I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
blow wind blow
Your element is Wind. You are the guy/girl that is
unpredictable. No one knows what you're going
to do next and what you're in the mood for.
Studying is not your thing and you would rather
go to a party than stay home. Life is just for
fun and you need to be free to live according
to you. You waste no time on lies, if you feel
or think one thing you say it even if it hurts.
Of course, people may be quite upset but that
doesn't really bother you. Its not that you
don't care, because you do, but in these
situations it's a waste of time. You live up in
the clouds and are quite a dreamer about life.
People often consider you beautiful, but harsh
and they would think twice before getting to
know you. But once they do, they'll learn that
you are always willing to take yourself and
your friends on adventures. Never will it be a
boring time with you and your friends
appreciate that. You are not often seen sad,
but you have your times. If someone has been
mean to you, you can quite easily trash-talk
them for betraying you. Nevertheless, you are
most of the time a good spirit who just want to
have some fun.
What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla
ok whatever la. anyway i am BUSY BUSY BUSY cuz though tuition was cancelled today (student was ill), i have undertaken a new project; SEWING! yesyes. i bought a plain white gypsy skirt on monday from dorothy perkins and now i am sewing beads onto em'. will post a picture of it once i'm done. which means i have to get back to it. there is still the business of making the beloness's card. and skirt has to be done by tomorrow cuz i am wearing it to our first date tomorrow. well why ELSE would i buy a new skirt? i only wear new things on first dates. which is why its a good thing i stopped dating some time back. so yesyes cook eat sew sew sew draw colour glue then sleep then DATE TOMORROW HOO WHEE!
phew. love is serious business.
Your element is Wind. You are the guy/girl that is
unpredictable. No one knows what you're going
to do next and what you're in the mood for.
Studying is not your thing and you would rather
go to a party than stay home. Life is just for
fun and you need to be free to live according
to you. You waste no time on lies, if you feel
or think one thing you say it even if it hurts.
Of course, people may be quite upset but that
doesn't really bother you. Its not that you
don't care, because you do, but in these
situations it's a waste of time. You live up in
the clouds and are quite a dreamer about life.
People often consider you beautiful, but harsh
and they would think twice before getting to
know you. But once they do, they'll learn that
you are always willing to take yourself and
your friends on adventures. Never will it be a
boring time with you and your friends
appreciate that. You are not often seen sad,
but you have your times. If someone has been
mean to you, you can quite easily trash-talk
them for betraying you. Nevertheless, you are
most of the time a good spirit who just want to
have some fun.
What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla
ok whatever la. anyway i am BUSY BUSY BUSY cuz though tuition was cancelled today (student was ill), i have undertaken a new project; SEWING! yesyes. i bought a plain white gypsy skirt on monday from dorothy perkins and now i am sewing beads onto em'. will post a picture of it once i'm done. which means i have to get back to it. there is still the business of making the beloness's card. and skirt has to be done by tomorrow cuz i am wearing it to our first date tomorrow. well why ELSE would i buy a new skirt? i only wear new things on first dates. which is why its a good thing i stopped dating some time back. so yesyes cook eat sew sew sew draw colour glue then sleep then DATE TOMORROW HOO WHEE!
phew. love is serious business.
neverending
some endings never end.
sometimes it still hurts. why did you hold me the way you held me if it meant nothing to you to just jet off inexplicably weeks later? why did you laugh with me, as though you shared my joy, as though we understood the same joke? why did you talk to me, hours and hours, with every anecdote, with every exchanged smile, why did you do all that if you were going to take it back as suddenly as it came? why did you share anything, at all, with me? why did you lie down on the beach and gaze at stars with me when it meant nothing to you? why do you listen to me gushing on stars? why do you smile at me? why do you sit with me on steps and eat ice- cream and let me have it all? why did you do things that made me think we had something when they meant nothing to you?
a case of different definitions; i wish you had told me yours so i won't feel this stupid pangs.
it will be so easy to hate you if i hadn't had all that i had, if you hadn't given me all that i wanted.
too easy.
some endings never end.
sometimes it still hurts. why did you hold me the way you held me if it meant nothing to you to just jet off inexplicably weeks later? why did you laugh with me, as though you shared my joy, as though we understood the same joke? why did you talk to me, hours and hours, with every anecdote, with every exchanged smile, why did you do all that if you were going to take it back as suddenly as it came? why did you share anything, at all, with me? why did you lie down on the beach and gaze at stars with me when it meant nothing to you? why do you listen to me gushing on stars? why do you smile at me? why do you sit with me on steps and eat ice- cream and let me have it all? why did you do things that made me think we had something when they meant nothing to you?
a case of different definitions; i wish you had told me yours so i won't feel this stupid pangs.
it will be so easy to hate you if i hadn't had all that i had, if you hadn't given me all that i wanted.
too easy.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
the ghost of you
tuition at 4 then met mum at bugis for dinner. the old cafe el- sheikh is gone, so we went to its neighbour, amirah's grill. not bad. appetisers were good, main course were average. desserts weren't toooo bad. all in all, a 6/10. maybe if the black pepper sauce on our chicken chop and steak was hotter and more tasteful, a 7. but it was rather bland. i guess if you do go, you should try their specials; kebabs. and the fillet looked good. stay off black pepper if, like me, you like it hot.
mushroom soup was good- nice variety of mushrooms. the pita and dips were good too, though i was never a pita bread and hummus/ chickpeas/ eggplant dip person. the appetisers here are good.
however, the same could not be said for the black pepper beef steak and black pepper chicken chop.
same goes for their cream caramel. small portion, stinged on caramel, and the pudding itself was rather dried. maybe it was refridgerated for too long.
while tutoring i got a great idea for a card. to give to the belo one. since we've gotten together, we've relied entirely on phonecalls and text messages to get us by. both too busy; we are meeting for the first time as a couple again; this friday.
and the dear boy has been couting down and ending each countdown message with a yay. he has also taken to reconfirming with me several times; in case i forget or something crops up at the last minute. i think this is one of the wonders of love; in any other circumstances, i doubt anyone would look forward so to meeting me.
i illustrated my idea to mum over dinner, and she surprised me with a chirpy, "nice!" i had my misgivings about showing her, due to the rather, er, morbid nature of the illustrations. but she was surprisingly amused by it, and got the joke.
an appleworks version of my card for the belo one.
birds were chriping, sun was shining, sky was a perfect blue...
and lo and behold! a sudden noise, and POOF! out came a boy.
soil scattered everywhere, birds flew off in fright,
and the lovers reunited, under the sky of perfect hue.
this artpiece is titled resurrection. apt, no? i will make the card and post it up too, once its done. oh i love making things! that, by the way, is a cemetery.
phonecall.
me: i got something for you this friday!
him: oh ok. er, is it good or bad?
me: huh? aiya something la! cannot tell! it is a surprise!
him: ya la good or bad thing. sekali you say surprise then friday we meet you say oh i want to break up.
me: -_- its a PHYSICAL TANGIBLE THING LA! mengong la you!
him: haha oh ok how i know.
me: humph. i so nice make for you thing you still accuse me.
him: hehe sorry la. this friday i can't get you anything but i will treat you okay? can?
me: ah ya lah... mine also doesn't cost anything la. cuz i'm making it! cuz i'm creative! not like you!
him: humph. ok ok enough.
me: hah! you're the typical straight- laced China scholar!
him: ok enough shut up.
me: hah. so uncreative. you suck.
i realized me and him will never be a conventional couple. first time we got together, it was over text messaging, and after days of pretending to be 'a couple' as a joke. of sorts. warped sense of humour BONDS us i tell you. and second time we got together, it was after hours of arguing about "what the hell are we?!" and "can you please move on or not!?" uhuh. precise stuff romanctic flicks are made of.
but this unconventionality makes us more real than most. i will never expect roses from him, he will never expect tender, soft gestures from me. and far from being a broken- in couple, all domesticated and comfortable with each other, we still continuously surprise each other; by changing. we grow individually and its nice to have someone watch this growth.
i made another analogy; men are like paintings. i am still waiting for a painting that will scream at me, that will say "pick me!" and hence win permanent residence in my bedroom, right over my bedhead. the belo one is a painting of my favourite colours, warm, comforting, familiar. he is in the house, always, and he will never leave. some paintings are in the guest room; for ocassional visits only. some; the store- room, stowed away forever. some even thrown away. and some; waiting in the corridor, on display. but i don't want those. i want to take a walk and run into the painting that catches my eye. i think the concept of the one is like having a frame- and hence you pick a painting that fits this frame. i, on the other hand, would much rather keep picking paintings and worry about framing it later.
at some point of time i will find a painting so special it won't even need a frame.
and maybe i've had this painting for some time, just never got to notice the colours and textures just so, or this painting is still being painted somewhere. and like all new things, each time i see a new painting i get excited, always thinking maybe this is the painting for me. every colour, every stroke seems amplified and the painting always look good. and then after looking at it longer, after analysing it under different lights; you realize its not as gorgeous as it you thought it was.
and continuously you will keep picking up paintings; hanging them, and/ or throwing them. i've thrown some, and so far only the belo one has worn permanence. but as yet, there is none in the bedroom.
one day.
and like i told the lesbonbon, the other paintings are just in the void deck.
"pick me!"
tuition at 4 then met mum at bugis for dinner. the old cafe el- sheikh is gone, so we went to its neighbour, amirah's grill. not bad. appetisers were good, main course were average. desserts weren't toooo bad. all in all, a 6/10. maybe if the black pepper sauce on our chicken chop and steak was hotter and more tasteful, a 7. but it was rather bland. i guess if you do go, you should try their specials; kebabs. and the fillet looked good. stay off black pepper if, like me, you like it hot.
mushroom soup was good- nice variety of mushrooms. the pita and dips were good too, though i was never a pita bread and hummus/ chickpeas/ eggplant dip person. the appetisers here are good.
however, the same could not be said for the black pepper beef steak and black pepper chicken chop.
same goes for their cream caramel. small portion, stinged on caramel, and the pudding itself was rather dried. maybe it was refridgerated for too long.
while tutoring i got a great idea for a card. to give to the belo one. since we've gotten together, we've relied entirely on phonecalls and text messages to get us by. both too busy; we are meeting for the first time as a couple again; this friday.
and the dear boy has been couting down and ending each countdown message with a yay. he has also taken to reconfirming with me several times; in case i forget or something crops up at the last minute. i think this is one of the wonders of love; in any other circumstances, i doubt anyone would look forward so to meeting me.
i illustrated my idea to mum over dinner, and she surprised me with a chirpy, "nice!" i had my misgivings about showing her, due to the rather, er, morbid nature of the illustrations. but she was surprisingly amused by it, and got the joke.
an appleworks version of my card for the belo one.
and lo and behold! a sudden noise, and POOF! out came a boy.
soil scattered everywhere, birds flew off in fright,
and the lovers reunited, under the sky of perfect hue.
this artpiece is titled resurrection. apt, no? i will make the card and post it up too, once its done. oh i love making things! that, by the way, is a cemetery.
phonecall.
me: i got something for you this friday!
him: oh ok. er, is it good or bad?
me: huh? aiya something la! cannot tell! it is a surprise!
him: ya la good or bad thing. sekali you say surprise then friday we meet you say oh i want to break up.
me: -_- its a PHYSICAL TANGIBLE THING LA! mengong la you!
him: haha oh ok how i know.
me: humph. i so nice make for you thing you still accuse me.
him: hehe sorry la. this friday i can't get you anything but i will treat you okay? can?
me: ah ya lah... mine also doesn't cost anything la. cuz i'm making it! cuz i'm creative! not like you!
him: humph. ok ok enough.
me: hah! you're the typical straight- laced China scholar!
him: ok enough shut up.
me: hah. so uncreative. you suck.
i realized me and him will never be a conventional couple. first time we got together, it was over text messaging, and after days of pretending to be 'a couple' as a joke. of sorts. warped sense of humour BONDS us i tell you. and second time we got together, it was after hours of arguing about "what the hell are we?!" and "can you please move on or not!?" uhuh. precise stuff romanctic flicks are made of.
but this unconventionality makes us more real than most. i will never expect roses from him, he will never expect tender, soft gestures from me. and far from being a broken- in couple, all domesticated and comfortable with each other, we still continuously surprise each other; by changing. we grow individually and its nice to have someone watch this growth.
i made another analogy; men are like paintings. i am still waiting for a painting that will scream at me, that will say "pick me!" and hence win permanent residence in my bedroom, right over my bedhead. the belo one is a painting of my favourite colours, warm, comforting, familiar. he is in the house, always, and he will never leave. some paintings are in the guest room; for ocassional visits only. some; the store- room, stowed away forever. some even thrown away. and some; waiting in the corridor, on display. but i don't want those. i want to take a walk and run into the painting that catches my eye. i think the concept of the one is like having a frame- and hence you pick a painting that fits this frame. i, on the other hand, would much rather keep picking paintings and worry about framing it later.
at some point of time i will find a painting so special it won't even need a frame.
and maybe i've had this painting for some time, just never got to notice the colours and textures just so, or this painting is still being painted somewhere. and like all new things, each time i see a new painting i get excited, always thinking maybe this is the painting for me. every colour, every stroke seems amplified and the painting always look good. and then after looking at it longer, after analysing it under different lights; you realize its not as gorgeous as it you thought it was.
and continuously you will keep picking up paintings; hanging them, and/ or throwing them. i've thrown some, and so far only the belo one has worn permanence. but as yet, there is none in the bedroom.
one day.
and like i told the lesbonbon, the other paintings are just in the void deck.
"pick me!"
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
now remember kids, wash BEHIND your ears and BETWEEN your legs
will it be very wrong to start this entry by saying a visit to the hospital was fun?
well it was. so there.
i am not much of a hospital person given the amount of loved ones who have passed on in one but today i made an exception cuz a special cow was hospitalized for having UTI. see? you dunno what's UTI right? i told him dirty dick made more sense.
anyway he's got urinary tract infection, the poor dear, so me hana and nyds went to visit him.
prior to that, me and hana stayed up the entire night chatting and then ended up at macs having breakfast. then down to outram, were early, headed down to spinelli's and THEN the hospital. all without sleep, yeap. so you can imagine how conversations pretty much went.
walking back to the hospital from spinelli's we walked past a florist who had huge- ass sunflowers so i got laremy one. and then i realized i was going to walk ALL the way back to the HOSPITAL with a HUGE FLOWER in my hand. i started freaking out at one point and by the time we were near the hospital i was holding it up like an olympic torch- bearer and singing malaysian national day songs.
longest walk ever. flowers are EVIL.
i told laremy that a worm would pop out from the flower and bite his dick. he threatened to ring for the nurse to escort me away. in fact throughout my visit, he constantly threatened to do so but never did.
don't look sick de worz? hahaha. BECAUSE HE IS WEARING MAKE- UP! mascara and blusher, to be precise. he took out my mascara and said, "dildo!" then i said, "ya, a hairy one too." he opened it, and of course, i suggested putting some on him. then hana and nydia started saying eyeshadow and lipgloss and whatnots that i think scared him quite a bit. in the end i said, "blusher?'' he wasn't very obliging but i told him it will make him look "healthy!" it worked. and walla. blushing pretty boy.
i don't think we're allowed to bully patients like that. :)
then cuz poor laremy took the chair out and let us three sit on his bed, i had to lift the chair back to its place. i smartly walked backwards with the chair, hence resulting in this...
joy and laughter.
so fiza, what are you gonna do? where are you gonna squeeze? hmm hmm hmm?
well. you could always,
climb.
and climb i did.
i don't think clambering around on chairs are exactly legal stuff in hospitals but hey, desperate situation calls for desperate measures.
and while crossing the road to get to the mamak stall to have lunch, i was singing avril and prancing around. and a van of cops stared, according to hana and nyd. ah well.
and because of the lack of sleep (i reached home at 5, slept till 8), i ended tuition half and hour earlier thinking it was already over. it has never happened before. i think its partly cuz the girl really annoys me. nyeh.
i told hafiz about my little climbing incident in the hospital and he said in an indulgent tone, "hehe, you had quite an adventure today eh."
and that's why i love you.
will it be very wrong to start this entry by saying a visit to the hospital was fun?
well it was. so there.
i am not much of a hospital person given the amount of loved ones who have passed on in one but today i made an exception cuz a special cow was hospitalized for having UTI. see? you dunno what's UTI right? i told him dirty dick made more sense.
anyway he's got urinary tract infection, the poor dear, so me hana and nyds went to visit him.
prior to that, me and hana stayed up the entire night chatting and then ended up at macs having breakfast. then down to outram, were early, headed down to spinelli's and THEN the hospital. all without sleep, yeap. so you can imagine how conversations pretty much went.
walking back to the hospital from spinelli's we walked past a florist who had huge- ass sunflowers so i got laremy one. and then i realized i was going to walk ALL the way back to the HOSPITAL with a HUGE FLOWER in my hand. i started freaking out at one point and by the time we were near the hospital i was holding it up like an olympic torch- bearer and singing malaysian national day songs.
longest walk ever. flowers are EVIL.
i told laremy that a worm would pop out from the flower and bite his dick. he threatened to ring for the nurse to escort me away. in fact throughout my visit, he constantly threatened to do so but never did.
don't look sick de worz? hahaha. BECAUSE HE IS WEARING MAKE- UP! mascara and blusher, to be precise. he took out my mascara and said, "dildo!" then i said, "ya, a hairy one too." he opened it, and of course, i suggested putting some on him. then hana and nydia started saying eyeshadow and lipgloss and whatnots that i think scared him quite a bit. in the end i said, "blusher?'' he wasn't very obliging but i told him it will make him look "healthy!" it worked. and walla. blushing pretty boy.
i don't think we're allowed to bully patients like that. :)
then cuz poor laremy took the chair out and let us three sit on his bed, i had to lift the chair back to its place. i smartly walked backwards with the chair, hence resulting in this...
joy and laughter.
so fiza, what are you gonna do? where are you gonna squeeze? hmm hmm hmm?
well. you could always,
climb.
and climb i did.
i don't think clambering around on chairs are exactly legal stuff in hospitals but hey, desperate situation calls for desperate measures.
and while crossing the road to get to the mamak stall to have lunch, i was singing avril and prancing around. and a van of cops stared, according to hana and nyd. ah well.
and because of the lack of sleep (i reached home at 5, slept till 8), i ended tuition half and hour earlier thinking it was already over. it has never happened before. i think its partly cuz the girl really annoys me. nyeh.
i told hafiz about my little climbing incident in the hospital and he said in an indulgent tone, "hehe, you had quite an adventure today eh."
and that's why i love you.
midnight craving
on a sudden whim i talked about my husband and i told hana, "oh i love him! i want to marry him!" as it turns out, i was just hungry. nope, husband- craving whittled away as soon as it came.
this looks like perfectly normal chocolate, no?
WRONG.
look closely. it is CACAT! this is UGLY CHOCOLATE!
AND it was wrapped twice. yes, there were two pieces of that gold wrap. why?! does this look like a gold mine to you? its just chocolate! just wrap once la! not only is it a waste of paper, you deprive the chocolate- eater of more immediate satisfaction cuz she had to tear TWO pieces of gold paper. BODOH sekali. VERY stupid.
and of course, upon closer inspection...
MADE IN MALAYSIA.
CAYA LA MALAYSIA! MALAYSIA BOLEHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
boleh blah.
on a sudden whim i talked about my husband and i told hana, "oh i love him! i want to marry him!" as it turns out, i was just hungry. nope, husband- craving whittled away as soon as it came.
this looks like perfectly normal chocolate, no?
WRONG.
look closely. it is CACAT! this is UGLY CHOCOLATE!
AND it was wrapped twice. yes, there were two pieces of that gold wrap. why?! does this look like a gold mine to you? its just chocolate! just wrap once la! not only is it a waste of paper, you deprive the chocolate- eater of more immediate satisfaction cuz she had to tear TWO pieces of gold paper. BODOH sekali. VERY stupid.
and of course, upon closer inspection...
MADE IN MALAYSIA.
CAYA LA MALAYSIA! MALAYSIA BOLEHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
boleh blah.
Monday, June 27, 2005
what a nonsensical conversation
the belo one have taken to saying, ""hohoho" after saying, "i love you" or "i miss you." so now my handphone inbox is full of messages like, "i miss you. hohoho. haha." and, "ok. love you. hohoho. lazing around in bed?" any chances that he's been possessed by santa? you're pretty early aren't you, jolly fat man in red suit.
anyway news is the moo- man is hospitalised cuz his dick is dirty. NOT. not too, because his dick caught fire, as i told the belo one. poor laremy is lying down in SGH right now as we speak, and tomorrow me and nyds shall pay him a visit. watch out le cow!
tuition at 4 then a bit of suntec lovin' for me and mum. got a skirt and bag from dorothy perks. in time for date with the belo one this friday. whee! and joy too, cuz i went to starbucks for some vanilla latte and whoooooo shall serve me but half of the handsome twosome; khairin. later while waiting for my coffee khairun popped up, giving me mild confusion. but all is cool. yeahyeah. cute boys rock.
me and the belo one.
me: hello? oi what you want.
him: talk la then what.
me: i want to shit laaaa.
him: you go shit la then call me back.
me: don't want la. talk la! what you want to talk. faster talk then i go shit.
him: no la you go shit then call me back la i free incoming.
me: don't want! don't want! don't want!
him: ok ok we talk now la.
me: ok bye! *hangs up*
me: oh i saw khairin you know just now! so next time we cannot go starbucks suntec wait he don't like me anymore.
him: aiya you anyhow la! as if he like you like that.
me: he liiiiiiiike... nyeh. he like me uh!
him: ok whatever moving on.
him: so describe your day.
me: er, wan is handsome. hahaha.
him: ok moving on.
me: eh can stop saying moving on or not?!?! (he said it at least 7 times tonight) i don't want to move on! i want to sit down here and SHIT!
both: hahahaha.
me: what la?! song boh?
him: eh! why you so fierce? potong kepala nak (cut your head, you want)?
me: hahaha. ANAK KAU SKINHEAD (your son is a skinhead)!
him: ok ok enough.
me: duit aku dah hilaaaang (my money is gone)! tiga ribu patposen (three thousand and forty cents)!
him: hahaha horrible la that prank call (yes these are excerpts from a prank call recording).
me: PANGGIL KAKAK KAU PUNYE LAKI (go and call your sister's husband)!
later, he messaged me. "ok, what a nonsensical conversation." "ya la YOU started it." "ya la ya la. semua aku la (everything is my fault la). AAAH! haha. pegi berak la (go shit la). nights."
have you ever met a couple who spends half their conversation time saying shit? i tell you, we are THE jamban couple. jamban= toilet bowl. i am president of jambanism- the belief that life is like a toilet bowl, it all depends on who's sitting (and shitting) on it. and of course, shit so happens.
i was sitting with mum at the esplanade and we just talked. and she told me stories bout' my late grandma. and later in the train we laughed about the good days that me and my cousins in malaysia shared. we talked about life and relationships. mine, in particular, went under extreme scrutinity. and it was just simple joys, really, but it brought me such peace that i wondered what more i could ask for. i have absolutely everything and i am so grateful for it all. even if i could have more, i wouldn't know what to ask for. maybe, though, i will ask for more of these.
starbucks coffee, served by cute baristas, no less.
a lovely mum, and lovely food.
*cue for strummy- strummy tralala music*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
don't you know that i caaaaaaaaaaaan't smiiiiiiiiiiiile, without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, can't smiiiiiiiiiile, without youuuuuuu.
everyday i am left in disbelief at how beautiful my life is. sometimes i am so in love with my own life that i feel like i might explode. i've done so little to deserve so much, so thank you, dear God.
the belo one have taken to saying, ""hohoho" after saying, "i love you" or "i miss you." so now my handphone inbox is full of messages like, "i miss you. hohoho. haha." and, "ok. love you. hohoho. lazing around in bed?" any chances that he's been possessed by santa? you're pretty early aren't you, jolly fat man in red suit.
anyway news is the moo- man is hospitalised cuz his dick is dirty. NOT. not too, because his dick caught fire, as i told the belo one. poor laremy is lying down in SGH right now as we speak, and tomorrow me and nyds shall pay him a visit. watch out le cow!
tuition at 4 then a bit of suntec lovin' for me and mum. got a skirt and bag from dorothy perks. in time for date with the belo one this friday. whee! and joy too, cuz i went to starbucks for some vanilla latte and whoooooo shall serve me but half of the handsome twosome; khairin. later while waiting for my coffee khairun popped up, giving me mild confusion. but all is cool. yeahyeah. cute boys rock.
me and the belo one.
me: hello? oi what you want.
him: talk la then what.
me: i want to shit laaaa.
him: you go shit la then call me back.
me: don't want la. talk la! what you want to talk. faster talk then i go shit.
him: no la you go shit then call me back la i free incoming.
me: don't want! don't want! don't want!
him: ok ok we talk now la.
me: ok bye! *hangs up*
me: oh i saw khairin you know just now! so next time we cannot go starbucks suntec wait he don't like me anymore.
him: aiya you anyhow la! as if he like you like that.
me: he liiiiiiiike... nyeh. he like me uh!
him: ok whatever moving on.
him: so describe your day.
me: er, wan is handsome. hahaha.
him: ok moving on.
me: eh can stop saying moving on or not?!?! (he said it at least 7 times tonight) i don't want to move on! i want to sit down here and SHIT!
both: hahahaha.
me: what la?! song boh?
him: eh! why you so fierce? potong kepala nak (cut your head, you want)?
me: hahaha. ANAK KAU SKINHEAD (your son is a skinhead)!
him: ok ok enough.
me: duit aku dah hilaaaang (my money is gone)! tiga ribu patposen (three thousand and forty cents)!
him: hahaha horrible la that prank call (yes these are excerpts from a prank call recording).
me: PANGGIL KAKAK KAU PUNYE LAKI (go and call your sister's husband)!
later, he messaged me. "ok, what a nonsensical conversation." "ya la YOU started it." "ya la ya la. semua aku la (everything is my fault la). AAAH! haha. pegi berak la (go shit la). nights."
have you ever met a couple who spends half their conversation time saying shit? i tell you, we are THE jamban couple. jamban= toilet bowl. i am president of jambanism- the belief that life is like a toilet bowl, it all depends on who's sitting (and shitting) on it. and of course, shit so happens.
i was sitting with mum at the esplanade and we just talked. and she told me stories bout' my late grandma. and later in the train we laughed about the good days that me and my cousins in malaysia shared. we talked about life and relationships. mine, in particular, went under extreme scrutinity. and it was just simple joys, really, but it brought me such peace that i wondered what more i could ask for. i have absolutely everything and i am so grateful for it all. even if i could have more, i wouldn't know what to ask for. maybe, though, i will ask for more of these.
starbucks coffee, served by cute baristas, no less.
a lovely mum, and lovely food.
*cue for strummy- strummy tralala music*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
don't you know that i caaaaaaaaaaaan't smiiiiiiiiiiiile, without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, can't smiiiiiiiiiile, without youuuuuuu.
everyday i am left in disbelief at how beautiful my life is. sometimes i am so in love with my own life that i feel like i might explode. i've done so little to deserve so much, so thank you, dear God.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
its just another manic sunday
woke up, had a light snack then the mum annouced that we have a family gathering at loyang. PASIR freakin' RIS. -_-
so we headed there and that is how i spent my day. waking up at 2, leaving home at 5 and reaching home again, at 11. what a life.
yesterday. hohoho. yesterday, yes. well, meet the banana at 4 eventually, and we packed pizza and ya kun kaya toast from raffles city. had this great picnic brunch at esplanade. the sky was of a particularly gorgeous blue yesterday afternoon. did anyone noticed?
so the National Day Parade rehearsals were going on and music was a- blastin' and roads were a- closin'... this proved to be an issue later. but that's for later.
well initially me and the banana decided we shall head down to prince of wales pub for some local music lovin' for the pinholes. so i asked bandmate amin, who told me to ask man, the other vocalist in my band, who eventually told me where it was. then banana went off to meet her friends for dinner before rejoining me for the gig. then, man asked if i'd like to join them to listen to kruger at china bar. their music is solid and there is the benefit of seeing people i want to see. :D so why say no? so me and farhana changed plans and decided to meet at clarke quay instead.
well then. the boys were driving. well wan was, and the boys were in the car, stuck in a jam at bugis. so initial plan was they come pick me up at suntec, but due to road blocks caused by aforementioned rehearsals, that deemed impossible and i took the train down to clarke quay, meet the banana and irna, and walked down to china bar.
and hooooooooo kruger is a GOOD BAND! john molina has great stage presence and i shall not START on the bassist lest i never stop. :) but yes. they are a good band and easy on the eyes.they played smells like teen spirit, and i JUST mentioned it in my blog yesterday! and some green day stuff, and oh heavenly heavens, vindicated by dashboard. ohhh yeah. \m/ rock beb!
in between their 3 sets the place was thumping with RnB and hiphop so people were a- dancing. no i never danced with mr. anonymous. i danced with nisa though, the 'groupie'. she came later and yeah, we had a blast. its hard to not have a blast when you're with such fun boys.
later on we drove to bencoolen for supper and more laughs. they tease me about a possible love triangle between me- wan- am. which is highly unlikely so ya. utter nonsense. but they tease nisa alot and its funny. i can't really describe to you the fun i have with them. its different. unlike with my other group of friends, i'm not the joker in this clique. and i'm contented to just sit back and laugh as opposed to holding the responsibility of making them laugh. it took some getting used to but now i am more than happy to hear their jokes and just listen to my own laughter.
and discovery! i was talking to ali who sent me back (i see a potential repetitive gesture) and apparently, HE is the oldest, being all of 28 years. and WAN, whom i always thought was the youngest among the guys, is 2nd, being 26ish. ali wasn't too sure. might even be 27. which is a wow. wan behaves like a teenager still, in my opinion. man and amin are the SAME age of 25, again, a surprise, cuz man is married with 2 kids and the other just started his tertiary education at ITE East. wonder of wonders.
the crush is far from ending and that annoys me a little. i like my crushes to be quickies. touch- and- go. but bah. it never is. especially when he is that cute, with a voice like THAT, nice hands and of course, attached. gloriously fun to crush on someone you can never get. the pain is tremendous sometimes, but so is the thrill of flirting. not, for the record, like i did. but yeah. attached people, have immediately doubled desirability. even if they're the most unfaithful lovers and the biggest flirt in town. yupyup.
i think its true la, girls like to be hurt. ok fine. *i* like to be hurt. i like to chase the ones permanently out of reach cuz i think that way, the chase will never end. i like to look hard at things beyond my reach, memorise every inch of it, and replay it in my mind and imagine, what if, he WAS mine. the mind is a powerful thing. i like to manipulate it just to see how far i can go, before i cross the boudaries of mental and emotional. besides,
what is the fun in contented, peaceful love when you can have passionate pathos of love tragedies?
woke up, had a light snack then the mum annouced that we have a family gathering at loyang. PASIR freakin' RIS. -_-
so we headed there and that is how i spent my day. waking up at 2, leaving home at 5 and reaching home again, at 11. what a life.
yesterday. hohoho. yesterday, yes. well, meet the banana at 4 eventually, and we packed pizza and ya kun kaya toast from raffles city. had this great picnic brunch at esplanade. the sky was of a particularly gorgeous blue yesterday afternoon. did anyone noticed?
so the National Day Parade rehearsals were going on and music was a- blastin' and roads were a- closin'... this proved to be an issue later. but that's for later.
well initially me and the banana decided we shall head down to prince of wales pub for some local music lovin' for the pinholes. so i asked bandmate amin, who told me to ask man, the other vocalist in my band, who eventually told me where it was. then banana went off to meet her friends for dinner before rejoining me for the gig. then, man asked if i'd like to join them to listen to kruger at china bar. their music is solid and there is the benefit of seeing people i want to see. :D so why say no? so me and farhana changed plans and decided to meet at clarke quay instead.
well then. the boys were driving. well wan was, and the boys were in the car, stuck in a jam at bugis. so initial plan was they come pick me up at suntec, but due to road blocks caused by aforementioned rehearsals, that deemed impossible and i took the train down to clarke quay, meet the banana and irna, and walked down to china bar.
and hooooooooo kruger is a GOOD BAND! john molina has great stage presence and i shall not START on the bassist lest i never stop. :) but yes. they are a good band and easy on the eyes.they played smells like teen spirit, and i JUST mentioned it in my blog yesterday! and some green day stuff, and oh heavenly heavens, vindicated by dashboard. ohhh yeah. \m/ rock beb!
in between their 3 sets the place was thumping with RnB and hiphop so people were a- dancing. no i never danced with mr. anonymous. i danced with nisa though, the 'groupie'. she came later and yeah, we had a blast. its hard to not have a blast when you're with such fun boys.
later on we drove to bencoolen for supper and more laughs. they tease me about a possible love triangle between me- wan- am. which is highly unlikely so ya. utter nonsense. but they tease nisa alot and its funny. i can't really describe to you the fun i have with them. its different. unlike with my other group of friends, i'm not the joker in this clique. and i'm contented to just sit back and laugh as opposed to holding the responsibility of making them laugh. it took some getting used to but now i am more than happy to hear their jokes and just listen to my own laughter.
and discovery! i was talking to ali who sent me back (i see a potential repetitive gesture) and apparently, HE is the oldest, being all of 28 years. and WAN, whom i always thought was the youngest among the guys, is 2nd, being 26ish. ali wasn't too sure. might even be 27. which is a wow. wan behaves like a teenager still, in my opinion. man and amin are the SAME age of 25, again, a surprise, cuz man is married with 2 kids and the other just started his tertiary education at ITE East. wonder of wonders.
the crush is far from ending and that annoys me a little. i like my crushes to be quickies. touch- and- go. but bah. it never is. especially when he is that cute, with a voice like THAT, nice hands and of course, attached. gloriously fun to crush on someone you can never get. the pain is tremendous sometimes, but so is the thrill of flirting. not, for the record, like i did. but yeah. attached people, have immediately doubled desirability. even if they're the most unfaithful lovers and the biggest flirt in town. yupyup.
i think its true la, girls like to be hurt. ok fine. *i* like to be hurt. i like to chase the ones permanently out of reach cuz i think that way, the chase will never end. i like to look hard at things beyond my reach, memorise every inch of it, and replay it in my mind and imagine, what if, he WAS mine. the mind is a powerful thing. i like to manipulate it just to see how far i can go, before i cross the boudaries of mental and emotional. besides,
what is the fun in contented, peaceful love when you can have passionate pathos of love tragedies?
well wel well
just got back. last few hours spent with bandmates at china bar. kruger rocks! john molina has a superb voice. and of course, the bassist was... *swoons*
so was ahem.
sang- along, screamed along, danced along, jiggied my way home when they played RnB between sets, then laughed through supper.
though fun, definitely no second rounds to this. we gotta find a new band- bonding activity. this one's too tiring and er... dangerous. hahaha.
i had a blast. more later. nights!
just got back. last few hours spent with bandmates at china bar. kruger rocks! john molina has a superb voice. and of course, the bassist was... *swoons*
so was ahem.
sang- along, screamed along, danced along, jiggied my way home when they played RnB between sets, then laughed through supper.
though fun, definitely no second rounds to this. we gotta find a new band- bonding activity. this one's too tiring and er... dangerous. hahaha.
i had a blast. more later. nights!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
air guitar riffs
wah shiok i just downloaded this nehneh- rocking song. damn nice ah!
If the real thing don’t do the trick
You better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooh, barracuda?
Heart; Barracuda
remember this song? damn shiok la. so eighties rock.
meeting the banana at 3.30 p.m. city hall. my stomach still feels queasy. maybe my intestines dislodged itself? it feels loose, like my intestines are tumbling and rolling around in there. every time i toss and turn i feel the insides ache. weird? is that how stomach flu feels? hmm.
oh. THE PINHOLES, retropop band who once did a cover of the beatles hence winning my eternal love and devotion; is up tonight at Prince Of Wales Pub, near tekka mall. they are a good band, good stuff, easy on the eyes too. ;) so do go watch. support local shitz y'all!
everytime i listen to the used i feel 15. hahaha. cuz all these teenagers are listening to them and wearing their t- shirts. *bops* and my chemical romance. so if you wanna feel young, these are the bands. ohohoh! listening to the moffats too. haha. secondary school days. sigh.
And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
The Used; Taste of Ink
alahhh. so nice right? all this song can screamscream shoutshout. ohoh another one is yellowcard. this one i remember me and dizzie sang (or yelled) in his car on the drive back from school...
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Yellowcard; My Only One
wah fun fun. shout shout! but my favourite band to shout shout sing sing to is of course, nirvana la. classic la they.
She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Nirvana; Heart- Shaped Box
altogether now! HEY! WAIT! I'VE GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! dahdahdahdah... ahh. joy.
i wonder if my band wants to do shoutshout screamscream song. so angry, so nice! maybe i can suggest come as you are and polly next jam. oh! and this!
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
yay
hey
hey
Nirvana; Smells Like Teen Spirit
damn shiok you know. i love how he does the "hey". dang la. kurt is so hot. and i was thinking we could do michell branch but then i am so not michelle branch so forget it. and my two closest nitwits, namely lesbonbon and beloness, have declared my voice avril lavigne- ish. so insulting la. urgh. and so now i will be stigmatised and my band will probably wanna do avril day in day out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
as usual, i'm having unnecessary cows. i'm actually cowing in procrastination. OHOH iTunes playing man who sold the world! rock laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
okok i go change and meet banana now. *mumble mumble* my stomach is unstable la.
more tom yam for me today. sigh.
wah shiok i just downloaded this nehneh- rocking song. damn nice ah!
If the real thing don’t do the trick
You better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooh, barracuda?
Heart; Barracuda
remember this song? damn shiok la. so eighties rock.
meeting the banana at 3.30 p.m. city hall. my stomach still feels queasy. maybe my intestines dislodged itself? it feels loose, like my intestines are tumbling and rolling around in there. every time i toss and turn i feel the insides ache. weird? is that how stomach flu feels? hmm.
oh. THE PINHOLES, retropop band who once did a cover of the beatles hence winning my eternal love and devotion; is up tonight at Prince Of Wales Pub, near tekka mall. they are a good band, good stuff, easy on the eyes too. ;) so do go watch. support local shitz y'all!
everytime i listen to the used i feel 15. hahaha. cuz all these teenagers are listening to them and wearing their t- shirts. *bops* and my chemical romance. so if you wanna feel young, these are the bands. ohohoh! listening to the moffats too. haha. secondary school days. sigh.
And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
The Used; Taste of Ink
alahhh. so nice right? all this song can screamscream shoutshout. ohoh another one is yellowcard. this one i remember me and dizzie sang (or yelled) in his car on the drive back from school...
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Yellowcard; My Only One
wah fun fun. shout shout! but my favourite band to shout shout sing sing to is of course, nirvana la. classic la they.
She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Nirvana; Heart- Shaped Box
altogether now! HEY! WAIT! I'VE GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! dahdahdahdah... ahh. joy.
i wonder if my band wants to do shoutshout screamscream song. so angry, so nice! maybe i can suggest come as you are and polly next jam. oh! and this!
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
yay
hey
hey
Nirvana; Smells Like Teen Spirit
damn shiok you know. i love how he does the "hey". dang la. kurt is so hot. and i was thinking we could do michell branch but then i am so not michelle branch so forget it. and my two closest nitwits, namely lesbonbon and beloness, have declared my voice avril lavigne- ish. so insulting la. urgh. and so now i will be stigmatised and my band will probably wanna do avril day in day out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
as usual, i'm having unnecessary cows. i'm actually cowing in procrastination. OHOH iTunes playing man who sold the world! rock laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
okok i go change and meet banana now. *mumble mumble* my stomach is unstable la.
more tom yam for me today. sigh.
Friday, June 24, 2005
the name to the madness
stomach flu! yes! solved! my great mental dilemma on what the shit is going on with my body... i have the answer now, STOMACH FLU!
see once you know what it is, half the battle is won. psychologically, i am killing the wretched virus infecting my intestines. how DARE you mess with my intestines?
bless the www and google. apparently, 7- Up and Jell- o will be good for me now. as long as its not solid food. so i guess i'm sticking to bland watery food over the weekend. they say don't overwork my infected intestines. who are they? googlers, of course. too lazy to link. just google stomach flu, and you'll be presented with a myriad of answers. joy!
the belo one. "maybe on sunday i can offer you my own radical peice of medicine. a chocolate sundae?" when i told him i already had some vanilla ice- cream last night and about to have some now, he replied, "oh no! you copied my scientific medical breakthrough. tak boleh jadi ni (this cannot be)." when i told him he was right, that it is stomach flu, he replied, "ha. i'm a doctor. of course i'm right. ok... get your rest k my stomach flu- infected grapefish. or whatever you call it."
yes i've exposed him to jamban vocabulary. he now knows he's a beefish. and i'm a grapefish. sounds better that way.
tomorrow i will meet with the banana for lunch and chitter chatter. maybe we will hit china bar and see if they got any good musicians up for the weekend. have a normal, 20- year- old weekend, by my definition.
i just finished a tub of magnolia vanilla ice- cream. whee! die you stomach flu, DIE!
stomach flu! yes! solved! my great mental dilemma on what the shit is going on with my body... i have the answer now, STOMACH FLU!
see once you know what it is, half the battle is won. psychologically, i am killing the wretched virus infecting my intestines. how DARE you mess with my intestines?
bless the www and google. apparently, 7- Up and Jell- o will be good for me now. as long as its not solid food. so i guess i'm sticking to bland watery food over the weekend. they say don't overwork my infected intestines. who are they? googlers, of course. too lazy to link. just google stomach flu, and you'll be presented with a myriad of answers. joy!
the belo one. "maybe on sunday i can offer you my own radical peice of medicine. a chocolate sundae?" when i told him i already had some vanilla ice- cream last night and about to have some now, he replied, "oh no! you copied my scientific medical breakthrough. tak boleh jadi ni (this cannot be)." when i told him he was right, that it is stomach flu, he replied, "ha. i'm a doctor. of course i'm right. ok... get your rest k my stomach flu- infected grapefish. or whatever you call it."
yes i've exposed him to jamban vocabulary. he now knows he's a beefish. and i'm a grapefish. sounds better that way.
tomorrow i will meet with the banana for lunch and chitter chatter. maybe we will hit china bar and see if they got any good musicians up for the weekend. have a normal, 20- year- old weekend, by my definition.
i just finished a tub of magnolia vanilla ice- cream. whee! die you stomach flu, DIE!
slumped
i think the full effects of the cough syrup took place today. i had an appointment with eddie koh at 11 back at peejay, and a date with the banana at 4ish and hana asked if i could accompany her to bugis.
never in my whole life have i ever blew off 3 people in a row.
but in that mental condition i couldn't even feel bad. i just texted all of them and apologized, promising to make up for it, and went back to sleep.
finally roused at 5.20 p.m. and i still had stomach pains. realized that i haven't eaten for 17 hours. so gastric pain was back. finally ate a banditto and i'd say the pain is going going gone.
i've never felt so tired in my whole life! its like all i want to do is lie down. i even brought my iBook to bed to type this. there's nothing i wanna do, unless i can do it lying down. hence my new project have been put on hold. will let you guys know soon.
the beloness have been very nice. unlike previously, he hasn't fussed and nagged half as much as he would when i'm sick. last night i told him i was in bed already with a hot water bottle, waiting for my porridge. and he replied, "ok. rest k. love you. message me once you're better and if you feel like it." i think that is a very understanding message.
he has been doing a lovely job as a resurrected boyfriend. when i told him about having a new crush, he barely blinked and simply asked, "haiz. again. and on whom, may i ask?" and even after telling him the person, he said, "cheh, i thought it was me." :D
seeing you try again is heartwrenching. cuz i know this might or might not go anywhere. also cuz i know i am being so careful i don't even try half as hard. i am just being what i am, no additionals. but i want you to know it has been the best 4 days of my life, as far as relationships go. you make it so easy for me. thank you.
i've got tuition in half an hour and the only reason why i am going for that is the money.
it's aaaaaaaaaaaall bout' the money.
i think the full effects of the cough syrup took place today. i had an appointment with eddie koh at 11 back at peejay, and a date with the banana at 4ish and hana asked if i could accompany her to bugis.
never in my whole life have i ever blew off 3 people in a row.
but in that mental condition i couldn't even feel bad. i just texted all of them and apologized, promising to make up for it, and went back to sleep.
finally roused at 5.20 p.m. and i still had stomach pains. realized that i haven't eaten for 17 hours. so gastric pain was back. finally ate a banditto and i'd say the pain is going going gone.
i've never felt so tired in my whole life! its like all i want to do is lie down. i even brought my iBook to bed to type this. there's nothing i wanna do, unless i can do it lying down. hence my new project have been put on hold. will let you guys know soon.
the beloness have been very nice. unlike previously, he hasn't fussed and nagged half as much as he would when i'm sick. last night i told him i was in bed already with a hot water bottle, waiting for my porridge. and he replied, "ok. rest k. love you. message me once you're better and if you feel like it." i think that is a very understanding message.
he has been doing a lovely job as a resurrected boyfriend. when i told him about having a new crush, he barely blinked and simply asked, "haiz. again. and on whom, may i ask?" and even after telling him the person, he said, "cheh, i thought it was me." :D
seeing you try again is heartwrenching. cuz i know this might or might not go anywhere. also cuz i know i am being so careful i don't even try half as hard. i am just being what i am, no additionals. but i want you to know it has been the best 4 days of my life, as far as relationships go. you make it so easy for me. thank you.
i've got tuition in half an hour and the only reason why i am going for that is the money.
it's aaaaaaaaaaaall bout' the money.
what a load of bull
next time you get a hacking cough, DON'T take woods' peppermint cough syrup. it does not work!
i am not DROWSY, i am not SLEEPY and i am still hacking like a choking cow. "Relieves Coughing, Soothes Sore Throat, Loosens Phlegm" my ARSE.
since i can't sleep i read. i finished a whole book. then i decided, ah well. surely there'll be someone online.
and lo and behold, nydia was. so we chatted. she asked me if i was going to go watch hakim do his silat thang.
nyd: so are you?
me: qwjrenfkerldgijkserdpapwioeklfjtknrg. that, is my answer.
nyd: right. and how is that a yes or a no?
me: that is a, qqiioewjenusgijkvca9owejfsld. that, is cough syrup.
nyd: that was what i was going to say.
so basically all this cough syrup have managed to do is slur my thoughts. so i'm DRUGGED. but not physically! just mentally. so if i am usually mental, expect more now.
i just read my two previous entries. there is 9 happys' in the jamming entry and 6 brights' in the sick entry. maybe i was delirious for a longer period of time than i thought. and fotograft i have no idea what you're talking about i write VERY sensibly when i am well okay. all that technicolour walls talk was the cough syrup. i am usually very normal. bah.
i am hungry. i am craving for a big fat unhealthy cheeseburger, no pickles. and chocolate cake.
think anyone would notice if sneak out?
nah can't. too lazy and too goddamn tired.
:(
okay i am moderately cheered up.
this is my crush, who shall remain anonymous. he is mr. attached. i've only seen him in dark- coloured tees, black, grey, such. and he wears blue jeans with those dangly chains. and his hair is normal, black, and gelled up. sometimes.
this is apek, who recently requested a seth cohen makeover. so now i guess he looks something like this. i encourage him to wear light colours cuz he looks like such a boy that way. heh heh heh.
its amazing how java applet dolls can make me happy.
next time you get a hacking cough, DON'T take woods' peppermint cough syrup. it does not work!
i am not DROWSY, i am not SLEEPY and i am still hacking like a choking cow. "Relieves Coughing, Soothes Sore Throat, Loosens Phlegm" my ARSE.
since i can't sleep i read. i finished a whole book. then i decided, ah well. surely there'll be someone online.
and lo and behold, nydia was. so we chatted. she asked me if i was going to go watch hakim do his silat thang.
nyd: so are you?
me: qwjrenfkerldgijkserdpapwioeklfjtknrg. that, is my answer.
nyd: right. and how is that a yes or a no?
me: that is a, qqiioewjenusgijkvca9owejfsld. that, is cough syrup.
nyd: that was what i was going to say.
so basically all this cough syrup have managed to do is slur my thoughts. so i'm DRUGGED. but not physically! just mentally. so if i am usually mental, expect more now.
i just read my two previous entries. there is 9 happys' in the jamming entry and 6 brights' in the sick entry. maybe i was delirious for a longer period of time than i thought. and fotograft i have no idea what you're talking about i write VERY sensibly when i am well okay. all that technicolour walls talk was the cough syrup. i am usually very normal. bah.
i am hungry. i am craving for a big fat unhealthy cheeseburger, no pickles. and chocolate cake.
think anyone would notice if sneak out?
nah can't. too lazy and too goddamn tired.
:(
okay i am moderately cheered up.
this is my crush, who shall remain anonymous. he is mr. attached. i've only seen him in dark- coloured tees, black, grey, such. and he wears blue jeans with those dangly chains. and his hair is normal, black, and gelled up. sometimes.
this is apek, who recently requested a seth cohen makeover. so now i guess he looks something like this. i encourage him to wear light colours cuz he looks like such a boy that way. heh heh heh.
its amazing how java applet dolls can make me happy.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
yeah, you only live once
thanks to last night's little musical escapade today i woke up with the sandy beaches of barbados in my mouth. i barely had a voice and i had 2 tutoring sessions.
when i was at 2nd tutee's place i realized i was having slight nausea. and back pains. and cramps. and therefore...
its that time of the month.
however i don't usually get nauseous. and while waiting for a cab back and talking to the belo one we came to the grand conclusion, as of 8.40 p.m., the last meal i had was 24 hours ago, hence the gastric pain, hence the nausea. -_-
got home and plonked on my bed, placed a hot water bottle on the tummy and dozed off every few seconds. at some point of time i was so delirious with pain i heard voices. talking near me. and then voices of people rushing past me, to and fro. i think the belo one was really freaked cuz he called and according to him my voice was fading away. uh huh.
but mum got me porridge and stuffed me with cough syrup and if i don't get better tomorrow i don't see what else is there to do.
now i am going to sleep with 3 layers of blankets cuz apparently i'm running a temperature and i need to break sweat. right.
my room looks very bright. like the colours are very... bright. tehnicolour or something. its really bright. there's my bright orange bottle full of hot water sitting on a bright pink bedsheet and all the colours are really very bright. like a rainbow.
i think i should sleep.
good night.
thanks to last night's little musical escapade today i woke up with the sandy beaches of barbados in my mouth. i barely had a voice and i had 2 tutoring sessions.
when i was at 2nd tutee's place i realized i was having slight nausea. and back pains. and cramps. and therefore...
its that time of the month.
however i don't usually get nauseous. and while waiting for a cab back and talking to the belo one we came to the grand conclusion, as of 8.40 p.m., the last meal i had was 24 hours ago, hence the gastric pain, hence the nausea. -_-
got home and plonked on my bed, placed a hot water bottle on the tummy and dozed off every few seconds. at some point of time i was so delirious with pain i heard voices. talking near me. and then voices of people rushing past me, to and fro. i think the belo one was really freaked cuz he called and according to him my voice was fading away. uh huh.
but mum got me porridge and stuffed me with cough syrup and if i don't get better tomorrow i don't see what else is there to do.
now i am going to sleep with 3 layers of blankets cuz apparently i'm running a temperature and i need to break sweat. right.
my room looks very bright. like the colours are very... bright. tehnicolour or something. its really bright. there's my bright orange bottle full of hot water sitting on a bright pink bedsheet and all the colours are really very bright. like a rainbow.
i think i should sleep.
good night.
no ending
apparently, that's our band name. haha. cuz we never can end a song properly.
crush is growing at a healthy happy rate. lalala.
happy happy happy.
jammed for 2 hours then off to arab street, didn't feel like it, squeezed into one car and ate at bencoolen.
then back to arab street to dump the rest.
and then drummerboy sent me home. he lives nearby. yeapyeap.
okay so that was my happy jam session.
lalalala...
he is still cute and funny and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
yes, that was a very apt description.
happy happy days.
updated//
ok i can't SLEEP cuz i called hana to gush about him then now i am here to gush about him i am going to gush about him everywhere everytime until i get sick of it.
hafiz if you read this no don't worry i'm not dumping you for him. of course, unless he dumps her for me then i really OUGHT to return a favour.
joke dude. where's your sense of humour? hehe. i love you. huahahahaha.
i can't seem to say that thing without the laugh at the back. weird.
so anyway do you guys have any suggestions of female songs that a 3- piece band can play? i.e. drums, bass, lead. nil keyboardist. we're looking for one, but i guess not looking very hard.these boys are very close- knitted and it took them a while to even accept me.
they finally did today, and it was probably cuz of the halter top. HAHAHA.
anyway i realized squeezing up in a car always bond people. i.e. post- musical 8 in a car; tonight 2 big boys plus small me at the back. helps if the radio's blasting rock songs. especially if you're a 'rock' band. then everyone sings and everyone is out- of- tune even the lead vocalists.
and i said 'rock' cuz sometimes we play dangdut. that's indonesian techno. and sometimes we shake our butts, ngebur, or gelek, or whatever, ala dangdut dancers. but yeah. we ngebur- ed to pearl jam's last kiss tonight. murderous.
they finally asked me if i want to go on singing avril. i said no happily and they said i can suggest songs. yay! no more avril. so yea. suggestions?
i feel sicker. i think when you're sick you should be resting not spending your wee hours awake singing and ngeburing and suppering with strange boys but hey, you only live once.
its safe to crush on attached guys cuz then they're like animals in glass confinements. they look so near, you can go so close to them, they look so clear and visible but there's only so much you can get close to. more than that you're blocked by the glass wall. i like the glass walls. it keeps me safe. hahaha. and sane. however as theorised glass breaks. without even anyone touching it sometimes. sometimes it breaks from the outside, sometimes the inside. all i know is i will not play a part in breaking the glass cuz glass is precious and expensive and built after much thought. go analogise that yourself.
so i am so crushing on mr. attached. a healthy long- distance crush. my crushes are only fun when they're unreachable. e.g. faidzal became reachable hence not fun. as long as he is mysterious and unknown, its a crush. the more i get to know the guy, the less appealing he usually becomes. so ya. this is gooooooooooooood.
as i told hana being in this band makes me happy cuz they're so weird and dysfunctional that for 2 precious hours in that jam studio, *i* am the normal one. i hold court for sanity and normalcy. unlike now in the real world i am weird and psychotic. with them, i am welcomed. bliss.
times are tough but i get by. happy times like these. singing sweet child of mine and swinging the mike stand ala bo bice. having teh chino at 3 a.m. along bencoolen street. riding in packed cars. yammering away on rock songs. catching glimpses across tables, cymbals, mike stands and strands of hair. laughing together while not looking at each other. fun fun fun.
ok NOW i can sleep. i'm all gushed out. huargh huargh huargh.
apparently, that's our band name. haha. cuz we never can end a song properly.
crush is growing at a healthy happy rate. lalala.
happy happy happy.
jammed for 2 hours then off to arab street, didn't feel like it, squeezed into one car and ate at bencoolen.
then back to arab street to dump the rest.
and then drummerboy sent me home. he lives nearby. yeapyeap.
okay so that was my happy jam session.
lalalala...
he is still cute and funny and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
yes, that was a very apt description.
happy happy days.
updated//
ok i can't SLEEP cuz i called hana to gush about him then now i am here to gush about him i am going to gush about him everywhere everytime until i get sick of it.
hafiz if you read this no don't worry i'm not dumping you for him. of course, unless he dumps her for me then i really OUGHT to return a favour.
joke dude. where's your sense of humour? hehe. i love you. huahahahaha.
i can't seem to say that thing without the laugh at the back. weird.
so anyway do you guys have any suggestions of female songs that a 3- piece band can play? i.e. drums, bass, lead. nil keyboardist. we're looking for one, but i guess not looking very hard.these boys are very close- knitted and it took them a while to even accept me.
they finally did today, and it was probably cuz of the halter top. HAHAHA.
anyway i realized squeezing up in a car always bond people. i.e. post- musical 8 in a car; tonight 2 big boys plus small me at the back. helps if the radio's blasting rock songs. especially if you're a 'rock' band. then everyone sings and everyone is out- of- tune even the lead vocalists.
and i said 'rock' cuz sometimes we play dangdut. that's indonesian techno. and sometimes we shake our butts, ngebur, or gelek, or whatever, ala dangdut dancers. but yeah. we ngebur- ed to pearl jam's last kiss tonight. murderous.
they finally asked me if i want to go on singing avril. i said no happily and they said i can suggest songs. yay! no more avril. so yea. suggestions?
i feel sicker. i think when you're sick you should be resting not spending your wee hours awake singing and ngeburing and suppering with strange boys but hey, you only live once.
its safe to crush on attached guys cuz then they're like animals in glass confinements. they look so near, you can go so close to them, they look so clear and visible but there's only so much you can get close to. more than that you're blocked by the glass wall. i like the glass walls. it keeps me safe. hahaha. and sane. however as theorised glass breaks. without even anyone touching it sometimes. sometimes it breaks from the outside, sometimes the inside. all i know is i will not play a part in breaking the glass cuz glass is precious and expensive and built after much thought. go analogise that yourself.
so i am so crushing on mr. attached. a healthy long- distance crush. my crushes are only fun when they're unreachable. e.g. faidzal became reachable hence not fun. as long as he is mysterious and unknown, its a crush. the more i get to know the guy, the less appealing he usually becomes. so ya. this is gooooooooooooood.
as i told hana being in this band makes me happy cuz they're so weird and dysfunctional that for 2 precious hours in that jam studio, *i* am the normal one. i hold court for sanity and normalcy. unlike now in the real world i am weird and psychotic. with them, i am welcomed. bliss.
times are tough but i get by. happy times like these. singing sweet child of mine and swinging the mike stand ala bo bice. having teh chino at 3 a.m. along bencoolen street. riding in packed cars. yammering away on rock songs. catching glimpses across tables, cymbals, mike stands and strands of hair. laughing together while not looking at each other. fun fun fun.
ok NOW i can sleep. i'm all gushed out. huargh huargh huargh.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
fee fie fo fumm
i smell the blood of an english man!
actually i don't, with this bloody blocked nose, i don't smell a thing. and my tastebuds are GONE and my throat feels like sandpaper. oh bliss this is.
yesterday was like a day out playing i- spy- a- cute- guy. as reported by reliable sources, cute starbucks twins from far east have been transferred to suntec city. now don't you all go invading it in droves.
plus, there is a really cute malay guy (according to nyds) working at raffles city. as we sat eating dinner by the fountain, nyds took it upon her to (in)discreetly snap pictures of him.
she spies.
i was quite worried that he might see and think we're psychos but he didn't. and besides, what does it matter.
and more i- spy- cute- guy today cuz i got jammmmmmmmmmming. jammmmmmmmming. *does a little jig* (by the way you should really see my jig, its a cool jig.) though with a throat like this and a dripping nose i doubt i'll sound any sexier than a mating cat.
but there'll be eye candy!
ok i'm off for tuition. hardworking slog that i am.
more later.
i smell the blood of an english man!
actually i don't, with this bloody blocked nose, i don't smell a thing. and my tastebuds are GONE and my throat feels like sandpaper. oh bliss this is.
yesterday was like a day out playing i- spy- a- cute- guy. as reported by reliable sources, cute starbucks twins from far east have been transferred to suntec city. now don't you all go invading it in droves.
plus, there is a really cute malay guy (according to nyds) working at raffles city. as we sat eating dinner by the fountain, nyds took it upon her to (in)discreetly snap pictures of him.
she spies.
i was quite worried that he might see and think we're psychos but he didn't. and besides, what does it matter.
and more i- spy- cute- guy today cuz i got jammmmmmmmmmming. jammmmmmmmming. *does a little jig* (by the way you should really see my jig, its a cool jig.) though with a throat like this and a dripping nose i doubt i'll sound any sexier than a mating cat.
but there'll be eye candy!
ok i'm off for tuition. hardworking slog that i am.
more later.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
still alone, much happier.
contrary to popular demand, blog name shall remain unchanged. cuz i still regard myself as a swinging single and when i came up with the title i wasn't merely referring to my love life, i was describing how i live my life. am a solitude- lover (see About Me).
so yes. this thing with him is very weird and funky, like us. i guess its what many would call an open relationship but a relationship is a relationship is a relationship so there.
thanks to all well- wishers, we are still amused and getting over the fact that we have just got back together.
would love to blog on but i got a whore of a cough, a blasted dripping nose and head is drumming out its own nice little beat. like an indian tabla.
which is a shame really, had such a good time with nydia and sara today. and i saw many many cute boys. more on that another day i guess.
the beloness called and asked me how i was. he only called once today! *beams* progress. and i told him i was sick. and he went on a mini- tirade about how i fall sick easily. and then cuz he is working his night shift at the new hq which is like super underground, he was worried i won't be able to call him in case of emergencies (poor reception and all that).
him: uhh... ok in case of emergencies... uhh... you call... uhh...
me: 999?
him: nono.
me: 995? then got firemen.
him: no. okay you take down this number.
and proceeded to give me his office number. nonsense la. why in god's name will i need to call him? but ah well. :)
ok i really need to sleep or i just might fall flat on my laptop. simply won't do to have keyboard prints on my forehead.
*cough* *clears throat* groan.
OH! *double beam* jamming tomorrow. which means crush sightseeing! and i told the belo one. and i was all, "ooooh we have JAMMING tomorrow!" and he said, "wah wah so happy ah." :D:D:D "yaaaa! got ******!" "harumph. you don't sound sick." "COUGH!"
okay la. heh.
okay. umm.
er.
i love him.
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHA.
okgoodnightandgoodbye.
contrary to popular demand, blog name shall remain unchanged. cuz i still regard myself as a swinging single and when i came up with the title i wasn't merely referring to my love life, i was describing how i live my life. am a solitude- lover (see About Me).
so yes. this thing with him is very weird and funky, like us. i guess its what many would call an open relationship but a relationship is a relationship is a relationship so there.
thanks to all well- wishers, we are still amused and getting over the fact that we have just got back together.
would love to blog on but i got a whore of a cough, a blasted dripping nose and head is drumming out its own nice little beat. like an indian tabla.
which is a shame really, had such a good time with nydia and sara today. and i saw many many cute boys. more on that another day i guess.
the beloness called and asked me how i was. he only called once today! *beams* progress. and i told him i was sick. and he went on a mini- tirade about how i fall sick easily. and then cuz he is working his night shift at the new hq which is like super underground, he was worried i won't be able to call him in case of emergencies (poor reception and all that).
him: uhh... ok in case of emergencies... uhh... you call... uhh...
me: 999?
him: nono.
me: 995? then got firemen.
him: no. okay you take down this number.
and proceeded to give me his office number. nonsense la. why in god's name will i need to call him? but ah well. :)
ok i really need to sleep or i just might fall flat on my laptop. simply won't do to have keyboard prints on my forehead.
*cough* *clears throat* groan.
OH! *double beam* jamming tomorrow. which means crush sightseeing! and i told the belo one. and i was all, "ooooh we have JAMMING tomorrow!" and he said, "wah wah so happy ah." :D:D:D "yaaaa! got ******!" "harumph. you don't sound sick." "COUGH!"
okay la. heh.
okay. umm.
er.
i love him.
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHA.
okgoodnightandgoodbye.
You Belong in New York CityYou're an energetic, ambitious woman. And only NYC is fast enough for you. Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career Or simply take in all the city has to offer What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |  |
whee! new york new york! *does a little jig*
Monday, June 20, 2005
betty crooked
i've gone martha stewart and cooked dinner today. i had tuition at 4 near sembawang and after it ended, i was starving.
so. i had options. fast food, instant noodles, travel beyond my comfort zone to get some good food, or... COOK?
i was sick of fast food and instant noodles. and travelling to causeway point in the sweltering heat was too much of a tall order for me. so cook it was.
first (and only) stop, prime supermarket. got penne pasta, spicy sardine, peeled prawns and milk. it was a simple dish but it brought me and my tummy great joy. be aware this was a recipe derived from extreme hunger and dire finances. not the best combi.
got home, dumped food in kitchen, changed up, and of course, put on my favourite (and only) apron. i shall now share with you my lovely recipe for le penne pasta wiz zee herring.
now firstly, you must put on an apron, and tie up your hair. one is for novelty factor and of course, ease of wiping hands, while the other is to ensure you won't get hair in your food. UCK.
it is also important to keep your phone near you, cuz it won't do for it to ring and have you run out of the kitchen leaving fire and food unattended. nuh- uh. won't do. so keep it close at all times. just this one cooking expedition alone i had 5 phone calls. imagine, if the phone wasn't in the kitchen with me.
then of course, you have the ingredients and utensils.
that's $2 worth of peeled prawns, $2.35 ayam brand canned spicy sardines, $1.20 penne pasta, free- mysteriously- stowed- in- larder cream of chicken soup, a handful of dried chilli, a pot, and a drainer.
soak your dried chilli to get the flavour out. actually normal chilli padi would do even better unfortunately, this household swear by dried chilli. with chilli padi, just chop, no need to soak.
next, open your pack of prawns and rinse.
i cannot emphasise this enough. wash your prawns thoroughly. prawns and delicious things but they have been to places and cleanliness is always good. so folks, WASH YOUR PRAWNS.
drain the soaked chilli and prawns. now place the pot on the stove and heat up some oil.
mix in your prawns and chilli. fry.
once it turns a pretty orange like so, turn off stove. a little inside secret; before frying it with oil, i fried the prawns and chilli with some lime syrup. yeah like rose syrup? but the lime cordial. yup. it gives a nice tangy flavour.
now fry your sardine. don't forget to add in more drained soaked chilli. only if you're a chilli whore like me. cuz spicy sardine is already very spicy.
now add in your previously fried prawns and chilli (yes more chilli).
fry fry fry then put it in a bowl.
now do your pasta. i emptied half the packet and filled the pot with enough water to fully submerge the pasta.
then do your soup. and let it simmer while the pasta boil.
if like me, you like fancy drinks to go with your fancy- ish dinner, make some mocha! what you see is instant mocha mix. just add milk. but if you don't have it, coffee, chocolate sauce and milk will do.
now once all that is done, drain your boiled pasta and mix in your pasta sauce. stirr it well and you will have all your sardine evenly mixed.
now with all that is said and done, what more is there to do?
DIG IN!
so yes, that was my evening.
anyway in an interesting turn of events, i am, er, back, together, with, er, hafiz.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA.
i'm sorry i've been dying to laugh. GOD! no i'm not kidding.
we've been hung up lately about this whole mess we're in. we are supposedly friends but i still love him and he still behaves like a protective boyfriend and blablabla. so i gave him an ultimatum; we get back together and run the final course of this relationship, get it over and done with (yes, my precise words) or we stop talking to each other, incommunicado until we're both over each other.
in the end we decided to give it one last shot and if it doesn't work out, we will have the much- delayed and much- needed incommunicado period.
me: oh ok... so is that our decision?
him: yes that's it the house has spoken well at least i've spoken and that's enough.
me:oh ok. does this mean we're back together?
him: ahh... ya la. and if it doesn't work we do the whole don't- talk- to- each- other thing. heh.
me: oh. ok. wow. we're together? like that? so easy?
him: haha ya. i love you.
me: auuuuuuungh.
me: ok. what time is it? what date is it?
him: haha. it's 20th. and it's 8.48 p.m.
me: ok. we're together. oh my god! i'm attached again?!?! i liked being single! i'm not single anymore!
him: ......
me: argh! i'm back with you! we're together! again!
him: wow what a great start.
me: ok let's set some rules.
him: oooh ok ok rules.
me: ok. we can go out with other people. BOTH of us.
him: yeah ok but must be someone we both know, or have been introduced to.
me: yeah ok. and if we got valid personal objections, we can bring it up. like if i think the girl you're going out with has smelly hair or hairy armpits.
him: uhmm ya ok.
me: ya but must be valid! no such things as i don't like him cuz he has eyes glinting like a murderer's.
him: hehehe ok ya that's for me right.
him: don't do things like, go to guy's house at night when everyone else is asleep, even if just to watch VCDs.
me: oh, like faizal? haha.
him: yes. i think the faizal thing was wayyyy over the line. basically don't do things that you won't want me to do.
me: oh... ok.
him: yes, would you like me to go to girl's houses all alone?
me: but that would never happen what!
him: what?!
me: yaaaa! because you cannot go out at night!
him: ....... why at night? can be in the afternoon right go her house alone!
me: aiya noooo la where got girls will invite you over one. no one!
him: !!!!!!!!! you're missing the point!!!
me: correct what! no girls would ask you over all alone and make out with you!
him: -_-
him: umm ya ok clubbing.
me: ooooooh yes clubbing!
him: you don't club often right?
me: ah no la. but i do.
him: ok la. i mean go to safe clubs. don't go somewhere where you can get raped or killed.
me: hello, don't i look like i have more common sense than that?
him: no la i'm just saying. my friends said that those clubs featured in juice magazines are the safe ones. the others you can get raped or killed. that's what he laid out to me la, in simple english. is it true?
me: -_-
him: ok and i'll try to say i love you less.
me: yes! thank you!
only with me will that be an issue.
him: sooo ya. okay. let's be more open and understanding.
me: ya. and let's not talk about a future.
him: yup.
me: nothing beyond the next 2 years.
him: mmm.
me: if we go that far in the first place.
him: wow you're really optimistic.
me: aiyah is this relationship over? i'm tired already and we haven't even done anything.
sooooooooooooooooooo yeap. one more time. and this time if it doesn't work out... at least we tried our darndest.
and after that long- ass conversation, we finally put down the phone. ("okay." "yeah. okay." "can i say i love you?" "i dunno." "haha. ok la. good evening." "it's NINE." "ok. good night.")
and he called back 10 seconds later.
"what?!"
"hahaha nothing. just want to say i love you and i will try to be a better boyfriend this time."
:)
round two, DING DING DING!
we both know this time i'm not in it for the forever. i'm in it for the now. and like i told him, i still can't promise forever, i still am a commitment- phobe, i still think i am single. we both shall enjoy the vulnerability of meeting new people and going out with them. its about having our fun and having each other. its self- centred hedonism at itsbest. its probably impossible to explain the dynamics of us right now...
and therefore i won't bother. i say, whatever makes US happy. :)
i've gone martha stewart and cooked dinner today. i had tuition at 4 near sembawang and after it ended, i was starving.
so. i had options. fast food, instant noodles, travel beyond my comfort zone to get some good food, or... COOK?
i was sick of fast food and instant noodles. and travelling to causeway point in the sweltering heat was too much of a tall order for me. so cook it was.
first (and only) stop, prime supermarket. got penne pasta, spicy sardine, peeled prawns and milk. it was a simple dish but it brought me and my tummy great joy. be aware this was a recipe derived from extreme hunger and dire finances. not the best combi.
got home, dumped food in kitchen, changed up, and of course, put on my favourite (and only) apron. i shall now share with you my lovely recipe for le penne pasta wiz zee herring.
now firstly, you must put on an apron, and tie up your hair. one is for novelty factor and of course, ease of wiping hands, while the other is to ensure you won't get hair in your food. UCK.
it is also important to keep your phone near you, cuz it won't do for it to ring and have you run out of the kitchen leaving fire and food unattended. nuh- uh. won't do. so keep it close at all times. just this one cooking expedition alone i had 5 phone calls. imagine, if the phone wasn't in the kitchen with me.
then of course, you have the ingredients and utensils.
that's $2 worth of peeled prawns, $2.35 ayam brand canned spicy sardines, $1.20 penne pasta, free- mysteriously- stowed- in- larder cream of chicken soup, a handful of dried chilli, a pot, and a drainer.
soak your dried chilli to get the flavour out. actually normal chilli padi would do even better unfortunately, this household swear by dried chilli. with chilli padi, just chop, no need to soak.
next, open your pack of prawns and rinse.
i cannot emphasise this enough. wash your prawns thoroughly. prawns and delicious things but they have been to places and cleanliness is always good. so folks, WASH YOUR PRAWNS.
drain the soaked chilli and prawns. now place the pot on the stove and heat up some oil.
mix in your prawns and chilli. fry.
once it turns a pretty orange like so, turn off stove. a little inside secret; before frying it with oil, i fried the prawns and chilli with some lime syrup. yeah like rose syrup? but the lime cordial. yup. it gives a nice tangy flavour.
now fry your sardine. don't forget to add in more drained soaked chilli. only if you're a chilli whore like me. cuz spicy sardine is already very spicy.
now add in your previously fried prawns and chilli (yes more chilli).
fry fry fry then put it in a bowl.
now do your pasta. i emptied half the packet and filled the pot with enough water to fully submerge the pasta.
then do your soup. and let it simmer while the pasta boil.
if like me, you like fancy drinks to go with your fancy- ish dinner, make some mocha! what you see is instant mocha mix. just add milk. but if you don't have it, coffee, chocolate sauce and milk will do.
now once all that is done, drain your boiled pasta and mix in your pasta sauce. stirr it well and you will have all your sardine evenly mixed.
now with all that is said and done, what more is there to do?
DIG IN!
so yes, that was my evening.
anyway in an interesting turn of events, i am, er, back, together, with, er, hafiz.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA.
i'm sorry i've been dying to laugh. GOD! no i'm not kidding.
we've been hung up lately about this whole mess we're in. we are supposedly friends but i still love him and he still behaves like a protective boyfriend and blablabla. so i gave him an ultimatum; we get back together and run the final course of this relationship, get it over and done with (yes, my precise words) or we stop talking to each other, incommunicado until we're both over each other.
in the end we decided to give it one last shot and if it doesn't work out, we will have the much- delayed and much- needed incommunicado period.
me: oh ok... so is that our decision?
him: yes that's it the house has spoken well at least i've spoken and that's enough.
me:oh ok. does this mean we're back together?
him: ahh... ya la. and if it doesn't work we do the whole don't- talk- to- each- other thing. heh.
me: oh. ok. wow. we're together? like that? so easy?
him: haha ya. i love you.
me: auuuuuuungh.
me: ok. what time is it? what date is it?
him: haha. it's 20th. and it's 8.48 p.m.
me: ok. we're together. oh my god! i'm attached again?!?! i liked being single! i'm not single anymore!
him: ......
me: argh! i'm back with you! we're together! again!
him: wow what a great start.
me: ok let's set some rules.
him: oooh ok ok rules.
me: ok. we can go out with other people. BOTH of us.
him: yeah ok but must be someone we both know, or have been introduced to.
me: yeah ok. and if we got valid personal objections, we can bring it up. like if i think the girl you're going out with has smelly hair or hairy armpits.
him: uhmm ya ok.
me: ya but must be valid! no such things as i don't like him cuz he has eyes glinting like a murderer's.
him: hehehe ok ya that's for me right.
him: don't do things like, go to guy's house at night when everyone else is asleep, even if just to watch VCDs.
me: oh, like faizal? haha.
him: yes. i think the faizal thing was wayyyy over the line. basically don't do things that you won't want me to do.
me: oh... ok.
him: yes, would you like me to go to girl's houses all alone?
me: but that would never happen what!
him: what?!
me: yaaaa! because you cannot go out at night!
him: ....... why at night? can be in the afternoon right go her house alone!
me: aiya noooo la where got girls will invite you over one. no one!
him: !!!!!!!!! you're missing the point!!!
me: correct what! no girls would ask you over all alone and make out with you!
him: -_-
him: umm ya ok clubbing.
me: ooooooh yes clubbing!
him: you don't club often right?
me: ah no la. but i do.
him: ok la. i mean go to safe clubs. don't go somewhere where you can get raped or killed.
me: hello, don't i look like i have more common sense than that?
him: no la i'm just saying. my friends said that those clubs featured in juice magazines are the safe ones. the others you can get raped or killed. that's what he laid out to me la, in simple english. is it true?
me: -_-
him: ok and i'll try to say i love you less.
me: yes! thank you!
only with me will that be an issue.
him: sooo ya. okay. let's be more open and understanding.
me: ya. and let's not talk about a future.
him: yup.
me: nothing beyond the next 2 years.
him: mmm.
me: if we go that far in the first place.
him: wow you're really optimistic.
me: aiyah is this relationship over? i'm tired already and we haven't even done anything.
sooooooooooooooooooo yeap. one more time. and this time if it doesn't work out... at least we tried our darndest.
and after that long- ass conversation, we finally put down the phone. ("okay." "yeah. okay." "can i say i love you?" "i dunno." "haha. ok la. good evening." "it's NINE." "ok. good night.")
and he called back 10 seconds later.
"what?!"
"hahaha nothing. just want to say i love you and i will try to be a better boyfriend this time."
:)
round two, DING DING DING!
we both know this time i'm not in it for the forever. i'm in it for the now. and like i told him, i still can't promise forever, i still am a commitment- phobe, i still think i am single. we both shall enjoy the vulnerability of meeting new people and going out with them. its about having our fun and having each other. its self- centred hedonism at itsbest. its probably impossible to explain the dynamics of us right now...
and therefore i won't bother. i say, whatever makes US happy. :)
see you in my dreams
i don't really believe in the whole dreams are made- up of your subconscious thoughts. most of my dreams have been thoroughly random and made no sense (oh wait, that does reflect me, a little). some say if you keep thinking of a person before going to sleep, you will dream of him. again, never happened.
last night i know i slept thinking of justin long. never mind who. and the whole of yesterday was spent mulling about this mess with the belo one. basically only two men who could possibly appear in my dream? justin, or hafiz. but neither did.
instead.
some other guy who shall remain anonymous. a guy whom i once dreamt of too, a long time ago, and in that dream, we kissed (archived: 7/3/05). he hasn't been starring in lalaland much these days.
but last night's dream was too disturbing.
it was me and two girls, probably sara/ nydia/ farhana/ hana, choose your dream combo; and i think we were out for some shopping and lunch. lunch was at this middle- eastern cafe; and of course, there was a cute waiter, named amien. and when i left, i kept straining my neck to catch one last glance at him. very realistic. ^_-
so we shopped. and then apparently the three of us got separated or maybe i was on my way elsewhere or something. anyhow. i took a backroad of sorts, and there was him. mr. anonymous. he was up ahead of me and he didn't see me.
this is where things get confusing cuz i can't remember clearly what happened. either he was attacked by someone or he got hit by a car or something but the next thing i remember was i was standing beside him, panicking. and one image i remember very clearly; blood. a thick, bright red pool of blood formed around his head, and was spreading. it was a very disturbing image.
somehow i didn't call the ambulance immediately but someone helped me (i think) and carried him to... the middle- eastern cafe. -_-. do not ask me the logic in this. my dreams have absolutely no elements of logic in it.
so we laid him on the second level of the cafe, it was just a wide carpeted area. and soon the medics came and his family came and my girl friends joined me and apparently, i was really freaked cuz before the medics came we all thought he was dead. so i had started wailing and crying and apparently in this state i was in, i sent SMSes. yes. i think it was meant for my girl friends who weren't with me yet, or something like that. but in my frenzied state i sent it to mr. anonymous. second vivid image; text messages. they were all in caps and had me saying stupid things like i don't want him to go, i don't want to lose him, i love him alot (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and such. for the record, in this dream, we were not previously on talking terms. we had a tiff or a bitter break- up of sorts and stopped talking. probably why i didn't approach him immediately upon seeing him.
SO. after all that, the medics did their thang and whoops, guess what? not dead. so he was brought to the hospital and yadayadayada and i didn't see him or anyone else for that matter, till a few weeks/ months later. yes, i have time- travel in my dreams. do not question the logic!
so fast- forwarded to months later, apparently, he was fully recovered but i didn't say a thing, didn't visit him, nada. AND apparently i was dating cute waiter, amien. ah ha ha. and then one fine day i had some event to attend where i was the organizer. and when event ended, i was walking back and who should catch up with me from the back but mr. anonymous.
we walked together and he immediately went into this tirade about how i cannot date amien and have a relationship with him at the same time. in the dream and now, too, i was very confused cuz i wasn't in a relationship with him. but because i was so in love with this madman i denied being with amien and lamely proclaimed that we're just going out, just friends. and he told me don't lie, i've heard that you guys are together, going out. and i said, "are your sources reliable?" this, i can relate too. i am very good at spouting nonsense when boy i love is mad at me. and he said it was extremely reliable and i immediately started thinking who he has been talking to.
we continued arguing and then we sat somewhere. and he said, "you cannot have two of us at the same time." and i said i wasn't, i am not with him, i am going out with amien. and he said oh yeah, so you don't like me at all? you don't care? and i said of course i don't i never visited you in the hospital. and then, of course, he thriumphantly flashed his phone and said, "then explain this."
yes, all my sappy, panicked messages were in his phone. as he read them out to me i kept muttering, "they didn't mean anything i didn't mean them i was freaking out" blablabla.
then he apparently got really angry and started hissing that he doesn't like to share. that if a girl loves him it has to be only him. cuz that's how it is for him.
and of course, happy ending. while he was in his tirade still i went up to him and hugged him and it all was warm and fuzzy and happy, the end.
why i am describing the dream? cuz of the hug. it was the hug. i am always harping about how i will know if he is the guy for me if he can give me the hug (archived: 9/9/04).
well i had it. i had the hug. in my DREAMS. tsk. it was all i wanted it to be; safe, warm, enveloping, perfect.
my only issue is the guy. *frowns*
dreams ah. troublesome you know.
i don't really believe in the whole dreams are made- up of your subconscious thoughts. most of my dreams have been thoroughly random and made no sense (oh wait, that does reflect me, a little). some say if you keep thinking of a person before going to sleep, you will dream of him. again, never happened.
last night i know i slept thinking of justin long. never mind who. and the whole of yesterday was spent mulling about this mess with the belo one. basically only two men who could possibly appear in my dream? justin, or hafiz. but neither did.
instead.
some other guy who shall remain anonymous. a guy whom i once dreamt of too, a long time ago, and in that dream, we kissed (archived: 7/3/05). he hasn't been starring in lalaland much these days.
but last night's dream was too disturbing.
it was me and two girls, probably sara/ nydia/ farhana/ hana, choose your dream combo; and i think we were out for some shopping and lunch. lunch was at this middle- eastern cafe; and of course, there was a cute waiter, named amien. and when i left, i kept straining my neck to catch one last glance at him. very realistic. ^_-
so we shopped. and then apparently the three of us got separated or maybe i was on my way elsewhere or something. anyhow. i took a backroad of sorts, and there was him. mr. anonymous. he was up ahead of me and he didn't see me.
this is where things get confusing cuz i can't remember clearly what happened. either he was attacked by someone or he got hit by a car or something but the next thing i remember was i was standing beside him, panicking. and one image i remember very clearly; blood. a thick, bright red pool of blood formed around his head, and was spreading. it was a very disturbing image.
somehow i didn't call the ambulance immediately but someone helped me (i think) and carried him to... the middle- eastern cafe. -_-. do not ask me the logic in this. my dreams have absolutely no elements of logic in it.
so we laid him on the second level of the cafe, it was just a wide carpeted area. and soon the medics came and his family came and my girl friends joined me and apparently, i was really freaked cuz before the medics came we all thought he was dead. so i had started wailing and crying and apparently in this state i was in, i sent SMSes. yes. i think it was meant for my girl friends who weren't with me yet, or something like that. but in my frenzied state i sent it to mr. anonymous. second vivid image; text messages. they were all in caps and had me saying stupid things like i don't want him to go, i don't want to lose him, i love him alot (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and such. for the record, in this dream, we were not previously on talking terms. we had a tiff or a bitter break- up of sorts and stopped talking. probably why i didn't approach him immediately upon seeing him.
SO. after all that, the medics did their thang and whoops, guess what? not dead. so he was brought to the hospital and yadayadayada and i didn't see him or anyone else for that matter, till a few weeks/ months later. yes, i have time- travel in my dreams. do not question the logic!
so fast- forwarded to months later, apparently, he was fully recovered but i didn't say a thing, didn't visit him, nada. AND apparently i was dating cute waiter, amien. ah ha ha. and then one fine day i had some event to attend where i was the organizer. and when event ended, i was walking back and who should catch up with me from the back but mr. anonymous.
we walked together and he immediately went into this tirade about how i cannot date amien and have a relationship with him at the same time. in the dream and now, too, i was very confused cuz i wasn't in a relationship with him. but because i was so in love with this madman i denied being with amien and lamely proclaimed that we're just going out, just friends. and he told me don't lie, i've heard that you guys are together, going out. and i said, "are your sources reliable?" this, i can relate too. i am very good at spouting nonsense when boy i love is mad at me. and he said it was extremely reliable and i immediately started thinking who he has been talking to.
we continued arguing and then we sat somewhere. and he said, "you cannot have two of us at the same time." and i said i wasn't, i am not with him, i am going out with amien. and he said oh yeah, so you don't like me at all? you don't care? and i said of course i don't i never visited you in the hospital. and then, of course, he thriumphantly flashed his phone and said, "then explain this."
yes, all my sappy, panicked messages were in his phone. as he read them out to me i kept muttering, "they didn't mean anything i didn't mean them i was freaking out" blablabla.
then he apparently got really angry and started hissing that he doesn't like to share. that if a girl loves him it has to be only him. cuz that's how it is for him.
and of course, happy ending. while he was in his tirade still i went up to him and hugged him and it all was warm and fuzzy and happy, the end.
why i am describing the dream? cuz of the hug. it was the hug. i am always harping about how i will know if he is the guy for me if he can give me the hug (archived: 9/9/04).
well i had it. i had the hug. in my DREAMS. tsk. it was all i wanted it to be; safe, warm, enveloping, perfect.
my only issue is the guy. *frowns*
dreams ah. troublesome you know.
gender issues
i am so sexcited! hah. cuz while chatting to firr, it suddenly hit me;
DICKS ARE UGLY!
yes they are. very very ugly. and if you're a moral prude, your reading pleasures end here.
now. there is no doubt dicks are ugly. simply put, dicks are just fat sticks. nothing aesthetic in that, is there?
its long and hard, at its best. let's not wonder how it is when flaccid.
to further aggravate this unappealing factor of dicks, there is semen. or cum. that is sticky, white and gross. do you have that dripping from our boobs or vags? nope. at most, you get milk from the breasts. and tell me, which men will say no to breast- feeding? and you think women enjoy giving blowjobs? research shows blow- jobs are favours for men. as opposed to breast- feeding, which i would think, is also a favour for men. we do you many favours don't we? and please don't look at me like i'm describing my sex life. these are details you can easily get through any form of medias. grow up a little.
so put together, a dick, is an UGLY fat stick, with a bit of a rounded end, that excretes sticky white liquid upon vigorous vertical agitation. have i mentioned ugly?
now, where is the appeal in that?
now you know why women have G- spots and need aphrodisiacs. now you know why women need foreplay. cuz face it guys, that chunk of meat between your legs- no matter how proud you are of it; ain't getting you anywhere between the sheets.
we need to be turned on. before anything else. you have to touch us, do a little jig, cook a little dinner, whatever, before you can score. for men, i think, most are standing at attention upon the sight of mere tits.
i think that makes it all very unfair. i mean you guys get boobs and hair and ass and legs and us, girls? we're to be contented by the sighting of six- packs, the sinewy arms, small stuff. there really isn't much to ogle at, when it comes to men.
and i know you men are saying, "yeah well it means we have to work doubly hard to turn your kind on!" well i'm sorry boys, its not our fault we're not big fans of ugly fat sticks.
porn magazines are full of pictures of naked women. tits, widespread legs, lacy undies, unruly bed- hair. the works.
wonder why the market for male pornography is so low? cuz there's nothing to see! well nothing that would require a porn label.
you can get half- naked man strutting down the beach, the catwalk, anywhere. and that's about all you wanna see.
would anyone buy a magazine full of dicks?
nope. its not just cuz we won't pay for it, we DON'T want to see it. men, granted, can be hot, sexy, cute and intelligent when you're in luck. however, that's all we want. we do not feel pleasured and honoured by the sighting of your throbbing manhood. no matter how gorgeous men are, it does not make their dicks better- looking. dicks, are ugly.
gorgeous tits! sexy boobs! great ass! ............ gorgeous dick? sexy dick? great dick?
i think you are seeing my point.
i however, would like to apologize for the ocassional use of 'we' above. i think it is unjust for me to speak for all women whom, for all i know, might actually adore dicks and would actually pay for a magazine full of dicks. this is entirely a personal opinion.
i, like my dicks covered in nice undies, preferably CK, ala frederick ljungberg.
all said, i am the last to diminish the evolutionary importance of dicks. no dicks, no life.
p.s.: a MALE (but of course) friend retaliated, "well pussies are ugly too!" yes, but we aren't forcing you to plunge your fat sticks innit now, are we? we (again, figurative we), on the other hand, will never grab your fat sticks and shove it into us. :)
p.p.s.: i'm not a man- hater. really. i like my men. its just too bad they come with dicks. oh and am not a dick- hater too! i just think they're ugly. but hey, a whole human race dealt with that, so why can't i, eh?
i am so sexcited! hah. cuz while chatting to firr, it suddenly hit me;
yes they are. very very ugly. and if you're a moral prude, your reading pleasures end here.
now. there is no doubt dicks are ugly. simply put, dicks are just fat sticks. nothing aesthetic in that, is there?
its long and hard, at its best. let's not wonder how it is when flaccid.
to further aggravate this unappealing factor of dicks, there is semen. or cum. that is sticky, white and gross. do you have that dripping from our boobs or vags? nope. at most, you get milk from the breasts. and tell me, which men will say no to breast- feeding? and you think women enjoy giving blowjobs? research shows blow- jobs are favours for men. as opposed to breast- feeding, which i would think, is also a favour for men. we do you many favours don't we? and please don't look at me like i'm describing my sex life. these are details you can easily get through any form of medias. grow up a little.
so put together, a dick, is an UGLY fat stick, with a bit of a rounded end, that excretes sticky white liquid upon vigorous vertical agitation. have i mentioned ugly?
now, where is the appeal in that?
now you know why women have G- spots and need aphrodisiacs. now you know why women need foreplay. cuz face it guys, that chunk of meat between your legs- no matter how proud you are of it; ain't getting you anywhere between the sheets.
we need to be turned on. before anything else. you have to touch us, do a little jig, cook a little dinner, whatever, before you can score. for men, i think, most are standing at attention upon the sight of mere tits.
i think that makes it all very unfair. i mean you guys get boobs and hair and ass and legs and us, girls? we're to be contented by the sighting of six- packs, the sinewy arms, small stuff. there really isn't much to ogle at, when it comes to men.
and i know you men are saying, "yeah well it means we have to work doubly hard to turn your kind on!" well i'm sorry boys, its not our fault we're not big fans of ugly fat sticks.
porn magazines are full of pictures of naked women. tits, widespread legs, lacy undies, unruly bed- hair. the works.
wonder why the market for male pornography is so low? cuz there's nothing to see! well nothing that would require a porn label.
you can get half- naked man strutting down the beach, the catwalk, anywhere. and that's about all you wanna see.
would anyone buy a magazine full of dicks?
nope. its not just cuz we won't pay for it, we DON'T want to see it. men, granted, can be hot, sexy, cute and intelligent when you're in luck. however, that's all we want. we do not feel pleasured and honoured by the sighting of your throbbing manhood. no matter how gorgeous men are, it does not make their dicks better- looking. dicks, are ugly.
gorgeous tits! sexy boobs! great ass! ............ gorgeous dick? sexy dick? great dick?
i think you are seeing my point.
i however, would like to apologize for the ocassional use of 'we' above. i think it is unjust for me to speak for all women whom, for all i know, might actually adore dicks and would actually pay for a magazine full of dicks. this is entirely a personal opinion.
i, like my dicks covered in nice undies, preferably CK, ala frederick ljungberg.
all said, i am the last to diminish the evolutionary importance of dicks. no dicks, no life.
p.s.: a MALE (but of course) friend retaliated, "well pussies are ugly too!" yes, but we aren't forcing you to plunge your fat sticks innit now, are we? we (again, figurative we), on the other hand, will never grab your fat sticks and shove it into us. :)
p.p.s.: i'm not a man- hater. really. i like my men. its just too bad they come with dicks. oh and am not a dick- hater too! i just think they're ugly. but hey, a whole human race dealt with that, so why can't i, eh?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
pet peeve
oh you know what annoys me these days?
pearls.
oh no, i know I wear pearls. as bracelets. since like, last year. cuz i felt like it. and have now gradually cease to. because...
of the looooooooong- ass pearls these minahs wear around their necks, wrapped twice. so one chokes their neck while the other dangles down to their crotch.
and.
green.
yes yes, i know. i am a green monster myself. a looong time ago, where i bought all that green stuff. but TODAY. i walked in town and every other malay person was in green.
why, my kind malay minahs, WHY, must all of you LOOK ALIKE? DRESS ALIKE? WHY IN BLUE HEAVENS MUST YOU ALL WEAR GREEN JUST BECAUSE IT IS THE COLOUR OF THE SEASON?!!?! and why must you choke yourself just because everyone else is?!?!?!
it is so frustrating. there is absolutely NO originality, NO creativity, NO form of thought or perceptive insight into dressing up for them. NOOOOOOOOOO. you see, even topshop have gone on this green binge and dressed all their mannequins in green. and i reckon somehow this have led to minahs realizing green is the 'in' colour and hence for everyday for the rest of their lives as long as the season lasts, they will be decked in green.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
why must all of you wear what everyone else wears? do you not care for uniqueness? do you not have a personality of your own that can be reflected in your dressing? do you not have individuality? do you not have a BRAIN or has it all been programmed to dress like the other minah in the train?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH ANNOYING.
can you people STOP being SHEEPS?!?!! can you please, for cows in green pastures, DRESS FOR YOURSELF? can you stop annoying me with these carbon copied fashion sense?!?!?
CUZ IT ANNOYS ME IT PAINS MY EYES. it is THE bitch to like a colour and then have it in for the whole of a season, and hence every other trendy wanker in town is wearing it. it is THE bitch to have people ALL wearing long- ass pearls down to their crotch, and i don't give two hoots who STARTED this trend. be it beyonce, or alicia keys, or fat joe, or ramli sarip, just because they wear them please don't be a fool and follow suit. and if you must, don't wear it all the time. VARIATION. and please, dress accordingly. i understand military jackets and retro shades are all the rage now but in the hot heat of noon, i believe there is some hydro- action going on between your armpits and at night or indoors, goddamn it take off those shades, then maybe you might SEE where you're going.
i never knew how to define mats and minahs and have often been wrongfully accused of overgeneralising. here and now i annouce that mats and minahs are people who are unoriginal. mats and minahs are sheep. so if you're sheep, you're mat/ minah. and vice versa.
AND GODDAMIT PLEASE ALL OF YOU STOP ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR CROTCH- LONG PEARLS AND GREEN TANK TOPS. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
irritating you know. sometimes i feel like tying all of them up to a tree and burn them, like effigies, but better.
to all you green- adorned mats and minahs, may all of you sob in great sorrow when gray becomes the next in colour and all these green tops of yours shall suffer a sudden, abrupt and expensive demise and lie sorrowfully in a huge heap in your cupboard.
and to all you double- twisted pearl- wearing fools, may you choke on those things or better, step on them. or get it stuck in your zipper.
GET SOME SENSE PEOPLE. just because pearls are in, doesn't mean you can't wear anything else. just because green is in, doesn't mean you will burn in hell for wearing a different colour.
this was a very long entry but i just got suddenly annoyed cuz i logged on to friendster, and some people had changed their pictures and guess what, they were all either wearing green or double- twisted pearl necklaces. i guess to show how fashionable up- to- date they were? ARGHHHHHHHHH.
fuckfuckfuck irritating you know. stop being sheeps!
i hereby declare the official start of "KILL STOP THE SHEEPS" campaign. work with me people.
oh you know what annoys me these days?
pearls.
oh no, i know I wear pearls. as bracelets. since like, last year. cuz i felt like it. and have now gradually cease to. because...
of the looooooooong- ass pearls these minahs wear around their necks, wrapped twice. so one chokes their neck while the other dangles down to their crotch.
and.
green.
yes yes, i know. i am a green monster myself. a looong time ago, where i bought all that green stuff. but TODAY. i walked in town and every other malay person was in green.
why, my kind malay minahs, WHY, must all of you LOOK ALIKE? DRESS ALIKE? WHY IN BLUE HEAVENS MUST YOU ALL WEAR GREEN JUST BECAUSE IT IS THE COLOUR OF THE SEASON?!!?! and why must you choke yourself just because everyone else is?!?!?!
it is so frustrating. there is absolutely NO originality, NO creativity, NO form of thought or perceptive insight into dressing up for them. NOOOOOOOOOO. you see, even topshop have gone on this green binge and dressed all their mannequins in green. and i reckon somehow this have led to minahs realizing green is the 'in' colour and hence for everyday for the rest of their lives as long as the season lasts, they will be decked in green.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
why must all of you wear what everyone else wears? do you not care for uniqueness? do you not have a personality of your own that can be reflected in your dressing? do you not have individuality? do you not have a BRAIN or has it all been programmed to dress like the other minah in the train?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH ANNOYING.
can you people STOP being SHEEPS?!?!! can you please, for cows in green pastures, DRESS FOR YOURSELF? can you stop annoying me with these carbon copied fashion sense?!?!?
CUZ IT ANNOYS ME IT PAINS MY EYES. it is THE bitch to like a colour and then have it in for the whole of a season, and hence every other trendy wanker in town is wearing it. it is THE bitch to have people ALL wearing long- ass pearls down to their crotch, and i don't give two hoots who STARTED this trend. be it beyonce, or alicia keys, or fat joe, or ramli sarip, just because they wear them please don't be a fool and follow suit. and if you must, don't wear it all the time. VARIATION. and please, dress accordingly. i understand military jackets and retro shades are all the rage now but in the hot heat of noon, i believe there is some hydro- action going on between your armpits and at night or indoors, goddamn it take off those shades, then maybe you might SEE where you're going.
i never knew how to define mats and minahs and have often been wrongfully accused of overgeneralising. here and now i annouce that mats and minahs are people who are unoriginal. mats and minahs are sheep. so if you're sheep, you're mat/ minah. and vice versa.
AND GODDAMIT PLEASE ALL OF YOU STOP ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR CROTCH- LONG PEARLS AND GREEN TANK TOPS. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
irritating you know. sometimes i feel like tying all of them up to a tree and burn them, like effigies, but better.
to all you green- adorned mats and minahs, may all of you sob in great sorrow when gray becomes the next in colour and all these green tops of yours shall suffer a sudden, abrupt and expensive demise and lie sorrowfully in a huge heap in your cupboard.
and to all you double- twisted pearl- wearing fools, may you choke on those things or better, step on them. or get it stuck in your zipper.
GET SOME SENSE PEOPLE. just because pearls are in, doesn't mean you can't wear anything else. just because green is in, doesn't mean you will burn in hell for wearing a different colour.
this was a very long entry but i just got suddenly annoyed cuz i logged on to friendster, and some people had changed their pictures and guess what, they were all either wearing green or double- twisted pearl necklaces. i guess to show how fashionable up- to- date they were? ARGHHHHHHHHH.
fuckfuckfuck irritating you know. stop being sheeps!
i hereby declare the official start of "
and if i can't have it good, i'd rather have nothing at all
joyjoyjoy to the world and any other parallel universes. have you had a happy saturday?
mine started with an attempt to attend some beauty/ skincare function at conrad hotel, with the minah sisterhood whom i met at raffles city.
5 minutes into the function, nydia was whisked off for a facial, jacq and mel were on masks and godknowswhatelse. sara and i looked at each other and i said, "do you think they'll notice us if we sneak out now?" "let's go." so we sat outside the ballroom, got bored and freaked by old men who kept staring at us (WHAT WERE THEY DOING AT A BEAUTY FUNCTION?!) so we headed off to suntec to hunt for sara's hand cream and shampoo. we got neither, but i got pretzels. and we dropped by starbucks and i am TELLING you the BEST baristas are there. my mocha was divine, and so was sara's vanilla latte with hazelnut shot. yum yum. (nyd, apologies for abandoning you but as i mentioned to sara, i only started using proper facial cleansers and toners early this year, to go into facials and masks now seems like a huge leap of faith. :D)
walked through the new marina square like a gazillion times and me and sara got SO LOST but joy of joys, we found the chief her bag! from dorothy perkins, all pink and glitzy, at $23, less 10% courtesy of moi's FFF card. :D
while walking in this randomly lost fashion, sara asked me, "if you could be an animal, what would you be?" me: "a cat! eh no wait. a lion. a MALE lion." sara: "-_-. so that you can be lazy and domineering and chauvinistic right?" me: "ya. and if my kids try to eat my food first i can whack them away." sara: "ya and then you can sleep with them also." me: "^_-. ok no. i didn't think of that. you? what do you want to be?" sara: "hmm..." me: "a babi right? you wanna be a babi!" sara: "oi! shut up la! how could you!" me: "no meh... i thought your lifelong dream. become babi." sara: "wah lao ok i not talking to you anymore."
FINALLY we exited the bloody building and made our way to esplanade, where nydia later joined us, all facial- ed and mask- ed and make up- ed. sat there and ate my pretzels (yes it took a long walk with me before fulfilling its life purpose; sole destination; my digestive system) and drank canned drinks from "The Ah Pek Drink Stall" along esplanade. and OF COURSE esplanade still has aforementioned coloured humans walking around and HORROR OF HORRORS I WAS WEARING BLUE AND WHO SHOULD COME BY BUT MR BLUE. and he remembered me. he stopped right beside me, gesticulated elaborately, as he did the last time i was there (last saturday!). and sara, genius that she is, suggested a picture.
me and my colour- coded lover.
initially he kneeled beside me and looked up 'lovingly' and that gave me the HEEBEEJEEBEES. and is that BOY behind us taking a shot with his CAMERA PHONE?!?!!
but he is cute la. haha. mr blue, i mean. i so have a thing for his goatee! GASP! is this love?
so ANYWAY right, we cam- whored. as requested, always, by nydia.
i wanted to feel tall. and sara is doing an odd, what la dei gesture. i always knew you had that indian thang in you. bwahaha.
now taller than nyd is an achievement. AND today she bau babi (smelt of pork). hence the gesture. hahaha.
nydia did that and i said, "say fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" and sara did. hence the FFF mouth. haha.
mwhaha. this is our minah fierce a.k.a. minah metropolitan a.k.a minah song boh face. she said i looked scary, i said she looked scary. conclusion? WE, scary.
1,
2,
3,
4,
1. we took this first shot together, and nyd went, "ah ok, i look like crap." sara: "haha i look weird." me: "i'm ugly!" hence, nyd: "ok, one more try."
2. slightly better, but sara's face got cut off. cannot! must have 3 full faces. so take 3.
3. sara's EYES. -_- and she said, "why does it matter? my face is cut off anyway." i'm telling you dear, it does, cuz though there's only a quart of your face, its a very scary quart. so, ONE, one, more. and i said, "ok this time we open our eyes big big so that we won't get half- shut eyes."
4. careful what you wish for. us 3 look stunned and psychotic. and in the end, of course, the FIRST shot was the nicest and normalest. goes to show, you shouldn't really mess with perfection. or the closest resemblance you have to it.
and sara and me concluded that minahs are scared of me, that's why they stare at me. cuz i give off an anti- minah vibe though i look like one of them. so actually i might be viciously planning to exterminate them by first befriending them then slowly killing them off, you know, working it from the inside. sara said i am a minah- terminator, i improvised.
meet the mighty, the powerful, the one, the only,
minaXterminator.
walking to the train as we all headed to town to meet our separate dinner dates; i asked nydia what sara asked me at marina. "so nydia, what animal do you want to be?"
nyd: a horse. or a dolphin.
me: oh ok, i thought of horse also. but i thought, aiya horse manure so smelly.
sara: but lion shit also smelly what!
me: ya but we're majestic animals.
sara: so? if someone say your shit smelly you can whack them away?
me: *big grin* ya, something like that. besides, i will be best friend's with rafiki (monkeydude from lion king!).
sara: hmm... i think i would want to be an elephant.
me: eh eh do you know that the elephant's pee is so like PHWOAR, really, like firehose. if got fire right don't need hosereel, just shoot a peeing elephant at the fire, a whole HDB flat can be doused.
(enter ladies)
sara: -_-. or maybe a giraffe la. i think i wanna be an elephant or giraffe cuz i wanna be tall.
me: hmm, ya. and i want to be a lion so that i can finally be big and strong, something not usually associated with me.
(at this point of time, nydia was at the sinks while me and sara were queuing for the loo.)
me: *looks at nyd* i think ah... i think nydia wants to be a horse or dolphin cuz she wants to be smart. (hahaha nydia i am so SORRY but hey at least i am telling you now, through, er, this. hahahaha)
me and sara: *pause* hahahahahaahahhaahahaha.
(until it was our turn for the loos)
nyd: eh what?! what? what were you guys saying about me wanting to be a horse or dolphin?
sara: ah nothing la.
me: nothing la.
nyd: oi, what.
(we both enter toilet)
nyd: humph! i hope you both kencing bersepah- sepah! (a malay phrase i will always regret imparting to her; which means peeing all over the place; as in bad aim)
me: hah cannot got toilet bowl....
(exits loo)
nyd: oi, so why la?
me: what? dunno. ask sara.
sara (in loo): oi, i heard that.
nyd: what la... why do i want to be a horse or dolphin? (am i the only who sees humour in this statement?)
me: hahaha why ask us. ask you la. why you want to be a dolphin or horse?
nyd: how i know!!!!!
me (looking at sara): ahh. see. that's why.
me and sara: hahahahaha.
sara; eh we should stop bullying her la. wait one day she will boycott us and never talk to us again.
hahaha sorry nyd. we love you.
then it was town where i fell in love with the batmobile toy car!!!!!!!! so nice. bah. and oh, i was at the kid's section, as usual, looking at kid's clothes cuz it fits me. and i tried on this pretty pretty girly shoe. and it fit! and i heard giggles. i turned, and saw two nyonyas in awe, staring at my feet, going, "wahhhh your feet so small ah! can wear all! *gestures at entire shoe rack*" me: "hehehe. ya. small." -_-
met banananess who was very late. town was HORRIBLE. so packed and everyone smells and everyone is trying to encroach my personal space! 1 metre radius, people, 1 metre!!!!!!! stay AWAY from me! god. i am CLAUSTROPHOBIC okay?!
phew ok. i got so agitated at one point i just started flailing my arms (yesyes) and muttered, "arghhhhhhhh people people people everywhere so annoying MOVEITLADAMMIT walk so slow knnccb." ya i know. so tak (not) censored.
finally found a spot FAR away from throngs of people and sat there. and laughed at all this people with no direction in life. well, according to well, me. haha.
snapped pictures, as always. and this time, we had cues for poses.
cue: confused.
cue: sad.
cue: normal. most important and hardest to sustain pose. haha.
why? cuz like me and hafizlimbelo, me and banananess are another pair whom, if uncued, fail terribly, at looking normal. or synchronized.
uncued.
what's a day out without a shoe pic?
and here's my favourite shot of the day.
best friends of 7 years.
happy saturdays, always. thank you lovelies.
and the mum got a new job! i admire her resilience. at 45, most women her age prefer to stick to their job, no matter how sucky. but she got the guts to apply to different companies and reaped results. new job, nearer to home, nicer boss, bigger pay, shorter hours. go mum!
sometimes in life it just takes one day, one moment, one minute, one second, for it all to click, and you just know it has all fallen into place.
mine clicked a long time ago, but today i know for sure it did. :)
joyjoyjoy to the world and any other parallel universes. have you had a happy saturday?
mine started with an attempt to attend some beauty/ skincare function at conrad hotel, with the minah sisterhood whom i met at raffles city.
5 minutes into the function, nydia was whisked off for a facial, jacq and mel were on masks and godknowswhatelse. sara and i looked at each other and i said, "do you think they'll notice us if we sneak out now?" "let's go." so we sat outside the ballroom, got bored and freaked by old men who kept staring at us (WHAT WERE THEY DOING AT A BEAUTY FUNCTION?!) so we headed off to suntec to hunt for sara's hand cream and shampoo. we got neither, but i got pretzels. and we dropped by starbucks and i am TELLING you the BEST baristas are there. my mocha was divine, and so was sara's vanilla latte with hazelnut shot. yum yum. (nyd, apologies for abandoning you but as i mentioned to sara, i only started using proper facial cleansers and toners early this year, to go into facials and masks now seems like a huge leap of faith. :D)
walked through the new marina square like a gazillion times and me and sara got SO LOST but joy of joys, we found the chief her bag! from dorothy perkins, all pink and glitzy, at $23, less 10% courtesy of moi's FFF card. :D
while walking in this randomly lost fashion, sara asked me, "if you could be an animal, what would you be?" me: "a cat! eh no wait. a lion. a MALE lion." sara: "-_-. so that you can be lazy and domineering and chauvinistic right?" me: "ya. and if my kids try to eat my food first i can whack them away." sara: "ya and then you can sleep with them also." me: "^_-. ok no. i didn't think of that. you? what do you want to be?" sara: "hmm..." me: "a babi right? you wanna be a babi!" sara: "oi! shut up la! how could you!" me: "no meh... i thought your lifelong dream. become babi." sara: "wah lao ok i not talking to you anymore."
FINALLY we exited the bloody building and made our way to esplanade, where nydia later joined us, all facial- ed and mask- ed and make up- ed. sat there and ate my pretzels (yes it took a long walk with me before fulfilling its life purpose; sole destination; my digestive system) and drank canned drinks from "The Ah Pek Drink Stall" along esplanade. and OF COURSE esplanade still has aforementioned coloured humans walking around and HORROR OF HORRORS I WAS WEARING BLUE AND WHO SHOULD COME BY BUT MR BLUE. and he remembered me. he stopped right beside me, gesticulated elaborately, as he did the last time i was there (last saturday!). and sara, genius that she is, suggested a picture.
me and my colour- coded lover.
initially he kneeled beside me and looked up 'lovingly' and that gave me the HEEBEEJEEBEES. and is that BOY behind us taking a shot with his CAMERA PHONE?!?!!
but he is cute la. haha. mr blue, i mean. i so have a thing for his goatee! GASP! is this love?
so ANYWAY right, we cam- whored. as requested, always, by nydia.
i wanted to feel tall. and sara is doing an odd, what la dei gesture. i always knew you had that indian thang in you. bwahaha.
now taller than nyd is an achievement. AND today she bau babi (smelt of pork). hence the gesture. hahaha.
nydia did that and i said, "say fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" and sara did. hence the FFF mouth. haha.
mwhaha. this is our minah fierce a.k.a. minah metropolitan a.k.a minah song boh face. she said i looked scary, i said she looked scary. conclusion? WE, scary.
1,
2,
3,
4,
1. we took this first shot together, and nyd went, "ah ok, i look like crap." sara: "haha i look weird." me: "i'm ugly!" hence, nyd: "ok, one more try."
2. slightly better, but sara's face got cut off. cannot! must have 3 full faces. so take 3.
3. sara's EYES. -_- and she said, "why does it matter? my face is cut off anyway." i'm telling you dear, it does, cuz though there's only a quart of your face, its a very scary quart. so, ONE, one, more. and i said, "ok this time we open our eyes big big so that we won't get half- shut eyes."
4. careful what you wish for. us 3 look stunned and psychotic. and in the end, of course, the FIRST shot was the nicest and normalest. goes to show, you shouldn't really mess with perfection. or the closest resemblance you have to it.
and sara and me concluded that minahs are scared of me, that's why they stare at me. cuz i give off an anti- minah vibe though i look like one of them. so actually i might be viciously planning to exterminate them by first befriending them then slowly killing them off, you know, working it from the inside. sara said i am a minah- terminator, i improvised.
meet the mighty, the powerful, the one, the only,
minaXterminator.
walking to the train as we all headed to town to meet our separate dinner dates; i asked nydia what sara asked me at marina. "so nydia, what animal do you want to be?"
nyd: a horse. or a dolphin.
me: oh ok, i thought of horse also. but i thought, aiya horse manure so smelly.
sara: but lion shit also smelly what!
me: ya but we're majestic animals.
sara: so? if someone say your shit smelly you can whack them away?
me: *big grin* ya, something like that. besides, i will be best friend's with rafiki (monkeydude from lion king!).
sara: hmm... i think i would want to be an elephant.
me: eh eh do you know that the elephant's pee is so like PHWOAR, really, like firehose. if got fire right don't need hosereel, just shoot a peeing elephant at the fire, a whole HDB flat can be doused.
(enter ladies)
sara: -_-. or maybe a giraffe la. i think i wanna be an elephant or giraffe cuz i wanna be tall.
me: hmm, ya. and i want to be a lion so that i can finally be big and strong, something not usually associated with me.
(at this point of time, nydia was at the sinks while me and sara were queuing for the loo.)
me: *looks at nyd* i think ah... i think nydia wants to be a horse or dolphin cuz she wants to be smart. (hahaha nydia i am so SORRY but hey at least i am telling you now, through, er, this. hahahaha)
me and sara: *pause* hahahahahaahahhaahahaha.
(until it was our turn for the loos)
nyd: eh what?! what? what were you guys saying about me wanting to be a horse or dolphin?
sara: ah nothing la.
me: nothing la.
nyd: oi, what.
(we both enter toilet)
nyd: humph! i hope you both kencing bersepah- sepah! (a malay phrase i will always regret imparting to her; which means peeing all over the place; as in bad aim)
me: hah cannot got toilet bowl....
(exits loo)
nyd: oi, so why la?
me: what? dunno. ask sara.
sara (in loo): oi, i heard that.
nyd: what la... why do i want to be a horse or dolphin? (am i the only who sees humour in this statement?)
me: hahaha why ask us. ask you la. why you want to be a dolphin or horse?
nyd: how i know!!!!!
me (looking at sara): ahh. see. that's why.
me and sara: hahahahaha.
sara; eh we should stop bullying her la. wait one day she will boycott us and never talk to us again.
hahaha sorry nyd. we love you.
then it was town where i fell in love with the batmobile toy car!!!!!!!! so nice. bah. and oh, i was at the kid's section, as usual, looking at kid's clothes cuz it fits me. and i tried on this pretty pretty girly shoe. and it fit! and i heard giggles. i turned, and saw two nyonyas in awe, staring at my feet, going, "wahhhh your feet so small ah! can wear all! *gestures at entire shoe rack*" me: "hehehe. ya. small." -_-
met banananess who was very late. town was HORRIBLE. so packed and everyone smells and everyone is trying to encroach my personal space! 1 metre radius, people, 1 metre!!!!!!! stay AWAY from me! god. i am CLAUSTROPHOBIC okay?!
phew ok. i got so agitated at one point i just started flailing my arms (yesyes) and muttered, "arghhhhhhhh people people people everywhere so annoying MOVEITLADAMMIT walk so slow knnccb." ya i know. so tak (not) censored.
finally found a spot FAR away from throngs of people and sat there. and laughed at all this people with no direction in life. well, according to well, me. haha.
snapped pictures, as always. and this time, we had cues for poses.
cue: confused.
cue: sad.
cue: normal. most important and hardest to sustain pose. haha.
why? cuz like me and hafizlimbelo, me and banananess are another pair whom, if uncued, fail terribly, at looking normal. or synchronized.
uncued.
what's a day out without a shoe pic?
and here's my favourite shot of the day.
best friends of 7 years.
happy saturdays, always. thank you lovelies.
and the mum got a new job! i admire her resilience. at 45, most women her age prefer to stick to their job, no matter how sucky. but she got the guts to apply to different companies and reaped results. new job, nearer to home, nicer boss, bigger pay, shorter hours. go mum!
sometimes in life it just takes one day, one moment, one minute, one second, for it all to click, and you just know it has all fallen into place.
mine clicked a long time ago, but today i know for sure it did. :)
Saturday, June 18, 2005
there is no real you
watched man on the moon on tv today. i truly admire andy kaufman's work now. i always thought he was a bit of a nut. never liked that tony cliffton fellow much. but watching man on the moon...
i cried.
it never occured to me that it was a sad movie till i watched it. i always thought, jim carrey acting as andy kaufman; what else can the movie be, but funny?
but it was sad. he created so much illusion around him that no one else could tell the difference. i myself as an audience wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't anymore.
when he revealed he had cancer though, it hit home. some things in life is real. and sometimes, no matter how much we hate to be taken a fool off, its best to take it all lightly and just be fooled, rather than insist its a prank, only to realize it wan't.
after that revelation... his slow deterioration, his gradual defeat to cancer. but defeat is not a word to be associated with kaufman, man who died with his eyes open.
after his discovery of cancer, his final show, was tremendous. beautiful. am clearly not a christian but to have him playing the conga drums, vegas showgirls singing, the original cowgirl back up to the do the dance, to have her fake passing out, and wonder of wonders, have a santa in a sleigh come floating down from the back of carnegie hall... and then treating all his audience to cookies and milk afterwards (by the bus load). a man of genius.
yes, the carnegie hall bit made me cry. it was his dream. when he said, "you don't know who i am," and she replied, "andy... there's no real you," in that matter- of- factly voice, and to realize with sudden clarity how true that is... when he says, "yeah... you're right."
when he went to the philippines for the 'miracle' cure. when he lied down for the miracle... and then his face fades off into a him with eyes closed, in a coffin. beautiful cinematography.
i was never a fan of jim carrey, with his brand of humour. i only liked the truman show, and now, the man on the moon.
and danny devito was co- starring, as well as co- producing. does everyone know this HUGE crush i have on danny devito, since like, forever? since i was 10, my dream was to marry him. i think he is THE man of men. oh you laugh, but we each have our own eccentricities.
like andy kaufman.
Mott the Hoople and the Game of Life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Monopoly, twenty one, checkers, and chess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let's play Twister, let's play Risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
See you in heaven if you make the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool
Moses went walking with the staff of wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Newton got beaned by the apple good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are you having fun?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool
Here's a little agit for the never-believer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a little ghost for the offering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a truck stop instead of Saint Peter's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Andy Kaufman's gone wrestling (wrestling bears). Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
R.E.M; Man on the Moon
talent such as his, local talents such as najib ali's, jorah ahmad's, sani hussein's, azizah malik's, these people have to be recognized, as the true flames of the local scene bonfire; not the popular, good- looking amateur actors.
credit, where credit is due.
watched man on the moon on tv today. i truly admire andy kaufman's work now. i always thought he was a bit of a nut. never liked that tony cliffton fellow much. but watching man on the moon...
i cried.
it never occured to me that it was a sad movie till i watched it. i always thought, jim carrey acting as andy kaufman; what else can the movie be, but funny?
but it was sad. he created so much illusion around him that no one else could tell the difference. i myself as an audience wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't anymore.
when he revealed he had cancer though, it hit home. some things in life is real. and sometimes, no matter how much we hate to be taken a fool off, its best to take it all lightly and just be fooled, rather than insist its a prank, only to realize it wan't.
after that revelation... his slow deterioration, his gradual defeat to cancer. but defeat is not a word to be associated with kaufman, man who died with his eyes open.
after his discovery of cancer, his final show, was tremendous. beautiful. am clearly not a christian but to have him playing the conga drums, vegas showgirls singing, the original cowgirl back up to the do the dance, to have her fake passing out, and wonder of wonders, have a santa in a sleigh come floating down from the back of carnegie hall... and then treating all his audience to cookies and milk afterwards (by the bus load). a man of genius.
yes, the carnegie hall bit made me cry. it was his dream. when he said, "you don't know who i am," and she replied, "andy... there's no real you," in that matter- of- factly voice, and to realize with sudden clarity how true that is... when he says, "yeah... you're right."
when he went to the philippines for the 'miracle' cure. when he lied down for the miracle... and then his face fades off into a him with eyes closed, in a coffin. beautiful cinematography.
i was never a fan of jim carrey, with his brand of humour. i only liked the truman show, and now, the man on the moon.
and danny devito was co- starring, as well as co- producing. does everyone know this HUGE crush i have on danny devito, since like, forever? since i was 10, my dream was to marry him. i think he is THE man of men. oh you laugh, but we each have our own eccentricities.
like andy kaufman.
Mott the Hoople and the Game of Life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Monopoly, twenty one, checkers, and chess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let's play Twister, let's play Risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
See you in heaven if you make the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool
Moses went walking with the staff of wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Newton got beaned by the apple good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are you having fun?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool
Here's a little agit for the never-believer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a little ghost for the offering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here's a truck stop instead of Saint Peter's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Andy Kaufman's gone wrestling (wrestling bears). Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
R.E.M; Man on the Moon
talent such as his, local talents such as najib ali's, jorah ahmad's, sani hussein's, azizah malik's, these people have to be recognized, as the true flames of the local scene bonfire; not the popular, good- looking amateur actors.
credit, where credit is due.
Friday, June 17, 2005
woman on a mission
let it be known that after watching mr and mrs smith with hana at sun plaza this afternoon, i am more determined than ever before to be an assasinator and marry one too. so so fun!
on to bigger things.
SARA the bitch who is back from tioman was BLABBERING about it over my friendster testimonial and since now 2/3 of the sisterhood have seen it and nydia hasn't and has been wheedling me to plan a trip to tioman, here goes.
i AM planning this bloody trip you two eejits, now give me your free times, i.e. pre and post- prague. oh while i'm at it you bitches better get me chocolates when you're there. and a man. or two.
as i was saying, tioman. so yes. i've researched a few resorts but i'm looking for the one i stayed in cuz it was less commercialized and hence more secluded and hence we can have more hotfunkysex unnoticed. right. vilage name was juara, i think. sara, where did you stay? and nyd, which resort did you mention, the one your friend offered?
i am psyched about going tioman. i missssssss that place! gorgeousness, i tell you.
and also i realized i do wanna watch a lot like love, but i don't want to watch it with anyone. i want to watch it with someone new, someone special. so i am thinking i will be watching a lot like love in 5 years time. but anyhow.
i am off to make some instant noodles with lots of chopped chilli padi cuz that's how i like it.
drop it like it's hot
am happyhappyhappy! sorry. not really sure why though. hmm. was supposed to go bar none with banananess tonight, for some good earwax- lovin' music. but hoo well she had something else.
and THERE goes my chance to purposely accidentally bump into you. heh heh heh. *rubs palms together sinisterly*
i'd like to teach the world to siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing...
ah, but i doubt you all could bear listening to skeeter davis's end of the world on repeat. but oh i love that song.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy do the sun go on shiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy does the sea rushes to shooooooooooooooooore
don't they knoooooooooooooow, its the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend of the wooooooooooooorld
cuz you don't love meeeeeeeeee anymoooooooooooooore.
bliss.
and BY THE WAY adam brody is SO cute in mr and mrs smith. at the beginning of the movie i was so smitten by him that i was uninterested in jolie and brad and kept muttering, "where's seth cohen?" heh. he is the adorablest tv character ever. and he talks the same way even in the movies! that same style of abagadabagodeba. yummm.
oooh there is no end to this. i am happy. i just don't know why la.
better eat my maggi. i'll get back to you on that, promise.
let it be known that after watching mr and mrs smith with hana at sun plaza this afternoon, i am more determined than ever before to be an assasinator and marry one too. so so fun!
on to bigger things.
SARA the bitch who is back from tioman was BLABBERING about it over my friendster testimonial and since now 2/3 of the sisterhood have seen it and nydia hasn't and has been wheedling me to plan a trip to tioman, here goes.
i AM planning this bloody trip you two eejits, now give me your free times, i.e. pre and post- prague. oh while i'm at it you bitches better get me chocolates when you're there. and a man. or two.
as i was saying, tioman. so yes. i've researched a few resorts but i'm looking for the one i stayed in cuz it was less commercialized and hence more secluded and hence we can have more hotfunkysex unnoticed. right. vilage name was juara, i think. sara, where did you stay? and nyd, which resort did you mention, the one your friend offered?
i am psyched about going tioman. i missssssss that place! gorgeousness, i tell you.
and also i realized i do wanna watch a lot like love, but i don't want to watch it with anyone. i want to watch it with someone new, someone special. so i am thinking i will be watching a lot like love in 5 years time. but anyhow.
i am off to make some instant noodles with lots of chopped chilli padi cuz that's how i like it.
drop it like it's hot
am happyhappyhappy! sorry. not really sure why though. hmm. was supposed to go bar none with banananess tonight, for some good earwax- lovin' music. but hoo well she had something else.
and THERE goes my chance to purposely accidentally bump into you. heh heh heh. *rubs palms together sinisterly*
i'd like to teach the world to siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing...
ah, but i doubt you all could bear listening to skeeter davis's end of the world on repeat. but oh i love that song.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy do the sun go on shiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy does the sea rushes to shooooooooooooooooore
don't they knoooooooooooooow, its the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend of the wooooooooooooorld
cuz you don't love meeeeeeeeee anymoooooooooooooore.
bliss.
and BY THE WAY adam brody is SO cute in mr and mrs smith. at the beginning of the movie i was so smitten by him that i was uninterested in jolie and brad and kept muttering, "where's seth cohen?" heh. he is the adorablest tv character ever. and he talks the same way even in the movies! that same style of abagadabagodeba. yummm.
oooh there is no end to this. i am happy. i just don't know why la.
better eat my maggi. i'll get back to you on that, promise.
i suck.
my modules sucked, my entire SEMESTER sucked thanks to someone who shall remain anonymous, my results suck, my c.a.p. sucks, my love life is beyond sucky, everything is FALLING TO PIECES AND I WILL BE THE FOOL WATCHING IT ALL CRUMBLE.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
ah ok. much better.
screw it all. sometimes vulgarities is the only way to go.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
i hate brooding therefore i shall make some big- ass decisions tonight. i hate sleeping on troubles. hate it hate it.
argh. once more,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
my modules sucked, my entire SEMESTER sucked thanks to someone who shall remain anonymous, my results suck, my c.a.p. sucks, my love life is beyond sucky, everything is FALLING TO PIECES AND I WILL BE THE FOOL WATCHING IT ALL CRUMBLE.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
ah ok. much better.
screw it all. sometimes vulgarities is the only way to go.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
i hate brooding therefore i shall make some big- ass decisions tonight. i hate sleeping on troubles. hate it hate it.
argh. once more,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
its all been done
i know now we can never be and there is no befitting finale for it than for it to fade into oblivion, once and again. the momentum on which it hung, where anything could have been possible, is gone. and maybe that's just how it was meant to be.
met nydia for body shop and lunch today. delifrance sandwiches and lippy joys/ scents/ suchs, were the order of the day. and the girl was more than happy to round it all off with soup from the soup spoon.
soup! mine's minestrone; super- filling! i finished a quart and felt like bursting! hers is mushroom goulash. good shit!
her sash came undone so she asked me to do up her bow. and i did it so gorgeously i just HAD to snap a pic of it.
merry bow.
more camwhoring was in order IN the train station.
and these pictures show CLEARLY, our height difference.
she stood pretty near me to get a shot of me. i backed right up to the wall, before i could get a full shot of her. woe is me.
met lesbonbon at causeway point to get shoes for her brother aka my boipren. then bus ride home. then some chit chat in my room then i was off to tuition.
i really admire how supportive my student's husband is. he watches the daughter and fetches her from playschool and all that and makes sure the daughter doesn't disturb her mum having tuition. and he pays for her education. respeck.
since sunday, all my dreams have been very confusing. sunday night all the way through last night, it has been dreams FILLED with boys. many many boys. and in all of them, there is no ending. meaning it is all hanging. and in one of them, of which there were a particularly large amount of boys, i was, in the dream, confused about who my boyfriend was. apparently i forgot, or something.
now tell me, who, WHO in blue heavens my dear friends, WHO forgets who their boyfriend is?
apparently you will, if you are me. and i think these dreams reflect the turmoil that is my mind and heart when it comes to boys.
and many things are hanging in my life. alot. of things. i dread decision cuz i don't want to make a mistake that will cost me my future.
and still i believe in fate and that is why i just leave it be, cuz i know He will make the decision for me. He will show me, tell me, what is right, what needs to be done.
i am not in love; i have a crush on half the male population, some of whom are total strangers; and i have a colourful past history of men. hmm hmm.
and i'm far from done.
on a MUCH BRIGHTER NOTE, i realized with sudden gravity that it is JUNE (yes i know slow shush) and therefore...
I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR A YEAR! A WHOLE YEAR! GOOOOOOOOOOOO ME!
i was determined to not get attached and granted, over the year this willpower wavered every now and then and despite not having any boyfriends i had more boy problems than i ever had in all my 19 years combined.
2005 has proven to be a very interesting year.
and it's far from over.
i know now we can never be and there is no befitting finale for it than for it to fade into oblivion, once and again. the momentum on which it hung, where anything could have been possible, is gone. and maybe that's just how it was meant to be.
met nydia for body shop and lunch today. delifrance sandwiches and lippy joys/ scents/ suchs, were the order of the day. and the girl was more than happy to round it all off with soup from the soup spoon.
soup! mine's minestrone; super- filling! i finished a quart and felt like bursting! hers is mushroom goulash. good shit!
her sash came undone so she asked me to do up her bow. and i did it so gorgeously i just HAD to snap a pic of it.
merry bow.
more camwhoring was in order IN the train station.
and these pictures show CLEARLY, our height difference.
she stood pretty near me to get a shot of me. i backed right up to the wall, before i could get a full shot of her. woe is me.
met lesbonbon at causeway point to get shoes for her brother aka my boipren. then bus ride home. then some chit chat in my room then i was off to tuition.
i really admire how supportive my student's husband is. he watches the daughter and fetches her from playschool and all that and makes sure the daughter doesn't disturb her mum having tuition. and he pays for her education. respeck.
since sunday, all my dreams have been very confusing. sunday night all the way through last night, it has been dreams FILLED with boys. many many boys. and in all of them, there is no ending. meaning it is all hanging. and in one of them, of which there were a particularly large amount of boys, i was, in the dream, confused about who my boyfriend was. apparently i forgot, or something.
now tell me, who, WHO in blue heavens my dear friends, WHO forgets who their boyfriend is?
apparently you will, if you are me. and i think these dreams reflect the turmoil that is my mind and heart when it comes to boys.
and many things are hanging in my life. alot. of things. i dread decision cuz i don't want to make a mistake that will cost me my future.
and still i believe in fate and that is why i just leave it be, cuz i know He will make the decision for me. He will show me, tell me, what is right, what needs to be done.
i am not in love; i have a crush on half the male population, some of whom are total strangers; and i have a colourful past history of men. hmm hmm.
and i'm far from done.
on a MUCH BRIGHTER NOTE, i realized with sudden gravity that it is JUNE (yes i know slow shush) and therefore...
I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR A YEAR! A WHOLE YEAR! GOOOOOOOOOOOO ME!
i was determined to not get attached and granted, over the year this willpower wavered every now and then and despite not having any boyfriends i had more boy problems than i ever had in all my 19 years combined.
2005 has proven to be a very interesting year.
and it's far from over.
Today's Forecast
"The conversation starts casual, and it seems light enough, but there's something deeper going on. Find out what, exactly, by asking questions that get serious. Don't be afraid to take it to the next level."
hana? wanna tell me what THIS sounds like?
fear. fear rattles my bones, sends shiver running up and down my spine. i want nothing out of this. absolutely nothing.
cuz with nothing, nothing more can happen.
i stare into the screen and the image blurs into nothingness.
i wish later would be the same.
i don't understand what this lovers mean by action speaks louder than words. maybe this was relevant in the age- old time when men say, "ok i will wait for you forever," but didn't, "i will buy you flowers" but didn't, "i will always hold your hand even if its more wrinkled than an elephant's ass," but he won't. so yes, these are all words, that never took an active form.
these days, men are VERY active. active roaming hands, active lips, active genitalia between the legs. they are no longer all talk no action. in fact now, they cease the talking! don't you think so? men never like to talk about feelings! they never like to talk to you, unless its, "who's your daddy?" or "i like it doggy." (overgeneralisation, i know. i see many angry men.) they do all sorts nowadays. they buy you stuff, they date you out, they hold your hand and stroll down the streets with you, but they don't say it. they can't say something deep and sincere. like i love you.
now if i'm gonna find a guy, i am gonna find one who loves me and says it. i don't care if he don't buy me flowers (was never a fan of one, ask any ex), if he won't get me jewellery (do you see ANY on me?), if he won't pay for my shopping trips and food and whatever. i don't want all that. what it all boils down to, i want a man who can LOVE without being stirred by lust. oxymoron, possibly.
okay la i get it i wouldn't want a man to say he wants to be with me forever and find him in bed with the maid the next day but at this point of time, i think having him say anything is more important. like every other fool, i believe strongly in communication. i guess mainly because i don't think i am all that good at mind- reading.
not saying things, thinking that the other part oughta know what you think and feel anyway cuz he/ she loves you, is foolish. if they're that good they'll be on the streets forecasting future, not holding your hands and loving you.
i want a man with opinions. a man who says i love you and means it. a man who is not shy to say, "oh wow you look great today," or "er, did you get that skirt with me? so bright! haha!" a man who loves me enough to laugh with me. a man who loves me with my folly and silliness. a man who plays music. a man who listens to me and what i have to say. a man who will play soccer with me. a man who will teach how to play the guitar. a man who will not propose to me down on one knees. a man who thinks nothing of me waking up at noon only cuz i want to catch tom and jerry. a man who will watch it with me too, and join me in my brunch of cocoa pops cereal. a man who would want old, metal grilled gates at his front door. a man who would like what i choose, what i say, not because he loves me, but because he thinks the same way too. i don't want a man who gives in to me. it gets boring.
this gets boring too, typing on abut a non- existent man. hah.
"The conversation starts casual, and it seems light enough, but there's something deeper going on. Find out what, exactly, by asking questions that get serious. Don't be afraid to take it to the next level."
hana? wanna tell me what THIS sounds like?
fear. fear rattles my bones, sends shiver running up and down my spine. i want nothing out of this. absolutely nothing.
cuz with nothing, nothing more can happen.
i stare into the screen and the image blurs into nothingness.
i wish later would be the same.
i don't understand what this lovers mean by action speaks louder than words. maybe this was relevant in the age- old time when men say, "ok i will wait for you forever," but didn't, "i will buy you flowers" but didn't, "i will always hold your hand even if its more wrinkled than an elephant's ass," but he won't. so yes, these are all words, that never took an active form.
these days, men are VERY active. active roaming hands, active lips, active genitalia between the legs. they are no longer all talk no action. in fact now, they cease the talking! don't you think so? men never like to talk about feelings! they never like to talk to you, unless its, "who's your daddy?" or "i like it doggy." (overgeneralisation, i know. i see many angry men.) they do all sorts nowadays. they buy you stuff, they date you out, they hold your hand and stroll down the streets with you, but they don't say it. they can't say something deep and sincere. like i love you.
now if i'm gonna find a guy, i am gonna find one who loves me and says it. i don't care if he don't buy me flowers (was never a fan of one, ask any ex), if he won't get me jewellery (do you see ANY on me?), if he won't pay for my shopping trips and food and whatever. i don't want all that. what it all boils down to, i want a man who can LOVE without being stirred by lust. oxymoron, possibly.
okay la i get it i wouldn't want a man to say he wants to be with me forever and find him in bed with the maid the next day but at this point of time, i think having him say anything is more important. like every other fool, i believe strongly in communication. i guess mainly because i don't think i am all that good at mind- reading.
not saying things, thinking that the other part oughta know what you think and feel anyway cuz he/ she loves you, is foolish. if they're that good they'll be on the streets forecasting future, not holding your hands and loving you.
i want a man with opinions. a man who says i love you and means it. a man who is not shy to say, "oh wow you look great today," or "er, did you get that skirt with me? so bright! haha!" a man who loves me enough to laugh with me. a man who loves me with my folly and silliness. a man who plays music. a man who listens to me and what i have to say. a man who will play soccer with me. a man who will teach how to play the guitar. a man who will not propose to me down on one knees. a man who thinks nothing of me waking up at noon only cuz i want to catch tom and jerry. a man who will watch it with me too, and join me in my brunch of cocoa pops cereal. a man who would want old, metal grilled gates at his front door. a man who would like what i choose, what i say, not because he loves me, but because he thinks the same way too. i don't want a man who gives in to me. it gets boring.
this gets boring too, typing on abut a non- existent man. hah.
lunch with a murderer
i kid you not.
met nydia today cuz i couldn't take it anymore, i just HAD to have more bread and butter pudding from california bistro! so off we went.
upon arrival, got ourselves seated, mulled over what to order for our main courses.
oh but wait! i am running ahead of myself. first, upon meeting, i divulged how i stopped in my tracks upon sighting a brown striped adidas sneakers upon the feet of a stranger. cuz he wears them. she told me i must try to stop being so freaky. keyword: try.
and of course walk to esplanade, must past by interesting wallpapers designed by jonathan lee (i think), entitled images of singapore. and as we promised to be camwhore today (yes this is the kind of oaths minah sisterhood have; i promise to be a bimbo, a trendy wanker through and through, gush about all cute men, and be camwhores whenever possible)... we lived up to it, right from the moment we first met.
morons, are we not?
after all THAT then did we ended up at cali bistro; ordering our main courses. here's what we ended up with.
oriental hot and sour soup. it has things in it. you know. mushrooms, chicken bits, the likes. almost like szechuan, we thought. oh, and with nydia's camwhoring finger.
i tried...
she tried.
hers. grilled cajun dory fillet. butter sauce needed a lil' more flavouring and nydia went crazy with the salt shaker.
my well- behaved, no- needs- for- alteration pasta penne arriabiate. looks spicy? it is. it made my nose run. and i am miss eat- raw- chilli- padi sort.
before food arrived she passed to me the stuff i ordered from victoria's secret through her.
in awe.
can't get over the huge- ass butterfly.
after letting the food digest a little, we proceeded to desserts.
mmm. this my shit, this my shit. and, uh, her shit. hahaha. that's bread and butter pudding with a huge dollop of rich vanilla ice- cream, and her no- alcohol tiramisu.
in the face of good food, talk nonsense. and we did. i got agitated by the love songs power 98 kept playing, she got agitated by ants on our tables and started killing them. hence blog title. and uh, there was this anal auntie who came and demanded all sorts of thingamajicks and then requested a riper banana for her banana split. the waiter, nyd's friend botak/ bald, gave the waitress serving anal auntie a bunch of bananas, and told her to ask the auntie to pick herself. didn't happen though, unfortunately.
each time we eat there, i give comments and suggestions.
food critic in action.
my precious words.
can you read it? please say you can. haha. anyway if you can't... here goes.
your butter sauce hor,veryquite bland, nydia had to put alot of salt which i don't approve of cuz it increases risk of high blood pressure. plus, there were ants at our table; and nydia had to kill them all. i enjoyed my pasta though. =) p.s: i told she was psycho.- nydia.
i like their decor.
nice floor...
nice wall. which lights up without warning and shocked the kenannys out of me the first time it happened.
we got free refills! cuz botak likes nydia's boobs. hahaha. oh and here's how we like our, erm. STRAWS.
hers: kinked. mine: strong, long and erect. now YOU go figure the million and one innuedos attached to that.
(her arms are crossed cuz i told her her boobs were in the shot. then i decided to cross mine too, for some uniformity)
after ALL that, we decided to take a loooong walk. down citylink mall, entered body shop to get some lip balm (WATERMELON, MMM!) and then raffles city for some window- shopping. nydia sucks at window- shopping by the way. iman dia tak kuat. that's er, she got no/ weak willpower.
i was wearing new shoes. in fact, today was the second time i wore them. and for some weird reason, the left one was broken in, happily comfy and caressing my toes, while the right one was all squashing my toes. i told nydia, "my feet's gone schizo. the left is all lalala happy and the right one is like owowow dammit toes crushed!"
so we took a rest. at pacific coffee.
for some juice (the mag)...
and juice (the drink).
then we headed BACK to esplanade and lo and behold! in time for a fantabulous band.
E.I.C. which apparently stands for elephant, indian, chinese. or so they said. they're good. the lead vocals have a voice to melt gold. sigh.
then we wandered off till marina bay. sghtings include:
lighted balls,
couples and couples and couples making out,
nice choppy sea waves.
under the bridge.
tired feet. she insisted on a feet pic cuz she said i take pictures of all the feet of the people i go out with. upon going through my iPhoto, i realize she is right. *hangs head in shame*
day wasn't over cuz i was meeting hananess the lesbonbon at jurong east station for a ride together back home and supper at macs. being neighbours has its benefits.
long talk, many laughs, good chat. too tired to say it all. today's entry shall be pics- laden.
it was a long day...
it was a good day. :)
i kid you not.
met nydia today cuz i couldn't take it anymore, i just HAD to have more bread and butter pudding from california bistro! so off we went.
upon arrival, got ourselves seated, mulled over what to order for our main courses.
oh but wait! i am running ahead of myself. first, upon meeting, i divulged how i stopped in my tracks upon sighting a brown striped adidas sneakers upon the feet of a stranger. cuz he wears them. she told me i must try to stop being so freaky. keyword: try.
and of course walk to esplanade, must past by interesting wallpapers designed by jonathan lee (i think), entitled images of singapore. and as we promised to be camwhore today (yes this is the kind of oaths minah sisterhood have; i promise to be a bimbo, a trendy wanker through and through, gush about all cute men, and be camwhores whenever possible)... we lived up to it, right from the moment we first met.
morons, are we not?
after all THAT then did we ended up at cali bistro; ordering our main courses. here's what we ended up with.
oriental hot and sour soup. it has things in it. you know. mushrooms, chicken bits, the likes. almost like szechuan, we thought. oh, and with nydia's camwhoring finger.
i tried...
she tried.
hers. grilled cajun dory fillet. butter sauce needed a lil' more flavouring and nydia went crazy with the salt shaker.
my well- behaved, no- needs- for- alteration pasta penne arriabiate. looks spicy? it is. it made my nose run. and i am miss eat- raw- chilli- padi sort.
before food arrived she passed to me the stuff i ordered from victoria's secret through her.
in awe.
can't get over the huge- ass butterfly.
after letting the food digest a little, we proceeded to desserts.
mmm. this my shit, this my shit. and, uh, her shit. hahaha. that's bread and butter pudding with a huge dollop of rich vanilla ice- cream, and her no- alcohol tiramisu.
in the face of good food, talk nonsense. and we did. i got agitated by the love songs power 98 kept playing, she got agitated by ants on our tables and started killing them. hence blog title. and uh, there was this anal auntie who came and demanded all sorts of thingamajicks and then requested a riper banana for her banana split. the waiter, nyd's friend botak/ bald, gave the waitress serving anal auntie a bunch of bananas, and told her to ask the auntie to pick herself. didn't happen though, unfortunately.
each time we eat there, i give comments and suggestions.
food critic in action.
my precious words.
can you read it? please say you can. haha. anyway if you can't... here goes.
your butter sauce hor,
i like their decor.
nice floor...
nice wall. which lights up without warning and shocked the kenannys out of me the first time it happened.
we got free refills! cuz botak likes nydia's boobs. hahaha. oh and here's how we like our, erm. STRAWS.
hers: kinked. mine: strong, long and erect. now YOU go figure the million and one innuedos attached to that.
(her arms are crossed cuz i told her her boobs were in the shot. then i decided to cross mine too, for some uniformity)
after ALL that, we decided to take a loooong walk. down citylink mall, entered body shop to get some lip balm (WATERMELON, MMM!) and then raffles city for some window- shopping. nydia sucks at window- shopping by the way. iman dia tak kuat. that's er, she got no/ weak willpower.
i was wearing new shoes. in fact, today was the second time i wore them. and for some weird reason, the left one was broken in, happily comfy and caressing my toes, while the right one was all squashing my toes. i told nydia, "my feet's gone schizo. the left is all lalala happy and the right one is like owowow dammit toes crushed!"
so we took a rest. at pacific coffee.
for some juice (the mag)...
and juice (the drink).
then we headed BACK to esplanade and lo and behold! in time for a fantabulous band.
E.I.C. which apparently stands for elephant, indian, chinese. or so they said. they're good. the lead vocals have a voice to melt gold. sigh.
then we wandered off till marina bay. sghtings include:
lighted balls,
couples and couples and couples making out,
nice choppy sea waves.
under the bridge.
tired feet. she insisted on a feet pic cuz she said i take pictures of all the feet of the people i go out with. upon going through my iPhoto, i realize she is right. *hangs head in shame*
day wasn't over cuz i was meeting hananess the lesbonbon at jurong east station for a ride together back home and supper at macs. being neighbours has its benefits.
long talk, many laughs, good chat. too tired to say it all. today's entry shall be pics- laden.
it was a long day...
it was a good day. :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
amor, no es amor, it's just an illusion
you tell me what this is. looking at it then reprimanding myself to stop. looking at it then closing my eyes willing to click the 'x' on the top- left, or just the 'back' button. doing neither. opening your eyes to stare at it again. slowly closing your eyes wishing it all away, wishing you two never met.
I'm in love with the child inside
I don't have a right to follow you
Or have a license to get closer
A love that won't be denied
For you are something like I've never seen
I'm a (wo)man who's heart is crying
Bee Gees; Obsessions
Just thinking 'bout you baby
Got me twisted in the head
And I don't know how to take it
But it's driving me so crazy
I don't know if it's right
I'm tossing turning in my bed
It's 5 o'clock in the morning
And I still can't sleep
Thinking 'bout your beauty
It makes me weak
I'm feeling hopeless in my home
I don't know what to do
Frankie J feat. Baby Bash; Obssesions (No Es Amor)
oh slap some sense into me please. only when he's impossible, out- of- reach and very unlikely to feature in my lovelife, do i adore him and pray for his presence. why can't i ever be a normal girl who likes boys who likes her and just get on with the goddamn show? it was hauntingly painful yet decadently pleasurable to just look at him, with her stuck beside him, like an eyesore. i only want what i can't get. i want a challenge, a big fish, a hard catch, a tough fight. if i can easily have it, it surely musn't be worth the fight, if there is one to start with? that's my mindset. how manly, i know.
you could be my unintended
its almost like i like getting hurt, isn't it? like i want to feel the ache of longing. a sick pleasure derived from looking at something too far beyond my grasp. before i knew you were out- of- reach, i barely glanced at you. that's how it is. i like chasing the thing that is beyond my catch. i like the thrill of the chase. i like the sore disappointment that comes with losing something you wanted and desired so. i want to know my limits. just like how i like listening to sad songs when i am crying, to make me sadder and cry harder. i like to feel the dull throb in my chest when i cry so hard and hurt so much. whenever i ache, i want the pain to be physical, for it to be real. when i sob, i want it to be wrenching and have it wretch my heart. sob till my lungs hurt, cry till the eyes get puffy. i like to see how much i can feel, how sad i can be. i am always pushing the envelope, see how far i can go. like now. let me hurt myself a little by constantly torturing myself with thoughts and sights of you just so i know how it feels to desire one who doesn't desire you.
i am a self- destructing machine when it comes to matters of the heart...
but i bet you knew that, all along.
you tell me what this is. looking at it then reprimanding myself to stop. looking at it then closing my eyes willing to click the 'x' on the top- left, or just the 'back' button. doing neither. opening your eyes to stare at it again. slowly closing your eyes wishing it all away, wishing you two never met.
I'm in love with the child inside
I don't have a right to follow you
Or have a license to get closer
A love that won't be denied
For you are something like I've never seen
I'm a (wo)man who's heart is crying
Bee Gees; Obsessions
Just thinking 'bout you baby
Got me twisted in the head
And I don't know how to take it
But it's driving me so crazy
I don't know if it's right
I'm tossing turning in my bed
It's 5 o'clock in the morning
And I still can't sleep
Thinking 'bout your beauty
It makes me weak
I'm feeling hopeless in my home
I don't know what to do
Frankie J feat. Baby Bash; Obssesions (No Es Amor)
oh slap some sense into me please. only when he's impossible, out- of- reach and very unlikely to feature in my lovelife, do i adore him and pray for his presence. why can't i ever be a normal girl who likes boys who likes her and just get on with the goddamn show? it was hauntingly painful yet decadently pleasurable to just look at him, with her stuck beside him, like an eyesore. i only want what i can't get. i want a challenge, a big fish, a hard catch, a tough fight. if i can easily have it, it surely musn't be worth the fight, if there is one to start with? that's my mindset. how manly, i know.
you could be my unintended
its almost like i like getting hurt, isn't it? like i want to feel the ache of longing. a sick pleasure derived from looking at something too far beyond my grasp. before i knew you were out- of- reach, i barely glanced at you. that's how it is. i like chasing the thing that is beyond my catch. i like the thrill of the chase. i like the sore disappointment that comes with losing something you wanted and desired so. i want to know my limits. just like how i like listening to sad songs when i am crying, to make me sadder and cry harder. i like to feel the dull throb in my chest when i cry so hard and hurt so much. whenever i ache, i want the pain to be physical, for it to be real. when i sob, i want it to be wrenching and have it wretch my heart. sob till my lungs hurt, cry till the eyes get puffy. i like to see how much i can feel, how sad i can be. i am always pushing the envelope, see how far i can go. like now. let me hurt myself a little by constantly torturing myself with thoughts and sights of you just so i know how it feels to desire one who doesn't desire you.
i am a self- destructing machine when it comes to matters of the heart...
but i bet you knew that, all along.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
this just in
jamming have been put on hold. cuz our lead guitarist starts schooling next week.
its been a long slow day. languid, relaxing. had some cheese crackers. mum will be coming home with a banditto. i think i eat bandittos weekly. at least. oh well.
sigh.
i don't know what to make of it. i know its a good thing... we won't meet and there is no chance of things getting out of hand but at the same time i want to see that smile again. what's a good old crush for if not for sneaky peeks? but now i can't even have that. and i can't hear that voice. weeks, now, till i will see you again. hopefully crush is over by then or i just might go crazy missing looking at you.
i feel out- of- sorts. i know its a good thing, that i won't be seeing him, again, this is divine intervention. but i was so looking forward. nyeh.
tuition later, walking- distance girl. and now i won't have to change this friday's tuition time. see? its all a good thing.
then why am i not cheering?
ok on to less :( things. today is hakim's birthday, and to make up for the lack of gift i sent him a birthday text message, an e- card and also, dedicated a picture postcard for him on my blog. not sure if he reads this often but i think his sister does, so she most likely will have him know he has earned a crown on my blog. haha.
that was the metro- est crown and postcard i could come out with, without it crossing the line into gaydom. dum dee da dee da.
tried watching a hindi movie hana loaned me. but i couldn't even get halfway through it. i dunno. the romance bits in hindi movies annoy me sometimes.
seriously. would a guy, who has NO MONEY, NO STABLE JOB, just buy a piece of land and build a house for his dream girl?
or in the case of most hindi movies; if your heart belongs to someone else, would you marry a rich, handsome guy just cuz you think the one you love will never love you back? you're not being fair to this guy who sincerely loves you and wants to marry you! and guy who sincerely loves her and wants to marry her, just WHAT is your problem? she doesn't love you back, do you HAVE to be all self- sacrificing and shower her the love the other eejit won't shower her with? and YOU the guy who is the ROOT to all this problem, if you love the girl too, will you PLEASE do something about it and not admire her from afar or leave her hanging or think that you're not good enough for her and that she's better off with rich- handsome- boy? STOP ALL THIS SACRIFICING BULLSHIT AND JUST GO GET WHO YOU LOVE, DAMMIT!
in doing so too, the bollywood movie industry would probably collapse so i guess my suggestion will not be taken seriously anytime soon.
sigh. this is why i was never a romantic.
there are things in life i can appreciate; tiny surprises, ocassional roses, blindfolded to secret gorgeous parks and such. but SERIOUSLY. the whole i- love- you- but- i- can't- have- you- so- i- will- let- my- best- friend- have- you or the likes of that is SO NOT UP MY ALLEY. love is very simple. very pure, very genuine. we humans are the fools who complicates it all. love itself is simple, its the relationships bit that needs work. don't tell me if its love it shouldn't mean work. if its love it means you want to make it work, you're willing to make it work. relationships is the thing that complicates love.
which is why i just love and i don't establish relationships. cuz i can't take the long- term commitment and the un- fulfillable promises that comes with it. how do i promise you that i will love you ten years from now when i can't even tell you where/ what/ who i will be NEXT year?
aiyah. anyway. hindi movies are annoying okay? i can't stand seeing this SUPER STAR- CROSSED LOVERS repetitively CROSSING PATHS but just SOMEHOW oh SOMEHOW, just NOT see each other and they go on and on, over and over again, constantly seeking each other but stupidly never stopping to think that if you just bloody stay in one place, finding you would be easier. sometimes i wish they would just decide who wants to find who. then the person being looked for stay in one place. then the one finder will just do all the hunting. that would cut hindi movies by like say, an hour, at least.
no point complaining. whenever my family members or anyone for that matter start getting frustrated and really involved in these movies and go, "LOOK ON YOUR LEFT!!!! SHE'S ON YOUR LEFT!!! LOOK LA WHY YOU NEVER LOOK!!!" i just say, "director suruh." meaning, that's what the director wants. "nak buat cerita la katakan." all in the name of creating a story.
aiya maybe i am just venting frustrations with my own shambled lovelife on the annoying nature on hindi movies.
so.
moral of the story is; if your lovelife is in shambles, don't watch hindi movies. or you just might end up writing ajay devgan/ rani mukherjee/ shah rukh khan/ kajol/ blablabla some HATE MAIL.
jamming have been put on hold. cuz our lead guitarist starts schooling next week.
its been a long slow day. languid, relaxing. had some cheese crackers. mum will be coming home with a banditto. i think i eat bandittos weekly. at least. oh well.
sigh.
i don't know what to make of it. i know its a good thing... we won't meet and there is no chance of things getting out of hand but at the same time i want to see that smile again. what's a good old crush for if not for sneaky peeks? but now i can't even have that. and i can't hear that voice. weeks, now, till i will see you again. hopefully crush is over by then or i just might go crazy missing looking at you.
i feel out- of- sorts. i know its a good thing, that i won't be seeing him, again, this is divine intervention. but i was so looking forward. nyeh.
tuition later, walking- distance girl. and now i won't have to change this friday's tuition time. see? its all a good thing.
then why am i not cheering?
ok on to less :( things. today is hakim's birthday, and to make up for the lack of gift i sent him a birthday text message, an e- card and also, dedicated a picture postcard for him on my blog. not sure if he reads this often but i think his sister does, so she most likely will have him know he has earned a crown on my blog. haha.
that was the metro- est crown and postcard i could come out with, without it crossing the line into gaydom. dum dee da dee da.
tried watching a hindi movie hana loaned me. but i couldn't even get halfway through it. i dunno. the romance bits in hindi movies annoy me sometimes.
seriously. would a guy, who has NO MONEY, NO STABLE JOB, just buy a piece of land and build a house for his dream girl?
or in the case of most hindi movies; if your heart belongs to someone else, would you marry a rich, handsome guy just cuz you think the one you love will never love you back? you're not being fair to this guy who sincerely loves you and wants to marry you! and guy who sincerely loves her and wants to marry her, just WHAT is your problem? she doesn't love you back, do you HAVE to be all self- sacrificing and shower her the love the other eejit won't shower her with? and YOU the guy who is the ROOT to all this problem, if you love the girl too, will you PLEASE do something about it and not admire her from afar or leave her hanging or think that you're not good enough for her and that she's better off with rich- handsome- boy? STOP ALL THIS SACRIFICING BULLSHIT AND JUST GO GET WHO YOU LOVE, DAMMIT!
in doing so too, the bollywood movie industry would probably collapse so i guess my suggestion will not be taken seriously anytime soon.
sigh. this is why i was never a romantic.
there are things in life i can appreciate; tiny surprises, ocassional roses, blindfolded to secret gorgeous parks and such. but SERIOUSLY. the whole i- love- you- but- i- can't- have- you- so- i- will- let- my- best- friend- have- you or the likes of that is SO NOT UP MY ALLEY. love is very simple. very pure, very genuine. we humans are the fools who complicates it all. love itself is simple, its the relationships bit that needs work. don't tell me if its love it shouldn't mean work. if its love it means you want to make it work, you're willing to make it work. relationships is the thing that complicates love.
which is why i just love and i don't establish relationships. cuz i can't take the long- term commitment and the un- fulfillable promises that comes with it. how do i promise you that i will love you ten years from now when i can't even tell you where/ what/ who i will be NEXT year?
aiyah. anyway. hindi movies are annoying okay? i can't stand seeing this SUPER STAR- CROSSED LOVERS repetitively CROSSING PATHS but just SOMEHOW oh SOMEHOW, just NOT see each other and they go on and on, over and over again, constantly seeking each other but stupidly never stopping to think that if you just bloody stay in one place, finding you would be easier. sometimes i wish they would just decide who wants to find who. then the person being looked for stay in one place. then the one finder will just do all the hunting. that would cut hindi movies by like say, an hour, at least.
no point complaining. whenever my family members or anyone for that matter start getting frustrated and really involved in these movies and go, "LOOK ON YOUR LEFT!!!! SHE'S ON YOUR LEFT!!! LOOK LA WHY YOU NEVER LOOK!!!" i just say, "director suruh." meaning, that's what the director wants. "nak buat cerita la katakan." all in the name of creating a story.
aiya maybe i am just venting frustrations with my own shambled lovelife on the annoying nature on hindi movies.
so.
moral of the story is; if your lovelife is in shambles, don't watch hindi movies. or you just might end up writing ajay devgan/ rani mukherjee/ shah rukh khan/ kajol/ blablabla some HATE MAIL.
HIP HIP HURRAY!
the boy above, turns 20 as of today. due to lack of forethought, i failed to buy him a gift. however, i hope he will feel honoured to have received the very sought- after award. why, it even comes with a very metro crown.
Hakim, i hereby announce thee, Metrosexual of the Year.
Happy Birthday!
the boy above, turns 20 as of today. due to lack of forethought, i failed to buy him a gift. however, i hope he will feel honoured to have received the very sought- after award. why, it even comes with a very metro crown.
Hakim, i hereby announce thee, Metrosexual of the Year.
Happy Birthday!
Monday, June 13, 2005
i like to move it move it
yes you guessed it, i've went to catch madagascar, after weeks of anticipation. for all its hype, it sure wasn't as PHWOAR as i thought it would be. but yes, funny it was.
let's go meet the pansies!
before that was marche for lunch, a little shopping for the belo one. i've instant makeover- ised him. two new tops and walla. he's a changed man. almost didn't believe my eyes when he stepped out from the dressing room. i bet my face was like those family members of extreme- makeover- ised victims. he looked good enough to eat. ;)
then a rush back to cineleisure for our evening movie. fun fun fun. conversation snippets with the belo usually explains it all, so here goes.
me: (he's been taking mandarin classes so i take it upon myself to test him) what's wo pu yao ken ni hao?
hafiz: i don't want to be your friend.
me: what time is it? its chi ei tian? right?
hafiz: no la... its chee something... chee... chee... umm...
me: aiya cheebye la.
me: so you don't like him because...
hafiz: because he hit on you and went out with you.
me: like that only?!
hafiz: ya! you don't go out with your friend's girls or exes, that's just wrong.
me: so he's a bastard cuz of that? is the rule THAT strong?
hafiz: umm... i dunno la. cuz i also went out with you after imran. *sheepish*
me: HAH! EXACTLY! so you're a bastard too! like him! and since imran went out with me after hadi and he and di were friends, he's a bastard! the three of you are a trilogy of bastards!
me: eleh, eva mendes makan babi. pagi bangun makan babi, tengah hari makan babi, malam buta makan babi, hari- hari makan babi (morning wake up eat pork, in the afternoon eat pork, in the middle of the night eat pork, everyday eat pork). that's why you like her right? cuz she makan banyak babi (cuz she eat alot of pork).
hafiz: eh... what is this. you just insulted me.
me: where got? i am just saying. she eats alot of... you know. and you like her. so thereotically, you like her cuz she banyak makan babi (eat alot of pork).
me: you know lol, like laugh out loud? i'm lolling now.
hafiz: what the heck.
me: ya! lololololololol.
hafiz: haha stop it you sound crazy.
me: and if this was an msn conversation, i shall reply that with a roffle (ROFL). ROFFLE ROFFLE ROFFLE!
hafiz: oi are you okay or not? what nonsense.
me: oh! are you wateffing (WTF) me now?
hafiz: ok can you stop laughing like that. you're scaring people. wait people think you're on drugs.
me: OH! FINE! i will stop talking.
hafiz: no laa i'm just saying you sound like you're on drugs.. wait they call CNB how?
me: humph! i don't love you anymore, you hear? malas. tak kuasa. penat. penaaaaaat ah. (lazy. can't be bothered. tired. very tired.)
hafiz: *laughs*
me: did you hear me??? i don't love you anymore! penaaaat! malassss! (tired!!! lazy!!!)
me: *sings* don't call me babi.
hafiz: haha i'm sure that's not what they had in mind.
me: oh really? and how would you know? is sophie ellis bexter your neighbour?
hafiz: ya. bapak dia buncit isap gam (yes, her father is fat and sniffs glue).
me: huh?! what nonsense. her father's name is muhammad bexter bin...
hafiz: uhh...
me: abdul bexter bin abu burn!
hafiz: sofia ella...
me: sofia ella bakso! mee bakso!
hafiz: no la. muhammad bexter bin...
me: BANGSAT (this is a very crude malay word, no idea what it means)!
hafiz: ........
me: BRENGSEK (indonesian. for like, bloody hell. or something)!
hafiz: okay okay...
me: prengsekkkkkkk... sekkkkkkkkkkk... sekkkkkkkk...
hafiz: ok you do realize you are making weird noises now right.
me: i'll walk home la, from the train station.
hafiz: do you walk...
me: NO! I FLYYYY.
hafiz: *ignores* do you walk by the path or...
me: cuz, *sings* i believe i can flyyyyy...
hafiz: can you please listen? where do you walk? road or...
me: road.
hafiz: road? the one...
me: the one that leads to never never land.
hafiz: oi can you listen. which road? is it the one...
me: that's where sandman is... *sings* exit light... into night... take my handddd... off to never never land... *mimes guitar riffs*
hafiz: oh god. where you walk la?
me: oh the path la. along the police post.
hafiz: ok thank you. you finally answered me after like, 5 minutes of random singing.
me: HELLOOO WHERE GOT FIVE MINUTES CLEMENTI UNTIL JURONG EAST NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES HORRRR.
hafiz: :|
me: so loud eh? haha.
me: you should date other girls!
hafiz: for what?
me: to move on la! just try.
hafiz: don't want. i don't want to go out and spoil my chances with you.
me: but you cannot think of me when going out with her. if you go out with someone else means you don't want us anymore.
hafiz: ya la and i still want us what.
me: haiyooo. don't you want to touch other girls' boobs???
hafiz: WHAT?!
me: haha ya that's what you get if you go out with other girls! you get to touch their boobs! *pinches his chest*
hafiz: ouch oi! is thar what you do? go out with boys and let them touch your boobs?
me: YA!
hafiz: OI. who? tell me who now quick. i shall exterminate him.
me: *huge grin* ALL of them! we touch each others' boobs all day long!
hafiz: -_-
i can't remember much more. pictures now. cuz you know what they say. yadayada a thousand words. shoot.
i was thinking, maybe we can never look normal simultaneously. he's rolling his eyes. SO RUDE!
my best crook face. and here again, looking normal together = impossible theory is sustained.
theory collapses and crashes to the floor, breaking into a jillion sad pieces...
cuz *i* clearly, CAN look normal when i try. *smug*
i also realize, i am the one who looks normal at most times. HAH!
this photo was taken with an upside- down camera, much to the bemusement of fellow train passengers. didn't help that i went, say babiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
ok fine so HERE i look the weirdo. but hey. one- off.
normalcy? what normalcy?
GREAT SINGAPORE SALE! the belo one bought me a top from topshop. and he got himself two nice tops from topman; makeover buys. and i got beads for my room. new project, whee!
er, feet.
almost normal. and he looks cute (SHOOT ME. NOW.) here. don't tell him i said that.
he told me to take a picture of his ARMS. i'm serious. this boy boggles me.
we cross our feet! like big boss!
the belo one, looking, um, well. belo. and once and FOR ALL, belo means crazy. ditzy. mad. inter alia.
rudolf the rose- nosed reindeer.
lord of the ah bengs.
with this shot he proclaimed that i have run out of poses. and i told him noooo...
rock beb. after which he said, "i think this rock star dream of yours is getting to you."
tell me you didn't saw THAT coming?
yes you guessed it, i've went to catch madagascar, after weeks of anticipation. for all its hype, it sure wasn't as PHWOAR as i thought it would be. but yes, funny it was.
let's go meet the pansies!
before that was marche for lunch, a little shopping for the belo one. i've instant makeover- ised him. two new tops and walla. he's a changed man. almost didn't believe my eyes when he stepped out from the dressing room. i bet my face was like those family members of extreme- makeover- ised victims. he looked good enough to eat. ;)
then a rush back to cineleisure for our evening movie. fun fun fun. conversation snippets with the belo usually explains it all, so here goes.
me: (he's been taking mandarin classes so i take it upon myself to test him) what's wo pu yao ken ni hao?
hafiz: i don't want to be your friend.
me: what time is it? its chi ei tian? right?
hafiz: no la... its chee something... chee... chee... umm...
me: aiya cheebye la.
me: so you don't like him because...
hafiz: because he hit on you and went out with you.
me: like that only?!
hafiz: ya! you don't go out with your friend's girls or exes, that's just wrong.
me: so he's a bastard cuz of that? is the rule THAT strong?
hafiz: umm... i dunno la. cuz i also went out with you after imran. *sheepish*
me: HAH! EXACTLY! so you're a bastard too! like him! and since imran went out with me after hadi and he and di were friends, he's a bastard! the three of you are a trilogy of bastards!
me: eleh, eva mendes makan babi. pagi bangun makan babi, tengah hari makan babi, malam buta makan babi, hari- hari makan babi (morning wake up eat pork, in the afternoon eat pork, in the middle of the night eat pork, everyday eat pork). that's why you like her right? cuz she makan banyak babi (cuz she eat alot of pork).
hafiz: eh... what is this. you just insulted me.
me: where got? i am just saying. she eats alot of... you know. and you like her. so thereotically, you like her cuz she banyak makan babi (eat alot of pork).
me: you know lol, like laugh out loud? i'm lolling now.
hafiz: what the heck.
me: ya! lololololololol.
hafiz: haha stop it you sound crazy.
me: and if this was an msn conversation, i shall reply that with a roffle (ROFL). ROFFLE ROFFLE ROFFLE!
hafiz: oi are you okay or not? what nonsense.
me: oh! are you wateffing (WTF) me now?
hafiz: ok can you stop laughing like that. you're scaring people. wait people think you're on drugs.
me: OH! FINE! i will stop talking.
hafiz: no laa i'm just saying you sound like you're on drugs.. wait they call CNB how?
me: humph! i don't love you anymore, you hear? malas. tak kuasa. penat. penaaaaaat ah. (lazy. can't be bothered. tired. very tired.)
hafiz: *laughs*
me: did you hear me??? i don't love you anymore! penaaaat! malassss! (tired!!! lazy!!!)
me: *sings* don't call me babi.
hafiz: haha i'm sure that's not what they had in mind.
me: oh really? and how would you know? is sophie ellis bexter your neighbour?
hafiz: ya. bapak dia buncit isap gam (yes, her father is fat and sniffs glue).
me: huh?! what nonsense. her father's name is muhammad bexter bin...
hafiz: uhh...
me: abdul bexter bin abu burn!
hafiz: sofia ella...
me: sofia ella bakso! mee bakso!
hafiz: no la. muhammad bexter bin...
me: BANGSAT (this is a very crude malay word, no idea what it means)!
hafiz: ........
me: BRENGSEK (indonesian. for like, bloody hell. or something)!
hafiz: okay okay...
me: prengsekkkkkkk... sekkkkkkkkkkk... sekkkkkkkk...
hafiz: ok you do realize you are making weird noises now right.
me: i'll walk home la, from the train station.
hafiz: do you walk...
me: NO! I FLYYYY.
hafiz: *ignores* do you walk by the path or...
me: cuz, *sings* i believe i can flyyyyy...
hafiz: can you please listen? where do you walk? road or...
me: road.
hafiz: road? the one...
me: the one that leads to never never land.
hafiz: oi can you listen. which road? is it the one...
me: that's where sandman is... *sings* exit light... into night... take my handddd... off to never never land... *mimes guitar riffs*
hafiz: oh god. where you walk la?
me: oh the path la. along the police post.
hafiz: ok thank you. you finally answered me after like, 5 minutes of random singing.
me: HELLOOO WHERE GOT FIVE MINUTES CLEMENTI UNTIL JURONG EAST NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES HORRRR.
hafiz: :|
me: so loud eh? haha.
me: you should date other girls!
hafiz: for what?
me: to move on la! just try.
hafiz: don't want. i don't want to go out and spoil my chances with you.
me: but you cannot think of me when going out with her. if you go out with someone else means you don't want us anymore.
hafiz: ya la and i still want us what.
me: haiyooo. don't you want to touch other girls' boobs???
hafiz: WHAT?!
me: haha ya that's what you get if you go out with other girls! you get to touch their boobs! *pinches his chest*
hafiz: ouch oi! is thar what you do? go out with boys and let them touch your boobs?
me: YA!
hafiz: OI. who? tell me who now quick. i shall exterminate him.
me: *huge grin* ALL of them! we touch each others' boobs all day long!
hafiz: -_-
i can't remember much more. pictures now. cuz you know what they say. yadayada a thousand words. shoot.
i was thinking, maybe we can never look normal simultaneously. he's rolling his eyes. SO RUDE!
my best crook face. and here again, looking normal together = impossible theory is sustained.
theory collapses and crashes to the floor, breaking into a jillion sad pieces...
cuz *i* clearly, CAN look normal when i try. *smug*
i also realize, i am the one who looks normal at most times. HAH!
this photo was taken with an upside- down camera, much to the bemusement of fellow train passengers. didn't help that i went, say babiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
ok fine so HERE i look the weirdo. but hey. one- off.
normalcy? what normalcy?
GREAT SINGAPORE SALE! the belo one bought me a top from topshop. and he got himself two nice tops from topman; makeover buys. and i got beads for my room. new project, whee!
er, feet.
almost normal. and he looks cute (SHOOT ME. NOW.) here. don't tell him i said that.
he told me to take a picture of his ARMS. i'm serious. this boy boggles me.
we cross our feet! like big boss!
the belo one, looking, um, well. belo. and once and FOR ALL, belo means crazy. ditzy. mad. inter alia.
rudolf the rose- nosed reindeer.
lord of the ah bengs.
with this shot he proclaimed that i have run out of poses. and i told him noooo...
rock beb. after which he said, "i think this rock star dream of yours is getting to you."
tell me you didn't saw THAT coming?
"any girl who steals his heart would be fucking lucky."
but does he want his heart stolen? maybe why its not stolen is because... he doesn't want it stolen.
and if he already belongs to someone, if he has already stolen someone's heart, does it mean his was stolen too? what if its still there? and someone else steals it? is it anyone's fault really? he wanted her to steal his. if he hadn't wanted his heart stolen by his girl or any other girl, he wouldn't have left his heart in the open, for all to see.
having your heart stolen, like many other things in life, is an option.
and right now, all i want is for you to steal mine. but it'll be too much for you, isn't it? stealing so many hearts?
bahhhh. all this heart- robbery.
but does he want his heart stolen? maybe why its not stolen is because... he doesn't want it stolen.
and if he already belongs to someone, if he has already stolen someone's heart, does it mean his was stolen too? what if its still there? and someone else steals it? is it anyone's fault really? he wanted her to steal his. if he hadn't wanted his heart stolen by his girl or any other girl, he wouldn't have left his heart in the open, for all to see.
having your heart stolen, like many other things in life, is an option.
and right now, all i want is for you to steal mine. but it'll be too much for you, isn't it? stealing so many hearts?
bahhhh. all this heart- robbery.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
i knew it
worked on a hunch, turned out right. wish i wasn't. nothing turns me off more than attached men. i stay off attached men. period. dammit.
how much more bloody shortlived can it get?
just got back from a wedding. at some point of time while i was there i made that grand discovery. and i just felt sad. cuz i dunno. there is chemistry there. and as speculated, why did you hide what you hid? and though this should all make me get over you faster than i can say "panini," the reverse is true. am hoping beyond hope that its mutual. but then what? i don't know. there's still more time. i shall be a, for the first time ever, quiet secret admirer. wow!
i am getting very emotional and sensitive these days. i cried at the ending of Trading Spouses, the most ridiculous reality show ever (if you can ever call any reality show most ridiculous, cuz they ALL are), when the two exchanged wives meet and talk, when the traded spouse left her surrogate home, all la! huge fat lump then all teary- eyed.
and as known, weddings make me cry. not just because i think i will never have one (ha ha) but also cuz its such an emotional ceremony; two people embarking on a new journey altogether. scary, overwhelming and sometimes it takes all i have in me to not run up to the bride and groom screaming, "DON'T DO THIS!"
and of course, songs played at malay weddings are always very lovey- dovey and mat rocker. and some old ones makes me cry cuz like old 40+ women, old songs hold meanings for me, more so than these new ones.
they played this;
Wajahmu (your face)
Seindah serinya pelangi yang indah (as bright as the glowing rainbow)
Seharum mawar putih segar berkembang (as beautiful as a blooming white rose)
Wajahmu (your face)
Mengapa sering terbayang dimataku (why do i keep seeing it in my eyes)
Sehingga terbawa didalam mimpiku (till you enter my dreams)
Sayangku (my dear)
Tahukah kau didalam hatiku ini (do you know deep in my heart)
Tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci (i'm keeping a love so pure)
Kau bunga (you're a flower)
Ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku (that i would like to pluck and make mine)
Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku (and then eternally capture you in my heart)
Sayangnya (unfortunately)
Harapan yang selama ini kubawa (all the hope that i brought with me)
Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya (was destroyed and killed in the end)
Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi (its all like a bad dream now)
Kau pergi jua (you still left)
Setelah cinta ku kini membara (only after my love started burning)
Belum sempat kucurahkan kasihku (i never had the chance to shower you my love)
Kau pergi tak kembali... (you left and never returned)
Adam Ahmad; Kau Pergi Jua
and i CRIED! smack in the middle of the wedding! the song just started and the tears fell. few saw me but the few who did must have thought i was such an emotional basketcase, which won't be far from the truth.
i don't really know for sure why i cried, i knew it was a sad song, i was feeling pretty low, hence the waterworks. and i don't know what is worse, that i wasn't crying for the discovery of his status, or that i was crying for nothing at all. are these symptoms to pure, unadulterated madness? or maybe its too late. heh.
then after that i wrote a song. a creed- ish song, as requested by man. :) and i got pleasantly distracted by a vision of heaven who was working with catering company. thick brows, jet black hair, sinewy arms, goatee. oh likey likey.
then me and sara and hana got on a impressive exchange of text messages. where i concluded that i shall like him if i really can't stop, but make sure no one finds out. so secret admirer, so secondary school. hah.
i knew you were too good to be true, too normal. and of course, someone got to you before i did. should i start kicking myself now for a past i never knew i was part of?
shame on me, for being such a terrible person. but for once, i will try hoping. that someday somehow, things turn out good. if not then the better one would be there waiting for me i know. for sure. :)
and of course, post- malay- wedding, i go into malay 80s rocker mode. here's one.
Haruskah ku terus melayani perasaan (should i continue feeling like this)
Meski pun ku tahu itu hanyalah khayalan (even though i know its all just a dream)
Cintaku padamu haruskah aku teruskan (my love for you should it go on)
Kerana ku tahu dirimu sudah berteman (even though i know you belong to someone else)
Rio; Layu di Hujung Mekar
hah. apt. ROCK BEB.
worked on a hunch, turned out right. wish i wasn't. nothing turns me off more than attached men. i stay off attached men. period. dammit.
how much more bloody shortlived can it get?
just got back from a wedding. at some point of time while i was there i made that grand discovery. and i just felt sad. cuz i dunno. there is chemistry there. and as speculated, why did you hide what you hid? and though this should all make me get over you faster than i can say "panini," the reverse is true. am hoping beyond hope that its mutual. but then what? i don't know. there's still more time. i shall be a, for the first time ever, quiet secret admirer. wow!
i am getting very emotional and sensitive these days. i cried at the ending of Trading Spouses, the most ridiculous reality show ever (if you can ever call any reality show most ridiculous, cuz they ALL are), when the two exchanged wives meet and talk, when the traded spouse left her surrogate home, all la! huge fat lump then all teary- eyed.
and as known, weddings make me cry. not just because i think i will never have one (ha ha) but also cuz its such an emotional ceremony; two people embarking on a new journey altogether. scary, overwhelming and sometimes it takes all i have in me to not run up to the bride and groom screaming, "DON'T DO THIS!"
and of course, songs played at malay weddings are always very lovey- dovey and mat rocker. and some old ones makes me cry cuz like old 40+ women, old songs hold meanings for me, more so than these new ones.
they played this;
Wajahmu (your face)
Seindah serinya pelangi yang indah (as bright as the glowing rainbow)
Seharum mawar putih segar berkembang (as beautiful as a blooming white rose)
Wajahmu (your face)
Mengapa sering terbayang dimataku (why do i keep seeing it in my eyes)
Sehingga terbawa didalam mimpiku (till you enter my dreams)
Sayangku (my dear)
Tahukah kau didalam hatiku ini (do you know deep in my heart)
Tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci (i'm keeping a love so pure)
Kau bunga (you're a flower)
Ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku (that i would like to pluck and make mine)
Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku (and then eternally capture you in my heart)
Sayangnya (unfortunately)
Harapan yang selama ini kubawa (all the hope that i brought with me)
Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya (was destroyed and killed in the end)
Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi (its all like a bad dream now)
Kau pergi jua (you still left)
Setelah cinta ku kini membara (only after my love started burning)
Belum sempat kucurahkan kasihku (i never had the chance to shower you my love)
Kau pergi tak kembali... (you left and never returned)
Adam Ahmad; Kau Pergi Jua
and i CRIED! smack in the middle of the wedding! the song just started and the tears fell. few saw me but the few who did must have thought i was such an emotional basketcase, which won't be far from the truth.
i don't really know for sure why i cried, i knew it was a sad song, i was feeling pretty low, hence the waterworks. and i don't know what is worse, that i wasn't crying for the discovery of his status, or that i was crying for nothing at all. are these symptoms to pure, unadulterated madness? or maybe its too late. heh.
then after that i wrote a song. a creed- ish song, as requested by man. :) and i got pleasantly distracted by a vision of heaven who was working with catering company. thick brows, jet black hair, sinewy arms, goatee. oh likey likey.
then me and sara and hana got on a impressive exchange of text messages. where i concluded that i shall like him if i really can't stop, but make sure no one finds out. so secret admirer, so secondary school. hah.
i knew you were too good to be true, too normal. and of course, someone got to you before i did. should i start kicking myself now for a past i never knew i was part of?
shame on me, for being such a terrible person. but for once, i will try hoping. that someday somehow, things turn out good. if not then the better one would be there waiting for me i know. for sure. :)
and of course, post- malay- wedding, i go into malay 80s rocker mode. here's one.
Haruskah ku terus melayani perasaan (should i continue feeling like this)
Meski pun ku tahu itu hanyalah khayalan (even though i know its all just a dream)
Cintaku padamu haruskah aku teruskan (my love for you should it go on)
Kerana ku tahu dirimu sudah berteman (even though i know you belong to someone else)
Rio; Layu di Hujung Mekar
hah. apt. ROCK BEB.
i'm trying!!
the obssesiveness of a new crush. i almost forgot.
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
Blink182; I'm Lost Without You
every conscious moment consist of replaying his gestures and looks. the tiny smile, the little peeps, the shared laughter. holy macaroni. i'm in this aren't i.
its his voice. all raspy and boyish at the same time. its the things he say. of things boys usually do, of normalcy, of realness. its the smile. when we catch each others' eyes and grin simultaneously. its the way he does what he does. the way he talked to me. the way we just... clicked. like everything falls in place and i know if the ride never ended i could have gone on and on talking to you and you, the same. how conversation flowed so easily for two supposed strangers. and i can't help hope that me looking familiar to you is a good sign. i can't wait to see you again, hear you again.
its secondary school days all over again.
I swear that I can go on forever again
only twice. two days. two days separated by a week. and the third day? in another week. but oh the anticipation. how i look forward. and i really actually enjoy stealing looks. the thrill of getting caught or better, the thrill of catching you in the same act and smiling foolishly at each other.
oh the bliss of crushes.
now i know how ugly my past crushes turned out to be (am not referring to the way they looked) but i promise to handle this one with more care cuz there's more at stake here. i want this to remain in control and if it goes further, i want it to work out. cannot spoilt the one thing that introduced me to you, which is far more important to me now, than you or love or boys. but for now it is just such joy to recall the day and the looks the grins the eye contact the conversation the everything!
i so miss having a crush on a normal person. hahaha. that's the very attractive thing about you. your normalcy. no pretenses. you do bad stuff, you do good stuff. you're far from perfect. and you are entirely new (well except for our insistence that we both look familiar to each other). i can just be who i want to be with you. no need to stick with old stigmas. i can't wait to get to know you. really. who cares what i find out. i learnt that i should know the person before letting anything get to my head. so crush is all there is. till this dies or grows, its going to be a fun ride. i just know it.
and you're making me listen to stupid songs. darn you. heh.
the obssesiveness of a new crush. i almost forgot.
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
Blink182; I'm Lost Without You
every conscious moment consist of replaying his gestures and looks. the tiny smile, the little peeps, the shared laughter. holy macaroni. i'm in this aren't i.
its his voice. all raspy and boyish at the same time. its the things he say. of things boys usually do, of normalcy, of realness. its the smile. when we catch each others' eyes and grin simultaneously. its the way he does what he does. the way he talked to me. the way we just... clicked. like everything falls in place and i know if the ride never ended i could have gone on and on talking to you and you, the same. how conversation flowed so easily for two supposed strangers. and i can't help hope that me looking familiar to you is a good sign. i can't wait to see you again, hear you again.
its secondary school days all over again.
I swear that I can go on forever again
only twice. two days. two days separated by a week. and the third day? in another week. but oh the anticipation. how i look forward. and i really actually enjoy stealing looks. the thrill of getting caught or better, the thrill of catching you in the same act and smiling foolishly at each other.
oh the bliss of crushes.
now i know how ugly my past crushes turned out to be (am not referring to the way they looked) but i promise to handle this one with more care cuz there's more at stake here. i want this to remain in control and if it goes further, i want it to work out. cannot spoilt the one thing that introduced me to you, which is far more important to me now, than you or love or boys. but for now it is just such joy to recall the day and the looks the grins the eye contact the conversation the everything!
i so miss having a crush on a normal person. hahaha. that's the very attractive thing about you. your normalcy. no pretenses. you do bad stuff, you do good stuff. you're far from perfect. and you are entirely new (well except for our insistence that we both look familiar to each other). i can just be who i want to be with you. no need to stick with old stigmas. i can't wait to get to know you. really. who cares what i find out. i learnt that i should know the person before letting anything get to my head. so crush is all there is. till this dies or grows, its going to be a fun ride. i just know it.
and you're making me listen to stupid songs. darn you. heh.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
not again
there's a crush in the making. or some would say, already made. well i can't help it la! so cute. and sweet. and cheerful. and happy. and smiley. and normal. so real. gaaaaaaah.
as luck would have it, at 4 a.m. i went on a re- hunt for food. and being in THAT mental state at THAT hour, i dropped a whole bottle of Del Monte ketchup which SMASHED TO SMITHERINS (ala nutella when i was 5) and glass shards got stuck to my shin and ankle areas. OUCH.
so after i was done picking glass shards of my feet, small teeny cuts, none too deep but they were very sensitive areas, i was wiping off tomato ketchup from the floor, and when i was halfway done i almost ran up to my room and took a picture of the floor (i didn't) cuz all that spilled tomato ketchup looked like blood. if someone had entered the kitchen at that point of time, they would have called the cops and reported homicide.
anyway this clearly rules out camp training cuz i wasn't up to being all active and rah- rah with such feet. hence decision was made. i realized it was probably divine intervention, to end my mindless mental monologue leading to nowhere but gosh, i wonder if it could have been a little more subtle.
hence i ended up at velvet joint with my band who still have no name. am considering suggesting the whoo hoos but its not rock enough la. its more beatles than creed and we're more creed than beatles so, no whoo hoos. and i am like the unofficial songwriter there already, considering the 2 songs i wrote in a night last night. :) cool with me.
okay to avoid further confusion, here's the lowdown on the band that i am most likely sticking with and hopefully going pretty far with, in musical and friendship terms. there's sulaiman; group leader, 25 years old, lead vocalist, super rocker, personal trainer at gym. then tulang/ bones a.k.a sazali; drummer, 28 years old, always in singlets, freelancer. amin; 26 (?) years old, soon- to- be- student, debt collector, lead guitarist, tall. wan; 24 (?) years old, bassist, post- ns, adidas sneakers. nisa/ cheetah; 21 years old, groupie/ back- up vocals, entertainer, front desk officer, baby of the group.
ok there. the band i feel most happy and comfy with. here's to the future.
so jammed with them, sang hotel california which i am still raving about cuz we sounded so damn good (if i may say so myself) and till now i remain stoked over this. then lunched at tekka. lotsa laughs. :) then tulang went off and me, nisa, man and amin got a free ride from wan who was driving. he dropped the rest at bugis, and drove me down to city hall. :)) wan is a nice boy. hahaha.
mmm ok then wandered around raffles, deemed myself incapable of window shopping cuz i was too busy grinning to myself and being a public menace with my psychotic tendencies, i decided to seat myself near raffles station and write some lyrics. then hana came. got some drinks from 7- 11 and headed to esplanade for a lepak session and a chat. many interesting people today. and i was wearing blue. which hence made a man in a g- string with a bun on the side of his head and a sharp rip van winkle goatee whose entire body was painted BLUE mimed to me how we match and we should walk together or something like that la. oh my life.
then we walked to sofra @ shaw building. good turkish food and cute waiter who will snort at you! REALLY! before that walked past body shop which hana insisted on entering and so we did, to say hi to hakim who was walking there. don't think he heard a word i said, besides nipple stickers. don't ask me WHY i was talking about that.
sofra was good. :D waiter was cute. RHYMES!
walking back had to walk past wismangan. oh be still my heart! -_- he wasn't there but i kept my head low anyway. by the time i'm 25 there's no way i can walk in singapore without bumping into a guy from my colourful past.
took train from bugis to admiralty. gotta say, a saturday is a good day to spot weirdos. me and hana spotted so many i lost count. lots of laughs. lots of gushing. bout' the crush. i like crushes. but mine have a knack for turning ugly. hope this one turns out fine. like, crush, then gone. touch and go, ya know? besides i barely know the guy and have only seen him twice. so yeah. a healthy crush is allowed, no?
hana came over to get her sock (I KNOW SO SCANDALOUS LOR! LUCKY SOCK IF BRA HOW?!), postcards from ikea and uhh, the lost and never found beauty and the beast dvd. tell your kid brother am getting him a new one if i can't find it so chilling milling.
ok just some points to note (for self and general public i guess):
- if you go by esplanade, be sure to keep a look- out for body painted people in g- strings and boob tubes. the yellow man is particularly freaky, with those eyes, and has HUGE BALLS (like seriously distracting, it was the only thing that made me stop talking about my crush and what kind of options is that?! a) huge balls or b) your crush. sheesh!). like i told hana, it was a whole snooker ball in there, or at least manggis a.k.a. mangosteen. huge- ass. really. shikes.
- do NOT keep your sideburn so long that it reaches the end of your mouth. and then keep the hair on your head long and all spiked up. cuz you look like Wolverine from X- Men in a not good way or a beruang/ bear. and if this said guy is your boyfriend, don't stare at the girl who just exclaimed he looked like a beruang/ bear cuz well, he really does and its your responsibility as lover of said beruang to ensure he doesn't look like an animal or a mutant when he leaves his house.
- no matter what era of rock the rock concert you're going for is from, its best to dress according to current times. in fact its not so much the dressing. big curly hair ala amy search is no longer in since the 90s and long thinning black hair layered with black jeans torn at the knees and big black (fake) rayban shades is so... 80s. TOO 80s, i mean.
- if you're standing in front of me, in the exact direction of my view when i keep my head straight, do not accuse me of staring. especially if you know i wasn't staring but you were just self- conscious about your overt intimacy with your boyfriend that was grossing others out. and don't try to accuse me of eyeing your boyfriend's oh- so- gorgeous back cuz honestly, a donkey's arse might have looked more appealing. i am so not envious of the way your two bodies entagled into a mesh of limbs deeming future physical activity impossible. nor, are the rest of the passengers on the PUBLIC TRANSPORT. you hear? PUBLIC TRANSPORT. so whatever your actions are??? VIEWED BY THE PUBLIC. OHH YOU EXHIBITIONIST YOU!
ok la tired. want to go write some more songs, dream about my crush, start my doodlemania (which i won't upload this time) and have some nutella sandwich.
fiza; who will one day emulate gandhi and fight with shit, not weapons. such peace- loving riots. only natural resources allowed; i.e. your pee, or in case the shit disgust you into puking, that too can be used as threatening device. we will not hurt you. we will not shoot you. we will just throw you shit.
MAKE SHIT NOT WAR!
there's a crush in the making. or some would say, already made. well i can't help it la! so cute. and sweet. and cheerful. and happy. and smiley. and normal. so real. gaaaaaaah.
as luck would have it, at 4 a.m. i went on a re- hunt for food. and being in THAT mental state at THAT hour, i dropped a whole bottle of Del Monte ketchup which SMASHED TO SMITHERINS (ala nutella when i was 5) and glass shards got stuck to my shin and ankle areas. OUCH.
so after i was done picking glass shards of my feet, small teeny cuts, none too deep but they were very sensitive areas, i was wiping off tomato ketchup from the floor, and when i was halfway done i almost ran up to my room and took a picture of the floor (i didn't) cuz all that spilled tomato ketchup looked like blood. if someone had entered the kitchen at that point of time, they would have called the cops and reported homicide.
anyway this clearly rules out camp training cuz i wasn't up to being all active and rah- rah with such feet. hence decision was made. i realized it was probably divine intervention, to end my mindless mental monologue leading to nowhere but gosh, i wonder if it could have been a little more subtle.
hence i ended up at velvet joint with my band who still have no name. am considering suggesting the whoo hoos but its not rock enough la. its more beatles than creed and we're more creed than beatles so, no whoo hoos. and i am like the unofficial songwriter there already, considering the 2 songs i wrote in a night last night. :) cool with me.
okay to avoid further confusion, here's the lowdown on the band that i am most likely sticking with and hopefully going pretty far with, in musical and friendship terms. there's sulaiman; group leader, 25 years old, lead vocalist, super rocker, personal trainer at gym. then tulang/ bones a.k.a sazali; drummer, 28 years old, always in singlets, freelancer. amin; 26 (?) years old, soon- to- be- student, debt collector, lead guitarist, tall. wan; 24 (?) years old, bassist, post- ns, adidas sneakers. nisa/ cheetah; 21 years old, groupie/ back- up vocals, entertainer, front desk officer, baby of the group.
ok there. the band i feel most happy and comfy with. here's to the future.
so jammed with them, sang hotel california which i am still raving about cuz we sounded so damn good (if i may say so myself) and till now i remain stoked over this. then lunched at tekka. lotsa laughs. :) then tulang went off and me, nisa, man and amin got a free ride from wan who was driving. he dropped the rest at bugis, and drove me down to city hall. :)) wan is a nice boy. hahaha.
mmm ok then wandered around raffles, deemed myself incapable of window shopping cuz i was too busy grinning to myself and being a public menace with my psychotic tendencies, i decided to seat myself near raffles station and write some lyrics. then hana came. got some drinks from 7- 11 and headed to esplanade for a lepak session and a chat. many interesting people today. and i was wearing blue. which hence made a man in a g- string with a bun on the side of his head and a sharp rip van winkle goatee whose entire body was painted BLUE mimed to me how we match and we should walk together or something like that la. oh my life.
then we walked to sofra @ shaw building. good turkish food and cute waiter who will snort at you! REALLY! before that walked past body shop which hana insisted on entering and so we did, to say hi to hakim who was walking there. don't think he heard a word i said, besides nipple stickers. don't ask me WHY i was talking about that.
sofra was good. :D waiter was cute. RHYMES!
walking back had to walk past wismangan. oh be still my heart! -_- he wasn't there but i kept my head low anyway. by the time i'm 25 there's no way i can walk in singapore without bumping into a guy from my colourful past.
took train from bugis to admiralty. gotta say, a saturday is a good day to spot weirdos. me and hana spotted so many i lost count. lots of laughs. lots of gushing. bout' the crush. i like crushes. but mine have a knack for turning ugly. hope this one turns out fine. like, crush, then gone. touch and go, ya know? besides i barely know the guy and have only seen him twice. so yeah. a healthy crush is allowed, no?
hana came over to get her sock (I KNOW SO SCANDALOUS LOR! LUCKY SOCK IF BRA HOW?!), postcards from ikea and uhh, the lost and never found beauty and the beast dvd. tell your kid brother am getting him a new one if i can't find it so chilling milling.
ok just some points to note (for self and general public i guess):
- if you go by esplanade, be sure to keep a look- out for body painted people in g- strings and boob tubes. the yellow man is particularly freaky, with those eyes, and has HUGE BALLS (like seriously distracting, it was the only thing that made me stop talking about my crush and what kind of options is that?! a) huge balls or b) your crush. sheesh!). like i told hana, it was a whole snooker ball in there, or at least manggis a.k.a. mangosteen. huge- ass. really. shikes.
- do NOT keep your sideburn so long that it reaches the end of your mouth. and then keep the hair on your head long and all spiked up. cuz you look like Wolverine from X- Men in a not good way or a beruang/ bear. and if this said guy is your boyfriend, don't stare at the girl who just exclaimed he looked like a beruang/ bear cuz well, he really does and its your responsibility as lover of said beruang to ensure he doesn't look like an animal or a mutant when he leaves his house.
- no matter what era of rock the rock concert you're going for is from, its best to dress according to current times. in fact its not so much the dressing. big curly hair ala amy search is no longer in since the 90s and long thinning black hair layered with black jeans torn at the knees and big black (fake) rayban shades is so... 80s. TOO 80s, i mean.
- if you're standing in front of me, in the exact direction of my view when i keep my head straight, do not accuse me of staring. especially if you know i wasn't staring but you were just self- conscious about your overt intimacy with your boyfriend that was grossing others out. and don't try to accuse me of eyeing your boyfriend's oh- so- gorgeous back cuz honestly, a donkey's arse might have looked more appealing. i am so not envious of the way your two bodies entagled into a mesh of limbs deeming future physical activity impossible. nor, are the rest of the passengers on the PUBLIC TRANSPORT. you hear? PUBLIC TRANSPORT. so whatever your actions are??? VIEWED BY THE PUBLIC. OHH YOU EXHIBITIONIST YOU!
ok la tired. want to go write some more songs, dream about my crush, start my doodlemania (which i won't upload this time) and have some nutella sandwich.
fiza; who will one day emulate gandhi and fight with shit, not weapons. such peace- loving riots. only natural resources allowed; i.e. your pee, or in case the shit disgust you into puking, that too can be used as threatening device. we will not hurt you. we will not shoot you. we will just throw you shit.
MAKE SHIT NOT WAR!
midnight crisis
i'm trying to SLEEP cuz tomorrow i have this camp training thing at ite ang mo kio at like, 8.30 a.m. and due to this training too i am missing out on my band jamming session from 11- 1 p.m. i don't believe it. they finally come up with a reasonable time and i had to have this camp training. which is at 8.30 a.m. meaning i have to wake up at like, 6.30 a.m. or 7, at least. and i can'tgotosleep!!!!
then when i can't fall asleep i wonder about the probabilities of me getting the camp job through tomorrow's training session. what if they need really entusiastic, hyper- crazy cheerleader- ish girls, which i'm so not! so wham. CRISIS.
if i do get the job, i get $200 for a 3 day camp. good shit, no? and if i do get the job and the moolah and all that, i don't think i would give two hoots about missing my band's jamming session cuz hell, i am rich!
but if i don't get it and i spend a good 9 hours of my saturday doing something that will lead me to nowhere and at the same time prove me unavailable for a jam session with my band, i will feel like shit.
then i decide okay if i can't wake up for training i'll just go jamming. see? solved. BUT i also know having said this i am mentally compromising myself cuz i know i am able to wake up early if i really put my heart to it. but by telling myself its okay to miss it at least i can go jamming, i've immediately given myself reason to not wake up early.
then i wonder do i really need the money? then i realize training might even be fun! i might meet new people, learn new things. then i wonder if i don't get enough sleep will i even be up to it. will i be cheerful enough? and this is quite longterm if i do okay at the training my name will be listed in future camp facilitators. doesn't that mean insta- job i.e. insta- cash? then i wonder if its possible to walk out at like, 10 a.m. if i deem myself "cannot make it" so might as well go jam. can or not? just walk out once its pretty obvious i won't cut it? then i think, wah lao this kind of things shouldn't be allowed thought at this hour. ARGH.
then hafiz the belo one crosses my mind and i pause on this mental monologue and smile to myself.
then i go back to mental ranting, deem it pointless, switch on my laptop and ended up here.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i hate my mind. i really do. its out to get me i tell you.
ok i went to the kitchen, couldn't find food. that makes me more upset than ever.
i realize this is a question of priorities and interest. well my priority is MONEY, like every other fool in singapore. at the same time, i miss my bandmates. and jamming will definitely be more fun. and is all this mental crisis worth $200? would i use it wisely or would i just waste it on another topshop top or x:odus heels? see.
but shopping brings me joy. but HAIYA. i already got 4 students am i that desperate for money? ok not really a little but who says no to money? hmm. only when in the face of missing out on fun. but training could be fun too, as i've earlier speculated.
wah holy fuck i think i will go on until 7.30 a.m. and still not decide. this is my worst decision- making thought process ever.
i'm trying to SLEEP cuz tomorrow i have this camp training thing at ite ang mo kio at like, 8.30 a.m. and due to this training too i am missing out on my band jamming session from 11- 1 p.m. i don't believe it. they finally come up with a reasonable time and i had to have this camp training. which is at 8.30 a.m. meaning i have to wake up at like, 6.30 a.m. or 7, at least. and i can'tgotosleep!!!!
then when i can't fall asleep i wonder about the probabilities of me getting the camp job through tomorrow's training session. what if they need really entusiastic, hyper- crazy cheerleader- ish girls, which i'm so not! so wham. CRISIS.
if i do get the job, i get $200 for a 3 day camp. good shit, no? and if i do get the job and the moolah and all that, i don't think i would give two hoots about missing my band's jamming session cuz hell, i am rich!
but if i don't get it and i spend a good 9 hours of my saturday doing something that will lead me to nowhere and at the same time prove me unavailable for a jam session with my band, i will feel like shit.
then i decide okay if i can't wake up for training i'll just go jamming. see? solved. BUT i also know having said this i am mentally compromising myself cuz i know i am able to wake up early if i really put my heart to it. but by telling myself its okay to miss it at least i can go jamming, i've immediately given myself reason to not wake up early.
then i wonder do i really need the money? then i realize training might even be fun! i might meet new people, learn new things. then i wonder if i don't get enough sleep will i even be up to it. will i be cheerful enough? and this is quite longterm if i do okay at the training my name will be listed in future camp facilitators. doesn't that mean insta- job i.e. insta- cash? then i wonder if its possible to walk out at like, 10 a.m. if i deem myself "cannot make it" so might as well go jam. can or not? just walk out once its pretty obvious i won't cut it? then i think, wah lao this kind of things shouldn't be allowed thought at this hour. ARGH.
then hafiz the belo one crosses my mind and i pause on this mental monologue and smile to myself.
then i go back to mental ranting, deem it pointless, switch on my laptop and ended up here.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i hate my mind. i really do. its out to get me i tell you.
ok i went to the kitchen, couldn't find food. that makes me more upset than ever.
i realize this is a question of priorities and interest. well my priority is MONEY, like every other fool in singapore. at the same time, i miss my bandmates. and jamming will definitely be more fun. and is all this mental crisis worth $200? would i use it wisely or would i just waste it on another topshop top or x:odus heels? see.
but shopping brings me joy. but HAIYA. i already got 4 students am i that desperate for money? ok not really a little but who says no to money? hmm. only when in the face of missing out on fun. but training could be fun too, as i've earlier speculated.
wah holy fuck i think i will go on until 7.30 a.m. and still not decide. this is my worst decision- making thought process ever.
Friday, June 10, 2005
meme bome remeh temeh
i've been tagged! by who else but mr. moo. but i shall do it cuz this time round, i plan to make others suffer as well. mwahaha.
Name 5 things you miss about your childhood
1. my father.
i think this one goes without saying la. especially if you refer to childhood as 1- 12 years old. cuz my father passed away on 1st jan 1998, the year i turned 13. so as far as childhood goes, he is the biggest part of it. i miss how he used to tell me ghost stories from his village days (ayah was a malaysian before migrating here) and how he used to put exercise book in his shorts if he knew he was in for a caning from grandfather. also miss watching wrestling with him. we both loved shawn michaels and bret hart. his brother, owen hart, is the guy who died in a freak wrestling accident. miss him driving us around. remember once on a friday night, he fetched us from home, drove us somewhere for dinner, decided to head to johore, then decided to go ayer hitam, and finally ended up in kuala lumpur then my uncle's place in bentong, pahang. with no luggage. hehe. so ya. miss those days.
2. simplicity.
i think one of the things i was never aware of at that age and have come to a sad realization to now is that life then was very very simple. tears could be wiped and tantrums could be soothed with ice- cream. nowadays wounds cut deeper, anger leads to real hatred, and tears are seared onto your skin, like acid burns.
3. the GOOD cartoons!
no offence to kids central and all that, i mean you guys are fine, but damn i miss those good old days! ninja turtles were much cooler then. and power rangers. tom and jerry were showed everyday. i even had videotapes of them (yeah the good ol' days of VCR). oh and the malaysian channel used to play very good doraemon episodes. till now i cannot reconcile the new english- speaking manboy voice of the new nobita with the squeaky, jap- sounding malay- speaking nobita of my days. and they never had freaky tellytubbies. i think this fact alone will be the deciding factor why gen- Y is so different from gen- X. or something like that la. ohoh and i was a he- uuuge strawberry shortcake fan.
4. tidbits.
there was always one mama shop or apek shop that was like a candy megamall. and honestly, they don't make those sugar biscuits like they used to. you know, round button- like biscuit with colourful icing on it? i used to bite off the icing first, suck it a little, then quickly put in the rest of the biscuit cuz i didn't want to finish all the sugar and be left with nothing to sweeten the biscuit. you know, kinda like to balance off my tastebuds. i was always a weird kid. nowadays they sell it in packets, like by tong garden or some other mass producing biscuit company. and they always had TORA, this box with chocolate balls so fuggin' oily and it taste like shite but they had these toys in them that were always like so damn fun. and their advertisements were damn good. the toys change every fortnight or so, and on tv you see this man going, "TORA datang lagi dengan mainan (tora is back again with their new toy)..... *chorus of happy excitable kids, who come to think of it were prolly high on drugs* KIPAS TERBANG (flying fan)!!!" or something like that. it was always damn cool to own a TORA toy. and i loved those chewing gum in the shape of cigarettes. hehe. and bird eggs! colourful bird eggs- shaped sweets. darn.
5. eating nutella from the jar.
i really did this. all the time. i was a terminally huge nutella fan. now i guess my taste buds matured and can't take such massive sugar and chocolate invasion anymore. back then i used to stick my finger in the jar and lick away. i remember once while i was happily doing this i was standing up, and i somehow lost grip of the jar and it dropped and smashed into smitherins on the floor. and my face just kinda crumpled and i felt for the first time in my young life then, SAD. like really sad. and to this day when something breaks or i drop cookies into the sea (example, not true incidents) and such, i will feel really really sad. i just cannot, cannot, cannot see anything go to waste. if i drop a bottle of perfume, i will quickly sweep it away. even if it wasn't my favourite scent or i never used it before, just seeing it on the floor smashed saddens me. and even if you get me a new bottle of the exact perfume, like my parents bought me a new bottle of nutella after i smashed that one (they didn't scold me for wasting food, i think they could see i was terminally depressed already), it won't be the same. cuz i know somewhere out there lies nutella with bits of glasses in it, never to have been eaten.
wah so long.
i remember last year explaining this to someone. its about fulfilling the life of the said item. say nutella. it was created to be eaten. if you drop it, get bits of glasses in it and it is never eaten and just thrown away, the nutella dies never having lived a fulfilling life. don't give my flak about nutella not being a living thing. i know the theory sounds whacked but that's how i really feel okay?! same goes for any other thing. perfumes were made to be used, sprayed on you, not lying in a sad puddle on your bedroom floor. and cookies. and fries. and rice. all meant to end in your stomach, digestive system and some day at some point of time, the toilet bowl, amongst other things. but never never rotten or soaked or stepped on and lying alone in a rubbish bin. it is our dued responsibility as humans to ensure all these items live their fulfilling lifes, and give them the ending that suits their purpose, their reason for existing.
as i went on i felt more and more of my friends drifting away from me. i am not mad la! *indignant*
so tag time! oh no wait. first there was some rule.
Remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog's name in the #5 spot, like so:
ok i shall tag people whom i am actually interested in knowing about their childhood. and those not tagged no worries, its not cuz i don't care what you miss about your childhood, i just think you probably wouldn't do this. so hana, diana,dizzie (your blog needs updating anyway!), naz and sal, YOUUUUUUUUUUU'RE IT!
oh and coincidentally, i was eating nutella sandwiches today. here's shots from my "childhood".
cartoons and nutella. i was really reliving my childhood this lovely afternoon.
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
Michael Jackson; Childhood
apt, no?
why although i miss my childhood, now isn't so bad too.
i've been tagged! by who else but mr. moo. but i shall do it cuz this time round, i plan to make others suffer as well. mwahaha.
Name 5 things you miss about your childhood
1. my father.
i think this one goes without saying la. especially if you refer to childhood as 1- 12 years old. cuz my father passed away on 1st jan 1998, the year i turned 13. so as far as childhood goes, he is the biggest part of it. i miss how he used to tell me ghost stories from his village days (ayah was a malaysian before migrating here) and how he used to put exercise book in his shorts if he knew he was in for a caning from grandfather. also miss watching wrestling with him. we both loved shawn michaels and bret hart. his brother, owen hart, is the guy who died in a freak wrestling accident. miss him driving us around. remember once on a friday night, he fetched us from home, drove us somewhere for dinner, decided to head to johore, then decided to go ayer hitam, and finally ended up in kuala lumpur then my uncle's place in bentong, pahang. with no luggage. hehe. so ya. miss those days.
2. simplicity.
i think one of the things i was never aware of at that age and have come to a sad realization to now is that life then was very very simple. tears could be wiped and tantrums could be soothed with ice- cream. nowadays wounds cut deeper, anger leads to real hatred, and tears are seared onto your skin, like acid burns.
3. the GOOD cartoons!
no offence to kids central and all that, i mean you guys are fine, but damn i miss those good old days! ninja turtles were much cooler then. and power rangers. tom and jerry were showed everyday. i even had videotapes of them (yeah the good ol' days of VCR). oh and the malaysian channel used to play very good doraemon episodes. till now i cannot reconcile the new english- speaking manboy voice of the new nobita with the squeaky, jap- sounding malay- speaking nobita of my days. and they never had freaky tellytubbies. i think this fact alone will be the deciding factor why gen- Y is so different from gen- X. or something like that la. ohoh and i was a he- uuuge strawberry shortcake fan.
4. tidbits.
there was always one mama shop or apek shop that was like a candy megamall. and honestly, they don't make those sugar biscuits like they used to. you know, round button- like biscuit with colourful icing on it? i used to bite off the icing first, suck it a little, then quickly put in the rest of the biscuit cuz i didn't want to finish all the sugar and be left with nothing to sweeten the biscuit. you know, kinda like to balance off my tastebuds. i was always a weird kid. nowadays they sell it in packets, like by tong garden or some other mass producing biscuit company. and they always had TORA, this box with chocolate balls so fuggin' oily and it taste like shite but they had these toys in them that were always like so damn fun. and their advertisements were damn good. the toys change every fortnight or so, and on tv you see this man going, "TORA datang lagi dengan mainan (tora is back again with their new toy)..... *chorus of happy excitable kids, who come to think of it were prolly high on drugs* KIPAS TERBANG (flying fan)!!!" or something like that. it was always damn cool to own a TORA toy. and i loved those chewing gum in the shape of cigarettes. hehe. and bird eggs! colourful bird eggs- shaped sweets. darn.
5. eating nutella from the jar.
i really did this. all the time. i was a terminally huge nutella fan. now i guess my taste buds matured and can't take such massive sugar and chocolate invasion anymore. back then i used to stick my finger in the jar and lick away. i remember once while i was happily doing this i was standing up, and i somehow lost grip of the jar and it dropped and smashed into smitherins on the floor. and my face just kinda crumpled and i felt for the first time in my young life then, SAD. like really sad. and to this day when something breaks or i drop cookies into the sea (example, not true incidents) and such, i will feel really really sad. i just cannot, cannot, cannot see anything go to waste. if i drop a bottle of perfume, i will quickly sweep it away. even if it wasn't my favourite scent or i never used it before, just seeing it on the floor smashed saddens me. and even if you get me a new bottle of the exact perfume, like my parents bought me a new bottle of nutella after i smashed that one (they didn't scold me for wasting food, i think they could see i was terminally depressed already), it won't be the same. cuz i know somewhere out there lies nutella with bits of glasses in it, never to have been eaten.
wah so long.
i remember last year explaining this to someone. its about fulfilling the life of the said item. say nutella. it was created to be eaten. if you drop it, get bits of glasses in it and it is never eaten and just thrown away, the nutella dies never having lived a fulfilling life. don't give my flak about nutella not being a living thing. i know the theory sounds whacked but that's how i really feel okay?! same goes for any other thing. perfumes were made to be used, sprayed on you, not lying in a sad puddle on your bedroom floor. and cookies. and fries. and rice. all meant to end in your stomach, digestive system and some day at some point of time, the toilet bowl, amongst other things. but never never rotten or soaked or stepped on and lying alone in a rubbish bin. it is our dued responsibility as humans to ensure all these items live their fulfilling lifes, and give them the ending that suits their purpose, their reason for existing.
as i went on i felt more and more of my friends drifting away from me. i am not mad la! *indignant*
so tag time! oh no wait. first there was some rule.
Remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog's name in the #5 spot, like so:
ok i shall tag people whom i am actually interested in knowing about their childhood. and those not tagged no worries, its not cuz i don't care what you miss about your childhood, i just think you probably wouldn't do this. so hana, diana,dizzie (your blog needs updating anyway!), naz and sal, YOUUUUUUUUUUU'RE IT!
oh and coincidentally, i was eating nutella sandwiches today. here's shots from my "childhood".
cartoons and nutella. i was really reliving my childhood this lovely afternoon.
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
Michael Jackson; Childhood
apt, no?
why although i miss my childhood, now isn't so bad too.
i could be the boy that you adore, if you just let me know
crushes a- pouring! *throws arms up in glee* whee! joy joy joy!
ahem anyway. my latest student is a lady in her 20s/ 30s, married, with a kid and another on its way. su- weet. retaking her o's. am so proud of her. i think its wonderful that she is considering her education even at this time and age. gooooooo you!
had banditto and cheesey fries for dinner. mmm. and now i've bought my bonjour fat- ass bun bread, thick and and so good you can eat it on its own. sorry gardenia. so tomorrow noon is me and bonjour bread with some nutella. mmm mmm.
dizzie called and talked to me about the whole khalid thing. :) like i said and insist on now, its better this way.
i have a sushi craving and a mac and cheese craving. grr. and did i alienate all taufik fans on my blog with yesterday's pic? but i like him too! you can actually see it as you know, a promotion, publicity for his album. and errr a crazed fan adoration for her idol. leading to mimickry and emulation, no?
ok la. i do go on. i need new contacts. and kel, where are these gigs you talking about? b- quartet, ugly in the morning.. 18th, where? the ones i talk about are at substation. and prince of wales pub. heh.
tomorrow is part 2 with crying primary 1 boy from sembawang. and depending on my mood, prolly a jaunt to town for some shopping OR home for nutella sandwiches and the new book from popular. thanks to nydia i have read a meg cabot every single day since tuesday. tsk tsk. le terrible!
i want to buy kite- flyer. as in the book. looks good. and pretty affordable for eastern lit. lalala. book shopping tomorrow i guess. whee!
at tuition.
"what is the name of someone who helps out at charities and donates alot? eu... sth. or an... sth (i was thinking anthropologist. -_-)."
"i think its en... something. i forgot. haha."
"aaaaaargh no go get your dictionary. while you're at it find me the female lead singer of an opera."
"ok the charity thing is philantropist. the opera i dunno."
"hmm. carmen? ok no. ugh i suck."
"huh? i dunno. maybe. i have no idea."
later on when tuition ended he called and demanded why in god's name i wanted to know all of the above. i told him we were doing occupations... "you know... like, a man who writes plays. playwright. a person who does gymnastics, gymnast. a person who wanks, wanker." no actually i never said the last one. oh ya i still don't know by the way. opera lady. anyone?
and. our different i miss yous'.
'i miss you. you suck."
"haha. i miss you. you suck. how in the world does the two of that go together? haha."
"well it does in my world! cuz no one has the right to make me miss them and hence if they make me miss them they suck. and you logged on to friendster just to add that you wanna meet lindsay from the o.c.! that's how you spend your precious 15 minutes online?!?!"
"hahaha. is that why i suck? sorry la."
earlier.
"i miss you."
":) you give me warm fuzzy stuff in my tummy. i like."
"hehe. warm fuzzy stuff in your stomach? hehe. that might just be siam kitchen from yesterday. haha."
oh the romance of it all just melts me so.
crushes a- pouring! *throws arms up in glee* whee! joy joy joy!
ahem anyway. my latest student is a lady in her 20s/ 30s, married, with a kid and another on its way. su- weet. retaking her o's. am so proud of her. i think its wonderful that she is considering her education even at this time and age. gooooooo you!
had banditto and cheesey fries for dinner. mmm. and now i've bought my bonjour fat- ass bun bread, thick and and so good you can eat it on its own. sorry gardenia. so tomorrow noon is me and bonjour bread with some nutella. mmm mmm.
dizzie called and talked to me about the whole khalid thing. :) like i said and insist on now, its better this way.
i have a sushi craving and a mac and cheese craving. grr. and did i alienate all taufik fans on my blog with yesterday's pic? but i like him too! you can actually see it as you know, a promotion, publicity for his album. and errr a crazed fan adoration for her idol. leading to mimickry and emulation, no?
ok la. i do go on. i need new contacts. and kel, where are these gigs you talking about? b- quartet, ugly in the morning.. 18th, where? the ones i talk about are at substation. and prince of wales pub. heh.
tomorrow is part 2 with crying primary 1 boy from sembawang. and depending on my mood, prolly a jaunt to town for some shopping OR home for nutella sandwiches and the new book from popular. thanks to nydia i have read a meg cabot every single day since tuesday. tsk tsk. le terrible!
i want to buy kite- flyer. as in the book. looks good. and pretty affordable for eastern lit. lalala. book shopping tomorrow i guess. whee!
at tuition.
"what is the name of someone who helps out at charities and donates alot? eu... sth. or an... sth (i was thinking anthropologist. -_-)."
"i think its en... something. i forgot. haha."
"aaaaaargh no go get your dictionary. while you're at it find me the female lead singer of an opera."
"ok the charity thing is philantropist. the opera i dunno."
"hmm. carmen? ok no. ugh i suck."
"huh? i dunno. maybe. i have no idea."
later on when tuition ended he called and demanded why in god's name i wanted to know all of the above. i told him we were doing occupations... "you know... like, a man who writes plays. playwright. a person who does gymnastics, gymnast. a person who wanks, wanker." no actually i never said the last one. oh ya i still don't know by the way. opera lady. anyone?
and. our different i miss yous'.
'i miss you. you suck."
"haha. i miss you. you suck. how in the world does the two of that go together? haha."
"well it does in my world! cuz no one has the right to make me miss them and hence if they make me miss them they suck. and you logged on to friendster just to add that you wanna meet lindsay from the o.c.! that's how you spend your precious 15 minutes online?!?!"
"hahaha. is that why i suck? sorry la."
earlier.
"i miss you."
":) you give me warm fuzzy stuff in my tummy. i like."
"hehe. warm fuzzy stuff in your stomach? hehe. that might just be siam kitchen from yesterday. haha."
oh the romance of it all just melts me so.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
tuition in an hour.
just to quote maya who recently mentioned how friendster is total bullshit. which i have to agree... i think most people are on friendster just so their friends can gush about them unabashedly over testimonials. so to somehow redeem my tainted soul, har har, i deleted all the people i didn't know, i.e. non- friends. people who added me and i couldn't be bothered to look them up and just accepted. now now. all this boys and girls are gone and i must say, i feel much better. see everything in life need clear lines. i.e. lovers, friends, acquaintances, schoolmates, strangers. and with those lines drawn up, i see a clearer picture.
and you (name removed upon request), as pissed as you are with me about my "crazy bitch" reaction to your sudden overpowering need of $13, do not, in any context, mention my mum. "this friendship ended because of your reaction." i wasn't kidding when i said thanks for the humour. no one actually ever said that to me before. like word for word. how sweet of you to feel a need to point out, well, the obvious.
i don't care anymore who is in the wrong. i am, so are you. but trust me, if i see you on the streets, i'll give you a permanent reminder why you should NEVER talk about one's parents in any argument. involving my mum will always be your gravest mistake. you disgust me.
just to quote maya who recently mentioned how friendster is total bullshit. which i have to agree... i think most people are on friendster just so their friends can gush about them unabashedly over testimonials. so to somehow redeem my tainted soul, har har, i deleted all the people i didn't know, i.e. non- friends. people who added me and i couldn't be bothered to look them up and just accepted. now now. all this boys and girls are gone and i must say, i feel much better. see everything in life need clear lines. i.e. lovers, friends, acquaintances, schoolmates, strangers. and with those lines drawn up, i see a clearer picture.
and you (name removed upon request), as pissed as you are with me about my "crazy bitch" reaction to your sudden overpowering need of $13, do not, in any context, mention my mum. "this friendship ended because of your reaction." i wasn't kidding when i said thanks for the humour. no one actually ever said that to me before. like word for word. how sweet of you to feel a need to point out, well, the obvious.
i don't care anymore who is in the wrong. i am, so are you. but trust me, if i see you on the streets, i'll give you a permanent reminder why you should NEVER talk about one's parents in any argument. involving my mum will always be your gravest mistake. you disgust me.
yeah she's the flavour of the week
firstly can i just say its TERRIBLE? terrible how i can just think of a song and then feel like singing along to it and all i have to do is no, not turn on the radio but click on limewire and search and double- click. in seconds- nah. your singalongable song. terrible terrible terrible.
if my imaginary band the whoo hoos EVER EVER write their own songs (wah fucken schizo, still can say 'their') don't download hor. BUY OUR ALBUM. for mighty blue cow's sake, SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC. or at least, support me la. how to make money like that right, if you keep downloading my songs? but i am thinking too far as always. so moving on to the real reason why i am here blogging.
i so am having a thing for bassists la. i think the sound emitted from it is already damn sexy, like the deep, rumbling voice of a giant (how is that sexy i don't know but play along, if you will) and if you can play a mean bass chances are your fingers are all scruffed up and you know, manly. erk. okay. AND if you're the tall, not- so- lanky sort, with messy, unwaxed/ ungelled hair hinting of the i'm- too- busy- with- my- strings- i- got- no- time- to- do- my- hair- of- all- things...WAH DAMN HOT CAN. and in particular, if your bass guitar is black or red. which i think most is. but never mind. wah damn. hot hot hot.
and i was thinking for sometime last year i had the whole starbucks barista thang going, then it was arty boys, then it was cafe/ barista boys, then it was waiters. and they were each separated by a month! so they are all flavour of the month!
:)
flavour of the month: bassist.
which leads me to how i started this entry cuz i wanted to write about bassists being my flavour of the month then i realize there was that american hi- fi song flavour of the week then i googled the lyrics and wanted to sing along to it and hence downloaded it and then felt really really bad for american hi- fi. for like, 10 seconds.
ok lah enough talk. back to sleep. more later if i got anything to say. at all.
till then, its hot bassists for june. ok la i sound mean. maybe if you worked at a cafe before and can play the guitar (not necessarily bass) you will be more than just flavour of the month. maybe year! decade! century! millenia! or! lifetime! of! crapping! with! me! like! now!
bye.
firstly can i just say its TERRIBLE? terrible how i can just think of a song and then feel like singing along to it and all i have to do is no, not turn on the radio but click on limewire and search and double- click. in seconds- nah. your singalongable song. terrible terrible terrible.
if my imaginary band the whoo hoos EVER EVER write their own songs (wah fucken schizo, still can say 'their') don't download hor. BUY OUR ALBUM. for mighty blue cow's sake, SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC. or at least, support me la. how to make money like that right, if you keep downloading my songs? but i am thinking too far as always. so moving on to the real reason why i am here blogging.
i so am having a thing for bassists la. i think the sound emitted from it is already damn sexy, like the deep, rumbling voice of a giant (how is that sexy i don't know but play along, if you will) and if you can play a mean bass chances are your fingers are all scruffed up and you know, manly. erk. okay. AND if you're the tall, not- so- lanky sort, with messy, unwaxed/ ungelled hair hinting of the i'm- too- busy- with- my- strings- i- got- no- time- to- do- my- hair- of- all- things...WAH DAMN HOT CAN. and in particular, if your bass guitar is black or red. which i think most is. but never mind. wah damn. hot hot hot.
and i was thinking for sometime last year i had the whole starbucks barista thang going, then it was arty boys, then it was cafe/ barista boys, then it was waiters. and they were each separated by a month! so they are all flavour of the month!
:)
flavour of the month: bassist.
which leads me to how i started this entry cuz i wanted to write about bassists being my flavour of the month then i realize there was that american hi- fi song flavour of the week then i googled the lyrics and wanted to sing along to it and hence downloaded it and then felt really really bad for american hi- fi. for like, 10 seconds.
ok lah enough talk. back to sleep. more later if i got anything to say. at all.
till then, its hot bassists for june. ok la i sound mean. maybe if you worked at a cafe before and can play the guitar (not necessarily bass) you will be more than just flavour of the month. maybe year! decade! century! millenia! or! lifetime! of! crapping! with! me! like! now!
bye.
i put in a request, if i may
met the banananess for an indie night at hideout. moods was good (and had a hot bassist, hubba hubba hubbabutattached), samantha, her friend's band, was, well. probably better off in an open space, with moshing or at least, standing friends. a pub is so not the place for their music. i guess it didn't help that naz, farhana's friend in that band, was the lead singer and got drunk before he got to the mike. he promptly pointed it out too. "sial la mabuk siaaaal." that's shit i am so wasted in malay.
drummer was good, though he tend to be too fast. but that show's a good rock drummer in the making, skillwise. i think if they jam more together the drummer will cease to be a problem. they're lucky to have a good lead and bassist. as for mr. naz himself, well. honestly the slurred words and pitchy singing didn't do him justice. unless that's how he was supposed to sound like then i have no say. my best advice is keep the alcohol for later, i think you sound better sobre. yea. just a thought.
i think what they need was a standing crowd, not necessarily moshing or skanking or whatever, but just a standing crowd. pub crowds like accapella stuff, slow stuff, chilled stuff. not britpoprock. no matter how good it is. so yea.
but i am still happy cuz 1. moods played beatles' all my life which always makes me happy cuz any band that plays beatles already deserves a standing ovation for trying, and of course they did have that totally cute bassist which leads me to 2. the bassist was cute and total eye- candy but i stopped checking him out after he stopped playing cuz he had his girlfriend with him. one of my never- changing principles is an attached man is a no- touch man. i stuck by it despite the gorgeousness dripping from his pores so go me. and 3. i got to spend time with the banananess after yonks and it was good ol' times again. turned into camwhores at raffles place, before turning into pigs at lau pa sat. its a wonder we never turned into pumpkins.
this bank name is a very popular sight in my history of silly photos. haha.
ditto.
bang bang my baby shot me down.
because of that wondeful shot, me and farhana, the ever creative duo, got a BRILLIANT IDEA!
presenting to you, your first SING- a- POOR idol,
taufu basah. actually we were thinking more taufikah batisahah. but too long. haha.
same HOR??!?!!
so alike, i am so shocked! (this pic is pretty gross. my green eyes looks extra- lizardlike and god, you can see my MOLARS. sheesh. thanks a bunch banana. the grass by the way, was damn itchy. cuz my top was of flimsy translucent material. but oh well.
dunno why she don't want to look stupid. :(
goooooooooooooooooooooo arts fest!
hardcore supporter.
she finally looks stupid. real stupid. hahaha. smelling her armpits! WHAT THE!
she took so long to snap this shot that i have that time forever emblazoned and seared into my memory. 6 p.m. but can't remember the date.
look what she shit (shat?) out.
all in all, had a blast. after satays, took a walk to the automated teller machine (:D) to withdraw some cash than into a cab we went and that was that. left the fun times and returned back to our own lives... a languid stroll,
into the silent quiet night.
met the banananess for an indie night at hideout. moods was good (and had a hot bassist, hubba hubba hubbabutattached), samantha, her friend's band, was, well. probably better off in an open space, with moshing or at least, standing friends. a pub is so not the place for their music. i guess it didn't help that naz, farhana's friend in that band, was the lead singer and got drunk before he got to the mike. he promptly pointed it out too. "sial la mabuk siaaaal." that's shit i am so wasted in malay.
drummer was good, though he tend to be too fast. but that show's a good rock drummer in the making, skillwise. i think if they jam more together the drummer will cease to be a problem. they're lucky to have a good lead and bassist. as for mr. naz himself, well. honestly the slurred words and pitchy singing didn't do him justice. unless that's how he was supposed to sound like then i have no say. my best advice is keep the alcohol for later, i think you sound better sobre. yea. just a thought.
i think what they need was a standing crowd, not necessarily moshing or skanking or whatever, but just a standing crowd. pub crowds like accapella stuff, slow stuff, chilled stuff. not britpoprock. no matter how good it is. so yea.
but i am still happy cuz 1. moods played beatles' all my life which always makes me happy cuz any band that plays beatles already deserves a standing ovation for trying, and of course they did have that totally cute bassist which leads me to 2. the bassist was cute and total eye- candy but i stopped checking him out after he stopped playing cuz he had his girlfriend with him. one of my never- changing principles is an attached man is a no- touch man. i stuck by it despite the gorgeousness dripping from his pores so go me. and 3. i got to spend time with the banananess after yonks and it was good ol' times again. turned into camwhores at raffles place, before turning into pigs at lau pa sat. its a wonder we never turned into pumpkins.
this bank name is a very popular sight in my history of silly photos. haha.
ditto.
bang bang my baby shot me down.
because of that wondeful shot, me and farhana, the ever creative duo, got a BRILLIANT IDEA!
presenting to you, your first SING- a- POOR idol,
taufu basah. actually we were thinking more taufikah batisahah. but too long. haha.
same HOR??!?!!
so alike, i am so shocked! (this pic is pretty gross. my green eyes looks extra- lizardlike and god, you can see my MOLARS. sheesh. thanks a bunch banana. the grass by the way, was damn itchy. cuz my top was of flimsy translucent material. but oh well.
dunno why she don't want to look stupid. :(
goooooooooooooooooooooo arts fest!
hardcore supporter.
she finally looks stupid. real stupid. hahaha. smelling her armpits! WHAT THE!
she took so long to snap this shot that i have that time forever emblazoned and seared into my memory. 6 p.m. but can't remember the date.
look what she shit (shat?) out.
all in all, had a blast. after satays, took a walk to the automated teller machine (:D) to withdraw some cash than into a cab we went and that was that. left the fun times and returned back to our own lives... a languid stroll,
into the silent quiet night.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
hormonal imbalance
i really can't decide. when i got together with you, when i started liking you, when i was with you... i was a different person. our simple outings, ocassional dates satisfied me and i didn't want much more.
since then i have seen more, met more, known more. maybe that's why, i want more. and this more that you can't give was never and will never be your fault.
essentially i am still the same. i look the same, my principles remains... but there are more things i do in my life now. the old fiza would never have been in a musical, a camp, or a band. but now she's trying it all. so while the main structure remains, the exterior have been worked and reworked on several times. i changed, in that sense.
changed too, is the idea of the man i want.
you know me. the structure. the foundation i was built on. and you love me for it. but with you... i never felt like you got to know my exterior. you don't share passion for what i'm passionate for. you were always supportive yes, but our interests seem to always run parallel. i don't know. i am not wanting a carbon copy of me but i don't know. some common interests would be nice. and we have some but its just small random things. i don't know.
soulmates. mind- boggling.
i was never and will never be contented with just enough. i will always be curious about my limits, pushing the envelope just a little more, push myself a little more, just to know how far i can go. you are safe and secure and loyal and omniscient. i am reckless, flighty, and i run wild with abandon.
opposites attract i guess. your safe presence provides stability to my whirlwind life. and my passionate embrace of life adds some colour to your secure, defined world. but how long do we go on complementing as opposed to sharing?
i am worried. i am worried that all this surge of love and joy and whatnots for you is only here cuz of the no- man's- land period i've imposed upon myself. what if someone new comes along and you're left behind yet again? what if i drop you, again? its like an endless cycle. with the same villian over and over again.
with you i was never the better half. i was always the bad one, the unloyal one, the most- likely- to- cheat one. and to my credit, i did live up to that name. ever heard of self- fulfilling prophecy? or maybe they were right all along. but you were always nice, right, pure, kind, all things good. and i was like your nemesis. the complete anti- thesis of you. all throughout the relationship, i always felt like i was watched. people expected me to hurt you. and hurt you, of course, i did. as long as i was by your side, i will always be the black to your white. the wrong to your right. i will never be good enough to you, not in anyone's eyes other than yours. one thing i knew when i was with you, we were never bonnie and clyde. we were jekyll and hyde. no prizes for guessing who holds the role of vicious murderer. it doesn't help, at all, that we will always share a common group of friends.
and friends. yours can be mine, but mine will never be yours. we went through this a thousand times. but it is a lost cause.
i don't know. there's just this sense, of foreboding doom. impending disaster. someone new, something new, just anything new, is about to enter my life. and it just might mean the end of this rollercoaster ride we've been on for the past few weeks.
for better or for worse.
and as much as i am trying not to, i am mentally preparing for it. and hopefully you are too. i mean who knows, this might all be silly prophesizing. yet. my shoulders sag at the thought that what we share might not last much longer but hey,
all rollercoaster rides end.
i really can't decide. when i got together with you, when i started liking you, when i was with you... i was a different person. our simple outings, ocassional dates satisfied me and i didn't want much more.
since then i have seen more, met more, known more. maybe that's why, i want more. and this more that you can't give was never and will never be your fault.
essentially i am still the same. i look the same, my principles remains... but there are more things i do in my life now. the old fiza would never have been in a musical, a camp, or a band. but now she's trying it all. so while the main structure remains, the exterior have been worked and reworked on several times. i changed, in that sense.
changed too, is the idea of the man i want.
you know me. the structure. the foundation i was built on. and you love me for it. but with you... i never felt like you got to know my exterior. you don't share passion for what i'm passionate for. you were always supportive yes, but our interests seem to always run parallel. i don't know. i am not wanting a carbon copy of me but i don't know. some common interests would be nice. and we have some but its just small random things. i don't know.
soulmates. mind- boggling.
i was never and will never be contented with just enough. i will always be curious about my limits, pushing the envelope just a little more, push myself a little more, just to know how far i can go. you are safe and secure and loyal and omniscient. i am reckless, flighty, and i run wild with abandon.
opposites attract i guess. your safe presence provides stability to my whirlwind life. and my passionate embrace of life adds some colour to your secure, defined world. but how long do we go on complementing as opposed to sharing?
i am worried. i am worried that all this surge of love and joy and whatnots for you is only here cuz of the no- man's- land period i've imposed upon myself. what if someone new comes along and you're left behind yet again? what if i drop you, again? its like an endless cycle. with the same villian over and over again.
with you i was never the better half. i was always the bad one, the unloyal one, the most- likely- to- cheat one. and to my credit, i did live up to that name. ever heard of self- fulfilling prophecy? or maybe they were right all along. but you were always nice, right, pure, kind, all things good. and i was like your nemesis. the complete anti- thesis of you. all throughout the relationship, i always felt like i was watched. people expected me to hurt you. and hurt you, of course, i did. as long as i was by your side, i will always be the black to your white. the wrong to your right. i will never be good enough to you, not in anyone's eyes other than yours. one thing i knew when i was with you, we were never bonnie and clyde. we were jekyll and hyde. no prizes for guessing who holds the role of vicious murderer. it doesn't help, at all, that we will always share a common group of friends.
and friends. yours can be mine, but mine will never be yours. we went through this a thousand times. but it is a lost cause.
i don't know. there's just this sense, of foreboding doom. impending disaster. someone new, something new, just anything new, is about to enter my life. and it just might mean the end of this rollercoaster ride we've been on for the past few weeks.
for better or for worse.
and as much as i am trying not to, i am mentally preparing for it. and hopefully you are too. i mean who knows, this might all be silly prophesizing. yet. my shoulders sag at the thought that what we share might not last much longer but hey,
all rollercoaster rides end.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
holy wowness
i just got back from tuition. imagine that! tuition ends at 10 and i can be home by 10.15 p.m. bodengdengs!
it is like, walking distance. walk walk walk reach. wahhhhhh. oh oh and if i find a shortcut i can cut travelling time even further! i am so in awe! cuz me being the dickhead that i am, all the past tuition assignments i had were at least 4 mrt stations away from my place! holy shemolee! and now this! WALKING DISTANCE Y'ALL! don't mind me. after years teaching tuition at places 20 jillion lightyears away, something 10 minutes away is like, total bliss. glorious.
now that i'm done cowing about absolute rubbish, let's move on to better things. like today.
today was fun, fun, fun! how's about a few laughs, laughs? i can show you a, good tiiiiiiime! let me show you a, good tiiiiiiime!
ok moving on. today was actually FUN. haha. met the minah sisterhood at city hall. lunched at pastamania. my marinara was wetter than usual. yeech. so i couldn't finish it. wow! i know. and on a totally irrelevant note, i have a pimple SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD. i like to call it my nandek, or my bindhi, or my punani. its nice to say, "holy shit my punani is growing!" punani, by the way, is tamil for vagina. i would think. but as mentioned, totally irrelevant. MY PUNANI IS GONNA EXPLODE SOON WHEE!
ok on to less porno material. er so ya after pasta nydia had her yami yoghurt where sara chose to test my nuts knowledge. i knew gajus; which is cashew nuts. then she pointed at almonds and i said, "hey i know this one! its the one in all the chocolates... uhh... ALMONDS!" then she pointed at pumpkin seeds, and i said, "KUACI!" for the record, it is la. malays don't call it pumpkin seed (biji labu? got meh? no right?!) so it is KUACI. BIRD FOOD. bah.
window- shopped and almost ended up $39 poorer due to very funkeh looking brown cord flares. i have strong willpower. i resisted the kaching! :D
wandered to esplanade and at one point sara felt a need to scream out, "anything you do i can do better!" uhuh. we get you girl. totally.
walked past california bistro, nydia waved at some fella innit, turned out she knows some of them, then they went on and on about its glorious tiramisu and fiza sucker for all desserts, caved in and we entered cali bistro. they have a waiter named yan. his real name is superlong and cool and i'm stealing half of it to name my god- knows- when-will- be- born son. yay yay!
i had a bread and butter pudding. SHIOKENENEH! seriously. for $4.95, it was gooooooooooood. oh i want moooooore. dang. good shit la. terminally good shit. gooooood shit. ok i will stop. damn it. it was SO NICE LA. all warm and puddingy and with that vanilla ice- cream. oh and service is good, so try it! i should really consider turning my blog into a where- to- eat- in- singapore site, given the number or restaurant/ cafe recommendations i give in a week. sheesh.
nydia had chocolate cheesecake (yes it taste as good as it sounds) and sara the tiramisu- no rum so certified halal. :D gooooood shit. ok that was the last good shit for the day. aaah.
sat at esplanade outdoor theatre for a bit. got some band doing sound check. sigh. the day i get to do a gig. OWN gig. dang. wait long long, dream many many.
my punani is very sharp. huargh huargh huargh. yes punani is vagina. but no, here my pimple on my forehead is named punani. get a grip all.
i am becoming medically- certified mad. uh oh. ok i am freaking myself out.
today i went out in my greek goddess top from jay to the bee. niceness. but i think it makes my chest looks obscenely large. shall restrain from wearing it too oftenly. oh and MY PUNANI/ PIMPLE/ NANDEK/ BINDHI is growing EXPONENTIALLY!
and yes, i do know what that means. i learnt it from EUREKA!, a science- info show for kids. you cannot fold a paper more than 8 times (or was it 16? aiya i suck with facts) cuz each time you fold it, the thickness grows EXPONENTIALLY. :D and if you fold it 36 times (could be more, like i said, facts smhacts), it is so thick that if you stand on top of this folded- 36- times paper, you will be out of earth's atmosphere and sticking your head into universe. now don't you try folding a piece of paper 36 times. no matter how big it is. maximum, 8 times (or 16. yes yes) only. you want to stick your head into the universe go call NASA. tune in next week for another fun fact from EUREKA!
i sure can go on. oh and about the striked out entry below? ignore it. a whole loada buncha crappo. i get my emo moments, where my mind succumbs to my feminine wiles for a bit. only for a bit though.
to make up for this incessant rambling, let me post up two pictures.
one, of two idiots. that's me and my boipren. better known as apiz, hana'ssister brother.
and one, of beauty. of something so far out of sight but actually nearer than we think. of a living we can never comprehend. of something our metropolitan souls cannot comprehend; simplicity.
the root to happiness is satisfaction. which is why we are all sad, cuz we never think we have enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just a quick one before i head off for tuition. new student, walking distance. yay!
looked through some photos.
sadly realized i won't share with anyone else what i shared with you.
also realized unlike things with everyone else, it can never go back to how it was.
and because we never had a proper start, i will never find a proper closure.
which means forever and always, i will ocassionally look back and lament on what- could- have- been.
and you would be the only one with such luck, cuz i always make it a point to make clean endings.
i hope one day it will all come back to haunt you and you will have to live with the same remorse and temperamental sense of loss that i have to encounter on the odd days.
i just got back from tuition. imagine that! tuition ends at 10 and i can be home by 10.15 p.m. bodengdengs!
it is like, walking distance. walk walk walk reach. wahhhhhh. oh oh and if i find a shortcut i can cut travelling time even further! i am so in awe! cuz me being the dickhead that i am, all the past tuition assignments i had were at least 4 mrt stations away from my place! holy shemolee! and now this! WALKING DISTANCE Y'ALL! don't mind me. after years teaching tuition at places 20 jillion lightyears away, something 10 minutes away is like, total bliss. glorious.
now that i'm done cowing about absolute rubbish, let's move on to better things. like today.
today was fun, fun, fun! how's about a few laughs, laughs? i can show you a, good tiiiiiiime! let me show you a, good tiiiiiiime!
ok moving on. today was actually FUN. haha. met the minah sisterhood at city hall. lunched at pastamania. my marinara was wetter than usual. yeech. so i couldn't finish it. wow! i know. and on a totally irrelevant note, i have a pimple SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD. i like to call it my nandek, or my bindhi, or my punani. its nice to say, "holy shit my punani is growing!" punani, by the way, is tamil for vagina. i would think. but as mentioned, totally irrelevant. MY PUNANI IS GONNA EXPLODE SOON WHEE!
ok on to less porno material. er so ya after pasta nydia had her yami yoghurt where sara chose to test my nuts knowledge. i knew gajus; which is cashew nuts. then she pointed at almonds and i said, "hey i know this one! its the one in all the chocolates... uhh... ALMONDS!" then she pointed at pumpkin seeds, and i said, "KUACI!" for the record, it is la. malays don't call it pumpkin seed (biji labu? got meh? no right?!) so it is KUACI. BIRD FOOD. bah.
window- shopped and almost ended up $39 poorer due to very funkeh looking brown cord flares. i have strong willpower. i resisted the kaching! :D
wandered to esplanade and at one point sara felt a need to scream out, "anything you do i can do better!" uhuh. we get you girl. totally.
walked past california bistro, nydia waved at some fella innit, turned out she knows some of them, then they went on and on about its glorious tiramisu and fiza sucker for all desserts, caved in and we entered cali bistro. they have a waiter named yan. his real name is superlong and cool and i'm stealing half of it to name my god- knows- when-will- be- born son. yay yay!
i had a bread and butter pudding. SHIOKENENEH! seriously. for $4.95, it was gooooooooooood. oh i want moooooore. dang. good shit la. terminally good shit. gooooood shit. ok i will stop. damn it. it was SO NICE LA. all warm and puddingy and with that vanilla ice- cream. oh and service is good, so try it! i should really consider turning my blog into a where- to- eat- in- singapore site, given the number or restaurant/ cafe recommendations i give in a week. sheesh.
nydia had chocolate cheesecake (yes it taste as good as it sounds) and sara the tiramisu- no rum so certified halal. :D gooooood shit. ok that was the last good shit for the day. aaah.
sat at esplanade outdoor theatre for a bit. got some band doing sound check. sigh. the day i get to do a gig. OWN gig. dang. wait long long, dream many many.
my punani is very sharp. huargh huargh huargh. yes punani is vagina. but no, here my pimple on my forehead is named punani. get a grip all.
i am becoming medically- certified mad. uh oh. ok i am freaking myself out.
today i went out in my greek goddess top from jay to the bee. niceness. but i think it makes my chest looks obscenely large. shall restrain from wearing it too oftenly. oh and MY PUNANI/ PIMPLE/ NANDEK/ BINDHI is growing EXPONENTIALLY!
and yes, i do know what that means. i learnt it from EUREKA!, a science- info show for kids. you cannot fold a paper more than 8 times (or was it 16? aiya i suck with facts) cuz each time you fold it, the thickness grows EXPONENTIALLY. :D and if you fold it 36 times (could be more, like i said, facts smhacts), it is so thick that if you stand on top of this folded- 36- times paper, you will be out of earth's atmosphere and sticking your head into universe. now don't you try folding a piece of paper 36 times. no matter how big it is. maximum, 8 times (or 16. yes yes) only. you want to stick your head into the universe go call NASA. tune in next week for another fun fact from EUREKA!
i sure can go on. oh and about the striked out entry below? ignore it. a whole loada buncha crappo. i get my emo moments, where my mind succumbs to my feminine wiles for a bit. only for a bit though.
to make up for this incessant rambling, let me post up two pictures.
one, of two idiots. that's me and my boipren. better known as apiz, hana's
and one, of beauty. of something so far out of sight but actually nearer than we think. of a living we can never comprehend. of something our metropolitan souls cannot comprehend; simplicity.
the root to happiness is satisfaction. which is why we are all sad, cuz we never think we have enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just a quick one before i head off for tuition. new student, walking distance. yay!
sadly realized i won't share with anyone else what i shared with you.
also realized unlike things with everyone else, it can never go back to how it was.
and because we never had a proper start, i will never find a proper closure.
which means forever and always, i will ocassionally look back and lament on what- could- have- been.
and you would be the only one with such luck, cuz i always make it a point to make clean endings.
i hope one day it will all come back to haunt you and you will have to live with the same remorse and temperamental sense of loss that i have to encounter on the odd days.
Monday, June 06, 2005
and plop
the day started early, with tuition slotted at 11. arrived. and it took 30 minutes of wheedling for the boy to come to the kitchen table. and another 15 minutes to stop him from crying.
yes. cry. like huge fat sobs, wailing. he even called his mum. his aunt took the phone, told her all was fine, and dragged him to the table.
after 10 minutes, tears subsided. by the 40th minute into tuition, he was counting along with me. halfway through, i got him laughing and confessing to a penchant for spongebob. :) he likes patrick though, not spongebob.
not bad at all. poor boy. he is so quiet and reserved for a boy his age. most primary 1 kids i know are talkative and yak non- stop to strangers. he keeps to himself, and zone out alot. hmm. he is apparently very scared of teachers or authority of any form cuz his form teacher at school shouts at him alot. for zoning out, i guess.
anyway after that met gail at buona vista to exchange shopping cards. shopaholics we are. she has my topshop card now, and i have her esprit. shopping, anyone?
headed home and finished my book; boy next door by meg cabot. GOOD SHIT for $5.90 la! which reminds me. i said it can sustain me for 2 weeks. given that i finished a book in a day... i guess i meant 2 days. :/
finished it at 4 plus, then headed to mum's room for some tv. i tell you living in a mansionette has made me a bigger sloth than ever. i only go down to leave the house. HEAH.
anyway switched it on, and cuz it was so late, i was only in time for hi- 5 which i have no interest in. tcs played adventure inc. boooooooooooring. so?
i fell asleep.
right till my mum got back, had her dinner, left the house again to get some lights and come back home. as hafiz the belo one would say, "ganas." er, i think that means savage. or ferocious. like, sleep with such ferocity! why am i explaining myself again? gah.
oh oh oh! i was talking to hana last night about my wonderful malay. over the weeks of rehearsals, sara, nyd and co. have come to notice my weak, floundering malay and we all, of course, had lots of fun with it. i taught nyd "kau kencing bersepah- sepah" (when you pee it is very messy/ all over the place- i know i know, WHAT an insult, but think about it, if you're a guy? its all about the aim these days. but i do go on), which is actually not grammatically correct even, in malay, but who the hoot cares. she of course, derived joy in sharing this lovely phrase with the entire cast. :D
so i told hana, who of course, asked, why in god's name did you teach her that?
Me: i taught her kau kencing bersepah- sepah.
(hana): good job fiza... really smoooooth
(hana): where did the kencing bersepah sepah come from ah
Me: i also dunno.
Me: ohhhhhhh
Me: cuz i wanted to pee
Me: during rehearsals
Me: so i said
Me: i have to go NOW
Me: or wait i kencing bersepah2 everywhere
Me: so gone la.
PEE, i tell you, is the root to ALL EVIL. you hear that you bladders? root of ALL evil. does anyone need reminding how my urge to pee in march led to the door slamming on my pinky, leaving it nail- less, naked and exposed to all sorts of bacteria, germs and leaving me at risk of gangrene? hmm hmm hmm? anyone recall that? no? go march archives. got huge- ass bloody finger for you to see. oh hell.
nah.
slotted in an exclusive unreleased shot to trigger off all that nausea. :D i remembered my utmost worry was how unglam the huge bandage was, and how if this had happened before my wedding, it would make life the most wretched. you know how malay brides have to sit all prim and proper with their ten fingers with nails intact on display with all that henna on their knees?
not exactly bridal material, aye?
happy.
ok now that i am TOTALLY sidetracked and have GROSSLY digressed from the topic i started with, do you MIND if i get back ON TRACK? huff.
what was the topic?
oh ok my lousy malay. so yes. then i proceeded to tell hana more examples of my stinking lousy malay.
Me: yesterday me sara harman
Me: was trying to figure out
Me: what 'pula' means
Me: then sara said OR
Me: then me n harman
Me: noooo laaaa
Me: we laughed at her, some more.
Me: then i said
Me: hmm its like, eh aku nak pegi kau tanak pulak
Me: so its sth like
Me: lei, or lor, or la.
(hana): WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(hana): WHAT THE HELL
(hana): HAHAHAHAHA
Me: correct what
Me: eh i want to go then you dont want lei.
of course in the wee hours of the morning (check out the time, then try reconciling it with the content of our conversation) is when i hit a goldmine. EUREKA!
(AM 02:00) (hana): then, 'dia pula tidak mahu pergi ke sekolah' (translated in next coherent line)
(AM 02:00) Me: pula is and thennnnn
(AM 02:00) (hana): it's ON THE OTHER HAND laaaa
(AM 02:00) Me: and then he dowan to go to school
(AM 02:01) Me: nooooooo
(AM 02:01) Me: its and thennnnnnnn
(AM 02:01) (hana): hahahahahahahahahahaha
(AM 02:01) Me: i want to go and thennnn he dowan. (translated in next line)
(AM 02:01) Me: aku nak pegi dia tanak pegi pulak.
(AM 02:01) Me: see?
(AM 02:01) Me: i rock.
(AM 02:01) (hana): YA LA, on the other hand laaaaa
(AM 02:01) Me: and thennnnnnnnn.
(AM 02:01) (hana): on the other haaannnddd
(AM 02:01) Me: and thennnnnnnnnn?
(AM 02:01) (hana): nick kamu salah pula (translated in next line)
(AM 02:02) Me: and then your nick is wrong!
(AM 02:02) Me: HAH
(AM 02:02) (hana): WHAT THE HELL
(AM 02:02) (hana): HAHAHAA
read on if you haven't had enough of high, energizer- bunny chirpy girls' conversation.
(AM 02:12) Me: jam spuluh malam (news at ten)
(AM 02:12) Me: berita penting (important news)
(AM 02:13) Me: i cannot be malay newscaster
(AM 02:13) Me: berita penting (important news)
(AM 02:13) Me: lee kuan yew cakap dia nak berhenti keje (lee kuan yes said he wants to quit his job)
(AM 02:13) (hana): lee kuan yew cakap ngan kau ke perrrr (lee kuan yew tell you issit?)
(AM 02:15) Me: lee kuan yew bilang saya semalam di henpon (lee kuan yew told me yesterday on the handphone)
(AM 02:15) Me: tapi dia tak sempat bilang asal (but he didn't have the time to tell me why)
(AM 02:15) (hana): HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
(AM 02:15) Me: sebab bateri saya mati. (cuz my handphone battery died)
(AM 02:15) (hana): kepala ho (your he(ad)...)
(AM 02:15) (hana): hahahahaha
(AM 02:15) Me: akhir berita penting (end of important news)
(AM 02:15) (hana): hahahahha
(AM 02:15) Me: berita tak penting sangat. (not so important news)
(AM 02:15) (hana): WAHAHAHAHA
(AM 02:16) Me: sr nathan didapati bersalah dalam pencurian muruku beramai- ramai tempoh hari di tekka (sr nathan was found guilty for the mass theft of muruku last week at tekka)
(AM 02:16) Me: dengan itu (with that)
(AM 02:16) Me: beliau dilarang berlari sebagai presiden sekali lagi (he has been forbidden from running as president again)
(AM 02:16) Me: run for president.
okay am i like, gonna get sued? but those weren't even good political jokes man. not even political in any form at all! please don't sue me! it was all meant in good humour. i actually do honestly like sr nathan. really. i think he is a very nice old man. er ya. ok i better shut up.
anyway i got hungry halfway through aforementioned conversation and went down to get some twisties. like i told hana, "hidup tidak lurus tanpa twisties." yes. life's not straight without twisties. my malay will improve if i go on at this rate. but for no good reason.
(AM 02:20) Me: wah!
(AM 02:20) Me: i was just...
(AM 02:20) Me: k i took out 2 twistie
(AM 02:20) Me: then
(AM 02:20) Me: about to put in my mouth
(AM 02:20) Me: then the 2
(AM 02:20) Me: macam (like) magnet
(AM 02:20) Me: repel ke ape ntah (or something like that)
(AM 02:20) Me: then plop
(AM 02:20) Me: jatuh on e floor. (drop on the floor)
(AM 02:20) (hana): -__
(AM 02:20) Me: ehehhhhhhh
(AM 02:20) Me: mate die ilanggggggggg (one eye is missingggg!)
(AM 02:20) (hana): hahahha
(AM 02:21) (hana): jatuh bersama samam twisties ke lantai (it fell with the twisties to the floor)
(AM 02:21) Me: kesian. (poor thing)
(AM 02:21) Me: tersembab biji matanya. (the eyeball is swollen)
(AM 02:21) Me: tercocok dek twisties. (poked by twisties)
ok la all that? only funny if you're malay. and i hope that made all you people who think your malay is terrible feel alot better. by the way if you're wondering why i suddenly so terrer (er, skillful) in translating on my blog, its all thanks to BHANOT. yes. this is the the wonderful, miracle- man who came up with the idea of an ONLINE malay- english dictionary. go get one on your bookmark or favourites; dictionary.bhanot.net.
yay this just in. minah sisterhood congregating for lunch at city hall tomorrow. if you sense trepidations and hear loud laughter within the vicinity (minimum radius of 1km), that's us. do drop by and say hi. :)
oh and more good news. the belo one and me are fine. we made up. we got a date next saturday. now if he cancels out on me, he's in for more hell than dante's peak.
its been a good day. nice long nap and good long read. hope yours was as good.
the day started early, with tuition slotted at 11. arrived. and it took 30 minutes of wheedling for the boy to come to the kitchen table. and another 15 minutes to stop him from crying.
yes. cry. like huge fat sobs, wailing. he even called his mum. his aunt took the phone, told her all was fine, and dragged him to the table.
after 10 minutes, tears subsided. by the 40th minute into tuition, he was counting along with me. halfway through, i got him laughing and confessing to a penchant for spongebob. :) he likes patrick though, not spongebob.
not bad at all. poor boy. he is so quiet and reserved for a boy his age. most primary 1 kids i know are talkative and yak non- stop to strangers. he keeps to himself, and zone out alot. hmm. he is apparently very scared of teachers or authority of any form cuz his form teacher at school shouts at him alot. for zoning out, i guess.
anyway after that met gail at buona vista to exchange shopping cards. shopaholics we are. she has my topshop card now, and i have her esprit. shopping, anyone?
headed home and finished my book; boy next door by meg cabot. GOOD SHIT for $5.90 la! which reminds me. i said it can sustain me for 2 weeks. given that i finished a book in a day... i guess i meant 2 days. :/
finished it at 4 plus, then headed to mum's room for some tv. i tell you living in a mansionette has made me a bigger sloth than ever. i only go down to leave the house. HEAH.
anyway switched it on, and cuz it was so late, i was only in time for hi- 5 which i have no interest in. tcs played adventure inc. boooooooooooring. so?
i fell asleep.
right till my mum got back, had her dinner, left the house again to get some lights and come back home. as hafiz the belo one would say, "ganas." er, i think that means savage. or ferocious. like, sleep with such ferocity! why am i explaining myself again? gah.
oh oh oh! i was talking to hana last night about my wonderful malay. over the weeks of rehearsals, sara, nyd and co. have come to notice my weak, floundering malay and we all, of course, had lots of fun with it. i taught nyd "kau kencing bersepah- sepah" (when you pee it is very messy/ all over the place- i know i know, WHAT an insult, but think about it, if you're a guy? its all about the aim these days. but i do go on), which is actually not grammatically correct even, in malay, but who the hoot cares. she of course, derived joy in sharing this lovely phrase with the entire cast. :D
so i told hana, who of course, asked, why in god's name did you teach her that?
Me: i taught her kau kencing bersepah- sepah.
(hana): good job fiza... really smoooooth
(hana): where did the kencing bersepah sepah come from ah
Me: i also dunno.
Me: ohhhhhhh
Me: cuz i wanted to pee
Me: during rehearsals
Me: so i said
Me: i have to go NOW
Me: or wait i kencing bersepah2 everywhere
Me: so gone la.
PEE, i tell you, is the root to ALL EVIL. you hear that you bladders? root of ALL evil. does anyone need reminding how my urge to pee in march led to the door slamming on my pinky, leaving it nail- less, naked and exposed to all sorts of bacteria, germs and leaving me at risk of gangrene? hmm hmm hmm? anyone recall that? no? go march archives. got huge- ass bloody finger for you to see. oh hell.
nah.
slotted in an exclusive unreleased shot to trigger off all that nausea. :D i remembered my utmost worry was how unglam the huge bandage was, and how if this had happened before my wedding, it would make life the most wretched. you know how malay brides have to sit all prim and proper with their ten fingers with nails intact on display with all that henna on their knees?
not exactly bridal material, aye?
happy.
ok now that i am TOTALLY sidetracked and have GROSSLY digressed from the topic i started with, do you MIND if i get back ON TRACK? huff.
what was the topic?
oh ok my lousy malay. so yes. then i proceeded to tell hana more examples of my stinking lousy malay.
Me: yesterday me sara harman
Me: was trying to figure out
Me: what 'pula' means
Me: then sara said OR
Me: then me n harman
Me: noooo laaaa
Me: we laughed at her, some more.
Me: then i said
Me: hmm its like, eh aku nak pegi kau tanak pulak
Me: so its sth like
Me: lei, or lor, or la.
(hana): WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(hana): WHAT THE HELL
(hana): HAHAHAHAHA
Me: correct what
Me: eh i want to go then you dont want lei.
of course in the wee hours of the morning (check out the time, then try reconciling it with the content of our conversation) is when i hit a goldmine. EUREKA!
(AM 02:00) (hana): then, 'dia pula tidak mahu pergi ke sekolah' (translated in next coherent line)
(AM 02:00) Me: pula is and thennnnn
(AM 02:00) (hana): it's ON THE OTHER HAND laaaa
(AM 02:00) Me: and then he dowan to go to school
(AM 02:01) Me: nooooooo
(AM 02:01) Me: its and thennnnnnnn
(AM 02:01) (hana): hahahahahahahahahahaha
(AM 02:01) Me: i want to go and thennnn he dowan. (translated in next line)
(AM 02:01) Me: aku nak pegi dia tanak pegi pulak.
(AM 02:01) Me: see?
(AM 02:01) Me: i rock.
(AM 02:01) (hana): YA LA, on the other hand laaaaa
(AM 02:01) Me: and thennnnnnnnn.
(AM 02:01) (hana): on the other haaannnddd
(AM 02:01) Me: and thennnnnnnnnn?
(AM 02:01) (hana): nick kamu salah pula (translated in next line)
(AM 02:02) Me: and then your nick is wrong!
(AM 02:02) Me: HAH
(AM 02:02) (hana): WHAT THE HELL
(AM 02:02) (hana): HAHAHAA
read on if you haven't had enough of high, energizer- bunny chirpy girls' conversation.
(AM 02:12) Me: jam spuluh malam (news at ten)
(AM 02:12) Me: berita penting (important news)
(AM 02:13) Me: i cannot be malay newscaster
(AM 02:13) Me: berita penting (important news)
(AM 02:13) Me: lee kuan yew cakap dia nak berhenti keje (lee kuan yes said he wants to quit his job)
(AM 02:13) (hana): lee kuan yew cakap ngan kau ke perrrr (lee kuan yew tell you issit?)
(AM 02:15) Me: lee kuan yew bilang saya semalam di henpon (lee kuan yew told me yesterday on the handphone)
(AM 02:15) Me: tapi dia tak sempat bilang asal (but he didn't have the time to tell me why)
(AM 02:15) (hana): HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
(AM 02:15) Me: sebab bateri saya mati. (cuz my handphone battery died)
(AM 02:15) (hana): kepala ho (your he(ad)...)
(AM 02:15) (hana): hahahahaha
(AM 02:15) Me: akhir berita penting (end of important news)
(AM 02:15) (hana): hahahahha
(AM 02:15) Me: berita tak penting sangat. (not so important news)
(AM 02:15) (hana): WAHAHAHAHA
(AM 02:16) Me: sr nathan didapati bersalah dalam pencurian muruku beramai- ramai tempoh hari di tekka (sr nathan was found guilty for the mass theft of muruku last week at tekka)
(AM 02:16) Me: dengan itu (with that)
(AM 02:16) Me: beliau dilarang berlari sebagai presiden sekali lagi (he has been forbidden from running as president again)
(AM 02:16) Me: run for president.
okay am i like, gonna get sued? but those weren't even good political jokes man. not even political in any form at all! please don't sue me! it was all meant in good humour. i actually do honestly like sr nathan. really. i think he is a very nice old man. er ya. ok i better shut up.
anyway i got hungry halfway through aforementioned conversation and went down to get some twisties. like i told hana, "hidup tidak lurus tanpa twisties." yes. life's not straight without twisties. my malay will improve if i go on at this rate. but for no good reason.
(AM 02:20) Me: wah!
(AM 02:20) Me: i was just...
(AM 02:20) Me: k i took out 2 twistie
(AM 02:20) Me: then
(AM 02:20) Me: about to put in my mouth
(AM 02:20) Me: then the 2
(AM 02:20) Me: macam (like) magnet
(AM 02:20) Me: repel ke ape ntah (or something like that)
(AM 02:20) Me: then plop
(AM 02:20) Me: jatuh on e floor. (drop on the floor)
(AM 02:20) (hana): -__
(AM 02:20) Me: ehehhhhhhh
(AM 02:20) Me: mate die ilanggggggggg (one eye is missingggg!)
(AM 02:20) (hana): hahahha
(AM 02:21) (hana): jatuh bersama samam twisties ke lantai (it fell with the twisties to the floor)
(AM 02:21) Me: kesian. (poor thing)
(AM 02:21) Me: tersembab biji matanya. (the eyeball is swollen)
(AM 02:21) Me: tercocok dek twisties. (poked by twisties)
ok la all that? only funny if you're malay. and i hope that made all you people who think your malay is terrible feel alot better. by the way if you're wondering why i suddenly so terrer (er, skillful) in translating on my blog, its all thanks to BHANOT. yes. this is the the wonderful, miracle- man who came up with the idea of an ONLINE malay- english dictionary. go get one on your bookmark or favourites; dictionary.bhanot.net.
yay this just in. minah sisterhood congregating for lunch at city hall tomorrow. if you sense trepidations and hear loud laughter within the vicinity (minimum radius of 1km), that's us. do drop by and say hi. :)
oh and more good news. the belo one and me are fine. we made up. we got a date next saturday. now if he cancels out on me, he's in for more hell than dante's peak.
its been a good day. nice long nap and good long read. hope yours was as good.
sleep with eyes wide open
jammed with another band tonight. not bad. goth metal. not my thang, so prolly just do this one gig with them then i'm sticking with the wan- man- tulang- amien group. i wonder if they have a band name just yet. hmm.
then popular at northpoint where, wonder of wonders! BOOK SALE! got two books (THICK THICK ONES TO KEEP ME HOOKED FOR AT LEAST 2 WEEKS YAY!) for 11 bucks. cheap cheap buy buy!
speaking of which. actually not relevant. but speaking of which. yesterday from nus to harman's friend place, we rode spencer's 1.5 litre honda. small asian car. meant for 6 adults, at most. there was 8. imagine. 8 adults. 2 upfront, spencer the driver, and harman, who declared much ahead of car ride that he wants to sit at the front. besides he was the biggest- size guy so that was only right. or maybe anton... nah. harman was the right choice (for pics of these boys, see archives. musical photos). so at the back was mel, anton, and sara. with nyd on mel, weizhe on anton and me on sara. and cuz i felt terrible if i were to sit on sara, i half sat on the door handle thingy at the side and quarter sat on her and quarter floated. my legs were so high up that people across the road would have been able to see my undies. my knees were clearly visible too, to passing cars. oh the joy.
several limbs went missing that night. i lost my buttcrack, an inch of my scalp, and was paralysed on my left side. anton lost some armpit hair. i think. nydia was willing to give me her buttcrack but i politely declined. i told spencer to save the buttcrack if he sees it the next day. i might need it. for all the low- cut jeans. hoo hoo.
words exchanged include;
"eh i farted." "whaaaat?!" "haha i lied." "i've never been happier to hear that line."
"ok bump ahead." "oh nooo." *bump* "ow ow ow! my head! oh my head!" "is it wedged yet? if it isn't you should. if its already wedged in, it can't be wedged in in a bump."
"are you guys ok?" "ya we're fine as long as we continue talking and the spirits are up we're fine. if we stop talking then it'll be a long ride." "ya, and as long as we remain conscious too."
"wah my feet is so high up, i can kick spencer's head.'
:) good times, we have. will miss that.
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Babyface; Nobody Knows It But Me
all i can do now is say i love you and hope you understand. and hope it solves everything.
jammed with another band tonight. not bad. goth metal. not my thang, so prolly just do this one gig with them then i'm sticking with the wan- man- tulang- amien group. i wonder if they have a band name just yet. hmm.
then popular at northpoint where, wonder of wonders! BOOK SALE! got two books (THICK THICK ONES TO KEEP ME HOOKED FOR AT LEAST 2 WEEKS YAY!) for 11 bucks. cheap cheap buy buy!
speaking of which. actually not relevant. but speaking of which. yesterday from nus to harman's friend place, we rode spencer's 1.5 litre honda. small asian car. meant for 6 adults, at most. there was 8. imagine. 8 adults. 2 upfront, spencer the driver, and harman, who declared much ahead of car ride that he wants to sit at the front. besides he was the biggest- size guy so that was only right. or maybe anton... nah. harman was the right choice (for pics of these boys, see archives. musical photos). so at the back was mel, anton, and sara. with nyd on mel, weizhe on anton and me on sara. and cuz i felt terrible if i were to sit on sara, i half sat on the door handle thingy at the side and quarter sat on her and quarter floated. my legs were so high up that people across the road would have been able to see my undies. my knees were clearly visible too, to passing cars. oh the joy.
several limbs went missing that night. i lost my buttcrack, an inch of my scalp, and was paralysed on my left side. anton lost some armpit hair. i think. nydia was willing to give me her buttcrack but i politely declined. i told spencer to save the buttcrack if he sees it the next day. i might need it. for all the low- cut jeans. hoo hoo.
words exchanged include;
"eh i farted." "whaaaat?!" "haha i lied." "i've never been happier to hear that line."
"ok bump ahead." "oh nooo." *bump* "ow ow ow! my head! oh my head!" "is it wedged yet? if it isn't you should. if its already wedged in, it can't be wedged in in a bump."
"are you guys ok?" "ya we're fine as long as we continue talking and the spirits are up we're fine. if we stop talking then it'll be a long ride." "ya, and as long as we remain conscious too."
"wah my feet is so high up, i can kick spencer's head.'
:) good times, we have. will miss that.
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Babyface; Nobody Knows It But Me
all i can do now is say i love you and hope you understand. and hope it solves everything.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
every plop on the floor
every trail of wet drops on my cheeks
hold it close and sear it in your heart
for these tears won't drop for nothing.
this calls for a downright proper emotional shutdown. damage control is utmost priority now. time for the fuck- it, fuck- you- and- fuck- the- world, devil- may- care- attitude. i will not let you get to me and even if you do, nobody will know it but me, and mr. babyface serenading me here now. goodbye emotions,
you just past me by, it still makes me cry
many things to say about today. a day of epiphanies, one might say.
started off the day with peejay, ended the day with nus.
let's work backwards. so we all went to harman's friends place, drinks and card games. had fun. funny people, hilarious liars... we played murder. am getting good at these card games. heh heh heh.
before that was bump- off at nus. before that, last musical run at toa payoh. not too bad, no one was really up to it so showmanship wasn't all that great but hey. we tried, we did it, its done.
tonight was a night of tears. during musical and cab home. i will be the last to admit why i am hurt but i'll be a fool to deny i am. but pride has a way of getting in the way of confessions and no, i refuse to admit to anyone, even myself, why i cried. sorry nyd. thanks for the hug and fel, if you read this, the tissues, though a small gesture, was much- appreciated. :)
wayyyyy before all this, was peejay. which is a bulk of what i want to talk about.
i guess for a long time i held on to the memories in peejay no matter how ugly, and simultaneously, held on to the crowd there. i held on for so long i romanticised it all, softening the harsh tones of the past memories there with my own rose- tinted brush. every time i go back i look forward to it, chirpy like a child, excited for no apparent reason. and today i realized, there is no reason. i was hoping for something that was never there. i was hoping on things that never existed in the realm of peejay except in my head. what i thought was home and a family of friends is a fluke. i never socialized in peejay! all i had was a high- profile boyfriend whom i've broken up with. i have friends there, yes, but none i will call on a random day for a chat or coffee. i tried so hard to belong in a community there when all along they never had a place for me.
i was scared to let go of that past cuz i was uncertain about the future. that being the one in nus. i was afraid that the new society, new surroundings will doom me friendless for life. i was afraid that i would not fit in, that i would never find a niche. though i was more than happy to live alone, eat alone, nothing feels homely in school like a group of friends, none too chummy, just a few that you know and are happy to be with daily.
then tonight, today, i realized that, hey, i'm fine. i have people in nus who are fine with me as i am. people who will make way for me. people who love me regardless. this new surroundings is fine. i don't have to hold on to the past anymore. i can let it go, and come back to visit it as and when i want, without hope and wishes for a bright, happy picture.
peejay has lost its charm on me. the school held much, but not enough.
and maybe same goes for you. you were part of this past. and maybe i kept trying to let you go but my mistake was not realizing letting you go means more than just you. you're a whole timeline, a whole lifetime in peejay. and maybe once i stop romanticising peejay, i will stop romanticising the notion of love with you. maybe now i will realize that you are so much a part of me that letting you go is not as easy as a cut- and- go surgery. you're embedded deep within but the day will come i know, when you finally move further and further away and beyond me, till you're finally gone and out of my system. or you might stay forever. whatever it is, i have chosen to stop thinking of you and us. if this is going to lead anywhere, let Him guide the way.
igive up am letting it out of my hands. should have known all along it wasn't within my control. the game of love is not my cuppa.
i shall pursue my interest, a band i auditioned for recall me and would like me to sing for their upcoming gig. small break, but a nice start. maybe rockstar dreams can come true. heh.
pride is a strong and powerful emotion. for me, it even kills envy and jealousy. cuz i have too much pride to even admit either. so jealousy is not the strongest emotion for me. my pride is so strong that though i cried tonight, it was only for seconds and no one knows why. i am not ashamed of my tears, i am not ashamed of the cause, but i would rather be a foul- mouthed cussing bitch than a sappy, sobbing mellowed widow.
you get my drift.
the whole body aches after a game of captain's ball and a run of the musical. but all's well end's well. a nice long sleep shall do me good.
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
Babyface; Nobody Knows It But Me
that aside, i am sorry if you did not understand me tonight maybe i was incoherent, maybe you just couldn't see things my way. but you cannot accuse me of being irrelevantly emotional cuz if i can't feel then what else am i to do? i felt what i felt and nothing you say can change what i felt and did as a result. its all been done. i think you will never understand, just like i will never understand. and maybe its best that way. maybe there's a reason to all this madness.
hold me now its hard for me to say i'm sorry
i just want you to stay
and after all that you've been through
i will make it up to you
i promise you, baby
and after all thats been said and done you're just a part of me i cant let go
Chicago; Hard For Me to Say I'm Sorry
all this pain and tears tires me. being a girl exhausts me. that's why i keep alluding myself to a guy cuz that way, i am mentally stronger and less emotional.
but whatever. all talk. i should sleep this all away.
there is method in (her) madness. Dracula; Bram Stoker.
many things to say about today. a day of epiphanies, one might say.
started off the day with peejay, ended the day with nus.
let's work backwards. so we all went to harman's friends place, drinks and card games. had fun. funny people, hilarious liars... we played murder. am getting good at these card games. heh heh heh.
before that was bump- off at nus. before that, last musical run at toa payoh. not too bad, no one was really up to it so showmanship wasn't all that great but hey. we tried, we did it, its done.
tonight was a night of tears. during musical and cab home. i will be the last to admit why i am hurt but i'll be a fool to deny i am. but pride has a way of getting in the way of confessions and no, i refuse to admit to anyone, even myself, why i cried. sorry nyd. thanks for the hug and fel, if you read this, the tissues, though a small gesture, was much- appreciated. :)
wayyyyy before all this, was peejay. which is a bulk of what i want to talk about.
i guess for a long time i held on to the memories in peejay no matter how ugly, and simultaneously, held on to the crowd there. i held on for so long i romanticised it all, softening the harsh tones of the past memories there with my own rose- tinted brush. every time i go back i look forward to it, chirpy like a child, excited for no apparent reason. and today i realized, there is no reason. i was hoping for something that was never there. i was hoping on things that never existed in the realm of peejay except in my head. what i thought was home and a family of friends is a fluke. i never socialized in peejay! all i had was a high- profile boyfriend whom i've broken up with. i have friends there, yes, but none i will call on a random day for a chat or coffee. i tried so hard to belong in a community there when all along they never had a place for me.
i was scared to let go of that past cuz i was uncertain about the future. that being the one in nus. i was afraid that the new society, new surroundings will doom me friendless for life. i was afraid that i would not fit in, that i would never find a niche. though i was more than happy to live alone, eat alone, nothing feels homely in school like a group of friends, none too chummy, just a few that you know and are happy to be with daily.
then tonight, today, i realized that, hey, i'm fine. i have people in nus who are fine with me as i am. people who will make way for me. people who love me regardless. this new surroundings is fine. i don't have to hold on to the past anymore. i can let it go, and come back to visit it as and when i want, without hope and wishes for a bright, happy picture.
peejay has lost its charm on me. the school held much, but not enough.
and maybe same goes for you. you were part of this past. and maybe i kept trying to let you go but my mistake was not realizing letting you go means more than just you. you're a whole timeline, a whole lifetime in peejay. and maybe once i stop romanticising peejay, i will stop romanticising the notion of love with you. maybe now i will realize that you are so much a part of me that letting you go is not as easy as a cut- and- go surgery. you're embedded deep within but the day will come i know, when you finally move further and further away and beyond me, till you're finally gone and out of my system. or you might stay forever. whatever it is, i have chosen to stop thinking of you and us. if this is going to lead anywhere, let Him guide the way.
i
i shall pursue my interest, a band i auditioned for recall me and would like me to sing for their upcoming gig. small break, but a nice start. maybe rockstar dreams can come true. heh.
pride is a strong and powerful emotion. for me, it even kills envy and jealousy. cuz i have too much pride to even admit either. so jealousy is not the strongest emotion for me. my pride is so strong that though i cried tonight, it was only for seconds and no one knows why. i am not ashamed of my tears, i am not ashamed of the cause, but i would rather be a foul- mouthed cussing bitch than a sappy, sobbing mellowed widow.
you get my drift.
the whole body aches after a game of captain's ball and a run of the musical. but all's well end's well. a nice long sleep shall do me good.
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
Babyface; Nobody Knows It But Me
that aside, i am sorry if you did not understand me tonight maybe i was incoherent, maybe you just couldn't see things my way. but you cannot accuse me of being irrelevantly emotional cuz if i can't feel then what else am i to do? i felt what i felt and nothing you say can change what i felt and did as a result. its all been done. i think you will never understand, just like i will never understand. and maybe its best that way. maybe there's a reason to all this madness.
hold me now its hard for me to say i'm sorry
i just want you to stay
and after all that you've been through
i will make it up to you
i promise you, baby
and after all thats been said and done you're just a part of me i cant let go
Chicago; Hard For Me to Say I'm Sorry
all this pain and tears tires me. being a girl exhausts me. that's why i keep alluding myself to a guy cuz that way, i am mentally stronger and less emotional.
but whatever. all talk. i should sleep this all away.
there is method in (her) madness. Dracula; Bram Stoker.
Friday, June 03, 2005
hic!
i've got the hic!.. cups. how annoying.
tomorrow is peejay- yay- yay- yay. belo belo belo belo. tomorrow i shall have a belo feast! :D
belo is er, mad, silly, along those lines. dum dum dum. and peejay is short for pioneer junior college. why am i explaining myself?
i saw a cute guy today hey hey hey. and tomorrow i will play touch rugby, watch some people play floorball (BOO HOCKEY) and soccer. lalalala. then i have one more run of the musical. hoo whee.
sunday i might be jamming with kris and his band. dum dee da dee da. many many bands, many many singing.
i am happy. :) looking forward to tomorroooooooooooooow.
anyway for the concerned, i am fine. had my red meat in the form of a ramly burger. special, beef, egg and cheese. slurp.
now the issue of what to wear. for game, for peejay, for musical. whooooooosh.
i am just randomly rambling. happy happy happy... *trails off*
i've got the hic!.. cups. how annoying.
tomorrow is peejay- yay- yay- yay. belo belo belo belo. tomorrow i shall have a belo feast! :D
belo is er, mad, silly, along those lines. dum dum dum. and peejay is short for pioneer junior college. why am i explaining myself?
i saw a cute guy today hey hey hey. and tomorrow i will play touch rugby, watch some people play floorball (BOO HOCKEY) and soccer. lalalala. then i have one more run of the musical. hoo whee.
sunday i might be jamming with kris and his band. dum dee da dee da. many many bands, many many singing.
i am happy. :) looking forward to tomorroooooooooooooow.
anyway for the concerned, i am fine. had my red meat in the form of a ramly burger. special, beef, egg and cheese. slurp.
now the issue of what to wear. for game, for peejay, for musical. whooooooosh.
i am just randomly rambling. happy happy happy... *trails off*
pound some pavement
run, run, run.
one foot after the other. rhythmic, constant, hypnotic. one foot after the other, one foot after the other.
look up and see the dark sky of dawn sliced open by streaks of sunrise.
look down and feel the ground move.
keep running.
one foot after the other. run, run, run.
must keep the pace, must keep the rhythm.
black out.
wake- up in a clinic. call your mum. thank the police officer who brought you there. listen to the doctor. nod in agreement.
walk in a daze back home.
"eat more red meat!"
anemia is the bitch.
Anemia occurs when the number of red blood cells falls below normal and the body gets less oxygen and therefore has less energy than it needs to function properly.
bedridden. bah.
run, run, run.
one foot after the other. rhythmic, constant, hypnotic. one foot after the other, one foot after the other.
look up and see the dark sky of dawn sliced open by streaks of sunrise.
look down and feel the ground move.
keep running.
one foot after the other. run, run, run.
must keep the pace, must keep the rhythm.
wake- up in a clinic. call your mum. thank the police officer who brought you there. listen to the doctor. nod in agreement.
walk in a daze back home.
"eat more red meat!"
anemia is the bitch.
Anemia occurs when the number of red blood cells falls below normal and the body gets less oxygen and therefore has less energy than it needs to function properly.
bedridden. bah.
everything that is wrong is here
today was actually a pretty good day. had dinner with mum. got myself some nice fried calamari and a botak coconut.
but i passed by... something. and someone whom i thought was a friend is suddenly being a jerk due to an incident yesterday.
sometimes i think happiness is a bait, a lure to tempt you into sadness. when you know happiness, you recognize sadness. and sadness sucks.
i am disappointed. if you can't take a comment, if you cannot put it into your stubborn mind that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, if you cannot accept criticism from your own friend then. aiya. then too bad la.and if you so desperately want the money i can give it, don't worry. and trust me, i've done a jillion accounts transfers. i will keep the receipt for you and shove it under your nose as proof i transferred the bloody cash. such fuss for 13 bucks. if you needed it so badly why didn't you ask when we met? there is no doubt in my mind that this is your way of lashing out at me for wednesday. well so be it then. get your cash, i can pay you double if you want, if it only means it gets you out of my face. if you read this, well correct me if i'm wrong. i don't see why else you will kick such a fuss over an amount so menial to you previously.
if i can accept criticism from you i don't see why you can't do the same. and i already mentioned that you had your opinion and i had mine and since we clearly weren't about to agree there was no point in discussing it further. but you insist. so well there you have it. be proud that you're not a pushover who takes flak from strangers, i am prouder for not taking flak from friends. if i think what you did wasn't nice, i will tell you, regardless of whether we are good friends or not. but if that is something you cannot accept well then clearly we can't be friends. cuz i'm not about to stop and become a pushover for you.
sod this. boys are weird. and that was striked out cuz half of me felt it was unnecessary to put it up. jeyll and hyde y'all.
faidzal called me today. after texting me last night, "i'm sorry to say i couldn't speak to you anymore." i replied, "oh ok." tonight he called, attempted conversation, failed to see how awkward it was, and had me pointing out, "do you have a reason for calling? last night you said you can't talk to me anymore." and he said something like, "ah tu la i pun tengah pikir ni (hmm ya that's why i'm wondering the same too)." HUH?!?!?! like BIG BIG MANY HUHS?!?!?! then i said, "faidzal, did you get me. i asked you if you have a reason for calling, if not we should really end this awkward conversation."
him, "ah ah eh. i pun tak tau asal i call. hmm ape aje la kau ni faidzal (oh ya. i also don't know why i called. hmm whatever is wrong with you faidzal)."
O_O
if that isn't proof of weirdness, i don't know what is.
now i know i shouldn't just lump all these boys into one category. friend- turned- weird and faidzal- turned- weird are very different people. but bottomline is, they turn weird. easily. phwoar. (ok la ok la girls turn weird even easier. but let me be can?)
let's talk about nice boys. let's talk about hafiz and imran. yes wow. haha. (pink for fags! ok should be purple but i thought this pink was pretty. and i think they will have a cardiac arrest if they see i've mentioned their names in the same breathe. har har har.) they are both nice boys now cuz they talk to me and entertain me and get entertained and the friendship is easy and happy and full of laughter; no pettiness. i hate petty men. fucken pussies. excuse the language. but ya. if you're gonna be all sensitive- new- age- guy try making it two- way and not just at your convenience. pffft.
hafiz called me and let me call him smelly as a tikus mengandung (pregnant mouse- not sure if they smell but hey sounds garang/ fierce.) then we talked about this saturday's event. and how there is no TOUCH RUGBY. and how there is soccer which is not even a peejay cca. harumph. then he listened to me whine about hockey- players. which is what he was. haha. i said, "i can't stand hockey players you know. all you people walk around with your hockey sticks, swaggering. eeeyer." "eh! you don't like hockey players but two of your ex- boyfriends are hockey players." "ah ya la that's why they're exes. hahahaha." "oi! ... oi!" hahahaha.
"ya what once a hockey player always a hockey player. and you were a hockey captain so that makes you a big hockey evangelist." "eh sekarang aku seorang pegawai civil defence aku tidak lagi (eh i am now a civil defence officer i no longer)..." "oi oi why you talking malay you're scaring me!" "eh what i am talking formal malay la. saya seorang pegawai civil defence yang bertugas..." "ok stop it stop it i don't want to talk to you already." "wah action ah you now ah."
(are you guys blind already?)
hahaha ok enough. i think that conversation is funny only to me. :D
so yes. the two exes make my days now. will wonder never cease? i am glad for friends who stay normal and sane despite it all. and i am also glad for new galpals who gives hope for a bridesmaid for me. i was worried that i will be pulling hana and farhana pretty tight, being my only girlprens. hehe.so sara, nydia, here's a big shoutout from me; THANKEE.
oh wow what a mood reversal. i am happy again. hahaha. which means soon i will be sad. all this anticipation is meddling with my mind.
tomorrow i will not have tuition, tomorrow i will jam with a potential new band. whee ooh whee.
and i think after that very awkward conversation, i can no longer worry about calls from faidzal. and after giving the friend the money, i guess i will be hearing less from him too. *shrugs* ah well. i'll live. hah.
Here is the money that I owe you,
Yeah you can pay your bills
Everclear; I Will Buy You a New Life
it seems like life is a cycle. 4 years after i left gan eng seng, the people there are back here in my life. and no matter how i try to let go, no matter how far i walk away, i seem to walk in circles and end up right beside you again. and slowly i learn to not resist fate and your constant presence is now addictive.
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Faith Hill; There You'll Be
today was actually a pretty good day. had dinner with mum. got myself some nice fried calamari and a botak coconut.
but i passed by... something. and someone whom i thought was a friend is suddenly being a jerk due to an incident yesterday.
sometimes i think happiness is a bait, a lure to tempt you into sadness. when you know happiness, you recognize sadness. and sadness sucks.
i am disappointed. if you can't take a comment, if you cannot put it into your stubborn mind that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, if you cannot accept criticism from your own friend then. aiya. then too bad la.
if i can accept criticism from you i don't see why you can't do the same. and i already mentioned that you had your opinion and i had mine and since we clearly weren't about to agree there was no point in discussing it further. but you insist. so well there you have it. be proud that you're not a pushover who takes flak from strangers, i am prouder for not taking flak from friends. if i think what you did wasn't nice, i will tell you, regardless of whether we are good friends or not. but if that is something you cannot accept well then clearly we can't be friends. cuz i'm not about to stop and become a pushover for you.
sod this. boys are weird. and that was striked out cuz half of me felt it was unnecessary to put it up. jeyll and hyde y'all.
faidzal called me today. after texting me last night, "i'm sorry to say i couldn't speak to you anymore." i replied, "oh ok." tonight he called, attempted conversation, failed to see how awkward it was, and had me pointing out, "do you have a reason for calling? last night you said you can't talk to me anymore." and he said something like, "ah tu la i pun tengah pikir ni (hmm ya that's why i'm wondering the same too)." HUH?!?!?! like BIG BIG MANY HUHS?!?!?! then i said, "faidzal, did you get me. i asked you if you have a reason for calling, if not we should really end this awkward conversation."
him, "ah ah eh. i pun tak tau asal i call. hmm ape aje la kau ni faidzal (oh ya. i also don't know why i called. hmm whatever is wrong with you faidzal)."
if that isn't proof of weirdness, i don't know what is.
now i know i shouldn't just lump all these boys into one category. friend- turned- weird and faidzal- turned- weird are very different people. but bottomline is, they turn weird. easily. phwoar. (ok la ok la girls turn weird even easier. but let me be can?)
let's talk about nice boys. let's talk about hafiz and imran. yes wow. haha. (pink for fags! ok should be purple but i thought this pink was pretty. and i think they will have a cardiac arrest if they see i've mentioned their names in the same breathe. har har har.) they are both nice boys now cuz they talk to me and entertain me and get entertained and the friendship is easy and happy and full of laughter; no pettiness. i hate petty men. fucken pussies. excuse the language. but ya. if you're gonna be all sensitive- new- age- guy try making it two- way and not just at your convenience. pffft.
hafiz called me and let me call him smelly as a tikus mengandung (pregnant mouse- not sure if they smell but hey sounds garang/ fierce.) then we talked about this saturday's event. and how there is no TOUCH RUGBY. and how there is soccer which is not even a peejay cca. harumph. then he listened to me whine about hockey- players. which is what he was. haha. i said, "i can't stand hockey players you know. all you people walk around with your hockey sticks, swaggering. eeeyer." "eh! you don't like hockey players but two of your ex- boyfriends are hockey players." "ah ya la that's why they're exes. hahahaha." "oi! ... oi!" hahahaha.
"ya what once a hockey player always a hockey player. and you were a hockey captain so that makes you a big hockey evangelist." "eh sekarang aku seorang pegawai civil defence aku tidak lagi (eh i am now a civil defence officer i no longer)..." "oi oi why you talking malay you're scaring me!" "eh what i am talking formal malay la. saya seorang pegawai civil defence yang bertugas..." "ok stop it stop it i don't want to talk to you already." "wah action ah you now ah."
(are you guys blind already?)
hahaha ok enough. i think that conversation is funny only to me. :D
so yes. the two exes make my days now. will wonder never cease? i am glad for friends who stay normal and sane despite it all. and i am also glad for new galpals who gives hope for a bridesmaid for me. i was worried that i will be pulling hana and farhana pretty tight, being my only girlprens. hehe.so sara, nydia, here's a big shoutout from me; THANKEE.
oh wow what a mood reversal. i am happy again. hahaha. which means soon i will be sad. all this anticipation is meddling with my mind.
tomorrow i will not have tuition, tomorrow i will jam with a potential new band. whee ooh whee.
and i think after that very awkward conversation, i can no longer worry about calls from faidzal. and after giving the friend the money, i guess i will be hearing less from him too. *shrugs* ah well. i'll live. hah.
Here is the money that I owe you,
Yeah you can pay your bills
Everclear; I Will Buy You a New Life
it seems like life is a cycle. 4 years after i left gan eng seng, the people there are back here in my life. and no matter how i try to let go, no matter how far i walk away, i seem to walk in circles and end up right beside you again. and slowly i learn to not resist fate and your constant presence is now addictive.
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Faith Hill; There You'll Be
Thursday, June 02, 2005
my oh my
it is june. 6th month. midyear. half a year, gone. time, i will never grasp it well.
but the past two hours was time well- spent. edited my blog template, slowly learning HTML as i go along. hoo whee. by the way the main picture was taken at Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur. :) and the pic of me was by the lesbonbon, hana. taken at esplanade on a day long gone. ;)
exam results released today but mine's delayed due to dorm fees. not much of an issue, considering i already knew i screwed up last sem pretty badly. not looking forward to the Ds and Cs.
but i shall face the consequences; next sem i will pull up my cap, if that is the last thing i do in my life. i will do 6 mods, 7 if possible. more time i spend in school, less time i have to meddle around the unnecessary. :)
feeling very peaceful. last night chatting to hadi, the ex, the secondary school boipren of mine, i realized how everyone really changed after secondary school. so far i'm in touch with hadi, erwin, hairul, lut, wan, adam, sara, yana, imran, irwan, azri, farhan, hyaidi, farid, wahidah, nadia and of course farhana, and i must say none of are doing what we all thought we would back in gessian days. we all grew up and changed directions. some, like me, changed it at least a gazillion times in their minds. but we are all happy where we are and that's what matters. and no matter what, gessians will always have a dear place in my heart. <3 aww.
i think God has been very kind to me, giving me more than what i deserve. helping me even when i forget Him and His words at times. i'm sorry dear God, everyday i try to tell myself to be closer to You. insya'allah.
last night i was also on the phone with imran the other ex. haha. cuz he was bored at work. fun times we shared, and it was nice reminiscing. but he was always such a bitchy ass, and he still is. proud of it too, that faggot. hahaha.
yesterday was rehearsals. for musical. yes yes i know, i thought its over! well lo and behold, we have one LAST FINAL run this saturday at TOA PAYOH AMPHITHEATRE for FREE. why? cuz these people (who wants the show at toa payoh) was one of our big sponsors. so yeah. if you missed the nicer run at ACS (Barker), you can come to this one. abridged version with some changes to cast due to people who have gone for SEPs and vacations. but ya. pretty much the same show.
after rehearsals was town with the sisterhood, inclusive of mel who have joined the group. she is the baba minah. cuz she's peranakan. rrrrrrright. headed to BK Liat, then me and sara did some banking matters, went borders to get a pretty lil' notebook, met yana- a fellow gessian, and then back to BK Liat. we then headed to zara which was SOOOO temptingly near and of course, everyone else left zara empty- handed except for me. i proudly stepped out $11.90 poorer but with a sweet tee in hand. SCOOOOOOORE.
met khalid at the control station, bummed at starbucks cali fitness then walked to taka zara for some window- shopping. went WH too. and GUESS?. should go see. GUESS? stuff are going at 70% off. some looked trashy though. and some were $219 so 70% doesn't make it any much cheaper. haha. we ended up at starbucks liat. i had my coffee. then we moved to BK Liat. where he had his onion rings.
speaking of which. i bumped into nid, fellow rugger from peejay. according to her peejay ruggers are going back on saturday's past present day to play rugby even though there is no such official event lined up. i say i'm in. if any of you know of any other peejay ruggers i.e. aleen, mariam, do let them know. it'll be fun. in fact if you peejayians wanna join our game, you're very welcome. :) can't wait to go back to peejay. 1) see fellow peejayians i haven't seen in a while, 2) play touch and 3) see the belo one.
hmm saturday's gonna be hellish for me. 11- 4ish; peejay past present day. 4ish- 11ish; musical run + pack- up back to nus. gee whizz.
tuition later at 7.30 p.m. and tomorrow at 8.30 p.m. yes yes i succumbed to the paper note calling. i need the cash, tutoring is the easiest job around that pays well. so there goes. sighhhhhhhhhh. hope i get nice families. i hate it when the kid is lazy and the mum is full of this wishy- washy high hopes. get a grip la. results and miracles can't happen overnight.
ok i must remember to start today with an open mind and a positive attitude. and for the cows in blue heavens please let me run tonight. my run have been postponed since monday due to all sorts of unforeseen circumstances. *mumble mumble*
alright off to causeway point for some body shop and esprit lovin' then dinner with mum then tuition.
happy holidays one and all! (i know, i know. now SHE'S in a good mood! contagious, innit?)
it is june. 6th month. midyear. half a year, gone. time, i will never grasp it well.
but the past two hours was time well- spent. edited my blog template, slowly learning HTML as i go along. hoo whee. by the way the main picture was taken at Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur. :) and the pic of me was by the lesbonbon, hana. taken at esplanade on a day long gone. ;)
exam results released today but mine's delayed due to dorm fees. not much of an issue, considering i already knew i screwed up last sem pretty badly. not looking forward to the Ds and Cs.
but i shall face the consequences; next sem i will pull up my cap, if that is the last thing i do in my life. i will do 6 mods, 7 if possible. more time i spend in school, less time i have to meddle around the unnecessary. :)
feeling very peaceful. last night chatting to hadi, the ex, the secondary school boipren of mine, i realized how everyone really changed after secondary school. so far i'm in touch with hadi, erwin, hairul, lut, wan, adam, sara, yana, imran, irwan, azri, farhan, hyaidi, farid, wahidah, nadia and of course farhana, and i must say none of are doing what we all thought we would back in gessian days. we all grew up and changed directions. some, like me, changed it at least a gazillion times in their minds. but we are all happy where we are and that's what matters. and no matter what, gessians will always have a dear place in my heart. <3 aww.
i think God has been very kind to me, giving me more than what i deserve. helping me even when i forget Him and His words at times. i'm sorry dear God, everyday i try to tell myself to be closer to You. insya'allah.
last night i was also on the phone with imran the other ex. haha. cuz he was bored at work. fun times we shared, and it was nice reminiscing. but he was always such a bitchy ass, and he still is. proud of it too, that faggot. hahaha.
yesterday was rehearsals. for musical. yes yes i know, i thought its over! well lo and behold, we have one LAST FINAL run this saturday at TOA PAYOH AMPHITHEATRE for FREE. why? cuz these people (who wants the show at toa payoh) was one of our big sponsors. so yeah. if you missed the nicer run at ACS (Barker), you can come to this one. abridged version with some changes to cast due to people who have gone for SEPs and vacations. but ya. pretty much the same show.
after rehearsals was town with the sisterhood, inclusive of mel who have joined the group. she is the baba minah. cuz she's peranakan. rrrrrrright. headed to BK Liat, then me and sara did some banking matters, went borders to get a pretty lil' notebook, met yana- a fellow gessian, and then back to BK Liat. we then headed to zara which was SOOOO temptingly near and of course, everyone else left zara empty- handed except for me. i proudly stepped out $11.90 poorer but with a sweet tee in hand. SCOOOOOOORE.
met khalid at the control station, bummed at starbucks cali fitness then walked to taka zara for some window- shopping. went WH too. and GUESS?. should go see. GUESS? stuff are going at 70% off. some looked trashy though. and some were $219 so 70% doesn't make it any much cheaper. haha. we ended up at starbucks liat. i had my coffee. then we moved to BK Liat. where he had his onion rings.
speaking of which. i bumped into nid, fellow rugger from peejay. according to her peejay ruggers are going back on saturday's past present day to play rugby even though there is no such official event lined up. i say i'm in. if any of you know of any other peejay ruggers i.e. aleen, mariam, do let them know. it'll be fun. in fact if you peejayians wanna join our game, you're very welcome. :) can't wait to go back to peejay. 1) see fellow peejayians i haven't seen in a while, 2) play touch and 3) see the belo one.
hmm saturday's gonna be hellish for me. 11- 4ish; peejay past present day. 4ish- 11ish; musical run + pack- up back to nus. gee whizz.
tuition later at 7.30 p.m. and tomorrow at 8.30 p.m. yes yes i succumbed to the paper note calling. i need the cash, tutoring is the easiest job around that pays well. so there goes. sighhhhhhhhhh. hope i get nice families. i hate it when the kid is lazy and the mum is full of this wishy- washy high hopes. get a grip la. results and miracles can't happen overnight.
ok i must remember to start today with an open mind and a positive attitude. and for the cows in blue heavens please let me run tonight. my run have been postponed since monday due to all sorts of unforeseen circumstances. *mumble mumble*
alright off to causeway point for some body shop and esprit lovin' then dinner with mum then tuition.
happy holidays one and all! (i know, i know. now SHE'S in a good mood! contagious, innit?)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
help has arrived
came across this in a magazine i found lying around and i think its pretty spot- on. the general idea. but i'll try to elaborate to make it more relevant to girls like me. uhh, if there is any la.
its titled:
5 Dating Don'ts!
1. ...if you are constantly messaging her and calling her 24/7 you will not only irritate and annoy her but pretty soon she will find you a nuisance... give her space and make her wonder why you only message her infrequently. very true. i think this applies to most humans, couples, siblings, parents. anyone. the minute you call the person more than twice in 10 minutes, yeah, they'll get pretty peeved. its ok if you got good reason but if you're just calling or texting or making general contact for no reason, it cease to be sweet and degenerates to just plain annoying.
2. the biggest mistake that most guys make is being too damn nice... most girls find nice guys boring, unexciting and predictable. again. a bit of a duh cuz why else do every girl go through a bad- boy phase? granted it doesn't mean being not nice means you will get the girls. the point here is be yourself. don't try to be nice and sappy or sweet if you're not. chances are, you'll go further. nice guys do, tend to get dull after awhile, especially if there is nothing else to him besides, well, nice.
3. most guys think that they have to buy big expensive gifts and take the girl on expensive dates to get a girl to like them. not true. yes they are materialistic girls; but surely those aren't the ones you're looking for? even if you do get her, chances are she likes your wallet, not you. as the article says, if love could be bought then the guy who spends the most money will get the girl.
4. most guys are guilty of talking too much of themselves and their achievements. the worst are those who go on and on about all the army stuff they did during the national service. honestly, we, or at least, *i* don't give two hoots if you were in the starting 11 of your school soccer team, or the officer in army. if you think these things makes you desirable, you are wrong. the fact that you have to go on and on about these glorious past achievements just goes to show you're not that in the present. conversation has to be two- way and should be you two getting to know each other. if you seem to be hearing your voice the whole night, no second date for you, boy.
5. never ever tell a girl how much you like her early on in the game. this will scare her off and make her run in the opposite direction. girls need time to know a guy and develop feelings for them. yes yes yes! again, if the girl was worthy, she wouldn't be all that comfy nor happy about hearing your oaths of undying love 2 days into knowing her. she will be freaked, and rightfully too. no matter how magical you think love is, feelings take time to develop and process. and sometimes it is too easy to confuse love, infatuation and crushes. if you barely know her and already feel so strongly, chances are its based on superficial factors, since you have yet to know the substance under that attraction. ...telling her how much you like her on the first date puts alot of pressure on her which she doesn't want to handle.
men, take this advice. if you know what's good for you. *cryptic voice*
came across this in a magazine i found lying around and i think its pretty spot- on. the general idea. but i'll try to elaborate to make it more relevant to girls like me. uhh, if there is any la.
its titled:
5 Dating Don'ts!
1. ...if you are constantly messaging her and calling her 24/7 you will not only irritate and annoy her but pretty soon she will find you a nuisance... give her space and make her wonder why you only message her infrequently. very true. i think this applies to most humans, couples, siblings, parents. anyone. the minute you call the person more than twice in 10 minutes, yeah, they'll get pretty peeved. its ok if you got good reason but if you're just calling or texting or making general contact for no reason, it cease to be sweet and degenerates to just plain annoying.
2. the biggest mistake that most guys make is being too damn nice... most girls find nice guys boring, unexciting and predictable. again. a bit of a duh cuz why else do every girl go through a bad- boy phase? granted it doesn't mean being not nice means you will get the girls. the point here is be yourself. don't try to be nice and sappy or sweet if you're not. chances are, you'll go further. nice guys do, tend to get dull after awhile, especially if there is nothing else to him besides, well, nice.
3. most guys think that they have to buy big expensive gifts and take the girl on expensive dates to get a girl to like them. not true. yes they are materialistic girls; but surely those aren't the ones you're looking for? even if you do get her, chances are she likes your wallet, not you. as the article says, if love could be bought then the guy who spends the most money will get the girl.
4. most guys are guilty of talking too much of themselves and their achievements. the worst are those who go on and on about all the army stuff they did during the national service. honestly, we, or at least, *i* don't give two hoots if you were in the starting 11 of your school soccer team, or the officer in army. if you think these things makes you desirable, you are wrong. the fact that you have to go on and on about these glorious past achievements just goes to show you're not that in the present. conversation has to be two- way and should be you two getting to know each other. if you seem to be hearing your voice the whole night, no second date for you, boy.
5. never ever tell a girl how much you like her early on in the game. this will scare her off and make her run in the opposite direction. girls need time to know a guy and develop feelings for them. yes yes yes! again, if the girl was worthy, she wouldn't be all that comfy nor happy about hearing your oaths of undying love 2 days into knowing her. she will be freaked, and rightfully too. no matter how magical you think love is, feelings take time to develop and process. and sometimes it is too easy to confuse love, infatuation and crushes. if you barely know her and already feel so strongly, chances are its based on superficial factors, since you have yet to know the substance under that attraction. ...telling her how much you like her on the first date puts alot of pressure on her which she doesn't want to handle.
men, take this advice. if you know what's good for you. *cryptic voice*
and so it is, just like you said it would be
to all the boys i loved/ liked/ adored, before;
did you even know i liked you? was i that good at hiding the truth? did you know i liked you and got scared cuz you didn't feel the same? did you even care that i adored you? did you try to drop me gently? did you think i was as harsh as my words? did you think that my rough words with you meant i could be handled roughly too? did you like me before i did? did you run because you felt me reciprocating? did you like me back? did you like me and left me, without my knowledge of either?
i know who you are. i love you. i love everything about you that hurts. -Larry, Closer.
i will never want to hold anyone back. far from it if you can fly, i want you to fly as far away as you can from me, just so i know my loss and appreciate presence more when its here. i will never have you stay when your heart tells you to leave. but i will never leave if you wanted me to stay. all you had to do was say it.
Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It's me, remember? It was a stupid thing to do and it meant nothing. If you love me enough, you'll forgive me. -Anna, Closer.
did you try knowing me? did you try reading my thoughts, hearing my lines, understanding my views? did you want to? did you mean it, every word, every utterance, every touch, every heartbeat i felt...? every lie?
What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world. -Dan, Closer.
can you live with the what ifs? do you look back, at all, ever? do you wonder at what- could- have- been? did you even like what we shared? did you even realize we were sharing something? did the private jokes and quiet laughter at things meaningful only to us, meant anything to you? were you aware of my quickened heartbeat when you stood near? did you ever saw me the way i saw you?
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time...
...I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
Damien Rice; Blower's Daughter
it is always easy for me to let go, to forget, to forgive, to learn and look back and smile. such ease. but it took so much for me to get here. each and every one of you were the costs. some of you i admired, for so long, for too long. held you up there, high and dry above others, smug and bemused at my high regards for you.
Why isn't love enough? -Alice, Closer.
the rest of you i liked and loved and befriended. i looked into your eyes, i shared your thoughts, i walked beside you, i spoke to you of things that matter. with you i grew, and a small part of me hoped we were growing together. when you tie two branches together they grow in the same direction. i guess one of us was too strong. maybe it was even me, who kept pulling in the opposite direction, without even knowing it.
There's a moment, there's always a moment, I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it, and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one. -Alice, Closer.
regret is not the word here. but forlorn. reminiscing. though i wonder at what could have been, i would never want to turn back time and even if i had to do it all again, i will do the exact same things i did. no point messing with history. i just hope all of us are happy, in our different places and time. i hope you found the missing piece that i couldn't fill up for. i hope when one day love hits us all in the face, we will see it and not run away because of the misery we shared.
You don't know the first thing about love, because you don't understand compromise. -Larry, Closer.
we learn a little, live a little. cry some, laugh more. when i hear songs that reminds me of you, i hope you smile too when you hear it. when i go to places that we used to go, i hope you see the same playbacks i see in my mind. if i never knew you, i hope one day i will get a chance to speak to you, just so i will know how it will be to have you speak a word to me, even if only once.
Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing. Closer.
now this has been a mighty depressing entry. well not really. i feel liberated to have said these words. and maybe someone else there feels the same. love was never meant to hold you down. love sets you free, gets you flying. i may not be in a relationship but i know love. and i know love is a many splendored thing.
I don't love you anymore. Goodbye. -Alice, Closer.
honesty to self is most important. self- denial brings you down, brought me down. lying to yourself denies you of what you really want. and sometimes what you want is not as far as you think. but fear, denial and many other foolish sentiments drives us away.
That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag. -Larry, Closer.
closer is a beautiful and cuttingly- honest movie on the best and ugliest things about love. also has the most beautiful movie soundtrack. love is ugly and full of pain. but we all take it for that one moment of floating among the stars. the very stars you once gazed together, but now gaze alone.
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new
to all the boys i loved/ liked/ adored, before;
did you even know i liked you? was i that good at hiding the truth? did you know i liked you and got scared cuz you didn't feel the same? did you even care that i adored you? did you try to drop me gently? did you think i was as harsh as my words? did you think that my rough words with you meant i could be handled roughly too? did you like me before i did? did you run because you felt me reciprocating? did you like me back? did you like me and left me, without my knowledge of either?
i know who you are. i love you. i love everything about you that hurts. -Larry, Closer.
i will never want to hold anyone back. far from it if you can fly, i want you to fly as far away as you can from me, just so i know my loss and appreciate presence more when its here. i will never have you stay when your heart tells you to leave. but i will never leave if you wanted me to stay. all you had to do was say it.
Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It's me, remember? It was a stupid thing to do and it meant nothing. If you love me enough, you'll forgive me. -Anna, Closer.
did you try knowing me? did you try reading my thoughts, hearing my lines, understanding my views? did you want to? did you mean it, every word, every utterance, every touch, every heartbeat i felt...? every lie?
What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world. -Dan, Closer.
can you live with the what ifs? do you look back, at all, ever? do you wonder at what- could- have- been? did you even like what we shared? did you even realize we were sharing something? did the private jokes and quiet laughter at things meaningful only to us, meant anything to you? were you aware of my quickened heartbeat when you stood near? did you ever saw me the way i saw you?
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time...
...I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
Damien Rice; Blower's Daughter
it is always easy for me to let go, to forget, to forgive, to learn and look back and smile. such ease. but it took so much for me to get here. each and every one of you were the costs. some of you i admired, for so long, for too long. held you up there, high and dry above others, smug and bemused at my high regards for you.
Why isn't love enough? -Alice, Closer.
the rest of you i liked and loved and befriended. i looked into your eyes, i shared your thoughts, i walked beside you, i spoke to you of things that matter. with you i grew, and a small part of me hoped we were growing together. when you tie two branches together they grow in the same direction. i guess one of us was too strong. maybe it was even me, who kept pulling in the opposite direction, without even knowing it.
There's a moment, there's always a moment, I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it, and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one. -Alice, Closer.
regret is not the word here. but forlorn. reminiscing. though i wonder at what could have been, i would never want to turn back time and even if i had to do it all again, i will do the exact same things i did. no point messing with history. i just hope all of us are happy, in our different places and time. i hope you found the missing piece that i couldn't fill up for. i hope when one day love hits us all in the face, we will see it and not run away because of the misery we shared.
You don't know the first thing about love, because you don't understand compromise. -Larry, Closer.
we learn a little, live a little. cry some, laugh more. when i hear songs that reminds me of you, i hope you smile too when you hear it. when i go to places that we used to go, i hope you see the same playbacks i see in my mind. if i never knew you, i hope one day i will get a chance to speak to you, just so i will know how it will be to have you speak a word to me, even if only once.
Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing. Closer.
now this has been a mighty depressing entry. well not really. i feel liberated to have said these words. and maybe someone else there feels the same. love was never meant to hold you down. love sets you free, gets you flying. i may not be in a relationship but i know love. and i know love is a many splendored thing.
I don't love you anymore. Goodbye. -Alice, Closer.
honesty to self is most important. self- denial brings you down, brought me down. lying to yourself denies you of what you really want. and sometimes what you want is not as far as you think. but fear, denial and many other foolish sentiments drives us away.
That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag. -Larry, Closer.
closer is a beautiful and cuttingly- honest movie on the best and ugliest things about love. also has the most beautiful movie soundtrack. love is ugly and full of pain. but we all take it for that one moment of floating among the stars. the very stars you once gazed together, but now gaze alone.
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new