<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener("load", function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=5216436&amp;blogName=being+obscure%2C+clearly.&amp;publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&amp;navbarType=TAN&amp;layoutType=CLASSIC&amp;searchRoot=http%3A%2F%2Ffrubblescotch.blogspot.com%2Fsearch&amp;blogLocale=en_US&amp;homepageUrl=http%3A%2F%2Ffrubblescotch.blogspot.com%2F" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" height="30px" width="100%" id="navbar-iframe" allowtransparency="true" title="Blogger Navigation and Search"></iframe> <div></div>
I go by the moniker Fiza.
I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.




Bituwin - Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

i guess this time you're really leaving

today. good day.

alamak listening to bon jovi la.

yeahhhhhhhhh i'll be there for YOU! these 5 words i swear to you when you breaaaaathe i wanna be the AIR for you, i'll be THERE for YOU i'll live and i'd die for you, steal the sun from the sky for you, words can't say what love can do, i'll be there for youuuuu...

ok. eh wait.

i wasn't there when you were downnnnnn... didn't mean to miss your BIRTHDAY baby.... i wish i'd seen you blow those candles out... OOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

ok sorry. good mood, clearly.

aiya still got. wait.

WORDS CAN'T SAY WHAT LOVE CAN DOOOOO I'LL BE THERE FOR... I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU!!

argh. shiokeneneh. rock rock rock. rock neber die. wacayasamalu beb.

ok sorry. spreading the love. DAMN HAPPY LA CAN. happy like fuck. haha. happy happy happy. so happy that i am turning vulgar.

ok now. WHY am i so happy? because today i went to work. then i went for lunch. then i went for rag. then i was abit injured and tired. so didn't go back to work. so i went for naan at al- amin. and had milo dinosaur. then i called mum. and met her in town. and we went SHOPPING!

all i need in this life of sin is me and my mum. haha. and maybe borders and topshop and esprit and forever 21. ok fine orchard road. and desserts. i had crepes at causeway point delifrance! DAMN GOOD SHIT. they opened this delifrance bistro thingamajick there and they got DESSERTS now and its DAMN GOOD SHIT.

i say this SHIT is bananas, B! A- N- A- N- A- ASS!

so yesterday first. which was a good day till, as mentioned, i decided to go on personal rampage and make myself all agitated. but all's cool now, cool as carlito cabana. dunno what i'm talking about? go watch some wrestling.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
first, i got a new top from esprit. 10% off due to sales belen- belen (leftover sales period). perfect for date tomorrow with the belo one! and of course, sponsored by mum. :D

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
and cuz i live in a city of angels, dear girlfriend gail GAVE me jeans- which shrank so she can't wear it. GAVE. they're topshop size 8. shrank to fit a less- than- size- 6 me. oh joy.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
and cuz i did opening, friday night i ended work at 8 p.m. and hence managed to do some shopping. and finally dinner with mum. at GELARE!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
its a bird! its a plane! no its fiza, bored. and starved.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
THIS.IS.GOOD.SHIT.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
need i describe the utter joy withheld in this concoction of heaven named banana boat? sliced bananas, waffles, no boats. cool with me. chocolate overload and strawberry cheesecake yoghurt. ooh lordy.

if you didn't drool at any point of the above paragraphs check your tastebuds cuz HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
post- war scene.

then today after an exhausting session at rag, went to al- amin for naan, then town for shopping. and 4 things made my day.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
3 for the price of 2. i love borders.

that's the asti spumante code; a parody by toby clements. at the back it writes... "The small print- PAY ATTENTION! This book has not been authorised or endorsed by Dan Brown or his publishers." HAHAHA. DUH. its a parody of da vinci code la!

book 2 is
lovely green eyes; by arnost lustic, translated (was in czech) by ewald osers. Jewish girl escapes gas chambers cuz of Aryan looks. entire family dies though. gotta love war books.

so book 3 is
the railway man; by eric lomax. an autobiography; bout a man tortured by the Japanese on the Burma- Siam Railway.

mum paid. :))

and then of course la. THE thing which makes me absolutely ecstatic.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
esprit jacket, in MY size, at 50% off.

i know life ain't all about the goods. but i had a blast today.

and tomorrow?

a beautiful sunday awaits. when the clock strikes six, the silliest boy in the history of mankind who recently upped a kerb while driving will be gently taking my hands and leading me to a glorious sunday spent basked in love.

nothing like some belo dosage to make my week. :) its been a beautiful one.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Saturday, July 30, 2005

gone too fast

as fast as it came it went.

nothing really bad happened.

read some blogs and got me thinking... talked to some people and got me wondering.

i hate this feeling.

like i'm 12 again and on my was to discovering everything.

i like learning, i don't like re- starting.

which feels alot like what now is.

i don't want to re- do. i don't want to re- think and reconsider. i just want to float on and on till i crash and fall and burn and die.

arghhhh.

i can't sleep but i don't want to think.

this is going to hurt my head.

i declare today a semi- bad day; on account that events went fine, but i had to decide to go on this mini- rampage on my soul and get myself and distorted and have my knickers knotted.

pah.

Friday, July 29, 2005

wanted to blog much tonight.

pretty good day.

work, bought a top.

but something happened.

well not really something. some words? were mentioned?

i dunno.

i hate having to rethink.

cake and eat it.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

let your soul gravitate towards the love, y'all

keep the good days rollin'!

worked morning till seven- ish, then the banananess came and we did some errands. then i was off for tuition and she; off to work again. gone were days of town after school, which was the period of time we first became friends. town after school, after track practice, after anything at all...

now its squeezing time between jobs. :) we grow old but we don't grow apart.

work was fine, though my vision is getting blurry. all these spotlights at work. well okay. maybe also cuz my monthly contacts are like 3 months old. heh.

i think people at work could see i was kinda tired, running around the northern regions of singapore trying to earn my keep. they shifted me from doing opening to the noon shift. :))

so tomorrow i can have my long- delayed run around the neighbourhood, drop by school to settle some scholastic issues... then work. then tuition after that. busy as a bumblebee whee!

ok ok on to the HIGHLIGHT of today. i went for tuition right? i was late la. and i was SLEEPY. and i didn't bring a red pen (redundant i know but oh the joy of typing words as you please and no one to stop you like now. like now. like now. like now. ok enough).

i'm unstoppable!

but no, that too ain't the highlight of the day.

tsk i am so easily distracted. ok ok MY POINT IS...

MY TUTEE MADE ME TIRAMISU CANNNNNNNNN.
MAKE. AS IN SHE MAKE. BAKE. HERSELF. PUT CREAM. PUT BREAD. IN HER OVEN. HER FRIDGE. IN HER HOUSE. WITH APRON AND OVEN MITTENS.

ok i don't know what she wore exactly in the baking process but WEIIII. TIRAMISU LEI. my life rocks. ENVY ME ALL, ENVY ME, THE GREAT RULER OF THE UNIVERSE AND ANY PARALLEL UNIVERSES IN EXISTENCE!

balls and bollocks to you too!

random.

oh ya in the bus to school on monday, i was rudely awakened to how old i really am. in my days, avenues to free sex was easily available in any of your friendly neighbourhood sbs buses. you know the sort. "FREE SEX! Call 9******! SUPERSLUT." or the likes. these were such common sights i've come to anticipate them whenever i board a 96 at clementi.

but kids now have progressed far and beyond. its a sign of time. its revolutionary. we've arrived to a new era, one and all! its the start of a new regime, the sovereignty that be has gone. gone hence, are the days of free sex.

sex? what sex?

why fornicate...


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
when you can have a tiger.

i declare a coup d'etat upon this new supremacy!

all in favour say AYEYAYAYAYAYAI!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

boy you know i gotta go, but lord i wish it wasn't so

no work today as mentioned, woke up at noon and went back to peejay for some interview by the nexus reporters. :))

presenting...
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
the pioneer pioneers in the university scholars programme.

i think they (ariffin and juniors) would be damn sad to see these pictures. haha. this was after interview, on the way to rag dance practice. coincidentally, all 3 of us are in rag too! haha. weirdness.

felt great to go back there. and this year's peejay open house is on my BIRTHDAY can! and ariffin demanded we come back on teacher's day. haha so cute.

talked loads of peejay days. kinda warmed me and made me a wee bit sad and nostalgic. days of past can never come back and we can never emulate the exact same emotions and atmosphere of days gone. sigh.

peejay changed me. alot. i grew up real fast there thanks to the environment as well as pressure of exams.

wouldn't swap that experience for the world. :)

we took a cab down to xenbar in chinatown where dance prac was. pictures above taken when all 3 were bored in cab.

lingesh wants sri lankan boys (exotic), ying zhen wants korean girls (my no. 1!), fiza wants anyone smart enough who also knows how to have fun which is seemingly impossible for ANY races.

got to xenbar and danced. fun fun fun. though tiring. i think i should (again) think of doing dance again. but no TIME!

i dunno how many times in my life since i was 16 did i consider that. i am full of shit. HAHA.

after rag everyone was waiting for everyone else and me, suresh, nagoor, eugene and linette got tired of waiting and went off first. the rest went home straight, me and suresh had pastamania for dinner! YUMMM.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
yum no yum? marinara and fungus. haha. suresh had a bowl of fungus for dinner! and sorry suresh, i CAN'T get over it so DEAL.

took train back then met hana and farhana and hani (?) in the train. talk talk laugh laugh. great end to a nice day.

poor beloness took his driving today and failed the 3rd time. so SUAY one! next time kena mandi bunga la sayang.

other than his little glitch, but he's fine, not too depressed, all is well for the day. good days good days.

and i see a change in myself.

last time when i had one too many good days, i began to fret falling flat on my face. over time i learnt anticipation leads to instigation and accident.

hence i shall enjoy these good days, enjoy life's many blessings, and thank God for it all. :)


its in the details

what bliss. finally. to wake up at 12. been waking up early the past few days, this feels like a holiday in bali already. haha.

i like simple things. like waking up, switching on iTunes and immediately playing The Zutons Confusion. strummy strummy guitar tunes fill up the room... sunlight filters in... and i look past my laptop and see the framed photo of me and my dad...

and i know life is going to be good again.

many things can make me smile, too many things make me laugh, simplest things makes me feel like i might burst with joy.

easy- to- please or contented- with- life. take your pick.

and i'm not even an optimist. i don't believe in hope, in falling in love, in mush and romance and good thriumphing evil. i read of mass murderers, not of fairytale love stories with happy endings.

what we all need to find is our pleasure zone. not sexually. more than anything else, what made me so happy yesterday was that $6.40 book about infamous murderers.

a close friend went through mild depression upon the approach of her 20th birthday. she was disappointed in herself; at what little she has achieved in 20 years.

now another close friend is going through something similar. she feels that she hasn't done much in life... that life is meaningless. that she has no purpose and if so, she is better off dead.

though i have little respect of those who wish of death so easily, i guess in her situation it was excuseable. but like i always tell all my friends who feels unworthy of love, unworthy of life, unworthy of whatever, i'd say if you think its all really not wort it, if life has done absolutely NOTHING to you, life has been the absolute shit for all the years you've lived it, then END it.

and most can't. most can't bring that other foot out to the other side of the window. most can't bring the blade down for the slice.

cuz YOU KNOW life is good. in a moment of weakness when everything seems to have failed you, or you seem to have failed everyone, is not a good enough reason to end it. it took so much for you to get to where you are now, why end it?

self- murder is the most selfish thing in the world. the guilt it brings upon loved ones, the sorrow felt by others. i know of people contemplating suicide just so they can see, in death, how many actually cares about his/ her existence. i have no words for such thoughts.

life is what you make of it. you decide. i choose to be happy. i choose to appreciate everything, and not just keep whining and gazing at the one thing constantly out of reach. i choose to do what i can for the people i care for. i choose to make an impact among people who matters most to me. i see what i have in my hands, what i hold close, and most importantly, what i hold in my heart, and i know its enough reasons to go on waking up everyday.

How long after you are gone will ripples remain as evidence that you were cast into the pool of life?
Grant M. Bright

not everyone can save the world by 20. not everyone can find the cure for cancer. not everyone can make worldly contributions. not everyone can become a president.

but everyone can have love, everyone can derive simple joy in watching the sun set, in watching the beauty of a full moon, in laughing with friends over cheap instant noodles...

everyone can just start being happy with all that they have. cuz its really, always, more than enough.

everything in life is an option. to be happy, to be sad, to appreciate, to crave, to desire.

there's some things in life i might never get. i might probably never get to skydive. i might never buy a Prada bag in my life. hell, i might not even get the New York loft i crave so.

but if at the end of the day i die having lived life,

i say its been a good life.

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.
Gloria Steinem

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

brilliant!

i am having fantastic days. work is tiring, tuition straight after work is exhausting but by god i am having a blast!

bought a book. true crime through history; true stories of the 100 most famous murderers of the last two centuries.

i tell you, its gruesome. GRUEEEESOME.

awesome.

off day tomorrow! and i got interview at peejay tomorrow, then rag till 7. and am free after that. yay yay!

happy.

can't write much now. wanna go back to my book la.

more tomorrow, for sure.

town here i come!


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

(if the fonts are too small)

One day there was a boy named Saurkraut. He hailed from the land where all the evil lords respite, Taykongo. In this land, no one believes in owls and noodles. They believe that owls exist only in trees with holes in their barks and has elves dancing around it. Hence, this seems clearly impossible. These evil lords mock at believers, and tell them they will never find owls. As fate would have it, the mighty Pink Tellytubby Tipsy Lalaplop came into their land and provides Googled evidence of not just owls existence, but existence within a nearby island, Urbine Island! And to their utmost shock and horror, the strong and powerful Pink Tellytubby also came with a bowl of noodles. As punishment, they had to sacrifice one of their evil members to swim across the giant bowl of noodles. Tragically, his feet got tangled in noodles and he died a colourful and spicy death.

THE END.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
the strong and mighty Tipsy Lalaplop.

Monday, July 25, 2005

blasted insomnia

i can't sleep.

and i miss you by blink182 is on repeat.

i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonight, i need somebody and always

my EYEBAGS are throbbing.

insomnia partly due to discomfort caused by cramps i would think.

the BALLS of my feet are throbbing.

its 2.30 a.m. and i've got to wake up in 7 hours.

i predict complete and total breakdown of the body this wednesday.

and that is for the best too, cuz that's my off day.

don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head

i miss you.


all i wanna say is that, they don't really care about us

no, all i wanna say is that i am TIRED la CAN?!

worked 12- 10.30 pm today. tomorrow 10.30- 3, tuition 3.30- 5, rag dance 6- 9 pm. my head's doing spinneroolly's lookingat these times.

i told hana, "i look at the work schedule, and all i see is, 'you're going to be tired.'" haha. but tonight hana and me worked the last 5 hours together so that wasn't so bad. i think they should put us together. we get more sales. cuz we are super friendly when put together.

i can barely hold myself up. stupid cramps are back here again, regular as clockwork. what greatness is there in womanhood if you bleed monthly and it comes with killer cramps?

the money pushes me on la. plus the fact that the job is pretty fun. can do la. but shan't speak too soon. opening the stall alone tomorrow, and will be alone for about 1.5 hours. aiyee.

still loving life.

albeit with tired feet, arms, legs, painful head, tummy back and drained mind. :)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

pain on the balls

of my feet.

yesterday was at the cart from 10.30- 8 pm, as mentioned. standing. today i had lunch with suresh at 12, went for rag dance from 1.30- 4.30, then worked, from 5.30 to 10.30. my feet are just about murdered right now.

and i haven't eaten. got slight fever. as always, kills appetite. lucky for me, ladies at work are nice. got me ya kun kaya toast. so that's 5 ya kun's in a day. had it for lunch too. food for the day? 5 kaya toast slices, 1 warm beancurd. lots of water. and hall's candy. and horlicks peng.

i am sad. i want crepes! from simpang bedok!

speaking of which here's pictures from thursday which was supper at simpang bedok. i live in the north okay, so once in a while reach the east, its a damn big deal.

look! the easterners haaaaaaaaaave...
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
FRITY cordials! pretty and fruity and funny! had a good laugh over this. after midnight everything seems funnier, ey.

but then, they also have the powerest of the powerfullest;
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
milo dinosaur. whipped cream leiiiii. beat THAT, al- amin! it convinced me and suresh to eat milo powder with whipped cream. only. someday. haha.

and then. the MUHANAS of ALL muhanases. the EVIL LORD of all evil elements. the reason why i want to marry the cook. the reason why now i am whimpering cuz i want more. the reason why life is never gonna be the same again...
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
waffles. with bananas. vanilla ice- cream. chocolate sauce. butterscotch. crushed nuts. ARGH.

and as quickly as it came,
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
it went.

you da man.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
that's him with his bible, singaporestreetdirectory. while i was helpfully laughing at him flipping pages. and snapping pictures of bedok market at night. haha.

we had a grass- tickle war at changi. where there's LOTS and LOTS of tents! and this man caught a HUGE fish and was like super struggling with it and like half of changi beach came to see him reel it in. to his credit, it was big la. i tell you those bells on their fishing reels are like microcosms of their ego. with every tinkle, it means, "i caught a fish!" and if you hear louder tinkling and vigorous ringing bells on another, it says, "i caught a BIGGER fish!" even fishing poles are phallic these days.

but back to grass.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
changi beach has some very nice overgrown grass. good for tickling ears, nose, face, and sometimes feet.

suresh was being very mean.

so i slapped him.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
actually no, he slapped himself.

actually no, he just shielded himself from the flash. silly boy. i blinded him with the flash later on anyway.

the belo boy and me have serious time management problems la. sometimes it seems we might as well be living in different continents. cuz the last i saw him was housewarming, which is a week ago. and even that was just... a housewarming. then 2 weeks back he came over with chicken. the one and only date we had since resurrection was 1st july. we had plans to meet tomorrow but work, which was supposed to start at 3, was made earlier to 11.30 a.m. ah well.

another day another time.

rag on the other hand, is FUN! haha. i always have fun at rag. this year our item is more elaborate, more moves. more fun too. salsa is interesting. very sensual, in all its men leading women bit. but of course there's nothing sexy about dancing with sweaty smelly boys who watch their feet (and yours) like a hawk. nope, not sexy at all.

but its good to learn la. then maybe one day i will meet a sexy salsa dancer. you know, like richard gere in shall we dance. :) that was good movie.

i finished my book, superbly macabre, hilariously absurd, with mindblowing dark humour. dan rhodes don't tell me the truth about love. read it or regret it. up for loaning if you want it. or get it at borders for only $18.85. :)

excerpt.

He stood a few feet away from his wife, who had more than quadrupled in size since their wedding day. He dried his eyes and lookedat the huge purple- veined breasts that rested on top of top of her enormous hanging gut, at the way her face was twisted out of shape by her despair and absence of teeth, and was pitted grey from its lack of exposure to sunlight and water. Her skin was rough, and stretched into horrific shapes. It was covered by a salty, slimy, and in some places fishy layer or sweat, grime and stale sex. And her hair, her beautiful hair, had gone... Every time she breathed, globules of saliva dripped down her chinor sprayed on to her belly. Her stench filled his nose and mouth, and seemed to cling to him inside and out; odours so nauseating that he had never encountered them elsewhere... He looked at her legs, at the rolls of fat hanging over her knees, and was it...? Was it...? His eyes took a while to focus through the tears. Yes it was. The tiniest rivulet of diarhoeal faeces snaked its way down the hairy moonscape of her inner thigh before becoming lost in a fold of skin, and forming, maybe joining, an underflesh reservoir.

... His wife offended every one of his senses. Every single one. But he loved her more than anything else in the world, and this love seared through the sight he saw and the way she stank. Her wheezing voice jarred his nerves, but so what? The roughness of her skin meant nothing to him, and neither did its slimy coating. His love battered its way through all this to what was inside. To what she was. His wife, whom he adored.

He threw his arms around her, and kissed her as she had never been kissed, running his fingers across her uneven crop of hair, and slipping his arms up to the elbow in damp folds of fat. For hours they stood together, lost in each other's love. When, fianlly, time came to stop, he drew back just far enough to look straight into her puffy red eyes.

"I love you, Consuela." His words rang out with the purity of a church bell on a Christmas morning. For the first time in his life he knew he had really meant it, that he did love her, and for the first time in her life Consuela felt loved; loved for what she was. They stood in each other's arms knowing, at last, that they had found true love.

so sweet and so sad, knowing i'll never have something like that.

Friday, July 22, 2005

i would love to blog about my lovely supper with suresh at simpang bedok where we had waffles to die for which tasted like a piece of heaven and edible sex, and the night sky at changi beach where we hung out later and laughed at tents and also the belo one sweet gestures and sacrifices that moves me to tears as i speak...

but i am TIRED.

i work 10.30 am- 8 pm at causeway point then i teach tuition from 8.30- 10 pm. and now i'm just a culmination of exhausted blood cells and human tissue.

all for the money.

i've got pics to upload and stories to tell but time is of the essence. a much delayed dinner then, sleep. tomorrow i've got dance prac from 1.30- 430, then work again from 5- 10.30 pm.

busy as a bumblebee.

a good update soon. till then, take care all. love always.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

its cool to fake romances

on dashboard binge. playlist playing it over and over again. ahhh.

long day this has been, it is it is. but a good one! well- spent. i think if i slowly master this form of time management, i will be able to do much more this coming semester. yesyes.

woke up at 10 by myself! yes! no more alarm clocks! alarm set for 1 but i woke up at 10! i am so impressed with my body clock. *pats body clock* good going. all in good time for school!

so since i was up early! i could meet hananess for lunch! so we did. causeway point. back to basics. had long john silver for lunch.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

then we saw this trolley cart near the atrium, i bought this pretty hairband, and this woman offered to interview us for a job with them. *stunned look* everything works out in jamban world/ world of the toilet bowl. and there were so many nice stuffs! i hope i get staff discount. i liked their bags. *cough*birthday*cough* hahahahahaNA.

AND THEN! we went to toys section of metro cuz fiza needs to buy toy car. kids who came on sunday played with my porche and now its MISSING! i am depressed. but feel slightly better. cuz i got a lambhorghini now. a bigger one. :D:D forgot to snap a pic. aiya some other day. all the pics of my cars ok?

then when we were there my birthday wishlist GREW by a trillionfold! first there was the WWE Championship Belt. but it was the tag team one. i want the individual one. sorry, that one also forgot to take picture. haha. then i saw TOY CARSSSSSSSSSS. MANY MANY TOY CARS.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
puh- leeeeeese get me this. its the 1960s ferrari model. 1:18 die cast metal i think? its GORGGORGORGEOUS.

but any toy cars will do. but i don't like the racing sort! i always love those 60s models. cabriolets. yummy.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
endless crush on superman, batman comes a close second cuz he is so hot, all brooding and shit. but superman is my no. 1 la. he is SUPERman can?

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
when i saw this i was so excited hana had to tell me to calm down. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!!?! THIS MEANS I CAN REALLY BE THE THING! LIKE FOR REAL! that's a face mask and a chest. and those are feet. SO COOL. SOOOOO COOL. i WANT.

ok anyway so after lunch (and drooling session at toys department), was tuition at sembawang with girlgenius. its bliss teaching her. she always asks questions so i never have to keep asking her if she understands what i'm saying. see? two- way communication is the way to ideal tutoring sessions. but anyhow.

post- tuition was rag at xenbar @ chinatown. i felt like a tourist walking past those shops! and i got chatted up by an ang moh! haha. he asked me if i was local... or was i a tourist like him. -_- apui.

salsa is getting more and more fun as i get a better grasp of it. and dance moves are nice too. :) and i like this year's rag group. bigger and more hahahahappening. haha. no but i still love you raggers 04/ 05.

then me, suresh, nagoor, boredin, jamie and qingru took a cab down to cineleisure for a snappy dinner at burger king then our movie at 8.05 p.m. the island is GOOOOOOOOOD. go watch it. though i agree with boredin, the ending abit stunted. but scarlett johansson is hooooooot. go catch.

as always, time spent with the willies, or in particular, boredin, results in much laughter. :) i had fun. thanks guys. let's do this again some time. we willy wonkians GOT to catch charlie and chocolate factory together!

boredin and nagoor had to rush off... but lil' freshie suresh remembered my fondue craving. :)) so me him and jianhao went for fondue at coffee club express. time well- spent. i love these boys la. so nice.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
<3>

violated chocolate.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
jeng jeng jeng!

that was my chocolate spills. haha. so anyway after that we took our train back, with jianhao frustratedly exchanging messages with kancheong spider of the millenium, boredin. then got to my stop...

rushed back home and rushed down again cuz nydia was at my void deck, with cab waiting. wanted to borrow a kebaya top for racial harmony day at her school. she's doing relief. you'll look smashing dear. lucky girl's school uh? ;)

good days i have. though i must say i've terribly neglected friends and family. one day one day.

thank you God for another day well- spent in great company. thank You for all Your blessings and abundance of happiness.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
happy girl.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

and now good morrow to our waking soules

i loooove john donne. if there's one thing i'll be grateful to jc lit for, it'll be for exposing me to john donne's works.

the whole of today was wet and rainy... good thing too, since my tuition session was at night, i had the whole morning, day and afternoon to sleep... just snuggle deep into my warm blanket and snooze.

supposed to meet the beloness at causeway point for a bit after his driving lesson... but the weather and my sudden determination to create the perfect time table for next semester deemed my ass to heavy to be uplifted to the regions of beyond my door. so i told him to just come over with food and we'll chat over tv. and that we did. we even managed to watch guiness primetime records. one guy eats metal and glass. like bite, chewchewchew and swallow. GROSS LA! at that point we were eating our yummy black pepper and honey chicken respectively, and i wondered why any sane human would pass over chicken for bolts and nuts. to each his own aye.

and then there was this guy, tommy cole, if i'm not mistaken, who tried to break the record of ashrita amrin (or something), the strongest man in the world, who has done somersaults for like, dunnohowmanymiles, jumped on a pogo stick for x times UNDERWATER in PIRANHA- INFEST waters, among other things. and the record tommy dude was trying to break was 62 glasses carried by his chin, held there for more than 10 seconds. he went for 81. can someone please say, "overachiever"?

of course, too many glasses, too much pressure, glasses kept cracking, and on second attempt, the whole freak statue of glasses cracked in the middle and crashed, some landing on his head. i tell you. NOTHING BETTER TO DO. NOTHING. I SWEAR. do maths! eat chocolates! count sheeps! peel mangoes! try painting with your toes! WHY 81 GLASSES ON YOUR CHIN?!!?

humans baffle me.

well anyway i had a nightmare during my noon nap. and my nightmares ALWAYS involve the central theme of entrapment.

so either i'm innately gothic, or my claustrophobia has reached my subconscious. of which neither does much good for my fledgling sanity.

this is why i hate that long- ass orchard road underpass. especially on crowded weekends. i always have this mental flashback of all the open ends of the tunnel collapsing and there will be this large vacuum where we will be stuck with no exit. aiyeeeeeeee. cannot!

my noon nap that comprised of that little nightmare even had a soundtrack! throughout the final bit when i was escaping (in a blue fiat with broken brakes, no less; and a monstrous man ran and caught up with the car and smashed the roof with an axe cuz we were driving so slowly) the monstrous place where i was initially trapped in, a song was playing in the background (i distinctively remember this scene to be in black and white, except for the axe which was very red- like sin city like that!), "I'm not okay, I'm not okay, Well, I'm not okay, I'm not o-fucking-kay, I'm not okay, I'm not okay." yes. my chemical romance. angsty rock.

sheesh.

even my dreams are becoming wannabe art house films. complete with pseudo arty screen cuts, in black and white and still frames, and angsty mtv- like shots with music. if my nightmares were made into movies, the director would definitely be rob zombie; maestro of the macabre.

i remember watching one of his movies; house of a thousand corpses. by the end of the movie, the whole world seemed to have been painted over a different colour. every element every feature seemed potentially dangerous, you even get a slight migraine and everyone starts to resemble a serial killer. now that's the making of an effective director. though i left the theatre thoroughly mindfucked, it just goes to show how mindblowingly awesome a director he is.

well enough about rob zombie. so anyway. in truth i don't even like elevators much. never know when you might just get stuck and be dangling in the viscera of your HDB flat. no thank you.

however fear doth not overcameth my sloth. till it does, forget ever seeing me clambering up the stairs.

and today is a very spesel day. so spesel that i am going to celebrate by eating putu mayam. if i can find it.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
dear belo fireman wannabe, thank you for a month of blissful loving.

and now good morrow to our waking soules,
which watch not one another out of feare;
for love, all love of other sights controules,
and makes one little roome, an everywhere.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

wah shiok shiok shiok. if i get all the modules and tutorial slots i want, i will have...

A TWO DAY WEEK NEXT SEM LA DEI!

power tarema.


three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for ticketcharge!

even though they can't beat sistic la. they got to it first. last year, 27th november, sistic brought down the beatels tribute band from down under. sidenote: why are most tribute bands from aussie?

but ticketcharge upped them this year! with abba tribute band bjorn again coming on the 20th and 21st august and bee gees tribute band on 10th september. honestly, this would make the bestest birthday gift ever.

i know i am way ahead this year. haha. well it ain't my fault! and i so wanna watch the bravery in concert. and i must catch womad or else stage suicide, cuz as it is, i missed ballet under the stars due to housewarming event. was so looking forward to that. next year. again. sigh. for the record, i ended up coming home late anyway, cuz i ended up at geylang, looking for fairy lights. in the end i found the ones i liked best strung- up on the ceiling of nameless shop. wheedled a lil' and got it. thankfully. he was about to sell to me chasing lights, ala the ones you see on christmas trees. cheei!

tuition tomorrow at night. late afternoon shall meet the beloness at causeway point for a lil' tete- a- tete. we hit a month on wednesday but we'll both be busy that day so no go. pushed to saturday or something i guess. no big deal la. i even had to cancel on kak za for wednesday. feel terrible but can't help it. got commitments. but i will meet up with all the necessary people soon enough, promise.

alamak listening to beegees now. feeling la!

oooh off to borders soon to get more beatles memorabilia for my mini- shrine. :D more more more! raaaah.

long train rides to and fro school and home hasn't been so bad thanks to suresh, my lil' freshie. he takes the train to yio chu kang. so at least we won't be so bored la. but we see each other alot due to this travelling. haha. and today in the train, he revealed black shoe polish. from his bag. i questioned its existence and he was unable to answer. haha. he said something about me stepping on his shoes (cuz he is so anal about white shoes! so more fun to step on!) and he having to polish them (with BLACK shoe polish, mind you). so i told him to. he refused. said he'll do mine since mine was black. "but mine's canvas!" "and mine?" and i proceeded to rub his shoe with the soles of my scruffy black sneakers. haha. he said you should feel with your fingers, not the sole of your shoes, but i said i had x- ray touch, like x- ray vision. haha. whereby my sense of touch is heightened and every touch, even from rubber soles of shoes is actually felt strongly and sends a message to my thought process and...

i was going to go on but he shushed me. i guess i must have looked lost, like, why are you shushing me? "you sound really psychotic now. like borderline. you're really about to tip the scale of insanity. you go on you will really lose it. then wait your mum ask me i dunno how to answer. er we were in the train, talking about shoes... then she like that."

hahaha what the shit. i guess he doesn't know my sanity went MIA a long time ago. *smiles pleasantly*

so yes. i got good company. but when school starts for real, that maplek (as the belo one calls him) gets free rides to school so i'll be stuck travelling 8 stops back and forth. sighhhhhhh.

oh we also crash coursed on indian food. i insisted mee kuah was indian. and he asked which part of mee kuah sounded indian to me? humph. it is la! and i said so is mee goreng. cuz when people order they ask for mee goreng mamak. and indians cook it! and he said mee kuah is like mee rebus. i said no. one is malay and one is indian. he said why? cuz indians cook it? then i said yes. then i said cuz its derived from mee goreng, which is indian, and gravy is added to make mee kuah, hence it is indian. he doesn't get it. pah. and maybe its in malay cuz in tamil no one would order it cuz its too hard to pronounce. mee kuah. ok mah. rolls of the tongue pretty easily.

we have to go tekka for thosai la. and the zoo. we will have so many og outings it'll be madness! haha.

listening to please don't go. aiyo. damn shiok la! can't wait! bravery, bee gees, abba. music maketh my life.

Feel I'm goin' back to Massachusetts,
Something's telling me I must go home.
And the lights all went out in Massachusetts
The day I left her standing on her own.

Tried to hitch a ride to San Francisco,
Gotta do the things I wanna do.
And the lights all went out in Massachusetts
They brought me back to see my way with you.

Talk about the life in Massachusetts,
Speak about the people I have seen,
And the lights all went out in Massachusetts
And Massachusetts is one place I have seen.

I will remember Massachusetts...
Massachusetts; Bee Gees

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
where's the psycho, where? i don't see no psycho.

Monday, July 18, 2005

blogging with only a towel wrapped around me

brr, cold day, innit? got tuition in a bit then there's rag after that. i don't really mind tutoring. this kid is girl- genius. haha.

i just downloaded jamiroquai's virtual insanity. reminds me of secondary school days... :) if my secondary school days had a theme song it would be green day's time of your life. one, cuz it WAS the time of my life and two, cuz my then- boyfriend and several other trackmates, would always play that song on the guitars. those were the days. such simplicity, all unappreciated.

when i was a kid birthdays was marked with big celebrations and my mum would actually dress up as a clown. it was always a big affair... even when it was a small party, it felt big cuz i felt so much love. relatives, schoolmates, they were all that mattered.

then my dad passed away and secondary school started and everything took an abrupt turn and never was the same again. not like i would still want a party with clowns, mind you. it just doesn't feel the same. sometimes i try hard to make myself believe that my teen birthdays were as great, or some better, than the ones when i was a kid but of course that's not true. and at the end of the day i always felt shortchanged, like something will always be amiss.

maybe birthdays are just for kids. once you get older you learn to just be grateful for each day of being alive, instead of a whole year. and far from celebrating, sometimes you spend much of your birthday mulling in reflection. getting old, getting old.

BUT life has been kind and i believe it'll always be and there's nothing for me to complain about. i've been blessed with more than anyone can ask for and for that i am grateful.

the day you were born you start dying
so you might as well, have a good time

Sheeps Go To Heaven; Cake


houston, we have a problem

home was attacked in droves. i almost went blind due to migraine attacks. haha. and kids... many many many kids.

some kids are naughty, some kids are just not well brought- up. though i would never say it in my place to judge the upbringing of a child, i would say i have a general rule on how my kids should behave, if i ever have any. kids are meant to have fun, i'll be last to dispute that. but to be rowdy in strangers' homes, to be rowdy towards strangers, to not be able to talk as per normal and only shout, to wail the moment you wake up even though you're already 3 years old and your mum is steps away, is too much. my basic rule is this; i have kids cuz i like kids. if i wanted monkeys, i'd go to the zoo.

other than the exhaustion of hosting, and watching over a bunch of accident- prone kids, housewarming was a success. thanks to all who came, sorry if i couldn't actually be a good host. too many people, too little time.

i've got the cough still and i'm beginning to sound breathless when i do. mum suspects its lelah, a mini- me of asthma. hoo well. to the doctor's tomorrow i guess.

tuition tomorrow then lunch/ dinner with suresh before going for rag practice. salsa!

busy busy life till school starts. don't mind, don't mind at all...

tired as hell.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
and this is why. :)

Sunday, July 17, 2005

remember i mentioned i instant makeover- ised my room? well kudos to a granduncle who came over and did all the drillings and my best friend farhana who came over at midnight last night to do some last minute clearing (we cheated, alot went under the bed, haha). i love my new room. can i never leave?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
my shelves. with a whole shelf dedicated to beatles. haha. mum calls it my beatles shrine.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
study table. which was previously covered by cardboard, full to the brim and only had minimal space for my laptop and no more. haha.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
spotlights on the wall that unforetunately, haven't been wired up. and yes, that's my whole array of trophies up there.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
lovenest. ;)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
"wadrobe". *gesticulates inverted commas ala mini- me* that's just a cheap clothes rack covered by curtains. i like the curtains. goes well with the lights. what lights? you shall see.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
every room of mine has a stone zone. as if i limit my stoning to a ZONE but you catch my drift.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
swing chair! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
lights! which was previously on geylang road just last night! hahaha. i wheedled with the man for it cuz its so pretty and has STARS... its really gorgeous at night. dimly- lit stars slowly fading on and off. whee whee whee.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
enter my lair, why don't you.

that's my door, with my name written in turkish calligraphy and a row of 7 pictures of me, my family, stuff like that.

*hugs room and runs around the world with it*

haha ok housewarming starts soon. gotta get busy.

have a great sunday all!

Friday, July 15, 2005

busy busy busy

whoosh! housewarming is an olympic event on its own la! wah piang. have been cleaning up since the whole of today. woke up in the morning, cleared stuff, then off for tuition, came back, cleaned up more, ate, cancelled tuition, then now here. more cleaning up to do then off to jam.

and tomorrow, i shall go for rag practice at nus. with my three freshies. haha. then BALLET UNDER THE STARS with the cheena minah la dei! shiok kenehneh! then home, more clearing, then the housewarming itself on sunday noon.

and good LORD my room is being instant makeover- ised. previously, there was just a clothes rack, not wadrobe- cuz i didn't want one. why? no idea. haha. then a single daybed. a table, a chest of drawer and my bedside table with its magazine stack. ok? now its been totally revamped. meaning all the decorative items i bought from ikea from the time i was 15 till today, is up. and god i am SO EXCITED. hahaha. will take pictures once all is clear. now my room pretty much resembles a bombed warzone. like always.

but wonder of wonders, i'm not tired. well not exhausted- tired. happily- tired. that my time is not being whittled away unnecessarily. i feel useful. haha.

somehow over the 3 days in camp i didn't miss anyone. not even the apek. didn't even call home nor him. i guess when company's good you tend to not be as homesick. and i managed to convince 4 freshies to join rag. suresh, nagoor, weiliang and sherilyn. and then after rag, after few more tuitions, it'll be school again... :)

determined to make year 2 a much better one. and it can only be uphill from my all- time low last semester. more empty talk? we shall see.

i bought frame and pictures from ikea. and put it on the wall along the stairs up. oh gorgeousness. can't believe its so easy to beautify your house with such inexpensive decor. frame was 5 bucks each, pictures were on sale, $10 for 3. so that's $25 for instant sophisticated home- styling. i love interior decorating! and i bought a $19 rattan chair. which really reminds me of my 'study area' from my first home at west coast. i had a rattan chair just like the one i bought. :))

i am a bit high. too happy. jamming and camping and rag dancing and decorating the home... all my favourite things! joy joy joy!

i sound so annoying. haha. can't help it la. i like my life. everyday it gives me a new thing to be grateful for. endless bounty, thank you dear God.

during camp we played captain's ball in the sea, OGLs versus freshies. OGLs TRASHED freshies. yay! and of course, 1st day of camp, all freshies thought i was a freshie too. haha. but back to game. cuz it was low tide, we were pretty far on the beach. where muddy sand were (EW) and sharp rocks with dead corals and crystallized salts on it (ouch). so now my toes are all cut and sliced, like a scene from a bad slasher movie. haha.

and i'm short. pah.

but that's ok. lots of girls are short. haha. and maya, isn't husni coming into nus this sem? this is so weird. boys who were one year my senior while i was in year 1 jc are now my juniors in uni. and its hard to keep remembering that the boys at camp were all at least a year older than me. i always regarded them as younger than me. ah well.

happy happy happy. my room looks great my life looks great my home looks great...

its all good.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
my og, willy wonka. :)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

exhausted, dehydrated, burnt and happy as hell

camp was, believe it or not, a blast. i never thought the day would come when i would attend a camp, much less be an OGL. goes to show, miracles doth happen.

3d2n in aloha loyang bungalows which are huge and comfy. the OGLs were hilariously random and our freshies warmed up fast. late night chats in room, in veranda, will always be remembered. :)

and of course, what's fiza without new boys. haha. my ogl had 5 girls initially, and only 2 guys. this then dwindled into 3 girls and 2 guys, which suited us just fine i guess.

i was constantly watching over them and mothering them that at one point one of the girls, nagoor said, "wah you are so domestic!" hahahaha. i think my mum would vomit blood if she had heard that.

played the games, did the performance, paraded our mascot...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
willy wonka. :D

light traveller i was, i didn't bother packing shoes. i thought slippers would do. how wrong. today we had an amazing race. and there was so much running involved i ended up with a bleeding blister. all in the name of fun. haha.

night one i slept in the boys' room, 4 on the queen bed, 4 including me, on the floor in separate sleeping bags. and cuz sleeping habits are one of the most hilarious things to observe, me and suresh ended up sleeping much later than the rest cuz we couldn't stop laughing or commenting on each and every funky noise made. hehe. some boys and snore and some boys snort but that's all right with me... but if they try to steal my blanket i won't let it be...

day 2 was beach games of which i was in charge of one. and it was a beachside game. sun was glaring down on us and now i am possibly burnt beyond recognition. of course, my lovely friends, DUNKED me. cuz i was dry. and they were all wet from games. i tell you. is it MY fault?

speaking of which i got chummy to some of the freshies, one of them being suresh. and he was so well- trained that by the end of the day, when i randomly blame him for things (like my blister bleeding, like chilli sauce on my tee, like me not getting enough sleep) he would just say, "ya ya i know... its my fault." hahaha good ah?

it was him and jamie and me and nydia (who crashed) and cheryl who chat a bit on night 2, about ghost stories. by the fourth story cheryl was beyond freaked and went back. since it was dark, me suresh and jamie walked her and nyd to the cab station. many more stories exchanged after their departure. at one point i was so freaked i grabbed suresh's arms. hahaha.

then we laid a sleeping bag on the verandah and me and jamie and suresh talked more ghost stories. and by the time i tried sleeping, i kept being startled awake every few minutes, and i just gave up trying. suresh said it happened a few times, me suddenly jolting in my sleep. i guess i was more scared than i thought.

morning we were briefed and off to morning games. run around the world, then get a bleeding blister. but it will all be fine.

so much more to say but am exhausted. so very very. heat and rain and sun and shine and clouds and etc. i am nodding off even as it type. so good night all. more tomorrow.

new crush in development!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

where were you while we were getting high

beach was a blast. blast blast blast. i don't know WHY anyone complains about mondays. i have great mondays! mondays blues shmlues.

am a lil' tired, a lil' sleepy and have yet to pack for camp tomorrow. so here goes pictures. blast blast blast. blast like muhanas. mwahaha.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
view from our room. we got a gorgeous balcony. sighhh.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

you know what. i give up. photobucket is being a pain. am tired as hell. and i really gotta pack. more pics, visit my multiply page.

day 1 was rainy. so we lazed about... and i read my book. damn good shit! dan rhodes don't tell me the truth about love. someday i'll be back with excerpts. but its really good la. i think i will buy all his books. he's goooood.

night time we wandered by the beach... pretty fun. bought chips and such from 7- 11. and just sat and chat. nice nice. then we wandered around the hotel. then watched the haunting. she slept. -_-. later on amin my band's guitarist called and we talked rubbish for a bit. then i went back in, read, and slept.

day 2 started at 8 a.m. went straight to tanjong beach to make full use of the bright sun cuz it didn't look like it was gonna last. haha. we took the beach train and the driver was this extremely cute and hot bhai. mmm, sedap.

bathed at tanjong. beautiful waters. very quiet too. bliss is beach on a monday. and the waves were damn strong. whooosh.

then walked to palawan's 7- 11 and bought nasi lemak, heated it up... and SHIOKENENEH LA! piping hot nasi lemak after a stint on the beach is... wah laoooo eh.

took bus back to siloso and hotel... changed up and left piles of sand all over the place. TERRIBLE! haha. macam muhanas.

bus ride back to harbourfront... then walla. cab to IKEA. and blew $300. she made me lift this huge banana- like tree onto the flat trolley. she ah. tree maniac. my house is gonna look like a scene from jumanji or something.

see pics for detailed clarifications. or not. i dunno. its all messed in my head.

by the way for the interested, housewarming this sunday. doa will be done after zohor/ noon prayers. so 2ish onwards would be good if you wanna come for the food and a lil' sightseeing for the home of this wretchedly insane blog owner. text or call me for details.

and now i gotta pack for camp. i HAD to spend 3 hours at macs admiralty talking to two mad women. namely farhana starbucks stalker and hana. jeepers.

my eyes are barely open.

grrrahhhh.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

aye aye aye

off to the beach now, me and the mum, so no entries till monday night. tuesday morning i'd be going into camp. so next entry is prolly thursday. lalala.

can't wait can't wait! not so much cuz of sentosa itself... but cuz i'm with my mum. see, she grew up at sentosa, back when it was still called blakang mati. so much of her childhood memories were laid there. and i look forward to seeing all the places she used to go, the places my aunts and uncles used to play together as kids... fun!

her school is the building at sentosa that has been turned into a maritime museum. or something like that. many many walks i foresee. and shangri- la! good food! and a big bed! kinda miss my queen bed since i moved but hey, single does me just fine. :)

i sound terribly chirply. tsk tsk. its only 1. i haven't been up this early since a very long time. haha.

i dreamt of my crush! he was singing! which he always is but he is singing in my dreams too now! mwahahaha. maybe i should just kidnap him and erase his memory so that he won't know remember he's attached and i just kidnapped him. then hynotize him into liking me. then release him into the free and pretend nothing happen. then we shall live happily ever after. :D

anyway its not all a good sunday cuz the beloness was supposed to meet me, before i go sentosa or even accompany me at sentosa for a bit. unforetunately, his grandfather had breathing difficulties earlier today and was admitted to the hospital. *bites nails* i hope your atuk is okay, dear. :(

i hate it that i would be frolicking in the sun being all sunshine girl while the dear one might be fretting over the health of a loved one. tsk. moral dilemmas. endless!

ok we are late checking in. i'll be off now. all my love to my friends who read and strangers; hello. :)

and take care. all of you. please. i'm becoming a wee bit paranoid about sick friends.


some boys are worth a million laughter

went jamming. hence the late night entry. just got back. as usual, ali sent me back.

sat at the bugis kopishop till 3- plus. jamming ended at 1. and all we did was sit down and talk alot. and laugh. hahaha. the boys are very funny. hope this goes far la. such fun la. i look forward to each jamming session, and especially the lepak session at the end. :))

pre- jam was me and farhana in town. she came late, we went for dinner, then sat outside zara to people watch. saturdays' are best days for people- watching! so many WEIRDOS! hahaha. there was this one guy, whose bike just DIED or something, i dunno what... and he pushed his bike to a corner... and sat on the bike, helmet off. and then for 10 whole minute he sat there, smoke, talk on the phone. farhana and me watched him intensely, while i kept laughing "oh my god his bike died!" later a girl came and shook his hand. and kiss it. like salam la. then i said, "ohhh wait for girlfriend la." then two more girls came up and did the same thing. farhana, "uncle?" hahaha. cuz you only kiss the hands of the elderly/ people you respect la.

then 10 minutes later, the bike started, he put on his helmet, and rode off! so he did have petrol! his bike didn't die! what a weird boy. what was weirder was when i heard him revving his engine i looked up and clapped excitedly. and when he drove off we both CHEERED and WE SHOOK EACH OTHER'S HANDS. Like, CONGRATS! hahahaha.

i am always astounded by large groups of malays. why you all must go out in such huge groups ah? today there was a group of at least 15 mats who walked past me. and i pointed it out. then farhana said they all had matching bad taste in clothes. and i said, "alah syarat la. nak masuk kumpulan penjahat kene pakai orbit- orbit (its the requirement. to join a group of bad boys must wear ugly clothes)." and this guy, all macho and tattooed and smoking and fierce, turned and look stare at me. oops. must be a penjahat.

pre- town was me and hafiz at my place for briyani and some tv and chat and just... to see each other's face la. quite nice. i like seeing him. he makes me happy. heh.

soooooooo yes. wonderful wonderful saturday. that's like, 5 good saturdays in a row. He loves me. :)

and crush is fledgling. i saw him today and he was in berms. not cargo berms, but old pakcik- pakcik above the knees and to wear on sunday to wash your cars kinda berms. for a moment, he looked not good- looking. and he was sick, and his face was visibly tired.

but then when he opened his mouth and talked and smiled and laughed, i felt myself crushing again. very weird. he is really a charmer i think.

but doesn't matter la. crushes smushes. tomorrow at 12 noon me and mum check in to shangri- la rasa sentosa hotel for a 1 night stay. for the hell of it. we're tired ladies. :)

then monday to thursday i got some camp to facilitate. so yeah. hiatus of sorts.

hmm. i heard they plan to jam on wednesday. how ah? hmmmm.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

i'm a tellytubby now!

since izati called me a tellytubby when i wore my fairy hairband with price tag, i've been fascinated with becoming one.

quite like the idea of a tv on my tummy. so i became one!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

i am the TIPSY LALAPLOP. :)

and i got satellite reception. i watch wrestling yo! and sometimes cartoon network.

i also have size 3 feet. and because i will become the ruler of tubby land, where over the hills and far away the tellytubbies will come out and play, i will make sure they EACH get their own vacuum.

cuz now there's only noo- noo or for short, nunu. and we tellytubbies are messy! so we each get one. tinky- winky, as the eldest, gets to keep nunu. dipsy gets a nini. lala gets a nana. po gets a nono.

and i, ruler, the almighty, the glorious and formidable tipsy lalaplop, gets, NEHNEH. :D silver with pink holes.

and cuz every tellytubby is special, i got my own special talent too.

i can twist my neck at a very grostesque angle so that i can watch my own tv/ tummy.

so don't mess with me, the pink tellytubby or i shall poke you with my fairy antenna.

or suck you up with NEHNEH. which is, coincidentally, giant breasts. which will suck you up.

Friday, July 08, 2005

priorities smioritites

first thing i bought yesterday with the delicious tuition pay (delicious indeed, its just double digits) was...

CREAM CHEESE AND HUP SENG CRACKERS.

second was BONJOUR BUN BREAD.

and at home i had dinner which was 1 egg prata, 1 cheese prata and 1 plain prata. and because i was craving so for cream cheese, i had 3 cream cheese on crackers.

and got a smacking huge ass stomachache.

and i totally hate stomachaches. especially since its rare that i get one. and because i personally believe i have a stomach of comparable strength, comparable to even the hulk's.

and its the cannot- shit kind of stomachache. ANNOYING.

but nevertheless, i braved it through and came out more determined to eat MORE CREAM CHEESE. today.

speaking of which. today. yes. pre- tuition, hana (who had cancelled HER tuition) came over with coke and bandittos and we laughed about my friends, the engaged, the pregnant and collectively; the confused.

tuition 1 was at sembawang. geniuuuuuus. i shall call her that. cuz she is! today was science assessment. 81/ 100. wah lao eh. and there was this maths question. wait lemme recall. ahh ok.

there was a tank. haha. yes. there was a tank, just a silly empty tank! and the tank was on the rock, and the rock was on the river and the river was on its waaaay, aaaaaay! and the moon shone bright in the clear blue sky and all was bright and gay. and on that tank! ok ok no.

there was a tank with three taps. ganas hor, three? so many. but anyway there was three. tap x fills up the tank in 3 hours. tap y fills up the tank in 4 hours. tap z EMPTIES the tank in 6 hours. how long will it take to FILL UP the tank if all three taps were turned on (oooooh sexxxxay) simultaneously?

ok go find the answer. i know how to do! then i was a bit excited, then i realized this is a 12- year- old standard question, and when *i* was 12 i probably couldn't have done it. but my TUTEE could! she GOT IT RIGHT! wah lao damn stress. i must have been a very stupid 12- year- old. sob.

and ya, i should never write maths assessment books. well at least not on questions with taps being turned on. sexxxay won't look good in SUCCESS PLANNER PSLE SPECIMEN PAPERS, right?

anyway after that tuition bit i went to 7- 11 sembawang and HOO WHEE! guess what i found?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
yes! comics! to be precise, superman (whom i've always thought is damn hot) and gila- gila. literally translated, that's mad- mad. :D

and what better to spend the free time before the next tuition session, than to...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
read comics while eating cream cheese sandwiches on the sofa.

wah. immeasurable bliss.

then it all came crashing when i went to tuition 2. she didn't even do 1 homework! so annoying. and she wants to go to the same secondary school as her boyfriend. -_________-

but she has such supportive parents who actually bother talking to me about her studies and how tutoring her has been like. and even though i am making supremely slow progress with her, they're being terribly understanding about it. thank god. REJOICE THE DEMISE OF UNREASONABLE PARENTS!

tuition ended at 10 but our lil' tete- a- tete lasted an entire hour and i had 7 new messages and 2 missed calls from the belo one. haha. he was so worried he called home. tsk tsk.

and i think me and sara headed for ballet under the stars next saturday. yay yay! can wear fairy hairband! fairyyy fairyyy fairyyy fairyyyy *chants*

me: get apple la. its so pretty and white.
him: don't want. i want mango.
me: sepak! (slap you!)
him: ah? keparat? (what? non- believer? *shrugs* that's what bhanot malay- english dictionary says)
me: ape keparat! gile eh! (what non- believer! are you mad?)
him: haha i dunno. i also dunno what i talking about.
me: ya la you never know what you're talking about. cuz you're always talking nonsense.

him: wa sayang kamu. (i love you in a very exagerrated chinese accent.)
me: haha ape je. gile. (haha whatever. you're mad.)
him: eh what i say i love you also cannot? everything also cannot! ni tak boleh tu take boleh (this one cannot that one cannot), THE UNIVERSE IS AGAINST ME!

him: eh, if you don't talk to me, i will tell gerrard to leave liverpool.
me: eleh, kau cakap macam gerrard tu tinggal sebelah rumah. (you talk about him as though he's your next- door neighbour)
him: eh, dia tinggal belakang ais-box! (hey, he lives behind my fridge!)

earlier.

him: aiyo... just after i plan to meet you my mum ask me go buy laptop with her.
me: haha never mind la its ok.
him: no its not ok! everytime i have to last- minute cancel on you.
me: its ok la... its your mum what...
him: siiiiiigh. i want you to know, that i am sorry, ok?
me: haha ok.
him: and i want you to know that i love you. and the universe is against me.
me: uhhh...
him: and together, we can fight the universe.
me: -_-

tomorrow camp meeting at 9 frickin' am. boo- whizza!

and i love indians. i don't know what ruz is talking about. *whistles*

jamming too, at 3.15 p.m. why the hell do i ask people to ask me out when i don't even have that time to spare? i'm losing my mind. slowly and surely.

and...
CREAM CHEESE ROCKS.


memories in soft- focus, rose- tinted lenses

listening to maroon 5. somehow i stopped listening to them for awhile... when i was in nus. odd. when i first bought their album in jan 2004 i was a maniacal fan blasting the wretched CD every hour.

and the minute the guitar riffs and drumbeats for shiver infiltrated the air and hot boy adam levine's voice uttered you build me up, you knock me down...

it brought me back home.

home where queen bed, inflatable sofa and chunky plastic blinds were. home where free time was spent singing along to maroon 5 in front of the mirror pretending to have my own gig. yeah, had alot of free time, cuz between A Levels and NUS itself, i had like, six whole months to do as i please.

guess its cuz the maroonmania began there and sorta ended there... in NUS i wasn't the cd sort. just played my itunes.

and as the song unravelled on i shut my eyes and easily the memories came back... the musky smell of my room- a mishmash of my different perfumes that i sprayed extravagantly daily, the queen bed i jumped up and down on a whole lot, the inflatable sofa where i took many phone calls and read many books... ahh. many many things.

what i like about time is how it strips away the bad stuff and all you're left with is the happy lilting memories that uplifts your spirits. you won't remember the bad stuff unless you make yourself. but instinctively, after a period of time, recalling a particular memory would always mean it is all in soft focus... all dreamy and perfect, all features lightly blurred so that imperfections are unseen.

alot like photoshopping, but cranial.

i like it.

and now its my favourite lil' maroon 5 ditty... the sun. second would be secret. then must get out. then tangled. then shiver. harder to breathe. sweetest goodbe. not coming home. then all the overplayed ditties. this love, sunday morning, she will be loved... but maroon 5 are good la.

ahh.

maroonmania. back for real.

and i cannot remember
what life was like through photographs
and trying to recreate images life gives us from the past

and sometimes its a sad song

but i, cannot forget
refuse to regret
so glad i met you
take my breath away
make everyday
worth all of the pain i have gone through
and mama i've been crying cuz things ain't how they used to be
she said
the battle's almost won
and we're only seven miles from the sun

Thursday, July 07, 2005

hom hom

i am feeling very calm.

hommmmm... hommmmm... hommmmm...

i think its cuz i am listening to sheila on 7 and duta has a very nice low smooth soothing voice. not all loud and shouting like green day and blink and nirvana. ahh. music maketh my mood.

'ave got tuition later at 7. today's pay day. *does a little jig*

anyway just so you all know, several good events lined up. who says singapore is boring? expensive, maybe, but not boring. haha. and of course, cow that i am, i'm prolly going for all.

1. ballet under the stars. starts tomorrow, the 8th, till 17th. tickets at $18, this season's installation is The Little Mermaid. nice nice. so GO.

2. baybeats, 15th- 17th. esplanade. FREE OF CHARGE. got american, thai and malaysian bands too. click here for more details.

3. wicked aura batucada 2nd anniversary @ hard rock cafe on 26th july. visit their webbie. if you want.

4. wicked aura will also be up at WOMAD, happening this year on the 26th- 28th of august. 1 day pass- $33. 2 day pass- $55. 3 day pass- $82. go figure what you want. more details? click here.

ahh am so informative today. don't you just love the rare days when i don't ramble rubbish and give you all something useful? like twenty thousand website links? GOD i rock.

i want to go out on saturday! i want to wear my fairy hairband! who wants to ask me out?

anyway i am still looking for guitar tongs/ kapoks/ accoustic/ youknowwhatimean. got one or know anyone selling off (cheap), let me know. yeahyeah.

and i think this is damn cool! kudos to hizuan for the link. click click. its damn fun i tell you. sometimes she gets stuck and you can click on her and FLING her around. joy joy joy.

OH. and joy of joys. gerrard has changed his mind (yet again) and decided to stay with liverpool. let's hope this will be his last change of mind. goodness. but anyway for now let's just revel in him staying. liverpudlians, REJOICE! my my this is a good day. i can feel it in my bones.

"wa manyak lindu sama lu. lu tatak lindu sama wa? lu manyak jahat lo. tatak mesej. kulang asam. sama itu kulang manis."

"sedang footdrill."

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
just another day out at the salon.


three things

1. i miss peejay days. going for touch rugby, watching the beloness go through hockey training and smirking at hockey players cuz we ruggers are so sialan like that. sitting in the canteen, stoning. going to lot 1 after school. walking to school with apek from phoenix station. long walks, but bliss it was.

2. i want to get a guitar. i might as well BE the hot bassist that i desire so. but first, must learn how to play guitar. so, must buy guitar. yesyes.

3. its 5 in the morning. this goes to show no matter how old i am, drinking coffee, no matter how diluted, will make me insomniac.

in about 2 month's time, i will turn 20. not twenteen as i fantasise, but twen- freakin'-ty. old. not more teenager. not like i was much of one anyway. but point is. we grow old. we grow up.

i feel like a 4- year- old sometimes, and this sensation makes me very restless and fidgety. i want to live as much as i can before i can't. did that make sense?

i'm so scared that all this would end before i ever learn to savour it. sometimes i feel like i am pulling in all directions trying to do so many things and smile at so many people that i lose track of what matters.

aiya. i'm getting old la. and i'm just sad.

and see? i can't count anymore. i've definitely made more than 3 points here. or maybe no points.

or just one huge convulated point.

this must be caffeine talking. hi caffeine, nice to meet you.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

i found it!

i know the song already! the song i want! the peugeot ad. strummy- strummy lalala song. its THE ZUTONS! such a cool name. hmm.

went to bugis with zati. whee! miss that girl. dined at tong seng kopishop (rocking good LAKSA!) and wandered around parco bugis. i got myself a fairy hairband! you shall see it. i wore it at starbucks for a mini- photoshoot. zat said with the price tag sticking out like that, i looked like a tellytubby. haha.

on the way home the beloness made me call him. "later call me k." "for what? don't need la!" "just call la." "my battery dying." "huh? so jialat meh?" "yesyes why must call?" "aiyo just call la." "orh. ok lor." later i texted him, "why must call? are you sick? dying? haha." :D hoo well.

phone call was a blast, as usual. i realize i enjoy talking to him. hmm.

me: i bought the top from victoria secret...
him: er, ok. isn't that an underwear brand?
me: YES they are famous for that but they do sell other clothes. underwear underwear underwear. perverts all of you. men. BAH. PERVERTS, PERVERTS ALL OF YOU!

him: *mumble mumble*
me: i can't hear you la! anak kau skinhead kan!
him: if you would just be quiet for awhile you might hear what i'm saying.
me: ahhh amma undege pudege kadenge pardigey.
him: eh pundek!
me: hahaha. ANAK KAU SKINHEAD KAN! (your son is a skinhead right!)
him: god what a loving couple.
me: ya. *softly* potong kepala nak? (cut your head, want?)

me: bodoh! bodoh macam babi! (stupid! stupid as a pig!)
him: eleh. kurang ajar! kurang ajar macam babi! (rude! rude as a pig!)
me: ehhh. babi tak kurang ajar la, babi tu namanye step. haha. (eh, a pig isn't rude. a pig is snobbish.)
him: ya la step tu kurang ajar la. (ya la, a snob is rude la.)
me: no no no step tu anggek. macam eksyen. hahaha. (no no snob is like, a braggart. a show- off.)

me: *randomly ranting* *starts coughing*
him: ah ah bawak bertenang. (ah ok ok calm down.)
me: aku tak boleh bertenang ni! duit aku ilang! tiga ribu patposen! (i can't calm down! i lost my cash! three thousand and forty cents!)
him: god if there is one thing i wish i could erase from your memory it would be that prank call you heard.

*entered elevator*
him: eh you in the lift ah? got echo.
me: ya. echo echo echooooo... mwahaha haha hahaaaa... ngiooow ooow oooww...
him: ok. dah puas bebual sorang? (ok, had enough of talking to yourself?)
me: noooo noo nooooo... shiiing shiiiing shiiing...
him: puas? (satisfied?)
me: tak puas ah!! tak puas jumpe ahhh! one- on- one at basketball court! face- off! (not happy! not satisfied we meet la!)

*reaching home*
me: you don't love me anymore! you don't like my nonsense!
him: i never said that what!
me: ahhh but that's what you're IMPLYING!
him: no, i didn't imply anything.
me: ahhh don't lie. i can see right through it. you don't love me anymore!
him: .......
me: hello? hello?
him: i want to sleep.
me: cheh. ok la. i am home already.
him: oh? so quiet ah?
me: ya la! then what you want? tupperware party in my house every wednesday?
him: no laa so quiet...
me: grrraaaaahhh perrrrffffff tfffffff pssssttt tffffff pffff grrraaaaaa.
him: ok ok.
me: want some more? jrrrr dffffff trrrrrrrr puuuuuuuut *puts phone on television* *puts phone on mum's mouth and made her say ahh* ok?
him: ok ok your house very noisy ok?

:)) so happy. my tutee is a genius by the way. i made her do a whole maths paper and she only got one mistake, worth 2 marks. that's 98/ 100 for you. GENIUUUUS.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
good days.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

sun sand and sea

today was a very hot sweltering day.

perfect for the beach!

the sun was bloody bloody out. the kind of heat that makes you sweat just sitting still. ganas.

it was just me and sara cuz cheena minah; nyd, had to work. :( so we met... at harbourfront and chief was, of course, late. i think the day she is not late i might have a cardiac arrest. so dear chief, keep up the tardiness ya?

anyway while waiting for her i walked around harbourfront mall and in so doing, entered cheers. then a man in red walked in and stared at me. then he bought the papers. and cuz he had such a freaky stare, i stayed in the shop till he left. so i looked at instant noodles and potato chips. when i looked up, he was gone. so i exit the shop and he was standing RIGHT OUTSIDE! leaning against a pillar right in front of cheers and reading his paper. and when i left the shop he looked up. naturally, i freaked out and pretended to walk towards the train station. and horror of horrors, he followed! then i took a turn and stood near those huge locality maps. and he leaned against another pillar and read his papers. i texted hana and chief and later called hana. while dialing, i sneaked a peek and he was still there! hence the first words hana heard was, "fuck fuck fuck!" anyway i took the escalator down and in so doing walked past said pillar and he looked up from behind his papers. so sneaky. tsk tsk.

anyway after sitting on the steps for a while chief called and we met up and the guy was gone. thank goodness. lunched at breeks, baked pasta neapolitan is heaven! then we took the bus down to sentosa. and over at central palawan, there's TRUCKS and CRANES piling sand. ??? me and sara theorized that they were building a HUGE ASS sandcastle. uhuh.

tanned and talked and swam. at one point like a BUSLOAD of indian tourists came and flooded the place. and then one of them made an achi stand near me, then took her picture! with me in it! i feel so violated! like, hello! ask permission la! then i felt like a freak on display cuz they ALL started taking out their cameras thinking oh singaporeans are so friendly they will just sit still in the sand and roast their ass off so that we can pretend to take pictures of the beach while including her innit! NO SIRREE! one more indian man tried the same stunt by standing BEHIND me and told his friend to snap the pic. i got up and walked to the beach and he actually BACKTRACKED. KAN- A- SAI.

chief was in the loo when this happened and upon her return, joined me in the waters. i told her what happened and she LAUGHED. then later i pointed out to her all the indian people snapping pictures of the beach. and then one came right to the shore with a DIGICAM. we turned our backs. THESE TOURISTS WERE VICIOUS! EVIL! EVILLLLL.

there was one hot ang moh with a nice bod but he sorta hunched which was a terrible waste cuz he had such nice shoulders (and abs and thighs and legs and arms, you get my point). and then he entered the waters, WITH his cap and shades still on. as i told sara, "alah, macam jatuh gitu cool." (oh man, that so reduced his cool factor.)

later he took off his cap and he had not so nice hair. sigh. should have kept it on. damned if you do, damned if you don't.

after showering we went to 7- 11 cuz i had a hot dog bun craving ("a hot dog bun right now would be daaaamn good." "*rolls eyes* pfft." "what? what part of HOT DOG BUN did you not like?"). unforetunately, they ran out of hot dog buns so i got milk and maltesers. ya i know, sungguh irrelevant but i HAPPY la. 7- 11 cashier was cute too. wore glasses! like clark kent!

BEST bit of today. hahaha. while walking to the bus stop a beach train went by and there was 3 HOT BLONDES and i gave a low, "oooh..." and sara, turned, saw, and gave a high, red- indian- ish, "WHOOH!" HAHAHA. AND THEY HEARD! they waved and thinking the bloody tram was going to, you know, proceed in motion, we waved back and smiled for all we were worth.

then the tram stopped.

and me and sara went into a frenzied panic mode and she was all "i am NOT talking to them you are dealing with this" blablabla while the two us looked around frantically for a bush to hide in but no, sparse land we stood on.

"hi."
"er, hi!"
"do you know when the next beach train is?"
"er, i think they come in like, 10 minute intervals (anyhow only fiza. haha)."
"ouh, okay. where is it fun, at night? like clubbing and all that?"
"hmm, km8 on the other side (points to tanjong) and there's a few bars over the other side (points to sunset bay)."
"ah okay thanks. where you guys headed?"
"umm she's going for a jog and i'm going for dinner *SMILE*"
"ahh i see. hey you guys want a CD? we're a band."
"haha wow really ok sure." *cute blonde 1 digs out cds and stickers from bag, passes over* "we're thinking of doing a gig here someday, i think it'll be fun."
"yeah yeah sure."
(sara finally SPEAKS) "so where you guys headed?"
"oh we're going bangkok then phuket, but that's like next week."
"ahh i see. where you guys from?"
(blonde 2) "oh america. we're americans."
(blonde 1) "yeah we're from los angeles, you know, hollywood. ish."

WAHAHAHA. ME AND SARA ARE GROUPIES LA! i told her that if they do a gig in singapore we must go and be groupies and SLEEP WITH THE BAND! HAHAHA.

ok i am late for tuition. haha. more later, if i feel like i should add on to the random rambles already present.

-updated-

as it turns out yea, i got more to say. umm, i saw a cute guy in the train. he had sinewy arms *orgasmic noises*, muscular, tanned- like from outdoor activities (not tanning, that's so gay), tall, broad shoulders, oh so smouldering face and danggg in army uniform. his name is taufiq. and he is gorgeous as hell. K TO THE A TO THE N A SAI!

and hafiz, upon showing him beach pictures, said i had a "nice rack." "what the hell is a rack?" "boobs. breasts. tits. jugs. mangos." WHERE THE HELL YOU BOYS LEARN THESE THINGS??!?! my poor innocent apek is so tainted. i'm so sad.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

Monday, July 04, 2005

goodbye hair!

i had a haircut. no nothing drastic in fact it looks like i have longer hair cuz the fella blew my hair straight.

pointers' far east is a good place, by the way. cheap too. 18 bucks for mine. cut, wash and blow- dry. uhuh- uhuh.

me and mum went to eat at dahlia after that. haiya. handsome la that guy. kanasai. should be illegal for someone that old to be cute. CUTE! not even darkly handsome, but CUTE! chait. ape ni.

the poor beloness is ILL! i passed him all my germs i think. not feeling quite so remorseful cuz unlike me he is the of the old school of thought; when sick, visit doctor and eat all the medications. so, he will recover in no time.

aah i love this pragmatism we share. anyway i am still hacking away cuz unlike him i haven't been to the doctor and i refuse to have anymore of that icky tasting woods' peppermint cough syrup. nature will do its wonders, i say.

so ya. here's a pic of how my hair looked (past tense cuz now its curling up already!) when blown straight.
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
very straight hor? mum said i look very different.

i was quite okay with it till i bumped into an old friend, i forgot- the- name. she saw my old curls before through pics and blog. and then she saw me with this straight hair and thought i rebonded it. she said, "wahhhhh nice! like avril lavigne!"

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
cheeeeeeeeeeeeebye.

curls will be back tomorrow.

speaking of which i'm off to the beach tomorrow so maybe i'll feel better after.

sun sand and sea ALWAYS cure ailments. well mine, at least.


whenever, wherever

*sings* SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHE SAID, I'M GOING FUCKING DEAF YOU'RE ALWAYS TOO LOUUUUUUUD.

this shit has gotta stop

power la. i love you green day. whoooooooo hoooooooooooo.

my throat just got worst. cuz. of. aiyah.

blog- hopped and read stories... of how the ex moved on and got a new girlfriend and is finding joy in rubbing it into the face of poor girl and poor girl is seething and dying to stab the fookface. sigh.

it is sometimes really BEYOND my comprehension what jerks men can be. beyond beyond. you got girlfriend already ok la, good for you... must compare her to your ex meh? like it wasn't bad enough you just stopped loving her and decide newer, hotter, cheaper girl is more deserving of your, ahem, love? why why why.

why are men assholes at their own whim and desire?

so fun mehhhh. nyeh. some men should just drop dead and die. like there should be a quota, of how massive a jerk you can be, and once you reach this quota, the next assholic thing you do will find you lying paralysed in a puddle of shit, and you will find that your dick has wilted and has lost its ability to be erect. erectile dysfunction, a nightmare to kind men, a well- deserved punishment for jerks.

and reading these things make me count my blessings. like hafiz the beloness. he will never do that to me. not because he is so in love with me la, but because it is not in him to hurt people. see? he's a nice guy. i like nice guys. who said nice guys finish last? despite all my penchant and adoration for bad boys, all the boys i've ever ended up loving were nice guys. so if you think bad guys get love and good guys get dust, you've got it all wrong.

girls like to be hurt cuz then they get to recover. and usually this process of recovery is expedited by honourable, noble, man, the good guy. :) so bad boys, more you hurt, more you push, in droves, towards the good guys. i believe good will always triumph evil and one day, i fantasise myself walking down orchard road and see all these bad boys, with their black jackets, mysterious shades, rowdy, loud bikes on stands, and they will look dirty, despondent, slumped on the floor, alone and lonely, and gazing sadly at all the girls they hurt, lied to, cheated on before, walk happily hand- in- hand with NICE BOYS.

BOO BAD GUYS! YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY! MWAHAHAHA.

i am in a relatively good mood. haha. for no apparent reason. actually i wonder, need there always be a reason for one to be happy? sometimes i'm happy just because. sometimes i'm happy because the gay ex messaged me asking how was my date with the boyfriend. sometimes i am happy because i got plans to go to the beach on tuesday. happy happy happy. some of these uber- cool youths/ teens/ whatever, told me happiness is boring cuz its mainstream. that emo/ depression is so cool. -______- i think that is bloody whacked la. why would i want to be sad just so to be cool? and technically, if being cool makes you happy, and to be cool you have to be sad, isn't it all a bit contradictory? one day your insides will get so confused on whether to be happy or sad that it will just implode and all your hormones will combust and come pouring out of your ears.

HAHAHAHA.

i think being happy is an option. so is being sad. if you want to be emo, you can. then you can wear black daily, wear thick eyeliner, draw tear drops, whatever. and we happy people shall wear the bright, blinding happy colours that annoy you sad people.

sadness comes easily, its so easy to get down, but its so much harder to be happy. so why be sad? trust me, there's much to be sad about. but being happier makes life worth living. all i'm saying is, be happy. if you want to be, you will be.

i fancy myself as quite a bit of a motivational pep- talker. maybe one day i will write my own kind of chicken soup. the series would probably be titled, "a pail of shit for the battered soul." and everyone will tell me that it is GOOD SHIT! huahahaha.

sorry. i think listening to green day is making me chirpier than usual. i want to be the minority... oh ya. this is why you all wanna be emo right? cuz then you're unique. a minority. but i am beginning to think alot of people are so sad that maybe emo/ sad people are the majority now. how like that? continuously subversive, continuously confused. just be yourself la. everyone gets sad sometimes. don't make a living out of it.

so anyway weekend was jb and wedding. haha. was that too sudden an about- turn? cuz i realized i yak and yak and i never got to saying what the hell happened over the weekend. not like you care right? you're just here to laugh at me! to watch me trip over myself and fall and roll into a puddle of shit! but HAH! i shall ENJOY myself in that puddle and laugh back at all you people laughing at me!

okay momentary schizoness. so. yes. saturday was sleeping in till late afternoon. oh joy joy joy! then supper at danga bay, jaybee cuz my cousin was there. i've got few relatives over in malaysia, but there's 2 particular ones i am close to. khairy and khairul. so saturday was to meet khairul. cuz his band, umbrella, had some show. i am still brimming with pride from seeing him on stage doing his thing. and OF COURSE he is a BASSIST la dei. hah. i like bassists!

then sunday was wedding at ang mo kio. heat! singapore is experiencing a HEATWAVE! no? well it was bloody hot anyway. but the wedding was nice. pretty grand, elaborate details, such. and usually i look out for cute guys at weddings, cuz hello, malay event= massive attack of malay boys. so sad though, to report only the GROOM was handsome. zulkifli something something tan. ya, same species as the beloness. half- chi, half- malayren.

tok brahim: nenek b kau ni pekak sikit... (this grandma of yours is pretty deaf...)
nenek b: ah? ape dia? ape tok kau cakap? (ah? what? what did your grandfather say?)
mum: pakcik brahim cakap, cik b lain kali pakai cekak, jadi langsir tu tak jatuh- jatuh... (uncle said next time wear a hairband over your curtains so that it won't fall all over the place...)
everyone: ape kau langsir? TUDUNG LA! (what curtains? HEADSCARF LA!)

hahaha. rubbish. everyone in my family talks nonsense so there is no doubt in my mind that the talking cock condition is genetic.

of course, when everyone met, MORE wedding invites were dispersed. its an endless cycle. this time round there was one in MALACCA. near bukit katil (bed hill. literally).

mum: eh pakcik, tengok ni, rumah dia kat bukit katil. dekat- dekat dengan bukit duyung. boleh tangkap ikan duyung! (eh see the house is near bed hill. nearby to mermaid hill. can catch a mermaid!)
atok brahim: oh katil je? tilam takde? (oh bed only, no mattress?)

here's an array of pictures from my weekend. tomorrow, first week of july. helloooooo monday! have a good one, all.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
luplup my cousin zee bassist.

malay weddings galore.
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

pictures are abit hencai- bocai cuz i am too drained to prettify anything. or produce uniformity. abit of erraticalness will do us all good.

be good. happy fourth july!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

in sickness and in health

sorry for the lack of entries but you can expect a comeback by tomorrow.

been sickly, still got the hacking coughs and now the throat is being funky, all choked, like i swallowed a fishbone (no i didn't eat fish lately). swallowing has become difficult and each time i (dry) cough, i get nauseous. its so bloody annoying. and when i do have phlegm, it has bits of blood in it.

i'm DYING i tell you. DYING.

pah.

and dry coughs are the pits. like DRY HUMPING. nothing close to the pleasure, just alot of pain.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

a lot like love too

i don't see why anyone should be complaining bout this movie; unless they paid more than 8 bucks for it. its a pretty interesting storyline, not too sappy, and definitely funny.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

as much as i hate to admit it, ya la, ashton IS cute. though i still think he spawned the mat culture in singapore. *mumbles*trucker caps*mumbles*

met the belo one at far east at 3 cuz i was, of course, late. *grins* text message exchange:

him: ya i'll be waiting at the entrance of level one. its too warm to wait at the burger king benches. and my stomach is having a revolution. crap.
me: haha ok. go and shit la. eei wait by the time i get there you'll smell of shit!

anyway he never got to shit. cuz his stomach was being funky. so we had our lunch at dahlia's. typical conversation, "eh cannot eat there wait the handsome guy see me with you he don't like me anymore." "aiya you everyone also you say like you la."

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
he got the card and he said, "ehhhh why i become zombie..."

tried window- shopping at mango. every top i picked, i observe it for awhile, then i'll exclaim, "i don't understand this top! why so many holes? why so many strings? tie where? i might choke myself! i want to shit!" this is good, cuz i left the shop empty- handed. and desperate for the toilet.

went to lido to look at topman/ topshop. i think we found a common love! whee! maybe if we decide on a business venture together we can get topshop/ topman to sponsor us. or something. we are superb topshopman ambassadors okay. i even wear their underwear. info overload? yeaaaah, i thought so.

after a good shit we walked over to cineleisure for our movie. at one point we saw a jet of water being sprayed onto bushes outside taka and both of us thought, "statues!" then he saw the bangladeshi worker and realized, oh, watering plants. i saw the bangladeshi worker, totally MISSED the hose he held, and exclaimed in malay, "eh eh why he pee until like that?!" i honestly thought someone was peeing and i was really freaking that it was happening in singapore. of course, projectile pee jokes came soon after.

i started singing maroon 5's this love in a thick tamil accent. and as we walked past meritus mandarin, where those doormen with huge turbans were, beloness claimed that one of them stared at me. hoo well.

people at cineleisure can't walk properly. very annoying. several bumped into me and when i asked hafiz the reason for this phenomena, he said in a matter- of- factly tone, "their parents never teach them." hahaha. what the shit.

on level 5 i saw the bilboard for Fantastic 4. i want to watch! and i told hafiz, i want to be the thing. yes yes the huge ugly one. i flexed him my muscles and started growling the thinnnnng in a deep rumbly voice. apparently, that DOESN'T make me the thing. pah.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
THE THING!

movie, as mentioned, was lovely. when we first entered it was already dark and while trying to find our seats, we were distracted by the movie trailer, a japanese movie, whereby a girl died and while we were looking for our seats, her boyfriend was wailing for help. in japanese. hafiz: "shut up la!"

post- movie was TCC for some warm chocolate lava cake lovin'. and cam- whoring. and as known, i like to say ______ macam babi/ pig. its like a simile. as _______ as a pig. except that EVERYTHING is as ______ as a pig. so when he was trying to drink our nice cold glass of dusk (coke with raspberry coulis, mmm) he missed the straw so i said, "bodoh! bodoh macam babi! (stupid! as stupid as a pig!)" and as i had mentioned this simile several times throughout the day the belo one replied, "babi babi babi. your favourite pet ah?"

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
a chocolate delicacy, attacked with immediacy, devoured with urgency.

i also took this lovely opportunity to hone my many talents, all to do with cutleries and condiments.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
the elephant, the spoon- on- nose and the sealion.

crossing the road from cine to cali fitness is always hellish and today was no different. green man was on and cars were still driving past. a cab finally HAD to stop in the middle of the junction cuz a herd of humans just started crossing (it WAS the green man). GOOOOOOOOOOOO PEDESTRIANS! i told hafiz that we should all actually show solidarity and push the cab further back so that it is obstructing traffic flow from the other junction and hence collide into cars and all these cars would explode. "POM POM POM TERBABOOOO!"

during this walk too i saw a GIANT the thing. and i had to stop in the middle of the world to snap a picture of it. much to the amusement of an ang moh watching my folly. :)
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

in the train back i started singing some britney to annoy him. then, i decided to UP the ante and sang britney in a LOW MANLY voice. *beams* i can do a good bapok/ transvestite voice.

him: stop it la. you're giving me goosebumps...
me: *sings in manly voice* i'm not a girlllll... hahaha obviously.
him: sheesh even the lyrics are apt.
me: *continues in manly voice* not yet a womannnn...
him: can you stop? wait people hear you they think...
me: GASP! they think you're dating a bapok! *manly voice* alah bangggg (oh honey, or something like that)...
*look at each other*
both: EEEEEI! so disgusting!
me: arghhhhhh ewewew GROSS yuck! so disgusting! you're dating a bapok!

i am giving MYSELF many -_- for that.

got back in time for tuition. then it was off to macs to get myself dinner. phonecall.

me: you didn't like the card!
him: yes i did! i told you i appreciate it!
me: but you didn't look at it long enough! you zangzungzang then you put back in your bag!
him: ya la then what else you want me to do?
me: you should GAZE at each and every line, every colour, every shade!
him: wah so demanding. siao.
me: FINE! i am not making you anymore things!
him: eh... wa punya bapak (my father)... buat telefon (created the phone)...
me: WAKLU (your uncle la)! tiga ribu patposen (three thousand dollars and forty cents)!
him: eh ape ni waklu (eh what my uncle)? wa punya bapak... buat telefon... bukan untuk (not for)...
me: oi! potong kepala nak (cut your head you want)?
him: wa punya bapak... buat telefon... bukan untuk gaduh- gaduh (not for us to argue)...
me: *hangs up*

him: eh how dare you hang up on me! have you drank water or not? your cough sounds bad.
me: i just finish tuition la how to get water? ah? grass dew? from the sea? the cat's pee?

me: eh i think there's a cult in my neighbourhood...
him: huh?
me: oh no, its just a bunch of mats. cheh! they sit in the dark, then one big group and suddenly got guitar strumming sounds... like cult right?!

verbal entry ends here. from hereon i shall bore you to fatalistic levels with extreme cam- whoring by two people who absolutely CANNOT, just simply smile for the camera.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com

individual silliness.
Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
mmm, look at my yummy drink. mmmph... what a funky drink.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
with this shot he exlaimed, "kenape la matair aku macam ni/ why is my girlfriend like this..." which is funny, cuz what took him so long to realize the dire state of my sanity? and he isn't all full of sane and normalcy either, here he is elaborately pointing out to me the raspberry coulis at the bottom that i had to stir first.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
us.

so, what is love? i still don't know. i used to think when love comes i will know but now i think maybe we'll just feel something like love, a close mimicry of love, a lot like love. two people who enjoy each other's company, who make each other smile and laugh, who finds each other's hands even in a crowd.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Friday, July 01, 2005

in loving memory

i'm not sure just how many gessians read my blog but i hope the few who does knows this already and it won't across as too much of a shock.

our dear friend ivan ong, is sergeant ong peng ghee who died on wednesday morning.

he hadn't even turned 20.

i never got hold of ST or TNP but i read Today and the headlines for the news of his death was, Third SAF Death Within Two Weeks.

and suddenly that is all his passing is. the unlucky number three. a statistic. another wake for the weekend.

i barely knew ivan, when farhana first told me i couldn't even conjure a face to go with the name. but thanks to this, the pictures there triggered off the memories, what little.

i talked to him before, smiled, waved. a fellow track mate, a genius from the science class.

and i wonder if i had known his life was going to be so abruptly shortened would i have tried to get to know him better? would i have tried harder to forge a friendship?

empty thoughts with no possible real answers.

to his family i give my condolences and with the setting up of a blog in memory of him as zi xuan has done, i think you can rest assured that his death, was definitely not just another statistic, another hole in the ground to us.

wherever you are ivan, Rest In Peace.

and the rest of you, take care. i love you guys. i mean it.


there's no escaping your love

daily conversations with him are constantly funny and highly entertaining; rarely mushy. delightful!

few weeks back i created a self- crisis; i decided that i wanted to watch a lot like love; typical chick flick with typical characters and storyline; with a DATE date. not any old guy friend but a proper guy- i- like date. problem solved, tommorow me and the beloness are watching a lot like love. YAY! we're meeting at far east plaza 2.30 p.m., anyone keen on spying, do tag along and wave hi.

and you will definitely recognize me cuz i will be in a supremely unique skirt owned by me and me only.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
now now! plain skirt this was! tut tut. not nice. how unfiza- ish, non?

so i decided to SEW beads!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
tadaa!

can't see?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
nah, a close- up.

pink and orange beads. according to mum, one looks like an army or red ants, the other looks like creepy crawly worms. i am IN LOVE with my freaky skirt!

then of course, once i was done with the skirt, i had to get to work with my card. it was actually fun, colouring, gluing, cutting paper up... i guess a small part of me never left primary school arts and craft classes.

and this, my friends, is a result of pure love. keep in mind my lack of artistic abilities, and acknowledge instead, the humour. cuz i'm not Picasso, i am Chaplin. you get my point.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
the cover,
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
page two,
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
the grand finale.

of course the appleworks version looks better, and i could have printed it out and cut and paste and save alot of time and effort. but then it won't be as personalized, would it?

while i was doing all this sewing (that gave me butt cramps for being seated in the same position for so long i tell you sewing beads make you blind, BLIND i tell you) and drawing and gluing, it came to me that if i didn't love him, i probably wouldn't bother.

:)

so yes, its always wonderful to find out all over again that what you feel is very real and to have it hit you like a sledgehammer is indeed, pleasant.

as much as i would like to deny it i am very much looking forward to tomorrow. just like the first day we got together and i was so nervous i couldn't sleep the whole night. oh i AM getting sleep tonight, but i am excited just the same.

so lame. love makes us all suckers. mwahahaha.

now i shall go back down for some much- needed tv lovin' and nutella sandwiches.

six months later and we're back together. what is it going to take to make you walk away? it will always be life's greatest mysteries, how much you love me, and i will forever live in shame for never being able to feel the same, to love as daringly and openly and courageously as you do. but for everything that you've done, you've given, you've said, for all the time you've waited, you've stood there, for all the smiles and hugs and encouraging words and unfaltered love and faith, i thank you.