I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
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Melbourne I
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Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Friday, September 30, 2005
dear god, no
someone told me something and its definitely a cause for worry. for his sake i hope she stops whatever she's doing to him, cuz that's just so bloody unfair.
i told the maplek, but i also told him i am staying out of this, cuz i told myself i am staying out therefore i will. its not my problem, i don't have to solve it. besides he's a big guy, he can take care of himself. yeap.
furthermore what are the chances he would believe me right? so be it. i hope it all turns out fine. for everyone. really.
everyone's making their climb up to happiness, some to meet others who got there first, some hand- in- hand with another. i just hope we all get what we came here for.
i ought to sleep soon, meeting the maplek at 10 a.m. ya i know. very early. a movie in town on a friday, we gotta escape the crowd! so morning movie it is. maybe i will nap after that la. somewhere. somehow. hmm.
truth be told i am very worried. how can i not be? i will never want to see a friend hurt. but maybe its too soon to say. maybe she will change. for his sake i hope she does.
this reminds me of me and the maplek's frequent discussion on just what is cheating. while to some kissing is, to some simply talking or gettig closer (not necessarily physically) to another might equate to cheating.
and our general consensus was that; you would know. when you're cheating, you just know. and usually the issue is rarely whether you're cheating or not, but more whether or not to tell. as i told him he can rest assured miss motor mouth here would hardly be able to refrain from spilling her guts A.S.A.P. honesty is my only policy.
but i will never cheat on whoever i'm with; and by cheat i simply mean thinking of someone else in his place. and once i do think that way, i know the relationship isn't gonna work. so that's that.
i do digress.
well worried as i am, like i said, we're all matured adults capable of looking out for ourselves. and i will always be praying to Him for your wellness and happiness. :)
but now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above
someone told me something and its definitely a cause for worry. for his sake i hope she stops whatever she's doing to him, cuz that's just so bloody unfair.
i told the maplek, but i also told him i am staying out of this, cuz i told myself i am staying out therefore i will. its not my problem, i don't have to solve it. besides he's a big guy, he can take care of himself. yeap.
furthermore what are the chances he would believe me right? so be it. i hope it all turns out fine. for everyone. really.
everyone's making their climb up to happiness, some to meet others who got there first, some hand- in- hand with another. i just hope we all get what we came here for.
i ought to sleep soon, meeting the maplek at 10 a.m. ya i know. very early. a movie in town on a friday, we gotta escape the crowd! so morning movie it is. maybe i will nap after that la. somewhere. somehow. hmm.
truth be told i am very worried. how can i not be? i will never want to see a friend hurt. but maybe its too soon to say. maybe she will change. for his sake i hope she does.
this reminds me of me and the maplek's frequent discussion on just what is cheating. while to some kissing is, to some simply talking or gettig closer (not necessarily physically) to another might equate to cheating.
and our general consensus was that; you would know. when you're cheating, you just know. and usually the issue is rarely whether you're cheating or not, but more whether or not to tell. as i told him he can rest assured miss motor mouth here would hardly be able to refrain from spilling her guts A.S.A.P. honesty is my only policy.
but i will never cheat on whoever i'm with; and by cheat i simply mean thinking of someone else in his place. and once i do think that way, i know the relationship isn't gonna work. so that's that.
i do digress.
well worried as i am, like i said, we're all matured adults capable of looking out for ourselves. and i will always be praying to Him for your wellness and happiness. :)
but now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above
Thursday, September 29, 2005
aaaaaaaaand that's a wrap
weekend is here! REJOICE!
made my experiment and attended time class just now... and it was all over. the week at least. somehow this week felt terribly, unnecessarily long.
however sad to say, i have an essay due by 6 tomorrow, so getting down to business real soon.
after class met the maplek and we decided to grab food from plaza singapura and have it at fort canning, Standard Operating Procedure la.
got some delifrance then to the park it was. really warm weather, but we got a nice shady spot in the green. sat down with our tart and pizza baguette, chomps away.
and since today newspaper as well as my laptop was at hand, we got ourselves a nicely spread picnic mat and settled down to watch an episode of gilmore girls. that was fun. haha. watching gilmore girls in fort canning park, hmm hmm.
then after one episode i got bored and decided i would just blast iTunes instead. so we sat in the shade, lullabied by buble, damien rice, the likes.
laughed alot, i just can't remember why anymore. who needs a reason these days?
it felt good to just sit and spend time together. we didn't have no 'serious' talks, no deep mushy shit. just simple fun. and alot of grass wars. haha.
then when night fall we spread the papers in a different direction and looked at stars. and it reminded us of camp, when we spent the last night sleeping outside, at the porch together. and we were trying fervently to see stars. but our view was disrupted by so much.
so we just laid down under the trees, under the sky. with iTunes playing all sorts of wonderful songs. hehe. i always knew iTunes had a mind of its own. we just left it to its own devices to play songs and we got diana krall, elvis presley, dusty springfield, dionne warwick... blissful listening.
bentley dierks said... come a little closer baby, i feel like layin you down, on a bed of sweet surrender where we can work it all out, there ain't nothin that love can't fix, girl it's right here at our finger tips...
talked little, smiled alot. the thing with you is sometimes the best moments are the ones shared in silence.
then diana krall came along and took the words right out of my mouth. so apt it was, that i smiled to myself. and she sang on, as two wandering souls commiserate for awhile over breeze and stars, holding hands.
'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
You should care for me!
'S awful nice! 'S paradise!
'S what I love to see!
You've made my life so glamorous
You can't blame me for feeling amorous
Oh! 'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
'S awful nice! 'S paradise!
'S what I love to see!
My dear, it's four-leaf clover time
From now on my heart's working overtime
Oh! 'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
weekend is here! REJOICE!
made my experiment and attended time class just now... and it was all over. the week at least. somehow this week felt terribly, unnecessarily long.
however sad to say, i have an essay due by 6 tomorrow, so getting down to business real soon.
after class met the maplek and we decided to grab food from plaza singapura and have it at fort canning, Standard Operating Procedure la.
got some delifrance then to the park it was. really warm weather, but we got a nice shady spot in the green. sat down with our tart and pizza baguette, chomps away.
and since today newspaper as well as my laptop was at hand, we got ourselves a nicely spread picnic mat and settled down to watch an episode of gilmore girls. that was fun. haha. watching gilmore girls in fort canning park, hmm hmm.
then after one episode i got bored and decided i would just blast iTunes instead. so we sat in the shade, lullabied by buble, damien rice, the likes.
laughed alot, i just can't remember why anymore. who needs a reason these days?
it felt good to just sit and spend time together. we didn't have no 'serious' talks, no deep mushy shit. just simple fun. and alot of grass wars. haha.
then when night fall we spread the papers in a different direction and looked at stars. and it reminded us of camp, when we spent the last night sleeping outside, at the porch together. and we were trying fervently to see stars. but our view was disrupted by so much.
so we just laid down under the trees, under the sky. with iTunes playing all sorts of wonderful songs. hehe. i always knew iTunes had a mind of its own. we just left it to its own devices to play songs and we got diana krall, elvis presley, dusty springfield, dionne warwick... blissful listening.
bentley dierks said... come a little closer baby, i feel like layin you down, on a bed of sweet surrender where we can work it all out, there ain't nothin that love can't fix, girl it's right here at our finger tips...
talked little, smiled alot. the thing with you is sometimes the best moments are the ones shared in silence.
then diana krall came along and took the words right out of my mouth. so apt it was, that i smiled to myself. and she sang on, as two wandering souls commiserate for awhile over breeze and stars, holding hands.
'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
You should care for me!
'S awful nice! 'S paradise!
'S what I love to see!
You've made my life so glamorous
You can't blame me for feeling amorous
Oh! 'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
'S awful nice! 'S paradise!
'S what I love to see!
My dear, it's four-leaf clover time
From now on my heart's working overtime
Oh! 'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
half- time in anfield
still 0- 0. stress stress.
cisse's gameplay improved, relatively, though he still tends to stand around and wait for the feed and just lob it in. no, no dude, you gotta take the ball. you gotta play the game. but yeah he is playing better tonight.
warnock isn't playing, thank GOD. that boy alone can succeed in preempting a cardiac arrest on half of anfield i believe. the commentator said he had a good start this season. i wonder if he's talking about soccer. o.O
john terry is good, he needs to be piak- ed 10 times. gerrard is playing okay, traore's doing fine too.
garcia still being a weirdo but i was just thinking, how every team just has some players you can't help but sayang, and garcia is one of them.
anyway this boy has been brilliant, totally supressing the otherwise threatening essien.
oh alonso, wa manyak sayang sama lu lei.
he's cute, he keeps me calm (very smooth tackling though he was unforetunately yellow- carded tonight early in the game) and he's only 4 years older than me. can la can la. besok aku antar rombongan gi liverpool suruh masuk meminang. hensem sangat. aku nak la!
if i marry him my kids will be half- malay, half- spanish. like yowza. how exotic and HOT is that. hot kids! yay!
my eternal lifelong dream is to have hot kids can. let me be.
ok so anyway yes. john terry good, drogba did a needless tackle on hyppia in the penalty box that the referee totally ignored, and hmm, oh yes crouch. playing well this one. very good control of ball and definite threat to chelsea's defenders. carvalho has made 5 fouls just trying to keep crouch in check. yeah baby yeah.
so i have this theory that in every club there's just some players you will always sayang you know? like lampard of chelsea, henry of arsenal, no one in man u. HAR HAR. my liverpool babies would be stevie, carragher, alonso and garcia. and if he plays more, maybe sinama- pongolle and crouch as well.
come to think of it ah, i want to marry stevie also.
how liddat.
(updated)
ok so game ended in a nil- nil draw. 11 shots, only 1 on goal. but alonso is playing good. several tries for goal too. potential steven gerrard in him i see. stevie on the other hand, needs to find his scoring boots. fast.
john terry seemed mighty pissed with alonso for the 'foul'. did he or did he not dive? but it was pretty funny that alonso fell on top of him after the tackle and terry just had this... "-____-" face. hahaha.
my say is the referee is a total nehnehpok. several well- deserved penalties were let go of (hello! gallas! handball! GAH!), and kinda blind to fouls that are right before his face. and gives off the weirdest cards for the weirdest things. maybe i just don't like him cuz he's italian. haha. as the commentator said, a euro game, you get a euro ref. so that's a euro- reffed game for you. *shrugs*
they meet again this sunday and i hope this time someone finally scores. i'm obviously talking about liverpool la. and can we pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase bring back owen soon? sell off cisse, i don't mind.
however as the commentator said, it was a pretty good sign that drogba was replaced by huth in the final minutes. and the fact that its a first non- victory for them. but STILL. we could have won. it annoys me to no end that all liverpudlians can keep saying for now is we could have won. but we never do! we keep drawing. grr.
we have europe's best coach with us. now if that isn't good enough i don't know what is.
headline on soccernet.com: Liverpool 0- 0 Chelsea: Two Penalty Appeals.
take that massimo de santis.
i should probably sleep soon seeing how there's school in a few hours and all that. ho hum.
3 more home games to look forward to next month; but all EPLs. nehneh la.
i'm saying nehneh alot.
oh ya dizzie if you read this, thanks to you me and the maplek was talking about nose- fucking over msn just now. at 2 a.m. yes you. take a bow now, and gimme some simple plan yo!
hahaha.
ok i'm high. time for bed now...
still 0- 0. stress stress.
cisse's gameplay improved, relatively, though he still tends to stand around and wait for the feed and just lob it in. no, no dude, you gotta take the ball. you gotta play the game. but yeah he is playing better tonight.
warnock isn't playing, thank GOD. that boy alone can succeed in preempting a cardiac arrest on half of anfield i believe. the commentator said he had a good start this season. i wonder if he's talking about soccer. o.O
john terry is good, he needs to be piak- ed 10 times. gerrard is playing okay, traore's doing fine too.
garcia still being a weirdo but i was just thinking, how every team just has some players you can't help but sayang, and garcia is one of them.
anyway this boy has been brilliant, totally supressing the otherwise threatening essien.
oh alonso, wa manyak sayang sama lu lei.
he's cute, he keeps me calm (very smooth tackling though he was unforetunately yellow- carded tonight early in the game) and he's only 4 years older than me. can la can la. besok aku antar rombongan gi liverpool suruh masuk meminang. hensem sangat. aku nak la!
if i marry him my kids will be half- malay, half- spanish. like yowza. how exotic and HOT is that. hot kids! yay!
my eternal lifelong dream is to have hot kids can. let me be.
ok so anyway yes. john terry good, drogba did a needless tackle on hyppia in the penalty box that the referee totally ignored, and hmm, oh yes crouch. playing well this one. very good control of ball and definite threat to chelsea's defenders. carvalho has made 5 fouls just trying to keep crouch in check. yeah baby yeah.
so i have this theory that in every club there's just some players you will always sayang you know? like lampard of chelsea, henry of arsenal, no one in man u. HAR HAR. my liverpool babies would be stevie, carragher, alonso and garcia. and if he plays more, maybe sinama- pongolle and crouch as well.
come to think of it ah, i want to marry stevie also.
how liddat.
(updated)
ok so game ended in a nil- nil draw. 11 shots, only 1 on goal. but alonso is playing good. several tries for goal too. potential steven gerrard in him i see. stevie on the other hand, needs to find his scoring boots. fast.
john terry seemed mighty pissed with alonso for the 'foul'. did he or did he not dive? but it was pretty funny that alonso fell on top of him after the tackle and terry just had this... "-____-" face. hahaha.
my say is the referee is a total nehnehpok. several well- deserved penalties were let go of (hello! gallas! handball! GAH!), and kinda blind to fouls that are right before his face. and gives off the weirdest cards for the weirdest things. maybe i just don't like him cuz he's italian. haha. as the commentator said, a euro game, you get a euro ref. so that's a euro- reffed game for you. *shrugs*
they meet again this sunday and i hope this time someone finally scores. i'm obviously talking about liverpool la. and can we pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase bring back owen soon? sell off cisse, i don't mind.
however as the commentator said, it was a pretty good sign that drogba was replaced by huth in the final minutes. and the fact that its a first non- victory for them. but STILL. we could have won. it annoys me to no end that all liverpudlians can keep saying for now is we could have won. but we never do! we keep drawing. grr.
we have europe's best coach with us. now if that isn't good enough i don't know what is.
headline on soccernet.com: Liverpool 0- 0 Chelsea: Two Penalty Appeals.
take that massimo de santis.
i should probably sleep soon seeing how there's school in a few hours and all that. ho hum.
3 more home games to look forward to next month; but all EPLs. nehneh la.
i'm saying nehneh alot.
oh ya dizzie if you read this, thanks to you me and the maplek was talking about nose- fucking over msn just now. at 2 a.m. yes you. take a bow now, and gimme some simple plan yo!
hahaha.
ok i'm high. time for bed now...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
so hollow, baby
went to school, was almost late. had a weird dream too. and i guess that dream kinda stuck with me throughout the day and i kept getting this sick mental flashbacks. but what does it matter, a dream is just a dream. what matters is what's real.
had time class, which i always enjoy. very very interesting. is there a concept of future in south east asia or is time simply cyclical, a repetition of archetypes? hmm.
speaking of which gotta get started with the history paper soon too. due this friday. aiyee! and in other news- innovations class tomorrow so yeap, more hair- pulling in due time. what is new on wednesdays?
oh soccer tonight. liverpool chelsea. aiyooo.
what's with all the stress factors today? harumph.
well after time module was crashing as per normal. south asian 1101. don't like the new dude la! no videos. booooo. last few lectures was this indian dude who kept playing shitloads of videos. which was fun! today's wasn't worth crashing in that sense. he only played like 2 videos, and i slept through the 2nd one. and whined when i was woken up by dizzie. haha.
upon laying our arse in the lecture theatre the maplek proclaimed new lecturer was his tutor.
"alamak what's his name ah..." "*without looking up* raj." "...... he's not indian la oi! does he even look indian to you?"
haha as it turned out new dude is malay. when dizzie said his name was faizal i thought he was kidding. but he wasn't. hoo well.
after lecture we went to geckos. upon sitting down, i decided to check my mail. and encountered a forwarded email about an 8- month pregnant woman being shot in Iraq by the US army. and the bullet actually went through her poor poor baby, right through, into the back of his chest. baby died. lost my appetite after that for abit. i don't really see the need for all this violence but maybe i'm just really young and naive like that.
well soon after hunger kicked in and there was no denying the rumbling tummy so food came.
ate and laughed with the dizzie and the maplek. best boys in the world. muah muah. and of course, forum was blasting with noise, and soon, amidst this background noise, i caught snippets of simple plan's welcome to my life. yes the very song dizzie sang angstily to and proceeded to choke on in the car. brought on much laughter.
started talking about american breasts and asian breasts. sad to say, i initiated this conversation and in ten minutes time, the BOYS were asking ME to change topic. would wonder never cease.
fiza: you know ang moh breasts right, its like the entire breast like that *gestures a general breast shape*, then the nipple takes up like, 3/4 of the space.
boys: ........................ *laughs*
fiza: really! and i think that's so bizzare. i mean, are nipples supposed to take up such a large surface area of your breasts?
maplek: aiya you go and write a soci thesis on that la.
dizzie: haha ya honours paper. go and write about ethnicity and different surface areas taken up by nipples.
fiza: tsk no la... just like unproportionate like that...
another thing is that i also deem it pointless to survey guys on who they find more attractive- ethnically. an ang moh would be more attracted to an asian and and asian would be more attracted to an ang moh; simply because the other is more exotic (or exoticized) than you.
eventually me and dizzie discussed our pop cult paper and we got a project in our hands! that was pretty fast work. we threw around ideas and settled on one in like 5 minutes, further brainstorming inclusive of contributions from the maplek led to a rought project outline, in like, 25 minutes. impressive!
then again we chose a topic close to heart. ;) hehehe.
went for tuition after that. then now here. day is hardly over though. got an experiment to do and an essay to start on. and soccer at 2.35 a.m.
on a bright bright bright note, tomorrow's the last day of the school week.
phew.
this was a song i wrote some time back when i was full of inspirations. maybe about july? yeah. had the tune down pat and all that. shall try learning how to play it on the guitars soon. well it was somewhat relevant then, not necessarily to me but more to the situation i was constantly in and all that... ahh. you get the idea.
i told myself i'll live this down
one day i'll walk away not turning round
you'll watch my back just fade away
begging me to stay
don't go please stay
i see you standing next to me
you smile so sad telling me to leave
you said we'll never stand a chance
i wish you had said
don't go please stay
everything around us seem to fight us
but i wished you loved me enough to say you'll hold on...
but you insist, you persist
you say us forever, will be never
and now you're gone
but you're stuck in my mind
searing through my brain
searing through my pain
driving me insane...
i know one day i'll let you go
someday i'll be happier on my own
somehow that day won't seem to come
i wish i had said
don't go please stay
Don't Go; Fiza
sometimes, words sting more. but at least i can hold my head up high and proudly say, "no regrets."
and that's the best you can get out of life. a lifetime of contentment. as long as you can always look back and say despite it all, you'd gladly live through it again.
went to school, was almost late. had a weird dream too. and i guess that dream kinda stuck with me throughout the day and i kept getting this sick mental flashbacks. but what does it matter, a dream is just a dream. what matters is what's real.
had time class, which i always enjoy. very very interesting. is there a concept of future in south east asia or is time simply cyclical, a repetition of archetypes? hmm.
speaking of which gotta get started with the history paper soon too. due this friday. aiyee! and in other news- innovations class tomorrow so yeap, more hair- pulling in due time. what is new on wednesdays?
oh soccer tonight. liverpool chelsea. aiyooo.
what's with all the stress factors today? harumph.
well after time module was crashing as per normal. south asian 1101. don't like the new dude la! no videos. booooo. last few lectures was this indian dude who kept playing shitloads of videos. which was fun! today's wasn't worth crashing in that sense. he only played like 2 videos, and i slept through the 2nd one. and whined when i was woken up by dizzie. haha.
upon laying our arse in the lecture theatre the maplek proclaimed new lecturer was his tutor.
"alamak what's his name ah..." "*without looking up* raj." "...... he's not indian la oi! does he even look indian to you?"
haha as it turned out new dude is malay. when dizzie said his name was faizal i thought he was kidding. but he wasn't. hoo well.
after lecture we went to geckos. upon sitting down, i decided to check my mail. and encountered a forwarded email about an 8- month pregnant woman being shot in Iraq by the US army. and the bullet actually went through her poor poor baby, right through, into the back of his chest. baby died. lost my appetite after that for abit. i don't really see the need for all this violence but maybe i'm just really young and naive like that.
well soon after hunger kicked in and there was no denying the rumbling tummy so food came.
ate and laughed with the dizzie and the maplek. best boys in the world. muah muah. and of course, forum was blasting with noise, and soon, amidst this background noise, i caught snippets of simple plan's welcome to my life. yes the very song dizzie sang angstily to and proceeded to choke on in the car. brought on much laughter.
started talking about american breasts and asian breasts. sad to say, i initiated this conversation and in ten minutes time, the BOYS were asking ME to change topic. would wonder never cease.
fiza: you know ang moh breasts right, its like the entire breast like that *gestures a general breast shape*, then the nipple takes up like, 3/4 of the space.
boys: ........................ *laughs*
fiza: really! and i think that's so bizzare. i mean, are nipples supposed to take up such a large surface area of your breasts?
maplek: aiya you go and write a soci thesis on that la.
dizzie: haha ya honours paper. go and write about ethnicity and different surface areas taken up by nipples.
fiza: tsk no la... just like unproportionate like that...
another thing is that i also deem it pointless to survey guys on who they find more attractive- ethnically. an ang moh would be more attracted to an asian and and asian would be more attracted to an ang moh; simply because the other is more exotic (or exoticized) than you.
eventually me and dizzie discussed our pop cult paper and we got a project in our hands! that was pretty fast work. we threw around ideas and settled on one in like 5 minutes, further brainstorming inclusive of contributions from the maplek led to a rought project outline, in like, 25 minutes. impressive!
then again we chose a topic close to heart. ;) hehehe.
went for tuition after that. then now here. day is hardly over though. got an experiment to do and an essay to start on. and soccer at 2.35 a.m.
on a bright bright bright note, tomorrow's the last day of the school week.
phew.
this was a song i wrote some time back when i was full of inspirations. maybe about july? yeah. had the tune down pat and all that. shall try learning how to play it on the guitars soon. well it was somewhat relevant then, not necessarily to me but more to the situation i was constantly in and all that... ahh. you get the idea.
i told myself i'll live this down
one day i'll walk away not turning round
you'll watch my back just fade away
begging me to stay
don't go please stay
i see you standing next to me
you smile so sad telling me to leave
you said we'll never stand a chance
i wish you had said
don't go please stay
everything around us seem to fight us
but i wished you loved me enough to say you'll hold on...
but you insist, you persist
you say us forever, will be never
and now you're gone
but you're stuck in my mind
searing through my brain
searing through my pain
driving me insane...
i know one day i'll let you go
someday i'll be happier on my own
somehow that day won't seem to come
i wish i had said
don't go please stay
Don't Go; Fiza
sometimes, words sting more. but at least i can hold my head up high and proudly say, "no regrets."
and that's the best you can get out of life. a lifetime of contentment. as long as you can always look back and say despite it all, you'd gladly live through it again.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
view from the top
second najib sighting in two days. another sighting tomorrow and i just scored myself a (really hot) hat trick. haha.
me and the maplek abit terkehel (um, literally means sprained, but here i mean it more like, had a misunderstanding) last night but it was okay in minutes cuz of him. it was almost miraculous. he is a very patient man. thank you God.
got to school in time for medical soci tutorial... more pseudo- intelligent bullshitting, then it was time to clear some readings while waiting for the maplek.
bumped into fizah from pjc rugby days. ahhh. sat and study together, interspersed with random news of random pjc people from her. she knows alot! haha. more than me at least. it pays to keep in touch with the old circle i guess. oh well. but yeah, she knew about hafiz and chahat even before me. haha. among other things la. *huge wink*
now you know why i want to break out of the pjc circle? haha. cuz word travels, but in the pjc circle, ANY word travels, and it travels at the speed of light i tell ya. enough of that, huh? we all gotta move on at some point. take the good, leave the bad, live on. :) i took what i want from pjc and i pretty much ran away with it. hahaha. funny who were my friends there... and who are my friends now. but thank you for being here.
anyway while seated on the study bench mugging was when i had my 2nd najib sighting. why oh why is he so hot? on monday after i saw him i lamented to empty air, "why is he so hot? what the hell did his parents do?"
joyce: "er, do you want me to go through with you step by step?"
but he is la. really. so annoying. slap ten times.
anyway yes. i've got a history paper due this friday, project presentation in a week, a pop quiz and pop cult term paper due in 2 weeks, a massive home experiment (yes for that godforsaken innovations class *shudder*) due end of this month, then 3 more papers due for november (whoever thinks i am damn free must be quite mad) then I AM DONE.
well for the term work at least. then there's 3 exams in nov then FINITO!
pretty fast, this semester. time seemed to have flown by. again and again. but not too bad, this semester is much better than previous two. academically, socially, mentally, physically. yeah, yeah, no slammed fingers this sem. haha. and nope, no running off to malaysia too!
but much bigger shit has been happening lately... and i don't even know how to put my finger on it. those who knows, knows. and have been the best listeners i could ask for. thank you. sometimes so many things cross my mind at the same time that i just stop whatever i'm saying and stare into the distance and remain aloof for a few seconds... before recovering my composure. the maplek is getting alot of that lately and he's been terribly understanding. it'll end soon, i'm sure.
nothing goes right in life. well okay, very little, at least. and sometimes this few snippets of perfection and happiness has to be milked for all its worth cuz it might never come again. i am not a depressive young punk, but i know life can be very flawed at its very core. its so easy to get disillusioned sometimes, to lose track of what you came here for. if you ever knew it in the first place.
happiness is a long climb upwards, and its so easy for just one person, to shove you back down again. the more there is shoving, the further down you fall.
but you cannot give up. no matter how many people giving you the shove, you have to keep climbing, and hope at some point they'd get tired of shoving and start climbing as well. or maybe start shoving others.
some people fall too many times and give up trying, choosing instead to just sit still. cuz then, no one can hurt you.
i was there.
i spent a big part of my life letting people come to me, coax me into climbing up. but i never did move. each time they get high enough, when i know they'll be fine without me, i tell them i'm not moving. i'm sitting still in my same spot. let me opt to not face that future, that truth, that massive shoves awaiting me along the climb.
i live in fear of getting hurt. everyone dies, leaves, something. nothing is eternal. not love, not life. i only know one thing that is permanent: death.
so i thought maybe if i keep still, if i don't move... nothing can happen. shit can pour on and on but i will remain where i am, unmoving. permanence of my own kind.
but soon i realized even sitting still, these kepofucks will still come and shove you around. they see you not climbing up, not in pursuit of happiness, and they decide hey, let's make her life (more) miserable.
so i thought, hey, if these shits are gonna piss me off whether i'm on top or not, then why the hell should i bear their shit AND stay at the bottom? might as well bear the shoves while i'm on my way up.
further incentive for climbing includes other positive and happy people on your way up and up there itself.
keep in mind though, that once you're up there, you might only be able to enjoy the sweet taste of happiness and the gorgeous view for minutes, maybe even seconds, before you fall again. sometimes happy people don't like to share. sometimes people who shove can multi- task, climb up to happiness while shoving, and continue shoving once up there.
so you fall. maybe all the way down, maybe halfway down. either way, you end up having to trudge your way up again. why? cuz once you're up there and you've tasted what happiness is, you don't want to give up trying. nothing like a succulent bit of joy to get you going.
and that's how i go on. that's why i keep climbing. cuz every now and then i reach the top and i see and feel and know how fantastic it feels.
and its almost bittersweet to watch the hand come and push you off, and to go through that tragic yet predictable fall, over and over again, feeling again and again that rush of wind, the sudden stop when you hit rockbottom.
then you dust yourself off, prep yourself a little, and you clasp the rocky walls again, cuz the view from the top is the one you want most.
for me it helps to know you're up there, that you've reached there and you're in a safe spot, making sure no one can push you off. and i will learn from you. i will get there and together we'd hide away from the rest in that safe spot, ignorant to all the shoving. i took so long to decide to climb up and join you, but i've made my decision so you know i'm going to try my darndest to get there.
i have a reason to be happy, to want to be happy. with you i know it doesn't always have to hurt. passion isn't about crying fat tears, sobbing your breathe away, screaming into a pillow. happiness is my new passion. you gotta want to be be happy before you can be.
you're a butterfly
and you want to be
in flowers
and you want to meet
the dalai lama
reach nirvana
because i know you love me
i just want you to be
in flowers
with me
i'm a little child
and i want to be
held in your arms
any fool can see
that its nothing new
but i need you
because i know u love me
i just want you to see
the little child
in me
there's a butterfly
that's in my heart
it lives in me
when we're apart
but preferably
you'll stay with me
because i know you love me
i just want you to be
the butterfly
in me
In Flowers; James Blunt
thank you for waiting so long.
second najib sighting in two days. another sighting tomorrow and i just scored myself a (really hot) hat trick. haha.
me and the maplek abit terkehel (um, literally means sprained, but here i mean it more like, had a misunderstanding) last night but it was okay in minutes cuz of him. it was almost miraculous. he is a very patient man. thank you God.
got to school in time for medical soci tutorial... more pseudo- intelligent bullshitting, then it was time to clear some readings while waiting for the maplek.
bumped into fizah from pjc rugby days. ahhh. sat and study together, interspersed with random news of random pjc people from her. she knows alot! haha. more than me at least. it pays to keep in touch with the old circle i guess. oh well. but yeah, she knew about hafiz and chahat even before me. haha. among other things la. *huge wink*
now you know why i want to break out of the pjc circle? haha. cuz word travels, but in the pjc circle, ANY word travels, and it travels at the speed of light i tell ya. enough of that, huh? we all gotta move on at some point. take the good, leave the bad, live on. :) i took what i want from pjc and i pretty much ran away with it. hahaha. funny who were my friends there... and who are my friends now. but thank you for being here.
anyway while seated on the study bench mugging was when i had my 2nd najib sighting. why oh why is he so hot? on monday after i saw him i lamented to empty air, "why is he so hot? what the hell did his parents do?"
joyce: "er, do you want me to go through with you step by step?"
but he is la. really. so annoying. slap ten times.
anyway yes. i've got a history paper due this friday, project presentation in a week, a pop quiz and pop cult term paper due in 2 weeks, a massive home experiment (yes for that godforsaken innovations class *shudder*) due end of this month, then 3 more papers due for november (whoever thinks i am damn free must be quite mad) then I AM DONE.
well for the term work at least. then there's 3 exams in nov then FINITO!
pretty fast, this semester. time seemed to have flown by. again and again. but not too bad, this semester is much better than previous two. academically, socially, mentally, physically. yeah, yeah, no slammed fingers this sem. haha. and nope, no running off to malaysia too!
but much bigger shit has been happening lately... and i don't even know how to put my finger on it. those who knows, knows. and have been the best listeners i could ask for. thank you. sometimes so many things cross my mind at the same time that i just stop whatever i'm saying and stare into the distance and remain aloof for a few seconds... before recovering my composure. the maplek is getting alot of that lately and he's been terribly understanding. it'll end soon, i'm sure.
nothing goes right in life. well okay, very little, at least. and sometimes this few snippets of perfection and happiness has to be milked for all its worth cuz it might never come again. i am not a depressive young punk, but i know life can be very flawed at its very core. its so easy to get disillusioned sometimes, to lose track of what you came here for. if you ever knew it in the first place.
happiness is a long climb upwards, and its so easy for just one person, to shove you back down again. the more there is shoving, the further down you fall.
but you cannot give up. no matter how many people giving you the shove, you have to keep climbing, and hope at some point they'd get tired of shoving and start climbing as well. or maybe start shoving others.
some people fall too many times and give up trying, choosing instead to just sit still. cuz then, no one can hurt you.
i was there.
i spent a big part of my life letting people come to me, coax me into climbing up. but i never did move. each time they get high enough, when i know they'll be fine without me, i tell them i'm not moving. i'm sitting still in my same spot. let me opt to not face that future, that truth, that massive shoves awaiting me along the climb.
i live in fear of getting hurt. everyone dies, leaves, something. nothing is eternal. not love, not life. i only know one thing that is permanent: death.
so i thought maybe if i keep still, if i don't move... nothing can happen. shit can pour on and on but i will remain where i am, unmoving. permanence of my own kind.
but soon i realized even sitting still, these kepofucks will still come and shove you around. they see you not climbing up, not in pursuit of happiness, and they decide hey, let's make her life (more) miserable.
so i thought, hey, if these shits are gonna piss me off whether i'm on top or not, then why the hell should i bear their shit AND stay at the bottom? might as well bear the shoves while i'm on my way up.
further incentive for climbing includes other positive and happy people on your way up and up there itself.
keep in mind though, that once you're up there, you might only be able to enjoy the sweet taste of happiness and the gorgeous view for minutes, maybe even seconds, before you fall again. sometimes happy people don't like to share. sometimes people who shove can multi- task, climb up to happiness while shoving, and continue shoving once up there.
so you fall. maybe all the way down, maybe halfway down. either way, you end up having to trudge your way up again. why? cuz once you're up there and you've tasted what happiness is, you don't want to give up trying. nothing like a succulent bit of joy to get you going.
and that's how i go on. that's why i keep climbing. cuz every now and then i reach the top and i see and feel and know how fantastic it feels.
and its almost bittersweet to watch the hand come and push you off, and to go through that tragic yet predictable fall, over and over again, feeling again and again that rush of wind, the sudden stop when you hit rockbottom.
then you dust yourself off, prep yourself a little, and you clasp the rocky walls again, cuz the view from the top is the one you want most.
for me it helps to know you're up there, that you've reached there and you're in a safe spot, making sure no one can push you off. and i will learn from you. i will get there and together we'd hide away from the rest in that safe spot, ignorant to all the shoving. i took so long to decide to climb up and join you, but i've made my decision so you know i'm going to try my darndest to get there.
i have a reason to be happy, to want to be happy. with you i know it doesn't always have to hurt. passion isn't about crying fat tears, sobbing your breathe away, screaming into a pillow. happiness is my new passion. you gotta want to be be happy before you can be.
you're a butterfly
and you want to be
in flowers
and you want to meet
the dalai lama
reach nirvana
because i know you love me
i just want you to be
in flowers
with me
i'm a little child
and i want to be
held in your arms
any fool can see
that its nothing new
but i need you
because i know u love me
i just want you to see
the little child
in me
there's a butterfly
that's in my heart
it lives in me
when we're apart
but preferably
you'll stay with me
because i know you love me
i just want you to be
the butterfly
in me
In Flowers; James Blunt
thank you for waiting so long.
Monday, September 26, 2005
that cliche kinda love
......... is exactly what we don't have. :)
went to school in my white polo tee from gio kids and i must say i feel very schoolgirlish. a white polo tee? how uniform- ly is that?
but all is well. btw many thanks and love to all those who've acknowledged my happiness and shared it. :))
today i saw najib my god of handsome and as i gushed to dizzie and joyce, i had 200 orgasms smack there in the middle of the forum. who ask him to be so hot? wah lao.
but nothing made me smile wider than seeing that boy in red. he shaved. umm yea. random. haha.
dizzie dropped us off at yio chu kang which is where the maplek alights to go home. but since we had time to kill before tuition we decided to eat first.
dilemma strikes once and again, of course. i thought delifrance- northpoint or sembawang. he said sembawang (where my tuition was) is too far and got a body slam for me. haha. yeah who needs pinches and slaps these days?
but we ended up at northpoint anyway, eating at kfc. he had cheese fries and its beyond me, this love he has for cheese. and coffee. sometimes i think cheese and coffee makes him happier than i ever can. but hey, i'm not about to start turning into a coffee bean now. whatever pleases him, i say. haha. kinda lessens my burden. do something wrong? dish out some cheese and coffee (lovingly), and all shall be well. ;) i've learnt.
while eating had our usual chat. about the most serious of things right down to the mundane (interchangable with insane at most times).
fiza (holding banditto): aiyoh. everytime i eat banditto very messy one. *looks down on white polo*
maplek: hahahaha.
fiza: really! that time a chunk of the chicken fell on my thighs and got chilli stain. then looked like my thigh was bleeding. cuz they were light- coloured pants.
maplek: ......... okay.
fiza: ya! luckily i'm not a guy. if i were then people would think my penis is bleeding!
maplek: HAHAHAHA.... OR, or, maybe, just maybe, they would think oh, its chilli sauce. you know? maybe.
fiza: no laaaaa. if i saw a guy with a stain on his pants there i would think his penis is bleeding.
maplek: ...... okay i don't think i want to proceed with this conversation.
the usual laughs and and violent gestures then whoops! time for tuition. not before, of course, i forget to take my purse from the tray and we were already at the control station before i realized i left it there. rushed back and it was still there, fortunately. and he started on this long lecture about how i should keep the important cards and large amounts of cash in a 'proper' (clearly implicating mine isn't PROPER) purse then use the zipper purse i own to keep small change and ez- link etc.
-_- sometimes i wonder if i met him at a university camp or an old folks' home. BLEAH.
but hey i'm not complaining. :D
i think i just did.
ANYWAY.
so after that little purse fiasco i took the train down to sembawang for tuition and he went back to mug for the history test tomorrow. dum dee dum!
was talking to dizzie and we happened to talk about this nameless relationship me and the maplek apparently have. yeah nameless, cuz we never did any 'official' rite of passage ceremony that trancended us to the higher planes of OFFICIAL COUPLEHOOD.
haha. no we had none of that. we kinda just... knew. we fell into a comfortable pattern with each other and stuck with it cuz we want to. and many things we want to do and share we do it without uttering a word. its really a blissful state to be in, to just know. and it kinda make things alot simpler for us.
ok i've just watched anugerah (talent show, lotsa malays, etc) and i think fauzi laily is just the cutest thing la. he does this stupid smile thing which makes me want to slap him. its a good thing by the way.
today's pop culture lecture was on MTV. and i can only re- emphasiz my dislike. the proliferation of 21st century objectification of women can be solely blamed on mtv i believe.
beatles played good shit and there was no mtv then so go figure. same goes for classics like elvis, engelbert, abba, carpenters, etc. granted they had music videos but no, they weren't full of scantily- clad babes. most of the time it was musicians, making music.
where's the good times gone
its a personal preference really. so if you adore mtv don't take this as a personal attack. we're all entitled to our own opinions, non?
i am not saying only mtv objectifies women. like i said, it espouses objectification of women, and contributed to its proliferation. other mediums (like the entire media for example) also objectify women, but none as aggressively as mtv.
but oh well.
time to hang the clothes. nyeh.
......... is exactly what we don't have. :)
went to school in my white polo tee from gio kids and i must say i feel very schoolgirlish. a white polo tee? how uniform- ly is that?
but all is well. btw many thanks and love to all those who've acknowledged my happiness and shared it. :))
today i saw najib my god of handsome and as i gushed to dizzie and joyce, i had 200 orgasms smack there in the middle of the forum. who ask him to be so hot? wah lao.
but nothing made me smile wider than seeing that boy in red. he shaved. umm yea. random. haha.
dizzie dropped us off at yio chu kang which is where the maplek alights to go home. but since we had time to kill before tuition we decided to eat first.
dilemma strikes once and again, of course. i thought delifrance- northpoint or sembawang. he said sembawang (where my tuition was) is too far and got a body slam for me. haha. yeah who needs pinches and slaps these days?
but we ended up at northpoint anyway, eating at kfc. he had cheese fries and its beyond me, this love he has for cheese. and coffee. sometimes i think cheese and coffee makes him happier than i ever can. but hey, i'm not about to start turning into a coffee bean now. whatever pleases him, i say. haha. kinda lessens my burden. do something wrong? dish out some cheese and coffee (lovingly), and all shall be well. ;) i've learnt.
while eating had our usual chat. about the most serious of things right down to the mundane (interchangable with insane at most times).
fiza (holding banditto): aiyoh. everytime i eat banditto very messy one. *looks down on white polo*
maplek: hahahaha.
fiza: really! that time a chunk of the chicken fell on my thighs and got chilli stain. then looked like my thigh was bleeding. cuz they were light- coloured pants.
maplek: ......... okay.
fiza: ya! luckily i'm not a guy. if i were then people would think my penis is bleeding!
maplek: HAHAHAHA.... OR, or, maybe, just maybe, they would think oh, its chilli sauce. you know? maybe.
fiza: no laaaaa. if i saw a guy with a stain on his pants there i would think his penis is bleeding.
maplek: ...... okay i don't think i want to proceed with this conversation.
the usual laughs and and violent gestures then whoops! time for tuition. not before, of course, i forget to take my purse from the tray and we were already at the control station before i realized i left it there. rushed back and it was still there, fortunately. and he started on this long lecture about how i should keep the important cards and large amounts of cash in a 'proper' (clearly implicating mine isn't PROPER) purse then use the zipper purse i own to keep small change and ez- link etc.
-_- sometimes i wonder if i met him at a university camp or an old folks' home. BLEAH.
but hey i'm not complaining. :D
i think i just did.
ANYWAY.
so after that little purse fiasco i took the train down to sembawang for tuition and he went back to mug for the history test tomorrow. dum dee dum!
was talking to dizzie and we happened to talk about this nameless relationship me and the maplek apparently have. yeah nameless, cuz we never did any 'official' rite of passage ceremony that trancended us to the higher planes of OFFICIAL COUPLEHOOD.
haha. no we had none of that. we kinda just... knew. we fell into a comfortable pattern with each other and stuck with it cuz we want to. and many things we want to do and share we do it without uttering a word. its really a blissful state to be in, to just know. and it kinda make things alot simpler for us.
ok i've just watched anugerah (talent show, lotsa malays, etc) and i think fauzi laily is just the cutest thing la. he does this stupid smile thing which makes me want to slap him. its a good thing by the way.
today's pop culture lecture was on MTV. and i can only re- emphasiz my dislike. the proliferation of 21st century objectification of women can be solely blamed on mtv i believe.
beatles played good shit and there was no mtv then so go figure. same goes for classics like elvis, engelbert, abba, carpenters, etc. granted they had music videos but no, they weren't full of scantily- clad babes. most of the time it was musicians, making music.
where's the good times gone
its a personal preference really. so if you adore mtv don't take this as a personal attack. we're all entitled to our own opinions, non?
i am not saying only mtv objectifies women. like i said, it espouses objectification of women, and contributed to its proliferation. other mediums (like the entire media for example) also objectify women, but none as aggressively as mtv.
but oh well.
time to hang the clothes. nyeh.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
the end i've seeked for so long
just for a moment, a frozen second in time, pain flushed over.
the heart swells with emotions but no words could be said.
she studied what she saw, scrutinized it to make sure she is seeing what she was seeing.
and it made it all real.
she sat there for a moment, anticipating the pain, waiting for grief to wash over her and for the pain to succumb her to tears.
but nothing.
the sudden swell came and went. and she looked at it some more... and smiled to herself. doesn't matter.
i have what i came here for.
and that was it. stolen moment of pain, where envy tried to worm its way in... but everything else surpassed.
they all know how wonderful he can be... but only she knows everything else. it might be good riddance.
sometimes vision grays... and nothing seems as good as it could have been. but just how much can we ask from life? do we even give enough?
we can sleep on the same bed but we might not dream the same things. you can share everything in the world but at the end of the day, you can well still be strangers.
nothing says i know you more than i love you.
and maybe those are the very words i have to say but can't yet.
i don't want to scare you away, i don't want to freak you out. i so desperately want you to stay that i blunder like a fool and say the stupidest things sometimes.
and when i lift my head from my hands i see you're still there.
and i've never felt so unsure, so uncertain, so insecure about someone's presence...
but that fear makes me not take you for granted. that fear makes me try harder, makes me think before i talk.
this fear to lose you makes me forget that i've lost before.
sometimes all that matters in this world can be summed up by a word, a gesture, a look.
i've never had this happiness before, this light tender thoughts that flits down on you in the most mundane moments.
there's no basis for comparison, you're a league of your own.
and i know God is kind, and He will help me out here. he has too. after all i've lost and bid farewell to, this is the one thing i want to keep forever, that i know i won't mind having forever. its not so scary after all, monogamy. haha. yeah for a long time it was. i mean, 1 person? forever? how boring is that? what if you no longer want what you've had for twentyplus years? then what?
20 years from now it'll be 2025. what if then you wake up thinking, ohmygod there's 7,897,989,420 in the world, why should i spend forever with this 1/7,897,989,420 part of it? and what if sex with 3,948,994,710 (not at the same time, no) other men might better?
but if banging away with some other men from this group of 3,948,994,710 means never having the 1/7,897,989,420 person i chose 20 years ago, then i think i'd pass. cuz losing this 1 cannot be made up by any amount of good sex (or otherwise/ other things) with 3,948,994,710 men.
when my boyfriend smiles
the word seems all mine
and all the days seems truly fine
i coud reach out for the sky
Me and My Boyfriend; Mocca
just for a moment, a frozen second in time, pain flushed over.
the heart swells with emotions but no words could be said.
she studied what she saw, scrutinized it to make sure she is seeing what she was seeing.
and it made it all real.
she sat there for a moment, anticipating the pain, waiting for grief to wash over her and for the pain to succumb her to tears.
but nothing.
the sudden swell came and went. and she looked at it some more... and smiled to herself. doesn't matter.
i have what i came here for.
and that was it. stolen moment of pain, where envy tried to worm its way in... but everything else surpassed.
they all know how wonderful he can be... but only she knows everything else. it might be good riddance.
sometimes vision grays... and nothing seems as good as it could have been. but just how much can we ask from life? do we even give enough?
we can sleep on the same bed but we might not dream the same things. you can share everything in the world but at the end of the day, you can well still be strangers.
nothing says i know you more than i love you.
and maybe those are the very words i have to say but can't yet.
i don't want to scare you away, i don't want to freak you out. i so desperately want you to stay that i blunder like a fool and say the stupidest things sometimes.
and when i lift my head from my hands i see you're still there.
and i've never felt so unsure, so uncertain, so insecure about someone's presence...
but that fear makes me not take you for granted. that fear makes me try harder, makes me think before i talk.
this fear to lose you makes me forget that i've lost before.
sometimes all that matters in this world can be summed up by a word, a gesture, a look.
i've never had this happiness before, this light tender thoughts that flits down on you in the most mundane moments.
there's no basis for comparison, you're a league of your own.
and i know God is kind, and He will help me out here. he has too. after all i've lost and bid farewell to, this is the one thing i want to keep forever, that i know i won't mind having forever. its not so scary after all, monogamy. haha. yeah for a long time it was. i mean, 1 person? forever? how boring is that? what if you no longer want what you've had for twentyplus years? then what?
20 years from now it'll be 2025. what if then you wake up thinking, ohmygod there's 7,897,989,420 in the world, why should i spend forever with this 1/7,897,989,420 part of it? and what if sex with 3,948,994,710 (not at the same time, no) other men might better?
but if banging away with some other men from this group of 3,948,994,710 means never having the 1/7,897,989,420 person i chose 20 years ago, then i think i'd pass. cuz losing this 1 cannot be made up by any amount of good sex (or otherwise/ other things) with 3,948,994,710 men.
when my boyfriend smiles
the word seems all mine
and all the days seems truly fine
i coud reach out for the sky
Me and My Boyfriend; Mocca
and there's nowhere in the world i'd rather be
yesterday evening left home with the mum to visit the aunt at the hospital. 3 drips, ouch.
then we visited my grandparents whom i haven't seen in a bit. and i hadn't eaten the whole day by then. well barely. only had like a packet of milk and some tuna bread. time check? 8.30 p.m. but just wasn't hungry.
grandma made dhal, which my whole family love but i unforetunately, incomprehendo. i don't like la. i like many things; but dhal i don't. its just weird la.
so i didn't eat rice, just crackers and stuff. seeing this, grandma asked why i wasn't eating, blablabla long story short she decided to cook one of my favouritest dish in the world. sambal ikan bilis. my nenek rocks!
so me and mum stayed there and had dinner... then we all watched rajenigan (spellcheck anyone?) on central. haha. i happen to have a huge crush on rajenigan. oh wait. i think suresh told me it was rajnighan? oh somethingggg la. susah ade matair maplek ni ye. HEE HEE.
so ya we watched the show la... but cannot watch till the end cuz had to catch the last train (grandma lives in eunos!). so we trudged down to mrt station; whoops! missed the last train. and after about 15 minutes at the bus stop we realized, hmm, missed the last bus too.
and THEN. this bangla dude came and like stood right in front of us. see me and mum were seated. and this bangla came and stand, FACING us, just like 3 steps away from my foot. after 3 seconds, i turned to my mum and she turned to me at the same time, and she went, "ni apesal..."* and i went "ape masalah dia ni..."* at the same time. hahaha.
*ni apesal= what's wrong with this guy. ape masalah dia ni= what's the problem with this guy.
then of course he just continued standing there so fiza wants to laugh. yesyes what's new. then he asked my mum if bus service 15 was still in service. HUH??? hahaha. so i wanted to laugh even MORE.
a bus came and he boarded it, asked the bus conductor something then got down again. and promptly sat beside my mum. altogether now; FIZA WANTS TO LAUGH.
keep in mind bus stop is in pretty dark ulu place, albeit with lots of people; albeit majority of whom are foreign workers.
then it took everything i had in me not to laugh, i tried so hard i saw my own saliva flying out of my mouth as i tried to keep it all in.
then he striked up a conversation with my mum. it went something like;
crazy bangla: so where you live?
mum: oh woodlands.
crazy bangla: i want to go toa payoh.
mum: oh ok.
crazy bangla: after 12 o'clock taxi money up. (FIZA WANTS TO LAUUUUUGH)
mum: ya ya.
crazy bangla: this one your friend? (ME ME ME ME THAT'S ME Y'ALL!)
mum: ah ya.
crazy bangla: you malay?
mum: umm yes.
crazy bangla: no la, you indonesian right.
WARGHKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA.
mum: no no i'm singaporean! (with more than a trace of indignance)
crazy bangla: no laaaaaaa, you indonesian.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
cue for fiza to call poor boyfriend who had to bear with a full minute of hysterical laughter before girlfriend manages to explain why. and then he started laughing too.
maplek: wah damn pro la that guy, he's deciding your mum's nationality for her.
hahaha. so until now i can't stop going to my mum and saying, "no laaaaaaaa, you indonesian." hahahaha.
oh BTW yesterday was a milestone of sorts for me and the maplek cuz we had our first phone conversation. yes, conversation. cuz we rarely call each other up, and when we do its like, "ok i'm in school already where are you?" or, "hmm are you at the station? i'm outside already."
but yesterday we had a proper phone conversation! i told him bout' crazy bangla, he told me about soccer scores (liverpool almost won *cusses warnock* and man u lost so yay), i told him about time at grandma's, then he told me how the rajnighan story is gonna end, and i told him that rajnighan is a paedophile cuz he's 32 and the girl is 17 how can he like her, and he asked how i did the maths and i said oh cuz when he explained about the girl who got raped then hang herself to her death she said the girl was 15 and only 2 years younger than her and then at the police station he was asked his age and he said 32. then he oh ok you very good la watch tamil movie until like that. :D
not bad la. quite happy. and i checked call duration, 9 minutes! whoo hoo! almost ten minutes. not bad la hor.
then i got home, msn-ed with him for abit then he went to bed cuz today he's playing soccer at 11 at kallang. and of course he's gonna come home with a slew of injuries, among other things.
i feel like buying underwear. hmm.
in other news. uhh. i am still not hungry and mum tried to force me to eat just now. leading to very cranky fiza. i don't want to eat means i don't want to eat la! why must force one. and she made me eat 2 suaps (handful?) of rice. nyehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. then i went to shit so all that rice came out and now i feel better.
i feel like posting random pictures.
this is a kambing. i think. also known as sheep? i need to go to the zoo. DIDJA HEAR THAT SURESH? I NEEEEEEEED TO GO TO THE ZOO!
umm ok next.
a new way to wear your dress; hang them on your ears.
i like to laypuck (lepak; hang around) esplanade cuz of this wonderful view but now i avoid it on peak hours (saturday nights, weekday nights- cuz i don't want to bump into people i don't want to meet). and interestingly enough, while playing around with its pronounciation on wednesday, i said, " (esple)na- dey" and the maplek told me that's "world in tamil." so yeah, that's a bit of something new you learn everyday.
oh ya and since i don't go there much now i decided a nice new place to laypuck is by the singapore river. when its not warm and the air is not still cuz then the stink of the water really gets to your nose and its like being in 19th century singapore again. but when its breezy and the sky is starry its all very nice and dandy.
i am that chao ah lian you love so, who will willingly, at any time of day, look at you in the eye, grin, and say, "SONG BOH!"
its a very nice sunday afternoon, don't you think? perfect for a noon nap, a bit of writing for school then laze away the final hours of the era that was too short, too short.
240 hours away from nus whittled away, and tomorrow its back to school.
not bad, not bad. not bad at all.
yesterday evening left home with the mum to visit the aunt at the hospital. 3 drips, ouch.
then we visited my grandparents whom i haven't seen in a bit. and i hadn't eaten the whole day by then. well barely. only had like a packet of milk and some tuna bread. time check? 8.30 p.m. but just wasn't hungry.
grandma made dhal, which my whole family love but i unforetunately, incomprehendo. i don't like la. i like many things; but dhal i don't. its just weird la.
so i didn't eat rice, just crackers and stuff. seeing this, grandma asked why i wasn't eating, blablabla long story short she decided to cook one of my favouritest dish in the world. sambal ikan bilis. my nenek rocks!
so me and mum stayed there and had dinner... then we all watched rajenigan (spellcheck anyone?) on central. haha. i happen to have a huge crush on rajenigan. oh wait. i think suresh told me it was rajnighan? oh somethingggg la. susah ade matair maplek ni ye. HEE HEE.
so ya we watched the show la... but cannot watch till the end cuz had to catch the last train (grandma lives in eunos!). so we trudged down to mrt station; whoops! missed the last train. and after about 15 minutes at the bus stop we realized, hmm, missed the last bus too.
and THEN. this bangla dude came and like stood right in front of us. see me and mum were seated. and this bangla came and stand, FACING us, just like 3 steps away from my foot. after 3 seconds, i turned to my mum and she turned to me at the same time, and she went, "ni apesal..."* and i went "ape masalah dia ni..."* at the same time. hahaha.
*ni apesal= what's wrong with this guy. ape masalah dia ni= what's the problem with this guy.
then of course he just continued standing there so fiza wants to laugh. yesyes what's new. then he asked my mum if bus service 15 was still in service. HUH??? hahaha. so i wanted to laugh even MORE.
a bus came and he boarded it, asked the bus conductor something then got down again. and promptly sat beside my mum. altogether now; FIZA WANTS TO LAUGH.
keep in mind bus stop is in pretty dark ulu place, albeit with lots of people; albeit majority of whom are foreign workers.
then it took everything i had in me not to laugh, i tried so hard i saw my own saliva flying out of my mouth as i tried to keep it all in.
then he striked up a conversation with my mum. it went something like;
crazy bangla: so where you live?
mum: oh woodlands.
crazy bangla: i want to go toa payoh.
mum: oh ok.
crazy bangla: after 12 o'clock taxi money up. (FIZA WANTS TO LAUUUUUGH)
mum: ya ya.
crazy bangla: this one your friend? (ME ME ME ME THAT'S ME Y'ALL!)
mum: ah ya.
crazy bangla: you malay?
mum: umm yes.
crazy bangla: no la, you indonesian right.
WARGHKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA.
mum: no no i'm singaporean! (with more than a trace of indignance)
crazy bangla: no laaaaaaa, you indonesian.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
cue for fiza to call poor boyfriend who had to bear with a full minute of hysterical laughter before girlfriend manages to explain why. and then he started laughing too.
maplek: wah damn pro la that guy, he's deciding your mum's nationality for her.
hahaha. so until now i can't stop going to my mum and saying, "no laaaaaaaa, you indonesian." hahahaha.
oh BTW yesterday was a milestone of sorts for me and the maplek cuz we had our first phone conversation. yes, conversation. cuz we rarely call each other up, and when we do its like, "ok i'm in school already where are you?" or, "hmm are you at the station? i'm outside already."
but yesterday we had a proper phone conversation! i told him bout' crazy bangla, he told me about soccer scores (liverpool almost won *cusses warnock* and man u lost so yay), i told him about time at grandma's, then he told me how the rajnighan story is gonna end, and i told him that rajnighan is a paedophile cuz he's 32 and the girl is 17 how can he like her, and he asked how i did the maths and i said oh cuz when he explained about the girl who got raped then hang herself to her death she said the girl was 15 and only 2 years younger than her and then at the police station he was asked his age and he said 32. then he oh ok you very good la watch tamil movie until like that. :D
not bad la. quite happy. and i checked call duration, 9 minutes! whoo hoo! almost ten minutes. not bad la hor.
then i got home, msn-ed with him for abit then he went to bed cuz today he's playing soccer at 11 at kallang. and of course he's gonna come home with a slew of injuries, among other things.
i feel like buying underwear. hmm.
in other news. uhh. i am still not hungry and mum tried to force me to eat just now. leading to very cranky fiza. i don't want to eat means i don't want to eat la! why must force one. and she made me eat 2 suaps (handful?) of rice. nyehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. then i went to shit so all that rice came out and now i feel better.
i feel like posting random pictures.
this is a kambing. i think. also known as sheep? i need to go to the zoo. DIDJA HEAR THAT SURESH? I NEEEEEEEED TO GO TO THE ZOO!
umm ok next.
a new way to wear your dress; hang them on your ears.
i like to laypuck (lepak; hang around) esplanade cuz of this wonderful view but now i avoid it on peak hours (saturday nights, weekday nights- cuz i don't want to bump into people i don't want to meet). and interestingly enough, while playing around with its pronounciation on wednesday, i said, " (esple)na- dey" and the maplek told me that's "world in tamil." so yeah, that's a bit of something new you learn everyday.
oh ya and since i don't go there much now i decided a nice new place to laypuck is by the singapore river. when its not warm and the air is not still cuz then the stink of the water really gets to your nose and its like being in 19th century singapore again. but when its breezy and the sky is starry its all very nice and dandy.
i am that chao ah lian you love so, who will willingly, at any time of day, look at you in the eye, grin, and say, "SONG BOH!"
its a very nice sunday afternoon, don't you think? perfect for a noon nap, a bit of writing for school then laze away the final hours of the era that was too short, too short.
240 hours away from nus whittled away, and tomorrow its back to school.
not bad, not bad. not bad at all.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
slow down, go easy on me
recollections, reminiscent, days of past till now.
saw a bit of what brought me to where i am now... the nightly conversations, languid noon chats. the snippets of what we shared in the day then recollect in the night...
when i asked, is this pointless, it wasn't because i think it is or if it is then i want to give it up. i asked cuz i knew that was what was on your mind.
i guess we'll forever have to deal with this as temporal (see the irony? forever, temporal). "for now." its so hard to live fully when you keep two- stepping aside, wondering how long "now" is. so much hesitance, apprehension.
And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore,
Only sadness
yet all this only becomes an issue when we slow down our fast- paced joy and reflect. when we're together we just be. we talk on and on we laugh hard we sneak peeks we have it all.
then we sit down for some peace and quiet and in the tranquil arms of silence we realize this is never it. we can go on and on surviving on us, but at some point of time, we will have to do something. and the fact remains that high chances are, this something is not something we can do together.
again, we inevitably come to the end.
yet no matter how many times we talk it over, no matter how many times we speculate the pros and cons and the impossibilities of permanence, wedon't can't walk away. we don't say okay, its not gonna work out, come on then, let's drop this and start getting on with our lives.
sometimes it feels like we're just dragging it on, self- torturing. but it seems like such a waste to shortlive this just because the future seems uncertain. live for the now, we can try. and when the future comes and this ends and, in the worst case scenario, i get hurt beyond repair, at least for however long we were together i was at my happiest.
some things just go without saying. like how i would never do a civil marriage. how i will never make you convert. how despite this very obvious permanent obstacles that can never be dodged, i can't just say okay then, i can't have this.
no. i want to have this. in fact its something i already have and plan to keep for as long as i can.
i know last night was hard on you. it was hard for me too. but some things we just have to face. and maybe its best we know the facts. and since we decide to go on from there, of course, with the ohsoannoying "for now" attached to the end of every sentence, i guess all we can do is make the best of it.
you just make me smile, laugh, be happy. and that's something i can't walk away from...
and of course you had to end that with a "for now". and i can't even hate you for that cuz that's the fact of the situation.
and i'm staying for the same reasons you are too. for now.
recollections, reminiscent, days of past till now.
saw a bit of what brought me to where i am now... the nightly conversations, languid noon chats. the snippets of what we shared in the day then recollect in the night...
when i asked, is this pointless, it wasn't because i think it is or if it is then i want to give it up. i asked cuz i knew that was what was on your mind.
i guess we'll forever have to deal with this as temporal (see the irony? forever, temporal). "for now." its so hard to live fully when you keep two- stepping aside, wondering how long "now" is. so much hesitance, apprehension.
And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore,
Only sadness
yet all this only becomes an issue when we slow down our fast- paced joy and reflect. when we're together we just be. we talk on and on we laugh hard we sneak peeks we have it all.
then we sit down for some peace and quiet and in the tranquil arms of silence we realize this is never it. we can go on and on surviving on us, but at some point of time, we will have to do something. and the fact remains that high chances are, this something is not something we can do together.
again, we inevitably come to the end.
yet no matter how many times we talk it over, no matter how many times we speculate the pros and cons and the impossibilities of permanence, we
sometimes it feels like we're just dragging it on, self- torturing. but it seems like such a waste to shortlive this just because the future seems uncertain. live for the now, we can try. and when the future comes and this ends and, in the worst case scenario, i get hurt beyond repair, at least for however long we were together i was at my happiest.
some things just go without saying. like how i would never do a civil marriage. how i will never make you convert. how despite this very obvious permanent obstacles that can never be dodged, i can't just say okay then, i can't have this.
no. i want to have this. in fact its something i already have and plan to keep for as long as i can.
i know last night was hard on you. it was hard for me too. but some things we just have to face. and maybe its best we know the facts. and since we decide to go on from there, of course, with the ohsoannoying "for now" attached to the end of every sentence, i guess all we can do is make the best of it.
you just make me smile, laugh, be happy. and that's something i can't walk away from...
and of course you had to end that with a "for now". and i can't even hate you for that cuz that's the fact of the situation.
and i'm staying for the same reasons you are too. for now.
Friday, September 23, 2005
i am tanned therefore i am happy
yesyes i am tanned. boowhizza!
am tired though. but i am tanned!
had pastamania with the maplek after that.
sat and wait for my mum by the singapore river... :)
its very easy to fall asleep on your shoulders, bang my chin against your poor knee repetitively, and be doubled over laughing, when i'm with you.
i like singapore river and fort canning park. when i'm with you.
i like breezy places in general. hmm.
as i went on waiting alone, james blunt's wisemen came into my head. in particular this verse.
Look who's alone now,
It's not me, It's not me
Those three Wise Men,
They've got a semi by the sea
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?
Wisemen; James Blunt
and i asked myself... where was i?
and this is where i am.
i've reached that juncture i never anticipated. i braved myself to make painful decisions, to defy convenience and forge ahead with sheer mental strength and little else. i am in a place where the ball is no longer in my half, but the court itself is mine. i've arrived to the painful conclusion that the past few years of my life is simply a chapter, not the plot summary of my eternity.
once and again i say goodbye to the familiar, i bid farewell to all that was safe and secure and run into the waiting arms of uncertainty. i want to love, to live, to smile, to laugh. i used to want to cry but i had enough of that. i don't want tears anymore. pain is not essential. contentment is.
i'm at that place where satisfaction comes much easier, where contentment is my most prized possession. i no longer need the loud boisterous laughter of a crowd, the loud pumping music and the slithery grinding moves of lusty young ones out for just one night of pleasure. i no longer crave to cavort and revel in the sweaty smoky darkness. i don't seek the many smiles of many friends, the crowded gatherings. i don't desire the spinning tizzy of being in a crowd, the dizzying heights of seeing new faces, hearing loud voices, booming laughters.
i want the happiness, of those dear and near. i seek the smiles of those i hold close to my heart. i sit in self- satisfaction here, listening to music only i hear.
i've reached that juncture. i've come to learn that i don't know what i want, or what i might have, in future, and i'm not afraid to admit it. i've come to learn that goodbye isn't always a bad thing. i've come to learn that sometimes, deleting unnecessary social contacts lessens a huge burden.
gotta ask myself question, where am i now?
and i may not know the name of this place. i don't know how long i will be here, i don't know anything i see here. but i know how i got here and i have no shame in that. i don't know why i am here, but i know where i am, there is peace, there is ease, and there is love.
above all, where i am, is my happiest i've been, in many, many years.
there is such ease in living that its almost unbelievable. there is such contentment in small moments, the calm of this place overwhelms me into peaceful silence. and there is so much love, from others and from within... more love than i ever knew exist.
and with all this there is renewed strength, renewed faith, and a renewed will, to live.
i love.
yesyes i am tanned. boowhizza!
am tired though. but i am tanned!
had pastamania with the maplek after that.
sat and wait for my mum by the singapore river... :)
its very easy to fall asleep on your shoulders, bang my chin against your poor knee repetitively, and be doubled over laughing, when i'm with you.
i like singapore river and fort canning park. when i'm with you.
i like breezy places in general. hmm.
as i went on waiting alone, james blunt's wisemen came into my head. in particular this verse.
Look who's alone now,
It's not me, It's not me
Those three Wise Men,
They've got a semi by the sea
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?
Wisemen; James Blunt
and i asked myself... where was i?
and this is where i am.
i've reached that juncture i never anticipated. i braved myself to make painful decisions, to defy convenience and forge ahead with sheer mental strength and little else. i am in a place where the ball is no longer in my half, but the court itself is mine. i've arrived to the painful conclusion that the past few years of my life is simply a chapter, not the plot summary of my eternity.
once and again i say goodbye to the familiar, i bid farewell to all that was safe and secure and run into the waiting arms of uncertainty. i want to love, to live, to smile, to laugh. i used to want to cry but i had enough of that. i don't want tears anymore. pain is not essential. contentment is.
i'm at that place where satisfaction comes much easier, where contentment is my most prized possession. i no longer need the loud boisterous laughter of a crowd, the loud pumping music and the slithery grinding moves of lusty young ones out for just one night of pleasure. i no longer crave to cavort and revel in the sweaty smoky darkness. i don't seek the many smiles of many friends, the crowded gatherings. i don't desire the spinning tizzy of being in a crowd, the dizzying heights of seeing new faces, hearing loud voices, booming laughters.
i want the happiness, of those dear and near. i seek the smiles of those i hold close to my heart. i sit in self- satisfaction here, listening to music only i hear.
i've reached that juncture. i've come to learn that i don't know what i want, or what i might have, in future, and i'm not afraid to admit it. i've come to learn that goodbye isn't always a bad thing. i've come to learn that sometimes, deleting unnecessary social contacts lessens a huge burden.
gotta ask myself question, where am i now?
and i may not know the name of this place. i don't know how long i will be here, i don't know anything i see here. but i know how i got here and i have no shame in that. i don't know why i am here, but i know where i am, there is peace, there is ease, and there is love.
above all, where i am, is my happiest i've been, in many, many years.
there is such ease in living that its almost unbelievable. there is such contentment in small moments, the calm of this place overwhelms me into peaceful silence. and there is so much love, from others and from within... more love than i ever knew exist.
and with all this there is renewed strength, renewed faith, and a renewed will, to live.
i love.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
cuz the world is a sad place
woke up late for class so i had to take a cab. bah. just as well. i don't like taking the train all that much these days.
got to class in time. me and dizzie had a BLAST learning how to do crosstabulations. now how geeky is that? haha. but we did. and i got so excited about my research paper that i came up with like a thousand frequency charts. sheesh.
then i spent a good 4 hours in the forum working on my term paper. for that i give myself a huge pat on the back and congratulate myself with a hearty I ROCK BALLS!
ok then moving on. the poor maplek forgot his brolly (ooh how british) TODAY of all days, was almost late, and was mightily disappointed by the movie version of 1984. ITOLDYOUSO. hahaha. just to spoil it for everyone who haven't watched it, julia has MAJOR pubes in the movie. i kid you not. MAJOR (of course i have a theory that seeing how Big Brother is always watching them, maybe buying a shaver isn't an option; much less shaving). oh and small boobies. so no point! i mean seriously. one of the pinnacles of the text was the sex scene but it was so cheesy- fied in the movie. my say is, read the book, scrap the movie. unfortunately for my maplek, that wasn't an option so he spent the 1.5 hours in there drawing parallels between winston and gollum. whatever makes him happy la hor.
he came down to forum to see me and dizzie clubbing. haha. we played all the hiphop junk in my iTunes and were grooving in our seats. as i told them, in an ideal movie scene i would get up and dance on the table and the whole student body would join me. unforetunately, NUS is hardly spontaneous, much less movie- like.
left soon after for some delifrance @ holland vee then had to rush off cuz this fickle itchy dude, whom only yesterday said he would try to keep his hair longer for a few days, decided that he has to cut it today. as in MUST or he will DIE. boys and hair. *throws hand in the air*
ohoh on the train ride back there was this man MAJORLY scratching his ass, to the point that it made a very crunchy "krappp krappp" sound. fiza excitedly widens her eyes and gestures to the maplek.
"look look!" "huh?" "wah laoo you just miss him scratching his butt la!" "........." "eh it was like major scratching ok. he was scratching so vigorously!" "hahaha ok can you don't be so excited?" "no laa really... so vigorous until got sound one... "krappp krappp." he must be wearing some really crisp underwear."
at that point the maplek burst out laughing and managed to utter, "it can only be you."
then when his laughter subsided, the man (back facing us, of course), puts his hand behind his back again, reaching... out... slowly... for... his... ass... and fiza goes, "OOOOH OOOH OOOOOH!" and excitedly slaps suresh's hands for attention. hahahahaha and then i burst out laughing cuz i sounded so bloody excited it was dumb. subtle i am not.
so anyway he didn't scratch it, probably cuz he realized i was watching it. or him. anyway. suresh said that i was the only one in the cab watching his ass. then i said ya cuz i saw it first! and he said ya well i don't have to make the whole train look at his ass. "i mean if they are all gonna look, its gotta be some hot ass." nah, its not a hot ass. just itchy."
haha.
i love to talk nonsense like that and its very nice to have someone there to entertain your crap. :))
the maplek went down at his station and i panicked for awhile, wondering if the man would beat me up. he didn't. duh.
its one of my pet peeves la; people digging their ass/ nose/ ears in public. YOU GOT TWENTY FOUR HOURS IN A DAY BUT MUST DIG NOW RIGHT??! CAN DIG AT HOME IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR ROOM UNDER YOUR BLANKET BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU DISGUSTING EXHIBITIONIST! MUST DIG IT IN A TRAIN FULL OF PEOPLE! OH SUCH JOY! SHAAAAARE IT WITH ME, SHAAAAAAARE EM', PLEASE!
pfft. and of course today dizzie demonstrated to me (visually, he didn't EAT them god forbid) how some people dig their nose; THEN PROCEED TO TASTE THIS GUNK ON THEIR FINGERS. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM MAN. DIGGING IN PUBLIC IS ONE THING; TASTING IT IS ANOTHER- DIGGING AND TASTING IN PUBLIC IS ASKING FOR IT LA!
seriously. there's chicken, pizza, pasta, cheese, beef, mutton chop, fish, SO MUCH FLAVOURFUL FOOD TO CHOOSE FROM, WHY THE SHIT FROM YOUR NOSE!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
i am getting quite agitated.
oh and inside the train today i pulled the maplek's shirt collar down low and said, "ooooh cleavage!" he is quite worried i'm turning lesbian. and his worries aren't really unfounded.
but anyway i got home safely and now i'm quite bored cuz there's no one to poke, kick, bully, or laugh with. sigh.
Sunday afternoon
Not a lot to do
Think of all
The places I could be
People I could meet
Life so small
I'm watching drops of rain
On my window pane
Empty streets
And I can live on my own
And stay in all day
And watch the rain falling down
I lay on my bed
I feel all left out
And switch off my head
Not A Lot To Do; The Zutons
woke up late for class so i had to take a cab. bah. just as well. i don't like taking the train all that much these days.
got to class in time. me and dizzie had a BLAST learning how to do crosstabulations. now how geeky is that? haha. but we did. and i got so excited about my research paper that i came up with like a thousand frequency charts. sheesh.
then i spent a good 4 hours in the forum working on my term paper. for that i give myself a huge pat on the back and congratulate myself with a hearty I ROCK BALLS!
ok then moving on. the poor maplek forgot his brolly (ooh how british) TODAY of all days, was almost late, and was mightily disappointed by the movie version of 1984. ITOLDYOUSO. hahaha. just to spoil it for everyone who haven't watched it, julia has MAJOR pubes in the movie. i kid you not. MAJOR (of course i have a theory that seeing how Big Brother is always watching them, maybe buying a shaver isn't an option; much less shaving). oh and small boobies. so no point! i mean seriously. one of the pinnacles of the text was the sex scene but it was so cheesy- fied in the movie. my say is, read the book, scrap the movie. unfortunately for my maplek, that wasn't an option so he spent the 1.5 hours in there drawing parallels between winston and gollum. whatever makes him happy la hor.
he came down to forum to see me and dizzie clubbing. haha. we played all the hiphop junk in my iTunes and were grooving in our seats. as i told them, in an ideal movie scene i would get up and dance on the table and the whole student body would join me. unforetunately, NUS is hardly spontaneous, much less movie- like.
left soon after for some delifrance @ holland vee then had to rush off cuz this fickle itchy dude, whom only yesterday said he would try to keep his hair longer for a few days, decided that he has to cut it today. as in MUST or he will DIE. boys and hair. *throws hand in the air*
ohoh on the train ride back there was this man MAJORLY scratching his ass, to the point that it made a very crunchy "krappp krappp" sound. fiza excitedly widens her eyes and gestures to the maplek.
"look look!" "huh?" "wah laoo you just miss him scratching his butt la!" "........." "eh it was like major scratching ok. he was scratching so vigorously!" "hahaha ok can you don't be so excited?" "no laa really... so vigorous until got sound one... "krappp krappp." he must be wearing some really crisp underwear."
at that point the maplek burst out laughing and managed to utter, "it can only be you."
then when his laughter subsided, the man (back facing us, of course), puts his hand behind his back again, reaching... out... slowly... for... his... ass... and fiza goes, "OOOOH OOOH OOOOOH!" and excitedly slaps suresh's hands for attention. hahahahaha and then i burst out laughing cuz i sounded so bloody excited it was dumb. subtle i am not.
so anyway he didn't scratch it, probably cuz he realized i was watching it. or him. anyway. suresh said that i was the only one in the cab watching his ass. then i said ya cuz i saw it first! and he said ya well i don't have to make the whole train look at his ass. "i mean if they are all gonna look, its gotta be some hot ass." nah, its not a hot ass. just itchy."
haha.
i love to talk nonsense like that and its very nice to have someone there to entertain your crap. :))
the maplek went down at his station and i panicked for awhile, wondering if the man would beat me up. he didn't. duh.
its one of my pet peeves la; people digging their ass/ nose/ ears in public. YOU GOT TWENTY FOUR HOURS IN A DAY BUT MUST DIG NOW RIGHT??! CAN DIG AT HOME IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR ROOM UNDER YOUR BLANKET BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU DISGUSTING EXHIBITIONIST! MUST DIG IT IN A TRAIN FULL OF PEOPLE! OH SUCH JOY! SHAAAAARE IT WITH ME, SHAAAAAAARE EM', PLEASE!
pfft. and of course today dizzie demonstrated to me (visually, he didn't EAT them god forbid) how some people dig their nose; THEN PROCEED TO TASTE THIS GUNK ON THEIR FINGERS. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM MAN. DIGGING IN PUBLIC IS ONE THING; TASTING IT IS ANOTHER- DIGGING AND TASTING IN PUBLIC IS ASKING FOR IT LA!
seriously. there's chicken, pizza, pasta, cheese, beef, mutton chop, fish, SO MUCH FLAVOURFUL FOOD TO CHOOSE FROM, WHY THE SHIT FROM YOUR NOSE!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
i am getting quite agitated.
oh and inside the train today i pulled the maplek's shirt collar down low and said, "ooooh cleavage!" he is quite worried i'm turning lesbian. and his worries aren't really unfounded.
but anyway i got home safely and now i'm quite bored cuz there's no one to poke, kick, bully, or laugh with. sigh.
Sunday afternoon
Not a lot to do
Think of all
The places I could be
People I could meet
Life so small
I'm watching drops of rain
On my window pane
Empty streets
And I can live on my own
And stay in all day
And watch the rain falling down
I lay on my bed
I feel all left out
And switch off my head
Not A Lot To Do; The Zutons
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
you can't please everybody, so just fuck it
title courtesy of my very polite and lovely boyfriend, the maplek. :))
*looks pointedly at tagboard* its very hard to just shrug off the fact that i did hurt him, that i was selfish. i'm assuming that 'trep' here has close relations to said him, and knows our relationship inside out, albeit from his perspective. its also i guess, pointless, to point out that we both knew it, both meaning the two people involved in the said relationship at the said time, that being in one means trials and tribulations. will it, too, be pointless to point out how that there is no need for such angst now that he is free, and so much happier with new girl?
hereon i adopt aforementioned title cuz i agree. at some point of time somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna be annoyed by something, anything, i do/ say/ type/ think/ etc. so whatever tickles your nipples, greases your spoon, gets your knickers in knots. if it makes you pleased to get agitated by each word i type on this spot, so it goes.
today was a lovely day, well- spent.
met the maplek at 12ish... and first thing i did was poke his neck to prove my point that no, poking his neck would not lead to excessive bleeding. we then proceed to decide, over a span of 6 train stations, where we should go.
ended up at esplanade, not before a detour to ya kun kaya at raffles city and 7- 11 at citylink for drinks. walked on down and sat by marina bay.
sat, chat, laughed, smiled... just being together. its very simple really, how i just enjoy your company. and how you take my hurt and tears away and make sure i am laughing so hard i barely have time to think of my pain. make sure i am so smitten by you that i forget all else.
waves crashed by our feet.
and there's just contentment in being in your presence. an easy companionship; being with you is about shared laughter, side- splitting jokes and a common language only we speak. its about a private coccoon we create for ourselves.
and i like it. this feels different and yet this makes me happier than anything else in the world.
oh and sunday was a blast actually. met hana for wedding at ruz's, food was FAB btw. pretty interesting wedding too. right hana? and haqeem is gonna go through hell when its his turn. hahaha. so we went, ate, snapped stupid pictures in the train back...
then i met my maplek at boat quay at 5. we slacked for a bit at starbucks liang court before making our way to robertson walk. got great seats right UP FRONT. haha. the tv was like, IN YOUR FACE! and cuz there were so many tvs, there were also different rates of audio. damn weird la can. our tv was the fastest, and all throughout the game, we would see a missed goal, catch our breath, then a second later a bunch from the next table watching a different screen goes WHOOOOOOAAA very loudly. -______- damn slow la. then me and the maplek were all snobby about our faster reception. hahaha.
before game started this kid came jumping about near our table.
*pinches cheeks* she is how cute can.
and he wore white and i wore black. very neutral hor? haha.
game ended in a draw, no red cards. though we did bicker for a few seconds over the yellow cards. but while holding hands, so all's good.
ya, we were VERY close to the tv. haha. and excuse the open mouths, i think gerrard was on the ball.
Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above,
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me
High; James Blunt
with you i am me, with you i am free.
with you is all i want to be.
title courtesy of my very polite and lovely boyfriend, the maplek. :))
*looks pointedly at tagboard* its very hard to just shrug off the fact that i did hurt him, that i was selfish. i'm assuming that 'trep' here has close relations to said him, and knows our relationship inside out, albeit from his perspective. its also i guess, pointless, to point out that we both knew it, both meaning the two people involved in the said relationship at the said time, that being in one means trials and tribulations. will it, too, be pointless to point out how that there is no need for such angst now that he is free, and so much happier with new girl?
hereon i adopt aforementioned title cuz i agree. at some point of time somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna be annoyed by something, anything, i do/ say/ type/ think/ etc. so whatever tickles your nipples, greases your spoon, gets your knickers in knots. if it makes you pleased to get agitated by each word i type on this spot, so it goes.
today was a lovely day, well- spent.
met the maplek at 12ish... and first thing i did was poke his neck to prove my point that no, poking his neck would not lead to excessive bleeding. we then proceed to decide, over a span of 6 train stations, where we should go.
ended up at esplanade, not before a detour to ya kun kaya at raffles city and 7- 11 at citylink for drinks. walked on down and sat by marina bay.
sat, chat, laughed, smiled... just being together. its very simple really, how i just enjoy your company. and how you take my hurt and tears away and make sure i am laughing so hard i barely have time to think of my pain. make sure i am so smitten by you that i forget all else.
waves crashed by our feet.
and there's just contentment in being in your presence. an easy companionship; being with you is about shared laughter, side- splitting jokes and a common language only we speak. its about a private coccoon we create for ourselves.
and i like it. this feels different and yet this makes me happier than anything else in the world.
oh and sunday was a blast actually. met hana for wedding at ruz's, food was FAB btw. pretty interesting wedding too. right hana? and haqeem is gonna go through hell when its his turn. hahaha. so we went, ate, snapped stupid pictures in the train back...
then i met my maplek at boat quay at 5. we slacked for a bit at starbucks liang court before making our way to robertson walk. got great seats right UP FRONT. haha. the tv was like, IN YOUR FACE! and cuz there were so many tvs, there were also different rates of audio. damn weird la can. our tv was the fastest, and all throughout the game, we would see a missed goal, catch our breath, then a second later a bunch from the next table watching a different screen goes WHOOOOOOAAA very loudly. -______- damn slow la. then me and the maplek were all snobby about our faster reception. hahaha.
before game started this kid came jumping about near our table.
*pinches cheeks* she is how cute can.
and he wore white and i wore black. very neutral hor? haha.
game ended in a draw, no red cards. though we did bicker for a few seconds over the yellow cards. but while holding hands, so all's good.
ya, we were VERY close to the tv. haha. and excuse the open mouths, i think gerrard was on the ball.
Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above,
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me
High; James Blunt
with you i am me, with you i am free.
with you is all i want to be.
and if it never ends then when do we start?
i feel like saying something.
but i don't know if there's anything left to say...
there isn't.
meeting the maplek tomorrow yay yay yay! *does a happy dance*
yeah y'all remember that dance don't you? its been a while hasn't it. hehe.
everyone keeps telling me how lucky i am to have you. and i know that i am.
you've been brilliantly patient, accomodating, and just simply fantastic in the face of this adversity of mine. and i realize its time to stop being selfish and snap out of my wallowing and treasure what i have with you.
(AM 02:09) Me: was thinking we could go to some beach
(AM 02:09) Me: but all e beaches are pretty far
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: well maybe cos
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: all the beaches are along the perimeter of spore
(AM 02:10) Me: yeah
(AM 02:10) Me: ROAAAAAAAAAAR
(AM 02:10) Me: i'm one times unhappy lion.
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: a lion?
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: ah ok
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: hmm beaches
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: changi, east coast
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: sentosa
(AM 02:11) Me: west coast
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: any more?
(AM 02:11) Me: sembawang
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: sembawang?
(AM 02:11) Me: ya
(AM 02:12) Me: isnt there a beach there
(AM 02:12) Me: ok
(AM 02:12) Me: general water body resembling an ocean
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHA
(AM 02:12) SuReSh: are u talking bout a reservoir?
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHAA
(AM 02:12) Me: NO!
(AM 02:12) Me: sembawang park la
(AM 02:12) Me: there's a beach
(AM 02:12) Me: a boy drowned there
(AM 02:12) Me: so it must be a beach
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHA
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: oh ok
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: the logic is like.. wow.
its so hard to not just be happy in your presence. and to all who remain disapproving; shame on you. i am happy. what is so wrong about that?
his race and religion does not bother me. maybe in time it might become an issue. we know that. and we're ready to face it when we have to. we'll cross the bridge when we get to it, so to speak. we didn't go into this blind and unknowing of what the future might hold. nothing is impossible. if everyone insist on discouraging us being together and worrying about our potential pain instead of being supportive, chances are your wishes would come true and we would end this, and in pain.
Religions are many and diverse, but reason and goodness are one.
Elbert Hubbard
but if everyone else just believe in us and hope for us to work it out as we do, then maybe, you needn't worry about me being hurt in the end, cuz then it won't happen.
i know what i'm doing. this isn't another random boy for fiza moment. he's not gonna end up another hole in the belt, to be talked about then left behind in the span of a month.
we've been together for quite some time now, and i don't see it ending anytime soon. yet people worry. because being of different race and religion of course we can't last forever, could we? well trust me, we've been through this, several times, and more than anything else, we want to try and get past it the best way possible. from where he stands, he wants this to go on for as long as it could, forever, if possible.
and anything is possible.
now if all of you would just give us that chance and stop worrying about us getting hurt in the end, maybe you can end up seeing us happy, to the very end.
This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
H.H. The Dalai Lama
i feel like saying something.
but i don't know if there's anything left to say...
there isn't.
meeting the maplek tomorrow yay yay yay! *does a happy dance*
yeah y'all remember that dance don't you? its been a while hasn't it. hehe.
everyone keeps telling me how lucky i am to have you. and i know that i am.
you've been brilliantly patient, accomodating, and just simply fantastic in the face of this adversity of mine. and i realize its time to stop being selfish and snap out of my wallowing and treasure what i have with you.
(AM 02:09) Me: was thinking we could go to some beach
(AM 02:09) Me: but all e beaches are pretty far
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: well maybe cos
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: all the beaches are along the perimeter of spore
(AM 02:10) Me: yeah
(AM 02:10) Me: ROAAAAAAAAAAR
(AM 02:10) Me: i'm one times unhappy lion.
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: a lion?
(AM 02:10) SuReSh: ah ok
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: hmm beaches
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: changi, east coast
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: sentosa
(AM 02:11) Me: west coast
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: any more?
(AM 02:11) Me: sembawang
(AM 02:11) SuReSh: sembawang?
(AM 02:11) Me: ya
(AM 02:12) Me: isnt there a beach there
(AM 02:12) Me: ok
(AM 02:12) Me: general water body resembling an ocean
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHA
(AM 02:12) SuReSh: are u talking bout a reservoir?
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHAA
(AM 02:12) Me: NO!
(AM 02:12) Me: sembawang park la
(AM 02:12) Me: there's a beach
(AM 02:12) Me: a boy drowned there
(AM 02:12) Me: so it must be a beach
(AM 02:12) Me: HAHAHAHA
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: oh ok
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:13) SuReSh: the logic is like.. wow.
its so hard to not just be happy in your presence. and to all who remain disapproving; shame on you. i am happy. what is so wrong about that?
his race and religion does not bother me. maybe in time it might become an issue. we know that. and we're ready to face it when we have to. we'll cross the bridge when we get to it, so to speak. we didn't go into this blind and unknowing of what the future might hold. nothing is impossible. if everyone insist on discouraging us being together and worrying about our potential pain instead of being supportive, chances are your wishes would come true and we would end this, and in pain.
Religions are many and diverse, but reason and goodness are one.
Elbert Hubbard
but if everyone else just believe in us and hope for us to work it out as we do, then maybe, you needn't worry about me being hurt in the end, cuz then it won't happen.
i know what i'm doing. this isn't another random boy for fiza moment. he's not gonna end up another hole in the belt, to be talked about then left behind in the span of a month.
we've been together for quite some time now, and i don't see it ending anytime soon. yet people worry. because being of different race and religion of course we can't last forever, could we? well trust me, we've been through this, several times, and more than anything else, we want to try and get past it the best way possible. from where he stands, he wants this to go on for as long as it could, forever, if possible.
and anything is possible.
now if all of you would just give us that chance and stop worrying about us getting hurt in the end, maybe you can end up seeing us happy, to the very end.
This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
H.H. The Dalai Lama
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
nothing's quite the same now
i just say your name now?
well i don't. i won't.
but you did sail away, maybe into the not- so- gray sky morning. but how apt it is anyway, that this afternoon shall rain. and how can i forget you yourself sang this at pjc arts day 2002. life and its many cyclical karma.
its not really all that depressing or sad as i may have made it out to be. genuinely, i am happy. for everyone who has found love. but who can blame me for this hollowed sadness that echoes?
before i went to sleep, i asked myself why i should be sad. do i want you back? no. do i want you to stay with me? no. do i want you to go on being pointlessly in love with me? no. do i want to watch you go on hoping beyond hope? no. so why should i be sad?
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
because this means that strong overpowering spell that once held us together, bound us in a seeming deadlock, is now broken. the magic that was is no more.
and like a kid finding out santa is fake, i feel foolish. and naive. and your mind is set in a spiral of recollection; remembering all the days you so sincerely believed and wonder just how many people were laughing at you behind your back.
the rain got heavier and in the spur of the moment i made a decision to go out and stand in the rain.
stood there in the open field facing the highway and just stood there. and the rain got heavier and my glasses got foggy and the wind billowed my shirt...
and i just stood there.
and i forced myself to think of everything i so fear, imagine everything i'll hate to see, remember every word you said to me before, recall the revelation and the pang that hit me... and i made sure i had all this felt and imagined pain all collated in me ready to burst,
and i let the rain wash it away.
let the drops fall off me and bringing with it all that i've lost. let the rain wash away everything i've hoped for and wanted but never got. let the rain seep in and soak up all my pain like a sponge, and let it all fall back to where it came from.
and i didn't shed a tear, i didn't cry a drop. the rain fell into my eyes, stinging. but nothing.
and i just stood there for the longest time and the rain kept falling... and the pain kept fading... and the you i knew fell away with it.
its all over now. the rain, the moment, you, us.
The day is breaking and the time is taking the love were making
Away this life can only leave us lonely there's no tommorow
Just another little hole in her heart
A Little Hole; Aqualung
i picked up the call, despite only previously telling myself i will be okay only if i stay away from the situation for a few days; but i thought, what harm could you do, the you i knew won't hurt me for the world.
i hanged up feeling like i spent 5 minutes speaking to a stranger.
and that's how i know the spell is gone, the magic that was is no more. it made me sad. but maybe that's for the best. as long as we're all happier where we are.
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
i was chatting with you online and i saw the sky's outpouring and i knew i had to be in it. i told you, "be right back." and i stuck it out in the open fields and the wind and the rain and got home soaked and satiated and i told you so.
"ah ok. go take a shower la dear..."
thank you for being you.
like i told hana, maybe if it was a different guy, maybe if it was faidzal or kim or firr or anyone else i was seeing, i would have panicked and left said guy and run back to him begging for a 3rd/ 4th/ 5th/ hundredth chance. cuz he is, as always, safe, secure, and he is the hafiz that i know since forever.
but no. not for one moment did it cross my mind that maybe i should go back to him, what more to leave what i have. it wasn't even an option. it wasn't a matter of i didn't want to go back to him, but more i didn't want to leave you.
and hence there you have it, the many (one?) good things (thing?) that came out of yesterday. it reaffirmed everything i always thought i knew.
that its just you. and that, is all i need.
i just say your name now?
well i don't. i won't.
but you did sail away, maybe into the not- so- gray sky morning. but how apt it is anyway, that this afternoon shall rain. and how can i forget you yourself sang this at pjc arts day 2002. life and its many cyclical karma.
its not really all that depressing or sad as i may have made it out to be. genuinely, i am happy. for everyone who has found love. but who can blame me for this hollowed sadness that echoes?
before i went to sleep, i asked myself why i should be sad. do i want you back? no. do i want you to stay with me? no. do i want you to go on being pointlessly in love with me? no. do i want to watch you go on hoping beyond hope? no. so why should i be sad?
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
because this means that strong overpowering spell that once held us together, bound us in a seeming deadlock, is now broken. the magic that was is no more.
and like a kid finding out santa is fake, i feel foolish. and naive. and your mind is set in a spiral of recollection; remembering all the days you so sincerely believed and wonder just how many people were laughing at you behind your back.
the rain got heavier and in the spur of the moment i made a decision to go out and stand in the rain.
stood there in the open field facing the highway and just stood there. and the rain got heavier and my glasses got foggy and the wind billowed my shirt...
and i just stood there.
and i forced myself to think of everything i so fear, imagine everything i'll hate to see, remember every word you said to me before, recall the revelation and the pang that hit me... and i made sure i had all this felt and imagined pain all collated in me ready to burst,
and i let the rain wash it away.
let the drops fall off me and bringing with it all that i've lost. let the rain wash away everything i've hoped for and wanted but never got. let the rain seep in and soak up all my pain like a sponge, and let it all fall back to where it came from.
and i didn't shed a tear, i didn't cry a drop. the rain fell into my eyes, stinging. but nothing.
and i just stood there for the longest time and the rain kept falling... and the pain kept fading... and the you i knew fell away with it.
its all over now. the rain, the moment, you, us.
The day is breaking and the time is taking the love were making
Away this life can only leave us lonely there's no tommorow
Just another little hole in her heart
A Little Hole; Aqualung
i picked up the call, despite only previously telling myself i will be okay only if i stay away from the situation for a few days; but i thought, what harm could you do, the you i knew won't hurt me for the world.
i hanged up feeling like i spent 5 minutes speaking to a stranger.
and that's how i know the spell is gone, the magic that was is no more. it made me sad. but maybe that's for the best. as long as we're all happier where we are.
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
i was chatting with you online and i saw the sky's outpouring and i knew i had to be in it. i told you, "be right back." and i stuck it out in the open fields and the wind and the rain and got home soaked and satiated and i told you so.
"ah ok. go take a shower la dear..."
thank you for being you.
like i told hana, maybe if it was a different guy, maybe if it was faidzal or kim or firr or anyone else i was seeing, i would have panicked and left said guy and run back to him begging for a 3rd/ 4th/ 5th/ hundredth chance. cuz he is, as always, safe, secure, and he is the hafiz that i know since forever.
but no. not for one moment did it cross my mind that maybe i should go back to him, what more to leave what i have. it wasn't even an option. it wasn't a matter of i didn't want to go back to him, but more i didn't want to leave you.
and hence there you have it, the many (one?) good things (thing?) that came out of yesterday. it reaffirmed everything i always thought i knew.
that its just you. and that, is all i need.
Monday, September 19, 2005
well its not so bad, you're only the best i ever had
its hard to be all magnanimous but i'll try.
i can't explain why i cried; not to hana, not to you, not to anyone. but many good things came out of this. i didn't cry cuz of regret. i didn't cry cuz of loss. but maybe i was shocked. there were many things going through my mind.
but i'm not going to try explaining why i feel the way i feel. either you get me or you don't. so here goes.
i had a second chance at working it out with you...
and i blew it.
or did i?
i left cuzi wanted to be with someone not you. i left cuz i was no longer turning to you, being with you...
my feelings my thoughts my laughs, belonged to someone else. so did my hands.
and so now when you say you've found someone new, my first instinct was pain, hurt, betrayal. then i realized you probably gave us more respect than i ever did. i will never go back to you, its pointless. we shared what we shared, but now that moment is over. like everything and everyone, life goes on, we move on.
i wasn't sure what i felt, what i should/ could/ wasd feeling. the initial shock dissipated and what was left was a sad faded picture of the past; a frozen moment of us together laughing, holding hands.
then i think of the now.
of you and her happy. of you finally having someone, and her having a great guy...
more importantly, i think of you, the boy who turned 21 today, and how happy you make me. and how i can talk to you about everything and anything. and how we can hold hands while watching a live telecast of liverpool (me) vs man utd (you). and how nice it is to just hold hands and say nothing... and how the shortest hours are my happiest and the longest hours is ethereal bliss.
and i know God is Kind.
all the best, hafiz lim, you were always the best i ever had.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
Goodbye My Lover; James Blunt
so for you who made me your everything...
i wish you all the happiness in the world.
and for you who is my everything...
well you can stop fishing already, cuz this fish is hooked.
and of course, happy happy 21st. i know you like the card ;), hope you like the book too. hehe.
hello new world.
its hard to be all magnanimous but i'll try.
i can't explain why i cried; not to hana, not to you, not to anyone. but many good things came out of this. i didn't cry cuz of regret. i didn't cry cuz of loss. but maybe i was shocked. there were many things going through my mind.
but i'm not going to try explaining why i feel the way i feel. either you get me or you don't. so here goes.
i had a second chance at working it out with you...
and i blew it.
or did i?
i left cuzi wanted to be with someone not you. i left cuz i was no longer turning to you, being with you...
my feelings my thoughts my laughs, belonged to someone else. so did my hands.
and so now when you say you've found someone new, my first instinct was pain, hurt, betrayal. then i realized you probably gave us more respect than i ever did. i will never go back to you, its pointless. we shared what we shared, but now that moment is over. like everything and everyone, life goes on, we move on.
i wasn't sure what i felt, what i should/ could/ wasd feeling. the initial shock dissipated and what was left was a sad faded picture of the past; a frozen moment of us together laughing, holding hands.
then i think of the now.
of you and her happy. of you finally having someone, and her having a great guy...
more importantly, i think of you, the boy who turned 21 today, and how happy you make me. and how i can talk to you about everything and anything. and how we can hold hands while watching a live telecast of liverpool (me) vs man utd (you). and how nice it is to just hold hands and say nothing... and how the shortest hours are my happiest and the longest hours is ethereal bliss.
and i know God is Kind.
all the best, hafiz lim, you were always the best i ever had.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
Goodbye My Lover; James Blunt
so for you who made me your everything...
i wish you all the happiness in the world.
and for you who is my everything...
well you can stop fishing already, cuz this fish is hooked.
and of course, happy happy 21st. i know you like the card ;), hope you like the book too. hehe.
hello new world.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
and i will miss you (cuz i want to)
i know its almost 5 a.m. was online yakking to the lesbonbon (for the record, its hana).
yes this makcik/ auntie is hana a.k.a. the lesbonbon. now aren't we the most adorable lesbos?
a great albeit long saturday. woke up at 1 (YAY!) and left home at 2ish with mum and the cousin.
1. adam road for some mutton chop and indian rojak.
2. salvation army for cheap junk (i got 2 books for $3! whee!)
3. a drive to borders to get more books for me.
4. burger king for light snacks- fries and turkey bacon for us 3.
5. simpang bedok, but what we wanted wasn't there so drove again...
6. and landed on siglap street coffee club.
7. had mud pie, brownies with ice- cream and some ice- cream profiterole thingy called mount kilimanjaro.
8. feel bloated and fat. sit there high on cappucino ice cream and oreo crust and sing malaysian national anthem complete with elaborate pratriotic gestures. and dramatic drum rolls.
9. drive around some more, land in clarke quay, by the river. sit and yak. stamp your feet when chelsea scores against charlton.
10. walk back to car...
11. drive back to adam road for one last mutton chop and mutton soup.
12. finally call it a day and drive back. home. aah.
looooooooong day.
but i had a blast of course. as for tomorrow, to ruz's sister's wedding we go, then a man u vs liverpool match for me and the maplek.
as i told hana, THIS could make or break us. if man u wins someone is gonna have a lonelyyyy birthday.
yup, the indian one turns 21 this monday. :))
so for his own sake, liverpool better win tomorrow. and i will be wearing black, to exude some form of neutrality. if he wears a man u jersey he's gonna have a loooooooong sunday evening. haha.
ohwe i came up with a company for us just now.
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: okay
(AM 02:49) Me: any other issues to bring up?
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: sounds like a meeting with an agenda and all
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: "ok next on the agenda is..."
(AM 02:50) Me: ya la
(AM 02:50) Me: so many points!
(AM 02:50) Me: hahaha
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: is anyone taking minutes?
(AM 02:50) Me: a secretary
(AM 02:50) Me: taking minutes
(AM 02:50) Me: would have a migraine
(AM 02:50) Me: haha no one
(AM 02:50) Me: they gave up
(AM 02:50) Me: the last one left at the bouncing bit (i was high, i said i wanted to bounce, i made him bounce along, etc, don't bother comprehending)
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: so all points discussed from that point on are null and void?
(AM 02:51) Me: well they wont show on company report
(AM 02:51) Me: nothing we can do abt that
(AM 02:51) Me: *shrugs
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: whoa*
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: we have a company now?
(AM 02:51) Me: we're going downnnnnnnnnnn
(AM 02:51) Me: then got meeting for what?
(AM 02:51) Me: happy happy meeting
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: haha
(AM 02:52) SuReSh: ok la got company
(AM 02:52) SuReSh: what's the company's name?
(AM 02:52) Me: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(AM 02:53) Me: the nehnehpok maplek pte ltd
(AM 02:53) SuReSh: oei
(AM 02:53) Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
(AM 02:53) Me: I LIKE!
(AM 02:53) Me: you like?
(AM 02:53) Me: :D
(AM 02:53) SuReSh: NO!!!!
(AM 02:53) Me: :(
(AM 02:54) SuReSh: im 50% partner and so got half the say!!
(AM 02:54) Me: thennnn
(AM 02:54) Me: u got better name?
(AM 02:54) SuReSh: thinking...
(AM 02:55) SuReSh: oh wait
(AM 02:55) SuReSh: what does the company DO???
(AM 02:55) Me: ummmm
(AM 02:55) Me: its a consultant agency!
(AM 02:56) Me: like if u wanna choose a place to go eat watch movie watch soccer etc (we happen to argue alot over this; where to eat/ go/ etc; no we don't fight over a place, we fight over who should think and decide)
(AM 02:56) Me: we will provide suggestions
(AM 02:56) SuReSh: hahahah
(AM 02:56) Me: its a SERVICE ORIENTED company!
(AM 02:56) Me: booming industry, i heard
(AM 02:56) SuReSh: and with a name like that im sure u'll reel in the big bucks
(AM 02:57) Me: ok la ok la
(AM 02:57) Me: ummmm
(AM 02:57) Me: the fat maplek consultancy?
(AM 02:57) SuReSh: wha lau
(AM 02:57) SuReSh: i give up la
(AM 02:57) Me: whyyyyyyyyyy
(AM 02:57) Me: you dont like meeeeeeeeeeeeee
(AM 02:58) Me: boooooooooooooooooooooo
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: haha
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: ok im too tired to think of a name now
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: but i will think of one eventually
(AM 02:58) Me: cannot
(AM 02:58) Me: tmr must register company name
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: till then u can have ur interim name
(AM 02:58) Me: thheeet.
(AM 02:59) SuReSh: thheet?
(AM 02:59) Me: theeeeeet.
(AM 02:59) Me: as in the buzzer sound
(AM 02:59) Me: too late!
(AM 02:59) SuReSh: oh ok
(AM 03:00) Me: ya so fat maplek it is.
(AM 03:00) Me: :D
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: haha
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: so it is
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: but can apply for name change
(AM 03:00) Me: :(
(AM 03:01) Me: you dont like it.
(AM 03:01) Me: you dont like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(AM 03:01) Me: you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: hahahah
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: okok
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: fat maplek consultancy pte ltd it is
so if you ever need our services, do give us a ring. fat maplek consultancy will be more than happy to assist you. :D
ok now i shall sleep. and tomorrow i shall meet lesbonbon and maplek. oh BTW big achi ruz, if you read this- the apek apologizes cuz he can't come. got driving prac at 2 la. big achi la, cuz now i small achi, cuz i achi by relation, you achi by blood. haha! ok sorry.
my friends need proper names man. examples (real name in parenthesis): lesbonbon (hana), cheena minah (nydia), chief minah (sara), maplek (suresh), apek (hafiz), dizzie (hafiz), achi (ruz), bulu (farhan), sheila majid (azri), banana (farhana; ok this makes some sense)... NONE (technically) MAKES SENSE! OH MY GOD.
tis' a milestone today my friends, when it finally dawns on me the weirdness that has infiltrated my life in silence for years.
i know its almost 5 a.m. was online yakking to the lesbonbon (for the record, its hana).
yes this makcik/ auntie is hana a.k.a. the lesbonbon. now aren't we the most adorable lesbos?
a great albeit long saturday. woke up at 1 (YAY!) and left home at 2ish with mum and the cousin.
1. adam road for some mutton chop and indian rojak.
2. salvation army for cheap junk (i got 2 books for $3! whee!)
3. a drive to borders to get more books for me.
4. burger king for light snacks- fries and turkey bacon for us 3.
5. simpang bedok, but what we wanted wasn't there so drove again...
6. and landed on siglap street coffee club.
7. had mud pie, brownies with ice- cream and some ice- cream profiterole thingy called mount kilimanjaro.
8. feel bloated and fat. sit there high on cappucino ice cream and oreo crust and sing malaysian national anthem complete with elaborate pratriotic gestures. and dramatic drum rolls.
9. drive around some more, land in clarke quay, by the river. sit and yak. stamp your feet when chelsea scores against charlton.
10. walk back to car...
11. drive back to adam road for one last mutton chop and mutton soup.
12. finally call it a day and drive back. home. aah.
looooooooong day.
but i had a blast of course. as for tomorrow, to ruz's sister's wedding we go, then a man u vs liverpool match for me and the maplek.
as i told hana, THIS could make or break us. if man u wins someone is gonna have a lonelyyyy birthday.
yup, the indian one turns 21 this monday. :))
so for his own sake, liverpool better win tomorrow. and i will be wearing black, to exude some form of neutrality. if he wears a man u jersey he's gonna have a loooooooong sunday evening. haha.
oh
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: okay
(AM 02:49) Me: any other issues to bring up?
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:49) SuReSh: sounds like a meeting with an agenda and all
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: "ok next on the agenda is..."
(AM 02:50) Me: ya la
(AM 02:50) Me: so many points!
(AM 02:50) Me: hahaha
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: is anyone taking minutes?
(AM 02:50) Me: a secretary
(AM 02:50) Me: taking minutes
(AM 02:50) Me: would have a migraine
(AM 02:50) Me: haha no one
(AM 02:50) Me: they gave up
(AM 02:50) Me: the last one left at the bouncing bit (i was high, i said i wanted to bounce, i made him bounce along, etc, don't bother comprehending)
(AM 02:50) SuReSh: hahaha
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: so all points discussed from that point on are null and void?
(AM 02:51) Me: well they wont show on company report
(AM 02:51) Me: nothing we can do abt that
(AM 02:51) Me: *shrugs
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: whoa*
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: we have a company now?
(AM 02:51) Me: we're going downnnnnnnnnnn
(AM 02:51) Me: then got meeting for what?
(AM 02:51) Me: happy happy meeting
(AM 02:51) SuReSh: haha
(AM 02:52) SuReSh: ok la got company
(AM 02:52) SuReSh: what's the company's name?
(AM 02:52) Me: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(AM 02:53) Me: the nehnehpok maplek pte ltd
(AM 02:53) SuReSh: oei
(AM 02:53) Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
(AM 02:53) Me: I LIKE!
(AM 02:53) Me: you like?
(AM 02:53) Me: :D
(AM 02:53) SuReSh: NO!!!!
(AM 02:53) Me: :(
(AM 02:54) SuReSh: im 50% partner and so got half the say!!
(AM 02:54) Me: thennnn
(AM 02:54) Me: u got better name?
(AM 02:54) SuReSh: thinking...
(AM 02:55) SuReSh: oh wait
(AM 02:55) SuReSh: what does the company DO???
(AM 02:55) Me: ummmm
(AM 02:55) Me: its a consultant agency!
(AM 02:56) Me: like if u wanna choose a place to go eat watch movie watch soccer etc (we happen to argue alot over this; where to eat/ go/ etc; no we don't fight over a place, we fight over who should think and decide)
(AM 02:56) Me: we will provide suggestions
(AM 02:56) SuReSh: hahahah
(AM 02:56) Me: its a SERVICE ORIENTED company!
(AM 02:56) Me: booming industry, i heard
(AM 02:56) SuReSh: and with a name like that im sure u'll reel in the big bucks
(AM 02:57) Me: ok la ok la
(AM 02:57) Me: ummmm
(AM 02:57) Me: the fat maplek consultancy?
(AM 02:57) SuReSh: wha lau
(AM 02:57) SuReSh: i give up la
(AM 02:57) Me: whyyyyyyyyyy
(AM 02:57) Me: you dont like meeeeeeeeeeeeee
(AM 02:58) Me: boooooooooooooooooooooo
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: haha
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: ok im too tired to think of a name now
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: but i will think of one eventually
(AM 02:58) Me: cannot
(AM 02:58) Me: tmr must register company name
(AM 02:58) SuReSh: till then u can have ur interim name
(AM 02:58) Me: thheeet.
(AM 02:59) SuReSh: thheet?
(AM 02:59) Me: theeeeeet.
(AM 02:59) Me: as in the buzzer sound
(AM 02:59) Me: too late!
(AM 02:59) SuReSh: oh ok
(AM 03:00) Me: ya so fat maplek it is.
(AM 03:00) Me: :D
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: haha
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: so it is
(AM 03:00) SuReSh: but can apply for name change
(AM 03:00) Me: :(
(AM 03:01) Me: you dont like it.
(AM 03:01) Me: you dont like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(AM 03:01) Me: you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: hahahah
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: okok
(AM 03:01) SuReSh: fat maplek consultancy pte ltd it is
so if you ever need our services, do give us a ring. fat maplek consultancy will be more than happy to assist you. :D
ok now i shall sleep. and tomorrow i shall meet lesbonbon and maplek. oh BTW big achi ruz, if you read this- the apek apologizes cuz he can't come. got driving prac at 2 la. big achi la, cuz now i small achi, cuz i achi by relation, you achi by blood. haha! ok sorry.
my friends need proper names man. examples (real name in parenthesis): lesbonbon (hana), cheena minah (nydia), chief minah (sara), maplek (suresh), apek (hafiz), dizzie (hafiz), achi (ruz), bulu (farhan), sheila majid (azri), banana (farhana; ok this makes some sense)... NONE (technically) MAKES SENSE! OH MY GOD.
tis' a milestone today my friends, when it finally dawns on me the weirdness that has infiltrated my life in silence for years.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
met all the people i wanted to meet today so i'm a happy girl.
cousin is here so gonna spend time chatting with him now. and my digibaby's gone bonkers! i can't take pictures i don't know whyyyy.
tis' a good life still.
have a great weekend, y'all.
cousin is here so gonna spend time chatting with him now. and my digibaby's gone bonkers! i can't take pictures i don't know whyyyy.
tis' a good life still.
have a great weekend, y'all.
Friday, September 16, 2005
to err is human; to spout nonsense is fiza
today is declared a good day. school- classes were good. time was FUN! i finally discussed my ideas. it felt good. after school was lunch/ dinner with maplek at secret recipe; tom yam kung! MMMM. then the longest yard at plaza singapura.
its a damn funny movie, and later we went into an analytical discussion on the presentation of death in comedies. cuz i thought it was interesting how they managed to slot in a death into the comedy; and yet we came out relatively unscathed by it. and i realized its cuz 1- the dying itself, the scene, was pretty short hence letting you feel little emotion. it was given minimal screentime and more importantly we saw how the guy got hurt but we never saw the wounds and him on deathbed. and 2 is probably cuz the humoured the death itself, in the scene when the convicts placed stuff on the coffin. for someone who has teared at every possible deaths in a movie she has seen, this was a first. suresh's point was just that its pretty much a first for death to be presented in comedy. true.
but the movie is good! watch it.
and i also think due to its MTV roots, the production focuses alot on boobs and arse. i mean its normal for hollywood to have hot women in their movies. but this one consciously presents its objectification of women; twice or thrice the cameras focussed on the butt/ chest of a woman. and the 'newscaster' showed even more cleavage than pamela anderson probably did on her wedding day. while i am all for ogling at beauty, this 'objective', tongue- in- cheek portrayal of women as physical objects gave me a rather bitter aftertaste. one could say its good they're not taking themselves too seriously, and are probably parodying themselves by making such subjecitification blatant but no, i think the blatant subjectification is the very nature of MTV.
its one thing to make fun of yourself, its another thing to make fun of the fact that you're reducing others to a simplistic body part. its not that funny, MTV. i don't like you much. nyeh!
so anyway. mum called and she was in town too!
so we met mum who was at carrefour then us three took the train back.
then home it was.
and i said things i didn't have to say and then backtracked too late. i am sorry. i feel like crap still.
oh! tomorrow my BELOVED COUSINS from port dickson are coming over yay oh yay! don't need to meet them there. i miss them like crazy so this is PERFECT!
and tomorrow also is finally a good day out with the maplek. :)
meeting him in the morning (yes to stretch this time thing) so i better sleep soon. and oh still dunno what to get him for his birthday la! boys are so mafan like that.
240 hours away from nus has begun... tick tock tick tock tick tock.
As now can’t reveal the mystery of tomorrow
But in passing will grow older every day
Just as all is born is new
Do you know what I say is true
That I’ll be loving you always
As; Stevie Wonder
today is declared a good day. school- classes were good. time was FUN! i finally discussed my ideas. it felt good. after school was lunch/ dinner with maplek at secret recipe; tom yam kung! MMMM. then the longest yard at plaza singapura.
its a damn funny movie, and later we went into an analytical discussion on the presentation of death in comedies. cuz i thought it was interesting how they managed to slot in a death into the comedy; and yet we came out relatively unscathed by it. and i realized its cuz 1- the dying itself, the scene, was pretty short hence letting you feel little emotion. it was given minimal screentime and more importantly we saw how the guy got hurt but we never saw the wounds and him on deathbed. and 2 is probably cuz the humoured the death itself, in the scene when the convicts placed stuff on the coffin. for someone who has teared at every possible deaths in a movie she has seen, this was a first. suresh's point was just that its pretty much a first for death to be presented in comedy. true.
but the movie is good! watch it.
and i also think due to its MTV roots, the production focuses alot on boobs and arse. i mean its normal for hollywood to have hot women in their movies. but this one consciously presents its objectification of women; twice or thrice the cameras focussed on the butt/ chest of a woman. and the 'newscaster' showed even more cleavage than pamela anderson probably did on her wedding day. while i am all for ogling at beauty, this 'objective', tongue- in- cheek portrayal of women as physical objects gave me a rather bitter aftertaste. one could say its good they're not taking themselves too seriously, and are probably parodying themselves by making such subjecitification blatant but no, i think the blatant subjectification is the very nature of MTV.
its one thing to make fun of yourself, its another thing to make fun of the fact that you're reducing others to a simplistic body part. its not that funny, MTV. i don't like you much. nyeh!
so anyway. mum called and she was in town too!
so we met mum who was at carrefour then us three took the train back.
then home it was.
and i said things i didn't have to say and then backtracked too late. i am sorry. i feel like crap still.
oh! tomorrow my BELOVED COUSINS from port dickson are coming over yay oh yay! don't need to meet them there. i miss them like crazy so this is PERFECT!
and tomorrow also is finally a good day out with the maplek. :)
meeting him in the morning (yes to stretch this time thing) so i better sleep soon. and oh still dunno what to get him for his birthday la! boys are so mafan like that.
240 hours away from nus has begun... tick tock tick tock tick tock.
As now can’t reveal the mystery of tomorrow
But in passing will grow older every day
Just as all is born is new
Do you know what I say is true
That I’ll be loving you always
As; Stevie Wonder
there are some things that cross your mind you don't have to tell others.
but then again if you're fiza, anything that crosses your mind you spill.
to very, very, undesirable effect.
i'm sorry.
i wish i could take back my words.
now isn't that a first.
but i can't and it hurt and i know that it was unecessary since it meant nothing at that time and now then i shouldn't have said it but...
ni mulut kene ade filter paper la.
but then again if you're fiza, anything that crosses your mind you spill.
to very, very, undesirable effect.
i'm sorry.
i wish i could take back my words.
now isn't that a first.
but i can't and it hurt and i know that it was unecessary since it meant nothing at that time and now then i shouldn't have said it but...
ni mulut kene ade filter paper la.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
last thing a girl needs is an aching butt
i've resolved my innovations class issue somehow... :) thanks for all who assisted and for all who put up with sudden bawling fiza who wants to quit school cuz she can't make a speaker. i'm pathetic like that i know. special mention of course to hafiz for being such a saviour.
the day wasn't too bad in actual fact. i slept for 1.5 hours, got up for class, sat through it alert, crashed diz's and maplek's lecture, still alert, then lunched with maplek at nuh delifrance, still alert. then he left and i trudged down to LT12 for a 4- 6 p.m. lecture... much much less alert.
but i managed to stay awake for most of it and god bless the old lady, we ended more than 30 minutes earlier. diz drove me down to bishan as usual, and i got onto the train to sembawang for my tuition. got my pay so that's something to smile about.
tuition ended, and i took the train back, stopping at popular for stationery shopping, optician for contact lense solution, and kfc for popcorn chicken.
THEN i was finally HOME. at 9 p.m. exactly.
and then i had all my panic attacks and whatever nots over my apparent failure as an undergrad. but i got a grip of it.
tomorrow i shall have double tuition cuz i don't want to teach on friday. i want a PROPER break. so tomorrow is last day of school for me, at least till next next monday, the 26th. this of course disregards the fact that i have to go back to school for a make- up tutorial on thursday. but that's ok. i still got my friday- sunday break. that's a 10 day break, and much deserved too, thank you. BEACH BEACH I WANT BEACH! and many many other things. i will of course, also be a kunyiang nus- usp student and use this precious time to catch up on readings, read up on for term papers and prepare for midterm tests.
but a break is a break is a break and i deserve this one. school has been hellish this past few weeks. closer we get to midsem break, the hotter the flames.
i'm wondering if a KL trip would be too much. since my next friday is free... hmm? you think? we shall see.
i miss spending proper time with the maplek. school is always a rush for me and him. and when in school we're just friends so its different. yea we have 'modes'. haha. i like it, cuz it makes life easier. but then it makes it more apparent that we don't get to spend much time together just hanging out and that leads to me missing us hanging out and might lead to the weirder more bizarre occurence of me missing him even when i just saw him.
i'm talking in circles. just. like. an. HEHEHE.
no racist jokes. seditious! i think that's a very funny word. but mostly cuz i'm high right now. i managed to clear my eliade reading! i rock balls la.
was photocopying the eliade text just now in the library with the maplek and dizzie flanking me like bodyguards.
dizzie: eh put the paper beside the book la wait come out got black- black.
fiza: never mind la i like black...
fiza maplek dizzie: HAHAHA.
apparently its not right to scheme new ways to murder your boyfriend everyday and to test it out on a daily basis. but i derive so much joy from it. how liddat?
in other news, mum has given me a packet of chocolate cookies. thank you.
my butt aches, my back aches, my thighs ache and my left knee is cut. oh touch rugby i love thee so.
and i walk like a penguin. for now.
and me and dizzie saw a man on his bike sitting with his knees pointing out! like his thighs formed this perfect 180 degrees straight LINE! cool shit. must have been listening to raggae on his iPod mini la. those stuck out knees were bopping!
not too bad day tomorrow, 12- 4, then double tuition. day should end at say; 9ish? home at about ten. good enough for me.
cuz then it'll be a nice long break. once again, ignoring make- up tutorial and possible rugby training; let me bask in the dawning of a new era- called 240 hours without NUS. yay!
i've resolved my innovations class issue somehow... :) thanks for all who assisted and for all who put up with sudden bawling fiza who wants to quit school cuz she can't make a speaker. i'm pathetic like that i know. special mention of course to hafiz for being such a saviour.
the day wasn't too bad in actual fact. i slept for 1.5 hours, got up for class, sat through it alert, crashed diz's and maplek's lecture, still alert, then lunched with maplek at nuh delifrance, still alert. then he left and i trudged down to LT12 for a 4- 6 p.m. lecture... much much less alert.
but i managed to stay awake for most of it and god bless the old lady, we ended more than 30 minutes earlier. diz drove me down to bishan as usual, and i got onto the train to sembawang for my tuition. got my pay so that's something to smile about.
tuition ended, and i took the train back, stopping at popular for stationery shopping, optician for contact lense solution, and kfc for popcorn chicken.
THEN i was finally HOME. at 9 p.m. exactly.
and then i had all my panic attacks and whatever nots over my apparent failure as an undergrad. but i got a grip of it.
tomorrow i shall have double tuition cuz i don't want to teach on friday. i want a PROPER break. so tomorrow is last day of school for me, at least till next next monday, the 26th. this of course disregards the fact that i have to go back to school for a make- up tutorial on thursday. but that's ok. i still got my friday- sunday break. that's a 10 day break, and much deserved too, thank you. BEACH BEACH I WANT BEACH! and many many other things. i will of course, also be a kunyiang nus- usp student and use this precious time to catch up on readings, read up on for term papers and prepare for midterm tests.
but a break is a break is a break and i deserve this one. school has been hellish this past few weeks. closer we get to midsem break, the hotter the flames.
i'm wondering if a KL trip would be too much. since my next friday is free... hmm? you think? we shall see.
i miss spending proper time with the maplek. school is always a rush for me and him. and when in school we're just friends so its different. yea we have 'modes'. haha. i like it, cuz it makes life easier. but then it makes it more apparent that we don't get to spend much time together just hanging out and that leads to me missing us hanging out and might lead to the weirder more bizarre occurence of me missing him even when i just saw him.
i'm talking in circles. just. like. an. HEHEHE.
no racist jokes. seditious! i think that's a very funny word. but mostly cuz i'm high right now. i managed to clear my eliade reading! i rock balls la.
was photocopying the eliade text just now in the library with the maplek and dizzie flanking me like bodyguards.
dizzie: eh put the paper beside the book la wait come out got black- black.
fiza: never mind la i like black...
fiza maplek dizzie: HAHAHA.
apparently its not right to scheme new ways to murder your boyfriend everyday and to test it out on a daily basis. but i derive so much joy from it. how liddat?
in other news, mum has given me a packet of chocolate cookies. thank you.
my butt aches, my back aches, my thighs ache and my left knee is cut. oh touch rugby i love thee so.
and i walk like a penguin. for now.
and me and dizzie saw a man on his bike sitting with his knees pointing out! like his thighs formed this perfect 180 degrees straight LINE! cool shit. must have been listening to raggae on his iPod mini la. those stuck out knees were bopping!
not too bad day tomorrow, 12- 4, then double tuition. day should end at say; 9ish? home at about ten. good enough for me.
cuz then it'll be a nice long break. once again, ignoring make- up tutorial and possible rugby training; let me bask in the dawning of a new era- called 240 hours without NUS. yay!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
this is for you.
I have seen peace, I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
I have seen birth, I have seen death
Lived to see a lover's final breath
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend, I'll cry on your shoulder
You're a friend
You and I have been through many things
I'll hold on to your heart
I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart
I have seen fear. I have seen faith
Seen the look of anger on your face
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
Cry; James Blunt
i've done nothing to deserve you, i turn to you only when shit happens, i'm the most ungrateful human to have entered your life; but thank god and everything else up above, that you're here.
my very own personalized angel on earth.
I have seen peace, I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
I have seen birth, I have seen death
Lived to see a lover's final breath
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend, I'll cry on your shoulder
You're a friend
You and I have been through many things
I'll hold on to your heart
I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart
I have seen fear. I have seen faith
Seen the look of anger on your face
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend
Cry; James Blunt
i've done nothing to deserve you, i turn to you only when shit happens, i'm the most ungrateful human to have entered your life; but thank god and everything else up above, that you're here.
my very own personalized angel on earth.
i feel so pathetic and i just want to slump and cry.
i can't do this. i don't know how the hell to make a speaker or a radio or a telephone or a ANYTHING out of this metal shit with wires sticking out of it.
i feel like shit.
i hate science.
i can't do this. i don't know how the hell to make a speaker or a radio or a telephone or a ANYTHING out of this metal shit with wires sticking out of it.
i feel like shit.
i hate science.
as my msn nick now says,
oh my holy bloody fucking macaroni shit i have no idea what to present tomorrow.
yes it is week 6 of innovations class and i think we're supposed to make a speaker or a microphone tomorrow. like what in the name of blue cows are you on about?!!?!?!?
STRESS STRESS STRESS.
cannot make it la. cannot. everyday like this can die. i'll have a heart attack in year 3 and a stroke in year 4 and graduate with first class honours in a freaking wheelchair.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
oh my holy bloody fucking macaroni shit i have no idea what to present tomorrow.
yes it is week 6 of innovations class and i think we're supposed to make a speaker or a microphone tomorrow. like what in the name of blue cows are you on about?!!?!?!?
STRESS STRESS STRESS.
cannot make it la. cannot. everyday like this can die. i'll have a heart attack in year 3 and a stroke in year 4 and graduate with first class honours in a freaking wheelchair.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
so.
they won.
but damn i hate it when they fall apart like that. poor poor second half. somehow the defense just broke down. and not too happy that gerrard had to be brought in. not like he managed to do much. same for cisse. but still. if you wanna prove critics wrong then stick to it. but granted, the magic was brought on in the first half without riise, cisse and gerrard. and that's good for now.
off the top of my head; xabi alonso, luis garcia, reina, crouch (good buy by the way, beniboy) and carragher, of course.
hyppia wasn't too bad too. i'd say it was all pretty good...
BUT. sissoko. WHAT la dude, WHAT. what you doing. so annoying la see his arms and legs flailing around everywhere. and if my memory serves me right he conceded most of the free kicks in the second half. and maybe traore too. but ya. sissoko is sloppy. but he's young. but ughhh.
ok never mind.
reina is great though. somehow i imagined if it was still jerzy dudek in those goalposts, tonight's score might be very different. though i won't deny him of his stunning performance in the finals in turkey.
and is it just me or are spaniards more dramatic? haha. like, english players are less prone to diving and dramatic clutching of ______________ (fill in preferable body part). can't quite remember names, but a few in real betis (i know there's spaniards in liverpool too but allow me) today did quite dramatic dives and one even clutched his face. when carragher's (i think) foot barely reached his forearm. pui. dramadude did this super theatric fall to his knees and held his face for like seconds; whereby i guess he himself realized how unreal that seemed cuz no one was reacting. even the fans who went chaotic for a bit when he went down were silenced as he looked up and got up. haha. silly.
and WHAT is this? real madrid lost! hahaha. to olympique lyon in france. whoa whoa whoa. 3- 0, last i heard. BOO YA. i think real's going down... really. pretty sad, seeing how they have all this big names. weird. then again zidane didn't play. he's like the gerrard of that team. which is silly though, cuz a team like that don't need a talisman. ac milan got a 3- 0 against fenerbache, inter milan got 1-0 against artmedia, rangers beat porto in a see- saw match ending in 3-2, chelsea narrowly beat anderlecht with a single goal from lampard. oooh and olympiakos lost to rosenborg, 3- 0.
real betis was indeed underestimated. to be fair, liverpool dominated the first half. but by second half, ball posession was 70 -30, in favour of real betis. impressive. what i dread though is the chelsea- liverpool (set for 28/9) clash. oh and how can i forget. the liverpool- man u match coming up this sunday, which just might lead to a break- up with the maplek (a red devil, what else). timely too, seeing his birthday is just the next day. haha. (which brings me this dreaded point: what to get him? gahhh.)
there's barcelona, bayern, ajax and juventus matches tomorrow but they're showing the man u- villareal match instead. HARUMPH. but i'm watching it anyway. like i said, you take what little soccer you can get when you're cable- less like me.
but that was worth staying up for la. though i was damn shagged from touch training. and i have class at 10 later. hence i am staying awake till then. guess whoooo is sleeping during her lunch break tomorrow?
but it was worth it. OH forgot one more name. frenchie; florent sinama- pongolle. scored in the first 2 minutes. cool hair too. and while sissoko looked like he was drowning in his drenched jersey, sinama- pongolle was surprisingly bone dry at the end of the match. i bet those armpits know no body odour. aaah. he looks cute. yay! but i still loyal to you la gerrard and garcia. wo ai ni forever. second goal was of course by my dear luis garcia la THEN. har har har.
and i wonder why in blue heavens they can't perform in the EPL. so i've decided to resign to the fate that this season EPL cup is out of the reds' hands again.
i think i will support charlton athletic. haha. eh they not bad okay. the darren bent guy is pretty good. they beat middlesbrough who won ARSENAL 2- 1. hahaha! and they won against wigan athletic too; THAT team gave chelsea quite the hell for a full 89 minutes before crespo's silly little mistake of a goal few weeks back. and of course they won sunderland when liverpool only managed to draw with the same team. pah.
oh and i don't mind spurs too. now got edgar davids, their game's getting more exciting. and there's jermaine defoe there too... hmm hmm.
if i talk anymore about soccer either i will start frothing at the mouth in excitement or you will drool out your mouth in boredom.
so i shall go surf some porn ( i hope to god you all know this is a joke cuz if you don't then god save your poor naive soul) till maybe six- ish or so, then go for a run, shower, eat breakfast, then off to school i am. yesyes. what a plan.
;) and of course,
You'll Never Walk Alone.
they won.
but damn i hate it when they fall apart like that. poor poor second half. somehow the defense just broke down. and not too happy that gerrard had to be brought in. not like he managed to do much. same for cisse. but still. if you wanna prove critics wrong then stick to it. but granted, the magic was brought on in the first half without riise, cisse and gerrard. and that's good for now.
off the top of my head; xabi alonso, luis garcia, reina, crouch (good buy by the way, beniboy) and carragher, of course.
hyppia wasn't too bad too. i'd say it was all pretty good...
BUT. sissoko. WHAT la dude, WHAT. what you doing. so annoying la see his arms and legs flailing around everywhere. and if my memory serves me right he conceded most of the free kicks in the second half. and maybe traore too. but ya. sissoko is sloppy. but he's young. but ughhh.
ok never mind.
reina is great though. somehow i imagined if it was still jerzy dudek in those goalposts, tonight's score might be very different. though i won't deny him of his stunning performance in the finals in turkey.
and is it just me or are spaniards more dramatic? haha. like, english players are less prone to diving and dramatic clutching of ______________ (fill in preferable body part). can't quite remember names, but a few in real betis (i know there's spaniards in liverpool too but allow me) today did quite dramatic dives and one even clutched his face. when carragher's (i think) foot barely reached his forearm. pui. dramadude did this super theatric fall to his knees and held his face for like seconds; whereby i guess he himself realized how unreal that seemed cuz no one was reacting. even the fans who went chaotic for a bit when he went down were silenced as he looked up and got up. haha. silly.
and WHAT is this? real madrid lost! hahaha. to olympique lyon in france. whoa whoa whoa. 3- 0, last i heard. BOO YA. i think real's going down... really. pretty sad, seeing how they have all this big names. weird. then again zidane didn't play. he's like the gerrard of that team. which is silly though, cuz a team like that don't need a talisman. ac milan got a 3- 0 against fenerbache, inter milan got 1-0 against artmedia, rangers beat porto in a see- saw match ending in 3-2, chelsea narrowly beat anderlecht with a single goal from lampard. oooh and olympiakos lost to rosenborg, 3- 0.
real betis was indeed underestimated. to be fair, liverpool dominated the first half. but by second half, ball posession was 70 -30, in favour of real betis. impressive. what i dread though is the chelsea- liverpool (set for 28/9) clash. oh and how can i forget. the liverpool- man u match coming up this sunday, which just might lead to a break- up with the maplek (a red devil, what else). timely too, seeing his birthday is just the next day. haha. (which brings me this dreaded point: what to get him? gahhh.)
there's barcelona, bayern, ajax and juventus matches tomorrow but they're showing the man u- villareal match instead. HARUMPH. but i'm watching it anyway. like i said, you take what little soccer you can get when you're cable- less like me.
but that was worth staying up for la. though i was damn shagged from touch training. and i have class at 10 later. hence i am staying awake till then. guess whoooo is sleeping during her lunch break tomorrow?
but it was worth it. OH forgot one more name. frenchie; florent sinama- pongolle. scored in the first 2 minutes. cool hair too. and while sissoko looked like he was drowning in his drenched jersey, sinama- pongolle was surprisingly bone dry at the end of the match. i bet those armpits know no body odour. aaah. he looks cute. yay! but i still loyal to you la gerrard and garcia. wo ai ni forever. second goal was of course by my dear luis garcia la THEN. har har har.
and i wonder why in blue heavens they can't perform in the EPL. so i've decided to resign to the fate that this season EPL cup is out of the reds' hands again.
i think i will support charlton athletic. haha. eh they not bad okay. the darren bent guy is pretty good. they beat middlesbrough who won ARSENAL 2- 1. hahaha! and they won against wigan athletic too; THAT team gave chelsea quite the hell for a full 89 minutes before crespo's silly little mistake of a goal few weeks back. and of course they won sunderland when liverpool only managed to draw with the same team. pah.
oh and i don't mind spurs too. now got edgar davids, their game's getting more exciting. and there's jermaine defoe there too... hmm hmm.
if i talk anymore about soccer either i will start frothing at the mouth in excitement or you will drool out your mouth in boredom.
so i shall go surf some porn ( i hope to god you all know this is a joke cuz if you don't then god save your poor naive soul) till maybe six- ish or so, then go for a run, shower, eat breakfast, then off to school i am. yesyes. what a plan.
;) and of course,
You'll Never Walk Alone.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
i poke, you're the pokee
today got soccer. liverpool vs real betis. finally. i tell you once i get my own pad first thing i do is get a hugeass flat screen tv and CABLE. wah lao. channel 5 plays MINIMAL live soccer matches. drives me nuts.
but HEY i shan't complain. i'll take what i can get for now.
so today was soci tutorial where i learnt how to search LINC for relevant journal articles. very useful indeed! in those few hours i formulated a rough idea for my term paper already. so happy.
i only like sociology. really. and history. can i not do anything else? so mafan you know. relativity. electromagnetism. physics. ACK.
highlight of today is of course touch rugby training. i miss it like CRAZY! sometimes i wish i had joined some sports club but i'm so not a club- person. commitment- phobe that i am. i can't stick to anything, so why bother.
so inter- fac games suits me just fine. for a few weeks in the middle of a semester, we train then we go play the tournament then wah- hey, over. i like that. then next sem comes and we do it again. so a few weeks in the middle of a semester, i feel like a healthy, haughty, yaya papaya jock. yay me.
so back to the entire day yes. so soci tutorial was in the library. 6th floor, mind you. and at the start of the class the lecturer warned us its gonna be a marathon cuz we got fire drill at 3.15 p.m. but HUSHHHH its supposed to be a secret. but we knew la. so at 3.15 i was like, EHHH. where.
then 3.40- ish. FULL BLAST. GOD that thing is LOUD. which of course serves its purpose to ALARM everyone in the event of a REAL fire but this is a FAKE alarm so can't you use a FAKE alarm or at least lower the volume abit? damn loud la.
and i know the whole "recreate the event" thing but please la. we KNOW its a fake alarm. so no matter how LOUD it is we're not going to move faster, nosirree, we'll just complain and whine alot and cover our ears when we near the clanging bells.
so me and the dizzie one went down the steps as per normal. the lecturer did tell us not to go down by the stairs, not go through 5th floor etc. dizzie: "then what? jump?"
nooo. we got down to 5th floor alright (yeah we cheated, along with half the entire student population in the library), then this librarian started ushering us to use the FIRE EXIT.
ahh. so that's what they want us to use. tiny problem would be?
hmm. hundreds of students? aaaaaaaand a staircase width narrower than 2 able- bodied men standing side by side. heck me and dizzie could barely stood side by side! so technically if it was a real fire, we would all have burnt to our charred deaths cuz hey, it was so congested, we spent much time standing around. human traffic jam. also, in the panic, there might be a stampede in the rushed frenzy within extremely confined space. so people might die too. PLUS as the side wall is so low, we might also fall to our deaths in the rush. even if we're not in a hurry, all it takes is for one freak to panic and shove one fella aside in his delirious state and, whoops, bye- bye dude, fall to your death you will due to the low walls.
AND right at the bottom of the stairs, when you think you've reached SAFETY, there is a CONSTRUCTION SITE. yes. so just when you think the ordeal is over- miss a footing, trip a step, accidentally push someone, and one unlucky dude might land in a, i dunno, pile of sand and cement at best, or a bag of nails at worst. and due to this construction site too, even if you fall out from said stairs due to low walls at a low height, you might still die cuz you can fall on any of these fantastic tools of construction or better, that sharp zinc edge of the temporary walls covering the site area might slice you into two (length or width- wise? decide before fall, thank you) like a bad B- grade horror movie. :D
and while this is irrelevant in the case of a real fire, cuz then the construction workers would have fleed as well, what is also annoying about today's drill would be a bunch of banglas in hard hats grinning in amusement as a bunch of kids trudge down tiny steps, clearly built without intention as a fire exit.
i hope any nus officials who chance upon this (like how the hell did they but hey disclaimers won't kill) will not sue me for defaming nus cuz actually i didn't, i'm just stating the facts and possibilities. so you might take this into consideration next time you consider building a spanking new shiny university hall... hey, what about safer fire exits first hey? so that, you know, we won't die escaping death in a burning library. just a thought. :)
then again if you got to go; you got to go.
very ethical issue this is. so anyhows after all THAT was an hour crashing suresh's history lecture (ooh eye candy in red alert! malay freshie, tough bod, not metro, not gay, hopefully not attached) and i left at the break to go for TOUCH RUGBY!
very fun. long time since i played and as always touch brings out the man in me. i start grunting and umm, BELLOWING out instructions. "i want the ball NOWWWW!" "beHIND me!" "WHERE'S MY DUMMY?!!?" "LEFT LEFT LEFTTTT!" "BACK FIVE!!! ALIBABA you are OFFSIDE!" ya. but all in good spirit!
touch ended and i changed up and met the maplek and we went to chua chu kang to get mail from the old place. ahh. felt surreal walking down the path again. don't miss it though. i am happy where i am. but oh to walk down that lane and to sit in the void deck for a bit just like old times (with older boyfriends, haha) was nice. :)
dinner- ed at macs where the maplek discovered my anal habits when eating. actually it applies (mostly) to mcD's stuff. but i will elaborate on that another time.
we discussed our roles in the relationship in the train ride back hence the title. cuz i like to poke and tickle and punch and pinch him. and today, as always, i did just that. and he reacted, and i rolled my eyes and went, "wah lao get used to it can!"
haha. yes cuz that's his role in the relationship. i'm the pincher, he's the pinched. the puncher, the punched. the tickler, the tickled. the poker, the pok...ee? that's what he said. i said PO- KED. which is worse. i guess. pokee it is.
then i told him to get into the role, cuz that's what its for! but he refuses! i poked him again and he reacted again and i said, "WAH LAO! damn slow can!" and when he tried to interrupt me in the midst of role assigning (to point out how unfair it was), i said, "eh shut up la." "......" "oh wow that was so rude! haha!" "........." "hmm, yup i think its fair." before he said a word. justified what. seriously people should assign roles early in the relationship and stick to their roles in the relationship. then its easier. ok never mind.
but just as well. SURESH, GET USED TO IT CUZ THE POKING AIN'T GONNA STOP.
muahahahaha. i shall POKE ALL WHO DISAGREE.
pokepokepoke.
i love having a blog cuz i get to do things i don't get to say in real life.
oh and i like to bite my towel apparently. didn't realize it till he pointed it out today. i am weird like that.
okok i am weird in many ways but that's beside the point.
i'm never gonna shut up. i'm on a rollllllll tonight. rolllllllllllll rooollllllllllllllll rolllllllllllllllllllllllll.
rollllllll over the ocean! rolllllllll over the sea! YOU can a play a part to build a community!
yes, YOU. *points menacing quavering finger*
*pokes your eyeball*
HAHA!
today got soccer. liverpool vs real betis. finally. i tell you once i get my own pad first thing i do is get a hugeass flat screen tv and CABLE. wah lao. channel 5 plays MINIMAL live soccer matches. drives me nuts.
but HEY i shan't complain. i'll take what i can get for now.
so today was soci tutorial where i learnt how to search LINC for relevant journal articles. very useful indeed! in those few hours i formulated a rough idea for my term paper already. so happy.
i only like sociology. really. and history. can i not do anything else? so mafan you know. relativity. electromagnetism. physics. ACK.
highlight of today is of course touch rugby training. i miss it like CRAZY! sometimes i wish i had joined some sports club but i'm so not a club- person. commitment- phobe that i am. i can't stick to anything, so why bother.
so inter- fac games suits me just fine. for a few weeks in the middle of a semester, we train then we go play the tournament then wah- hey, over. i like that. then next sem comes and we do it again. so a few weeks in the middle of a semester, i feel like a healthy, haughty, yaya papaya jock. yay me.
so back to the entire day yes. so soci tutorial was in the library. 6th floor, mind you. and at the start of the class the lecturer warned us its gonna be a marathon cuz we got fire drill at 3.15 p.m. but HUSHHHH its supposed to be a secret. but we knew la. so at 3.15 i was like, EHHH. where.
then 3.40- ish. FULL BLAST. GOD that thing is LOUD. which of course serves its purpose to ALARM everyone in the event of a REAL fire but this is a FAKE alarm so can't you use a FAKE alarm or at least lower the volume abit? damn loud la.
and i know the whole "recreate the event" thing but please la. we KNOW its a fake alarm. so no matter how LOUD it is we're not going to move faster, nosirree, we'll just complain and whine alot and cover our ears when we near the clanging bells.
so me and the dizzie one went down the steps as per normal. the lecturer did tell us not to go down by the stairs, not go through 5th floor etc. dizzie: "then what? jump?"
nooo. we got down to 5th floor alright (yeah we cheated, along with half the entire student population in the library), then this librarian started ushering us to use the FIRE EXIT.
ahh. so that's what they want us to use. tiny problem would be?
hmm. hundreds of students? aaaaaaaand a staircase width narrower than 2 able- bodied men standing side by side. heck me and dizzie could barely stood side by side! so technically if it was a real fire, we would all have burnt to our charred deaths cuz hey, it was so congested, we spent much time standing around. human traffic jam. also, in the panic, there might be a stampede in the rushed frenzy within extremely confined space. so people might die too. PLUS as the side wall is so low, we might also fall to our deaths in the rush. even if we're not in a hurry, all it takes is for one freak to panic and shove one fella aside in his delirious state and, whoops, bye- bye dude, fall to your death you will due to the low walls.
AND right at the bottom of the stairs, when you think you've reached SAFETY, there is a CONSTRUCTION SITE. yes. so just when you think the ordeal is over- miss a footing, trip a step, accidentally push someone, and one unlucky dude might land in a, i dunno, pile of sand and cement at best, or a bag of nails at worst. and due to this construction site too, even if you fall out from said stairs due to low walls at a low height, you might still die cuz you can fall on any of these fantastic tools of construction or better, that sharp zinc edge of the temporary walls covering the site area might slice you into two (length or width- wise? decide before fall, thank you) like a bad B- grade horror movie. :D
and while this is irrelevant in the case of a real fire, cuz then the construction workers would have fleed as well, what is also annoying about today's drill would be a bunch of banglas in hard hats grinning in amusement as a bunch of kids trudge down tiny steps, clearly built without intention as a fire exit.
i hope any nus officials who chance upon this (like how the hell did they but hey disclaimers won't kill) will not sue me for defaming nus cuz actually i didn't, i'm just stating the facts and possibilities. so you might take this into consideration next time you consider building a spanking new shiny university hall... hey, what about safer fire exits first hey? so that, you know, we won't die escaping death in a burning library. just a thought. :)
then again if you got to go; you got to go.
very ethical issue this is. so anyhows after all THAT was an hour crashing suresh's history lecture (ooh eye candy in red alert! malay freshie, tough bod, not metro, not gay, hopefully not attached) and i left at the break to go for TOUCH RUGBY!
very fun. long time since i played and as always touch brings out the man in me. i start grunting and umm, BELLOWING out instructions. "i want the ball NOWWWW!" "beHIND me!" "WHERE'S MY DUMMY?!!?" "LEFT LEFT LEFTTTT!" "BACK FIVE!!! ALIBABA you are OFFSIDE!" ya. but all in good spirit!
touch ended and i changed up and met the maplek and we went to chua chu kang to get mail from the old place. ahh. felt surreal walking down the path again. don't miss it though. i am happy where i am. but oh to walk down that lane and to sit in the void deck for a bit just like old times (with older boyfriends, haha) was nice. :)
dinner- ed at macs where the maplek discovered my anal habits when eating. actually it applies (mostly) to mcD's stuff. but i will elaborate on that another time.
we discussed our roles in the relationship in the train ride back hence the title. cuz i like to poke and tickle and punch and pinch him. and today, as always, i did just that. and he reacted, and i rolled my eyes and went, "wah lao get used to it can!"
haha. yes cuz that's his role in the relationship. i'm the pincher, he's the pinched. the puncher, the punched. the tickler, the tickled. the poker, the pok...ee? that's what he said. i said PO- KED. which is worse. i guess. pokee it is.
then i told him to get into the role, cuz that's what its for! but he refuses! i poked him again and he reacted again and i said, "WAH LAO! damn slow can!" and when he tried to interrupt me in the midst of role assigning (to point out how unfair it was), i said, "eh shut up la." "......" "oh wow that was so rude! haha!" "........." "hmm, yup i think its fair." before he said a word. justified what. seriously people should assign roles early in the relationship and stick to their roles in the relationship. then its easier. ok never mind.
but just as well. SURESH, GET USED TO IT CUZ THE POKING AIN'T GONNA STOP.
muahahahaha. i shall POKE ALL WHO DISAGREE.
pokepokepoke.
i love having a blog cuz i get to do things i don't get to say in real life.
oh and i like to bite my towel apparently. didn't realize it till he pointed it out today. i am weird like that.
okok i am weird in many ways but that's beside the point.
i'm never gonna shut up. i'm on a rollllllll tonight. rolllllllllllll rooollllllllllllllll rolllllllllllllllllllllllll.
rollllllll over the ocean! rolllllllll over the sea! YOU can a play a part to build a community!
yes, YOU. *points menacing quavering finger*
*pokes your eyeball*
HAHA!
Monday, September 12, 2005
not this one
it was still early evening, but the sky was as dark as the dawning of dusk.
she wondered if it was worth it, all this pain and loss.
he stood there before her, almost an illusion, a figment. his mouth opened and closed orderly, spouting thoughts, formulating sentences, but they were just words. noise. sound vibrations that reached her ears but never got to her consciousness. his words float in the air, sound vibrations that became tactile and filled the air with little purpose.
she wondered if it was possible to end it, if that was even an option. she knew the answer without asking yet she pondered, hoping beyond hope.
they walked. they will meet again later. she walked. she sees faces, many faces. faces of people- laughing, talking, pointing, staring. do they see me? am i even here at all?
hours passed. they meet. they talk. words. just words. what does it matter what you say as long as its what they want to hear?
it was getting dark. it was only a few hours past noon. the world mourns, she thought.
there's so much she wants to say but no one seemed to be able to hear her. so many voices ringing out loud, shouting across voids, bellowing out for more and more attention. she can't compete. so she keeps quiet.
the silence rang out loud in her head, echoing more and more emptiness. with every moment of silence, it resided in her cognition, not stagnant; pregnant as it was with emptiness, it spread, self- multiplying itself into a mutilating echo of eternal silence; a mutated resonance of words unspoken.
time passed, as naturally as breathing comes to one. home. the thought of this echoes, no longer bringing the same joyous reverberations of past.
lightning. thunder. drops of water. gusts of wind. the sky was ripped apart and now its tears courses down the face of earth.
there was shelter, for a while. she walked in cozy solitude while others around her flurried. umbrellas, newspapers, raincoats, everyone seeks protection from god's great gift.
she neared the end of the shelter. time to step in the open. time to feel the rain.
she stepped onto the open grounds and...
nothing.
she looked around. gray mist. cool breeze. big puddles. but no, no rain.
the red of the traffic light like coagulated blood floating in a magical wonderland of misty vapor. the glow of the streetlights, headlamps, reflected on roads, lights dragged out further than it should.
the crisp, clear sound of rubber on wet gravel. trickling tunes of the underground. laughter of children running carelessly, heads tilted up, gratified by the tears of heaven that was.
she walked under a tree. just as the wind caught hold of a drop on a leaf, and it dripped down.
the raindrop caught onto her eyelash... and she paused.
but physics won over any romantic notions, and its own weight and gravity pulled it down.
it fell on her cheek. a single wet stain.
a teardrop of nature.
there'll be no rainbows after this one, she knew. but there'll be sunshine tomorrow.
it was still early evening, but the sky was as dark as the dawning of dusk.
she wondered if it was worth it, all this pain and loss.
he stood there before her, almost an illusion, a figment. his mouth opened and closed orderly, spouting thoughts, formulating sentences, but they were just words. noise. sound vibrations that reached her ears but never got to her consciousness. his words float in the air, sound vibrations that became tactile and filled the air with little purpose.
she wondered if it was possible to end it, if that was even an option. she knew the answer without asking yet she pondered, hoping beyond hope.
they walked. they will meet again later. she walked. she sees faces, many faces. faces of people- laughing, talking, pointing, staring. do they see me? am i even here at all?
hours passed. they meet. they talk. words. just words. what does it matter what you say as long as its what they want to hear?
it was getting dark. it was only a few hours past noon. the world mourns, she thought.
there's so much she wants to say but no one seemed to be able to hear her. so many voices ringing out loud, shouting across voids, bellowing out for more and more attention. she can't compete. so she keeps quiet.
the silence rang out loud in her head, echoing more and more emptiness. with every moment of silence, it resided in her cognition, not stagnant; pregnant as it was with emptiness, it spread, self- multiplying itself into a mutilating echo of eternal silence; a mutated resonance of words unspoken.
time passed, as naturally as breathing comes to one. home. the thought of this echoes, no longer bringing the same joyous reverberations of past.
lightning. thunder. drops of water. gusts of wind. the sky was ripped apart and now its tears courses down the face of earth.
there was shelter, for a while. she walked in cozy solitude while others around her flurried. umbrellas, newspapers, raincoats, everyone seeks protection from god's great gift.
she neared the end of the shelter. time to step in the open. time to feel the rain.
she stepped onto the open grounds and...
nothing.
she looked around. gray mist. cool breeze. big puddles. but no, no rain.
the red of the traffic light like coagulated blood floating in a magical wonderland of misty vapor. the glow of the streetlights, headlamps, reflected on roads, lights dragged out further than it should.
the crisp, clear sound of rubber on wet gravel. trickling tunes of the underground. laughter of children running carelessly, heads tilted up, gratified by the tears of heaven that was.
she walked under a tree. just as the wind caught hold of a drop on a leaf, and it dripped down.
the raindrop caught onto her eyelash... and she paused.
but physics won over any romantic notions, and its own weight and gravity pulled it down.
it fell on her cheek. a single wet stain.
a teardrop of nature.
there'll be no rainbows after this one, she knew. but there'll be sunshine tomorrow.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
uncertainties
everyday i tell myself, fiza, he's not your type, he's nothing like the rest, stop liking him, this is pointless... but its unstoppable.
and everyday you say something, do something, look at me a certain way to make it ever harder to just not grip tighter next time you lock fingers with me.
it gives me a warm glow... how you gently but surely take my hand when we walk, how naturally we just seem to reach out across centimetres of air and let our fingers twine and lock.
i like looking at you and seeing you smile down at me through that forest of lashes. hehe. i enjoy the comfort of just talking to you and knowing you're listening. everyday you surprise me with the new things you notice about me.
i like your quiet observing look. i like the fact that you watch me. when you think i'm not looking at you.
i like how you say, "hmm?" and tilt your head down a little when you can't hear something i say. i like how we could just sit there and i took out my boring- as- hell text and read it there and you still just held my hand and watched. and made it fun. and made me smile. made me laugh.
i like how jarringly different everything seems to be and yet, how everything seems to fit and fall into place. i like how we just be ourselves with ourselves.
and this can end today, tomorrow, next week, next month. this most probably won't go anywhere. but yet that isn't enough to make walk away and leave this uncertain thing we share.
slowly and surely you crept right in... wormed your way through, despite all my insecurities and doubt of us.
when i forget all else, when i just be in the present and enjoy what i hold close, it feels fantastic. it feels like i'm floating. with you i just feel.
and sometimes its scary cuz i know we can't go anywhere. so why do we bother with these things?
its wonderful how you always always find my hand. amusing how you always play with my knuckles with your fingers. how we tickle palms. how you draw imaginary maps across my palm.
i like how you laugh with me, at me, for me.
i like how you look at me and i know everything you want to say cuz its always there, in your eyes.
i like how you hold my hand under the table, across the table, on top of your bag, side by side.
and how you stroke my fingers.
i like how you tilt your head down to listen in to what i have to say.
i like how you smile at me.
i like how you look at me, gently, and you don't say a word. i like how you gaze at me when you think i'm not aware.
i like how you reach for my hands. i like how your big hands seem to wrap my hand entirely.
i like how i feel so lost in you.
its everything i want it be.
and i knew with that i could not turn back. i could not think of a day without having you in it, without putting my head on your chest, without looking up at you, without hearing you laugh at me, without seeing that annoyed glint in your eye when i do something dangerously silly like jaywalking.
and it is all so new and so foreign and so different and so scary and so uncertain and so unwelcomed by everyone.
but i know as long as you want to hold my hand, i want to hold on too.
what would be really sad is us breaking up. and what is sadder is the inevitability. and i know you say its only up to us but we both know its not. the world is not just us. my life is not just me.
but for now holding your hands, strolling down streets, laughing myself silly, just being me with you, is happiness well worth any loss in future.
i wish we can be this happy forever.
this might be the most complicated, messy, relationship i can ever be in. but when i think about it, i don't remember being this happy and contented with anyone else. :)
and sometimes its the scariest thing in the world. to know how much i feel for you. how happy i am to just see you. how the world brightens up two shades when i called you and you picked up the call with a nice chirpy "hello" and i could feel across the lines you were happy to hear from me and... god. everything is just blissful.
i'm glad you're here. where you are. and i'm beyond glad that you not only want to stay, you are happy where you are too.
and for a while, it was just us in that time and place, detached and secluded by what we share
everyday i tell myself, fiza, he's not your type, he's nothing like the rest, stop liking him, this is pointless... but its unstoppable.
and everyday you say something, do something, look at me a certain way to make it ever harder to just not grip tighter next time you lock fingers with me.
it gives me a warm glow... how you gently but surely take my hand when we walk, how naturally we just seem to reach out across centimetres of air and let our fingers twine and lock.
i like looking at you and seeing you smile down at me through that forest of lashes. hehe. i enjoy the comfort of just talking to you and knowing you're listening. everyday you surprise me with the new things you notice about me.
i like your quiet observing look. i like the fact that you watch me. when you think i'm not looking at you.
i like how you say, "hmm?" and tilt your head down a little when you can't hear something i say. i like how we could just sit there and i took out my boring- as- hell text and read it there and you still just held my hand and watched. and made it fun. and made me smile. made me laugh.
i like how jarringly different everything seems to be and yet, how everything seems to fit and fall into place. i like how we just be ourselves with ourselves.
and this can end today, tomorrow, next week, next month. this most probably won't go anywhere. but yet that isn't enough to make walk away and leave this uncertain thing we share.
slowly and surely you crept right in... wormed your way through, despite all my insecurities and doubt of us.
when i forget all else, when i just be in the present and enjoy what i hold close, it feels fantastic. it feels like i'm floating. with you i just feel.
and sometimes its scary cuz i know we can't go anywhere. so why do we bother with these things?
its wonderful how you always always find my hand. amusing how you always play with my knuckles with your fingers. how we tickle palms. how you draw imaginary maps across my palm.
i like how you laugh with me, at me, for me.
i like how you look at me and i know everything you want to say cuz its always there, in your eyes.
i like how you hold my hand under the table, across the table, on top of your bag, side by side.
and how you stroke my fingers.
i like how you tilt your head down to listen in to what i have to say.
i like how you smile at me.
i like how you look at me, gently, and you don't say a word. i like how you gaze at me when you think i'm not aware.
i like how you reach for my hands. i like how your big hands seem to wrap my hand entirely.
i like how i feel so lost in you.
its everything i want it be.
and i knew with that i could not turn back. i could not think of a day without having you in it, without putting my head on your chest, without looking up at you, without hearing you laugh at me, without seeing that annoyed glint in your eye when i do something dangerously silly like jaywalking.
and it is all so new and so foreign and so different and so scary and so uncertain and so unwelcomed by everyone.
but i know as long as you want to hold my hand, i want to hold on too.
what would be really sad is us breaking up. and what is sadder is the inevitability. and i know you say its only up to us but we both know its not. the world is not just us. my life is not just me.
but for now holding your hands, strolling down streets, laughing myself silly, just being me with you, is happiness well worth any loss in future.
i wish we can be this happy forever.
this might be the most complicated, messy, relationship i can ever be in. but when i think about it, i don't remember being this happy and contented with anyone else. :)
and sometimes its the scariest thing in the world. to know how much i feel for you. how happy i am to just see you. how the world brightens up two shades when i called you and you picked up the call with a nice chirpy "hello" and i could feel across the lines you were happy to hear from me and... god. everything is just blissful.
i'm glad you're here. where you are. and i'm beyond glad that you not only want to stay, you are happy where you are too.
and for a while, it was just us in that time and place, detached and secluded by what we share
Saturday, September 10, 2005
its that time again
someone asked if i wasn't sure about us why bother telling the world about it then.
i don't know for sure... but maybe i seek approval and understanding from this part of my world. from people who've read so much about me and hopefully have a rough idea of what i want, more so than me. maybe i want constructive advice, impartial perspective. who knows?
i just couldn't spend anymore days talking about him here as if he didn't mean more. he does.
and now what blissful saturday is this? woke up when i wanted to. and not too bad, before noon too. impressive. *pats body clock*
and i haven't got any plans at all. its been awhile since i had a free saturday with absolutely nothing to do. when school just started it was work at causeway, when that ended it was my birthday celebrations... so this is a special special saturday. :)
and since me and mum went to the supermarket for a bit yesterday, i might possibly be able to stay at home without starving half to death. and hey i got my cocoa pops and joy of joys, i had some at midnight yesterday. there's something liberating about having cocoa pops at midnight. something thrilling, if you will, in hearing the crackling cereal break through the silence of midnight.
ok just at the top of my head; people i need to meet & hang out with soon: hafiz lim, kak zarina, izzati, sara, nydia... anyone i missed? do let me know so i can figure out things.
that aside, i think i might go watch some dvds or even cartoons in a bit. with cornflakes for breakfast! i still got 30 minutes to go before its noon. hmm hmm. maybe read a book...
then mug for 4 straight hours at least; cuz my studies deserve at least that much attention.
eddie koh told me that a girl from the batch before mine in peejay, was dropped out of NUS cuz she was failing too many modules. nothing like that as a wake- up call. i'm awake, rest assured.
such bliss to have nothingness. that's what i missed. after all that somethings and many things, nothingness is a warmly welcomed change.
oh and mum and me had a nice little chat few nights back, about my future plans, if any. high chances are that i'd do my postgrad overseas, maybe after working in singapore for a bit, to save up some. and when i leave, she comes with me cuz chances are i'd be there for quite a bit. a few years to finish the course, few more years to establish myself as a writer there first before coming back to singapore. my theory is singapore works in such a way that if i were to be popular overseas, i will be guaranteed some readership when i return as opposed to my coming home straight and publishing here first, that's going to be a long climb up.
so knowing that we've talked it over and she's more or less okay with it, is reassuring.
now to kickstart plan into action. :D
someone asked if i wasn't sure about us why bother telling the world about it then.
i don't know for sure... but maybe i seek approval and understanding from this part of my world. from people who've read so much about me and hopefully have a rough idea of what i want, more so than me. maybe i want constructive advice, impartial perspective. who knows?
i just couldn't spend anymore days talking about him here as if he didn't mean more. he does.
and now what blissful saturday is this? woke up when i wanted to. and not too bad, before noon too. impressive. *pats body clock*
and i haven't got any plans at all. its been awhile since i had a free saturday with absolutely nothing to do. when school just started it was work at causeway, when that ended it was my birthday celebrations... so this is a special special saturday. :)
and since me and mum went to the supermarket for a bit yesterday, i might possibly be able to stay at home without starving half to death. and hey i got my cocoa pops and joy of joys, i had some at midnight yesterday. there's something liberating about having cocoa pops at midnight. something thrilling, if you will, in hearing the crackling cereal break through the silence of midnight.
ok just at the top of my head; people i need to meet & hang out with soon: hafiz lim, kak zarina, izzati, sara, nydia... anyone i missed? do let me know so i can figure out things.
that aside, i think i might go watch some dvds or even cartoons in a bit. with cornflakes for breakfast! i still got 30 minutes to go before its noon. hmm hmm. maybe read a book...
then mug for 4 straight hours at least; cuz my studies deserve at least that much attention.
eddie koh told me that a girl from the batch before mine in peejay, was dropped out of NUS cuz she was failing too many modules. nothing like that as a wake- up call. i'm awake, rest assured.
such bliss to have nothingness. that's what i missed. after all that somethings and many things, nothingness is a warmly welcomed change.
oh and mum and me had a nice little chat few nights back, about my future plans, if any. high chances are that i'd do my postgrad overseas, maybe after working in singapore for a bit, to save up some. and when i leave, she comes with me cuz chances are i'd be there for quite a bit. a few years to finish the course, few more years to establish myself as a writer there first before coming back to singapore. my theory is singapore works in such a way that if i were to be popular overseas, i will be guaranteed some readership when i return as opposed to my coming home straight and publishing here first, that's going to be a long climb up.
so knowing that we've talked it over and she's more or less okay with it, is reassuring.
now to kickstart plan into action. :D
Friday, September 09, 2005
i'm home and satiated.
got my laksa at tuition! her mum is an angel la. sighhh.
and met my someone. :) blissful time spent in languidly whiling the hours.
met mum for dinner. chicken chop at al- ameen rocks balls and i got my cereals and pomelo! yes i had cravings. not together. but pomeloooo. mmm juicy juicy!
yesterday was town with mum for marche then a walk. and in one of the shop we entered i found this;
for those with horny legs, you know now what to get.
today i was flashed. haha. by two kids. this boy came and peed, at the green grass outside starbucks liat, and his younger brother followed suit. but cuz he was just following he didn't actually wanted to pee so he just got to stick out his lil' peewit out in front of the entire starbucks. cute.
and i haven't touched caffeine in a week! :D
coffee and strawberry, you and me.
last night i had strawberry milkshake at marche. maybe this time its a strawberry binge.
i think i don't mind letting you all in a little... though i am wary of rebuttal and disapproval. but hey, its my blog.
things are uncertain, many are doubtful, people stare. even we aren't sure how far we can go with this. in fact nothing is for sure besides the fact that we're very happy.
sum of my existence.
and that, is the reason for the endless happiness. that is why, this grin is endless. that is why, nothing brings me down.
and if all i've ever wanted was to be happy,
then he is all i ever wanted.
got my laksa at tuition! her mum is an angel la. sighhh.
and met my someone. :) blissful time spent in languidly whiling the hours.
met mum for dinner. chicken chop at al- ameen rocks balls and i got my cereals and pomelo! yes i had cravings. not together. but pomeloooo. mmm juicy juicy!
yesterday was town with mum for marche then a walk. and in one of the shop we entered i found this;
for those with horny legs, you know now what to get.
today i was flashed. haha. by two kids. this boy came and peed, at the green grass outside starbucks liat, and his younger brother followed suit. but cuz he was just following he didn't actually wanted to pee so he just got to stick out his lil' peewit out in front of the entire starbucks. cute.
and i haven't touched caffeine in a week! :D
coffee and strawberry, you and me.
last night i had strawberry milkshake at marche. maybe this time its a strawberry binge.
i think i don't mind letting you all in a little... though i am wary of rebuttal and disapproval. but hey, its my blog.
things are uncertain, many are doubtful, people stare. even we aren't sure how far we can go with this. in fact nothing is for sure besides the fact that we're very happy.
sum of my existence.
and that, is the reason for the endless happiness. that is why, this grin is endless. that is why, nothing brings me down.
and if all i've ever wanted was to be happy,
then he is all i ever wanted.
i hate hate hate hate physics.
and i got to teach tuition at 1.30 later.
friday friday sticky day.
on a bright note, am meeting soooomeoneeee for lunch/ dinner/ general digestive exercise. yeah!
and i got to teach tuition at 1.30 later.
friday friday sticky day.
on a bright note, am meeting soooomeoneeee for lunch/ dinner/ general digestive exercise. yeah!
barefoot in the park
i'm beginning to adore thursdays and fridays. days spent in languid bliss with you.
school was pretty fun. time module is now in the 3rd part, the historical perspective. pretty interesting. studying angkor wat, borobudur, such. linear time, cyclical time, abolished time...
and physics time essay due tomorrow. ugh!
i will sleep soon and wake up early to do it, since my brain is clearly not functioning right now. i miss someone. bah.
came to school at 1 for lunch with suresh. class at 2, then i was done for the week at 4. made our way to plaza's pastamania. prawn and shrooms is niiiice. yumyum. and i love fusili! penne has been usurped! and suresh took lots of cheese again. *gives disapproving look* and that moron has taken to checking pepper shakers EVERYTIME we go pastamania. eversince that incident of the mount pepper on pasta. hahaha. and on my part, i've laid off the pepper too. kinda traumatising, that memory of mounds of chilli flakes totally overwhelming my plate of pasta.
we were done at 5.15 p.m. and since we both had 'dinner' plans at 7ish (haha ya got dinner plans still got eat pasta; we're pigs can), we were at a loss of where to go to just sit.
"hmm. istana?"
"er no i have no plans to get myself arrested. i don't think i will be able to explain to my parents why i need to be bailed out on a thursday night."
"say cuz you sat in the istana la. want?"
"hah ya like the president's my father's friend like that."
"......."
"well actually he is..."
"HAH!"
"... but that's not the point!"
we settled on fort canning park. haha. why do we bother really. why. we always end up there.
there were schoolbuses around. school excursion i guess. got kids running around a bit, quiet noise in the backdrop of serenity. and there was this couple who just got back from Registrar of Marriages i guess. both were in white and were taking pictures around the park. the lady was in this tight white cheongsam...
"eh she's wearing a g- string..."
"........"
"hahaha..."
"i think somewhere here... *touches back of my head*... there's something wrong."
took a train down to somerset since he was pretty late. while waiting for the train i drank from his bottle and he hit my arm and made me drop my bottle cap. and then we both stared at the bottle cap on the floor, and he went, "bottle cappp... ohhhh bottle cappp..." in this stupid singsong voice, while i stretched my arm out in front of me and spread the fingers, scrunched my eyebrows and focussed on lifting it with my eyepower.
i won. he bent down to pick it up. haha.
the train took its time to arrive... and he was complaining.
"well you could always fly up and crash through all these beams and shoot through the ceiling and..."
"*makes gesture of passing bag to me* hmm yes i think i should try that now!"
"hahahaha." train arrives...
"ah well train is here."
"haha no no do i want to see!"
walking down to marche.
"eh you're late in meeting them. you asshole!"
"shut up bitch."
"eh! bastard!"
"bitch."
"asssssshole."
"aren't we healthy."
"wah i'm late. your fault."
"what?! how is it MY fault?"
"haha cuz i say so."
"humph. you lazy slow mamak."
"oei!"
:D
i love my iTunes radio can there's this station that plays beatles 50% of the time. i looooooove love love it.
am too sleepy for words. essay to be done tomorrow then i guess. wish me luck people. oh my physics friends, do hand me some on thy brain juices.
Baby's good to me, you know
She's happy as can be, you know
She said so
I'm in love with her and i feel fine
I Feel Fine; The Beatles
one day i will tell. when things are clearer when the future seems more likely when i know myself why and how and i got here and where we want to go.
the sky dipped a colour. dusk.
"i'll think of something."
i hope you do cuz there's nowhere else i want to be for the rest of my life.
i'm beginning to adore thursdays and fridays. days spent in languid bliss with you.
school was pretty fun. time module is now in the 3rd part, the historical perspective. pretty interesting. studying angkor wat, borobudur, such. linear time, cyclical time, abolished time...
and physics time essay due tomorrow. ugh!
i will sleep soon and wake up early to do it, since my brain is clearly not functioning right now. i miss someone. bah.
came to school at 1 for lunch with suresh. class at 2, then i was done for the week at 4. made our way to plaza's pastamania. prawn and shrooms is niiiice. yumyum. and i love fusili! penne has been usurped! and suresh took lots of cheese again. *gives disapproving look* and that moron has taken to checking pepper shakers EVERYTIME we go pastamania. eversince that incident of the mount pepper on pasta. hahaha. and on my part, i've laid off the pepper too. kinda traumatising, that memory of mounds of chilli flakes totally overwhelming my plate of pasta.
we were done at 5.15 p.m. and since we both had 'dinner' plans at 7ish (haha ya got dinner plans still got eat pasta; we're pigs can), we were at a loss of where to go to just sit.
"hmm. istana?"
"er no i have no plans to get myself arrested. i don't think i will be able to explain to my parents why i need to be bailed out on a thursday night."
"say cuz you sat in the istana la. want?"
"hah ya like the president's my father's friend like that."
"......."
"well actually he is..."
"HAH!"
"... but that's not the point!"
we settled on fort canning park. haha. why do we bother really. why. we always end up there.
there were schoolbuses around. school excursion i guess. got kids running around a bit, quiet noise in the backdrop of serenity. and there was this couple who just got back from Registrar of Marriages i guess. both were in white and were taking pictures around the park. the lady was in this tight white cheongsam...
"eh she's wearing a g- string..."
"........"
"hahaha..."
"i think somewhere here... *touches back of my head*... there's something wrong."
took a train down to somerset since he was pretty late. while waiting for the train i drank from his bottle and he hit my arm and made me drop my bottle cap. and then we both stared at the bottle cap on the floor, and he went, "bottle cappp... ohhhh bottle cappp..." in this stupid singsong voice, while i stretched my arm out in front of me and spread the fingers, scrunched my eyebrows and focussed on lifting it with my eyepower.
i won. he bent down to pick it up. haha.
the train took its time to arrive... and he was complaining.
"well you could always fly up and crash through all these beams and shoot through the ceiling and..."
"*makes gesture of passing bag to me* hmm yes i think i should try that now!"
"hahahaha." train arrives...
"ah well train is here."
"haha no no do i want to see!"
walking down to marche.
"eh you're late in meeting them. you asshole!"
"shut up bitch."
"eh! bastard!"
"bitch."
"asssssshole."
"aren't we healthy."
"wah i'm late. your fault."
"what?! how is it MY fault?"
"haha cuz i say so."
"humph. you lazy slow mamak."
"oei!"
:D
i love my iTunes radio can there's this station that plays beatles 50% of the time. i looooooove love love it.
am too sleepy for words. essay to be done tomorrow then i guess. wish me luck people. oh my physics friends, do hand me some on thy brain juices.
Baby's good to me, you know
She's happy as can be, you know
She said so
I'm in love with her and i feel fine
I Feel Fine; The Beatles
one day i will tell. when things are clearer when the future seems more likely when i know myself why and how and i got here and where we want to go.
the sky dipped a colour. dusk.
"i'll think of something."
i hope you do cuz there's nowhere else i want to be for the rest of my life.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
kudos to laremy the stupidcow who thinks i'm kayu. *piak ten times*
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. fiza. the obvious. somehow the full name, all 3 syllables, is abit too much.
2. jamban girl. really. if you say jamban girl on the streets within my hearing i'd respond.
3. fyzul. or fyzal? its basically a cheena pronounciation of fiza. you learn to get used to this in NUS.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1. fizus the missus
2. holycow
3. fiza
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. Malay.
2. Bugis. not many know this, but my late dad was a proud Bugis and i'm kinda proud of it too, more so cuz it links me to him than anything else.
3. Sikh/ Indian. yeah (a very small) part of me is all dhal and naans.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. dying.
2. losing my mum.
3. living unpassionately.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. music. i can't live without my iTunes, which has a mind of its own.
2. chocolate. endorphins baby, endorphins!
3. sleep. hey. we ALL need it.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. striped green tee. someone's fave tee on me apparently, a long time ago.
2. fbt shorts. once a track & fielder, always a track & fielder.
3. very dry contacts.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS
1. The Beatles.
2. Cake.
3. Aqualung.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS
1. Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds; The Beatles.
2. Should Have Known Better; The Beatles.
3. Sheep Go To Heaven; Cake.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. companionship; enjoying things together. like reading, eating, watching soccer/ movies/ porn, fucking, etc. haha. and no laremy i wasn't expecting sex but hey, you do surprise sometimes.
2. lots of laughs. i NEED to laugh like i need oxygen, okay? so if you're not funny i can't love you. i just can't.
3. hands that fit.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i love chocolates.
2. i'm racist.
3. i don't like clubbing.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED (i like this! so politically correct; preferred, not necessarily opposite, heh) SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. the smile. especially if its directed at me.
2. the hair. i like it long and wavy, or short and spiky, or floppy and run- hand- through- able.
3. size. does. matter. haha! i like tall guys, big guys. ;)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES
1. reading. i plan to buy over borders some day. kinokuniya's shelves are too high up, and MPH books are always dog- eared. why oh why.
2. sitting in the park. especially my favourite one with my favourite person.
3. eating. really.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. do my stupid Time essay! its due friday but my brain is too fried. :(
2. finish my books! there's asti spumante, lovely green eyes and straw men. hmm hmm.
3. go KL. or any part of Msia. for A&W and Dunkin' Donuts. and some cousin lovin'.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/ HAVE CONSIDERED
1. author. i wantwantwantwant to write a book.
2. teacher. iron rice bowl, if you will.
3. interior designer. cuz i love dressing up homes.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. chiang mai! its lovely. i miss it like crazy. the ceylonese tea house, the cool nights, the rocking good coleslaw at kfc. aiya everything la.
2. tioman! i miss seeing natural beautiful beaches with live corals and hot men diving away.
3. new york! i don't just wanna go there on a vacation i wanna live there. ok vacation then maybe liverpool. soccer and hey, beatles! all good. :D
THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE
1. rushdy. my dad named my cousin this. so i like it!
2. nawfal.
3. najib. hahaha ok biased.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. write a book.
2. have kids.
3. go for my Haj.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. i watch soccer and wrestling. and i love it.
2. everything is about sex. (i agree with laremy on this one. hahaha) ok i don't. umm. i think like a guy. at most times. can't really explain this.
3. i'm unromantic/ unmushy. though some might say this is a gender bias cuz guys can be romantic/mushy. well i mean that i can be a caveman sometimes, ok?
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
1. i have long hair. (laremy, by teh you meant gay right? haha you faggot i knew it)
2. i love shopping and dressing up.
3. i adore boys. hahahahahaha.
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES
1. angelina jolie ohhhhhhhh my goddddddddd.
2. julia roberts.
3. winona ryder.
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES
1. johnny depp.
2. wah this is more difficult than female crushes. umm. kurt cobain!
3. paul mccartney. when he was younger la. haha. so cute can.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW
1. hana cuz you're my self- proclaimed best friend so DO IT!
2. nazri/ fotograft. cuz he is interesting enough to know about. heh.
3. hazimah. cuz she is my own personal blog- fan. haha.
now that that's done... today.
well i already whined about the migraine. i think the fluctuating weather is a contributing factor. its like a woman, blowing hot and cold for no apparent reason. well men do that too la. so okay. no point there.
i think these days it gets harder and harder to just write out everything i feel cuz there's the things that i wanna talk about is not something i want people to know. does this make sense? its hard to keep this a secret seeing how it is such a big part of my life now. but i can do it!
school has been pretty manageable, seeing that i try to keep up with readings and schoolwork best i can. and i'm much much happier to be in school now... :)
its hard isn't it. when you just wanna share with everyone why you're smiling so hard, grinning to yourself in trains, bouncing when you walk... but you can't. urghhhhhhhhh.
so much birthday love has left me high (and dry? quite broke now haha). everywhere and from everyone, someone's telling me, reminding me how much they care and they want to be there. and though i was never short on love thanks to people who are always there, its nice to know i'm never going to be all alone in this world. never. :)
twenty years. long, ain't it? alhamdullilah, thank God the Almighty for this precious gift of life. if nothing else is, what i know is He has been nothing but fair to me.
pre- formal schooling days were the easiest days i think. you're just small and cute and everyone loves you. if like me, you talk alot of nonsense (yes apparently i was born to crap), people love you even more. so its all good.
i'd say kindergarten was pretty tough for me, mainly cuz i sucked at chinese. haha. to this day i have NO idea why i beat myself up so much over my lousy chinese grades. for pete's sakes its CHINESE. no offense but in retrospect, i should have been less anal about it. but then again i was a geek.
primary school was good times rollin'.
primary 1 was a vague memory, i remembered faking fever once cuz i didn't wanna do art that day. i was damn lousy can. and i think i didn't bring my superpower 24 colours crayons or something and i didn't wanna borrow. hah.
primary 2 i had a monstrous form teacher who wore huge rings and would hit our heads. yea i got a bit of the more violent heydays of teaching. kids have it better these days (ooooh i love saying that sound so pakcik pakcik kedai kopi- uh old uncles at coffeeshop). she also threw my pets worksheet out of the class before. haha. cuz my handwriting was atrocious. to her credit, it was la. haha. when i later joined brownies as a cca she was the teacher in charge and we got along pretty well. maybe cuz my handwriting got better. hoo well.
primary 3 was the start of extreme fiza geekiness which lasted all of 1 year. haha. i was the teacher's pet and was always the one cleaning the blackboard or collecting homework. hoo hoo hoo. this was also when i started making a name for myself on the tracks. heh.
primary 4 was pretty hellish, streaming and all that. and i went through an anti- geek phase whereby i didn't do ANY homework. haha i know. extremist i am. foretunately i woke up in time and did okay enough to get into EM2. not like i cared then. haha.
primary 5 and 6 was under the same form teacher, mrs chionh, better known as zoe tay's mother- in- law. the chinese girls in class were always fascinated by this. but she is one garang woman. she threw out our exercise books, verbally abused us, had a horrific reputation (stories had it that she pinched a girl's ears so hard her earrings got ripped off and they bled GAH!) and used to punish us by having us go without P.E. and have maths or science instead. :( P.E. is one of the fun- nest things in primary school so you can imagine our great sorrow. but in primary 6 i became her class monitress and by end of the year we were best friends, and after psle was over i actually hung out with her alot at the teacher's lounge knitting rugs. HAHA. I KNOW. WHAT THE HELL FIZA. but hey it was fun!
oh ya all throughout primary school i was underweight (well yea i still am) and i had to get like, a dozen packet of milk every month and drink it. weird. how did that help i'm not too sure.
oh and in primary six i discovered new ways to walk out to the bus- stop. one involved walking behind the bungalows, like in between the two opposite back gates, and having to jump over the small drain all the time when one side is narrower than the other or the greenery from the house spilled over too much. the other comprised of climbing into a giant canal that was perpetually dry and walking through it. its pretty dark. haha. and dank. but not smelly! oddly enough.
turning point in life; the day before i started my first day in secondary school my dad passed away. so i never had a proper first day in school, i only went on the second day. heh.
sec. 1. pretty usual stuff. got my best friend in school. farhana. psycho bitch of the century that one, and despite major differences (we're quite different actually), being the only 2 malay girls in class and the only 2 crazy ones too, helped us bond. joined track and field together, and was also in ELDDS. good old innocent days. didn't do much then. this was when me and imran started becoming chummy too.
sec. 2. ELDDS camp, had my first crush on an indian boy. arun maaran, who later turned out to be a very notorious arsonist in the school. i know, i got weird boys. he was cute then, and he looked like ricky martin. hahahaha. and he was so suave! and he wore floral socks which i thought was just so goddamn cute. cuz he ran out of socks so he borrowed his sis's. pfft. this was also an embarassing period of time in my life when i got a PRIMARY 5 BOYFRIEND! god can someone say paedophile. i had a thing for his ELDER brother. but he was cuter. not in a i'm- young- and- cute but the i'm- hot cute. but he was so YOUNG. god what was i thinking. fortunately it ended soon enough.
sec. 3. was a pretty quick blur. haha. i had the hugest crush on this boy, farid, who was the sweetest thing in the world. each of my school had one CUTE boy i will always have a soft spot for and farid is the one for gan eng seng. see for some weird reason gan eng seng boys, esp. the malays, were SHORT. like seriously mind- blowingly short. and farid was all of 1.7+ m. so yea. haha. but soon enough in february of 2000 i got together with the sweetest, most romantic dude i ever met, abdul hadi. hehe. good times, we shared.
sec. 4. i went through a bad- girl phase and cheated on hadi. hah. and TOLD him. cuz honesty is my only policy. but we got back together, and we even managed a 1 year 7 months anniversary. haha. oh and also the year where i tried to punch hadi's nose with the heel of my hand. weird. we broke up a week after my birthday though, me citing reasons such as, "you're too immatured." ya i know i was a major twerp.
towards the end of sec. 4, to be precise, in september, things developed between me and imran. and then after the o levels we officially got together and hence began the whirlwind of a time in my life.
jc 1. i wasn't there in 1st three months but i got introduced to some anyway. hafiz, hakim. of whom both i later proceeded to date. haha. when i first came to peejay i was a cranky cranky lass. i didn't want to be there at all. (is now a good time to mention how i got a nestle milk POWDER craving? as in i just wanna eat it like that. umph.) and it didn't help that me and imran broke up middle of the year. it seemed too short, everything we shared. still feels so. heh. but the shit that happened between us helped me to restore my faith in Him and i started praying on a more regular basis. and with that it led me to spending more time at the prayer room, and hence spending more time talking to the hafiz lim yimin....
jc 2. boy wonder asked me to be his in december and j2 started with a pomp. new school new life new boyfriend. things were never smooth- sailing but he was great. no words can explain the nurturing experience that was being with him. a levels creeped into the air slowly like anthrax and by the end of the year i was a neurotic anal twit mugging like her life depended on it. many nights spent in school, but we always made it a point to wind down with a walk around the tracks before going home. on these tracks too, while we sat for a while to catch our breaths, he squeeezed (is that the word?) out his first public fart. it brought our relationship to a whole new level. hell the SMELL brought ME to an entirely different plane.
pre- NUS. waiting for the results was a killer. hafiz went into ns. we never had qualms about us. i knew i wouldn't stray just cuz he was in camp. and for the record i didn't. at no point of time did we have problems cuz he was in camp or serving ns. which is why sometimes i don't get the whole ns woes in a relationship. but maybe cuz he wasn't in the army. results day was euphoric, acceptance into usp and nus was too. school started and i got busy and was so caught up in my new life. issues arised. parental, mostly. so we broke up. end of sem 1 too, in december, i went for YEP to north thailand and had the best 20 days in my life.
yr 1 sem 2. off on a dangerous note. dangerous games with a dangerous boy led to terrible consequences which i will have to face forever. the damage was permanent but i'm glad i walked out of it with my head held high, determined, more than ever, to move on. lots of boys in this period of time, very drama days. not to forget for the whole yr1 in nus i was staying in the hostel. and of course, who can forget door slamming on finger incident. it brought staying alone into a whole new different perspective, one i never saw.
the holidays were fantastic, rested alot, went out alot, had alot of fun. worked some, shopped more. ate alot at many places. happy times. got back together with hafiz for a bit. but couldn't work it out i guess. musical was a big part of the holidays too, made me closer to 2 wonderful ladies; nydia and sara. also the time when i moved to admiralty and became physically closer to the lesbonbon. haha. then there was the USP camp. had new experiences, forged new friendships. met someone fantastic. :) july and august was mainly scholastic in that sense, a camp and also dance practices for rag performance.
yr 2 sem 1, i.e. now. its been great. i got pretty good mods, fun even, for some. i still teach tuition, still love life. several changes, not all good, not all bad. the people in my life have been great, i couldn't ask for more.
2005. its been a long year. weird shit happened, but so did good shit. and i say the good far surpasses the best.
cheers.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. fiza. the obvious. somehow the full name, all 3 syllables, is abit too much.
2. jamban girl. really. if you say jamban girl on the streets within my hearing i'd respond.
3. fyzul. or fyzal? its basically a cheena pronounciation of fiza. you learn to get used to this in NUS.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1. fizus the missus
2. holycow
3. fiza
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. Malay.
2. Bugis. not many know this, but my late dad was a proud Bugis and i'm kinda proud of it too, more so cuz it links me to him than anything else.
3. Sikh/ Indian. yeah (a very small) part of me is all dhal and naans.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. dying.
2. losing my mum.
3. living unpassionately.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. music. i can't live without my iTunes, which has a mind of its own.
2. chocolate. endorphins baby, endorphins!
3. sleep. hey. we ALL need it.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. striped green tee. someone's fave tee on me apparently, a long time ago.
2. fbt shorts. once a track & fielder, always a track & fielder.
3. very dry contacts.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS
1. The Beatles.
2. Cake.
3. Aqualung.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS
1. Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds; The Beatles.
2. Should Have Known Better; The Beatles.
3. Sheep Go To Heaven; Cake.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. companionship; enjoying things together. like reading, eating, watching soccer/ movies/ porn, fucking, etc. haha. and no laremy i wasn't expecting sex but hey, you do surprise sometimes.
2. lots of laughs. i NEED to laugh like i need oxygen, okay? so if you're not funny i can't love you. i just can't.
3. hands that fit.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i love chocolates.
2. i'm racist.
3. i don't like clubbing.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED (i like this! so politically correct; preferred, not necessarily opposite, heh) SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. the smile. especially if its directed at me.
2. the hair. i like it long and wavy, or short and spiky, or floppy and run- hand- through- able.
3. size. does. matter. haha! i like tall guys, big guys. ;)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES
1. reading. i plan to buy over borders some day. kinokuniya's shelves are too high up, and MPH books are always dog- eared. why oh why.
2. sitting in the park. especially my favourite one with my favourite person.
3. eating. really.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. do my stupid Time essay! its due friday but my brain is too fried. :(
2. finish my books! there's asti spumante, lovely green eyes and straw men. hmm hmm.
3. go KL. or any part of Msia. for A&W and Dunkin' Donuts. and some cousin lovin'.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/ HAVE CONSIDERED
1. author. i wantwantwantwant to write a book.
2. teacher. iron rice bowl, if you will.
3. interior designer. cuz i love dressing up homes.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. chiang mai! its lovely. i miss it like crazy. the ceylonese tea house, the cool nights, the rocking good coleslaw at kfc. aiya everything la.
2. tioman! i miss seeing natural beautiful beaches with live corals and hot men diving away.
3. new york! i don't just wanna go there on a vacation i wanna live there. ok vacation then maybe liverpool. soccer and hey, beatles! all good. :D
THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE
1. rushdy. my dad named my cousin this. so i like it!
2. nawfal.
3. najib. hahaha ok biased.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. write a book.
2. have kids.
3. go for my Haj.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. i watch soccer and wrestling. and i love it.
2. everything is about sex. (i agree with laremy on this one. hahaha) ok i don't. umm. i think like a guy. at most times. can't really explain this.
3. i'm unromantic/ unmushy. though some might say this is a gender bias cuz guys can be romantic/mushy. well i mean that i can be a caveman sometimes, ok?
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
1. i have long hair. (laremy, by teh you meant gay right? haha you faggot i knew it)
2. i love shopping and dressing up.
3. i adore boys. hahahahahaha.
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES
1. angelina jolie ohhhhhhhh my goddddddddd.
2. julia roberts.
3. winona ryder.
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES
1. johnny depp.
2. wah this is more difficult than female crushes. umm. kurt cobain!
3. paul mccartney. when he was younger la. haha. so cute can.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW
1. hana cuz you're my self- proclaimed best friend so DO IT!
2. nazri/ fotograft. cuz he is interesting enough to know about. heh.
3. hazimah. cuz she is my own personal blog- fan. haha.
now that that's done... today.
well i already whined about the migraine. i think the fluctuating weather is a contributing factor. its like a woman, blowing hot and cold for no apparent reason. well men do that too la. so okay. no point there.
i think these days it gets harder and harder to just write out everything i feel cuz there's the things that i wanna talk about is not something i want people to know. does this make sense? its hard to keep this a secret seeing how it is such a big part of my life now. but i can do it!
school has been pretty manageable, seeing that i try to keep up with readings and schoolwork best i can. and i'm much much happier to be in school now... :)
its hard isn't it. when you just wanna share with everyone why you're smiling so hard, grinning to yourself in trains, bouncing when you walk... but you can't. urghhhhhhhhh.
so much birthday love has left me high (and dry? quite broke now haha). everywhere and from everyone, someone's telling me, reminding me how much they care and they want to be there. and though i was never short on love thanks to people who are always there, its nice to know i'm never going to be all alone in this world. never. :)
twenty years. long, ain't it? alhamdullilah, thank God the Almighty for this precious gift of life. if nothing else is, what i know is He has been nothing but fair to me.
pre- formal schooling days were the easiest days i think. you're just small and cute and everyone loves you. if like me, you talk alot of nonsense (yes apparently i was born to crap), people love you even more. so its all good.
i'd say kindergarten was pretty tough for me, mainly cuz i sucked at chinese. haha. to this day i have NO idea why i beat myself up so much over my lousy chinese grades. for pete's sakes its CHINESE. no offense but in retrospect, i should have been less anal about it. but then again i was a geek.
primary school was good times rollin'.
primary 1 was a vague memory, i remembered faking fever once cuz i didn't wanna do art that day. i was damn lousy can. and i think i didn't bring my superpower 24 colours crayons or something and i didn't wanna borrow. hah.
primary 2 i had a monstrous form teacher who wore huge rings and would hit our heads. yea i got a bit of the more violent heydays of teaching. kids have it better these days (ooooh i love saying that sound so pakcik pakcik kedai kopi- uh old uncles at coffeeshop). she also threw my pets worksheet out of the class before. haha. cuz my handwriting was atrocious. to her credit, it was la. haha. when i later joined brownies as a cca she was the teacher in charge and we got along pretty well. maybe cuz my handwriting got better. hoo well.
primary 3 was the start of extreme fiza geekiness which lasted all of 1 year. haha. i was the teacher's pet and was always the one cleaning the blackboard or collecting homework. hoo hoo hoo. this was also when i started making a name for myself on the tracks. heh.
primary 4 was pretty hellish, streaming and all that. and i went through an anti- geek phase whereby i didn't do ANY homework. haha i know. extremist i am. foretunately i woke up in time and did okay enough to get into EM2. not like i cared then. haha.
primary 5 and 6 was under the same form teacher, mrs chionh, better known as zoe tay's mother- in- law. the chinese girls in class were always fascinated by this. but she is one garang woman. she threw out our exercise books, verbally abused us, had a horrific reputation (stories had it that she pinched a girl's ears so hard her earrings got ripped off and they bled GAH!) and used to punish us by having us go without P.E. and have maths or science instead. :( P.E. is one of the fun- nest things in primary school so you can imagine our great sorrow. but in primary 6 i became her class monitress and by end of the year we were best friends, and after psle was over i actually hung out with her alot at the teacher's lounge knitting rugs. HAHA. I KNOW. WHAT THE HELL FIZA. but hey it was fun!
oh ya all throughout primary school i was underweight (well yea i still am) and i had to get like, a dozen packet of milk every month and drink it. weird. how did that help i'm not too sure.
oh and in primary six i discovered new ways to walk out to the bus- stop. one involved walking behind the bungalows, like in between the two opposite back gates, and having to jump over the small drain all the time when one side is narrower than the other or the greenery from the house spilled over too much. the other comprised of climbing into a giant canal that was perpetually dry and walking through it. its pretty dark. haha. and dank. but not smelly! oddly enough.
turning point in life; the day before i started my first day in secondary school my dad passed away. so i never had a proper first day in school, i only went on the second day. heh.
sec. 1. pretty usual stuff. got my best friend in school. farhana. psycho bitch of the century that one, and despite major differences (we're quite different actually), being the only 2 malay girls in class and the only 2 crazy ones too, helped us bond. joined track and field together, and was also in ELDDS. good old innocent days. didn't do much then. this was when me and imran started becoming chummy too.
sec. 2. ELDDS camp, had my first crush on an indian boy. arun maaran, who later turned out to be a very notorious arsonist in the school. i know, i got weird boys. he was cute then, and he looked like ricky martin. hahahaha. and he was so suave! and he wore floral socks which i thought was just so goddamn cute. cuz he ran out of socks so he borrowed his sis's. pfft. this was also an embarassing period of time in my life when i got a PRIMARY 5 BOYFRIEND! god can someone say paedophile. i had a thing for his ELDER brother. but he was cuter. not in a i'm- young- and- cute but the i'm- hot cute. but he was so YOUNG. god what was i thinking. fortunately it ended soon enough.
sec. 3. was a pretty quick blur. haha. i had the hugest crush on this boy, farid, who was the sweetest thing in the world. each of my school had one CUTE boy i will always have a soft spot for and farid is the one for gan eng seng. see for some weird reason gan eng seng boys, esp. the malays, were SHORT. like seriously mind- blowingly short. and farid was all of 1.7+ m. so yea. haha. but soon enough in february of 2000 i got together with the sweetest, most romantic dude i ever met, abdul hadi. hehe. good times, we shared.
sec. 4. i went through a bad- girl phase and cheated on hadi. hah. and TOLD him. cuz honesty is my only policy. but we got back together, and we even managed a 1 year 7 months anniversary. haha. oh and also the year where i tried to punch hadi's nose with the heel of my hand. weird. we broke up a week after my birthday though, me citing reasons such as, "you're too immatured." ya i know i was a major twerp.
towards the end of sec. 4, to be precise, in september, things developed between me and imran. and then after the o levels we officially got together and hence began the whirlwind of a time in my life.
jc 1. i wasn't there in 1st three months but i got introduced to some anyway. hafiz, hakim. of whom both i later proceeded to date. haha. when i first came to peejay i was a cranky cranky lass. i didn't want to be there at all. (is now a good time to mention how i got a nestle milk POWDER craving? as in i just wanna eat it like that. umph.) and it didn't help that me and imran broke up middle of the year. it seemed too short, everything we shared. still feels so. heh. but the shit that happened between us helped me to restore my faith in Him and i started praying on a more regular basis. and with that it led me to spending more time at the prayer room, and hence spending more time talking to the hafiz lim yimin....
jc 2. boy wonder asked me to be his in december and j2 started with a pomp. new school new life new boyfriend. things were never smooth- sailing but he was great. no words can explain the nurturing experience that was being with him. a levels creeped into the air slowly like anthrax and by the end of the year i was a neurotic anal twit mugging like her life depended on it. many nights spent in school, but we always made it a point to wind down with a walk around the tracks before going home. on these tracks too, while we sat for a while to catch our breaths, he squeeezed (is that the word?) out his first public fart. it brought our relationship to a whole new level. hell the SMELL brought ME to an entirely different plane.
pre- NUS. waiting for the results was a killer. hafiz went into ns. we never had qualms about us. i knew i wouldn't stray just cuz he was in camp. and for the record i didn't. at no point of time did we have problems cuz he was in camp or serving ns. which is why sometimes i don't get the whole ns woes in a relationship. but maybe cuz he wasn't in the army. results day was euphoric, acceptance into usp and nus was too. school started and i got busy and was so caught up in my new life. issues arised. parental, mostly. so we broke up. end of sem 1 too, in december, i went for YEP to north thailand and had the best 20 days in my life.
yr 1 sem 2. off on a dangerous note. dangerous games with a dangerous boy led to terrible consequences which i will have to face forever. the damage was permanent but i'm glad i walked out of it with my head held high, determined, more than ever, to move on. lots of boys in this period of time, very drama days. not to forget for the whole yr1 in nus i was staying in the hostel. and of course, who can forget door slamming on finger incident. it brought staying alone into a whole new different perspective, one i never saw.
the holidays were fantastic, rested alot, went out alot, had alot of fun. worked some, shopped more. ate alot at many places. happy times. got back together with hafiz for a bit. but couldn't work it out i guess. musical was a big part of the holidays too, made me closer to 2 wonderful ladies; nydia and sara. also the time when i moved to admiralty and became physically closer to the lesbonbon. haha. then there was the USP camp. had new experiences, forged new friendships. met someone fantastic. :) july and august was mainly scholastic in that sense, a camp and also dance practices for rag performance.
yr 2 sem 1, i.e. now. its been great. i got pretty good mods, fun even, for some. i still teach tuition, still love life. several changes, not all good, not all bad. the people in my life have been great, i couldn't ask for more.
2005. its been a long year. weird shit happened, but so did good shit. and i say the good far surpasses the best.
cheers.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
i've got an essay due this friday, and an experiment to present tomorrow.
tuition in a bit.
got home at 5, took a nap.
woke up, showered. and when i rinsed my mouth, with plain water, mind you, i spat out blood. hmm. maybe my mouth is having adverse reaction to tapwater.
school was fine. had lunch at geckos. met sha yesterday and today. went through some thai trip photos which made us miss it even more.
something about today gave me a very i- wanna- keel- over- and- die mode.
maybe the migraine.
tuition in a bit.
got home at 5, took a nap.
woke up, showered. and when i rinsed my mouth, with plain water, mind you, i spat out blood. hmm. maybe my mouth is having adverse reaction to tapwater.
school was fine. had lunch at geckos. met sha yesterday and today. went through some thai trip photos which made us miss it even more.
something about today gave me a very i- wanna- keel- over- and- die mode.
maybe the migraine.
well just cuz i got nothing to say...
Let's walk in the: park
Let's run through: the clouds
Let's look at the: sky
What a nice: day
Where did all these: shit come from?
When will they: end?
How are: we going to make it?
Why can't you: be happy for me?
Silly, little: fat cat. :)
Show me some: love!
The sky is: blue.
Tell me: lies.
Hide me: in the dark.
Love me: if you dare.
I hate your stupid: hair.
My mom thinks you're: hot.
He's not: too cute upclose.
Are you that: special?
doesn't mean i can't go random on ya.
i'm happy. haha. someone is making it a point to make me happy every night, and its hard to deny him of success. :)
Let's walk in the: park
Let's run through: the clouds
Let's look at the: sky
What a nice: day
Where did all these: shit come from?
When will they: end?
How are: we going to make it?
Why can't you: be happy for me?
Silly, little: fat cat. :)
Show me some: love!
The sky is: blue.
Tell me: lies.
Hide me: in the dark.
Love me: if you dare.
I hate your stupid: hair.
My mom thinks you're: hot.
He's not: too cute upclose.
Are you that: special?
doesn't mean i can't go random on ya.
i'm happy. haha. someone is making it a point to make me happy every night, and its hard to deny him of success. :)
suddenly i've got nothing to say.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing
X and Y; Coldplay
was it only a while ago that i felt so destructive? month of june feels like a lifetime ago. so much happened since.
its almost like i like getting hurt, isn't it? like i want to feel the ache of longing. a sick pleasure derived from looking at something too far beyond my grasp.
before i knew you were out- of- reach, i barely glanced at you. that's how it is. i like chasing the thing that is beyond my catch. i like the thrill of the chase. i like the sore disappointment that comes with losing something you wanted and desired so. i want to know my limits.
just like how i like listening to sad songs when i am crying, to make me sadder and cry harder. i like to feel the dull throb in my chest when i cry so hard and hurt so much.
whenever i ache, i want the pain to be physical, for it to be real. when i sob, i want it to be wrenching and have it wretch my heart. sob till my lungs hurt, cry till the eyes get puffy. i like to see how much i can feel, how sad i can be. i am always pushing the envelope, see how far i can go.
like now.
let me hurt myself a little by constantly torturing myself with thoughts and sights of you just so i know how it feels to desire one who doesn't desire you.
now i don't want all that. i know it can be boring and mundane and yet pleasing and satisfying with just simple things. i don't need to desire the unattainable; cuz something as desirable yet attainable is here.
people ask, why bother. clearly you both know it won't and can't go anywhere.
well you see, you are clearly thinking of this vague, distant future we might not share. but guess what? we might not get there. i might die later, tomorrow, next month, next year. and that will be life's big fat HAH! to you and all your phony plans for this distant rose- tinted future you see.
while all of you bask in the security of a future you might share, a lifetime of flirting in the kitchen, bringing kids out for a holiday, rocking in the rocking chair together holding hands, i bask in the happiness of now, that what i have is definite happiness now. i can feel it i can see it i can touch it and i like it.
so what if i might not have a retirement plan i can share with him. what i have is a bundle of (lame, like him) jokes i can tell him today. we have a truckload of movies to watch together now. we have alot of time to hold each other's hands, minus wrinkles. and when i die, i'm not gonna think, "oh damn i should have planned for the future! i should have imagine how happy i could be!"
no.
i will think, "ah well. it was a good life, at least i had what i had. i am happy."
everyone make choices; some choose to dream and imagine this beautiful, happy future they would share with their significant other 5 years down the road. i choose to have and hold, now. cuz i am living now, i will take what i get now. i will make myself happy now. and if he makes me happy now, then him it is.
sometimes not having a future as an option makes you more grateful for the time you share together. knowing there might not be a tomorrow for us makes me treasure every moment more, makes me want to spend time with him.
and maybe that's for the best.
the entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.
V. Putnam
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing
X and Y; Coldplay
was it only a while ago that i felt so destructive? month of june feels like a lifetime ago. so much happened since.
its almost like i like getting hurt, isn't it? like i want to feel the ache of longing. a sick pleasure derived from looking at something too far beyond my grasp.
before i knew you were out- of- reach, i barely glanced at you. that's how it is. i like chasing the thing that is beyond my catch. i like the thrill of the chase. i like the sore disappointment that comes with losing something you wanted and desired so. i want to know my limits.
just like how i like listening to sad songs when i am crying, to make me sadder and cry harder. i like to feel the dull throb in my chest when i cry so hard and hurt so much.
whenever i ache, i want the pain to be physical, for it to be real. when i sob, i want it to be wrenching and have it wretch my heart. sob till my lungs hurt, cry till the eyes get puffy. i like to see how much i can feel, how sad i can be. i am always pushing the envelope, see how far i can go.
like now.
let me hurt myself a little by constantly torturing myself with thoughts and sights of you just so i know how it feels to desire one who doesn't desire you.
now i don't want all that. i know it can be boring and mundane and yet pleasing and satisfying with just simple things. i don't need to desire the unattainable; cuz something as desirable yet attainable is here.
people ask, why bother. clearly you both know it won't and can't go anywhere.
well you see, you are clearly thinking of this vague, distant future we might not share. but guess what? we might not get there. i might die later, tomorrow, next month, next year. and that will be life's big fat HAH! to you and all your phony plans for this distant rose- tinted future you see.
while all of you bask in the security of a future you might share, a lifetime of flirting in the kitchen, bringing kids out for a holiday, rocking in the rocking chair together holding hands, i bask in the happiness of now, that what i have is definite happiness now. i can feel it i can see it i can touch it and i like it.
so what if i might not have a retirement plan i can share with him. what i have is a bundle of (lame, like him) jokes i can tell him today. we have a truckload of movies to watch together now. we have alot of time to hold each other's hands, minus wrinkles. and when i die, i'm not gonna think, "oh damn i should have planned for the future! i should have imagine how happy i could be!"
no.
i will think, "ah well. it was a good life, at least i had what i had. i am happy."
everyone make choices; some choose to dream and imagine this beautiful, happy future they would share with their significant other 5 years down the road. i choose to have and hold, now. cuz i am living now, i will take what i get now. i will make myself happy now. and if he makes me happy now, then him it is.
sometimes not having a future as an option makes you more grateful for the time you share together. knowing there might not be a tomorrow for us makes me treasure every moment more, makes me want to spend time with him.
and maybe that's for the best.
the entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.
V. Putnam
Monday, September 05, 2005
the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be
so i went to school today, like every other monday.
and every now and then i remember that its not just another monday and it makes me smile to myself. and maybe its just me but strangers smiled back too! maybe they thought i was crazy but hey it feels good to smile alot.
met some people on my way to school. arrived in schoool, and i managed to sit still in chatterbox long enough to clear 3/4 of medical soci reading compulsory for assignment due tomorrow. got hugs from all sorts. thanks all. :)
happily doing my work then i received a message from him. "good morning birthday girl..." made me smile. and less than an hour later he was beside me, liverpool jersey in hand. thanks! i love it, though its a wee bit big. am wearing it as we speak.
at four i went for my lecture. and what a blast pop cult lecture was today! we watched wrestling (where i embarassingly exclaimed when the prof stopped the vid) and an excerpt from my best friend's wedding which is only like, my favouritest movie in the world. ok actually my favourite is pretty woman but you catch my drift.
then... lecture ended and i went to usp block to claim my birthday hug from sara and for zat to pass me my gift. :)) I LOOOOOOOVE the top babes! you've got GREAT taste! muah muah. ok then anyway.
then i voted! :) i am a law- abiding citizen of the scholars programme. rrrrrrright.
then i met him and we were off to... dunno where. after watching man in black 2 trailers on tv mobile, i declared, "let's watch a movie!" "ok!" haha. so that was that, and we made our way to cineleisure. and one of the things that made my eyes glued to the tv was lara flynn boyle's boobs. and then after that they showed tom cruise and i went, "right ok scientologist. so back to movie. what are we watching again?" haha. and he went, "you're damn off la got boobs you got distracted then they showed tom cruise and you were like oh ok whatever." hahaha. my sexual orientation is highly questionable sometimes.
train ride down to cine, got tickets, bought cookies for hana the lesbonbon who went through some shit today (hugs), and then back to cine to catch the movie. the perfect catch. pretty nice movie. not your typical romantic comedy, but probably cuz it was based on nick hornby's fever pitch (which reminds me i want to buy his "long way down" goddamit WHEN is the soft cover coming out!) and he also co- produced it. good fun shit!
movie ended and we got snacks from cheers and walked to fort canning park. one of the many things he told me during this walk would be how short hair does make me look younger, and that i look damn happy, like my world is all pink and daisies. huh. okay. haha. but yea i lost count of how many times i flail my arm in the general direction of mother nature and declared, "this is such a happy world!"
but it is. today has been absolute bliss. thank you dear god.
so there we sat, munching on our sandwiches (vegetarian and cheese for him, turkey ham for me) and me on my chicken pao. ocassionally sipping on our bottle of lemon tea. ever so often the breeze caught our hair, flutters our lashes, blows my skirt up a little.
wiggled my toes, let it feel some grass. feel the breeze blow between my toes, my fingers. between us.
looked at the clouds and saw several things. a heart shape, a dragon's mouth complete with smoke, an F1 racer, airpork... and then a flying dinosaur. it looks like the flying dinosaur but i just couldn't remember the name. "tyrannasaurus? eh noo noo. the flying is... oct..." he burst out laughing. "eh, what octopus hor." mutual laughter. hahaha.
anyway the flying dinosaur i had in mind is a pteranodon. but in some websites they claim this is a non- dino but whatever la HOR bottomline is its just a cloud.
but it felt good. that. all that.
oh happy days.
thanks to everyone for the perfection which was this past three days. :)
so i went to school today, like every other monday.
and every now and then i remember that its not just another monday and it makes me smile to myself. and maybe its just me but strangers smiled back too! maybe they thought i was crazy but hey it feels good to smile alot.
met some people on my way to school. arrived in schoool, and i managed to sit still in chatterbox long enough to clear 3/4 of medical soci reading compulsory for assignment due tomorrow. got hugs from all sorts. thanks all. :)
happily doing my work then i received a message from him. "good morning birthday girl..." made me smile. and less than an hour later he was beside me, liverpool jersey in hand. thanks! i love it, though its a wee bit big. am wearing it as we speak.
at four i went for my lecture. and what a blast pop cult lecture was today! we watched wrestling (where i embarassingly exclaimed when the prof stopped the vid) and an excerpt from my best friend's wedding which is only like, my favouritest movie in the world. ok actually my favourite is pretty woman but you catch my drift.
then... lecture ended and i went to usp block to claim my birthday hug from sara and for zat to pass me my gift. :)) I LOOOOOOOVE the top babes! you've got GREAT taste! muah muah. ok then anyway.
then i voted! :) i am a law- abiding citizen of the scholars programme. rrrrrrright.
then i met him and we were off to... dunno where. after watching man in black 2 trailers on tv mobile, i declared, "let's watch a movie!" "ok!" haha. so that was that, and we made our way to cineleisure. and one of the things that made my eyes glued to the tv was lara flynn boyle's boobs. and then after that they showed tom cruise and i went, "right ok scientologist. so back to movie. what are we watching again?" haha. and he went, "you're damn off la got boobs you got distracted then they showed tom cruise and you were like oh ok whatever." hahaha. my sexual orientation is highly questionable sometimes.
train ride down to cine, got tickets, bought cookies for hana the lesbonbon who went through some shit today (hugs), and then back to cine to catch the movie. the perfect catch. pretty nice movie. not your typical romantic comedy, but probably cuz it was based on nick hornby's fever pitch (which reminds me i want to buy his "long way down" goddamit WHEN is the soft cover coming out!) and he also co- produced it. good fun shit!
movie ended and we got snacks from cheers and walked to fort canning park. one of the many things he told me during this walk would be how short hair does make me look younger, and that i look damn happy, like my world is all pink and daisies. huh. okay. haha. but yea i lost count of how many times i flail my arm in the general direction of mother nature and declared, "this is such a happy world!"
but it is. today has been absolute bliss. thank you dear god.
so there we sat, munching on our sandwiches (vegetarian and cheese for him, turkey ham for me) and me on my chicken pao. ocassionally sipping on our bottle of lemon tea. ever so often the breeze caught our hair, flutters our lashes, blows my skirt up a little.
wiggled my toes, let it feel some grass. feel the breeze blow between my toes, my fingers. between us.
looked at the clouds and saw several things. a heart shape, a dragon's mouth complete with smoke, an F1 racer, airpork... and then a flying dinosaur. it looks like the flying dinosaur but i just couldn't remember the name. "tyrannasaurus? eh noo noo. the flying is... oct..." he burst out laughing. "eh, what octopus hor." mutual laughter. hahaha.
anyway the flying dinosaur i had in mind is a pteranodon. but in some websites they claim this is a non- dino but whatever la HOR bottomline is its just a cloud.
but it felt good. that. all that.
oh happy days.
thanks to everyone for the perfection which was this past three days. :)
Wishing you a very happy and thoughtful birthday then, Fiza...on the life that is to come, of the gradual growth that has taken and will take you far...Will offer a prayer for you today :)
from dearest eddie koh, the best teacher that ever came into my life.
and thanks too, to kak zarina and apek. got the smses when i woke up and it made me smile. :)
from dearest eddie koh, the best teacher that ever came into my life.
and thanks too, to kak zarina and apek. got the smses when i woke up and it made me smile. :)
twenty years old.
its good to be here.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
i'm getting old and i need something to rely on
i woke up at noon today, the latest i have, since school/ work started. ah bliss. and best part is i didn't wake up to a sweltering shining sun, woke up to heavy rain pounding down.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
checked my mail, went down and chatted to mum... discussed plans for the day. after much thought, she settled on a 'surprise' spot for lunch and then a shopping tete- a- tete (with my zara voucher). so off we went to change up, and i just slipped on the same top i wore yesterday; cuz i like it, and cuz it'll be underused if i don't wear it again. i mean, i can't exactly wear it to school now, can i?
a cab later, we landed at the old cafe venetia, now renamed larissa cafe at orchard hotel. food was good.
mum had something from the asian menu. noodles something something. i took a whole meal. the mushroom soup was creamy (but i like garlic bread! NO HAP!), the salad bar was mediocre but it was pretty free for all (as you can see i took 2 bowls haha), my black pepper sirloin steak was ooh la la, side vege was fresh, fries were of the right texture. only complaint would be calamari which wasn't well- breaded.
i'm a desserts whore.
caramel pudding was the BEST i have ever tasted and the nice lady made sujee for herself and gave some to me. sweetness. her sujee rocks too. all in all i rate this 4.5/ 5. yeahyeah. good shit. large variety of main courses, though not for desserts. but hey with such rocking good caramel pudding you need little else.
choosing; and later, the look of satisfaction.
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
so we had a nice little talk. twenty long years. reminisced days long gone, laughed over the same funny moments in life, again and again. :)
talking about my late dad makes me smile. i love him. pure and simple. sometimes i think the truest love i'll ever know is the love i have for him, a transcedental love that surpasses everything else i have. we recall his booming voice, how he sticks his head into the house when he reaches home and goes, "helluuuu...." how every valentine's day, he makes me go to the florist at the neighbourhood market and get flowers. how he always scolds us first when we get hurt, in his i- told- you- so manner, then proceeds to baby us and nurse the wound. :) haha. sometimes i miss him so much. some days i see an old wizen man, tanned, big, hunched, with smiley eyes, and i wonder if that's how he'd look like if he was still around. its so weird how something so close can just go missing like that. having a father is like a norm to most, but for me not having him has become the only life i can remember. 8 years since. i'll have to go through more years without you than i ever got with you. but its okay. i know you're here.
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
we walked over to palais renaissance to have a look at the newly opened mumbai se. ooooooh gorgeous fabrics! will it be too maplek- ish to declare the sarees there absolute beauties? but they were la. very nice intricate embroidery and jewel embellishments. yumyum. i want.
a road crossing later we were in zara. with steely determination we scoured through the perpetual mess that is zara and we left later with a nice pretty mini, which i only paid $9.90 for, courtesy of hadi, nab and hairul. XIE XIE NI!
another road crossing led us to topshop wisma. and i came out with 2 new undies! and a 10% of voucher. the world is conspiring towards mission bankrupt fiza.
we then decided to catch a movie, so off to lido we went, and got 2 tickets for the maid. time to kill, so kill it we did, at mc cafe.
that's earl grey tea, cheesecake, a chocolateyyy brownie, and a cup of warm milk for the ohsolameandkental fiza.
ya i know, go mc cafe drink milk. but trust me, it tasted soooooo good with the brownies.
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
then we got some snacks and we were off for our movie!
for the record, my mum screamed 3 times (VERY loudly la). the rest were probably mini- shrieks that blended in with the rest. at one point i was scared too but she screamed so loudly i burst out laughing. quite anti- climax. and singaporeans are so rude! is it a local movie thing? each time i watch a local movie handphones go off. and its not the same handphones. how i know? cuz different ringtones. -_-
at one point i was leaning back in my seat and looking upwards muttering, "what the fugg.... what the fugg... what the fugg..." and then there were the, "wahhhhhhhh laooooooooo..." and, "why la why. why must she look under the bed. aduhhh." climatic moments equate to, "wah ok cannot take it. stress. why this movie so long ah."
my mum had her laughs too. when i went, "ohh okok astagfirullah alazim" and "ya allah ya allah bismillah." i know. something about watching scary movie brings out the pious one in me (refer to amityville horror).
when movie finally ended, it was a train ride back to home. and to face monday.
but it was fun. and i think it sums up how i think life is. shit happens, it rains ever so often, the sun shines too brightly, nothing goes right, nothing is perfect, but small, tiny moments, snippets of pure joy like today's, is to be milked for all its worth. perfection is perfection cuz it is hard to come by. we all seek it and sometimes it happens and we miss it cuz we were looking too hard. perfection is elusive, an enigmatic butterfly that flutters by out of nowhere and disappears pretty fast too...
but the point is, perfection can be attained. and the only way to it is to keep enjoying life and all its gifts and surprises. let it all come. and enjoy it all. and maybe one day it'll snowball into one big perfect life, if you choose to see it that way.
i woke up at noon today, the latest i have, since school/ work started. ah bliss. and best part is i didn't wake up to a sweltering shining sun, woke up to heavy rain pounding down.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
checked my mail, went down and chatted to mum... discussed plans for the day. after much thought, she settled on a 'surprise' spot for lunch and then a shopping tete- a- tete (with my zara voucher). so off we went to change up, and i just slipped on the same top i wore yesterday; cuz i like it, and cuz it'll be underused if i don't wear it again. i mean, i can't exactly wear it to school now, can i?
a cab later, we landed at the old cafe venetia, now renamed larissa cafe at orchard hotel. food was good.
mum had something from the asian menu. noodles something something. i took a whole meal. the mushroom soup was creamy (but i like garlic bread! NO HAP!), the salad bar was mediocre but it was pretty free for all (as you can see i took 2 bowls haha), my black pepper sirloin steak was ooh la la, side vege was fresh, fries were of the right texture. only complaint would be calamari which wasn't well- breaded.
i'm a desserts whore.
caramel pudding was the BEST i have ever tasted and the nice lady made sujee for herself and gave some to me. sweetness. her sujee rocks too. all in all i rate this 4.5/ 5. yeahyeah. good shit. large variety of main courses, though not for desserts. but hey with such rocking good caramel pudding you need little else.
choosing; and later, the look of satisfaction.
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
so we had a nice little talk. twenty long years. reminisced days long gone, laughed over the same funny moments in life, again and again. :)
talking about my late dad makes me smile. i love him. pure and simple. sometimes i think the truest love i'll ever know is the love i have for him, a transcedental love that surpasses everything else i have. we recall his booming voice, how he sticks his head into the house when he reaches home and goes, "helluuuu...." how every valentine's day, he makes me go to the florist at the neighbourhood market and get flowers. how he always scolds us first when we get hurt, in his i- told- you- so manner, then proceeds to baby us and nurse the wound. :) haha. sometimes i miss him so much. some days i see an old wizen man, tanned, big, hunched, with smiley eyes, and i wonder if that's how he'd look like if he was still around. its so weird how something so close can just go missing like that. having a father is like a norm to most, but for me not having him has become the only life i can remember. 8 years since. i'll have to go through more years without you than i ever got with you. but its okay. i know you're here.
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
we walked over to palais renaissance to have a look at the newly opened mumbai se. ooooooh gorgeous fabrics! will it be too maplek- ish to declare the sarees there absolute beauties? but they were la. very nice intricate embroidery and jewel embellishments. yumyum. i want.
a road crossing later we were in zara. with steely determination we scoured through the perpetual mess that is zara and we left later with a nice pretty mini, which i only paid $9.90 for, courtesy of hadi, nab and hairul. XIE XIE NI!
another road crossing led us to topshop wisma. and i came out with 2 new undies! and a 10% of voucher. the world is conspiring towards mission bankrupt fiza.
we then decided to catch a movie, so off to lido we went, and got 2 tickets for the maid. time to kill, so kill it we did, at mc cafe.
that's earl grey tea, cheesecake, a chocolateyyy brownie, and a cup of warm milk for the ohsolameandkental fiza.
ya i know, go mc cafe drink milk. but trust me, it tasted soooooo good with the brownies.
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
then we got some snacks and we were off for our movie!
for the record, my mum screamed 3 times (VERY loudly la). the rest were probably mini- shrieks that blended in with the rest. at one point i was scared too but she screamed so loudly i burst out laughing. quite anti- climax. and singaporeans are so rude! is it a local movie thing? each time i watch a local movie handphones go off. and its not the same handphones. how i know? cuz different ringtones. -_-
at one point i was leaning back in my seat and looking upwards muttering, "what the fugg.... what the fugg... what the fugg..." and then there were the, "wahhhhhhhh laooooooooo..." and, "why la why. why must she look under the bed. aduhhh." climatic moments equate to, "wah ok cannot take it. stress. why this movie so long ah."
my mum had her laughs too. when i went, "ohh okok astagfirullah alazim" and "ya allah ya allah bismillah." i know. something about watching scary movie brings out the pious one in me (refer to amityville horror).
when movie finally ended, it was a train ride back to home. and to face monday.
but it was fun. and i think it sums up how i think life is. shit happens, it rains ever so often, the sun shines too brightly, nothing goes right, nothing is perfect, but small, tiny moments, snippets of pure joy like today's, is to be milked for all its worth. perfection is perfection cuz it is hard to come by. we all seek it and sometimes it happens and we miss it cuz we were looking too hard. perfection is elusive, an enigmatic butterfly that flutters by out of nowhere and disappears pretty fast too...
but the point is, perfection can be attained. and the only way to it is to keep enjoying life and all its gifts and surprises. let it all come. and enjoy it all. and maybe one day it'll snowball into one big perfect life, if you choose to see it that way.
well well well. had a blast! first up was haircut in the afternoon, get chatted up at borders by strange 32- year- old man, got home, changed, met the maplek, then off to harbourfront!
not alot came but that was for the better. the few who came meant the world. :) those who couldn't make it, its okay. thanks for the thought, ya?
love always to these: hafiz, hana, hafiz, farhana, hafiz, hadi, hairul, suresh, shahirah, zarina, zat, sara, nydia. don't bother counting how many ha-s there are. hehe. you guys rock balls.
my loot for the day: medium- sized jack from nightmare before xmas courtesy of the apek, beatles book from hana, beatles poster from farhana and zara voucher (WOOT SHOPPINNNG!) from di, nabila and hairul.
now for pictures. :)
make my day, everyday.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
why i love septembers
my birthday is on 5th september by the way. but that's a monday, hence we're celebrating it today. but hey no harm done, those who have already wished me happy birthday, thanks!
woke up to this.
Happy birthday!
haha... morning!
for a friend whom i've only met once:
have a great time ahead in your life! don't let it be a sad and mundane story like an uncleaned jamban ok?
haha... lame.
anyway i want to go for the dinner but i can't get away from my cousin's engagement. need to help my ustazah out tonight too. seeya!"
THAT, was from KARIM, who is HAFIZ'S best friend, who is HANA'S brother. and yeah, i've only met him once. but he randomly pours out his too- bizzare- for- others- to- hear problems to me over msn. :)
and that is why i love friends and birthdays. its not the gifts that matter, its when people remember and people care to let you know they remembered. means the world to me.
great start already.
off for a haircut soon, then back home, then meeting up with suresh, getting cake, then dinner it is! :)
have a GREAT weekend one and all.
my birthday is on 5th september by the way. but that's a monday, hence we're celebrating it today. but hey no harm done, those who have already wished me happy birthday, thanks!
woke up to this.
Happy birthday!
haha... morning!
for a friend whom i've only met once:
have a great time ahead in your life! don't let it be a sad and mundane story like an uncleaned jamban ok?
haha... lame.
anyway i want to go for the dinner but i can't get away from my cousin's engagement. need to help my ustazah out tonight too. seeya!"
THAT, was from KARIM, who is HAFIZ'S best friend, who is HANA'S brother. and yeah, i've only met him once. but he randomly pours out his too- bizzare- for- others- to- hear problems to me over msn. :)
and that is why i love friends and birthdays. its not the gifts that matter, its when people remember and people care to let you know they remembered. means the world to me.
great start already.
off for a haircut soon, then back home, then meeting up with suresh, getting cake, then dinner it is! :)
have a GREAT weekend one and all.
Friday, September 02, 2005
score!
guess whooooooooo chatted up a guy today? GUESS. GUESS.
hahaha.
not fun la. okok. guess whooooooooooo I chatted up today?
GUESS GUESS GUESS! oh my my.
MY GOD OF HANDSOME LA CAN. LIKE WHOH. him whom i've had a crush on since like sem 1 of AY 04/ 05. him who is god of handsome. purple boy. angel with long hair. smile to melt the world. him whom i saw for the first time ever at USP Advisor Tea. looking oh so yummy. i finally TALKED to him.
I TALKED TO HIM! GAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
oh my god. and it was so much easier than i thought! god. he is so much cuter up close. but he had a haircut! PIAK 10 times.
but oh lordy. i talked to him. ok i am like beyond... high. anyway story is suresh and him are in the same political science tutorial and of course, are in the same discussion group for their first presentation. and today they had a meeting and i had to go to school to get some readings from RBR. so went to school with suresh. and got my stuff. then i went to his bench to talk a bit then went to a nearby bench to do my own work. of course i knew god of handsome was there la. haha. i make suresh tell me everything he knows of najib. haha. then while i was doing my work i noticed the god walking to the toilet. and then i told myself ok fiza, this has gone on for too long, you gotta end this madness or graduate in 2 years time never knowing what might have been.
so when he came out from the toilet and walked past my bench i said, "hi! najib right? you did lights last production..." then he, "ya..." then we talked. TALKED. LIKE CONVERSATION. WAH LAOOOOOOOOO EH.
*does happy dance*
we talked. he laughed. and smiled. and i dunno. ohmygod.
ok this has been a very incoherent post. well on to more lingustically- logical things...
i bought a top! for tomorrow! :D wheeeeeeee god this is super bimbotic entry la hor.
hahaha. after my little chat with the god, they finished up their stuff and then me and suresh went to city hall to get my top then suntec for pastamania. that boy is so sick, he ate less than 20 pieces of fusilli. tsktsktsk. you better be sleeping right now!
then we had a nice long walk down to fort canning park... and it must be mating season or something cuz there's shitload of couples making out there. hahaha. we sat on the porch of RAFFLE'S HOUSE! haha that's what it was called anyway. basically a hall thing probably used for functions. it had a porch facing city hall area. so there we sat, and in our view were skyscrapers and the supreme court. gorgeousness.
as he said, "this is like our castle la." then i'm like, "ya! and i'm like overlooking all my troops. japan is coming!"
haha ok whatever.
and cuz it was raining, all the slight drizzle and light breeze... ah. bliss. its my nice little friday moment.
tomorrow doth await. heh. got a nice new top and meeting many people i haven't seen in a bit. will be fun! and yeah, i called them and booked tables. so we're all good to go.
today is a good day. very good day. got a new top. got to spend good time with the maplek.
and then of course,
got to talk to the god of handsome and see him up- close, all laugh and smile and voice and god. he is so real and so scary.
ahhhh. life is good.
guess whooooooooo chatted up a guy today? GUESS. GUESS.
hahaha.
not fun la. okok. guess whooooooooooo I chatted up today?
GUESS GUESS GUESS! oh my my.
MY GOD OF HANDSOME LA CAN. LIKE WHOH. him whom i've had a crush on since like sem 1 of AY 04/ 05. him who is god of handsome. purple boy. angel with long hair. smile to melt the world. him whom i saw for the first time ever at USP Advisor Tea. looking oh so yummy. i finally TALKED to him.
I TALKED TO HIM! GAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
oh my god. and it was so much easier than i thought! god. he is so much cuter up close. but he had a haircut! PIAK 10 times.
but oh lordy. i talked to him. ok i am like beyond... high. anyway story is suresh and him are in the same political science tutorial and of course, are in the same discussion group for their first presentation. and today they had a meeting and i had to go to school to get some readings from RBR. so went to school with suresh. and got my stuff. then i went to his bench to talk a bit then went to a nearby bench to do my own work. of course i knew god of handsome was there la. haha. i make suresh tell me everything he knows of najib. haha. then while i was doing my work i noticed the god walking to the toilet. and then i told myself ok fiza, this has gone on for too long, you gotta end this madness or graduate in 2 years time never knowing what might have been.
so when he came out from the toilet and walked past my bench i said, "hi! najib right? you did lights last production..." then he, "ya..." then we talked. TALKED. LIKE CONVERSATION. WAH LAOOOOOOOOO EH.
*does happy dance*
we talked. he laughed. and smiled. and i dunno. ohmygod.
ok this has been a very incoherent post. well on to more lingustically- logical things...
i bought a top! for tomorrow! :D wheeeeeeee god this is super bimbotic entry la hor.
hahaha. after my little chat with the god, they finished up their stuff and then me and suresh went to city hall to get my top then suntec for pastamania. that boy is so sick, he ate less than 20 pieces of fusilli. tsktsktsk. you better be sleeping right now!
then we had a nice long walk down to fort canning park... and it must be mating season or something cuz there's shitload of couples making out there. hahaha. we sat on the porch of RAFFLE'S HOUSE! haha that's what it was called anyway. basically a hall thing probably used for functions. it had a porch facing city hall area. so there we sat, and in our view were skyscrapers and the supreme court. gorgeousness.
as he said, "this is like our castle la." then i'm like, "ya! and i'm like overlooking all my troops. japan is coming!"
haha ok whatever.
and cuz it was raining, all the slight drizzle and light breeze... ah. bliss. its my nice little friday moment.
tomorrow doth await. heh. got a nice new top and meeting many people i haven't seen in a bit. will be fun! and yeah, i called them and booked tables. so we're all good to go.
today is a good day. very good day. got a new top. got to spend good time with the maplek.
and then of course,
got to talk to the god of handsome and see him up- close, all laugh and smile and voice and god. he is so real and so scary.
ahhhh. life is good.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
what a girl wants, a girl gets
well well well. school today. innovations class where i got to present my VOLTAIC PILE! which worked! zinc plate, copper plate, carboard soaked in salt water, crocodile clips and an LED light and i'm a SCIENTIST! HO YEAH BOOOOOOO YA.
ok so anyway right then. i was DAMMMMMMMMMN hungry in the class. my stomach was rumbling. loudly. and on top of that my eyes were itching like crazy but due to the nature of my experiment i couldn't scratch it as i always do due to the high possibilities of copper sulphate and zinc oxide residue on my fingers; and needless to say; salt.
so there i was for a whole hour, rumbling stomach, itchy eyes and salty battery. such a dilemma. so what do you do?
message the maplek to get you food! :)
a very good maplek will help you get curry puffs. hehehe. and HE is a very good maplek. thank you! hee. *pokes eyeballs* haha.
and while he was doing that (getting me food i mean, not getting his eyeballs poked), he was ACCOSTED by an indian- muslim lady who asked him, "you want to go to the seaside?" hahahahaha. he said, "NO?" so dumb. i'd say yes. and see where she brings me! heh.
and as my mum said (yes i made him tell my mum the story haha), "skali she wear bikini how? wasted." interestingly, i said something along the same lines when he first told me. great minds think alike. haha.
so i ate my currypuffs then it was class 2 for thursday, also known as last class for the week. Time- in Physics, Literature and History. today was the lit bit, and we had an in- class assignment. though i saw it coming i wasn't prepared but wrote 2.5 pages of crap anyway. basically a PC of the passage. an excerpt from HG Wells's The Time Machine. hoooo well.
ended at 4, down to clementi to do settle some banking thing for mum, then it was off to city hall! sat at starbucks... had oreo cheesecake. yummmm. and i got a discount! cuz nunu loooooooves me. hahaha. yes kel, nunu is nurul. she's at starbucks suntec! whee! and yes i want readings. free monday after 4? meet you at ADM block... near atm. can? drop me an email la. (lim_fiz@yahoo.com.sg)
now anyone spam me i piak you! ok then me and suresh sat there talk nonsense do nonsense... and then we were off to fig and olive to meet the mum! she was fasting today. i would love to fast too but i can't afford to lose weight. and though i still eat when i break fast its never enough. i lose tremendous amount of weight in ramadhan. yearly. sigh.
nice little dinner for 3.
sat and yakked and laughed and then walked to PS to do some shopping then a train ride back where they both concluded that i bully people. WHAAAAAAAAAT ONLY! then call me pixie. and mini- mouse. but oh! i bully people. come on people. contrasting images can. how can be pixie and bully people? pixie is nice and tralalala. i shall start travelling around with pixie dust. haha.
and i told suresh to get a nose job cuz i think his nose is like very 'over'. haha. so sharp right? like PHWOAR ok dude you got a NOSE i get the point! ok then he says i'm just jealous cuz mine is flat which isn't true i mean ya its flat but i'm not jealous but hey what's the difference. everytime i see him i just squash his nose la. makes me feel good. hahaha.
life is like a bowl of tau huay. you can slice it in tiny pieces, eat them in chunky wholes, request for more syrup, have it cold, but at the end of the day it goes down your throat tasting the same as it did before and ends up as abject. i.e. shit. but that doesn't stop you from eating tau huay, does it? you can do anything you want to the tau huay but its essential element sustains. it is tau huay. it is what you make of it. you can eat it and if you say that was shit, it is shit. if you eat it and say that was good, it is good.
my point is, life is life is life. you make your own life. you decide what you want your life to be. life is the now the past the present the future the everything. everything is life.
and there can be all sorts of shit happening in my life but at the end of the day nothing is worth ending it. even shit itself is reason enough to go on. i mean, only life, can be so unpredictable, so surprising. some say we've come to expect newness, which is possibly true, but expecting newness doesn't mean we can anticipate WHAT that new thing is. and that's the beauty of it all. everyday something new, something brilliant, something horrific, something terrible, can happen.
and sometimes the helplessness of it all is just the icing on the cake. like all this shit around you and oh, you can't do anything. as dory says in finding nemo, just keep swimming.
and that's what you do. you can stop swimming and drown. or you can kick about violently and stay afloat but in so doing splash shit all around you. or you can keep calm and just... swim. you might hit the shore, you might hit utopia. you might die with shit in your nose. there's no knowing.
but that makes it all wonderful! who knows what tomorrow brings. another smile, another laugh, maybe a tear or two? maybe a fight. a break- up. a death. a birth. a new love. another sunrise. another sunset.
no matter how regular the sun rises and sets, no two sunsets or sunrise are the same. each is beautiful, in its own way. you can capture a sunset and you want to capture a sunset and immortalise it cuz you never know if tomorrow the sunset might be as beautiful. or more beautiful. or less. no knowing.
each day is special and precious, each day is new. each day is a treasure. being alive is a gift in itself and to let it go to waste cuz we're too busy desiring what God intended for someone else is such folly.
see, cuz all you need in this life is
a good coke float,
and love.
well well well. school today. innovations class where i got to present my VOLTAIC PILE! which worked! zinc plate, copper plate, carboard soaked in salt water, crocodile clips and an LED light and i'm a SCIENTIST! HO YEAH BOOOOOOO YA.
ok so anyway right then. i was DAMMMMMMMMMN hungry in the class. my stomach was rumbling. loudly. and on top of that my eyes were itching like crazy but due to the nature of my experiment i couldn't scratch it as i always do due to the high possibilities of copper sulphate and zinc oxide residue on my fingers; and needless to say; salt.
so there i was for a whole hour, rumbling stomach, itchy eyes and salty battery. such a dilemma. so what do you do?
message the maplek to get you food! :)
a very good maplek will help you get curry puffs. hehehe. and HE is a very good maplek. thank you! hee. *pokes eyeballs* haha.
and while he was doing that (getting me food i mean, not getting his eyeballs poked), he was ACCOSTED by an indian- muslim lady who asked him, "you want to go to the seaside?" hahahahaha. he said, "NO?" so dumb. i'd say yes. and see where she brings me! heh.
and as my mum said (yes i made him tell my mum the story haha), "skali she wear bikini how? wasted." interestingly, i said something along the same lines when he first told me. great minds think alike. haha.
so i ate my currypuffs then it was class 2 for thursday, also known as last class for the week. Time- in Physics, Literature and History. today was the lit bit, and we had an in- class assignment. though i saw it coming i wasn't prepared but wrote 2.5 pages of crap anyway. basically a PC of the passage. an excerpt from HG Wells's The Time Machine. hoooo well.
ended at 4, down to clementi to do settle some banking thing for mum, then it was off to city hall! sat at starbucks... had oreo cheesecake. yummmm. and i got a discount! cuz nunu loooooooves me. hahaha. yes kel, nunu is nurul. she's at starbucks suntec! whee! and yes i want readings. free monday after 4? meet you at ADM block... near atm. can? drop me an email la. (lim_fiz@yahoo.com.sg)
now anyone spam me i piak you! ok then me and suresh sat there talk nonsense do nonsense... and then we were off to fig and olive to meet the mum! she was fasting today. i would love to fast too but i can't afford to lose weight. and though i still eat when i break fast its never enough. i lose tremendous amount of weight in ramadhan. yearly. sigh.
nice little dinner for 3.
sat and yakked and laughed and then walked to PS to do some shopping then a train ride back where they both concluded that i bully people. WHAAAAAAAAAT ONLY! then call me pixie. and mini- mouse. but oh! i bully people. come on people. contrasting images can. how can be pixie and bully people? pixie is nice and tralalala. i shall start travelling around with pixie dust. haha.
and i told suresh to get a nose job cuz i think his nose is like very 'over'. haha. so sharp right? like PHWOAR ok dude you got a NOSE i get the point! ok then he says i'm just jealous cuz mine is flat which isn't true i mean ya its flat but i'm not jealous but hey what's the difference. everytime i see him i just squash his nose la. makes me feel good. hahaha.
life is like a bowl of tau huay. you can slice it in tiny pieces, eat them in chunky wholes, request for more syrup, have it cold, but at the end of the day it goes down your throat tasting the same as it did before and ends up as abject. i.e. shit. but that doesn't stop you from eating tau huay, does it? you can do anything you want to the tau huay but its essential element sustains. it is tau huay. it is what you make of it. you can eat it and if you say that was shit, it is shit. if you eat it and say that was good, it is good.
my point is, life is life is life. you make your own life. you decide what you want your life to be. life is the now the past the present the future the everything. everything is life.
and there can be all sorts of shit happening in my life but at the end of the day nothing is worth ending it. even shit itself is reason enough to go on. i mean, only life, can be so unpredictable, so surprising. some say we've come to expect newness, which is possibly true, but expecting newness doesn't mean we can anticipate WHAT that new thing is. and that's the beauty of it all. everyday something new, something brilliant, something horrific, something terrible, can happen.
and sometimes the helplessness of it all is just the icing on the cake. like all this shit around you and oh, you can't do anything. as dory says in finding nemo, just keep swimming.
and that's what you do. you can stop swimming and drown. or you can kick about violently and stay afloat but in so doing splash shit all around you. or you can keep calm and just... swim. you might hit the shore, you might hit utopia. you might die with shit in your nose. there's no knowing.
but that makes it all wonderful! who knows what tomorrow brings. another smile, another laugh, maybe a tear or two? maybe a fight. a break- up. a death. a birth. a new love. another sunrise. another sunset.
no matter how regular the sun rises and sets, no two sunsets or sunrise are the same. each is beautiful, in its own way. you can capture a sunset and you want to capture a sunset and immortalise it cuz you never know if tomorrow the sunset might be as beautiful. or more beautiful. or less. no knowing.
each day is special and precious, each day is new. each day is a treasure. being alive is a gift in itself and to let it go to waste cuz we're too busy desiring what God intended for someone else is such folly.
see, cuz all you need in this life is
a good coke float,
and love.
well so i can't make a battery out of lemon cuz i don't have one. i tried one from potato. can't too.
made a voltaic pile, copper and zince and cardboard soaked in salty water, alternating. nope. not working.
i wasn't meant to be a scientist la. but that don't matter now in this small small picture where grades matter. i need to get my battery to work! ARGH!
my table has a potato, with two incisions, now blackened overnight, as well as square copper plates and round zinc plates. and soaked cardboard. and a cup of salty water.
i don't really like it.
i don't like science.
ok i'm just cranky cuz my Voltaic Pile won't light up my LED. harumph.
this is what i want.
MPhil Writing
You usually need a good Honours degree in an arts subject. However, we consider it more important that you can demonstrate the clear and imaginative potential to complete a book.
This course will be of interest if you wish to further your skills as a writer. It is unique in being the only distance learning part-time MA/MPhil in Writing currently available outside North America. In the most recent TQA exercise, Creative Writing was given an ‘Excellent’ rating by the Teaching Quality Assessors. The tutors on the course are practising writers and have published award-winning poetry and novels. Former students have demonstrated success by winning the Charterhouse Prize – a national poetry award – securing a bursary of £2,000 and having short stories and poetry accepted for publication.
bahhhhhhhhhhh.
made a voltaic pile, copper and zince and cardboard soaked in salty water, alternating. nope. not working.
i wasn't meant to be a scientist la. but that don't matter now in this small small picture where grades matter. i need to get my battery to work! ARGH!
my table has a potato, with two incisions, now blackened overnight, as well as square copper plates and round zinc plates. and soaked cardboard. and a cup of salty water.
i don't really like it.
i don't like science.
ok i'm just cranky cuz my Voltaic Pile won't light up my LED. harumph.
this is what i want.
MPhil Writing
You usually need a good Honours degree in an arts subject. However, we consider it more important that you can demonstrate the clear and imaginative potential to complete a book.
This course will be of interest if you wish to further your skills as a writer. It is unique in being the only distance learning part-time MA/MPhil in Writing currently available outside North America. In the most recent TQA exercise, Creative Writing was given an ‘Excellent’ rating by the Teaching Quality Assessors. The tutors on the course are practising writers and have published award-winning poetry and novels. Former students have demonstrated success by winning the Charterhouse Prize – a national poetry award – securing a bursary of £2,000 and having short stories and poetry accepted for publication.
bahhhhhhhhhhh.