soccer at 5 p.m. yowza!
rag was fun for me, ling, boredin, qingru, suresh and other old- timers, and that's what matters most. made friends with some freshies too. same old fun, and somehow its never enough and next year i come back for more. ah well.
i am exhausted beyond believe. woke up at 10.30 a.m. yesterday, rested, did stuff, napped 12- 3 p.m. then early dinner, tuition 7- 9 p.m., rag rehearsals from 10 till make- up at 4 a.m. then pre- judging at 4.30 a.m., more make- up etc, and full- out performance at 9.30 a.m.
so technically i've been awake for more than 24 hours, not counting the nap. i am now functioning purely on sheer willpower to get food- home- sleep. and some leftover sugar high.
to all raggers, its been another beautiful journey, but if only we had all ended it together... ah well. :) i'm happy.
no blogposts over weekend cuz no laptop at home. seeya guys sunday evening then. soccer at 5 p.m. yowza!
Friday, August 11, 2006
things that makes me click
this was one of the main songs on the lake house movie and i distinctively remembered telling suresh, "hmm should buy this soundtrack. it sounds like something by beatles."
and wonder of wonders, it IS by a Beatle. paul mccartney. to think that 40 years on and he still sounds the same... kudos to the man and this lovely song. when i googled and found out, it felt like the whole world is right again. only Beatles do that to me. and i may not get the Fab Four, but this Fab One will do.
now i see
this is the way it's supposed to be
i met you and now i see
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be for lovers
they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own
so come to me
now we can be what we wanna be
i love you and now i see
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be for lovers
they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own
i'm very sure
this never happened to me before
i met you and now i'm sure
this never happened before
This Never Happened Before; Paul McCartney
this was one of the main songs on the lake house movie and i distinctively remembered telling suresh, "hmm should buy this soundtrack. it sounds like something by beatles."
and wonder of wonders, it IS by a Beatle. paul mccartney. to think that 40 years on and he still sounds the same... kudos to the man and this lovely song. when i googled and found out, it felt like the whole world is right again. only Beatles do that to me. and i may not get the Fab Four, but this Fab One will do.
now i see
this is the way it's supposed to be
i met you and now i see
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be for lovers
they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own
so come to me
now we can be what we wanna be
i love you and now i see
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be
this is the way it should be for lovers
they shouldn't go it alone
it's not so good when you're on your own
i'm very sure
this never happened to me before
i met you and now i'm sure
this never happened before
This Never Happened Before; Paul McCartney
Thursday, August 10, 2006
2 things.
1. there is a RETARD on my floor who thinks it very important to switch off the lights of the kitchen and toilets at night. ARE YOU MAD. ARE YOU BOLLOCKS FRICKIN MAD. do you know how freaky scary stupid dingdong etcetcetc it is to rush to the toilet wanting to pee and entering absolute DARKNESS?!?! do you have any idea?!?! i appreciate your attempt to save electricity but remember charity starts at home so why not YOU live in darkness, and leave us all in bright lit- up peace. off in the day cannot issit?!!? off at night!??! like what's the bloody logic!!?
2. i am craving for turkish bread with hummus. :(
1. there is a RETARD on my floor who thinks it very important to switch off the lights of the kitchen and toilets at night. ARE YOU MAD. ARE YOU BOLLOCKS FRICKIN MAD. do you know how freaky scary stupid dingdong etcetcetc it is to rush to the toilet wanting to pee and entering absolute DARKNESS?!?! do you have any idea?!?! i appreciate your attempt to save electricity but remember charity starts at home so why not YOU live in darkness, and leave us all in bright lit- up peace. off in the day cannot issit?!!? off at night!??! like what's the bloody logic!!?
2. i am craving for turkish bread with hummus. :(
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
as i'm leaving
rag as per usual, then macs for lunch. back to room for a nap then ikea @ 8 p.m. with mum. room looks cosier now. rug, laundry bag, cushion. :)
dropped the stuff in my room then headed to fong seng for dinner. short hours but very fulfilling. its what i've come to learn to appreciate when living away from home; quality time.
when i left my place on monday i teared at my corridor. teared in the train. teared at several different moments. just random triggers of the waterworks.
the major one occured while i was listening to suresh's iPod in the train (yeah i teared in public transport how embarrassing). this song came and i just remembered my 20th birthday and the multitude of emotions i felt; the general state of giddying happiness coupled with that wistful longing for i don't know what.
I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
when i was all of 18 going on 19, i was excited and eager to move into campus; the thought of living independently, of living on my own lone self was exciting and thrilling. this time when i left; it was with trepidation, hesitance... and a slight tinge of fear. i can't really articulate the root of the fear; but maybe i was just afraid of straying too far from the me i was, the me i am. straying away from the person that i am when nestled in the loving walls of home.
and far from just the age factor, alot has to do with things that has happened over the year. my mum is once again living alone, we have gotten used to living together, just us, again. and having been through it before, i know staying alone is no bed of roses.
now that i'm 20 going on 21, i fear that i will grow up and change (as i've been growing and changing) and become someone else and my mum won't be there to watch it all happen. now when i move out i'm saddened by the fact that i will shed those dead skin of the old me and become someone new without my mum there. living together with my mum is like being in the same country with your best friend; living apart from her is like having your best friend in melbourne (ahem). no matter the amount of communication, meeting up, whatever nots; its not the same as waking and sleeping under the same roof.
but between then and now; i think it will be better for me now. now i go into this with previous knowledge as to how living alone can become so dreary and depressive. and i think over time, i've grown up enough to know what i want to do with my life, my time, and i won't spend this freedom foolishly as i did before. i take this fear as a good thing; a sign of changing times, of growing old.
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
some might ask, why move out then? circumstances. my life isn't as rosy as we all think, too. like i said before, those who know, knows, and understands well enough and is there for me when i need them.
i keep a photo of me on my 10th birthday kissing my dad in a huge fluffy white gown not just because i miss him, but to remind me of where i come from, who i am. no matter how far i go in life, be it living on campus or spending 20 days in a thai village; i know deep inside i am still that girl in her ballet slippers and flouncy dress who loves her parents more than her life itself. who only knew two people in her tiny little world and was beyond contented, beyond happy. i was a girl who owned little but had so much.
and that to me is very precious. when i think of how i am capable of such love for them, i know i am capable of more wonderful glorious things.
i pray that God guides me everyday as i once again walk down a path familiar but not necessarily the same as before. so much has changed since the last time i lived alone and i hope those changes better equip me for this; and not impede me.
As I'm leaving
A change comes on my eyes
These streets persuading me
With mumbled strange goodbyes
Through the water
Through the rain
To the soul of everything
Throw my heart out on the stones
And I'm almost gone
There's no meaning
In clothes and coffee cups
Cheap hotel furniture
Where silence never stops
As I'm Leaving; David Gray
rag as per usual, then macs for lunch. back to room for a nap then ikea @ 8 p.m. with mum. room looks cosier now. rug, laundry bag, cushion. :)
dropped the stuff in my room then headed to fong seng for dinner. short hours but very fulfilling. its what i've come to learn to appreciate when living away from home; quality time.
when i left my place on monday i teared at my corridor. teared in the train. teared at several different moments. just random triggers of the waterworks.
the major one occured while i was listening to suresh's iPod in the train (yeah i teared in public transport how embarrassing). this song came and i just remembered my 20th birthday and the multitude of emotions i felt; the general state of giddying happiness coupled with that wistful longing for i don't know what.
I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
when i was all of 18 going on 19, i was excited and eager to move into campus; the thought of living independently, of living on my own lone self was exciting and thrilling. this time when i left; it was with trepidation, hesitance... and a slight tinge of fear. i can't really articulate the root of the fear; but maybe i was just afraid of straying too far from the me i was, the me i am. straying away from the person that i am when nestled in the loving walls of home.
and far from just the age factor, alot has to do with things that has happened over the year. my mum is once again living alone, we have gotten used to living together, just us, again. and having been through it before, i know staying alone is no bed of roses.
now that i'm 20 going on 21, i fear that i will grow up and change (as i've been growing and changing) and become someone else and my mum won't be there to watch it all happen. now when i move out i'm saddened by the fact that i will shed those dead skin of the old me and become someone new without my mum there. living together with my mum is like being in the same country with your best friend; living apart from her is like having your best friend in melbourne (ahem). no matter the amount of communication, meeting up, whatever nots; its not the same as waking and sleeping under the same roof.
but between then and now; i think it will be better for me now. now i go into this with previous knowledge as to how living alone can become so dreary and depressive. and i think over time, i've grown up enough to know what i want to do with my life, my time, and i won't spend this freedom foolishly as i did before. i take this fear as a good thing; a sign of changing times, of growing old.
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
some might ask, why move out then? circumstances. my life isn't as rosy as we all think, too. like i said before, those who know, knows, and understands well enough and is there for me when i need them.
i keep a photo of me on my 10th birthday kissing my dad in a huge fluffy white gown not just because i miss him, but to remind me of where i come from, who i am. no matter how far i go in life, be it living on campus or spending 20 days in a thai village; i know deep inside i am still that girl in her ballet slippers and flouncy dress who loves her parents more than her life itself. who only knew two people in her tiny little world and was beyond contented, beyond happy. i was a girl who owned little but had so much.
and that to me is very precious. when i think of how i am capable of such love for them, i know i am capable of more wonderful glorious things.
i pray that God guides me everyday as i once again walk down a path familiar but not necessarily the same as before. so much has changed since the last time i lived alone and i hope those changes better equip me for this; and not impede me.
As I'm leaving
A change comes on my eyes
These streets persuading me
With mumbled strange goodbyes
Through the water
Through the rain
To the soul of everything
Throw my heart out on the stones
And I'm almost gone
There's no meaning
In clothes and coffee cups
Cheap hotel furniture
Where silence never stops
As I'm Leaving; David Gray
looks like we made it
rag 12- 3, rag- shopping till 4, sofra late lunch about 5ish, more rag- shopping till 7, then lake house at 7.20 p.m. and rounded that off with impromptu fireworks viewing in the middle of the junction. :) all the cars stopped anyway.
good day, loved the movie, loved the food, love the company, always.
and as we wandered about bugis looking for skanky skirts for rag performance, we found these!
so cliche but so fun!
we belong together.
its been a brilliant one year; ups and downs but mostly crazy highs cuz that's just how you make me. sugar sugar how you get so fly...
looking forward to another hour, another day, another week, another date; we'll be fine i know, cuz we may hit rock- bottom but we bounce back just as fast. look how far we've come my baby.
p.s.: moving- in post etc later tonight or summat. i gotta go eat something. i'm starved.
rag 12- 3, rag- shopping till 4, sofra late lunch about 5ish, more rag- shopping till 7, then lake house at 7.20 p.m. and rounded that off with impromptu fireworks viewing in the middle of the junction. :) all the cars stopped anyway.
good day, loved the movie, loved the food, love the company, always.
and as we wandered about bugis looking for skanky skirts for rag performance, we found these!
so cliche but so fun!
we belong together.
its been a brilliant one year; ups and downs but mostly crazy highs cuz that's just how you make me. sugar sugar how you get so fly...
looking forward to another hour, another day, another week, another date; we'll be fine i know, cuz we may hit rock- bottom but we bounce back just as fast. look how far we've come my baby.
p.s.: moving- in post etc later tonight or summat. i gotta go eat something. i'm starved.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
whoo hoo!
yupyup am at pgp now and waiting for bedsheet to dry so that i can move in for good; i.e. SLEEP. rag 11- 3 tomorrow then its some date of sorts with the nehneh cuz we hit a YEAR!
i was so confident we'll never get here that now that we're here i'm abit, "uhhh, okay." haha but i'm happy. :))
got some rag admin to settle yadayada my life is quite boring its all moving in to pgp; rag- shopping/ rag- settling/ rag- dancing. or bidding. or this that and summat. but i am HAPPY.
teared and cried at different parts of the day. i've got a bit to say about moving but right now i'll do other stuff before i yammer on. the nehneh is falling asleep and not entertaining meeeee! i don't want to go to the laundry room alone its so farrrrrrrr.
okay bye!
yupyup am at pgp now and waiting for bedsheet to dry so that i can move in for good; i.e. SLEEP. rag 11- 3 tomorrow then its some date of sorts with the nehneh cuz we hit a YEAR!
i was so confident we'll never get here that now that we're here i'm abit, "uhhh, okay." haha but i'm happy. :))
got some rag admin to settle yadayada my life is quite boring its all moving in to pgp; rag- shopping/ rag- settling/ rag- dancing. or bidding. or this that and summat. but i am HAPPY.
teared and cried at different parts of the day. i've got a bit to say about moving but right now i'll do other stuff before i yammer on. the nehneh is falling asleep and not entertaining meeeee! i don't want to go to the laundry room alone its so farrrrrrrr.
okay bye!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
sundays, wedding days, moving day!
got home at almost 5 a.m. yesterday. and now i've got to pack some more cuz the boys are arriving at 2/ 3 to pick me up and my stuff for PGP.
went to jb at about 5ish, avoided the traffic jam, ate cakes at secret recipe and window shopped. and if you think the MNG Sale @ SG rocks, then jb's KICK ASS. and there were also having an IT sale and everything was just a crapload cheaper i was simply ASTOUNDED but that aside.
cousin arrived at 8ish and we headed straight to the seafood stall we always patronize. sambal prawns, baby squid, tom yam soup, three- flavoured fish, kangkong belachan and black pepper crab. : and yes, it WAS alot of food. just ate it all up cuz when in great company food just generally taste a whole lot better.
talked about everything under the sun which concerns us and laughed alot too. good memories from my childhood days in malaysia during vacation time. then it was 3 durians and us by the beach.
and over the course of this food- laden escapade, we took 77 photos- not me, but my cousin's good friend yus. haha and they were all kinda silly. at one point all three ladies balanced a spoon on their nose much to my cousin's astonishment.
i want so much to be a better person and i think the time is right; a fresh start awaits and opportunities lay abound for me to take advantage of. God willing and with the support of all close and dear, i will. :)
hafiz lim and hidayat will be helping me move in today, and suresh will come with the car as well in case there isn't enough space for me or my stuff in yat's car. and with all the help and love and whatnots pouring from all over the place i can't help feeling so blessed.
hafiz lim said this one before and i hardly took notice but now i think its true... i live a charmed life. and i hope it lasts.
got home at almost 5 a.m. yesterday. and now i've got to pack some more cuz the boys are arriving at 2/ 3 to pick me up and my stuff for PGP.
went to jb at about 5ish, avoided the traffic jam, ate cakes at secret recipe and window shopped. and if you think the MNG Sale @ SG rocks, then jb's KICK ASS. and there were also having an IT sale and everything was just a crapload cheaper i was simply ASTOUNDED but that aside.
cousin arrived at 8ish and we headed straight to the seafood stall we always patronize. sambal prawns, baby squid, tom yam soup, three- flavoured fish, kangkong belachan and black pepper crab. : and yes, it WAS alot of food. just ate it all up cuz when in great company food just generally taste a whole lot better.
talked about everything under the sun which concerns us and laughed alot too. good memories from my childhood days in malaysia during vacation time. then it was 3 durians and us by the beach.
and over the course of this food- laden escapade, we took 77 photos- not me, but my cousin's good friend yus. haha and they were all kinda silly. at one point all three ladies balanced a spoon on their nose much to my cousin's astonishment.
i want so much to be a better person and i think the time is right; a fresh start awaits and opportunities lay abound for me to take advantage of. God willing and with the support of all close and dear, i will. :)
hafiz lim and hidayat will be helping me move in today, and suresh will come with the car as well in case there isn't enough space for me or my stuff in yat's car. and with all the help and love and whatnots pouring from all over the place i can't help feeling so blessed.
hafiz lim said this one before and i hardly took notice but now i think its true... i live a charmed life. and i hope it lasts.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
now you're stuck in a moment
so much for 3 hours of dance, went to sleep with a knocked- out knee and woke up with the same dull ache. worst case senario is a torn ligament (ACK!) but for now i think its just a tired kneecap. so yup, didn't go for dance.
the nehneh had soccer in the morning and whoops, twisted his ankle. so it was two hobblers making their way to bugis for a swensens' lunch. giant prawn+fruits salad, fries and aglio olio for him. a little walkabout then a train ride home.
off to jaybee to meet the cousin (WHEE!) from port dickson for dinner. maybe a bout' of shopping at citylink mall. i've got an anniversary to dress up for come tuesday. :))
as yet my modules are ULT2299A: Lit 2- Understanding Irony; ULS2204: Biodiversity and Conservation Biology; SC3208: Religion in Society and Culture; SC2216: Emotions in Social Life and lastly HY2243; Film and History. i've seen the class roster for most of it and umm, i think i only know maya's HUSNI!!! for my emotions class. hahaha. i am hapless without hapizzzzzzzzzz!
but i have my izzati and laremy and holly for lit class. and i know most of the rest too. quite a small class; which will probably be good for a lit module. as for biodiv; i already know i have the nehneh and the sara for lectures so okay la. soci mods i sit alone and action mugger. haha.
another issue; ANOTHER SEM WITHOUT my purple boy! WTH! so unfair right like the whole world has taken a module with him but ME. bah. i give up. i shall now focus my efforts unto a fellow non- malay who has caught my attention mwahahaha.
suresh i lurps youps.
if anyone who read my blog here actually KNOWS purple boy and tells him about my crush i will sit on all of you until you turn blue in the face, understand?
okay la i better rest abit before going jb. what a bloody hot day.
so much for 3 hours of dance, went to sleep with a knocked- out knee and woke up with the same dull ache. worst case senario is a torn ligament (ACK!) but for now i think its just a tired kneecap. so yup, didn't go for dance.
the nehneh had soccer in the morning and whoops, twisted his ankle. so it was two hobblers making their way to bugis for a swensens' lunch. giant prawn+fruits salad, fries and aglio olio for him. a little walkabout then a train ride home.
off to jaybee to meet the cousin (WHEE!) from port dickson for dinner. maybe a bout' of shopping at citylink mall. i've got an anniversary to dress up for come tuesday. :))
as yet my modules are ULT2299A: Lit 2- Understanding Irony; ULS2204: Biodiversity and Conservation Biology; SC3208: Religion in Society and Culture; SC2216: Emotions in Social Life and lastly HY2243; Film and History. i've seen the class roster for most of it and umm, i think i only know maya's HUSNI!!! for my emotions class. hahaha. i am hapless without hapizzzzzzzzzz!
but i have my izzati and laremy and holly for lit class. and i know most of the rest too. quite a small class; which will probably be good for a lit module. as for biodiv; i already know i have the nehneh and the sara for lectures so okay la. soci mods i sit alone and action mugger. haha.
another issue; ANOTHER SEM WITHOUT my purple boy! WTH! so unfair right like the whole world has taken a module with him but ME. bah. i give up. i shall now focus my efforts unto a fellow non- malay who has caught my attention mwahahaha.
suresh i lurps youps.
if anyone who read my blog here actually KNOWS purple boy and tells him about my crush i will sit on all of you until you turn blue in the face, understand?
okay la i better rest abit before going jb. what a bloody hot day.
just like you said it would be
some days i like to read through my archives and smile to myself. it makes me feel old, it makes me feel silly, it make me happy.
life goes easy on me, most, of the time
some songs never fail to make my cry. blower's daughter is one, for no apparent reason whatsoever other than the sad desperation in his voice that hits somewhere deep in me, somewhere so deep and stagnant that i forget its there till i hear the song again and the tears well and fall.
i can't take my mind of you
i read about my freshie crush on najib, my on-off-on again relationship with limbelo, about struggling in the first sem, about loving PGP the first time i saw it, read about it all and let the memories sit around me like warm loving company; warm chocolate fudge on brownie.
did i say that i want to, leave it all behind?
some love you never let go; especially the love you never had. i think packing makes me nostalgic- every move to a new place means leaving behind something old and dear. and as much as i love fresh starts, i also can't help but feel like my life lack that fluidity that comes with staying in one place/ with one person for a long period of time.
but maybe that's not the life for me. how would i know, i never had it.
no love, no glory
no hero in her sky
i've become so good at taking a step back and analyzing the big picture i wonder if i'm missing anyone in the small picture. i don't know how to articulate what i feel...
i'm entering my third year in NUS. and i guess mild as it seems its still quite a muddle, chaos, landmark. i've gotten this far, i believe, riding alot on luck and everyday i live in fear that luck might run out and i will have to rely on myself. and maybe then, life would fail and give up on me, scatter and fall and melt around me like an igloo in sahara.
every now and then that niggling thought returns; just how much better can i do, can i get that ticket to 4th year? have i thrown it all away unknowingly? will i live to regret the consequences?
i hate late nights, it has always triggered such random psychosis. that tangential drivel that makes little sense, and hardly tries. i remember nights in early august, 2 years ago. that thick fear that swallows my gut and leaves a black hole where it was as i stared at the ceiling and the spinning fan.
everything is so much better now but i can't help but feel edgy. if something ever so small and slight even nudges a little too the left or off- centre i might just let go of everything i thought i hold dear and run for my life.
i think running is something i've always been good at. run. run. run.
i think i need rest. today was a long day; attempted checking in to PGP but room wasn't ready, had lunch, checked bidding, checked ivle, signed loans form, swam some laps, ate some more, went home, packed some, ate dinner, and now here.
we'll both forget the breeze
i can't wait for school to start, there is so much to look forward to. all my modules look fun and there is soccer too. nevertheless that niggling thought, that fear, that general gray zone i hardly traverse to lies in wait, like a tiger outside his cave knowing his dinner sits inside; away from the cold, apparently safe; absolutely ignorant to the presence of a predator.
and how many of us are in that cave? we think we're keeping ourselves warm by the fire but all we're actually doing is giving the tiger a nicely heated dinner.
and when i do something out of the norm, off the routine, do anything that midly scares me, anything that is new- i fear i am leaving the cave.
the pupil in denial
i think i've said this before; sometimes i want so much to be happy, it becomes a burden i put unto myself. a healthy good burden, but a burden just the same. i feel bad when i feel sad, cuz i always think my problems are not worthy of sadness, of concern, of attention, of worry, of me. all i can is to be happy. cuz that is who i am, no? if i am not happy, then who am i?
some days i like to read through my archives and smile to myself. it makes me feel old, it makes me feel silly, it make me happy.
life goes easy on me, most, of the time
some songs never fail to make my cry. blower's daughter is one, for no apparent reason whatsoever other than the sad desperation in his voice that hits somewhere deep in me, somewhere so deep and stagnant that i forget its there till i hear the song again and the tears well and fall.
i can't take my mind of you
i read about my freshie crush on najib, my on-off-on again relationship with limbelo, about struggling in the first sem, about loving PGP the first time i saw it, read about it all and let the memories sit around me like warm loving company; warm chocolate fudge on brownie.
did i say that i want to, leave it all behind?
some love you never let go; especially the love you never had. i think packing makes me nostalgic- every move to a new place means leaving behind something old and dear. and as much as i love fresh starts, i also can't help but feel like my life lack that fluidity that comes with staying in one place/ with one person for a long period of time.
but maybe that's not the life for me. how would i know, i never had it.
no love, no glory
no hero in her sky
i've become so good at taking a step back and analyzing the big picture i wonder if i'm missing anyone in the small picture. i don't know how to articulate what i feel...
i'm entering my third year in NUS. and i guess mild as it seems its still quite a muddle, chaos, landmark. i've gotten this far, i believe, riding alot on luck and everyday i live in fear that luck might run out and i will have to rely on myself. and maybe then, life would fail and give up on me, scatter and fall and melt around me like an igloo in sahara.
every now and then that niggling thought returns; just how much better can i do, can i get that ticket to 4th year? have i thrown it all away unknowingly? will i live to regret the consequences?
i hate late nights, it has always triggered such random psychosis. that tangential drivel that makes little sense, and hardly tries. i remember nights in early august, 2 years ago. that thick fear that swallows my gut and leaves a black hole where it was as i stared at the ceiling and the spinning fan.
everything is so much better now but i can't help but feel edgy. if something ever so small and slight even nudges a little too the left or off- centre i might just let go of everything i thought i hold dear and run for my life.
i think running is something i've always been good at. run. run. run.
i think i need rest. today was a long day; attempted checking in to PGP but room wasn't ready, had lunch, checked bidding, checked ivle, signed loans form, swam some laps, ate some more, went home, packed some, ate dinner, and now here.
we'll both forget the breeze
i can't wait for school to start, there is so much to look forward to. all my modules look fun and there is soccer too. nevertheless that niggling thought, that fear, that general gray zone i hardly traverse to lies in wait, like a tiger outside his cave knowing his dinner sits inside; away from the cold, apparently safe; absolutely ignorant to the presence of a predator.
and how many of us are in that cave? we think we're keeping ourselves warm by the fire but all we're actually doing is giving the tiger a nicely heated dinner.
and when i do something out of the norm, off the routine, do anything that midly scares me, anything that is new- i fear i am leaving the cave.
the pupil in denial
i think i've said this before; sometimes i want so much to be happy, it becomes a burden i put unto myself. a healthy good burden, but a burden just the same. i feel bad when i feel sad, cuz i always think my problems are not worthy of sadness, of concern, of attention, of worry, of me. all i can is to be happy. cuz that is who i am, no? if i am not happy, then who am i?
Thursday, August 03, 2006
let's make it a night to remember
breakfast at amk banquet; 2 plain pratas, 1 vegetarian carrot cake. drive down to tekka (two days in a row woot!) to park, then train down to chinatown for 3 hours of dance. then back to tekka, drive to tp, finish my book while suresh played for nus, a friendly against tp. then it was drive back home, a bit of rest, then a run and PT. and now i am finally home and staying. haha.
the thing about feeling sporty and energetic is it gives more energy; i am less lethargic and less sleepy all the time. and i am able to appreciate breezy evenings sipping mocha finishing prozac nation at a cafe near design school (TP). and when i come home raring for more, i go for a run. yay me.
i'm also raring to practice dance cuz i have both the hiphop song and tango song. but tango isn't something i can practice alone and besides, i got it down pat, almost. hiphop though is fun, and it makes me sweat and right now i think i'm just a little of a health- freak and seek activities that makes me smelly so yes. hiphop it'll be.
btw we're using rompe by daddy yankee. how's that for upbeat. :
tomorrow will probably be checking in to pgp, signing agreement for financial assitance, and maybe possibly hopefully an s- league match at jalan besar stadium. like i said, i am happy to be flustered by activities i brought unto myself but shall anyone meddle with my schedule, i will scream bloody murder so STAY AWAY. yes i am feeling quite anti- social can you tell?
to give you a rough idea as to why i'm so psycho; here's my schedule as of today.
friday: PGP, financial agreeement, s- league match. more packing; i shall start some today.
saturday: dance 12- 3; cousin might come down from malaysia. lots of packing and probably some moving as well.
sunday: family gathering for NNNN (New Nephew with Nice Name) i've forgotten; most probably full out moving of stuff.
monday: dance 12-3, tuition 7-9.
tuesday: dance 12- 3, possibly our one year anniversary. i dunno for sure cuz we keep changing our minds.
wednesday: national day; dance 12- 3, maybe soccer. most likely moving into PGP hereon.
thursday: dance 12- 3 in school.
friday: sleepover in school for rag the next day.
saturday: rag which will leave me exhausted for the rest of the day.
sunday: therefore being nonexistent- i'll be comatose at blk 16 level 4 room f pgp thankyou.
monday: SCHOOL!
see. that is some crazy- ass schedule if you ask me. and furthermore there is public rag performance the saturday after school starts, and the next day, a sunday, i have a 7- a- side game to play with the nus femmes soccer. and then the next friday is USP dinner&dance whereby we'll be performing the tango+hiphop again. and THEN it will be almost time for my 21st. PHEW!
and keep in mind between all these, i need to keep my mum, my boyfriend, and myself happy. which is the least of my worries but still. yeah.
ya so i am no longer pseudo- busy and i'm quite happy about that. :D
so to anyone who msns me and gets no reply, etcetc along those lines- i apologize in advance cuz chances are i'm settling some admin shit or this and that and so on so forth. i promise however, i will catch up with everyone after USP d&d is done-d. and then there's my birthday party whee!
i LOVE julyaugustseptember. i can't say that often enough. for all the madness that is bidding and such; i still love these months for all the joy it brings. triple bonanza!
i am tired and excessively happy. bad combination.
i will now go eat my whopper junior with extra american cheese (hahaha there goes 30 sit- ups) and watch some tv since i got no more book to read. bookshopping soon, yay!
much love to everybirdy cuz i got so much love to give today! hahaha.
okayigonowbye.
breakfast at amk banquet; 2 plain pratas, 1 vegetarian carrot cake. drive down to tekka (two days in a row woot!) to park, then train down to chinatown for 3 hours of dance. then back to tekka, drive to tp, finish my book while suresh played for nus, a friendly against tp. then it was drive back home, a bit of rest, then a run and PT. and now i am finally home and staying. haha.
the thing about feeling sporty and energetic is it gives more energy; i am less lethargic and less sleepy all the time. and i am able to appreciate breezy evenings sipping mocha finishing prozac nation at a cafe near design school (TP). and when i come home raring for more, i go for a run. yay me.
i'm also raring to practice dance cuz i have both the hiphop song and tango song. but tango isn't something i can practice alone and besides, i got it down pat, almost. hiphop though is fun, and it makes me sweat and right now i think i'm just a little of a health- freak and seek activities that makes me smelly so yes. hiphop it'll be.
btw we're using rompe by daddy yankee. how's that for upbeat. :
tomorrow will probably be checking in to pgp, signing agreement for financial assitance, and maybe possibly hopefully an s- league match at jalan besar stadium. like i said, i am happy to be flustered by activities i brought unto myself but shall anyone meddle with my schedule, i will scream bloody murder so STAY AWAY. yes i am feeling quite anti- social can you tell?
to give you a rough idea as to why i'm so psycho; here's my schedule as of today.
friday: PGP, financial agreeement, s- league match. more packing; i shall start some today.
saturday: dance 12- 3; cousin might come down from malaysia. lots of packing and probably some moving as well.
sunday: family gathering for NNNN (New Nephew with Nice Name) i've forgotten; most probably full out moving of stuff.
monday: dance 12-3, tuition 7-9.
tuesday: dance 12- 3, possibly our one year anniversary. i dunno for sure cuz we keep changing our minds.
wednesday: national day; dance 12- 3, maybe soccer. most likely moving into PGP hereon.
thursday: dance 12- 3 in school.
friday: sleepover in school for rag the next day.
saturday: rag which will leave me exhausted for the rest of the day.
sunday: therefore being nonexistent- i'll be comatose at blk 16 level 4 room f pgp thankyou.
monday: SCHOOL!
see. that is some crazy- ass schedule if you ask me. and furthermore there is public rag performance the saturday after school starts, and the next day, a sunday, i have a 7- a- side game to play with the nus femmes soccer. and then the next friday is USP dinner&dance whereby we'll be performing the tango+hiphop again. and THEN it will be almost time for my 21st. PHEW!
and keep in mind between all these, i need to keep my mum, my boyfriend, and myself happy. which is the least of my worries but still. yeah.
ya so i am no longer pseudo- busy and i'm quite happy about that. :D
so to anyone who msns me and gets no reply, etcetc along those lines- i apologize in advance cuz chances are i'm settling some admin shit or this and that and so on so forth. i promise however, i will catch up with everyone after USP d&d is done-d. and then there's my birthday party whee!
i LOVE julyaugustseptember. i can't say that often enough. for all the madness that is bidding and such; i still love these months for all the joy it brings. triple bonanza!
i am tired and excessively happy. bad combination.
i will now go eat my whopper junior with extra american cheese (hahaha there goes 30 sit- ups) and watch some tv since i got no more book to read. bookshopping soon, yay!
much love to everybirdy cuz i got so much love to give today! hahaha.
okayigonowbye.
happy days
soccer training was SIBEH SIONG cuz i am damn unfit but i assisted a goal and had 2 shots at goal so i am pleased.
after that suresh checked into PGP and we went for mee goreng at TEKKA HAWKER CENTRE! serangoon woot woot! i miss jamming there. sigh.
anyway i had tehcino he had teh tarik so we're both happy. then it was off for khulfi! very very nice Indian ice- cream with a hint of spice/ peppery flavouring. which ROCKS.
of course mine is the one with bananas called khulfi mela. khulfi asli is suresh's, which is plain khulfi with pistachio or almonds. mine was khulfi with almonds, honey and bananas. ROCKED.
after that was MUSTAFA CENTRE! like tourist i know but i happy can. i've been demanding a little india trip from him since forever and i guess this is his way of shoving it in my face. hehehe.
window- shopped and walla! new track shoes! for running + court! cuz nus female soccer seems to do quite abit of street soccer so ya. lotto, damn old school i know, but $32! so cheap! and its got green bits, which i love. so yes, happy i am.
then it was tuition where the p4 kids i taught last week said "hi cherrrr!" and "is mr syed coming today?" (yes, he was) "aiyerrr don't want we want you!" yeah, cuz i don't know jackshit about primary 4 science and hence can't teach much right? harumph.
then it was class where a student got me chocolate. and class went pretty okay, and there was supper at west coast hawker centre with limbelo and yatmorebelo so yes, all in all, happy.
this book has positive effects on me; such as i appreciate how un- depressed i am, blablabla. on the other hand i start to read too much into things and wonder too much too; just like wurtzel does. and this can lead to quite a psychotic drivel that makes ME, mad. but anyway i was always a little offkilter to begin with so no worries.
i am happily flustered by my own things but at the same time i want to be selfish and tell everyone else NO, there is no more ME left for YOU! but i can't do that cuz that sounds mildly psychotic and melodramatically full of pathos plus i am a sucker like that so ya. bahhh. but i am happy doing my own little things... like soccer... and rag... and teaching... but if someone sticks their finger in this pot i feel like its gonna contaminate it forever and will have to pour the entire content out and start over and really basically, just have a nervous breakdown.
i think i need to run/ eat/ sleep/ dance/ read. so i shall.
soccer training was SIBEH SIONG cuz i am damn unfit but i assisted a goal and had 2 shots at goal so i am pleased.
after that suresh checked into PGP and we went for mee goreng at TEKKA HAWKER CENTRE! serangoon woot woot! i miss jamming there. sigh.
anyway i had tehcino he had teh tarik so we're both happy. then it was off for khulfi! very very nice Indian ice- cream with a hint of spice/ peppery flavouring. which ROCKS.
of course mine is the one with bananas called khulfi mela. khulfi asli is suresh's, which is plain khulfi with pistachio or almonds. mine was khulfi with almonds, honey and bananas. ROCKED.
after that was MUSTAFA CENTRE! like tourist i know but i happy can. i've been demanding a little india trip from him since forever and i guess this is his way of shoving it in my face. hehehe.
window- shopped and walla! new track shoes! for running + court! cuz nus female soccer seems to do quite abit of street soccer so ya. lotto, damn old school i know, but $32! so cheap! and its got green bits, which i love. so yes, happy i am.
then it was tuition where the p4 kids i taught last week said "hi cherrrr!" and "is mr syed coming today?" (yes, he was) "aiyerrr don't want we want you!" yeah, cuz i don't know jackshit about primary 4 science and hence can't teach much right? harumph.
then it was class where a student got me chocolate. and class went pretty okay, and there was supper at west coast hawker centre with limbelo and yatmorebelo so yes, all in all, happy.
this book has positive effects on me; such as i appreciate how un- depressed i am, blablabla. on the other hand i start to read too much into things and wonder too much too; just like wurtzel does. and this can lead to quite a psychotic drivel that makes ME, mad. but anyway i was always a little offkilter to begin with so no worries.
i am happily flustered by my own things but at the same time i want to be selfish and tell everyone else NO, there is no more ME left for YOU! but i can't do that cuz that sounds mildly psychotic and melodramatically full of pathos plus i am a sucker like that so ya. bahhh. but i am happy doing my own little things... like soccer... and rag... and teaching... but if someone sticks their finger in this pot i feel like its gonna contaminate it forever and will have to pour the entire content out and start over and really basically, just have a nervous breakdown.
i think i need to run/ eat/ sleep/ dance/ read. so i shall.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
today in history
today i had 2 hours of tango, 1 hour of hiphop, lunch at sofra and crashed on my sofa for 4 hours straight. frickin' tired but pleased nonetheless.
and let me show you my budget outfit for the day!
this outfit cost me $74.50! that might sound expensive to you but let me break it down for you...
tube: $9
jeans: $15
belt: $8
shades: $12.50
bag: $20
flipflops: $10
see? there's some things in life money can't buy (like me and me jeniusness). but for everything else, there's FLEA MARKETS AND MALAYSIA hahahaha.
i am FINALLY going for soccer tomorrow. lest i blog after 9.30 then you know i didn't la. but i WILL! cuz i must. AND erwin is loaning me his tennis racquet. whee!
between these and the sit- ups and push- ups and ab- moves of Rag i am going to look like janet jackson by september.
got liverpool match on. nights!
today i had 2 hours of tango, 1 hour of hiphop, lunch at sofra and crashed on my sofa for 4 hours straight. frickin' tired but pleased nonetheless.
and let me show you my budget outfit for the day!
this outfit cost me $74.50! that might sound expensive to you but let me break it down for you...
tube: $9
jeans: $15
belt: $8
shades: $12.50
bag: $20
flipflops: $10
see? there's some things in life money can't buy (like me and me jeniusness). but for everything else, there's FLEA MARKETS AND MALAYSIA hahahaha.
i am FINALLY going for soccer tomorrow. lest i blog after 9.30 then you know i didn't la. but i WILL! cuz i must. AND erwin is loaning me his tennis racquet. whee!
between these and the sit- ups and push- ups and ab- moves of Rag i am going to look like janet jackson by september.
got liverpool match on. nights!
just a lil' bit more love
mr. prata, school, ikea, DINGDONG!, tuition.
i am not as tired as you(: think, but i am as tired as you think. if you think its time you give me a break, i'm all for agreeing and saying yes, leave me be for now.
i am an opinion- churning contraption with no pause button... i'm a help- offeringmachine friend who knows no end.
the problem with helping people is that they cease to realize you're helping them and think that your assistance is a given, like a part of the air they breathe. i'm not asking for repayment, i'm not asking for recognition. i'm asking for awareness that i too am human.
one of the corny quotes on the classroom noticeboard in the school i teach... once you take something for granted, you lose it.
i don't feel very taken- for- granted la, just very tired. not of helping per se, but just of being there for everyone. sometimes i spread myself so thinly there's nothing left for the ones i love, much less myself. and we all know i love myself the MOSTEST hahaha!
someone pointed out i have an opinion of everything and am not afraid to voice it. i told suresh i'd rather have an opinion on everything than no opinion on anything. then i said,
i think i cannot join miss universe.
uhh...
cuz right if they ask me what i want to change about the world i will talk and talk and talk non- stop and go past the time limit then the show extend until they all got no time to give out the prizes! then i will confirm lose. or else they cut me short and then i am unable to clarify all my points so they won't get me and they will think i'm talking nonsense. which i'm not!
hahaha okay.
note: donald trump owns the beauty pageant. i think.
oh you know if they ask me what i would change about the world i would say I WILL CHANGE DONALD TRUMP'S WIG! HAHAHA!
hahaha ya then you confirm win.
yes of course cuz i am a crusader of morality and i only speak of truths.
i am so happy to have someone to talk to every night who will gladly be called nehneh, lousy, bitch, dingdong, and respond to my 1001 intermittent nehneh- don't- love- mes'. i told him i feel very lucky and i wish everyone else did too. then he said that's because everyone think of what they don't have.
but so do i!
yeah but...
i think of how i don't have cancer.
yeah see, you see the good stuff.
hmm i am most scared of dying of cancer. not because of the pain, but because of that time limit. there is so many things i want to do before i die but with chemotherapy i'll be slowed down and not be able to do it all.
ah okay.
but then again i think its the best way to make people repent. when you know you're going to die and you have no choice but to do so. now or never. ooh then i'll get to bungee- jump! dying is a good reason to bungee- jump. yeah.
sometimes i think living life is like having a prolonged, drawn- out cancer. there is still that eventuality of death, but its so indeterminate yet close/ far enough to allow the intermittent moments of panic where you decide that you don't wanna die tomorrow not having done this or that so you jump onto the next flight out to paris.
when people know just how often i think of death and how much it influences my perspective in life they worry and think i'm depressed/ suicidal. far from that, i enjoy life and think it is a very nice little wonderful thing (well to be simplistic about it). but like all good things it ends and this end has a name. to understand life and its significance and meaning you must understand death and its finality. when you realize how irrevocable death is, you will see how precious life is. and then it all pans out into a nice delightful circle of gratitude and appreciation.
sometimes i am so positive i want to slap myself. but its always better where i am, stand, be; because i honestly believe it to be so. and that's all i need.
i don't wish for world peace but i think i wish for world happiness. then bush can be ineffectively destructive (i.e. use his own money/ property to demolish his own things/ life) and henceforth he is happy and it has zero effect on the rest of the world. and so on and so forth. any happiness that has negative consequences is negated and all there is is alot of happy people doing happy things that either stagnates (i.e. bush, only him and him alone is happy doing what he does) or multiplies (i.e. good person who finds joy in doing good things and making others happy). like amoeba. the splitting process should be genetically encoded into happiness!
okay god i sipped too much happy juice today. must be the new soft toy. don't worry, i'll be morbid and angsty again tomorrow. (: nights!
mr. prata, school, ikea, DINGDONG!, tuition.
i am not as tired as you(: think, but i am as tired as you think. if you think its time you give me a break, i'm all for agreeing and saying yes, leave me be for now.
i am an opinion- churning contraption with no pause button... i'm a help- offering
the problem with helping people is that they cease to realize you're helping them and think that your assistance is a given, like a part of the air they breathe. i'm not asking for repayment, i'm not asking for recognition. i'm asking for awareness that i too am human.
one of the corny quotes on the classroom noticeboard in the school i teach... once you take something for granted, you lose it.
i don't feel very taken- for- granted la, just very tired. not of helping per se, but just of being there for everyone. sometimes i spread myself so thinly there's nothing left for the ones i love, much less myself. and we all know i love myself the MOSTEST hahaha!
someone pointed out i have an opinion of everything and am not afraid to voice it. i told suresh i'd rather have an opinion on everything than no opinion on anything. then i said,
i think i cannot join miss universe.
uhh...
cuz right if they ask me what i want to change about the world i will talk and talk and talk non- stop and go past the time limit then the show extend until they all got no time to give out the prizes! then i will confirm lose. or else they cut me short and then i am unable to clarify all my points so they won't get me and they will think i'm talking nonsense. which i'm not!
hahaha okay.
note: donald trump owns the beauty pageant. i think.
oh you know if they ask me what i would change about the world i would say I WILL CHANGE DONALD TRUMP'S WIG! HAHAHA!
hahaha ya then you confirm win.
yes of course cuz i am a crusader of morality and i only speak of truths.
i am so happy to have someone to talk to every night who will gladly be called nehneh, lousy, bitch, dingdong, and respond to my 1001 intermittent nehneh- don't- love- mes'. i told him i feel very lucky and i wish everyone else did too. then he said that's because everyone think of what they don't have.
but so do i!
yeah but...
i think of how i don't have cancer.
yeah see, you see the good stuff.
hmm i am most scared of dying of cancer. not because of the pain, but because of that time limit. there is so many things i want to do before i die but with chemotherapy i'll be slowed down and not be able to do it all.
ah okay.
but then again i think its the best way to make people repent. when you know you're going to die and you have no choice but to do so. now or never. ooh then i'll get to bungee- jump! dying is a good reason to bungee- jump. yeah.
sometimes i think living life is like having a prolonged, drawn- out cancer. there is still that eventuality of death, but its so indeterminate yet close/ far enough to allow the intermittent moments of panic where you decide that you don't wanna die tomorrow not having done this or that so you jump onto the next flight out to paris.
when people know just how often i think of death and how much it influences my perspective in life they worry and think i'm depressed/ suicidal. far from that, i enjoy life and think it is a very nice little wonderful thing (well to be simplistic about it). but like all good things it ends and this end has a name. to understand life and its significance and meaning you must understand death and its finality. when you realize how irrevocable death is, you will see how precious life is. and then it all pans out into a nice delightful circle of gratitude and appreciation.
sometimes i am so positive i want to slap myself. but its always better where i am, stand, be; because i honestly believe it to be so. and that's all i need.
i don't wish for world peace but i think i wish for world happiness. then bush can be ineffectively destructive (i.e. use his own money/ property to demolish his own things/ life) and henceforth he is happy and it has zero effect on the rest of the world. and so on and so forth. any happiness that has negative consequences is negated and all there is is alot of happy people doing happy things that either stagnates (i.e. bush, only him and him alone is happy doing what he does) or multiplies (i.e. good person who finds joy in doing good things and making others happy). like amoeba. the splitting process should be genetically encoded into happiness!
okay god i sipped too much happy juice today. must be the new soft toy. don't worry, i'll be morbid and angsty again tomorrow. (: nights!