I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
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Liverpool
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Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
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Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
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Milan
Pisa
Rome
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Prague
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
blogging from a new bed from a new room in a new home.
still sinking in. expect drastic reactions tomorrow or in 5 years' time.
the belo one came at 10 to help out a little. movers came, they were all malay boys, and the belo one turned paranoid. i put on perfume and he said i wanted to smell good for the movers. i wore my pearls and he gave me a look and said, "wah, accesorize some more." PUHLEEESE.
left soon after for jolly camaraderie at sentosa with many other peejay people.
there were so many boxes that we needed 2 trips. me my mum and my cousin headed for admiralty first to see over the moving of the stuff from the first trip.
i have never carried so much WEIGHT in my life before. even the moverboys were stunned. mind you, boxes up the stairs are a HUGE pain on the waist. i know cuz i have one now. argh.
i feel very strong though. hahaha. and very masculine. :s cuz i did the guy's jobs cuz, well, there weren't enough men.
by 4 p.m. i was knocked out flat. at 4.30 p.m. second trip came along. fortunately most of those were for the first floor or i would have died flattened by a box of clothes today. for sure.
my room is NOT purplish. yay!
AND rehearsals for musical has been cancelled so tomorrow i can REST and maybe satisfy my shopping needs. dum dum dum.
am really too exhausted to speak. here's pictures.
after taking this shot i told him he looked gay. i wish to god i was kidding. but i wasn't. *frowns*
i told him to SMILE!when i took this pic and he muttered how can i smile when you just called me gay. so...
i told him to call me gay then snap a picture of me. and SEE?! i can smile! call me gay! i don't mind! nyehhhhhh.
i am VERY confident of my sexuality.
are you ready guys?
tadaaaaaaaaaaaa. NEW ROOM.
:)) so NOT purplish. *smirk*
happy bunny reporting live from her new room. *beams*
still sinking in. expect drastic reactions tomorrow or in 5 years' time.
the belo one came at 10 to help out a little. movers came, they were all malay boys, and the belo one turned paranoid. i put on perfume and he said i wanted to smell good for the movers. i wore my pearls and he gave me a look and said, "wah, accesorize some more." PUHLEEESE.
left soon after for jolly camaraderie at sentosa with many other peejay people.
there were so many boxes that we needed 2 trips. me my mum and my cousin headed for admiralty first to see over the moving of the stuff from the first trip.
i have never carried so much WEIGHT in my life before. even the moverboys were stunned. mind you, boxes up the stairs are a HUGE pain on the waist. i know cuz i have one now. argh.
i feel very strong though. hahaha. and very masculine. :s cuz i did the guy's jobs cuz, well, there weren't enough men.
by 4 p.m. i was knocked out flat. at 4.30 p.m. second trip came along. fortunately most of those were for the first floor or i would have died flattened by a box of clothes today. for sure.
my room is NOT purplish. yay!
AND rehearsals for musical has been cancelled so tomorrow i can REST and maybe satisfy my shopping needs. dum dum dum.
am really too exhausted to speak. here's pictures.
after taking this shot i told him he looked gay. i wish to god i was kidding. but i wasn't. *frowns*
i told him to SMILE!when i took this pic and he muttered how can i smile when you just called me gay. so...
i told him to call me gay then snap a picture of me. and SEE?! i can smile! call me gay! i don't mind! nyehhhhhh.
i am VERY confident of my sexuality.
are you ready guys?
tadaaaaaaaaaaaa. NEW ROOM.
:)) so NOT purplish. *smirk*
happy bunny reporting live from her new room. *beams*
Today's Forecast
Complete and total freedom, or settling down permanently, romantically, complete with a white picket fence? What a decision! Better make it soon, though. That ticking is the sound of your patience wearing thin.
In Detail
The devil and the deep blue sea -- take your pick. Under most unusual circumstances, you may bump into someone today who seems to be a representative from both -- and within days, oddly enough, they'll manage to find a place in your heart. Be ready. Be ready for their company, and be ready to feel the need to make a decision quickly. Good luck, no matter what you choose.
friendster's horoscopes are quite apt at times. far from being a believer, i am just pointing how relevant their predictions are, without being too general. then again it is all a matter of randomness and many maths shit i don't know about so blah. cull it.
moving soon. dum dum dum. a lil' excited and a wee bit mopey. but doing fine. lack of sleep before moving is good, cuz it ensures a temporal high to last at least 5 hours. expect full- blown crankiness if i don't get any sleep by 6 in the evening.
i suddenly have a desperate urge to shop. many skirts, many tops, that pretty handbag from xcesorrize, espadrilles from marc jacobs, sunburst flats from x:odus, lifesize jack from nightmare before christmas, pinboard from ikea and oh, a permanent cashflow.
i don't want to move. maybe i can finally do that tie- myself-to- a- door- and- stage- rebellion move i've been dying to do since the first time i was told a place i love was closing- the old gan eng seng building near tanjong pagar railway station. then old peejay. then constant craving. now home.
nyehhhhhhhhhh. here's a big fat nyehhhhhhhh to you and may you have a blessed and beautiful saturday.
Complete and total freedom, or settling down permanently, romantically, complete with a white picket fence? What a decision! Better make it soon, though. That ticking is the sound of your patience wearing thin.
In Detail
The devil and the deep blue sea -- take your pick. Under most unusual circumstances, you may bump into someone today who seems to be a representative from both -- and within days, oddly enough, they'll manage to find a place in your heart. Be ready. Be ready for their company, and be ready to feel the need to make a decision quickly. Good luck, no matter what you choose.
friendster's horoscopes are quite apt at times. far from being a believer, i am just pointing how relevant their predictions are, without being too general. then again it is all a matter of randomness and many maths shit i don't know about so blah. cull it.
moving soon. dum dum dum. a lil' excited and a wee bit mopey. but doing fine. lack of sleep before moving is good, cuz it ensures a temporal high to last at least 5 hours. expect full- blown crankiness if i don't get any sleep by 6 in the evening.
i suddenly have a desperate urge to shop. many skirts, many tops, that pretty handbag from xcesorrize, espadrilles from marc jacobs, sunburst flats from x:odus, lifesize jack from nightmare before christmas, pinboard from ikea and oh, a permanent cashflow.
i don't want to move. maybe i can finally do that tie- myself-to- a- door- and- stage- rebellion move i've been dying to do since the first time i was told a place i love was closing- the old gan eng seng building near tanjong pagar railway station. then old peejay. then constant craving. now home.
nyehhhhhhhhhh. here's a big fat nyehhhhhhhh to you and may you have a blessed and beautiful saturday.
it's over
i'm done. finito. adios. hasta la vista. nandri. zhai xian. selamat tinggal.
ok nandri is thank you but you get me la.
room is emptied. packed. dusty, but packed.
sad sad sad. i hate emptiness. of any form. this room saw the most of me. my best days and saddest days. o levels a levels many many ramadhans many tears smiles fights shouts. aaah. too much.
this is the last time i'm blogging from my room. from chua chu kang. from this house.
i will never have another room with a queen size bed and an orange wall.
i no longer live in the block where blood spots are a common morning sighting. that's why my lifts are very clean. they keep washing it each time there's a bloodbath, which is pretty much daily.
no more long walks home barefooted. cuz my heels are killing me. no more sneaking out to meet faizal. hehe. no more meeting people at chua chu kang control station.
no more walks to 7- 11 at wee hours to satisfy my irrational cravings- ice- cream, chips, salsa, coke, hotdogs, cheesecake, chocolate, instant noodles. no more kopitiam. no more mee kuah. no more esso petrol station for lor mai kai.
all those walks back home after school with the belo one. in school uniform. holding hands. typical high school sweethearts.
no more dark toilets. heh. my toilet has been dark since faizal and me last stop talking. the light blew and was never fixed. as of tomorrow night, i no longer pee at 2 a.m. in the dark, and somehow that makes me sad.
i lived here. LIVE. stayed here for 6 good years. went through much in that time period. and this house saw it all.
i thought i wouldn't be so sad and mopey cuz i am looking forward to the new home. a new start, fresh beginnings. and unlike the last time, this time round there has been no tears.
but it is a different kinda sad. i grew up here. i lived loved laughed and cried here. i danced singed screamed and stomped around in this place.
i suck at farewells. especially to inanimate objects.
i don't want to stop typing. cuz when i do i will have to go to sleep then i will wake up then the movers will be here and this house is mine no more.
this house was the first house me and my mum decorated together. our first step towards indepence since dad passed away. our own bachelorette's pad. :)
it's been a beautiful journey.
on to the next now.
wow. i can actually say, i LOVE my house. love.
aah. well.
i'm done. finito. adios. hasta la vista. nandri. zhai xian. selamat tinggal.
ok nandri is thank you but you get me la.
room is emptied. packed. dusty, but packed.
sad sad sad. i hate emptiness. of any form. this room saw the most of me. my best days and saddest days. o levels a levels many many ramadhans many tears smiles fights shouts. aaah. too much.
this is the last time i'm blogging from my room. from chua chu kang. from this house.
i will never have another room with a queen size bed and an orange wall.
i no longer live in the block where blood spots are a common morning sighting. that's why my lifts are very clean. they keep washing it each time there's a bloodbath, which is pretty much daily.
no more long walks home barefooted. cuz my heels are killing me. no more sneaking out to meet faizal. hehe. no more meeting people at chua chu kang control station.
no more walks to 7- 11 at wee hours to satisfy my irrational cravings- ice- cream, chips, salsa, coke, hotdogs, cheesecake, chocolate, instant noodles. no more kopitiam. no more mee kuah. no more esso petrol station for lor mai kai.
all those walks back home after school with the belo one. in school uniform. holding hands. typical high school sweethearts.
no more dark toilets. heh. my toilet has been dark since faizal and me last stop talking. the light blew and was never fixed. as of tomorrow night, i no longer pee at 2 a.m. in the dark, and somehow that makes me sad.
i lived here. LIVE. stayed here for 6 good years. went through much in that time period. and this house saw it all.
i thought i wouldn't be so sad and mopey cuz i am looking forward to the new home. a new start, fresh beginnings. and unlike the last time, this time round there has been no tears.
but it is a different kinda sad. i grew up here. i lived loved laughed and cried here. i danced singed screamed and stomped around in this place.
i suck at farewells. especially to inanimate objects.
i don't want to stop typing. cuz when i do i will have to go to sleep then i will wake up then the movers will be here and this house is mine no more.
this house was the first house me and my mum decorated together. our first step towards indepence since dad passed away. our own bachelorette's pad. :)
it's been a beautiful journey.
on to the next now.
wow. i can actually say, i LOVE my house. love.
aah. well.
Friday, April 29, 2005
queen jamban the conqueror
my room's a warzone and i'm the warrior.
there is no more bed. the room is so empty. i've never seen so much walking space in this room of mine since the day i first moved in.
and whoo now i'm moving out.
oh oh.
emo.
hmm hmm. the belo came and helped out. thank god. divide and conquer is a VERY efficient battle strategy.
i kinda lost the usb port to upload pictures so pictures will probably be up only when i'm already in my new room.
disaster strikes. mum just told me that after painting my room, the lighter gray colour looks almost... PURPLISH.
now for the life of me i CANNOT have an ALMOST- PURPLISH room. i don't care how ALMOST it is the word purple should never even be mentioned in describing my room.
i will attempt the mr. bean move of buying a can of black paint and sticking a dynamite innit. :D then POM TERBABO tin can explodes and WALLA room is painted, all black.
*curtseys*
i don't want to go back to warrrrrrrrrrrrr. i like civilization!!!!!! i like my laptop!!!!! please let me keep blogging let the room convulse and wrap itself up into a box please please
noooooooo nooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooooooooo don't take me away from my laptop
this is not the last that you'll hear from me tonight noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-updated-
LOOK WHAT I FOUND! YES! MY USB THINGY THINGY! (i realized its not a port cuz the port is IN the laptop, right? AHH. fiza talks IT yet again.)
these are images of the battle land. last night.
this is me, upon comprehending the magnitude of my quest.
shock...
denial.
the next day, war begun.
WAAAAAAAAAARZONE!
your brave warrior.
you will be missed, my dear queen- sized bed.
WOW LOOK FLOOR!
you must be wondering where i find time to snap stupid pictures while in the midst of battle.
when there's a will my friend, there is a way.
k. i need a good long scream.
my room's a warzone and i'm the warrior.
there is no more bed. the room is so empty. i've never seen so much walking space in this room of mine since the day i first moved in.
and whoo now i'm moving out.
oh oh.
emo.
hmm hmm. the belo came and helped out. thank god. divide and conquer is a VERY efficient battle strategy.
i kinda lost the usb port to upload pictures so pictures will probably be up only when i'm already in my new room.
disaster strikes. mum just told me that after painting my room, the lighter gray colour looks almost... PURPLISH.
now for the life of me i CANNOT have an ALMOST- PURPLISH room. i don't care how ALMOST it is the word purple should never even be mentioned in describing my room.
i will attempt the mr. bean move of buying a can of black paint and sticking a dynamite innit. :D then POM TERBABO tin can explodes and WALLA room is painted, all black.
*curtseys*
i don't want to go back to warrrrrrrrrrrrr. i like civilization!!!!!! i like my laptop!!!!! please let me keep blogging let the room convulse and wrap itself up into a box please please
noooooooo nooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooooooooo don't take me away from my laptop
this is not the last that you'll hear from me tonight noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-updated-
LOOK WHAT I FOUND! YES! MY USB THINGY THINGY! (i realized its not a port cuz the port is IN the laptop, right? AHH. fiza talks IT yet again.)
these are images of the battle land. last night.
this is me, upon comprehending the magnitude of my quest.
shock...
denial.
the next day, war begun.
WAAAAAAAAAARZONE!
your brave warrior.
you will be missed, my dear queen- sized bed.
WOW LOOK FLOOR!
you must be wondering where i find time to snap stupid pictures while in the midst of battle.
when there's a will my friend, there is a way.
k. i need a good long scream.
ok, so exams over. then... what?
as of 7 p.m. last night, my school vacation officially begun. on a VERY stupid note. haha.
met nassar, hafiz/ dizzie and nas's friend, zhang yui or summat. anyhoos. took about half an hour to decide to go to olio dome @ UCC which was closed, another half an hour to watch 2 packed- to- the- brim bus serivce 96 pass us by, ten minutes to walk out to the bus stop near kent vale, and another ten minutes before we got a cab to drop us at clementi interchange. we wanted to go to town but of course the cabbie was changing shift and clementi was the furthest he could take us. we got on anyway cuz there's no way we were spending another second within campus area. yeuuurgh.
from clementi we took a bus down to town, dinnered at lido then desserts at coffee club. had my fondue hoo wheeeeeee. that, by the way, is the sex. fondue is fucking good shit. it gives you insta- orgasms. that is SEX. fondue is the best sex you'll get in your whole life.
i think the dust is getting to me. i've been cleaning my room for the past 2 hours and MY GOD i own LOADS of JUNK. there's enough paper here to rebuild a whole rainforest, complete with a fully functioning ecosystem. *shudder*
sat at coffee club and chitter chatter the night away. mindless talks, senseless laughs. oh what i'd give to have it again. tonight's group was nassar, jasmine, dizzie and khalid. nice nice.
faidzal and hafiz called right after each other. i smell CONSPIRACY. hmmmmmm.
ok so of course, i missed my bus. so i walked to far east cuz my stepdad was fetching me. then of course i needed to pee. so i paid the loo at orchard mrt a little visit.
when i entered, i realized the fan was making a weird whirring sound. like every 3 seconds, it made a KLERTUNK sound, like someone tried to stop the spinning the blades. ok as i type this i'm getting goosebumps. TSK. what the kenannys man. i'm such a sissy.
ok anyway so i entered the cubicle, close the door, did my thang, then. i heard the sound of water, like someone was washing his/ her hands at the basin outside. so ok cool i'm not ENTIRELY alone i felt much safer (you will soon realize the irony of this thought/ statement).
then i got out. the noise stopped and there was no one. aiya. maybe it was just, you know, my imagination or the water pipes doing its daily noisy grind. then after i washed my hands, i of course, needed to shit. (i swear shit is a majorly humungous part of my life.)
so i went back into the same cubicle and the minute i locked the door, there was that sound again. water flowing. ok wait i am scaring myself here. i am alone in my room la can!!!!!! and the window is behind me....... tsk. shit la why do i do this to myself again? arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
ok anyway. tsk. so i shit (HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH) and the water noise was there. and the MINUTE i lifted the lock, the noises stopped and i opened and of course, there was no one. this time i just washed my hands and left.
and of course the station was closing so half the lights were switched off leaving me in quasi- darkness and this whole thing is beginning to sound alot like a B- grade hollywood horror flick.
thankfully minutes later dizzie called. he was the only one who got his bus apparently. the rest took cabs. then i told him about what happened in the toilet. and he said, "oh you don't know? that toilet is haunted what...." in his most matter- of- factly voice.
"oh thanks ah now you tell me." "how i know seh... anyway you're out so ok la. eh, today malam jumaat eh!"
big big many many -_-.
for the clueless, muslims believe that thursday nights are 'auspicious', like the ghosts come out and roam or something. ok no i'm not too sure what it means but i just know that thursday nights are bad nights to be out alone in the dark. which was EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING JUST NOW! HA! HA! HA!
the walk to far east plaza was a very long one. tsk. i won't exactly call myself a wuss cuz i know i'm braver than most but the night being thursday night and all kinda scared me. and i swear i am scared right now. shitshitshit.
i hate windows. the window is behind me. should i turn? ah shit i'm scaring myself. would i see something if i turn oh crap is something looking over me as i type this. ok i am scared. i am scared.
ok shit shit shit.
see i should seriously learn to shut up. like seriously seriously.
ok i am not looking at my window.
oh horsefeathers.
anyway let's talk about something else.
so yeah i cleaned up a little and am about a quarter ready. i have ALOT of things for a 20- year- old. tsk tsk. and it felt great to throw out all those JC notes and sem 1 & 2 notes. lalalala. no school for 3 months... how's that for a break, huh?
of course i kept some of my best work. what's fiza if not a narcissist.
and i kept pieces of paper that had scribblings of me and the belo one. haha. we talked many nonsense. we did a round robin poem, you know, like, i write one line he writes another blablabla? yea. this is one of them.
i looked at the window and saw
the sun shining and my neighbour yawning
flowers blooming and birds chirping
i went back to read my book on law.
in minutes i was bored
as bored as can be
and i prayed to God
that i won't be stung by a bee.
then i wondered why. Why? (my attempt at being slightly profound)
and then what, what? (happily destroyed by him)
then i cry and i cry
before i fry and fry before going to Batu Pahat. (isn't he so cute, he's trying to RHYME my god.)
on my way there in the bus
with an old man beside me
i looked out the window and i see
a big pimple with pus another big blue bus beside the road, a dark underpass.
th words in italics are courtesy of our bard, the beloness, though you probably didn't need such an indication to know so.
sigh. a poet he is not.
this was written during history lecture. cuz there is also diagrams of "ideal bachelor pads" that me, bryan, fahrur and the belo one tried to come up with. that was how boring victor cheeKOHpek was.
ohoh. and along the above poem, there are a b a b a b c c b a and so on. clearly, i was trying to do a PC on this one.
more evidence also surfaced what an anal shithead i was in jc2. i submitted like, 2000 econs essays in the period of 2 months nearing A levels. i guess it was to make up for the no- show for my entire jc1 & 2 career. but still. it was damn scary to see my own handwriting, writing foreign economic terms and pages and pages of it as well. i must have been possessed. and of course there were those GP essays and thousands of self- written history notes. i was an OBSCENELY PSYCHOTIC MUGGER IN JC2 I HAD NO LIFE. yeeeeeeeeeech. actually that occured towards the second half of the year but same la. sheesh. so NOW we know how i got those grades la uh. NOT by sleeping in lectures ok! what the kenannys man.
now if only i could muster half that willpower here in NUS i would probably be a very successful student. but all talk and no shit makes jill a dull girl and i don't make sense but then i again, i never do. so quit HOPING dammit.
oh wow i totally forgot about my window! :D heh. ok. umm. now i am thinking of it. again. ugh.
ok ok. PICTURES!
wa sayang wa punya dizzie woooo.
SEX!
how do you spell it... menage a troise?
this was on the bike... cuz i was so fascinated by my FLYING SKIRT! *beams* like flying carpet like that hor.
sigh. ok back to cleaning up. the shining light comes tomorrow in the form of beloness. he arrives at 4 p.m. to assist me in the quest of packing fiza's room up (mission impossible, literally).
don't know why but i suddenly miss him alot. must be the JC stuff. 'twas aaaaaaaaaall about him. :)
p.s.: the porn was an ACCIDENTAL ACQUISITION. i did not download porn intentionally. if you really need to know, i typed COACH CARTER and double clicked on COACH CARTER FULL MOVIE (sounds innocent enough,no?) thinking full well that HEY this must be COACH CARTER the MOVIE what RIGHT? and the opening scene was similar. a yellow school bus outside a high school. but the similarity ends there. when the guy entered a garage i sensed something was wrong and fast- forwarded and of course BLESSEDLY chanced upon the licking- crotch scene. so SEE i am not in the wrong. the TITLE was misleading lor! and i am the victim here! not only did i waste 2 hours and got disappointed cuz i didn't get to ogle at antwon tanner, i had to come face to face with a woman's crotch. NOT a pleasant sight and NOT something you see everyday. anyway if its ANY fault of mine at all it would be for downloading movies in the first place but HEY we ALL do it so SHUT UP.
I DID NOT DOWNLOAD PORN.
as of 7 p.m. last night, my school vacation officially begun. on a VERY stupid note. haha.
met nassar, hafiz/ dizzie and nas's friend, zhang yui or summat. anyhoos. took about half an hour to decide to go to olio dome @ UCC which was closed, another half an hour to watch 2 packed- to- the- brim bus serivce 96 pass us by, ten minutes to walk out to the bus stop near kent vale, and another ten minutes before we got a cab to drop us at clementi interchange. we wanted to go to town but of course the cabbie was changing shift and clementi was the furthest he could take us. we got on anyway cuz there's no way we were spending another second within campus area. yeuuurgh.
from clementi we took a bus down to town, dinnered at lido then desserts at coffee club. had my fondue hoo wheeeeeee. that, by the way, is the sex. fondue is fucking good shit. it gives you insta- orgasms. that is SEX. fondue is the best sex you'll get in your whole life.
i think the dust is getting to me. i've been cleaning my room for the past 2 hours and MY GOD i own LOADS of JUNK. there's enough paper here to rebuild a whole rainforest, complete with a fully functioning ecosystem. *shudder*
sat at coffee club and chitter chatter the night away. mindless talks, senseless laughs. oh what i'd give to have it again. tonight's group was nassar, jasmine, dizzie and khalid. nice nice.
faidzal and hafiz called right after each other. i smell CONSPIRACY. hmmmmmm.
ok so of course, i missed my bus. so i walked to far east cuz my stepdad was fetching me. then of course i needed to pee. so i paid the loo at orchard mrt a little visit.
when i entered, i realized the fan was making a weird whirring sound. like every 3 seconds, it made a KLERTUNK sound, like someone tried to stop the spinning the blades. ok as i type this i'm getting goosebumps. TSK. what the kenannys man. i'm such a sissy.
ok anyway so i entered the cubicle, close the door, did my thang, then. i heard the sound of water, like someone was washing his/ her hands at the basin outside. so ok cool i'm not ENTIRELY alone i felt much safer (you will soon realize the irony of this thought/ statement).
then i got out. the noise stopped and there was no one. aiya. maybe it was just, you know, my imagination or the water pipes doing its daily noisy grind. then after i washed my hands, i of course, needed to shit. (i swear shit is a majorly humungous part of my life.)
so i went back into the same cubicle and the minute i locked the door, there was that sound again. water flowing. ok wait i am scaring myself here. i am alone in my room la can!!!!!! and the window is behind me....... tsk. shit la why do i do this to myself again? arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
ok anyway. tsk. so i shit (HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH) and the water noise was there. and the MINUTE i lifted the lock, the noises stopped and i opened and of course, there was no one. this time i just washed my hands and left.
and of course the station was closing so half the lights were switched off leaving me in quasi- darkness and this whole thing is beginning to sound alot like a B- grade hollywood horror flick.
thankfully minutes later dizzie called. he was the only one who got his bus apparently. the rest took cabs. then i told him about what happened in the toilet. and he said, "oh you don't know? that toilet is haunted what...." in his most matter- of- factly voice.
"oh thanks ah now you tell me." "how i know seh... anyway you're out so ok la. eh, today malam jumaat eh!"
big big many many -_-.
for the clueless, muslims believe that thursday nights are 'auspicious', like the ghosts come out and roam or something. ok no i'm not too sure what it means but i just know that thursday nights are bad nights to be out alone in the dark. which was EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING JUST NOW! HA! HA! HA!
the walk to far east plaza was a very long one. tsk. i won't exactly call myself a wuss cuz i know i'm braver than most but the night being thursday night and all kinda scared me. and i swear i am scared right now. shitshitshit.
i hate windows. the window is behind me. should i turn? ah shit i'm scaring myself. would i see something if i turn oh crap is something looking over me as i type this. ok i am scared. i am scared.
ok shit shit shit.
see i should seriously learn to shut up. like seriously seriously.
ok i am not looking at my window.
oh horsefeathers.
anyway let's talk about something else.
so yeah i cleaned up a little and am about a quarter ready. i have ALOT of things for a 20- year- old. tsk tsk. and it felt great to throw out all those JC notes and sem 1 & 2 notes. lalalala. no school for 3 months... how's that for a break, huh?
of course i kept some of my best work. what's fiza if not a narcissist.
and i kept pieces of paper that had scribblings of me and the belo one. haha. we talked many nonsense. we did a round robin poem, you know, like, i write one line he writes another blablabla? yea. this is one of them.
i looked at the window and saw
the sun shining and my neighbour yawning
flowers blooming and birds chirping
i went back to read my book on law.
in minutes i was bored
as bored as can be
and i prayed to God
that i won't be stung by a bee.
then i wondered why. Why? (my attempt at being slightly profound)
and then what, what? (happily destroyed by him)
then i cry and i cry
on my way there in the bus
with an old man beside me
i looked out the window and i see
th words in italics are courtesy of our bard, the beloness, though you probably didn't need such an indication to know so.
sigh. a poet he is not.
this was written during history lecture. cuz there is also diagrams of "ideal bachelor pads" that me, bryan, fahrur and the belo one tried to come up with. that was how boring victor cheeKOHpek was.
ohoh. and along the above poem, there are a b a b a b c c b a and so on. clearly, i was trying to do a PC on this one.
more evidence also surfaced what an anal shithead i was in jc2. i submitted like, 2000 econs essays in the period of 2 months nearing A levels. i guess it was to make up for the no- show for my entire jc1 & 2 career. but still. it was damn scary to see my own handwriting, writing foreign economic terms and pages and pages of it as well. i must have been possessed. and of course there were those GP essays and thousands of self- written history notes. i was an OBSCENELY PSYCHOTIC MUGGER IN JC2 I HAD NO LIFE. yeeeeeeeeeech. actually that occured towards the second half of the year but same la. sheesh. so NOW we know how i got those grades la uh. NOT by sleeping in lectures ok! what the kenannys man.
now if only i could muster half that willpower here in NUS i would probably be a very successful student. but all talk and no shit makes jill a dull girl and i don't make sense but then i again, i never do. so quit HOPING dammit.
oh wow i totally forgot about my window! :D heh. ok. umm. now i am thinking of it. again. ugh.
ok ok. PICTURES!
wa sayang wa punya dizzie woooo.
SEX!
how do you spell it... menage a troise?
this was on the bike... cuz i was so fascinated by my FLYING SKIRT! *beams* like flying carpet like that hor.
sigh. ok back to cleaning up. the shining light comes tomorrow in the form of beloness. he arrives at 4 p.m. to assist me in the quest of packing fiza's room up (mission impossible, literally).
don't know why but i suddenly miss him alot. must be the JC stuff. 'twas aaaaaaaaaall about him. :)
p.s.: the porn was an ACCIDENTAL ACQUISITION. i did not download porn intentionally. if you really need to know, i typed COACH CARTER and double clicked on COACH CARTER FULL MOVIE (sounds innocent enough,no?) thinking full well that HEY this must be COACH CARTER the MOVIE what RIGHT? and the opening scene was similar. a yellow school bus outside a high school. but the similarity ends there. when the guy entered a garage i sensed something was wrong and fast- forwarded and of course BLESSEDLY chanced upon the licking- crotch scene. so SEE i am not in the wrong. the TITLE was misleading lor! and i am the victim here! not only did i waste 2 hours and got disappointed cuz i didn't get to ogle at antwon tanner, i had to come face to face with a woman's crotch. NOT a pleasant sight and NOT something you see everyday. anyway if its ANY fault of mine at all it would be for downloading movies in the first place but HEY we ALL do it so SHUT UP.
I DID NOT DOWNLOAD PORN.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
waregergergergerger (that's a laugh)
i love my chocolates. i just had my belgian seashells chocolates. mmm. yum yum. seashells seashells sally sells seashells on the seashore but her shells suck cuz they aren't chocolates huahahahaha!
:D i found a new laugh, mostly used by malaysians i think. it's HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. it doesn't look half as funny as it would if you say it out loud. or if you want call me i'll say it for you. HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. it sounds like a giant vomitting gargantua who is laughing at the same time. HUARGH *puke pours out of mouth* HUARGH *more puke* HUARGH. seeing it? see its a laugh that requires you to open your mouth real big hence allowing all that puke to come out.
oh wow i am gross.
hafiz, hana's brother and predicted future boyfriend of mine, said there is also another laugh, the warghagragragragra. it is actually spelled wargghgahaghagahagha or something, but when you laugh it out loud, hafiz says it should sound like that. WARGH GRA GRA GRA GRA. nice.
people really type crap online. like, LOL. i don't LOL. i pronounce it LOL like toLOL or LOLlipop. LOL. stop lol- ling it annoys me.
oh yes. i read something funny. it is, in itself, hilarious, but the way it was written is, well, funny. esque. sorta. umm. well READ.
Kata orang tua tu "Syarat yg kedua anak hendaklah memasukkan 10 biji buah langsat kedalam buntut anak tapi tak boleh ketawa, kalau ketawa... kensel." Oleh kerana terlalu syok kat awek tu, Askar A pun membuat dengan serius untuk mengelakkan dari terbatal. Elok aje dia nak memasukkan biji langsat yg kesembilan, tiba-tiba dia gelak terbarai, "Aarhhhahahak.! Huargh.! Huargh..! Huargh! Aku nak masukkan biji ni pun terkulat-kulat tapi kau.. Huargh..! Huargh..! Huargh!"
(in english)
The old man said, "The second requirement, son, you have to insert all 10 of these langsat seeds into your anus but you cannot laugh, if you do, cancel." As he was so smitten by the girl, Soldier A did it with full concentration to prevent himself from being 'cancelled'. Just as he was about to insert the 9th seed, he suddenly laughed like crazy (and i MEAN laugh like crazy), "Aarhhhahahak.! Huargh.! Huargh..! Huargh! I just need to put in these seeds and I'm already fungus- fungus (direct translation *shrugs* ok fine he meant, already so troublesome) but you... Huargh..! Huargh..! Huargh!"
ok i'm sorry for not giving you the full story within context but i just had to give you the funny bit. full story here. but sorry, no english translation there.
i think malaysians say funny stuff. HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. they even DO funny stuff. like build a hospital full of fungus. and spend RM500 million on that.
(excerpts)
Kulat yang berbau busuk itu telah menimbulkan suasana kurang senang
The fungus that is very smelly has created an uneasy atmosphere. UH- HUH. you don't say. why are you talking about fungus like its the unfriendly neighbour next door who is giving you bad vibes? dude. it is FUNGUS. it is GROSS. uneasy is an UNDERSTATEMENT.
Bagaimana kita boleh membelanjakan RM500 juta untuk membina sebuah hospital yang dipenuhi kulat?
How did we spend RM500 million to build a hospital full of fungus? umm... well... *sticks out open flat palms* THERE YOU HAVE IT! *beams* i think she meant how did we ever even become SO stupid so as to spend MILLIONS on a hospital ONLY to have it full of fungus? but the vibe i got from the sentence, due to its kennanys sentence structure, was, WHY did we spend SO much money to have a hospital full of fungus when you can have it at a MUCH cheaper price? haaaaaah.
yes i know i get vibes from sentences and that makes me quasi- weird but you're missing the point here! malay things are funny. hoo hoo hoo funny. hmm. what's kennanys eh. i don't know. its like whacked. or heebie- jeebies. it describes anything indescribable. like the sentence structure la. oooh wait. what's heebie- jeebies? anyone?
ooh found it! so apparently heebie- jeebies "was invented about 1923 by the American cartoonist Billy De Beck... There was a dance at about the same time, and a song in 1926, both said to have originated from Native American witch-doctor chants before human sacrifices. But the dance and the song both seem to be later than the first appearance of the phrase." and this sweet funny man also found hotsy- totsy and horsefeathers. which unfortunately is no longer in use. well soon it will be.
oh jumpin' jiminy and horsefeathers! BLIMEY! look at the time! hmm no. that didn't work.
what are you staring at? don't look at me like that. don't go all hotsy- totsy on me just cuz i write funny. hmm hmm that might work.
i wanna learn the heebie- jeebie dance. who knows 10 years down the roads your kids will be doing the heebie- jeebies at zouk and you'll have me to thank.
AND they'll think you have a cool friend. ;) that's me now. ME.
okay. i have satisfied my quota for self- centred narcissistic and hedonistic indulgence.
tomorrow i will have a paper, a chocolate fondue AND sex with two men. aaah aren't you just green with envy?
oh wow. ten minutes after typing THAT i found out that no, i'm not having sex with 2 men.
...........
i'm having it with THREE. wahahaha.
i love my chocolates. i just had my belgian seashells chocolates. mmm. yum yum. seashells seashells sally sells seashells on the seashore but her shells suck cuz they aren't chocolates huahahahaha!
:D i found a new laugh, mostly used by malaysians i think. it's HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. it doesn't look half as funny as it would if you say it out loud. or if you want call me i'll say it for you. HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. it sounds like a giant vomitting gargantua who is laughing at the same time. HUARGH *puke pours out of mouth* HUARGH *more puke* HUARGH. seeing it? see its a laugh that requires you to open your mouth real big hence allowing all that puke to come out.
oh wow i am gross.
hafiz, hana's brother and predicted future boyfriend of mine, said there is also another laugh, the warghagragragragra. it is actually spelled wargghgahaghagahagha or something, but when you laugh it out loud, hafiz says it should sound like that. WARGH GRA GRA GRA GRA. nice.
people really type crap online. like, LOL. i don't LOL. i pronounce it LOL like toLOL or LOLlipop. LOL. stop lol- ling it annoys me.
oh yes. i read something funny. it is, in itself, hilarious, but the way it was written is, well, funny. esque. sorta. umm. well READ.
Kata orang tua tu "Syarat yg kedua anak hendaklah memasukkan 10 biji buah langsat kedalam buntut anak tapi tak boleh ketawa, kalau ketawa... kensel." Oleh kerana terlalu syok kat awek tu, Askar A pun membuat dengan serius untuk mengelakkan dari terbatal. Elok aje dia nak memasukkan biji langsat yg kesembilan, tiba-tiba dia gelak terbarai, "Aarhhhahahak.! Huargh.! Huargh..! Huargh! Aku nak masukkan biji ni pun terkulat-kulat tapi kau.. Huargh..! Huargh..! Huargh!"
(in english)
The old man said, "The second requirement, son, you have to insert all 10 of these langsat seeds into your anus but you cannot laugh, if you do, cancel." As he was so smitten by the girl, Soldier A did it with full concentration to prevent himself from being 'cancelled'. Just as he was about to insert the 9th seed, he suddenly laughed like crazy (and i MEAN laugh like crazy), "Aarhhhahahak.! Huargh.! Huargh..! Huargh! I just need to put in these seeds and I'm already fungus- fungus (direct translation *shrugs* ok fine he meant, already so troublesome) but you... Huargh..! Huargh..! Huargh!"
ok i'm sorry for not giving you the full story within context but i just had to give you the funny bit. full story here. but sorry, no english translation there.
i think malaysians say funny stuff. HUARGH HUARGH HUARGH. they even DO funny stuff. like build a hospital full of fungus. and spend RM500 million on that.
(excerpts)
Kulat yang berbau busuk itu telah menimbulkan suasana kurang senang
The fungus that is very smelly has created an uneasy atmosphere. UH- HUH. you don't say. why are you talking about fungus like its the unfriendly neighbour next door who is giving you bad vibes? dude. it is FUNGUS. it is GROSS. uneasy is an UNDERSTATEMENT.
Bagaimana kita boleh membelanjakan RM500 juta untuk membina sebuah hospital yang dipenuhi kulat?
How did we spend RM500 million to build a hospital full of fungus? umm... well... *sticks out open flat palms* THERE YOU HAVE IT! *beams* i think she meant how did we ever even become SO stupid so as to spend MILLIONS on a hospital ONLY to have it full of fungus? but the vibe i got from the sentence, due to its kennanys sentence structure, was, WHY did we spend SO much money to have a hospital full of fungus when you can have it at a MUCH cheaper price? haaaaaah.
yes i know i get vibes from sentences and that makes me quasi- weird but you're missing the point here! malay things are funny. hoo hoo hoo funny. hmm. what's kennanys eh. i don't know. its like whacked. or heebie- jeebies. it describes anything indescribable. like the sentence structure la. oooh wait. what's heebie- jeebies? anyone?
ooh found it! so apparently heebie- jeebies "was invented about 1923 by the American cartoonist Billy De Beck... There was a dance at about the same time, and a song in 1926, both said to have originated from Native American witch-doctor chants before human sacrifices. But the dance and the song both seem to be later than the first appearance of the phrase." and this sweet funny man also found hotsy- totsy and horsefeathers. which unfortunately is no longer in use. well soon it will be.
oh jumpin' jiminy and horsefeathers! BLIMEY! look at the time! hmm no. that didn't work.
what are you staring at? don't look at me like that. don't go all hotsy- totsy on me just cuz i write funny. hmm hmm that might work.
i wanna learn the heebie- jeebie dance. who knows 10 years down the roads your kids will be doing the heebie- jeebies at zouk and you'll have me to thank.
AND they'll think you have a cool friend. ;) that's me now. ME.
okay. i have satisfied my quota for self- centred narcissistic and hedonistic indulgence.
tomorrow i will have a paper, a chocolate fondue AND sex with two men. aaah aren't you just green with envy?
oh wow. ten minutes after typing THAT i found out that no, i'm not having sex with 2 men.
...........
i'm having it with THREE. wahahaha.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
make like a tree and leave
last night was bliss. me and faizal sat at our usual spot. talked. as always. then he bought us lor mai kai.
and i realize... that might be the last time i eat lor mai kai with him at 3 a.m. at the takraw court. :(
we were yakking on and on when we realized hey, we've known each other for 4 years! the first time we met each other was at the library. i got to know him cuz he was my good friend, hyaidi's, cousin. and now i am closer to him than hyaidi himself. heh.
faizal is the boy who made me cycle with him to some stranded block of flats cuz they had a table- tennis table there and made me play table- tennis with him and laughed at me cuz i suck. the boy whom i've never seen in the day. each time we meet, it's always after 9 p.m. haha. night buddies. we never went to town together, never went out anywhere together, period. whenever we meet we talk about life or we watch vcds. and we always eat lor mai kai. haha. he taught me to eat lor mai kai. :) before that i thought lor mai kai was just gross. rice with soy sauce. eek.
over four years... came to know him like the back of my hand. even when he didn't tell me what's going on i will know. or maybe he's just very predictable. he's always been so dreamy and wishy- washy. told him it was all that hindi movies he watch. faizal's a romantic- the shah rukh khan sort. haha. so all you minah hindustan- hindustan, this is the boy for you. :) he likes to sing to his girlfriends, dance in the rain and do sweet, surprising gestures. ala hindustan heroes laaa.
it dawned on us how different it'll be now that i'm moving. no more meeting up when we can't sleep. :( get your licence soon la, then can come drive over to my place. hehe.
on a brighter note, living at admiralty means i'll be in much closer proximity to HANA AND HAFIZ!!!!!!!!!! oh my god. now what we do at esplanade and toys 'r' us can be brought closer to home. oh geez.
AND i'll also be SLIGHTLY nearer to bishan than now, which is where this boy stays.
this is the one i will marry if i turn 30 and him 32 and we both are simultaneously single, unattached, uncourted and straight. hahaha.
the past few days i realize what i've been trying to do is make myself like someone i had no attraction for. and i keep trying and failing and hence its a vicious cycle. and why i keep trying is because i want to think that i am capable of relationships.
then i realize i am NOT. i can't. i can't deal with imperfection and flaws. not as yet. so i should just lay off men. once i am more matured and willing to accept the reality of imperfect humans, we'll give this whole thing another shot.
in the meantime i have friends, whom for some odd reasons, i NEVER see their imperfections. i am VERY biased. tsk tsk tsk. but i am happier this way. i prefer being with a guy like, say, khalid, and having dinner with him and dessert and go dutch and have him talking straight up with me cuz we are friends. i enjoy going out with friends, i don't quite like the dating scene.
i like being single.
haha. what an enlightenment.
ok i really can't wait for my new room. this blog is going to be FLOODED with pictures of it. hooooo wheeeeeee.
and more bright notes.
LAST PAPER TOMORROW! MWAHAHAHA.
last night was bliss. me and faizal sat at our usual spot. talked. as always. then he bought us lor mai kai.
and i realize... that might be the last time i eat lor mai kai with him at 3 a.m. at the takraw court. :(
we were yakking on and on when we realized hey, we've known each other for 4 years! the first time we met each other was at the library. i got to know him cuz he was my good friend, hyaidi's, cousin. and now i am closer to him than hyaidi himself. heh.
faizal is the boy who made me cycle with him to some stranded block of flats cuz they had a table- tennis table there and made me play table- tennis with him and laughed at me cuz i suck. the boy whom i've never seen in the day. each time we meet, it's always after 9 p.m. haha. night buddies. we never went to town together, never went out anywhere together, period. whenever we meet we talk about life or we watch vcds. and we always eat lor mai kai. haha. he taught me to eat lor mai kai. :) before that i thought lor mai kai was just gross. rice with soy sauce. eek.
over four years... came to know him like the back of my hand. even when he didn't tell me what's going on i will know. or maybe he's just very predictable. he's always been so dreamy and wishy- washy. told him it was all that hindi movies he watch. faizal's a romantic- the shah rukh khan sort. haha. so all you minah hindustan- hindustan, this is the boy for you. :) he likes to sing to his girlfriends, dance in the rain and do sweet, surprising gestures. ala hindustan heroes laaa.
it dawned on us how different it'll be now that i'm moving. no more meeting up when we can't sleep. :( get your licence soon la, then can come drive over to my place. hehe.
on a brighter note, living at admiralty means i'll be in much closer proximity to HANA AND HAFIZ!!!!!!!!!! oh my god. now what we do at esplanade and toys 'r' us can be brought closer to home. oh geez.
AND i'll also be SLIGHTLY nearer to bishan than now, which is where this boy stays.
this is the one i will marry if i turn 30 and him 32 and we both are simultaneously single, unattached, uncourted and straight. hahaha.
the past few days i realize what i've been trying to do is make myself like someone i had no attraction for. and i keep trying and failing and hence its a vicious cycle. and why i keep trying is because i want to think that i am capable of relationships.
then i realize i am NOT. i can't. i can't deal with imperfection and flaws. not as yet. so i should just lay off men. once i am more matured and willing to accept the reality of imperfect humans, we'll give this whole thing another shot.
in the meantime i have friends, whom for some odd reasons, i NEVER see their imperfections. i am VERY biased. tsk tsk tsk. but i am happier this way. i prefer being with a guy like, say, khalid, and having dinner with him and dessert and go dutch and have him talking straight up with me cuz we are friends. i enjoy going out with friends, i don't quite like the dating scene.
i like being single.
haha. what an enlightenment.
ok i really can't wait for my new room. this blog is going to be FLOODED with pictures of it. hooooo wheeeeeee.
and more bright notes.
LAST PAPER TOMORROW! MWAHAHAHA.
sheep in chicken feather
ah- huh. latest on planet's funniest animals. :D
soci paper was average, nothing fantastic but considering i was barely awake 1 hr and 10 minutes before the paper, my very attendance was a miracle.
post- paper was lunch with dizzie. very confusing discussion which concluded with him having a migraine. haha. SORRY. oh and breeks! harbourfront manager is cute. but no i will not touch/ go near anymore food/ service industry people or else i will have nowhere else to go to eat. sob.
then it was city hall with hana and hafiz- the brother. we lepak-ed at esplanade, played some music and I LEARNT HOW TO PLAY TAITI! wahahaha. finally at 20 years old i learn how to play this bloody game. but i still can't figure out the club spade shape size number order. ah well. in time.
we totally demolished several songs. we punked up most. kulat kulat kulat.
kulat is fungus in malay. :D drop by often for more useless information like such.
i had a blast though hafiz's fart stinks. like real bad.
and i can't burp the alphabet anymore. BOO. but at least i can burp. :D like good long ones. hah. *smirk*
pictures in a while. now need to bathe. i have a date. at 1 a.m. hahaha.
with FAIZAL. wahahahahaha. yes the good old neighbour. decided that we hafta hang out for one last time before i move. boo hoo.
i desperately need to pee. and i will, before i turn horny.
oh yes i downloaded porn yesterday. accidentally. wah lao. what a waste of time. 2 hours! and it turned out to be porn. it started out the way the movie should, but then the guy looked different. i fast forwarded and WAH- HEY! THIS GUY IS LICKING THE GIRL'S CROTH AND SAYING MMMMMM THIS IS GOOD!
what the kenannys man. that's not ice- cream dude.
ah- huh. latest on planet's funniest animals. :D
soci paper was average, nothing fantastic but considering i was barely awake 1 hr and 10 minutes before the paper, my very attendance was a miracle.
post- paper was lunch with dizzie. very confusing discussion which concluded with him having a migraine. haha. SORRY. oh and breeks! harbourfront manager is cute. but no i will not touch/ go near anymore food/ service industry people or else i will have nowhere else to go to eat. sob.
then it was city hall with hana and hafiz- the brother. we lepak-ed at esplanade, played some music and I LEARNT HOW TO PLAY TAITI! wahahaha. finally at 20 years old i learn how to play this bloody game. but i still can't figure out the club spade shape size number order. ah well. in time.
we totally demolished several songs. we punked up most. kulat kulat kulat.
kulat is fungus in malay. :D drop by often for more useless information like such.
i had a blast though hafiz's fart stinks. like real bad.
and i can't burp the alphabet anymore. BOO. but at least i can burp. :D like good long ones. hah. *smirk*
pictures in a while. now need to bathe. i have a date. at 1 a.m. hahaha.
with FAIZAL. wahahahahaha. yes the good old neighbour. decided that we hafta hang out for one last time before i move. boo hoo.
i desperately need to pee. and i will, before i turn horny.
oh yes i downloaded porn yesterday. accidentally. wah lao. what a waste of time. 2 hours! and it turned out to be porn. it started out the way the movie should, but then the guy looked different. i fast forwarded and WAH- HEY! THIS GUY IS LICKING THE GIRL'S CROTH AND SAYING MMMMMM THIS IS GOOD!
what the kenannys man. that's not ice- cream dude.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
this is today's horoscope.
Just when you thought it was safe to operate your mouth without a permit, here you go again -- and at the most amazing time, too. Not to worry. This will be wildly entertaining to your friends.
i'm beginning to think friendster is mocking me. like they know my undaunted and unbridled mouth is a source of entertainment to most and pain to some. humph.
boo you! ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy!
twerps.
i just have 2 things to say.
1. lovebites are the ugliest thing on the face of Mother Nature. disgusting, gross, purple bruises that looks like there is a baby alien stuck in you dying to get out. yes, too much species movie but you get my point. D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G.
2. i HATE tomatoes. i really honestly sincerely do. today after my morning paper i had lunch with sara and zat. so this poor nice innocent girl at the noodle stall was making my bowl of slice fish soup, she was like, putting in the tiny skinny fish thingy (ikan bilis), the seaweed, and just as she reached for the fried onions i said i didn't want it, and same goes for the green crap they always put in. and then i got distracted talking to sara and when i turn the sweet girl was reaching for tomatoes and of course, i had to SHRIEK a "NO!", complete with a stick- your- hand- out- and- save- your- soup- from- tomato- contamination gesture. i tried to justify myself by turning to sara and telling her, "i really hate tomatoes... *pleading face* i can't have it in my soup..." and sara just muttered, "stay away from me i don't know you don't talk to me" repeatedly.
harumph.
bacin bitch.
huahaha. this is actually not very surprising cuz i do it all the time. cuz i love the dramatic no that i always end up shrieking NO cuz i never remember to say it when i'm ordering cuz i thought it is simple logic to NOT put tomatoes in my food, be it soup or sandwiches. do i LOOK like i eat those things? why in blue heavens would you put TOMATOES, in ANYTHING, for that matter? have you gone absolutely mad? keep your tomatoes far far away from me. and my food.
gah.
she hates lovebites and tomatoes.
Just when you thought it was safe to operate your mouth without a permit, here you go again -- and at the most amazing time, too. Not to worry. This will be wildly entertaining to your friends.
i'm beginning to think friendster is mocking me. like they know my undaunted and unbridled mouth is a source of entertainment to most and pain to some. humph.
boo you! ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy!
twerps.
i just have 2 things to say.
1. lovebites are the ugliest thing on the face of Mother Nature. disgusting, gross, purple bruises that looks like there is a baby alien stuck in you dying to get out. yes, too much species movie but you get my point. D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G.
2. i HATE tomatoes. i really honestly sincerely do. today after my morning paper i had lunch with sara and zat. so this poor nice innocent girl at the noodle stall was making my bowl of slice fish soup, she was like, putting in the tiny skinny fish thingy (ikan bilis), the seaweed, and just as she reached for the fried onions i said i didn't want it, and same goes for the green crap they always put in. and then i got distracted talking to sara and when i turn the sweet girl was reaching for tomatoes and of course, i had to SHRIEK a "NO!", complete with a stick- your- hand- out- and- save- your- soup- from- tomato- contamination gesture. i tried to justify myself by turning to sara and telling her, "i really hate tomatoes... *pleading face* i can't have it in my soup..." and sara just muttered, "stay away from me i don't know you don't talk to me" repeatedly.
harumph.
bacin bitch.
huahaha. this is actually not very surprising cuz i do it all the time. cuz i love the dramatic no that i always end up shrieking NO cuz i never remember to say it when i'm ordering cuz i thought it is simple logic to NOT put tomatoes in my food, be it soup or sandwiches. do i LOOK like i eat those things? why in blue heavens would you put TOMATOES, in ANYTHING, for that matter? have you gone absolutely mad? keep your tomatoes far far away from me. and my food.
gah.
she hates lovebites and tomatoes.
Monday, April 25, 2005
horrorscope
i logged on to friendster and as always, ignored the little table on the left and bottom of my profile picture that told me my horoscope of the day.
but a word caught my eye. MUZZLE.
Bought yourself a muzzle yet? Has someone else? Either way, bet you're worried about what might pop out of your mouth next. Soothe your soul. Associate only with those who'll love you no matter what.
hahahahahaha.
damn funny can. given the circumstances. umm. ya. i AM worried about what might pop out of my mouth next. this mouth is ubridled and undaunted. as saturday have proven.
i guess i should just disclose what i cited as triggers to the sudden U- turn. keep in mind that they are superficial and only triggers; NOT the real cause.
ok they are; the black shirt he wore, he walked funny, he talked funny and he looked funny.
i told you they were shallow and superficial. and no, i'm not trying to make myself feel better by admitting that. point is, i said that impulsively and immediately regretted it afterwards.
the REAL reason, as i have come to realize as i mulled it over the past few days; is basically the rush. over our phone calls, he made one- too- many jokes insinuating MARRIAGE (if you know me you would also know this is the stupidest thing a boy can do while courting me) and called me "yang", "dear" and "sweetie" which only gives me goosebumps- the scary kind. and all that hair -stroking got to me too. it was just uncomfortable to be that way with someone i barely know. and maybe i should have told him this but 1- i was sleepy, 2- i was impulsive and 3- you will never know how to say these things, either the guy knows it or he don't. faidzal didn't.
and of course he had to say he loved me. *shudder* too soon. you barely know the best bits of me to love.
that said, there is no denying i was mean and cruel and selfish and brainless when saturday happened. however i am glad i told him that so now when a girl comes along and likes him he will appreciate her more.
which is again true for all my exes. many have developed into fantastic boyfriends now because after having the girlfriend from hell, that is me :D, they become better, more appreciative boyfriends. so its all good.
now to get off this endless topic; let me just say SEA paper was not too bad, not too bad at all. considering i have never finished reading even ONE reading nor have i gone through ALL the lecture slides, i must say i wrote pretty good shit for that 2 hours. 5 pages some more. when you're crap, you're just CRAP. *beams*
tomorrow is soci of deviance, the only paper i actually have quasi- jitters for. i mean i like the subject and it'll be sad to flunk it, that's all.
tomorrow i will celebrate. just because i want to and i feel like it.
oh do NOT question my independence. i am asocial by nature and trust me, i can do many things on my own. all my life i lived my own life by my own rules and made sure survival was a one- man show. so don't come and give me flak about "it's high time you do things on your own'' cuz trust me you young unwise fool, i have been doing things on my own way before you even KNEW what being ALONE meant. so cap it. don't come around talking like you know me inside out cuz that pisses me off. you DON'T. so keep the mouth in check cuz everything coming out of it seems like a load of bullshit to me.
oooh issues issues. :D so now i will watch some tv, have some dinner, msn later then mug till tomorrow, take the bloody paper then celebrate over fondue. HOO WHEE!
the leg of the poor boy.
there is no pictures of his face cuz this picture, and many other stupid pictures were taken AFTER my honest ramble and i felt a need to do something to fill up the awkward silence and uncomfortable tension i've single- handedly created. heh.
i logged on to friendster and as always, ignored the little table on the left and bottom of my profile picture that told me my horoscope of the day.
but a word caught my eye. MUZZLE.
Bought yourself a muzzle yet? Has someone else? Either way, bet you're worried about what might pop out of your mouth next. Soothe your soul. Associate only with those who'll love you no matter what.
hahahahahaha.
damn funny can. given the circumstances. umm. ya. i AM worried about what might pop out of my mouth next. this mouth is ubridled and undaunted. as saturday have proven.
i guess i should just disclose what i cited as triggers to the sudden U- turn. keep in mind that they are superficial and only triggers; NOT the real cause.
ok they are; the black shirt he wore, he walked funny, he talked funny and he looked funny.
i told you they were shallow and superficial. and no, i'm not trying to make myself feel better by admitting that. point is, i said that impulsively and immediately regretted it afterwards.
the REAL reason, as i have come to realize as i mulled it over the past few days; is basically the rush. over our phone calls, he made one- too- many jokes insinuating MARRIAGE (if you know me you would also know this is the stupidest thing a boy can do while courting me) and called me "yang", "dear" and "sweetie" which only gives me goosebumps- the scary kind. and all that hair -stroking got to me too. it was just uncomfortable to be that way with someone i barely know. and maybe i should have told him this but 1- i was sleepy, 2- i was impulsive and 3- you will never know how to say these things, either the guy knows it or he don't. faidzal didn't.
and of course he had to say he loved me. *shudder* too soon. you barely know the best bits of me to love.
that said, there is no denying i was mean and cruel and selfish and brainless when saturday happened. however i am glad i told him that so now when a girl comes along and likes him he will appreciate her more.
which is again true for all my exes. many have developed into fantastic boyfriends now because after having the girlfriend from hell, that is me :D, they become better, more appreciative boyfriends. so its all good.
now to get off this endless topic; let me just say SEA paper was not too bad, not too bad at all. considering i have never finished reading even ONE reading nor have i gone through ALL the lecture slides, i must say i wrote pretty good shit for that 2 hours. 5 pages some more. when you're crap, you're just CRAP. *beams*
tomorrow is soci of deviance, the only paper i actually have quasi- jitters for. i mean i like the subject and it'll be sad to flunk it, that's all.
tomorrow i will celebrate. just because i want to and i feel like it.
oh do NOT question my independence. i am asocial by nature and trust me, i can do many things on my own. all my life i lived my own life by my own rules and made sure survival was a one- man show. so don't come and give me flak about "it's high time you do things on your own'' cuz trust me you young unwise fool, i have been doing things on my own way before you even KNEW what being ALONE meant. so cap it. don't come around talking like you know me inside out cuz that pisses me off. you DON'T. so keep the mouth in check cuz everything coming out of it seems like a load of bullshit to me.
oooh issues issues. :D so now i will watch some tv, have some dinner, msn later then mug till tomorrow, take the bloody paper then celebrate over fondue. HOO WHEE!
the leg of the poor boy.
there is no pictures of his face cuz this picture, and many other stupid pictures were taken AFTER my honest ramble and i felt a need to do something to fill up the awkward silence and uncomfortable tension i've single- handedly created. heh.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
-updated-
*multiple orgasms*
more orgasms. sheesh. dizzie i adore you.
if you send me more pictures of antwon tanner i will forever and ever be grateful to you. DIZZIE, i LOOOOOOOOOVE you.
he is so cute la. (antwon not diz. heh heh heh.) so so cute. do not question my taste ok? if everyone had the same idea of looking good then the world will be mighty unpeaceful (and as it is...).
he is Worm in Coach Carter and i thought his character was so darn CUTE. he is small and bald and smiley and haiya. cute la.
and i realize the safest people to have a crush on is not that boy working down that cafe, but the dude from the movies. cuz HE will never get to know you and vice versa and he will never call you up, date you out, hold your hand, touch your hair, say i love you, get dumped by you or talk to your mum about how suitable he is for you. no no no. see these boys are FAR FAR away and no way in blue heavens can they come close enough to be hurt by me.
so this is it la. i can only like movie stars.
all singaporeans are OUT.
ade ke patut. (that's uh, how could he.) after i told him i was sleepy last night he texted my mum. asking her if SHE thinks he is suitable with me.
wah lao ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
mum told him she sees no shortfall in him, in fact so far so good (BUT SEE SHE DIDN'T SAY YES YOU'RE RIGHT FOR HER WHOO HOO GO MUM!). but you have to take it easy and let nature take its course. my girl is very complicated in many ways."
considering hana talked to him on the phone yesterday (yes yesterday was actually pretty funny and messy but i'll give details when i think the time is right) and told him the same thing, that i'm complicated, i think this boy pretty much gets the idea now. just HOW complicated i am.
i don't want to talk about this anymore. bottomline is i'm a mean girl so be it. i will change insya- allah when the right guy comes along all this wouldn't even happen so there.
MUM'S GETTING ME A GREEN iPod MINI WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
double papers tomorrow, soci on tuesday and geog on friday. then vamoooooos.
then moving out. saturday. *chants* new room new room new room.
anyone want to kepo- kepo help me move out on saturday? give me a buzz. the more the merrier.
today there was a malay wedding at my void deck. then of course when the bridegroom comes there is those kompangs/ rebana boys (malay handheld drums) pounding away and i looked sadly out my window. mum asked what's wrong.
"can i have kompang boys the day we move? they can like kompang me all the way to my room or something. at the rate i'm going if i wait for my WEDDING to have kompang boys... PFFFFFFFFFFT."
mum just burst out laughing.
i know i know the right one will come along. i'm just worried if i will scare him off before he even comes close enough to smell my hair. which, according to most, smells great.
but too bad,
i'm left smelling and complimenting my own hair.
haha. eh so please hor. antwood tanner pictures. he is just so darn cute. tsk. want to kena slap.
*multiple orgasms*
more orgasms. sheesh. dizzie i adore you.
if you send me more pictures of antwon tanner i will forever and ever be grateful to you. DIZZIE, i LOOOOOOOOOVE you.
he is so cute la. (antwon not diz. heh heh heh.) so so cute. do not question my taste ok? if everyone had the same idea of looking good then the world will be mighty unpeaceful (and as it is...).
he is Worm in Coach Carter and i thought his character was so darn CUTE. he is small and bald and smiley and haiya. cute la.
and i realize the safest people to have a crush on is not that boy working down that cafe, but the dude from the movies. cuz HE will never get to know you and vice versa and he will never call you up, date you out, hold your hand, touch your hair, say i love you, get dumped by you or talk to your mum about how suitable he is for you. no no no. see these boys are FAR FAR away and no way in blue heavens can they come close enough to be hurt by me.
so this is it la. i can only like movie stars.
all singaporeans are OUT.
ade ke patut. (that's uh, how could he.) after i told him i was sleepy last night he texted my mum. asking her if SHE thinks he is suitable with me.
wah lao ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
mum told him she sees no shortfall in him, in fact so far so good (BUT SEE SHE DIDN'T SAY YES YOU'RE RIGHT FOR HER WHOO HOO GO MUM!). but you have to take it easy and let nature take its course. my girl is very complicated in many ways."
considering hana talked to him on the phone yesterday (yes yesterday was actually pretty funny and messy but i'll give details when i think the time is right) and told him the same thing, that i'm complicated, i think this boy pretty much gets the idea now. just HOW complicated i am.
i don't want to talk about this anymore. bottomline is i'm a mean girl so be it. i will change insya- allah when the right guy comes along all this wouldn't even happen so there.
MUM'S GETTING ME A GREEN iPod MINI WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
double papers tomorrow, soci on tuesday and geog on friday. then vamoooooos.
then moving out. saturday. *chants* new room new room new room.
anyone want to kepo- kepo help me move out on saturday? give me a buzz. the more the merrier.
today there was a malay wedding at my void deck. then of course when the bridegroom comes there is those kompangs/ rebana boys (malay handheld drums) pounding away and i looked sadly out my window. mum asked what's wrong.
"can i have kompang boys the day we move? they can like kompang me all the way to my room or something. at the rate i'm going if i wait for my WEDDING to have kompang boys... PFFFFFFFFFFT."
mum just burst out laughing.
i know i know the right one will come along. i'm just worried if i will scare him off before he even comes close enough to smell my hair. which, according to most, smells great.
but too bad,
i'm left smelling and complimenting my own hair.
haha. eh so please hor. antwood tanner pictures. he is just so darn cute. tsk. want to kena slap.
i'll try to keep it simple but i doubt that would make understanding it any easier.
yesterday. date. with faidzal. met him at city hall. walked to suntec. got tickets for coach carter (which is a GREAT movie btw). then sat at starbucks.
where i suddenly got that gut feel that i don't like him. not that way.
and me being me, i felt that i needed to let him know immediately. i messaged hana about 3- 4 messages, each having the words "dying"", "help!", and "i'm going to open my mouth now!".
she called and i went out for a bit to talk to her. she told me i was probably pms- ing again and being generally cranky from the lack of sleep. i will not mention the reasons i brought up for not liking him at that point in time. it was trivial and definitely a result of crankiness.
then i went back in, sat beside him, just, looked at him, and recalled how he calls me "yang" and "dear" and touches my hair and strokes it and treats me, basically, like a girlfriend, and i freaked.
i am NOT ready. at all. and madness ensues. cuz how do i say it now without causing lots of pain and misunderstanding?
well, do it the fiza way. honest blabbering.
so smack in the middle of starbucks suntec (comfy, real nice atmosphere i tell you, but NOT for breaking up) i poured out my thoughts to him. i told him i can't like him the way he likes me. he is getting serious and i am not there yet. he is ahead of me in the whole relationship business. he wants so much and i can't give him all that yet. and, most importantly, i pointed out that it is too early. we still barely know each other. and i apologized. and he just nodded and took it all in.
later in the movies he wrapped his arms around my knees (cuz of course fiza was sitting with her knees up, hugging it like she was at home watching cartoons) and then i felt him shivering in the cold. cuz i had no jacket to offer him, i took the arm around my knees and put it across his own body- an attempt to make him hug himself to keep warm from the cold. bad move. bad bad bad.
post- movie was awkward. he got gift vouchers for his manager's daughter and we went wismangan to give it to the girl. auntie mimi was there, beaming at the sight of us. *cringe*
then we sat near bugis junction. where he decided that he needed to talk to me.
"maybe it's time we draw the line. i feel like you don't like me, from the things you say and your body language. i understand la that you're not ready. i can see you're not. we can be friends la its ok. maybe its too soon for you."
fiza keeps quiet cuz i thought, and everyone here will agree, i've said enough. i just smiled weakly and nodded.
"i just hope i'll be the last la. someday you have to open up yourself to the idea of relationships..." nyehhhhh.
"but don't worry... we're still friends. i will still call you and we can still go out what, right?" more nods.
mum later came and join us and we went for dinner. by this time fiza was TERRIBLY SLEEPY. post- dinner was coffee connoiseure for chocolate cake which kept me awake for abit. mum asked if i wanted to spend the rest of the night with him or go home with her. i chose home. faid made a face at me. he kept making faces, hinting that he wants to spend the rest of the night with me. but i couldn't cuz 1- i was really sleepy beyond believe, and 2- i don't think i can take what's coming, a i- will- wait- for- you- to- change- your- mind speech.
so home it was. oh over desserts, mum and him really got on well. *sinking stomach feel*
in the cab home i told mum what happened. and she was actually happy that i was being honest to him, instead of just going along for the ride and just enjoy the free meals and movies. thing was, i still do enjoy his company, which is why i still want to talk to him on the phone and meet him and stuff, but it was the boyfriend- ish moves i couldn't take. and i told this to mum too.
the funniest bit of yesterday would be hafiz the ex, the belo one, the apek, the everything la, who gave me love advice. "no one is forcing you to like him. if you don't its ok. you didn't promise him anything." and yadayada. told him that its funny how he is the one dispensing love advice to me. and he said, "heh, i told you i'll always be there for you."
i feel like a giant overgrown enormous bitch walking and crushing all these boys as i go along.
so i got home and tried to watch some tv and ended up conking out on the sofa. faidzal called, as promised, at the stipulated time but i was groggy beyond believe and told him so. now i wonder if he thinks i was just avoiding him. but he should understand la. i was barely awake over dinner.
i know after all i said of him and how i felt about him was written here its mighty odd that i should have this about- turn. and not regret it the next morning (which is now). yeah i was kinda worried it was a sleepy- stoned- fiza move and i might kick myself for it today. but no. today i woke up, recalling perfectly well what i did last night and know it was the right decision.
he is not the person i see myself going far with. as i told hana, "it will just another uphill climb ending with fiza giving up in the end yet again." and its better now than later.
as it is friday night. well. i can't help thinking this had something to do with it la.
friday night he told me.
"i sayang you." and then quickly said, "but don't think about it or anything k. i'm just telling you."
that's I LOVE YOU in malay and no, saying it in malay does not reduce the PRESSURE that comes with it. and you can't tell me not to think of it after saying a phwoar like that.
cuz i, definitely, am not in love.
i hate myself. i really really should retreat to a cave and just bloody stay there before i accidentally make a move and hurt ANOTHER innocent nice boy. gaaaaaaaaah.
i have a hilarious life. my grandkids are going to have a blast on their weekends listening to these.
if i ever have any.
yesterday. date. with faidzal. met him at city hall. walked to suntec. got tickets for coach carter (which is a GREAT movie btw). then sat at starbucks.
where i suddenly got that gut feel that i don't like him. not that way.
and me being me, i felt that i needed to let him know immediately. i messaged hana about 3- 4 messages, each having the words "dying"", "help!", and "i'm going to open my mouth now!".
she called and i went out for a bit to talk to her. she told me i was probably pms- ing again and being generally cranky from the lack of sleep. i will not mention the reasons i brought up for not liking him at that point in time. it was trivial and definitely a result of crankiness.
then i went back in, sat beside him, just, looked at him, and recalled how he calls me "yang" and "dear" and touches my hair and strokes it and treats me, basically, like a girlfriend, and i freaked.
i am NOT ready. at all. and madness ensues. cuz how do i say it now without causing lots of pain and misunderstanding?
well, do it the fiza way. honest blabbering.
so smack in the middle of starbucks suntec (comfy, real nice atmosphere i tell you, but NOT for breaking up) i poured out my thoughts to him. i told him i can't like him the way he likes me. he is getting serious and i am not there yet. he is ahead of me in the whole relationship business. he wants so much and i can't give him all that yet. and, most importantly, i pointed out that it is too early. we still barely know each other. and i apologized. and he just nodded and took it all in.
later in the movies he wrapped his arms around my knees (cuz of course fiza was sitting with her knees up, hugging it like she was at home watching cartoons) and then i felt him shivering in the cold. cuz i had no jacket to offer him, i took the arm around my knees and put it across his own body- an attempt to make him hug himself to keep warm from the cold. bad move. bad bad bad.
post- movie was awkward. he got gift vouchers for his manager's daughter and we went wismangan to give it to the girl. auntie mimi was there, beaming at the sight of us. *cringe*
then we sat near bugis junction. where he decided that he needed to talk to me.
"maybe it's time we draw the line. i feel like you don't like me, from the things you say and your body language. i understand la that you're not ready. i can see you're not. we can be friends la its ok. maybe its too soon for you."
fiza keeps quiet cuz i thought, and everyone here will agree, i've said enough. i just smiled weakly and nodded.
"i just hope i'll be the last la. someday you have to open up yourself to the idea of relationships..." nyehhhhh.
"but don't worry... we're still friends. i will still call you and we can still go out what, right?" more nods.
mum later came and join us and we went for dinner. by this time fiza was TERRIBLY SLEEPY. post- dinner was coffee connoiseure for chocolate cake which kept me awake for abit. mum asked if i wanted to spend the rest of the night with him or go home with her. i chose home. faid made a face at me. he kept making faces, hinting that he wants to spend the rest of the night with me. but i couldn't cuz 1- i was really sleepy beyond believe, and 2- i don't think i can take what's coming, a i- will- wait- for- you- to- change- your- mind speech.
so home it was. oh over desserts, mum and him really got on well. *sinking stomach feel*
in the cab home i told mum what happened. and she was actually happy that i was being honest to him, instead of just going along for the ride and just enjoy the free meals and movies. thing was, i still do enjoy his company, which is why i still want to talk to him on the phone and meet him and stuff, but it was the boyfriend- ish moves i couldn't take. and i told this to mum too.
the funniest bit of yesterday would be hafiz the ex, the belo one, the apek, the everything la, who gave me love advice. "no one is forcing you to like him. if you don't its ok. you didn't promise him anything." and yadayada. told him that its funny how he is the one dispensing love advice to me. and he said, "heh, i told you i'll always be there for you."
i feel like a giant overgrown enormous bitch walking and crushing all these boys as i go along.
so i got home and tried to watch some tv and ended up conking out on the sofa. faidzal called, as promised, at the stipulated time but i was groggy beyond believe and told him so. now i wonder if he thinks i was just avoiding him. but he should understand la. i was barely awake over dinner.
i know after all i said of him and how i felt about him was written here its mighty odd that i should have this about- turn. and not regret it the next morning (which is now). yeah i was kinda worried it was a sleepy- stoned- fiza move and i might kick myself for it today. but no. today i woke up, recalling perfectly well what i did last night and know it was the right decision.
he is not the person i see myself going far with. as i told hana, "it will just another uphill climb ending with fiza giving up in the end yet again." and its better now than later.
as it is friday night. well. i can't help thinking this had something to do with it la.
friday night he told me.
"i sayang you." and then quickly said, "but don't think about it or anything k. i'm just telling you."
that's I LOVE YOU in malay and no, saying it in malay does not reduce the PRESSURE that comes with it. and you can't tell me not to think of it after saying a phwoar like that.
cuz i, definitely, am not in love.
i hate myself. i really really should retreat to a cave and just bloody stay there before i accidentally make a move and hurt ANOTHER innocent nice boy. gaaaaaaaaah.
i have a hilarious life. my grandkids are going to have a blast on their weekends listening to these.
if i ever have any.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
shit.
i give up. its now 7 and if i sleep i 1- get 3 hours and that is pointless, or, 2- might not wake up at all.
i'magonnabeastonedbitchtoday.
i better explain this to faid later in case i go off and do the many crazy things i do when stoned silly (yes the rest was when i wasn't so just IMAGINE, people, IMAGINE) i want him to know its due to lack of sleep and not innate insanity.
and it seriously IS a bitch of a weather i'm sweating like a redneck playing football. what an analogy i know. thank you.
i have exams in 1 day. sunday is my final day for redemption.
then all hell breaks loose. a free- for- all whereby i get my ass kicked by exams then an emotional joyride where i shall leave behind the place i called home for the past 6 years and then lay my ass on newfoundland.
i've been checking out girls online. i don't know why. haha. but dayyyyyyymm my species are HOT. ok i think i scared my homophobic pals. (i don't think i have any... erm.)
ah shit that line made me sound like a PERVERT! ok ok i take it back. i've been checking out celebrities ok? i got like, DAMN HOT PICS of portman, gwen stefani, jolie and aiya alot la. i am willing to share too! :D
and they are seriously hot. how did jolie get so hot? i seriously think she's the gorgeous- est thing in the world. if she ever turned lesbian i would follow suit. oh wait i am already a lesbonbon. sorry hana! shucks i sound scary. tsk. i need to stop.
but i can't mah! 3 hours of sleep is so pointless. so so pointless. i want to cry. i am going to be cranky and i'm going to pick fights and i will throw tantrums and throw things at him and we'll never talk ever ever again.
isn't it lovely to see a mad girl have a nervous breakdown at 7 a.m. and witness it all verbally on the world wide web?
man. i am such wholesome entertainment.
i give up. its now 7 and if i sleep i 1- get 3 hours and that is pointless, or, 2- might not wake up at all.
i'magonnabeastonedbitchtoday.
i better explain this to faid later in case i go off and do the many crazy things i do when stoned silly (yes the rest was when i wasn't so just IMAGINE, people, IMAGINE) i want him to know its due to lack of sleep and not innate insanity.
and it seriously IS a bitch of a weather i'm sweating like a redneck playing football. what an analogy i know. thank you.
i have exams in 1 day. sunday is my final day for redemption.
then all hell breaks loose. a free- for- all whereby i get my ass kicked by exams then an emotional joyride where i shall leave behind the place i called home for the past 6 years and then lay my ass on newfoundland.
i've been checking out girls online. i don't know why. haha. but dayyyyyyymm my species are HOT. ok i think i scared my homophobic pals. (i don't think i have any... erm.)
ah shit that line made me sound like a PERVERT! ok ok i take it back. i've been checking out celebrities ok? i got like, DAMN HOT PICS of portman, gwen stefani, jolie and aiya alot la. i am willing to share too! :D
and they are seriously hot. how did jolie get so hot? i seriously think she's the gorgeous- est thing in the world. if she ever turned lesbian i would follow suit. oh wait i am already a lesbonbon. sorry hana! shucks i sound scary. tsk. i need to stop.
but i can't mah! 3 hours of sleep is so pointless. so so pointless. i want to cry. i am going to be cranky and i'm going to pick fights and i will throw tantrums and throw things at him and we'll never talk ever ever again.
isn't it lovely to see a mad girl have a nervous breakdown at 7 a.m. and witness it all verbally on the world wide web?
man. i am such wholesome entertainment.
this is so damn pathetic. its gonna be second date already why can't i just bloody sleep?
bah.
and unlike last week, this time round we're meeting at 12. and i gotta wake up at like, 10. and that leaves me with 4.5 hours.
its so annoying how confident you are about me and you. boo.
and they really shouldn't screen runaway bride next sunday. might trigger something. *cringes*
but on a BRIGHT note next sunday i will be in my NEW HOME in my NEW ROOM with a NEW BED and a NEW BOYFRIEND!
gotcha.
kiddin'. ;)
bah.
and unlike last week, this time round we're meeting at 12. and i gotta wake up at like, 10. and that leaves me with 4.5 hours.
its so annoying how confident you are about me and you. boo.
and they really shouldn't screen runaway bride next sunday. might trigger something. *cringes*
but on a BRIGHT note next sunday i will be in my NEW HOME in my NEW ROOM with a NEW BED and a NEW BOYFRIEND!
gotcha.
kiddin'. ;)
GOD LOVES ME! :D
Dear Shakeela, Zat, Cheryl, and Fiza
Thank you for a very interesting and well-conceived project. I have to admit that I’ve been thinking about it and looking at it every now and then. The more I do this, the more I appreciate what you have done, and what potential your project has.
First of all, I’m impressed by the multi-dimensionality of your project, especially the fact that the project item is not just the collage itself but also the blog created by the author. At first, I was quite concerned that it seemed quite similar to the project from last semester that I showed you all. But it is in itself quite novel because it creates an extremely hybridized author, and the blog/artwork are both representative of her search for identity. Not many of us can truly claim to have such a diverse parentage, yet Singapore’s national discourse especially in the early 1990s sought to re-imagine the country as a sum of the neighbouring ethnicities and cultures. It is in this sense that Lauren McDonald becomes synecdochical of this national quest. Interestingly, it shows how the 1990s (and perhaps even now) discourse on Asian-ess forms a tension with the essentialist propensities of Singapore’s rigid notion of race, as espoused by its ideas of multiracialism and the CMIO formula. Secondly, the doubling of Lauren’s representation of her ancestral genealogy with cultural representations of her ancestral homelands give you the room to explore cultural prejudices that may exist in the Singaporean mindset, but they also suggest the inseparability of historical knowledge from our own cultural identities.
I thought your presentation was methodical, and it helped to “walk” your audience through the artwork and the author.
This was, in all, an excellent project. Congratulations.
Grade: A
------------------------------
Yew Kong Leong, Ph.D.
oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?!!?!? MUAHAHAHAHA.
Dear Shakeela, Zat, Cheryl, and Fiza
Thank you for a very interesting and well-conceived project. I have to admit that I’ve been thinking about it and looking at it every now and then. The more I do this, the more I appreciate what you have done, and what potential your project has.
First of all, I’m impressed by the multi-dimensionality of your project, especially the fact that the project item is not just the collage itself but also the blog created by the author. At first, I was quite concerned that it seemed quite similar to the project from last semester that I showed you all. But it is in itself quite novel because it creates an extremely hybridized author, and the blog/artwork are both representative of her search for identity. Not many of us can truly claim to have such a diverse parentage, yet Singapore’s national discourse especially in the early 1990s sought to re-imagine the country as a sum of the neighbouring ethnicities and cultures. It is in this sense that Lauren McDonald becomes synecdochical of this national quest. Interestingly, it shows how the 1990s (and perhaps even now) discourse on Asian-ess forms a tension with the essentialist propensities of Singapore’s rigid notion of race, as espoused by its ideas of multiracialism and the CMIO formula. Secondly, the doubling of Lauren’s representation of her ancestral genealogy with cultural representations of her ancestral homelands give you the room to explore cultural prejudices that may exist in the Singaporean mindset, but they also suggest the inseparability of historical knowledge from our own cultural identities.
I thought your presentation was methodical, and it helped to “walk” your audience through the artwork and the author.
This was, in all, an excellent project. Congratulations.
Grade: A
------------------------------
Yew Kong Leong, Ph.D.
oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?!!?!? MUAHAHAHAHA.
the word i looked for was sorry and saviour
mum calls you my saviour. :)
and you know what they say of mums.
today was a fantabulous day! had breakfast, AGAIN, and got to watch some cartoons and TOM & JERRY. oh i love them two. love love love.
evening was IKEA! new FURNITURE! HOO WHEE!
i am so so so in love with my new room already. it's going to be light grey and one wall is like dark grey and there's track lights there and there's going to be pictures and shelves and aaaaaaaaaaah i just can't wait!
a message sent to hananess and the beloness: "i am going to ikea. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. *orgasms*"
the apek replied, "ahh... another one of those furniture- related orgasms."
haha i thought that was damn cute can. sometimes i feel sad thinking of what we lost. i doubt i will ever meet anyone who got to know me as well as he did. every inch and angle, every flaw. he saw them all. :) and that is why this heart of mine will always have you inside.
so post- ikea was adam road. where i ate chicken rice and mum said it is so pointless to come and eat so far if i was just going to eat chicken rice. SORRY LA! i like lei.
i am very happy now. i have concluded that i am going to screw up this semester, with my bad attendance and late submissions. so i will probably retake this sem or something something. i wasted 6 months blablabla but i made mistakes and i will pay for it. i am not afraid to admit it. :)
i love my life now. my spell of bad luck and moody depression is over. the blog title stands true.
and you. thanks for having such faith in me. and for being here. for having good timing. ;) for giving things a second, third, and fourth chance. for making me laugh. for making me change for the better. for joking with my mum when i'm not around. for calling me what you call me. :) for being you.
history might or might not repeat itself. god knows if i have changed for the better in THAT department. but only time will tell.
and we have all the time in the world.
mum calls you my saviour. :)
and you know what they say of mums.
today was a fantabulous day! had breakfast, AGAIN, and got to watch some cartoons and TOM & JERRY. oh i love them two. love love love.
evening was IKEA! new FURNITURE! HOO WHEE!
i am so so so in love with my new room already. it's going to be light grey and one wall is like dark grey and there's track lights there and there's going to be pictures and shelves and aaaaaaaaaaah i just can't wait!
a message sent to hananess and the beloness: "i am going to ikea. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. *orgasms*"
the apek replied, "ahh... another one of those furniture- related orgasms."
haha i thought that was damn cute can. sometimes i feel sad thinking of what we lost. i doubt i will ever meet anyone who got to know me as well as he did. every inch and angle, every flaw. he saw them all. :) and that is why this heart of mine will always have you inside.
so post- ikea was adam road. where i ate chicken rice and mum said it is so pointless to come and eat so far if i was just going to eat chicken rice. SORRY LA! i like lei.
i am very happy now. i have concluded that i am going to screw up this semester, with my bad attendance and late submissions. so i will probably retake this sem or something something. i wasted 6 months blablabla but i made mistakes and i will pay for it. i am not afraid to admit it. :)
i love my life now. my spell of bad luck and moody depression is over. the blog title stands true.
and you. thanks for having such faith in me. and for being here. for having good timing. ;) for giving things a second, third, and fourth chance. for making me laugh. for making me change for the better. for joking with my mum when i'm not around. for calling me what you call me. :) for being you.
history might or might not repeat itself. god knows if i have changed for the better in THAT department. but only time will tell.
and we have all the time in the world.
Friday, April 22, 2005
he's nothing like what i want but i want him just the same.
does that make sense?
if he was near i'll run to him and apologize and take back all i've said.
part of me is glad he knows the real me. that he is scared. that he will stop liking me soon.
another part of me is kicking herself and dying to hold his hand again.
how like that.
does that make sense?
if he was near i'll run to him and apologize and take back all i've said.
part of me is glad he knows the real me. that he is scared. that he will stop liking me soon.
another part of me is kicking herself and dying to hold his hand again.
how like that.
why worry, like you said, there's no us
sigh. i have a KNACK. a KNACK for self- destructing all potential relationships i'm about to have.
out of the blue tonight i kidded with him to invite me to his wedding, if he happens to marry to his ex (who called me crying). i was just kidding, albeit i know now, in bad taste.
strike one.
he asked what i think about "us", and i said "there is no us", vehemently. "we're not together what. us doesn't exist." power la fiza.
strike two.
i decided that he has to know what a terrible person i am. so i opened with, "i am a horrible girlfriend." followed by a rambling monologue on how i have hurt my exes so many times in our relationships, how i am so bloody afraid of commitment, how i might not ever get married, how i dissapear at the sight of commitment and long- term relationships, how i will RUN once someone gets all hot and heavy and long- term on me. *stuffs foot in mouth*
strike three.
at one point he went quiet and i said "you've been very quiet tonight. why? are you mad at me?" "no. i'm not mad at you." "then? why the silence?" "i'm angry at myself." "for?" "for liking you."
basically the conversation was something like, me insisting that i am a terrible person who will just hurt him and him insisting he has faith in me, that i can change. i insisted that i will just hurt him like all his exes. and he said you can't tell these things. i told him i know myself. i know how easily bored and fickle i can be.
"oh well why you worry about all this. there is no us anyway."
sometimes i wish i knew when to shut up and just appreciate what's in front of me. instead of questioning it.
the phonecall ended on a somewhat better note but of course, damage is done. done- d.
i shall go shoot myself in the foot now.
sigh. i have a KNACK. a KNACK for self- destructing all potential relationships i'm about to have.
out of the blue tonight i kidded with him to invite me to his wedding, if he happens to marry to his ex (who called me crying). i was just kidding, albeit i know now, in bad taste.
strike one.
he asked what i think about "us", and i said "there is no us", vehemently. "we're not together what. us doesn't exist." power la fiza.
strike two.
i decided that he has to know what a terrible person i am. so i opened with, "i am a horrible girlfriend." followed by a rambling monologue on how i have hurt my exes so many times in our relationships, how i am so bloody afraid of commitment, how i might not ever get married, how i dissapear at the sight of commitment and long- term relationships, how i will RUN once someone gets all hot and heavy and long- term on me. *stuffs foot in mouth*
strike three.
at one point he went quiet and i said "you've been very quiet tonight. why? are you mad at me?" "no. i'm not mad at you." "then? why the silence?" "i'm angry at myself." "for?" "for liking you."
basically the conversation was something like, me insisting that i am a terrible person who will just hurt him and him insisting he has faith in me, that i can change. i insisted that i will just hurt him like all his exes. and he said you can't tell these things. i told him i know myself. i know how easily bored and fickle i can be.
"oh well why you worry about all this. there is no us anyway."
sometimes i wish i knew when to shut up and just appreciate what's in front of me. instead of questioning it.
the phonecall ended on a somewhat better note but of course, damage is done. done- d.
i shall go shoot myself in the foot now.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
i like waking up with you
albeit not literally.
slept at 5 a.m. and at 9 a.m. guitar riffs blasted in my ears. (clever mah sleep with phone beside my pillow.)
1 Message received. Faidzal.
"baby turn around and let me see your sexy body go bump bump bump... hahaha. ;P"
hahaha. no he wasn't being a lewd lao ti ko... it's from the movie we watched la. but i laughed cuz 1- inside joke and 2- i was all mussed- up in bed i wonder if he would really want to see my "sexy body go bump bump bump." haha.
he didn't call last night. it's almost like he knows if he calls too often he'll push my blah buttons. *pats fai's back* smart, smart.
he is SO busy and attentive at work that though he messaged me at 9 a.m. and we were having our random battle of wits again at this unearthly hour (to me it is), his last reply was at 9.46 a.m. and when i replied to that, no replies. why? cuz work starts at 10 and at 10 ON THE DOT he switches off to this, like, 'mode'.
he is extremely hardworking and i can see why he succeeds at everything he does. but then i'm reminded of him telling me his main flaw would be not having enough time for loved ones. hmm hmm.
that said, forum linked up in previous site is still up and hotly- discussed. how ah? am i chio or not? oh dear what a life- threatening decision.
someone pointed out how i posted pictures on my blog therefore i shouldn't complain that it is being misused and threaten to sue.
wah seriously DON'T be a fucktard. gazillion bloggers post their pictures on blogs, you think all of them not wary of it being misused? of course they are. that's why we have legal rights.
and chio or not seriously is a debate that is as important to me as a pen up my nose (read: not necessary). i post pictures on my blog cuz 1- heyyyyyyyyy! guess what? it is my blog and 2- whooooooooooops! MY pictures lei! i do not post pictures of myself to display how gorgeous i am cuz if i do you think i so stupid go and post all those stupid cheesy pictures of myself? if i want to portray myself as hot/ sexy/ chio/ kawaii/ kanina- whatever- other- stupid- names- you- have, i will PHOTOSHOP myself like all the rest of you mah. :) even xiaxue believes in photoshop, look where she is now. ;)
so many of my blogger friends post pictures. is it because they all think they are the next ms universe? i don't think so. because blogging is a form of expression, and pictures are expressive too. you can critic these expressions of thought, you can laugh at it or cry with it, but you cannot copy- and- paste it without the permission of the owner of those very thoughts- be it verbal or pictorial.
this blog was created by me and all ideas and pictures here are mine unless otherwise stated. hence, it is my property and an infringement of this, is illegal and hence i CAN sue.
i wonder how the people on those forum would feel if i right- clicked and save THEIR pictures and post it here and start a poll: chio or not? *beams* should i should i should i? heh heh heh.
no la i won't. cuz 1- too lazy, 2- american idol starts NOW, and 3- i don't want to get sued.
hahahahahahaha.
albeit not literally.
slept at 5 a.m. and at 9 a.m. guitar riffs blasted in my ears. (clever mah sleep with phone beside my pillow.)
1 Message received. Faidzal.
"baby turn around and let me see your sexy body go bump bump bump... hahaha. ;P"
hahaha. no he wasn't being a lewd lao ti ko... it's from the movie we watched la. but i laughed cuz 1- inside joke and 2- i was all mussed- up in bed i wonder if he would really want to see my "sexy body go bump bump bump." haha.
he didn't call last night. it's almost like he knows if he calls too often he'll push my blah buttons. *pats fai's back* smart, smart.
he is SO busy and attentive at work that though he messaged me at 9 a.m. and we were having our random battle of wits again at this unearthly hour (to me it is), his last reply was at 9.46 a.m. and when i replied to that, no replies. why? cuz work starts at 10 and at 10 ON THE DOT he switches off to this, like, 'mode'.
he is extremely hardworking and i can see why he succeeds at everything he does. but then i'm reminded of him telling me his main flaw would be not having enough time for loved ones. hmm hmm.
that said, forum linked up in previous site is still up and hotly- discussed. how ah? am i chio or not? oh dear what a life- threatening decision.
someone pointed out how i posted pictures on my blog therefore i shouldn't complain that it is being misused and threaten to sue.
wah seriously DON'T be a fucktard. gazillion bloggers post their pictures on blogs, you think all of them not wary of it being misused? of course they are. that's why we have legal rights.
and chio or not seriously is a debate that is as important to me as a pen up my nose (read: not necessary). i post pictures on my blog cuz 1- heyyyyyyyyy! guess what? it is my blog and 2- whooooooooooops! MY pictures lei! i do not post pictures of myself to display how gorgeous i am cuz if i do you think i so stupid go and post all those stupid cheesy pictures of myself? if i want to portray myself as hot/ sexy/ chio/ kawaii/ kanina- whatever- other- stupid- names- you- have, i will PHOTOSHOP myself like all the rest of you mah. :) even xiaxue believes in photoshop, look where she is now. ;)
so many of my blogger friends post pictures. is it because they all think they are the next ms universe? i don't think so. because blogging is a form of expression, and pictures are expressive too. you can critic these expressions of thought, you can laugh at it or cry with it, but you cannot copy- and- paste it without the permission of the owner of those very thoughts- be it verbal or pictorial.
this blog was created by me and all ideas and pictures here are mine unless otherwise stated. hence, it is my property and an infringement of this, is illegal and hence i CAN sue.
i wonder how the people on those forum would feel if i right- clicked and save THEIR pictures and post it here and start a poll: chio or not? *beams* should i should i should i? heh heh heh.
no la i won't. cuz 1- too lazy, 2- american idol starts NOW, and 3- i don't want to get sued.
hahahahahahaha.
i believe in karma, and i honestly believe i must have been horribly terrible to someone or another at some point of time in my life.
cuz this happened.
haiya. dear God, whatever i have done, i beg your forgiveness cuz all this is wearing me out a lil'. just a lil'. i am not losing faith, i am just seeking a little leeway. if you will. i got exams. i cannot have anymore cows. no time.
anyway, i have posted a reply on the forum and tomorrow i will look it up to see if it has been deleted. or else i guess suing is the only other option.
i can laugh at myself, and i can take it when people laugh at me too. but i refuse to be made public mockery of.
cuz no one deserves that, and especially not by a total stranger.
and if you're not a stranger and you have a serious problem with me, say it to my face ok?
i am sick of fighting off knives thrown from people hiding behind walls.
come out and face me. i doubt you even find me threatening so why hide down there?
that said i won't let that spoil my happiness that was dinner at wismangan (free again courtesy of sweetness) and desserts at Coffee Club- fondue and mud pie. yum.
however. it has been a rough week (or a FEW rough weeks?). the world is seemingly anxious at pulling me down.
i know people go through worse. i know i have more than most.
but lately it seems at every turn i keep stepping on a mine or banging into a wall.
tired tired tired.
cuz this happened.
haiya. dear God, whatever i have done, i beg your forgiveness cuz all this is wearing me out a lil'. just a lil'. i am not losing faith, i am just seeking a little leeway. if you will. i got exams. i cannot have anymore cows. no time.
anyway, i have posted a reply on the forum and tomorrow i will look it up to see if it has been deleted. or else i guess suing is the only other option.
i can laugh at myself, and i can take it when people laugh at me too. but i refuse to be made public mockery of.
cuz no one deserves that, and especially not by a total stranger.
and if you're not a stranger and you have a serious problem with me, say it to my face ok?
i am sick of fighting off knives thrown from people hiding behind walls.
come out and face me. i doubt you even find me threatening so why hide down there?
that said i won't let that spoil my happiness that was dinner at wismangan (free again courtesy of sweetness) and desserts at Coffee Club- fondue and mud pie. yum.
however. it has been a rough week (or a FEW rough weeks?). the world is seemingly anxious at pulling me down.
i know people go through worse. i know i have more than most.
but lately it seems at every turn i keep stepping on a mine or banging into a wall.
tired tired tired.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
my ironic strife for perfection
long chat with hananess last night. where i changed my mind about 456712349 times. apparently teeth, grammar, spelling and a lisp is NOT good enough reason to rule out men. i guess i hafta agree la. reluctantly.
i like what i can't get. when something is within reach, when it seems like i CAN get it, i don't want it anymore. so basically my life is going to be a long vicious cycle of sadism. oooh wheee.
walked mum to the bus- stop today. and we talked. and i told her, very suddenly, "i suddenly feel like i DON'T like fai. like, just DON'T." she stared at me blankly, snorted, and shook her head.
WEEEEI. react can.
she said, "ok... well it's still early... give it time la. besides if you don't then just stay friends la."
later after we were talking about other things, i just burst.
"he lisps."
i looked at mum with a don't- kill- me face and she caught my eye and we burst out laughing.
"i knew it! you always like that one. suddenly nitpick on one small thing and it becomes so huge you are blinded and don't see everything else he has."
but it's not just the lisp la. i want a soulmate. i want someone whom i can race go- karts with and enjoy lazy sundays in bed reading books with. i want ALOT la. like i told hana, i wanted 200 things in a guy, faid came along and added another 20 to it, and now he falls short of it though it was him who raised the bar. (i.e. it is now 220 but he's only 200.)
i told mum that faid is so right and flawless (well aside from the crap of lisping and spelling) that i am afraid in the future the shit will explode and her turns out to be real dumb or have weird fetishes or just SOMETHING la. and mum stared at me and said, "at this rate, fi, you will never get attached. you will not get married and you will die alone." wah lao. early morning don't give me this can.
(an excerpt from my convo with hana)
Me: my main problem abt faid is
Me: he is too right.
Me: his minorrrr minooor flaws aside
Me: he is everything.
Me: he has everything i ever wanted and more.
Me: and i am scared
Me: that one day
Me: shit will explode
Me: and he will be like
Me: a serial killer
Me: or married in batam
Me: or really mindfuckingly dumb
Me: or somethingggggggggggg laaaaaaaaaa
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: gila eh?
Me: you understand or not??!?
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: wahahahaha
she LAUGHS. bah.
mum told me how when she first met my ayah she hated him. he was old and ugly and obiang (see where i get my traits from?). but then he was persistent and determined. and he was a gentleman. and he eventually won her heart.
"if i had put him against my "list", he totally lost. he wouldn't have been your dad if i had set him against my list cuz he had nothing i wanted and everything i didn't want."
and that was a very scary thought, that a "list" could have made me not happen or worse, have a different dad.
i know the age- old cliche of no one's perfect, especially not you, so don't expect perfection yadayada. but i can't help it la. what i want is not perfection what. my man is not perfect, he is just everything i want. then mum pointedly said, "ya but sometimes one thing you want in a person doesn't go with another thing. like maybe you can't have a smart AND humble man, you know?"
*grinds teeth*
but all is well cuz i decided i don't have to think or do anything yet for now cuz 1- i have exams to study for and 2- i still just got to know faid.
it's just this... BAD BAD BAD habit to RUN off (in the opposite direction, far far away from man- in- question) when someone professes feelings and serious shit to me.
Me: i sense a
Me: um
Me: a run
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: yeah.
Me: eeeeyerrrrrrrrrrrrr
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: twit.
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: hahahahaha
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: wah lau eh...
Me: SOMEONE TIE ME TO A TREE CANNNNNNNNNN
Me: WAH LAOOOOOOO RUNN RUNNNN TIRED SIALLLLLLLL
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: can nail your feet to the floor for like ONE SECOND or not
sob. this is a sad life. haha.
but anyway after 4 hours of conversation i decided that it is unfair to throw faidzal out just yet. (now is a very good time to point out suddenly i got that gut feel again. that i don't like fai feel. what is UP man. really. i am moodswinging faster than you can say "fizaisaficklebitch.")
then hana said, you took so long to decide on something so trivial, what the hell is going to happen when someone proposes?
waaaaaaaaah. bad bad question. BAd MENTAL PLACE.
and of course i HAD to think of it la cuz she brought it up. and the minute i said it i knew it would happen.
Me: if he starts kneeling (he better not hor so unoriginal but if he does)
Me: i will start muttering oh shit oh shit under my breathe
Me: and when he does
Me: i will slam my head on the table
Me: cover my face with the napkin (assuming we're at dinner)
Me: and say
Me: wah laooooooooooooo
Me: why the hell did u do that forrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Me: then take off napkin
Me: smile
Me: and say
Me: ok sorry that wasn't me
Me: that was fiza a few yrs ago
Me: then say
Me: uhhhhhhhhhh i think first can
Me: then go home have 20 000 cows.
Me: wow sounds romantic
i'm hopeless. i know. another wonderful example would be yesterday when mum came into my room to discuss my new room in woodlands and whether i want the curtain rails to stay or go. i told her to get rid of it. and she asked then if i want to replace it with curtain rods. told her it's pointless i hate curtains i will never have curtains in my room blablabla. and she said,
"aiya but one day also will need curtains what. wait you get married how?"
i was startled and silenced and just stared at her and gave her a what- the- hell- are- you- talking- about face.
"ya la what you get married people will come to the house what, if got hantaran (comprising of aforementioned metal platters with shit that you put on the bed) will put in your room what, if you get married it will be in your room what, you get married people will surely go in and out of your room right, if you get married for sure need to hang curtains in every room in the house la!"
i just wanted to faint cuz she said "get married" about 36 million times in that one short monologue.
aiya conclusion is, i suck at being a girl. ya. i am much better off a guy. i will be tall, smart, handsome and girls will drool after me. and i will know what to do with girls like me.
but too bad la right. cannot do anything.
sigh. i hate hurting people but i keep doing it anyway.
long chat with hananess last night. where i changed my mind about 456712349 times. apparently teeth, grammar, spelling and a lisp is NOT good enough reason to rule out men. i guess i hafta agree la. reluctantly.
i like what i can't get. when something is within reach, when it seems like i CAN get it, i don't want it anymore. so basically my life is going to be a long vicious cycle of sadism. oooh wheee.
walked mum to the bus- stop today. and we talked. and i told her, very suddenly, "i suddenly feel like i DON'T like fai. like, just DON'T." she stared at me blankly, snorted, and shook her head.
WEEEEI. react can.
she said, "ok... well it's still early... give it time la. besides if you don't then just stay friends la."
later after we were talking about other things, i just burst.
"he lisps."
i looked at mum with a don't- kill- me face and she caught my eye and we burst out laughing.
"i knew it! you always like that one. suddenly nitpick on one small thing and it becomes so huge you are blinded and don't see everything else he has."
but it's not just the lisp la. i want a soulmate. i want someone whom i can race go- karts with and enjoy lazy sundays in bed reading books with. i want ALOT la. like i told hana, i wanted 200 things in a guy, faid came along and added another 20 to it, and now he falls short of it though it was him who raised the bar. (i.e. it is now 220 but he's only 200.)
i told mum that faid is so right and flawless (well aside from the crap of lisping and spelling) that i am afraid in the future the shit will explode and her turns out to be real dumb or have weird fetishes or just SOMETHING la. and mum stared at me and said, "at this rate, fi, you will never get attached. you will not get married and you will die alone." wah lao. early morning don't give me this can.
(an excerpt from my convo with hana)
Me: my main problem abt faid is
Me: he is too right.
Me: his minorrrr minooor flaws aside
Me: he is everything.
Me: he has everything i ever wanted and more.
Me: and i am scared
Me: that one day
Me: shit will explode
Me: and he will be like
Me: a serial killer
Me: or married in batam
Me: or really mindfuckingly dumb
Me: or somethingggggggggggg laaaaaaaaaa
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: gila eh?
Me: you understand or not??!?
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: wahahahaha
she LAUGHS. bah.
mum told me how when she first met my ayah she hated him. he was old and ugly and obiang (see where i get my traits from?). but then he was persistent and determined. and he was a gentleman. and he eventually won her heart.
"if i had put him against my "list", he totally lost. he wouldn't have been your dad if i had set him against my list cuz he had nothing i wanted and everything i didn't want."
and that was a very scary thought, that a "list" could have made me not happen or worse, have a different dad.
i know the age- old cliche of no one's perfect, especially not you, so don't expect perfection yadayada. but i can't help it la. what i want is not perfection what. my man is not perfect, he is just everything i want. then mum pointedly said, "ya but sometimes one thing you want in a person doesn't go with another thing. like maybe you can't have a smart AND humble man, you know?"
*grinds teeth*
but all is well cuz i decided i don't have to think or do anything yet for now cuz 1- i have exams to study for and 2- i still just got to know faid.
it's just this... BAD BAD BAD habit to RUN off (in the opposite direction, far far away from man- in- question) when someone professes feelings and serious shit to me.
Me: i sense a
Me: um
Me: a run
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: yeah.
Me: eeeeyerrrrrrrrrrrrr
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: twit.
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: hahahahaha
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: wah lau eh...
Me: SOMEONE TIE ME TO A TREE CANNNNNNNNNN
Me: WAH LAOOOOOOO RUNN RUNNNN TIRED SIALLLLLLLL
(hana) to find solace in your arms again...: can nail your feet to the floor for like ONE SECOND or not
sob. this is a sad life. haha.
but anyway after 4 hours of conversation i decided that it is unfair to throw faidzal out just yet. (now is a very good time to point out suddenly i got that gut feel again. that i don't like fai feel. what is UP man. really. i am moodswinging faster than you can say "fizaisaficklebitch.")
then hana said, you took so long to decide on something so trivial, what the hell is going to happen when someone proposes?
waaaaaaaaah. bad bad question. BAd MENTAL PLACE.
and of course i HAD to think of it la cuz she brought it up. and the minute i said it i knew it would happen.
Me: if he starts kneeling (he better not hor so unoriginal but if he does)
Me: i will start muttering oh shit oh shit under my breathe
Me: and when he does
Me: i will slam my head on the table
Me: cover my face with the napkin (assuming we're at dinner)
Me: and say
Me: wah laooooooooooooo
Me: why the hell did u do that forrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Me: then take off napkin
Me: smile
Me: and say
Me: ok sorry that wasn't me
Me: that was fiza a few yrs ago
Me: then say
Me: uhhhhhhhhhh i think first can
Me: then go home have 20 000 cows.
Me: wow sounds romantic
i'm hopeless. i know. another wonderful example would be yesterday when mum came into my room to discuss my new room in woodlands and whether i want the curtain rails to stay or go. i told her to get rid of it. and she asked then if i want to replace it with curtain rods. told her it's pointless i hate curtains i will never have curtains in my room blablabla. and she said,
"aiya but one day also will need curtains what. wait you get married how?"
i was startled and silenced and just stared at her and gave her a what- the- hell- are- you- talking- about face.
"ya la what you get married people will come to the house what, if got hantaran (comprising of aforementioned metal platters with shit that you put on the bed) will put in your room what, if you get married it will be in your room what, you get married people will surely go in and out of your room right, if you get married for sure need to hang curtains in every room in the house la!"
i just wanted to faint cuz she said "get married" about 36 million times in that one short monologue.
aiya conclusion is, i suck at being a girl. ya. i am much better off a guy. i will be tall, smart, handsome and girls will drool after me. and i will know what to do with girls like me.
but too bad la right. cannot do anything.
sigh. i hate hurting people but i keep doing it anyway.
not so terrer afterall
after years spent thinking i am the mightiest there is, the mightiest there was and the mightiest there ever will be, tonight proved dismal.
i always thought i was a terrer muffin cuz i just THINK SO la CAN.
see? strong and mighty that's me.
anyway. so i always thought i damn brave ah. how lian mah.
tonight a friend felt "something" in his room. and decided to consult his super- brave, terrer muffin friend. me. :)
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: fiza
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: i think im being visited
Me: ah?
Me: by?
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: by something not of this earth...
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: got something in my room
Me: seriously.
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: uhuh
Me: get out.
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: haha
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: get out?
Me: of the room la
yes i know not the best of advice but hey i ain't no ghostbuster.
Me: are the lights on? (basing this on the very kiddy perception that lights scares the ninny out of ghosts)
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: uhuh
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: my room lights are on
Me: umm
Me: utter some prayers
Me: sheesh i'm like thinking
Me: do they read msn?
Me: never mind.
Me: and now that i've said that are they gonna come to my room!?!?!
Me: oh god. (at this point, my friend wasn't replying and *i* freaked)
Me: oioioi
Me: don't go quiet on me
-_-. i suck. anyways no scary story tonight. he called me we chilled and laughed and all is fine and fiza is slowly deluding herself into thinking she is quite terrer still.
i was doing research for my mat/ minah, beng/ lian and makkal/ anjali term project and i thought this was damn funny.
(courtesy of The Coxford Singlish Dictionary)
APU NEH NEH (Contributed by lanmao)
Childish and racist term for an Indian man.
(To a child): " Don't go out by yourself , skarly the Apu neh-neh catch you then you know!"
hahahahaha. APU NEH NEH! i am not laughing at indians hor i am laughing at the term. i am not racist i have indian friends and relatives. so don't slam me for racism or i will slam you for being a stupid narrow- minded nehneh pok.
an apu neh neh.
(updated)
i forgot i got an apu neh neh friend. this one you go out alone hor, he will REALLY catch you. and do bad bad horrible stuff to you. beware of this apu neh neh. hahaha.
a gramaphone.
no relevance but that's the whole point.
i hate it when i am talking and this person i am conversing with ask me, "what's your point?"
*sings* if you still don't know me by nowwwww...
then you will NEVER cuz BY GOD i NEVER have a point??! remember?!?! i am a random rambling pointless person. the point is ME. i am the point. the random rambling point that goes off- the- range every half- a minute. my points don't go anywhere. my points have no meaning. they have presence. i speak and that's the point. it just stays there, floats in the air and absorbs your aura. my points are happy going nowhere and tap- dancing their life away.
i have happy going- nowhere points ok. so don't tell me i am pointless just because my points have no direction. why must make the points move here and there? leave the bloody points alone. it's bad enough that you keep wanting to make one. then you make it go here there everywhere back and forth till YOU LOSE YOUR BLOODY POINT.
see. be like me. my points stay here *flails arms around* with me, happy to be in my lovely presence. my my fiza is so self- absorbed.
well it IS my points. why shouldn't it enjoy my company? besides, i don't think i know anyone who likes points who (personification! my points are real!human!people! hallelujah!) tap- dance. if you do gimme a ring i'll give you some of my points. :D
ah. such pleasure. you see my point now?
after years spent thinking i am the mightiest there is, the mightiest there was and the mightiest there ever will be, tonight proved dismal.
i always thought i was a terrer muffin cuz i just THINK SO la CAN.
see? strong and mighty that's me.
anyway. so i always thought i damn brave ah. how lian mah.
tonight a friend felt "something" in his room. and decided to consult his super- brave, terrer muffin friend. me. :)
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: fiza
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: i think im being visited
Me: ah?
Me: by?
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: by something not of this earth...
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: got something in my room
Me: seriously.
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: uhuh
Me: get out.
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: haha
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: get out?
Me: of the room la
yes i know not the best of advice but hey i ain't no ghostbuster.
Me: are the lights on? (basing this on the very kiddy perception that lights scares the ninny out of ghosts)
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: uhuh
AntiExams-NeoAnarchist-ProUtopian: my room lights are on
Me: umm
Me: utter some prayers
Me: sheesh i'm like thinking
Me: do they read msn?
Me: never mind.
Me: and now that i've said that are they gonna come to my room!?!?!
Me: oh god. (at this point, my friend wasn't replying and *i* freaked)
Me: oioioi
Me: don't go quiet on me
-_-. i suck. anyways no scary story tonight. he called me we chilled and laughed and all is fine and fiza is slowly deluding herself into thinking she is quite terrer still.
i was doing research for my mat/ minah, beng/ lian and makkal/ anjali term project and i thought this was damn funny.
(courtesy of The Coxford Singlish Dictionary)
APU NEH NEH (Contributed by lanmao)
Childish and racist term for an Indian man.
(To a child): " Don't go out by yourself , skarly the Apu neh-neh catch you then you know!"
hahahahaha. APU NEH NEH! i am not laughing at indians hor i am laughing at the term. i am not racist i have indian friends and relatives. so don't slam me for racism or i will slam you for being a stupid narrow- minded nehneh pok.
an apu neh neh.
(updated)
i forgot i got an apu neh neh friend. this one you go out alone hor, he will REALLY catch you. and do bad bad horrible stuff to you. beware of this apu neh neh. hahaha.
a gramaphone.
no relevance but that's the whole point.
i hate it when i am talking and this person i am conversing with ask me, "what's your point?"
*sings* if you still don't know me by nowwwww...
then you will NEVER cuz BY GOD i NEVER have a point??! remember?!?! i am a random rambling pointless person. the point is ME. i am the point. the random rambling point that goes off- the- range every half- a minute. my points don't go anywhere. my points have no meaning. they have presence. i speak and that's the point. it just stays there, floats in the air and absorbs your aura. my points are happy going nowhere and tap- dancing their life away.
i have happy going- nowhere points ok. so don't tell me i am pointless just because my points have no direction. why must make the points move here and there? leave the bloody points alone. it's bad enough that you keep wanting to make one. then you make it go here there everywhere back and forth till YOU LOSE YOUR BLOODY POINT.
see. be like me. my points stay here *flails arms around* with me, happy to be in my lovely presence. my my fiza is so self- absorbed.
well it IS my points. why shouldn't it enjoy my company? besides, i don't think i know anyone who likes points who (personification! my points are real!human!people! hallelujah!) tap- dance. if you do gimme a ring i'll give you some of my points. :D
ah. such pleasure. you see my point now?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
i am about to start typing out 10 pages worth of fake data and interviews.
then i will start on readings.
bah.
i was watching kids central while i was smoking out interviews and surveys and suddenly this totally idiotic loud voice boomed throughout my living room,
"What happens, when kimei, puts a FAIRY, in a CUP?"
*collective gasp*
shut up la you stupid shit she put fairy in cup her PROBLEM LA WAH LAO.
i changed the channel and an overgrown boy- man appears on my screen, sticking his head out of a fake igloo. "hi friends! i am in SNOW CITY! ooh look snow! *graps a handful* wah, all we need is syrup then can make ice- kachang!"
what the hell are the media twits doing? what rubbish are they trying to feed kids? i want to die now if my kids is to be subjected to such banal entertainment while they grow up. bloody hell.
switched back to kids central and it was garfield trying to make penelope, his girlfriend, jealous by flirting with a hugely ugly purple cat with funky red lipstick. oh brother.
i want to be an interior designer. then what am i doing in this blasted course? you tell me.
i want to be a writer too but what are the chances of that happening here. i am no catherine lim.
i want guylian chocolates. seashells. mmm.
i want to go shopping. i want the pink shoes from x:odus and a handbag and and and a umm. a skirt! to celebrate feminity! hahaha.
i want a piggy- back ride.
i DON'T want to study.
this has been a very cranky entry. (wow WHAT a perceptive insight fiza. why thank you my schizo half!)
and no, i am not attached. to those who asked. if i am attached i won't be still alone, still happy what right?
i don't want to get attached yet la. the thought of going through the whole madness again is quite, well, discouraging. i just want to be happy. and i am la. the way i am.
i just realized that my life is so damn bloody happening. so many men. like soap opera like that. haha.
but it will come to an end. will. :)
wah lao eh weather damn hot can. nahiak just sit still also can sweat. what kind of rubbish is this.
i.am.cranky. crankyyyyyyyyyyyyy. craaaaaaaaaaaaanky. crrrrr crrrrrrrr crrrrrrrrrrr... cranky!
oh ya you know when malays get married they send this platters and platters full of shit (well not literally) to each other? and they put it on the marriage bed for display?
well yesterday i was watching this malay drama and this couple were still in their wedding outfits all glittery and gaudy and the bed was full of this metal platters (dulangs, right?) that holds cake and chocolate and clothes and shoes that they've exchanged and the moron- of- a- husband actually approached his pure virginal bride and gave that "we're about to have sex yay!" smile, and the bride did the whole turn- my- face- away- cuz- i- am- so- shy bit and i just went,
"BLOODY HELL WANT TO FUCK ALSO WAIT LA GET RID OF THOSE METAL PLATTERS FIRST LA CAN?"
damn stupid sial. what cock. can't wait to fuck one meh. i hope my husband don't do that cuz i will shout the above- typed statement to him one lor.
then i will start on readings.
bah.
i was watching kids central while i was smoking out interviews and surveys and suddenly this totally idiotic loud voice boomed throughout my living room,
"What happens, when kimei, puts a FAIRY, in a CUP?"
*collective gasp*
shut up la you stupid shit she put fairy in cup her PROBLEM LA WAH LAO.
i changed the channel and an overgrown boy- man appears on my screen, sticking his head out of a fake igloo. "hi friends! i am in SNOW CITY! ooh look snow! *graps a handful* wah, all we need is syrup then can make ice- kachang!"
what the hell are the media twits doing? what rubbish are they trying to feed kids? i want to die now if my kids is to be subjected to such banal entertainment while they grow up. bloody hell.
switched back to kids central and it was garfield trying to make penelope, his girlfriend, jealous by flirting with a hugely ugly purple cat with funky red lipstick. oh brother.
i want to be an interior designer. then what am i doing in this blasted course? you tell me.
i want to be a writer too but what are the chances of that happening here. i am no catherine lim.
i want guylian chocolates. seashells. mmm.
i want to go shopping. i want the pink shoes from x:odus and a handbag and and and a umm. a skirt! to celebrate feminity! hahaha.
i want a piggy- back ride.
i DON'T want to study.
this has been a very cranky entry. (wow WHAT a perceptive insight fiza. why thank you my schizo half!)
and no, i am not attached. to those who asked. if i am attached i won't be still alone, still happy what right?
i don't want to get attached yet la. the thought of going through the whole madness again is quite, well, discouraging. i just want to be happy. and i am la. the way i am.
i just realized that my life is so damn bloody happening. so many men. like soap opera like that. haha.
but it will come to an end. will. :)
wah lao eh weather damn hot can. nahiak just sit still also can sweat. what kind of rubbish is this.
i.am.cranky. crankyyyyyyyyyyyyy. craaaaaaaaaaaaanky. crrrrr crrrrrrrr crrrrrrrrrrr... cranky!
oh ya you know when malays get married they send this platters and platters full of shit (well not literally) to each other? and they put it on the marriage bed for display?
well yesterday i was watching this malay drama and this couple were still in their wedding outfits all glittery and gaudy and the bed was full of this metal platters (dulangs, right?) that holds cake and chocolate and clothes and shoes that they've exchanged and the moron- of- a- husband actually approached his pure virginal bride and gave that "we're about to have sex yay!" smile, and the bride did the whole turn- my- face- away- cuz- i- am- so- shy bit and i just went,
"BLOODY HELL WANT TO FUCK ALSO WAIT LA GET RID OF THOSE METAL PLATTERS FIRST LA CAN?"
damn stupid sial. what cock. can't wait to fuck one meh. i hope my husband don't do that cuz i will shout the above- typed statement to him one lor.
issues, issues
spent the day with hana. met her for lunch and dinner. LIKE WEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW we are SUCH lesbonbons! :D
had my banditto, WHEE! and got myself a BOX OF BELGIAN CHOCOLATES. so, i rock.
we drank sinalco. when we were looking for what bottled drinks to buy we decided on sinalco cuz we wanted old school.
then we watched autumn in new york cuz hana wanted sappy so SHE GOT IT! sappy right... hahaha. and richard gere is so damn hot. i bet he still will have hot funky sex at 64. damn.
opocot ade orang telepon (oops, phone call). be right back hor. :D
--------------------------------------------------------
BACK! time check 4.23 a.m. got off the phone with the sweetness who got an asthma attack and had a terrible coughing fit.
he sneezed and it was so damn loud i burst out laughing. and i told him his sneeze sounded like an apek shouting. really.
the royal sweetness doesn't eat asam pedas- this malay dish i adore. but he knows how to make muar chee, lopis, sticky rice, wan tan, rendang, ketupat, lontong and godknowswhatelse so ok la. i will make him learn how to make asam pedas though. what kind of malay doesn't eat asam pedas?
me: you don't eat asam pedas? whyyyyyyyyyyyy!
him: i just don't la. it doesn't look appetising.
me: are you NUTS?!?! it's ASAM PEDAS! how can it not look APPETISING! what kind of a malay are you?!?! asam pedas is THE malay lauk la!
him: no la i don't really like fish la...
me: YOU DON'T LIKE FISH!?!?! WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOESN'T LIKE FISH!?!?!
him: me la.
me: HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT FISH??! ARE YOU MAD? THEN WHAT CAN YOU EAT?!?!
him: well i do eat sting- rays, certain garoupas and some others la. not all. prawns also i don't eat.
me: WHAT?!?!! WHAT ARE YOU?!!?! HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT PRAWNS ARE YOU MAD DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOSING OUT ON?!?!?
him: you want to see me with nigger lips can la.. i eat prawns...
me: .... ohh... allergic... why you never say...
him: you didn't ask. i haven't even finish talking.
me: oh ok la. so you allergic to prawns. too bad you're at such a great loss. BUT HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT ASAM PEDAS?!?!
him: ya allah... it's ok right. why the fuss over asam pedas? it's not big deal what...
me: how can you say that? do you know that it was wismangan's asam pedas that made me come back so often? do you know that if it wasn't for the asam pedas i wouldn't go there so often? if it wasn't for asam pedas you wouldn't even know me! see! see how indebted you are to asam pedas?!!?
him: *laughs* ok ok tomorrow i eat asam pedas ok... i sayang- sayang the asam pedas... k... i peluk cium (hug and kiss) asam pedas eh...
:D so i've successfully reduced serendipity to a dish called asam pedas. YEAH!
he is sweet and the world is dandy. he told me to mug tomorrow and stop wasting time. *grumbles*
so study for this entire week. then exams the next. then freedom. :)
i can't wait to spend every moment with you
spent the day with hana. met her for lunch and dinner. LIKE WEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW we are SUCH lesbonbons! :D
had my banditto, WHEE! and got myself a BOX OF BELGIAN CHOCOLATES. so, i rock.
we drank sinalco. when we were looking for what bottled drinks to buy we decided on sinalco cuz we wanted old school.
then we watched autumn in new york cuz hana wanted sappy so SHE GOT IT! sappy right... hahaha. and richard gere is so damn hot. i bet he still will have hot funky sex at 64. damn.
opocot ade orang telepon (oops, phone call). be right back hor. :D
--------------------------------------------------------
BACK! time check 4.23 a.m. got off the phone with the sweetness who got an asthma attack and had a terrible coughing fit.
he sneezed and it was so damn loud i burst out laughing. and i told him his sneeze sounded like an apek shouting. really.
the royal sweetness doesn't eat asam pedas- this malay dish i adore. but he knows how to make muar chee, lopis, sticky rice, wan tan, rendang, ketupat, lontong and godknowswhatelse so ok la. i will make him learn how to make asam pedas though. what kind of malay doesn't eat asam pedas?
me: you don't eat asam pedas? whyyyyyyyyyyyy!
him: i just don't la. it doesn't look appetising.
me: are you NUTS?!?! it's ASAM PEDAS! how can it not look APPETISING! what kind of a malay are you?!?! asam pedas is THE malay lauk la!
him: no la i don't really like fish la...
me: YOU DON'T LIKE FISH!?!?! WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOESN'T LIKE FISH!?!?!
him: me la.
me: HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT FISH??! ARE YOU MAD? THEN WHAT CAN YOU EAT?!?!
him: well i do eat sting- rays, certain garoupas and some others la. not all. prawns also i don't eat.
me: WHAT?!?!! WHAT ARE YOU?!!?! HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT PRAWNS ARE YOU MAD DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOSING OUT ON?!?!?
him: you want to see me with nigger lips can la.. i eat prawns...
me: .... ohh... allergic... why you never say...
him: you didn't ask. i haven't even finish talking.
me: oh ok la. so you allergic to prawns. too bad you're at such a great loss. BUT HOW CAN YOU NOT EAT ASAM PEDAS?!?!
him: ya allah... it's ok right. why the fuss over asam pedas? it's not big deal what...
me: how can you say that? do you know that it was wismangan's asam pedas that made me come back so often? do you know that if it wasn't for the asam pedas i wouldn't go there so often? if it wasn't for asam pedas you wouldn't even know me! see! see how indebted you are to asam pedas?!!?
him: *laughs* ok ok tomorrow i eat asam pedas ok... i sayang- sayang the asam pedas... k... i peluk cium (hug and kiss) asam pedas eh...
:D so i've successfully reduced serendipity to a dish called asam pedas. YEAH!
he is sweet and the world is dandy. he told me to mug tomorrow and stop wasting time. *grumbles*
so study for this entire week. then exams the next. then freedom. :)
i can't wait to spend every moment with you
Monday, April 18, 2005
that lovely night in april
before it all slips my mind and i will only remember the horror of yesterday, i want to write down the sweetness of saturday. pukers, click X now.
we were supposed to meet at 6, at wismangan. at 4.30 p.m. he called me saying he was already there. :) i however, was still changing up back at home. he told me to take my time. i left the house at 5 and at 5.50 i was at bugis already. the train ride from chua chu kang to bugis felt like the longest train ride in my life and TRUST me, i've been on many.
just when i was about to cross over to wismangan, he called. "it's raining, you don't need to cross over la k? i go meet you." told him it's ok, i was almost there.
walked towards the shop... then i saw the back of a guy in a long- sleeved white shirt with blue stripes. i walked up to him and said hi. and he looked at me, smiled, looked at my feet and all the way up then smiled again. haha. i went in to salam cik mimi. she teased me of having a date. haha. then it was off.
train ride to orchard road was just lots of laughter. he said my skirt looked like the curtains in Johore. -_- i told him he looked mat. then we argued about which is more mat, adidas/ puma/ nike. of course he thinks it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as you're a mat you're a mat. but fiza of course has to argue cuz fiza is fiza.
took the underpass (which was packed as usual and at one point i tip- toed so that i was overlooking the mass of heads and said to him, "see. so many people." he laughed and tip- toed and said "ya") and headed straight to lido to get tickets to Guess Who at 9.30 p.m. and all throughout our walk from the station to lido to far east i kept pointing out all the mats wearing nike and just laughed like crazy.
headed then to constant craving but it was too full. so we decided to wait for hana while we're at it. didn't feel like walking around cuz there was so many people. so we sat at the fountain in the middle of far east plaza. just talked. and laughed at all the funny- looking people. and trust me, TOWN, especially FAR EAST, on a saturday, has lots of them. we saw a skater wearing a gray, gory mask with long, fake auburn hair. and a hip- hop dude with dreadlocked goatee and a yellow raincoat. well it LOOKED like a raincoat to us.
i bought myself peach tea and chocolate cuz i was starved. when i came back from the shop he took the bottle and open it for me. at one point the bottle cap dropped and he immediately got up and picked it up and blow it. :)
then it was constant craving. on our way up he took my bag and put it in his HUGE one. haha. dinner was with hana and hafiz. where he listened and laughed along to all our crap, even when we talked about exploding pampers and playing with your shit. and as mentioned, he even fed hafiz fish. which was hilarious. and though it was his first time there, when he saw me and hana walking in and out of constant craving's kitchen to clear the table, the waiter- instinct or something in him just kicked in and soon he was doing it too. and talking up a storm with cik ida and abang yazid while he was at it. PING! score! haha.
then it was off to the movies which hana and hafiz honourably walked us to. *curtseys* thank you! movie was funny. and had it sweet moments. when the girl brought simon (ashton) to her rooftop, i felt a hand stroking my face and gently pushing my head to his shoulders. and i must say due to his commendable height, putting my head on his shoulders was a very comfortable act. haha. and can i just say he smells wonderful. heh heh heh. *gazes at puddles of puke* sorry laaaaaa.
then at another point of the movie, he held my thumb. hahahaha. just the thumb. :)
post- movie, as mentioned, i was decidedly still hungry so we took a looooooong loooooooooong walk down to clarke quay. and so we walked, past wisma atria, takashimaya, cineleisure, specialist centre... and came upon the fields with colourful wooden cows. and i took a picture with a blue one. it's in his camera though. so you'll see it in future la. then it was istana park and i decided that i wanted to climb up the raised wall and walk on it and risk falling into the pool of water it contained cuz hey it's ME lor. so i did that. a balancing act. like the clown that i am. but, BUT, he held my hand all throughout. and while i was doing my balancing act mum called, he picked up, and i heard him say, "ah anak cik sekarang kat istana park. (your daughter is now in istana park)" in that bemused voice which implied, "and she's walking on a thin slab of raised wall." heh heh.
walked past the old history museum and national library. there was some construction going on and it was pretty late at night and i asked him, why they working so late? he said at night they do work no one will see mah. hahaha. bloody idiot.
walked past the old fire station. walked along the pavement across from funan the IT mall. and i decided that i was bored of walking on the pavement and dragged him along and we walked on dewy wet grass. :D i asked him what this open plot of land for? i mean it's just open space with grass. he said it was for people like me who will get bored of walking on pavement. hehehe.
walked till we reached coffee bean where i had my kids' pasta which he thinks is darn funny cuz it came in a bowl that was all sunshiney yellow and had pictures of toys and words like "tom jane sally boy girl sun" along its sides. nyeh.
he held my hand again underneath the table.
after that supper of mine we went across and sat on the bench me and mum always sit on. the one with the perfect view of all the fights at the clubs across. haha. there we sat and chat and lost track of time.
there we talked and talked and talked. and then we shared our quiet moment. there i yawned and he covered my mouth. haha. and he wrapped me up in his jacket. (like a popiah!) and i kept getting bitten by mosquitoes. and he told me next time he dated me he will bring insect repellant and mosquito coil. right.
there he asked me if i liked him. there i said, "i choose not to answer that." hah. there he professed that he had a crush on me since he first noticed me which was 13th february 2005. when i took STUPID PICTURES! hahaha. and when i was falling for his smile he was falling for mine. *looks sadly at increasing amount of puke* i'm sorry la. i did say it was a sweet date what.
there he told me how the ex told him she was cheating on him. there i told him how many of my exes turned out wrong. haha. like some turned out stupid, some immature, some couldn't spell, some turned out gay... the list was endless. haha.
there he told me how he was very close to his late grandma. how he would buy her chocolates and she would keep it under her pillow. how he used to sleep with her (in his own words, "bawah ketiak", i.e. beneath her arms). and she had this pouch with a hole in the middle which she sewed herself and tied around her waist and used it to keep the money his aunties gave her. :) then later he touched my hair and said my hair reminds him of his grandma's. it felt like the nicest thing a boy has said to me.
there we discussed fat issues (dizzie! he was HUGE before! really), racial issues and migration. we both want to migrate (to different countries!) but we both want to have kids in singapore. his was cuz of education. mine was more cuz i want to have mendaki's subsidy. hahaha.
then we walked to the bus- stop, board our bus, fell asleep in the bus, and he walked me to my door. said goodbye and goodnight. and smiled.
then last night he told me he never went home straight. he sat around in my neighbourhood for a bit. cuz he said he didn't feel like leaving the place yet. he felt like he was leaving something precious behind.
then when he finally reached home he called me and we talked for a bit.
then i slept holding his sweater.
then sunday happen.
but no. i refuse to let that reduce saturday's worth and meaning.
it was the nicest date. ever ever. :)
before it all slips my mind and i will only remember the horror of yesterday, i want to write down the sweetness of saturday. pukers, click X now.
we were supposed to meet at 6, at wismangan. at 4.30 p.m. he called me saying he was already there. :) i however, was still changing up back at home. he told me to take my time. i left the house at 5 and at 5.50 i was at bugis already. the train ride from chua chu kang to bugis felt like the longest train ride in my life and TRUST me, i've been on many.
just when i was about to cross over to wismangan, he called. "it's raining, you don't need to cross over la k? i go meet you." told him it's ok, i was almost there.
walked towards the shop... then i saw the back of a guy in a long- sleeved white shirt with blue stripes. i walked up to him and said hi. and he looked at me, smiled, looked at my feet and all the way up then smiled again. haha. i went in to salam cik mimi. she teased me of having a date. haha. then it was off.
train ride to orchard road was just lots of laughter. he said my skirt looked like the curtains in Johore. -_- i told him he looked mat. then we argued about which is more mat, adidas/ puma/ nike. of course he thinks it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as you're a mat you're a mat. but fiza of course has to argue cuz fiza is fiza.
took the underpass (which was packed as usual and at one point i tip- toed so that i was overlooking the mass of heads and said to him, "see. so many people." he laughed and tip- toed and said "ya") and headed straight to lido to get tickets to Guess Who at 9.30 p.m. and all throughout our walk from the station to lido to far east i kept pointing out all the mats wearing nike and just laughed like crazy.
headed then to constant craving but it was too full. so we decided to wait for hana while we're at it. didn't feel like walking around cuz there was so many people. so we sat at the fountain in the middle of far east plaza. just talked. and laughed at all the funny- looking people. and trust me, TOWN, especially FAR EAST, on a saturday, has lots of them. we saw a skater wearing a gray, gory mask with long, fake auburn hair. and a hip- hop dude with dreadlocked goatee and a yellow raincoat. well it LOOKED like a raincoat to us.
i bought myself peach tea and chocolate cuz i was starved. when i came back from the shop he took the bottle and open it for me. at one point the bottle cap dropped and he immediately got up and picked it up and blow it. :)
then it was constant craving. on our way up he took my bag and put it in his HUGE one. haha. dinner was with hana and hafiz. where he listened and laughed along to all our crap, even when we talked about exploding pampers and playing with your shit. and as mentioned, he even fed hafiz fish. which was hilarious. and though it was his first time there, when he saw me and hana walking in and out of constant craving's kitchen to clear the table, the waiter- instinct or something in him just kicked in and soon he was doing it too. and talking up a storm with cik ida and abang yazid while he was at it. PING! score! haha.
then it was off to the movies which hana and hafiz honourably walked us to. *curtseys* thank you! movie was funny. and had it sweet moments. when the girl brought simon (ashton) to her rooftop, i felt a hand stroking my face and gently pushing my head to his shoulders. and i must say due to his commendable height, putting my head on his shoulders was a very comfortable act. haha. and can i just say he smells wonderful. heh heh heh. *gazes at puddles of puke* sorry laaaaaa.
then at another point of the movie, he held my thumb. hahahaha. just the thumb. :)
post- movie, as mentioned, i was decidedly still hungry so we took a looooooong loooooooooong walk down to clarke quay. and so we walked, past wisma atria, takashimaya, cineleisure, specialist centre... and came upon the fields with colourful wooden cows. and i took a picture with a blue one. it's in his camera though. so you'll see it in future la. then it was istana park and i decided that i wanted to climb up the raised wall and walk on it and risk falling into the pool of water it contained cuz hey it's ME lor. so i did that. a balancing act. like the clown that i am. but, BUT, he held my hand all throughout. and while i was doing my balancing act mum called, he picked up, and i heard him say, "ah anak cik sekarang kat istana park. (your daughter is now in istana park)" in that bemused voice which implied, "and she's walking on a thin slab of raised wall." heh heh.
walked past the old history museum and national library. there was some construction going on and it was pretty late at night and i asked him, why they working so late? he said at night they do work no one will see mah. hahaha. bloody idiot.
walked past the old fire station. walked along the pavement across from funan the IT mall. and i decided that i was bored of walking on the pavement and dragged him along and we walked on dewy wet grass. :D i asked him what this open plot of land for? i mean it's just open space with grass. he said it was for people like me who will get bored of walking on pavement. hehehe.
walked till we reached coffee bean where i had my kids' pasta which he thinks is darn funny cuz it came in a bowl that was all sunshiney yellow and had pictures of toys and words like "tom jane sally boy girl sun" along its sides. nyeh.
he held my hand again underneath the table.
after that supper of mine we went across and sat on the bench me and mum always sit on. the one with the perfect view of all the fights at the clubs across. haha. there we sat and chat and lost track of time.
there we talked and talked and talked. and then we shared our quiet moment. there i yawned and he covered my mouth. haha. and he wrapped me up in his jacket. (like a popiah!) and i kept getting bitten by mosquitoes. and he told me next time he dated me he will bring insect repellant and mosquito coil. right.
there he asked me if i liked him. there i said, "i choose not to answer that." hah. there he professed that he had a crush on me since he first noticed me which was 13th february 2005. when i took STUPID PICTURES! hahaha. and when i was falling for his smile he was falling for mine. *looks sadly at increasing amount of puke* i'm sorry la. i did say it was a sweet date what.
there he told me how the ex told him she was cheating on him. there i told him how many of my exes turned out wrong. haha. like some turned out stupid, some immature, some couldn't spell, some turned out gay... the list was endless. haha.
there he told me how he was very close to his late grandma. how he would buy her chocolates and she would keep it under her pillow. how he used to sleep with her (in his own words, "bawah ketiak", i.e. beneath her arms). and she had this pouch with a hole in the middle which she sewed herself and tied around her waist and used it to keep the money his aunties gave her. :) then later he touched my hair and said my hair reminds him of his grandma's. it felt like the nicest thing a boy has said to me.
there we discussed fat issues (dizzie! he was HUGE before! really), racial issues and migration. we both want to migrate (to different countries!) but we both want to have kids in singapore. his was cuz of education. mine was more cuz i want to have mendaki's subsidy. hahaha.
then we walked to the bus- stop, board our bus, fell asleep in the bus, and he walked me to my door. said goodbye and goodnight. and smiled.
then last night he told me he never went home straight. he sat around in my neighbourhood for a bit. cuz he said he didn't feel like leaving the place yet. he felt like he was leaving something precious behind.
then when he finally reached home he called me and we talked for a bit.
then i slept holding his sweater.
then sunday happen.
but no. i refuse to let that reduce saturday's worth and meaning.
it was the nicest date. ever ever. :)
when love says goodbye its a four- letter word
i wish i could say the air is cleared! he is the good guy! we're happy and love conquered all!
but my life is not about happy endings and sugared words. he just messaged me a "sorry". i wish to god he would stop and just tell me what's going on instead.
i wish i can annouce how i am so bouncing back and moving on and UP from this but i'm not.
i am being mopey and depressed and holding on to his jacket. like he died and this is the remnants of him.
i just want to KNOW.
i'll be right back.
----------------------------------------
reset, restart, replay
well. he did call. and we talked.
story is, the girl came to his house, with her parents, early in the morning, while he was out jogging. her parents apologized on behalf of their daughter and hoped that faidzal would take her back. faidzal's parents didn't even know about why they broke up at first. he told them today though. but then since parents have come into play, it's alot more complicated. faidzal is dead sure he doesn't want her back. his parents however, are persuading him to give the girl a second chance.
about the phone call, well, i wasn't alone. all the girls in his phonebook were called cuz she went to his room and took his phone. i got the brunt of it because she read our messages. but yeah. faidzal was left with lots of explaining to do to all his girl friends.
that said, i am not fully trusting him as yet. he knows it too. and he understands.
it felt good to listen to him explaining. i finally stopped feeling like a headless chicken. how honest the story is, is still open to suspicion. but i am somewhat assured that aunty mimi, the aunt who works at wismangan, knows of him, this problem, and me, and though faidzal might possibly have a plethora of reasons to intentionally lie to me, i don't see why such a nice harmless lady would do such. so knowing she has my back helps.
so now it's back to square one. we gotta re- do the story. he has to earn the trust. and i am definitely more wary this time.
it hurts to hear him say, "just when i thought i can finally be happy again, now i really just want to throw myself into work, work, work" and "i can't wait for the 20th. then i'll get my letter of confirmation, whether i am going taiwan in june or not."
i understand how he feels but how i wish. i don't know. never mind. no point hoping.
he said some reassuring words. and tomorrow he will try to explain it to my mum.
i didn't know what to expect when he called. i thought it'd be an explanation, another apology, then a goodbye for real, forever.
but it turned out differently. for some time we were talking about the problem and i told him, "you WERE with her for 5 years. AND this is what your parents want. how hard can it be to just go back to her?" and "she did what she did possibly because she loves you so much? she really wants you back?" when none of these worked in making him even CONSIDER taking her back, i said, "please la. have pity on her. she already cried and apologized." and he said, "SHE cheated on ME and you are taking pity on HER?"
so that was that. end of chit- chat on HER. he didn't want to talk about it anymore cuz he thinks i am on her side. which i am NOT. but oh well.
at least we talked nonsense. and laughed. and everything went back to normal. well quite. almost.
i was referred to as a ''good friend" at one point. :| like i said, square one. we're just friends all over again. sigh.
evening was me out with mum and saw her attempts at making me laugh and smile. but it was just impossible. i didn't feel like it. so i didn't.
she was alternating between how good and nice he is so there must be a reasonable explanation for it all and this WHOLE thing is SO fishy don't YOU suspect something, how come this, how come that, blablabla.
i just felt numbed and wished she would just leave it be cuz reality was, we knew too little then to speculate anything. and her justifying her great trust and faith in the boy by proclaiming how this whole thing must be a mistake of sorts didn't help. nor did the i- didn't- expect- this- to- happen speeches. mum, no one did.
at one point she kept insisting on me smiling and to stop looking so sad and i said, "mum, i don't see why i should smile when i am not happy. and i can't help looking sad when i am sad."
dizzie, when you said, "knowing you, you will probably come out of this unscathe anyhow..." i replied with a :D. but i teared then cuz that's what everyone wants and expects. i am a self- fulfilling prophecy.
it feels like when it comes to boys and love i just keep marching straight- on into the minefields. and then i step on all the wrong plots of land and shit keeps exploding in my face.
but it's ok. nothing terminal. nothing a good old jamban girl can't take. :)
and when mum asked am i ok, will i give up on boys, i told her,
"mum please. i got enough in me to last another 200 heartbreaks."
and all i want to say is, just you wait and SEE if them 200 do happen. cuz in this jamban world of mine, anything and everything is possible.
i am not going to ignore this incident. it has already planted GIGANTIC seeds of doubt in me. but because i can't get enough heartbreaks, ;), i shall proceed with caution and the battered heart.
cuz really, sometimes you go through so much, you just stop feeling the pain.
i wish i could say the air is cleared! he is the good guy! we're happy and love conquered all!
but my life is not about happy endings and sugared words. he just messaged me a "sorry". i wish to god he would stop and just tell me what's going on instead.
i wish i can annouce how i am so bouncing back and moving on and UP from this but i'm not.
i am being mopey and depressed and holding on to his jacket. like he died and this is the remnants of him.
i just want to KNOW.
i'll be right back.
----------------------------------------
reset, restart, replay
well. he did call. and we talked.
story is, the girl came to his house, with her parents, early in the morning, while he was out jogging. her parents apologized on behalf of their daughter and hoped that faidzal would take her back. faidzal's parents didn't even know about why they broke up at first. he told them today though. but then since parents have come into play, it's alot more complicated. faidzal is dead sure he doesn't want her back. his parents however, are persuading him to give the girl a second chance.
about the phone call, well, i wasn't alone. all the girls in his phonebook were called cuz she went to his room and took his phone. i got the brunt of it because she read our messages. but yeah. faidzal was left with lots of explaining to do to all his girl friends.
that said, i am not fully trusting him as yet. he knows it too. and he understands.
it felt good to listen to him explaining. i finally stopped feeling like a headless chicken. how honest the story is, is still open to suspicion. but i am somewhat assured that aunty mimi, the aunt who works at wismangan, knows of him, this problem, and me, and though faidzal might possibly have a plethora of reasons to intentionally lie to me, i don't see why such a nice harmless lady would do such. so knowing she has my back helps.
so now it's back to square one. we gotta re- do the story. he has to earn the trust. and i am definitely more wary this time.
it hurts to hear him say, "just when i thought i can finally be happy again, now i really just want to throw myself into work, work, work" and "i can't wait for the 20th. then i'll get my letter of confirmation, whether i am going taiwan in june or not."
i understand how he feels but how i wish. i don't know. never mind. no point hoping.
he said some reassuring words. and tomorrow he will try to explain it to my mum.
i didn't know what to expect when he called. i thought it'd be an explanation, another apology, then a goodbye for real, forever.
but it turned out differently. for some time we were talking about the problem and i told him, "you WERE with her for 5 years. AND this is what your parents want. how hard can it be to just go back to her?" and "she did what she did possibly because she loves you so much? she really wants you back?" when none of these worked in making him even CONSIDER taking her back, i said, "please la. have pity on her. she already cried and apologized." and he said, "SHE cheated on ME and you are taking pity on HER?"
so that was that. end of chit- chat on HER. he didn't want to talk about it anymore cuz he thinks i am on her side. which i am NOT. but oh well.
at least we talked nonsense. and laughed. and everything went back to normal. well quite. almost.
i was referred to as a ''good friend" at one point. :| like i said, square one. we're just friends all over again. sigh.
evening was me out with mum and saw her attempts at making me laugh and smile. but it was just impossible. i didn't feel like it. so i didn't.
she was alternating between how good and nice he is so there must be a reasonable explanation for it all and this WHOLE thing is SO fishy don't YOU suspect something, how come this, how come that, blablabla.
i just felt numbed and wished she would just leave it be cuz reality was, we knew too little then to speculate anything. and her justifying her great trust and faith in the boy by proclaiming how this whole thing must be a mistake of sorts didn't help. nor did the i- didn't- expect- this- to- happen speeches. mum, no one did.
at one point she kept insisting on me smiling and to stop looking so sad and i said, "mum, i don't see why i should smile when i am not happy. and i can't help looking sad when i am sad."
dizzie, when you said, "knowing you, you will probably come out of this unscathe anyhow..." i replied with a :D. but i teared then cuz that's what everyone wants and expects. i am a self- fulfilling prophecy.
it feels like when it comes to boys and love i just keep marching straight- on into the minefields. and then i step on all the wrong plots of land and shit keeps exploding in my face.
but it's ok. nothing terminal. nothing a good old jamban girl can't take. :)
and when mum asked am i ok, will i give up on boys, i told her,
"mum please. i got enough in me to last another 200 heartbreaks."
and all i want to say is, just you wait and SEE if them 200 do happen. cuz in this jamban world of mine, anything and everything is possible.
i am not going to ignore this incident. it has already planted GIGANTIC seeds of doubt in me. but because i can't get enough heartbreaks, ;), i shall proceed with caution and the battered heart.
cuz really, sometimes you go through so much, you just stop feeling the pain.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
hey hey hey, beautiful sunday
sigh.
i am so sorry to disappoint all of you.
just when you thought it'll be a thriumphant girl- meets- boy, boy- meets- girl, boy- likes- girl etc etc story... i have to burst your bubble.
no no royal sweetness is not a sickly- elongated april fool joke. (though now i wish it was.)
he is real. as real as it gets.
but hor. at 12 noon, a girl called me and started interrogating about going out with faidzal. "where you go? what you do? just the 2 of you? did he send you home? do you like him? does he like you?" and then later she said,
"do you know faidzal has a girlfriend?"
altogether now: HA HA HA. MY LIFE IS A FUCKING JOKE.
i of course, said no, and she BURST OUT CRYING (ON MY PHONE! AT 12! WTF!) and started rambling about how she is faidzal's girlfriend, how i as a girl should understand her feelings, how disappointed she is, how she suspected all along that faidzal liked me, blablabla. and i'm like, HEAH. woman. i just woke up.
and i apologized on my part, though i pointed out to her that i really honestly didn't know he was attached.
then the surreal phonecall ended. i now await for the explanation from the boy.
"faidzal, a girl called me asking me about going out with you yesterday and told me she's your girlfriend. if this is true please don't do this to her. it's not nice. besides, i don't want someone's boyfriend."
he has yet to reply and my suspicion is growing at an alarming rate. i am giving him the benefit of the doubt but then again, the cruellest of them all is always the smoothest.
OH and of course, they have to come into MY life. :D my my what a wonderful sunday.
so ok lor. if he is attached then so be it. and if he isn't then he still has some explaining to do.
funny hor? i think so lei. like today i woke up all happy and smelling of him and then WHOOOOOOSH. girl calls.
God has a sense of humour. ;) this was a good one.
--------------------------------------UPDATED-------------------------------------------
and so the drama continues to unfold...
it was the ex. the 5- year- old girlfriend who cheated on him. came to his house with her parents to apologize to him and his parents, wanting to get back together and presumably proceed with the engagement and blablabla.
i did not ask how she got my number or come to know of me. i did not even bother questioning the truth in his story.
his parents is pressurising him into deciding. and the girl wants him back.
he apologized for putting me in the spot. i told him i am sorry too for coming into the picture and complicating things.
adviced him not to run away. just make a decision and stick with it. told him that everyone deserves a second chance, and God willing this time round their relationship might lead to greater things. wished him all the best with her.
he replied that he hadn't decide yet. and thanked me for everything.
i told him i didn't give him anything. he should just do what's best for him.
which i honestly honestly do feel. relationships aren't build on love alone. alot of effort, trust and communication is required and alot of that must have been invested in their 5- year- relationship.
and so it is.
my split second of happiness. :)
at least there was that.
sigh.
i am so sorry to disappoint all of you.
just when you thought it'll be a thriumphant girl- meets- boy, boy- meets- girl, boy- likes- girl etc etc story... i have to burst your bubble.
no no royal sweetness is not a sickly- elongated april fool joke. (though now i wish it was.)
he is real. as real as it gets.
but hor. at 12 noon, a girl called me and started interrogating about going out with faidzal. "where you go? what you do? just the 2 of you? did he send you home? do you like him? does he like you?" and then later she said,
"do you know faidzal has a girlfriend?"
altogether now: HA HA HA. MY LIFE IS A FUCKING JOKE.
i of course, said no, and she BURST OUT CRYING (ON MY PHONE! AT 12! WTF!) and started rambling about how she is faidzal's girlfriend, how i as a girl should understand her feelings, how disappointed she is, how she suspected all along that faidzal liked me, blablabla. and i'm like, HEAH. woman. i just woke up.
and i apologized on my part, though i pointed out to her that i really honestly didn't know he was attached.
then the surreal phonecall ended. i now await for the explanation from the boy.
"faidzal, a girl called me asking me about going out with you yesterday and told me she's your girlfriend. if this is true please don't do this to her. it's not nice. besides, i don't want someone's boyfriend."
he has yet to reply and my suspicion is growing at an alarming rate. i am giving him the benefit of the doubt but then again, the cruellest of them all is always the smoothest.
OH and of course, they have to come into MY life. :D my my what a wonderful sunday.
so ok lor. if he is attached then so be it. and if he isn't then he still has some explaining to do.
funny hor? i think so lei. like today i woke up all happy and smelling of him and then WHOOOOOOSH. girl calls.
God has a sense of humour. ;) this was a good one.
--------------------------------------UPDATED-------------------------------------------
and so the drama continues to unfold...
it was the ex. the 5- year- old girlfriend who cheated on him. came to his house with her parents to apologize to him and his parents, wanting to get back together and presumably proceed with the engagement and blablabla.
i did not ask how she got my number or come to know of me. i did not even bother questioning the truth in his story.
his parents is pressurising him into deciding. and the girl wants him back.
he apologized for putting me in the spot. i told him i am sorry too for coming into the picture and complicating things.
adviced him not to run away. just make a decision and stick with it. told him that everyone deserves a second chance, and God willing this time round their relationship might lead to greater things. wished him all the best with her.
he replied that he hadn't decide yet. and thanked me for everything.
i told him i didn't give him anything. he should just do what's best for him.
which i honestly honestly do feel. relationships aren't build on love alone. alot of effort, trust and communication is required and alot of that must have been invested in their 5- year- relationship.
and so it is.
my split second of happiness. :)
at least there was that.
jogetlah kamu sebelum kamu dijogetkan
that literally means, dance, before you are danced for. it DOES NOT make sense. and for once, this rubbish line came from someone else. not me. :D
i didn't intentionally leave you guys in suspense for the past few hours. i just got back. *grins*
today. yesterday. right. yes. so. constant craving closed. me, hana, hafiz and faidzal had the honour of being the last customers there and the last to walk out. sob. i will miss it. so so much.
faidzal and hafiz hit it off well. faidzal even FED hafiz fish. MY fish. i want to die. haha.
lotsa stupid stories exchanged. faidzal took it pretty well, despite its gory content. (hello, SHIT TALK on FIRST DATE?!?!)
he paid for our meals. as in all 4 of us. geez.
movie was fun, light- hearted stuff. ashton CAN act. woooow. haha. anyways as many said, standard first date movie.
post- movie i decided that i was still hungry and we walked in search of food... and walked on till clarke quay. haha. where we landed in coffee bean for some pasta (me) and brownie (him).
then we sat across, near the parliament house, and talked. till it was almost 3 a.m. mum had a cow and so did i. i really didn't realize the time.
oh sorry- no pictures of me and sweetness cuz 1- my batteries died and 2- i forgot.
he has a pic of us though. i'll try to get it from him. and at one point he took a pic of his SHOE the way i always do and i just laughed to myself. we're so alike and so different.
so far i've only given the mundane details. of the date. well.
when i looked up at the sky there were only 2 stars in sight. he said the two was for us. and i said what if more appear later? he said we keep those in our pockets. haha.
in our comfortable silence, he touched my hair and asked is this love at first sight? i said i wouldn't know this is not our first sight what. and he said, oh then what is this? construction site? what the... -_- haha.
i don't know what to say. words can't describe the magic of last night. it was something unique, different, special, timeless. treasured. i know for sure i like him. but what is that? what is it worth? is it enough?
am i being biased/ impulsive? should i hold back? isn't this all too fast? i don't know. so many thoughts. i'll give it some time. i have alot to think about. especially about this...
at 3.24 a.m. he took my hand, kissed it, and asked,
"would you be my partner?"
that literally means, dance, before you are danced for. it DOES NOT make sense. and for once, this rubbish line came from someone else. not me. :D
i didn't intentionally leave you guys in suspense for the past few hours. i just got back. *grins*
today. yesterday. right. yes. so. constant craving closed. me, hana, hafiz and faidzal had the honour of being the last customers there and the last to walk out. sob. i will miss it. so so much.
faidzal and hafiz hit it off well. faidzal even FED hafiz fish. MY fish. i want to die. haha.
lotsa stupid stories exchanged. faidzal took it pretty well, despite its gory content. (hello, SHIT TALK on FIRST DATE?!?!)
he paid for our meals. as in all 4 of us. geez.
movie was fun, light- hearted stuff. ashton CAN act. woooow. haha. anyways as many said, standard first date movie.
post- movie i decided that i was still hungry and we walked in search of food... and walked on till clarke quay. haha. where we landed in coffee bean for some pasta (me) and brownie (him).
then we sat across, near the parliament house, and talked. till it was almost 3 a.m. mum had a cow and so did i. i really didn't realize the time.
oh sorry- no pictures of me and sweetness cuz 1- my batteries died and 2- i forgot.
he has a pic of us though. i'll try to get it from him. and at one point he took a pic of his SHOE the way i always do and i just laughed to myself. we're so alike and so different.
so far i've only given the mundane details. of the date. well.
when i looked up at the sky there were only 2 stars in sight. he said the two was for us. and i said what if more appear later? he said we keep those in our pockets. haha.
in our comfortable silence, he touched my hair and asked is this love at first sight? i said i wouldn't know this is not our first sight what. and he said, oh then what is this? construction site? what the... -_- haha.
i don't know what to say. words can't describe the magic of last night. it was something unique, different, special, timeless. treasured. i know for sure i like him. but what is that? what is it worth? is it enough?
am i being biased/ impulsive? should i hold back? isn't this all too fast? i don't know. so many thoughts. i'll give it some time. i have alot to think about. especially about this...
at 3.24 a.m. he took my hand, kissed it, and asked,
"would you be my partner?"
Saturday, April 16, 2005
i wonder how faidzal would feel if he knew this was the first picture i ever took at wismangan.
i was trying to imitate kassim selamat, a classic character in malay filmography- he blinded himself by poking his eyes with forks.
the only reason i did that was because there was two forks available. later on i proceeded with this.
balance- spoon- on- nose, a talent i remain proud of till today.
then this.
oh but wait. courtesy of my mum whom, as i always say, i love dearly with all my heart and soul and with every fart that i pass; he has seen this and he now knows i take pictures in toilets. WTF can.
so 1st two pictures taken at the place where i first met him is not entirely romantic and not so PHWOAR!, like, wah LAO how could we possibly MISS the signs man we were like how MEANT TO BE! cuz he will say, uh you too busy poking your eyes/ balancing spoons on your nose/ taking pictures in the toilet. ngiow.
my life damn sad. i want to die. hahaha. eh no la don't want. got date at 6. bwahaha. (i'm sorry i can't shut up. i am truly sorry. if it's any consolation/ explanation, i am wearing baggy nazi boy- boxers over snug girl- boxers again. this is a lesson to all out there- do NOT wear two boxers at the same time.)
as you can see. i plan to sleep at 6 so then i can tell myself, "ah, 12 hours to meeting. 8 hours sleep. 2 hours slack. 1 hour get ready. 1 hour journey."
don't worry it's not just him. every first date or first day out as a couple blablabla, i will do this one. get all sleepless and do stupid random things. like surfing porn. HAH. no.
The sun is shining everyday
The clouds never get in the way for you and me
I've known you just a week or two (i knew his name 2 weeks ago on a fantastic wednesday)
But baby I'm so into you I can hardly breath (i can, he can't. at night he gets asthma and sometimes he coughs and wheezes.)
And I'm in
so totally wrapped up
Emotionally attracted
So physically acting
So recklessly I need you
So desperately sure as the sky is blue
Baby I love you (this is bluff la hor)
these words were so apt mah. so had to post it up here lor. cuz EH!!! ya HOR! a week or two ONLY lei! and i am so in lor! so TOTALLY wrapped up! wrapped like a bloody popiah one!
aaw.
ptui.
i was trying to imitate kassim selamat, a classic character in malay filmography- he blinded himself by poking his eyes with forks.
the only reason i did that was because there was two forks available. later on i proceeded with this.
balance- spoon- on- nose, a talent i remain proud of till today.
then this.
oh but wait. courtesy of my mum whom, as i always say, i love dearly with all my heart and soul and with every fart that i pass; he has seen this and he now knows i take pictures in toilets. WTF can.
so 1st two pictures taken at the place where i first met him is not entirely romantic and not so PHWOAR!, like, wah LAO how could we possibly MISS the signs man we were like how MEANT TO BE! cuz he will say, uh you too busy poking your eyes/ balancing spoons on your nose/ taking pictures in the toilet. ngiow.
my life damn sad. i want to die. hahaha. eh no la don't want. got date at 6. bwahaha. (i'm sorry i can't shut up. i am truly sorry. if it's any consolation/ explanation, i am wearing baggy nazi boy- boxers over snug girl- boxers again. this is a lesson to all out there- do NOT wear two boxers at the same time.)
as you can see. i plan to sleep at 6 so then i can tell myself, "ah, 12 hours to meeting. 8 hours sleep. 2 hours slack. 1 hour get ready. 1 hour journey."
don't worry it's not just him. every first date or first day out as a couple blablabla, i will do this one. get all sleepless and do stupid random things. like surfing porn. HAH. no.
The sun is shining everyday
The clouds never get in the way for you and me
I've known you just a week or two (i knew his name 2 weeks ago on a fantastic wednesday)
But baby I'm so into you I can hardly breath (i can, he can't. at night he gets asthma and sometimes he coughs and wheezes.)
And I'm in
so totally wrapped up
Emotionally attracted
So physically acting
So recklessly I need you
So desperately sure as the sky is blue
Baby I love you (this is bluff la hor)
these words were so apt mah. so had to post it up here lor. cuz EH!!! ya HOR! a week or two ONLY lei! and i am so in lor! so TOTALLY wrapped up! wrapped like a bloody popiah one!
aaw.
ptui.
uh, i got something nice to tell you but then i scared if i tell you wait you get big- headed and all so i will keep this something nice and tell you next week
faidzal thought that was very funny lei.
today was town with the belo one.
i was late and hence we couldn't catch a movie. SORRY!
we went marche. and OH my LORD how i LOVE food. got my rosti + bread and butter pudding. beloness got his pasta and pan- fried dory.
then we went shopping cuz fiza being fiza, my date tomorrow gave me good excuse to SHOP!
so we trudged around wisma (topshop, fox, forever 21, esprit) and FINALLY fiza was happy to find, HAH, a GREEN skirt and a matching GREEN top. tomorrow is green day again. haha. then sunday is blink 182. ok lame.
at one point i told mr. unromantic about my friend's idea of ''romance''. throw stones at the window and alert the girl then take her out for coffee and stargazing.
belo: what the fuuuuuck?!?!? like seriously WHAT THE FUCK ah. that's all i can say.
me: helloooo. ok what. it's not like they actually did it but it's the thought. i'm talking about romantic thoughts.
belo: ya right whatever. all i can say is WHAT THE FUCK. throw throw stones hit the father head how? then go romance the father.
bah.
more hints on unromanticness.
me: *hits belo's cap*
belo: tsk. i should have taken the bus.
me: ya, and you should have left me 5 years ago!
belo: .... what the heck. 5 years ago i didn't even know who the hell you are la. 5 years ago we were... we were... uhh. we were nonsense.
THANKS HOR.
fiza's (well- meaning) blur- cockness that will be the death of her.
belo: (post- shopping for my date outfit) ok this is a very warped experience.
me: ah? why?
belo: i am helping you prepare for your date la!
me: aiya ok what. you my frieeeeeeeeend.
belo: ah ya. and what was i before that?
me: (in i am so smart and helpful voice) umm, boyfriend? *big wide smile*
belo: ya exactly. not warped ah.
me: no lei. eh dunno lei. never been there la.
gone.
then met mum for dinner and we dropped by my room to pack up so that i can go home. she read my blog. and said, "wahhhh my daughter is so mushy!" sheesh.
and OF COURSE while she was in my room and we were laughing over something, the royal sweetness called. and i made mum talk to him. haha.
anyhoos i got home and the royal one called again. talked. and talked. and i TOLD him. i TOLD him the nice thing that i didn't want to tell him till next week but i decided to anyway cuz he is so nice.
"umm. when it's 12 plus, when i know you're about to call, i will look at my phone expectantly and when it rings and it's you i feel happy."
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei. sick sia. how the hell did i manage to say that?!?!??! damn gross la. but never mind. it's over and done anyway.
today the mum and the dad had a great time talking to faidzal through me. it was like a conference call. haha. "faidzal you know blablabla" "faidzal when you want to blablabla" "faidzal blablabla". you get the idea.
he's got class till 5 tomorrow. so we have to catch a late movie. and he was so unsure if that's ok. "can or not? you sure? eh not nice la bring you home so late" blablabla. so, i passed phone to mum.
:) and the royal sweetums asked my mum's permission!!!!!!!!! to date me!!!!!!!!! what the shit!!!!!!! and he asked if he can bring me home slightly late cuz he got class till 5!!!!!! what the shit!!!!!!!!
sorry. i just feel damn 60s now. since when guys ask the girl's parents permission to date one? but it is so sweet. hahahaha. i am giving all of you diabetes.
oh ya. help me here. at one point he said, "overall i give you a 9/ 10. i am not talking about looks." and he didn't want to explain. what did he mean ah? 9/ 10 for WHAT seh. nyeh.
tomorrow his uncle needs the car cuz it's the wife's birthday. so faidzal say he is taking me out on the longest transport available; the train. hahaha. idiot.
he's not getting a nissan sunny liao. he's getting a hyundai matrix. kereta pakcik (uncle's car). but he says it's spacious and i agree. and he has a TV and VCD player in the goddamn car. hahaha. rubbish. so new car comes monday. :)
oh yes. dress issue was addressed (dress address. hahaha. i am so bloody funny lor). told him i would walk off the date if he appears in any of the mentioned; trucker cap, tapered pants, fake LV/ YSL/ whatever high couture shirts, mat sandals, big flowery shirts, white socks and berms.
i am happy to report that this angelic human wears long- sleeve shirts and jeans. but OOPS! nike shoes. BUT hey. he collects them. those air force 1 and air jordan and whatever shit. khalid + diz, your help needed here. WHAT IN THE BLUE HEAVENS IS HE GOING ON ABOUT?! anyway he only wears limited editions so no one else will have his shoe so fine by me. and though he doesn't have a particular affinity to adidas/ puma, he will not mind someone wearing it, especially if that someone is so short and so small and so sweet. quote unqoute. har dee har har. everyday make fun of my height and size one.
he is coming with me to C.C tomorrow. anyone want to see, be at C.C at 7- ish la. i will be there with royal sweetness in tow. :D
i am so looking forward to 6 p.m. what AM i to do till THEN? hah. study lor. nyeh.
lalalalala. 6 p.m. lalala. 6. lalalalalala.sixxxxxxxxxxxxx. sixxxxxxxxx. nyehehe.
sick.
hopefully tomorrow i return with good news and nice pics.
ok la not so hopeful la. well at least, return with nice pics. :D
wish me luck. abagabajooba.
the cynic and the unromantic, previously a great combo. :)
target detected...
attack!
now you see it...
now you don't.
faidzal thought that was very funny lei.
today was town with the belo one.
i was late and hence we couldn't catch a movie. SORRY!
we went marche. and OH my LORD how i LOVE food. got my rosti + bread and butter pudding. beloness got his pasta and pan- fried dory.
then we went shopping cuz fiza being fiza, my date tomorrow gave me good excuse to SHOP!
so we trudged around wisma (topshop, fox, forever 21, esprit) and FINALLY fiza was happy to find, HAH, a GREEN skirt and a matching GREEN top. tomorrow is green day again. haha. then sunday is blink 182. ok lame.
at one point i told mr. unromantic about my friend's idea of ''romance''. throw stones at the window and alert the girl then take her out for coffee and stargazing.
belo: what the fuuuuuck?!?!? like seriously WHAT THE FUCK ah. that's all i can say.
me: helloooo. ok what. it's not like they actually did it but it's the thought. i'm talking about romantic thoughts.
belo: ya right whatever. all i can say is WHAT THE FUCK. throw throw stones hit the father head how? then go romance the father.
bah.
more hints on unromanticness.
me: *hits belo's cap*
belo: tsk. i should have taken the bus.
me: ya, and you should have left me 5 years ago!
belo: .... what the heck. 5 years ago i didn't even know who the hell you are la. 5 years ago we were... we were... uhh. we were nonsense.
THANKS HOR.
fiza's (well- meaning) blur- cockness that will be the death of her.
belo: (post- shopping for my date outfit) ok this is a very warped experience.
me: ah? why?
belo: i am helping you prepare for your date la!
me: aiya ok what. you my frieeeeeeeeend.
belo: ah ya. and what was i before that?
me: (in i am so smart and helpful voice) umm, boyfriend? *big wide smile*
belo: ya exactly. not warped ah.
me: no lei. eh dunno lei. never been there la.
gone.
then met mum for dinner and we dropped by my room to pack up so that i can go home. she read my blog. and said, "wahhhh my daughter is so mushy!" sheesh.
and OF COURSE while she was in my room and we were laughing over something, the royal sweetness called. and i made mum talk to him. haha.
anyhoos i got home and the royal one called again. talked. and talked. and i TOLD him. i TOLD him the nice thing that i didn't want to tell him till next week but i decided to anyway cuz he is so nice.
"umm. when it's 12 plus, when i know you're about to call, i will look at my phone expectantly and when it rings and it's you i feel happy."
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei. sick sia. how the hell did i manage to say that?!?!??! damn gross la. but never mind. it's over and done anyway.
today the mum and the dad had a great time talking to faidzal through me. it was like a conference call. haha. "faidzal you know blablabla" "faidzal when you want to blablabla" "faidzal blablabla". you get the idea.
he's got class till 5 tomorrow. so we have to catch a late movie. and he was so unsure if that's ok. "can or not? you sure? eh not nice la bring you home so late" blablabla. so, i passed phone to mum.
:) and the royal sweetums asked my mum's permission!!!!!!!!! to date me!!!!!!!!! what the shit!!!!!!! and he asked if he can bring me home slightly late cuz he got class till 5!!!!!! what the shit!!!!!!!!
sorry. i just feel damn 60s now. since when guys ask the girl's parents permission to date one? but it is so sweet. hahahaha. i am giving all of you diabetes.
oh ya. help me here. at one point he said, "overall i give you a 9/ 10. i am not talking about looks." and he didn't want to explain. what did he mean ah? 9/ 10 for WHAT seh. nyeh.
tomorrow his uncle needs the car cuz it's the wife's birthday. so faidzal say he is taking me out on the longest transport available; the train. hahaha. idiot.
he's not getting a nissan sunny liao. he's getting a hyundai matrix. kereta pakcik (uncle's car). but he says it's spacious and i agree. and he has a TV and VCD player in the goddamn car. hahaha. rubbish. so new car comes monday. :)
oh yes. dress issue was addressed (dress address. hahaha. i am so bloody funny lor). told him i would walk off the date if he appears in any of the mentioned; trucker cap, tapered pants, fake LV/ YSL/ whatever high couture shirts, mat sandals, big flowery shirts, white socks and berms.
i am happy to report that this angelic human wears long- sleeve shirts and jeans. but OOPS! nike shoes. BUT hey. he collects them. those air force 1 and air jordan and whatever shit. khalid + diz, your help needed here. WHAT IN THE BLUE HEAVENS IS HE GOING ON ABOUT?! anyway he only wears limited editions so no one else will have his shoe so fine by me. and though he doesn't have a particular affinity to adidas/ puma, he will not mind someone wearing it, especially if that someone is so short and so small and so sweet. quote unqoute. har dee har har. everyday make fun of my height and size one.
he is coming with me to C.C tomorrow. anyone want to see, be at C.C at 7- ish la. i will be there with royal sweetness in tow. :D
i am so looking forward to 6 p.m. what AM i to do till THEN? hah. study lor. nyeh.
lalalalala. 6 p.m. lalala. 6. lalalalalala.sixxxxxxxxxxxxx. sixxxxxxxxx. nyehehe.
sick.
hopefully tomorrow i return with good news and nice pics.
ok la not so hopeful la. well at least, return with nice pics. :D
wish me luck. abagabajooba.
the cynic and the unromantic, previously a great combo. :)
target detected...
attack!
now you see it...
now you don't.
Friday, April 15, 2005
i can't run away from you, even if i want to
i feel so blessed. blessed. thank you god.
today was geog lecture. boring. glad i skipped it the whole semester. hahaha. anyway me and diz got back our geog project that we did while we were not on speaking terms. we got B+. :D and an A for the soci of deviance project. :D:D
so today was a happy day based on the that 2 grades alone.
met mum at the new house to discuss cabinet works. then dinner at lot 1, let's eat.
updated her on the latest. she is beyoooooooond happy about the way things are between me and faidzal. so is the dad. haha. weirdness. them two liked him wayyyyyyy before i did.
now i sip hot mushroom soup and glug down ice cold coke. :)
he just went to make himself pizza. before sleeping. last night he made himself tom yam. at 2 a.m. haha. i may have found my late night makan partner.
i may have found a gold mine. :)
i've officially known him for 2 weeks. we've been on the phone for 5 nights in a row. we come from very different backgrounds but we share the same thoughts and dreams.
i even feel tentative about meeting the belo one tomorrow. heh. i don't want faid to think we're trying to rekindle something.
but i will anyway cuz the beloness is a dear friend and i love him. besides, faid would understand. he did. he will still call tomorrow night.
my days starts at 12 midnight. when the phone rings and faidzal flashes across the screen. when i press the answer button and the voice breaks through my silent thoughts and says, "helluuuuu..." :)
i will never know where this is headed. maybe it will just be as this. late night phone calls. but he is so special. last night i had the horrible nightmare, that he got into a car accident and he either died or was in critical condition. and it felt horrible. terrible. i woke up drenched in sweat and i was teary- eyed, as though i was crying in the dream and in reality.
i don't want to lose him.
it has crossed the line, whereby he is no longer just another acquaintance. he is not just another random boy in my phonebook.
we have our first date come saturday. i can't even begin to articulate how excited i am. nervous. happy. elated. afloat. hope. floats.
i miss his face. i haven't seen it since saturday. i realized that all those weeks spent constantly wheedling everyone to go wismangan with me... was so as to be able to see him. even before i knew him i was addicted to that smile.
i hope all goes well come saturday. yes, hope. i am hoping again. after years of obstinately fighting it away. with him i am not afraid to hope cuz i know he won't hurt me. not if he can help it.
he has his flaws. more apparent than any other guy i've ever felt the slightest bit of interest in. but he. he makes up for it with so much else that it's hard to strike him out of the picture just because.
i don't know what i'm saying. or what i'm trying to say.
Loving you is a like a song I replay
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day
And every chorus was written for us to recite
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night
It's potion like this ocean that might carry me
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me
And every word, every second, and every third
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard
And when I play them, every chord is a poem
Telling the Lord how grateful I am cause I know him
The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes
Stand in love, take my hand in love, God bless
i am not in love. definitely not. but. i don't know la. i need someone to explain to me what i'm feeling.
he feels. it's more than just; he makes me smile, he makes my heart sings, he gives me flutters in my tummy, he makes me laugh so hard everyday, we think alike, we like the same things, we agree to disagree, we are sincere and open about what we feel and think and do. it's more. so much much more.
and i don't know how to explain it. i don't know how to say it is more. it just is.
faidzal makes me feel twenty thousand different emotions i never knew exist and i have not the names for it.
faidzal. :) saying your name is like whispering to the winds. thinking of you makes me close my eyes and take a deep breathe and smile to myself.
like the soft gentle breeze that brushes your hair across your face when you look up to the night sky to gaze at stars.
that's him.
how now blue cow.
i feel so blessed. blessed. thank you god.
today was geog lecture. boring. glad i skipped it the whole semester. hahaha. anyway me and diz got back our geog project that we did while we were not on speaking terms. we got B+. :D and an A for the soci of deviance project. :D:D
so today was a happy day based on the that 2 grades alone.
met mum at the new house to discuss cabinet works. then dinner at lot 1, let's eat.
updated her on the latest. she is beyoooooooond happy about the way things are between me and faidzal. so is the dad. haha. weirdness. them two liked him wayyyyyyy before i did.
now i sip hot mushroom soup and glug down ice cold coke. :)
he just went to make himself pizza. before sleeping. last night he made himself tom yam. at 2 a.m. haha. i may have found my late night makan partner.
i may have found a gold mine. :)
i've officially known him for 2 weeks. we've been on the phone for 5 nights in a row. we come from very different backgrounds but we share the same thoughts and dreams.
i even feel tentative about meeting the belo one tomorrow. heh. i don't want faid to think we're trying to rekindle something.
but i will anyway cuz the beloness is a dear friend and i love him. besides, faid would understand. he did. he will still call tomorrow night.
my days starts at 12 midnight. when the phone rings and faidzal flashes across the screen. when i press the answer button and the voice breaks through my silent thoughts and says, "helluuuuu..." :)
i will never know where this is headed. maybe it will just be as this. late night phone calls. but he is so special. last night i had the horrible nightmare, that he got into a car accident and he either died or was in critical condition. and it felt horrible. terrible. i woke up drenched in sweat and i was teary- eyed, as though i was crying in the dream and in reality.
i don't want to lose him.
it has crossed the line, whereby he is no longer just another acquaintance. he is not just another random boy in my phonebook.
we have our first date come saturday. i can't even begin to articulate how excited i am. nervous. happy. elated. afloat. hope. floats.
i miss his face. i haven't seen it since saturday. i realized that all those weeks spent constantly wheedling everyone to go wismangan with me... was so as to be able to see him. even before i knew him i was addicted to that smile.
i hope all goes well come saturday. yes, hope. i am hoping again. after years of obstinately fighting it away. with him i am not afraid to hope cuz i know he won't hurt me. not if he can help it.
he has his flaws. more apparent than any other guy i've ever felt the slightest bit of interest in. but he. he makes up for it with so much else that it's hard to strike him out of the picture just because.
i don't know what i'm saying. or what i'm trying to say.
Loving you is a like a song I replay
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day
And every chorus was written for us to recite
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night
It's potion like this ocean that might carry me
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me
And every word, every second, and every third
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard
And when I play them, every chord is a poem
Telling the Lord how grateful I am cause I know him
The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes
Stand in love, take my hand in love, God bless
i am not in love. definitely not. but. i don't know la. i need someone to explain to me what i'm feeling.
he feels. it's more than just; he makes me smile, he makes my heart sings, he gives me flutters in my tummy, he makes me laugh so hard everyday, we think alike, we like the same things, we agree to disagree, we are sincere and open about what we feel and think and do. it's more. so much much more.
and i don't know how to explain it. i don't know how to say it is more. it just is.
faidzal makes me feel twenty thousand different emotions i never knew exist and i have not the names for it.
faidzal. :) saying your name is like whispering to the winds. thinking of you makes me close my eyes and take a deep breathe and smile to myself.
like the soft gentle breeze that brushes your hair across your face when you look up to the night sky to gaze at stars.
that's him.
how now blue cow.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
try once more, like you did before
listening to ABBA. love love love them. i remember when i was small mum and her best friend would watch videotapes (old school!) oh them. and i watched along. at 12, my favourite songs were winner takes it all, fernando and my way by sinatra. fierce.
when i came to NUS, i was single. along with 4 other girls. not all NUS- ians la. we were not a tight bunch but we were proud of our singlehood. but as mentioned, we are not very tight. and recently i found out that out of the 5 of us, only 1 remains single. yours truly.
it hasn't been an entirely boy- less 10 months. there's been the ocassional more- than- 3- dates, as well as close shaves. but in all of honesty, none of the boys i dated in the past months made me WANT to be in a relationship. none of them had the WOW! that made me think, ah, this could be it. or, oh dear lord i HAVE to make him MINE or i cannot live another day. in this sense, i agree with harry from when harry met sally. when he said, I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.
but no la, none of them were the sort i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. just the same, i was never bitter about the whole concept of relationships. many around me are happily attached. and i admire their strength and resilience and loyalty and OF COURSE, love. i see hope for love in hana/ farhan, maya/ husni, hadi/ nabila, bona/ fangxi, gail/ joseph, diana/ fadly. happy lovely couples, y'all. cheers.
but for a long time i WAS questioning love. as in the love one shares with a partner. i understand and believe in the love i have for Him, for mum, for ayah, for the lovely friends i am surrounded with... but love for this one boy? how is that possible? how is the eternity of love even possible? aren't humans essentially imperfect? how then do you remain monogamous when there is always always someone nicer/ sweeter/ prettier/ hotter/ cuter/ taller/ shorter/ fatter/ whatever-er than your current love?
some say it's about being grateful for what you already have. some even say what makes you think that better other might love or even like you as much as your current? maybe it's just me then. always on the quest for the best. i want the best for myself. it's not a selfish crave, it's an ambition, a goal. to have only the best. but best is fleeting. the benchmark for best is constantly changing and relative to time and surroundings.
so at one point or another, i decided to go down to basics. the fundamentals of 'best'. the CRUCIALS. the MUST- HAVES, not the bonuses. so teeth and height and whatnots are that- bonuses. then after awhile i realize that is so contrived. i am walking around with a frame and trying to fit in any art pieces that could possibly fit.
so i decided to ditch the frame. and now i just walk. and maybe there will be a painting that shouts out to me. a painting that catches my eye, not fits my frame.
the past relationships i've been through have been with boys who fit the frame. like every other eejit, i had a checklist. god bless me then, that i have LOST that wretched list. not to say it didn't do me some good. it got me what i want. sort of. but sometimes a girl can deny even HERSELF of what she really wants. besides, a guy can never have it all. as many have pointed out, no one's perfect, especially not me.
i have rambled for quite a bit and i never really knew what the point i was trying to make. haha. but what's new folks.
i guess i just think. that. i am okay with this love business now. the relationship thingy- o. urgh i hate saying it. haha. i guess slowly... i am opening up again to the possibilities of ever after. and if it ends again i will not throw myself down the deep dark dungeons of lesbianism/ feminism/ soloism. and i know that not all men are scum. yesyes. some of them are, the scums, the scummiest of scums, but never all of them. same goes for girls i guess. i guess i am finally seeing how men/ women/ boys/ girls are really more alike then we think.
and maybe all those nights spent walking back alone back to my room accompanied by a (melodious) cricket chorus is getting to me. nothing speaks of loneliness more than that. and at times like that no matter how you convince yourself that you're fine alone, you know you're fineR if you were talking to someone or walking with someone. and not any someone. *someone*. and maybe puking at 5 a.m. added to this.
that said, i am not on the hunt. all this means is that if love or whatever you call it comes along now, i will not push it away. i am no longer emotionally- barren. i think, maybe la, just maybe, i can love again.
no promises hor. so don't hold your breathe. CUZ YOUR BREATHE STINK AND YOU MIGHT KILL YOURSELF. huahahaha i am SO funny.
anyway. here's some ABBA for you.
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
love kills, no more. :)
listening to ABBA. love love love them. i remember when i was small mum and her best friend would watch videotapes (old school!) oh them. and i watched along. at 12, my favourite songs were winner takes it all, fernando and my way by sinatra. fierce.
when i came to NUS, i was single. along with 4 other girls. not all NUS- ians la. we were not a tight bunch but we were proud of our singlehood. but as mentioned, we are not very tight. and recently i found out that out of the 5 of us, only 1 remains single. yours truly.
it hasn't been an entirely boy- less 10 months. there's been the ocassional more- than- 3- dates, as well as close shaves. but in all of honesty, none of the boys i dated in the past months made me WANT to be in a relationship. none of them had the WOW! that made me think, ah, this could be it. or, oh dear lord i HAVE to make him MINE or i cannot live another day. in this sense, i agree with harry from when harry met sally. when he said, I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.
but no la, none of them were the sort i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. just the same, i was never bitter about the whole concept of relationships. many around me are happily attached. and i admire their strength and resilience and loyalty and OF COURSE, love. i see hope for love in hana/ farhan, maya/ husni, hadi/ nabila, bona/ fangxi, gail/ joseph, diana/ fadly. happy lovely couples, y'all. cheers.
but for a long time i WAS questioning love. as in the love one shares with a partner. i understand and believe in the love i have for Him, for mum, for ayah, for the lovely friends i am surrounded with... but love for this one boy? how is that possible? how is the eternity of love even possible? aren't humans essentially imperfect? how then do you remain monogamous when there is always always someone nicer/ sweeter/ prettier/ hotter/ cuter/ taller/ shorter/ fatter/ whatever-er than your current love?
some say it's about being grateful for what you already have. some even say what makes you think that better other might love or even like you as much as your current? maybe it's just me then. always on the quest for the best. i want the best for myself. it's not a selfish crave, it's an ambition, a goal. to have only the best. but best is fleeting. the benchmark for best is constantly changing and relative to time and surroundings.
so at one point or another, i decided to go down to basics. the fundamentals of 'best'. the CRUCIALS. the MUST- HAVES, not the bonuses. so teeth and height and whatnots are that- bonuses. then after awhile i realize that is so contrived. i am walking around with a frame and trying to fit in any art pieces that could possibly fit.
so i decided to ditch the frame. and now i just walk. and maybe there will be a painting that shouts out to me. a painting that catches my eye, not fits my frame.
the past relationships i've been through have been with boys who fit the frame. like every other eejit, i had a checklist. god bless me then, that i have LOST that wretched list. not to say it didn't do me some good. it got me what i want. sort of. but sometimes a girl can deny even HERSELF of what she really wants. besides, a guy can never have it all. as many have pointed out, no one's perfect, especially not me.
i have rambled for quite a bit and i never really knew what the point i was trying to make. haha. but what's new folks.
i guess i just think. that. i am okay with this love business now. the relationship thingy- o. urgh i hate saying it. haha. i guess slowly... i am opening up again to the possibilities of ever after. and if it ends again i will not throw myself down the deep dark dungeons of lesbianism/ feminism/ soloism. and i know that not all men are scum. yesyes. some of them are, the scums, the scummiest of scums, but never all of them. same goes for girls i guess. i guess i am finally seeing how men/ women/ boys/ girls are really more alike then we think.
and maybe all those nights spent walking back alone back to my room accompanied by a (melodious) cricket chorus is getting to me. nothing speaks of loneliness more than that. and at times like that no matter how you convince yourself that you're fine alone, you know you're fineR if you were talking to someone or walking with someone. and not any someone. *someone*. and maybe puking at 5 a.m. added to this.
that said, i am not on the hunt. all this means is that if love or whatever you call it comes along now, i will not push it away. i am no longer emotionally- barren. i think, maybe la, just maybe, i can love again.
no promises hor. so don't hold your breathe. CUZ YOUR BREATHE STINK AND YOU MIGHT KILL YOURSELF. huahahaha i am SO funny.
anyway. here's some ABBA for you.
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
love kills, no more. :)
relive your childhood why don't you
after the puketacular vomit session, i downed some painkillers and slept like a log. albeit with the slight disturbance at 9.30 a.m. by the royal sweetness. but it's ok. good disturbance. as you can see i am terribly biased.
met hananess and her brother at constant craving. OH she met my brother who sent his regards to me. next time send money, don't send regards. :)
like every trip to C.C, it was lovely and warm and comforting. with friends and loved ones. and good food. sigh. i will miss it.
then it was off to toys 'r' us where HELL BROKE LOOSE. literal HELL. first the second floor had those kiddy rides and i rode the bike. in my short skirt and all. lalala.
then inside. we went mad. toys toys toys. balls. masks. robot hands. we went through it ALL. madness. absolute madness. at one point i used my robot hands to tug the pacifier of this doll- a baby doll, all big eyes and scary shit. i was tugging and tugging and it started crying, like soft crying, like a real kid crying. i stopped tugging and staggered backwards. i am telling you now IT IS SCARY. then later with robot hands too, i dropped a soft toy in the shape of a car. and me and hafiz (hana's bro) used OUR robot hands to pick it up. good fun! :D
then later we went down and OOH more kiddy rides. gone. roller coaster, bert and ernie, thomas the tank engine.
then indochine for my nightly dosage of good live music. the boys are really really good. dang.
then back to dorm. where i had my nightly crap session with the angel known as the royal sweetness. i will NOT gush about him tonight. just know 1- he is getting a black nissan sunny saloon- automatic, 2- he fasts mondays- thurdays, 3- we have a date this saturday and 4- he wants to send me back to my house on saturday, not my dorm. yesyes. i am a happy child.
that is why i can't really blog right now. cuz as i told erwin, i am floating and floating people can't think. in a bit i will come back down and join all of you, for now let me fly.
pictures to soothe your fiza cravings. huahaha. i am telling you now, as i always do. that. i. am. mad. ok? ok go.
cak! shop closing ah... come tomorrow k?
racing!
lust.
happy meal!
mat motor. hahahaha.
return of the mask. pfft.
from this point here i am posting pics i am too lazy to resize. :)
i luplup my beefishes.
CHOO! CHOO!
roller- coaster ride! aaah! scream!
carousel! pretty pretty horses!
i wanna be a rockstar.
i REALLY wanna be a rockstar.
biker chic, oui?
bionicle accessories and robot hand. :D i am like an ad! for toys 'r' us! no?
we have pretty ladybug hats AND YOU DON'T SO HAH! eat my shit! ok no wait don't.
i think this is damn scary. superman cum minnie mouse. SCARY. S.C.A.R.Y. like a bapok gone wrong.
i am a BASEBALL! with BAD TEETH! VERY bad teeth.
saving the best for the last. here goes. this is why, said, LITERAL HELL up there.
we await you. the devil in uniform and the serial killer in flowery shirt. aye aye.
i apologize for the size. i am floating. and what do they say about floating people???
yes. they are retards. now goodbye, good day, and good night.
after the puketacular vomit session, i downed some painkillers and slept like a log. albeit with the slight disturbance at 9.30 a.m. by the royal sweetness. but it's ok. good disturbance. as you can see i am terribly biased.
met hananess and her brother at constant craving. OH she met my brother who sent his regards to me. next time send money, don't send regards. :)
like every trip to C.C, it was lovely and warm and comforting. with friends and loved ones. and good food. sigh. i will miss it.
then it was off to toys 'r' us where HELL BROKE LOOSE. literal HELL. first the second floor had those kiddy rides and i rode the bike. in my short skirt and all. lalala.
then inside. we went mad. toys toys toys. balls. masks. robot hands. we went through it ALL. madness. absolute madness. at one point i used my robot hands to tug the pacifier of this doll- a baby doll, all big eyes and scary shit. i was tugging and tugging and it started crying, like soft crying, like a real kid crying. i stopped tugging and staggered backwards. i am telling you now IT IS SCARY. then later with robot hands too, i dropped a soft toy in the shape of a car. and me and hafiz (hana's bro) used OUR robot hands to pick it up. good fun! :D
then later we went down and OOH more kiddy rides. gone. roller coaster, bert and ernie, thomas the tank engine.
then indochine for my nightly dosage of good live music. the boys are really really good. dang.
then back to dorm. where i had my nightly crap session with the angel known as the royal sweetness. i will NOT gush about him tonight. just know 1- he is getting a black nissan sunny saloon- automatic, 2- he fasts mondays- thurdays, 3- we have a date this saturday and 4- he wants to send me back to my house on saturday, not my dorm. yesyes. i am a happy child.
that is why i can't really blog right now. cuz as i told erwin, i am floating and floating people can't think. in a bit i will come back down and join all of you, for now let me fly.
pictures to soothe your fiza cravings. huahaha. i am telling you now, as i always do. that. i. am. mad. ok? ok go.
cak! shop closing ah... come tomorrow k?
racing!
lust.
happy meal!
mat motor. hahahaha.
return of the mask. pfft.
from this point here i am posting pics i am too lazy to resize. :)
i luplup my beefishes.
CHOO! CHOO!
roller- coaster ride! aaah! scream!
carousel! pretty pretty horses!
i wanna be a rockstar.
i REALLY wanna be a rockstar.
biker chic, oui?
bionicle accessories and robot hand. :D i am like an ad! for toys 'r' us! no?
we have pretty ladybug hats AND YOU DON'T SO HAH! eat my shit! ok no wait don't.
i think this is damn scary. superman cum minnie mouse. SCARY. S.C.A.R.Y. like a bapok gone wrong.
i am a BASEBALL! with BAD TEETH! VERY bad teeth.
saving the best for the last. here goes. this is why, said, LITERAL HELL up there.
we await you. the devil in uniform and the serial killer in flowery shirt. aye aye.
i apologize for the size. i am floating. and what do they say about floating people???
yes. they are retards. now goodbye, good day, and good night.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
at times like this i long for someone to call my own, or at least be at home where there is someone.
the past hour was me in the toilet vomitting. vomitting is a very vicious cycle. first you get dry- mouthed, you get that dry iron taste in your mouth when you know you're seconds from puking, then you puke, you see your puke, get grossed out, and puke some more. and then your throat stings and your nose hurts and you just keep pouring like a gushing water fountain.
then you feel very weak and tired and wish someone was here to rub some axe oil or vicks on you. or just pat you to sleep again.
and when you wake up tomorrow you wouldn't want to eat anything cuz your tongue and throat is all funky. and then you lose lots of weight and you look skinny and sickly and you fall sick.
so now you know what is going to be happening to me in the next few weeks. bad timing i say. exams are rolling right up.
and i wish i had someone to call up and whine to right now. even if i'm at home i wouldn't have woke mum up. but at least it's a home. i dunno la.
or maybe cuz now i feel i am possibly ready to jump headlong into this heady relationship business again.
this could just be the woozy girl talking. all that orange vomit. ugh.
i want someone i can call at 5 a.m. you can't call anyone cuz ''anyone'' will get pissed and cranky cuz they are asleep. but that "someone" would be glad to be woken up cuz they would want to make you feel better and make you go to sleep again and though he might not be able to come over ASAP, he can talk to me till i'm sleepy.
it's nice to know someone wants to make you feel better. and tries to. and succeeds. and asks for nothing in return.
i shall talk to my imaginary friend now. good night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
time check. 2.42 p.m.
9.30 a.m. phone blasts guitar riffs from rock and roll lifestyle by cake. OOOH message!
it's from the boy who didn't call me back last night when he said he would. i think he fell asleep. anyway, forgiven. haha.
now all is well again. i shall proceed to do my term paper and FINISH it by 6. then meet hana in town for C.C.
oh yeah. public announcement.
CONSTANT CRAVING @ FAR EAST LEVEL 5 IS CLOSING THIS SATURDAY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T, PLEASE TAKE THIS LAST OPPORTUNITY TO DINE THERE. EXPERIENCE FOR YOURSELF THE COSY HAPPINESS AND WARM FRIENDLINESS ME AND HANANESS HAVE BEEN PRIVELEGED TO RECEIVE FOR THE PAST YEAR. OR AT LEAST, TO SAVOUR THE LAST BLACK PEPPER CHICKEN OR LEMON DILL DORY OF YOUR LIFE. IT WILL BE DEARLY MISSED.
i want to bring someone to constant craving... heh heh heh. ade la... cannot tell you. hahahahaha. since he is interested in opening his own F & B venture, i think a talk with abang yazid, someone who already has, will do him good. but it's closing this saturday lei. how like that.
can la. maybe i kidnap him from work. work work work. work so hard. make me feel like a pig! but a happy pig.
i am sorry to say i am about to talk about faidzal as of now. so you might wanna leave? haha. cuz it's damn gross mah. like my puke this morning.
he makes me happy. with a text message, a call, a laugh. his laugh. with all his lame malay phrases. with our silly interview sessions. how he hasn't gone down that very boring path of hellohowareyouwhatyoudoinghaveyoueaten crap. like the song, he has me lifted shifted higher than the ceiling, and ooh wee it's the ultimate feeling and no, i don't want to come down. the air is better up here.
he is taking his time, having it slowed. and i like it. guess what, i finally have my courtship. after years of getting attached to my best buddies, i finally get that moment, that period of time before you get attached and grow fat together, the freaky high- ness you derive from seeing "1 message received" and then seeing "Faidzal". or worse when it rings. the trill in your veins when he goes, "hi, may i speak to fiza/ the girl who can't hear her phone/ you?" how he makes you laugh within seconds of calling. how he says you look like the train poles but willingly make stupid voices and sound like an idiot to make you laugh again when you pretend to be offended by it and go quiet and ignore him. how he says that if it was your drinks, he will make sure he was the one who makes it. how competitive he gets when he knows you're drinking teh tarik right then, teh tarik from mama shop. how insistent he is in knowing if it's as good as his. haha. it's just MILK TEA la. so competitive for what.
in his free time, which is a rarity, he sails at changi sailing club. or lift weights. or he studies for his private degree. in 2 weeks time, he will be purchasing a new car. he hasn't decided yet. he had 2 bikes before, a normal TZM and a scrambler. in our first phone call, we argued about osama's death/ existence. and michael jackson's. he has class 2a, 2b, 3 and 4 licence. in the army, he drove the army trucks. hehe. because of him, i no longer think you and i by jason mraz is as whiny and annoying as i used to. he could start his own venture already in july, but he wants to stay with wismangan, where he will be under the tutelage of the manager. at work he is all serious and formal cuz he disciplines himself to be serious at work and school. so if you message him during these two periods of time, expect a reply only at break or when it ends. oh but his messages are like those... "hav a nice dae ya!" and "kekeke... okiez, you take care." it doesn't annoy as much as it did when he sent it the first time. maybe now cuz i put it in context. with the person. just the same...
faid: hey all these are juz teasings okiez, don't take them seriously... ;)
me: no la i know la... the more i look at your messages the sleepier i become... so many Z's at the back... :p
faid: ohhh... making fun of me ah...
me: sudah gaharu cendana pula, sudah tahu bertanya pula... ;) (this is a very old, classic malay 'poem' of sorts. basically means if you know it, why still ask.)
faid: ye la tuan puteri dari kayangan yang terhandal sekali! (ok fine clever princess who comes from the heavens)
hahaha. i won that battle. :D and hana! PRINCESS! hahaha.
am so proud of myself. i recalled that malay poem thingy at 9.30 a.m. ok. when i was all high on painkillers and comfortably snuggled under my blankets.
and mum just called and i told her what happen and she said, "you should stop terrorizing all these boys with your sms- ing standards la, reading list requirements la, height minimum la, speaking style la..." aiya. i like mah.
yeah i got reading requirements. if you don't like books, i don't like you.
and don't talk like a mat. THAT'S ALL. i never ask for fake accents and drips.
and minimum height requirement of 1.75m cuz i realize this the perfect height that will in turn allow the execution and materialization of my perfect hug. many have forgotten the perfect hug requirement, and i almost did too.
here goes, from 9th september 2004. go archives for full entry.
how glorious will it be... to be in your arms... i imagine you to be a thick warm woolly sweater... which just envelopes around me... just letting me and you be one... just a moment, a few seconds, maybe a minute... of me taking in your warmth... just standing with you... being in your arms... which wraps around me... locking me into your grasp... i just want that warmth. to have you make me feel like i'm the most precious and fragile thing in your world that you have to hold me so warmly and gently at the same tight so tightly cuz you're so afraid to let go. i want that hug.
warm and enveloping and everything. you'll be my thick loving sweater. you in your jeans and tee and jacket. hug. niceness.
one day someone* will hug me and i will feel all that i feel up there and i just know i'll have to marry him just so that i can get that warm loving hug everyday. :)
*someone used to read- "the one for me." i stopped believing in "the one" business some time back.
i want to feel protected cuz when i go out with small, cute, short boys it's fun and happy and all but i will never feel safe and secure as i feel with say, dizzie. or khalid. cuz they're tall there is this false sense of security. FALSE. but sense of security nonetheless. :D
size does matter. hahaha.
i shall drink something flavoured. the tongue is supa- funky, like a really bad hip- hop song title.
the past hour was me in the toilet vomitting. vomitting is a very vicious cycle. first you get dry- mouthed, you get that dry iron taste in your mouth when you know you're seconds from puking, then you puke, you see your puke, get grossed out, and puke some more. and then your throat stings and your nose hurts and you just keep pouring like a gushing water fountain.
then you feel very weak and tired and wish someone was here to rub some axe oil or vicks on you. or just pat you to sleep again.
and when you wake up tomorrow you wouldn't want to eat anything cuz your tongue and throat is all funky. and then you lose lots of weight and you look skinny and sickly and you fall sick.
so now you know what is going to be happening to me in the next few weeks. bad timing i say. exams are rolling right up.
and i wish i had someone to call up and whine to right now. even if i'm at home i wouldn't have woke mum up. but at least it's a home. i dunno la.
or maybe cuz now i feel i am possibly ready to jump headlong into this heady relationship business again.
this could just be the woozy girl talking. all that orange vomit. ugh.
i want someone i can call at 5 a.m. you can't call anyone cuz ''anyone'' will get pissed and cranky cuz they are asleep. but that "someone" would be glad to be woken up cuz they would want to make you feel better and make you go to sleep again and though he might not be able to come over ASAP, he can talk to me till i'm sleepy.
it's nice to know someone wants to make you feel better. and tries to. and succeeds. and asks for nothing in return.
i shall talk to my imaginary friend now. good night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
time check. 2.42 p.m.
9.30 a.m. phone blasts guitar riffs from rock and roll lifestyle by cake. OOOH message!
it's from the boy who didn't call me back last night when he said he would. i think he fell asleep. anyway, forgiven. haha.
now all is well again. i shall proceed to do my term paper and FINISH it by 6. then meet hana in town for C.C.
oh yeah. public announcement.
CONSTANT CRAVING @ FAR EAST LEVEL 5 IS CLOSING THIS SATURDAY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T, PLEASE TAKE THIS LAST OPPORTUNITY TO DINE THERE. EXPERIENCE FOR YOURSELF THE COSY HAPPINESS AND WARM FRIENDLINESS ME AND HANANESS HAVE BEEN PRIVELEGED TO RECEIVE FOR THE PAST YEAR. OR AT LEAST, TO SAVOUR THE LAST BLACK PEPPER CHICKEN OR LEMON DILL DORY OF YOUR LIFE. IT WILL BE DEARLY MISSED.
i want to bring someone to constant craving... heh heh heh. ade la... cannot tell you. hahahahaha. since he is interested in opening his own F & B venture, i think a talk with abang yazid, someone who already has, will do him good. but it's closing this saturday lei. how like that.
can la. maybe i kidnap him from work. work work work. work so hard. make me feel like a pig! but a happy pig.
i am sorry to say i am about to talk about faidzal as of now. so you might wanna leave? haha. cuz it's damn gross mah. like my puke this morning.
he makes me happy. with a text message, a call, a laugh. his laugh. with all his lame malay phrases. with our silly interview sessions. how he hasn't gone down that very boring path of hellohowareyouwhatyoudoinghaveyoueaten crap. like the song, he has me lifted shifted higher than the ceiling, and ooh wee it's the ultimate feeling and no, i don't want to come down. the air is better up here.
he is taking his time, having it slowed. and i like it. guess what, i finally have my courtship. after years of getting attached to my best buddies, i finally get that moment, that period of time before you get attached and grow fat together, the freaky high- ness you derive from seeing "1 message received" and then seeing "Faidzal". or worse when it rings. the trill in your veins when he goes, "hi, may i speak to fiza/ the girl who can't hear her phone/ you?" how he makes you laugh within seconds of calling. how he says you look like the train poles but willingly make stupid voices and sound like an idiot to make you laugh again when you pretend to be offended by it and go quiet and ignore him. how he says that if it was your drinks, he will make sure he was the one who makes it. how competitive he gets when he knows you're drinking teh tarik right then, teh tarik from mama shop. how insistent he is in knowing if it's as good as his. haha. it's just MILK TEA la. so competitive for what.
in his free time, which is a rarity, he sails at changi sailing club. or lift weights. or he studies for his private degree. in 2 weeks time, he will be purchasing a new car. he hasn't decided yet. he had 2 bikes before, a normal TZM and a scrambler. in our first phone call, we argued about osama's death/ existence. and michael jackson's. he has class 2a, 2b, 3 and 4 licence. in the army, he drove the army trucks. hehe. because of him, i no longer think you and i by jason mraz is as whiny and annoying as i used to. he could start his own venture already in july, but he wants to stay with wismangan, where he will be under the tutelage of the manager. at work he is all serious and formal cuz he disciplines himself to be serious at work and school. so if you message him during these two periods of time, expect a reply only at break or when it ends. oh but his messages are like those... "hav a nice dae ya!" and "kekeke... okiez, you take care." it doesn't annoy as much as it did when he sent it the first time. maybe now cuz i put it in context. with the person. just the same...
faid: hey all these are juz teasings okiez, don't take them seriously... ;)
me: no la i know la... the more i look at your messages the sleepier i become... so many Z's at the back... :p
faid: ohhh... making fun of me ah...
me: sudah gaharu cendana pula, sudah tahu bertanya pula... ;) (this is a very old, classic malay 'poem' of sorts. basically means if you know it, why still ask.)
faid: ye la tuan puteri dari kayangan yang terhandal sekali! (ok fine clever princess who comes from the heavens)
hahaha. i won that battle. :D and hana! PRINCESS! hahaha.
am so proud of myself. i recalled that malay poem thingy at 9.30 a.m. ok. when i was all high on painkillers and comfortably snuggled under my blankets.
and mum just called and i told her what happen and she said, "you should stop terrorizing all these boys with your sms- ing standards la, reading list requirements la, height minimum la, speaking style la..." aiya. i like mah.
yeah i got reading requirements. if you don't like books, i don't like you.
and don't talk like a mat. THAT'S ALL. i never ask for fake accents and drips.
and minimum height requirement of 1.75m cuz i realize this the perfect height that will in turn allow the execution and materialization of my perfect hug. many have forgotten the perfect hug requirement, and i almost did too.
here goes, from 9th september 2004. go archives for full entry.
warm and enveloping and everything. you'll be my thick loving sweater. you in your jeans and tee and jacket. hug. niceness.
one day someone* will hug me and i will feel all that i feel up there and i just know i'll have to marry him just so that i can get that warm loving hug everyday. :)
*someone used to read- "the one for me." i stopped believing in "the one" business some time back.
i want to feel protected cuz when i go out with small, cute, short boys it's fun and happy and all but i will never feel safe and secure as i feel with say, dizzie. or khalid. cuz they're tall there is this false sense of security. FALSE. but sense of security nonetheless. :D
size does matter. hahaha.
i shall drink something flavoured. the tongue is supa- funky, like a really bad hip- hop song title.
boleh saya cakap dengan fiza?
ye boleh, boleh sekali. HAHAHA. never mind.
today was so fiiiiiiiiiiine cuz i FINALLY FINISHED MY ESSAY! THAT WAS DUE LAST MONTH! I ROCK. why? cuz i told faidzal (i tell him all sorts of crap, really) and he told me that i should work hard... do my essays... and just now he called and i happily reported to him that it was finished... :D
so i finished it in 2 hours (imagine, one month procrastinating for work that can be completed in 2 hours) and then napped for 2 hours then khalid called and we went wismangan. nono not to see faidzal. cuz i KNEW faidzal finished at work at 6. so i went at 7. hahaha. and khalid likes the place. soothing balinese tunes and good malay dishes. told you it's good. humph.
then we went to town. where we sat at our usual spot @ starbucks cali fitness. after a tall mocha, i was gone. HIGH. happy as hell.
so we walked to borders from there and throughout this walk fiza was happily wailing malay rock songs. at one point of time i looked at this mat in the eye and suddenly wailed (very loudly), "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH.... SAAAAAAAAAAA.......... KUUUUUUUUUU........ RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...." now if that didn't make his day i don't know what can.
khalid say my hand skinny!!!!! he say like stick!!!! can break into half anytime one!!!!! wah laoooooo.
we stopped in front of indochine for a bit to listen to the boys playing there. still the same dudes. he's got the sexiest voice on the face of earth. he sang change the world. and your body is wonderland. if someone with a voice as raspy as that tells me, you want love, we'll make it i think i might probably have an instant orgasm.
at borders we walk- walk talk cock then i refused to read semi- porn with him so we decided to walk again, this time to starbucks at toys 'r' us. but no we didn't have coffee. we just sat.
oh at one point of time while walking i saw these 2 indian ladies sitting on one of the benches and talking loudly and gesturing overtly. i sat down on the bench and made khalid do the same cuz i wanted to listen to them. "shhh quiet quiet! they're BITCHING!" but it was in tamil. but that made it all the more fun. :D
when we arrived at starbucks all that walking had sapped my hyper energy from the previous caffeine intake and hence i was on an extreme low. i started muttering, "i am depressed, i am depressed, i am depressed" continously, only ocassionally alternating it with loudly singing "lonelyyyyyyyyyyy... i am so lonelyyyyyyyyyyy... i got nobodyyyyyyyy..." poor khalid. *pats* oh soon after he got depressed too. he decided that he was. "ok i am depressed too. oh no we're two depressed people!"
we didn't order anything. just sat there. he smoked. i willed my phone to ring. a mad man walked past shrieking and laughing to himself. i got annoyed. even the madman was happier than me. i wanted to throw my phone at him. but cannot. wait people want to call me how?
we walked towards the train station at 11.30 p.m. while walking khalid decided that we would derive great joy from shouting macam sial la! really really loudly. it's basically cussing, like wah lao eh or what the hell, but in malay and more crass lingo. i tried but mine went maaaaaaaaaaacam siaaaaaaaal laaaaaaaaa and sounded too sing- song to reflect our depression. so we decided to say life is a piece of fuck. it had a more edgy, angsty tone to it. but i just kept wanting to laugh cuz cuss words tickle me. if you ever come up to my face and suddenly say cheebyeeeeeee i'll burst out laughing and you'll go deaf. so anyway we tried that and it didn't work.
so i decided to imagine how i'd feel if someone came up to me right then and ask. "how much per hour?" this got me very riled up and i was so passionately irked by this thought that i went on a long long rant. "wah lao if any asswipe come up to me now and ask me that thinking i am a prostitute i will take off my shoe and slap him! what the hell! i am an educated and well brought- up girl! i am not dressed like a prostitute la can?!?! wah laooo i will so slap him!" then khalid decided he too will be very angry if he was mistaken for a prostitute and said "ya! so irritating right! if anyone say that i'd just go cheeebye fuck you kanina" bla bla bla.
and we were decidedly happy.
at orchard mrt station i went to pee cuz i didn't want to hold my pee all the way to buona vista for this poses 2 risks- me getting horny or me peeing in my skirt. both are ugly mental images SO DON'T GO THERE.
and just after i peed, the phone rang! *gospel choir sings a rousing chorus* and all was happy and dandy after that, of course. chatted for awhile then he said he'll call back later. now i await for his call again. it's 1 a.m. though. maybe he's asleep. *shrugs* ah well.
that will give me a chance to finally know what is it to miss something.
ring, phone, ring! ring dammit!
i want to be depressed toooooo.
we are depressed. yay!
khalid wants to smash his laptop into half using my head cuz he said i have too many boys and they keep changing.
sorry! :D
sigh. i am hooked but as long as the hooker doesn't know it, i am not losing. (and yes hana, i know. race. again. *slaps forehead* kan? haha.)
and ooooooh hooker. hahaha.
ye boleh, boleh sekali. HAHAHA. never mind.
today was so fiiiiiiiiiiine cuz i FINALLY FINISHED MY ESSAY! THAT WAS DUE LAST MONTH! I ROCK. why? cuz i told faidzal (i tell him all sorts of crap, really) and he told me that i should work hard... do my essays... and just now he called and i happily reported to him that it was finished... :D
so i finished it in 2 hours (imagine, one month procrastinating for work that can be completed in 2 hours) and then napped for 2 hours then khalid called and we went wismangan. nono not to see faidzal. cuz i KNEW faidzal finished at work at 6. so i went at 7. hahaha. and khalid likes the place. soothing balinese tunes and good malay dishes. told you it's good. humph.
then we went to town. where we sat at our usual spot @ starbucks cali fitness. after a tall mocha, i was gone. HIGH. happy as hell.
so we walked to borders from there and throughout this walk fiza was happily wailing malay rock songs. at one point of time i looked at this mat in the eye and suddenly wailed (very loudly), "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH.... SAAAAAAAAAAA.......... KUUUUUUUUUU........ RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...." now if that didn't make his day i don't know what can.
khalid say my hand skinny!!!!! he say like stick!!!! can break into half anytime one!!!!! wah laoooooo.
we stopped in front of indochine for a bit to listen to the boys playing there. still the same dudes. he's got the sexiest voice on the face of earth. he sang change the world. and your body is wonderland. if someone with a voice as raspy as that tells me, you want love, we'll make it i think i might probably have an instant orgasm.
at borders we walk- walk talk cock then i refused to read semi- porn with him so we decided to walk again, this time to starbucks at toys 'r' us. but no we didn't have coffee. we just sat.
oh at one point of time while walking i saw these 2 indian ladies sitting on one of the benches and talking loudly and gesturing overtly. i sat down on the bench and made khalid do the same cuz i wanted to listen to them. "shhh quiet quiet! they're BITCHING!" but it was in tamil. but that made it all the more fun. :D
when we arrived at starbucks all that walking had sapped my hyper energy from the previous caffeine intake and hence i was on an extreme low. i started muttering, "i am depressed, i am depressed, i am depressed" continously, only ocassionally alternating it with loudly singing "lonelyyyyyyyyyyy... i am so lonelyyyyyyyyyyy... i got nobodyyyyyyyy..." poor khalid. *pats* oh soon after he got depressed too. he decided that he was. "ok i am depressed too. oh no we're two depressed people!"
we didn't order anything. just sat there. he smoked. i willed my phone to ring. a mad man walked past shrieking and laughing to himself. i got annoyed. even the madman was happier than me. i wanted to throw my phone at him. but cannot. wait people want to call me how?
we walked towards the train station at 11.30 p.m. while walking khalid decided that we would derive great joy from shouting macam sial la! really really loudly. it's basically cussing, like wah lao eh or what the hell, but in malay and more crass lingo. i tried but mine went maaaaaaaaaaacam siaaaaaaaal laaaaaaaaa and sounded too sing- song to reflect our depression. so we decided to say life is a piece of fuck. it had a more edgy, angsty tone to it. but i just kept wanting to laugh cuz cuss words tickle me. if you ever come up to my face and suddenly say cheebyeeeeeee i'll burst out laughing and you'll go deaf. so anyway we tried that and it didn't work.
so i decided to imagine how i'd feel if someone came up to me right then and ask. "how much per hour?" this got me very riled up and i was so passionately irked by this thought that i went on a long long rant. "wah lao if any asswipe come up to me now and ask me that thinking i am a prostitute i will take off my shoe and slap him! what the hell! i am an educated and well brought- up girl! i am not dressed like a prostitute la can?!?! wah laooo i will so slap him!" then khalid decided he too will be very angry if he was mistaken for a prostitute and said "ya! so irritating right! if anyone say that i'd just go cheeebye fuck you kanina" bla bla bla.
and we were decidedly happy.
at orchard mrt station i went to pee cuz i didn't want to hold my pee all the way to buona vista for this poses 2 risks- me getting horny or me peeing in my skirt. both are ugly mental images SO DON'T GO THERE.
and just after i peed, the phone rang! *gospel choir sings a rousing chorus* and all was happy and dandy after that, of course. chatted for awhile then he said he'll call back later. now i await for his call again. it's 1 a.m. though. maybe he's asleep. *shrugs* ah well.
that will give me a chance to finally know what is it to miss something.
ring, phone, ring! ring dammit!
i want to be depressed toooooo.
we are depressed. yay!
khalid wants to smash his laptop into half using my head cuz he said i have too many boys and they keep changing.
sorry! :D
sigh. i am hooked but as long as the hooker doesn't know it, i am not losing. (and yes hana, i know. race. again. *slaps forehead* kan? haha.)
and ooooooh hooker. hahaha.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
for the confused
ok la some people have complained to me about how confusing my blog is now. i shall hereby attempt to expain it.
ocassionally when i am on campus i.e. most of the time cuz i stay in a hostel remember; the school server fails me and doesn't allow me into blogger.com. hence i am deprived of blogging but since my blogging needs are always urgent/ pressing/ desperately funny/ a matter of life and death, i came up with a back- up diary- trestemporal.diaryland.com. HOWEVER whenever blogger manages to work for me; like TODAY and NOW; i will post whatever entries i have on diaryland HERE.
so when do we go to diaryland?
well, i blog daily and if there is no updates in 12 hours here on blogger, chances are you'll have better luck over at diaryland. got it?
and yes, i do actually owe lots of essays. what else? sorry? oh yes yes. i stopped dating too. for REAL. if you read archives, for the past few weeks has only been me and mum or me and hana. basically wo wo wo mannnn.
oh tonight i am going out with khalid for dinner. :) friends don't qualify as dates la.
what else? oh ho ho ho. come again? what is UP with you and this royal sweetness? who is he where is he from bla bla bla what is he doing here popping up on every entry and why have you stopped being funny?
hmm. tough one. ok. here's some info on the royal sweetness. so read this and internalize it cuz i won't blog it again.
the royal sweetness is faidzal. he is a waiter at wismangan- a very nice eatery at bugis; malay dishes, reasonable price, fantastick service. he is also taking a business admin degree from curtin, at a private school. he lives in toa payoh. he is 24. he is single but not sure if available la. he is not handsome or hot or cute as i may have misled you into believing. he is just very nice. he is polite and has won the approval of my mum. i have known him; as in know his name and all, for less than 2 weeks. and 2 nights in a row, we've had phone marathons. that results in much laughter and joy on my part. what else?
oh. yes. funny. well as long as i am not talking about royal sweetness chances are good i will be funny. but for now i am a girl, smitten and floaty and it is quite hard to be funny in this state. though you can laugh at the fact that i am in this state in the first place lor. this also proves my theory that you tend to be stupid when in love. not like i am. i'm.just.saying.
ok anymore questions? well you can send me your hatemail (or FANMAIL!) via lim_fiz@yahoo.com.sg. don't give me spam.
yes that was a real e- mail addie. GASP!
but no, it's not my msn addie so don't bother adding me up. :) if you wanna add me on msn, well e- mail me at abovementioned addie and i'll have you know.
i am hereby opening up the floor. any questions on my life and whatnots? for a limited time period only i will answer all your questions with full honesty so tag (or e- mail) away!
p.s.: but no hana, i'm sorry. i can't answer you why i can have a boyfriend named pistachio and be happy about it. or how i can joke about drawing smileys on my pregnant belly. oh wait that wasn't a joke. i was serious. and i'm sorry i can't explain to you how i can talk nonsense non- stop. just bear with it la. at least it keeps you entertained.
p.p.s: and hana, again, be patient la. he will be back and all will be dandy. that said no one said you have to be all magnanimous and understanding about it. you can stomp around and throw things. we (or i) understand. *helps her throw jamban at brunei, not before she snitches her dude away in time* aaah happy happy world.
ok la some people have complained to me about how confusing my blog is now. i shall hereby attempt to expain it.
ocassionally when i am on campus i.e. most of the time cuz i stay in a hostel remember; the school server fails me and doesn't allow me into blogger.com. hence i am deprived of blogging but since my blogging needs are always urgent/ pressing/ desperately funny/ a matter of life and death, i came up with a back- up diary- trestemporal.diaryland.com. HOWEVER whenever blogger manages to work for me; like TODAY and NOW; i will post whatever entries i have on diaryland HERE.
so when do we go to diaryland?
well, i blog daily and if there is no updates in 12 hours here on blogger, chances are you'll have better luck over at diaryland. got it?
and yes, i do actually owe lots of essays. what else? sorry? oh yes yes. i stopped dating too. for REAL. if you read archives, for the past few weeks has only been me and mum or me and hana. basically wo wo wo mannnn.
oh tonight i am going out with khalid for dinner. :) friends don't qualify as dates la.
what else? oh ho ho ho. come again? what is UP with you and this royal sweetness? who is he where is he from bla bla bla what is he doing here popping up on every entry and why have you stopped being funny?
hmm. tough one. ok. here's some info on the royal sweetness. so read this and internalize it cuz i won't blog it again.
the royal sweetness is faidzal. he is a waiter at wismangan- a very nice eatery at bugis; malay dishes, reasonable price, fantastick service. he is also taking a business admin degree from curtin, at a private school. he lives in toa payoh. he is 24. he is single but not sure if available la. he is not handsome or hot or cute as i may have misled you into believing. he is just very nice. he is polite and has won the approval of my mum. i have known him; as in know his name and all, for less than 2 weeks. and 2 nights in a row, we've had phone marathons. that results in much laughter and joy on my part. what else?
oh. yes. funny. well as long as i am not talking about royal sweetness chances are good i will be funny. but for now i am a girl, smitten and floaty and it is quite hard to be funny in this state. though you can laugh at the fact that i am in this state in the first place lor. this also proves my theory that you tend to be stupid when in love. not like i am. i'm.just.saying.
ok anymore questions? well you can send me your hatemail (or FANMAIL!) via lim_fiz@yahoo.com.sg. don't give me spam.
yes that was a real e- mail addie. GASP!
but no, it's not my msn addie so don't bother adding me up. :) if you wanna add me on msn, well e- mail me at abovementioned addie and i'll have you know.
i am hereby opening up the floor. any questions on my life and whatnots? for a limited time period only i will answer all your questions with full honesty so tag (or e- mail) away!
p.s.: but no hana, i'm sorry. i can't answer you why i can have a boyfriend named pistachio and be happy about it. or how i can joke about drawing smileys on my pregnant belly. oh wait that wasn't a joke. i was serious. and i'm sorry i can't explain to you how i can talk nonsense non- stop. just bear with it la. at least it keeps you entertained.
p.p.s: and hana, again, be patient la. he will be back and all will be dandy. that said no one said you have to be all magnanimous and understanding about it. you can stomp around and throw things. we (or i) understand. *helps her throw jamban at brunei, not before she snitches her dude away in time* aaah happy happy world.
i am the most annoying piece of happiness you will meet
he is being the sweetest thing in the world.
he is being the sweetest thing in the world.
*prepares bucket* k each one take one, go puke k.
talked again. for eons. my ears almost melted and fused with the phone.
he talked to my mum cuz he wanted to get to know me. out of respect, he approached her first. oh my goodness. how more old school can you get.
oh don't worry, he is STILL crappy.
he is lame. beyond believe. actually no i can actually see him being that lame. haha.
he called me last night, for the first time, cuz he missed me. cuz he didn't get to talk to me when i was at the shop. cuz when i said bye i smiled so he had to call me. huh? hahaha ya. don't ask.
he laughs at me with me and for nothing too. :)
"if i ask you out would you say yes?" wah lao. you THINK lei. haha.
might have a date. this saturday. dum dee da dee da.
i still don't know his full name. is that important? hahaha.
he likes rojak melayu. malay rojak. he likes usher's burn. he knew what i was humming just now- jojo; get out. :)
i still see his flaws. he don't know things. but that along with everything else makes him, him and nothing in the world can replace that. HIM. :)
Monday, April 11, 2005
sigh. he called.
right after work. he called. talked the mandatory nonsense and hey, i even whined to him about jerks (read previous entry). he listened, didn't comment, and we moved on to more pressing issues.
crapping. :D:D:D:D
talked, laughed, argued. it's becoming a routine already and it's only day 2.
and when i told him to stop crapping for just one minute he said ya then we have to do the same old boring talk of hi how are you what are you doing have you eaten yadayada.
me: oh ya! like hello what you doing? oh lying around... or oh sitting down... or standing... then OH WOW YOU'RE STANDING!
haha as you can see he has been exposed to my brand of crap- talk and he is taking it well. :)
he is currently eating as we speak and i made him hang up cuz how in the blue heavens is he to talk to me and eat at the same time? *mental image: he chokes on rojak as fiza goes off on another random rant*
so he will call me back later. and i will wait. cuz i love talking to him. my daily dosage of laughter is met and for once, it's someone else's doing.
but OF COURSE i can't sign- in to blogger. what is UP with my NUS server? nehneh.
anyway i desperately need to blog this.
this is for azza who might or might not read this blog. but it is also a message for all impressionable and naive girls out there.
DO NOT TRUST YOUR MEN SO EASILY. DON'T FALL TOO FAST.
azza found out the guy she used to like/ have a crush on/ whatever is now going out? or talking? or something- something- ing with her own sister. and of course everyone is like but fizaaaaa it's his business, his problem what, he didn't promise anyone anything blablabla.
well listen here you shits. if you are so fucking hot that you need to get to know the entire female population in singapore in order to satisfy your cavemen desires of making her like you then running off, then clearly you're hot enough to not have to limit yourself to a girl and her sister. fuck it. best friends are off- limits and what more sisters.
and yayaya you boys aren't doing anything we're just talking/ dating/ fucking/ whatevering well if it hurts the bloody girl who used to like you WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GO BARK UP A DIFFERENT TREE YOU DOGS. since you're so FUCKING DESIRABLE ANYWAY.
why am i so incensed? well because firstly although the girl in the first place was dumb to like mr- caveman- who- thinks- he's- so- fucking- hot before getting to know him better, i don't blame her for he is what he is and she is, still, 17 and young. at that age you're like, emotions all over the place la. and i emphatise. i know she is hurt and i do not trivialise this hurt because it could have been avoided. it is not necessary.
cuz the guy knows she used to like him, have a crush on him, was infatuated with him, whatever. so even if her sister is probably THE ONE for him (i bet you my LIFE she isn't and she is just going to be dropped like a hot potato soon, wait and see) can't he wait a bit? let the dust bloody SETTLE? maybe the girl is taking some time to get over him but well it's not as if there isn't 200 other girls in that phonebook of yours to call up. so why HER SISTER?
a thousand reasons available but the bottomline is; you approached her sister knowing the she used to like you and hence what you're doing might potentially hurt her but you went on anyway. as long as you proceed with the sister with the awareness and acknowledgement that it will hurt the sister; you are a BASTARD. you proceed with intention to hurt. you hurt people. intentionally.
so fuck you. fuck you. i hope karma comes back and bite you in the ass and you die a SHORT FAT LONELY UGLY FAITHLESS AND LOVELESS MAN.
and of course i am one to talk with my own colourful dating/ lovelife history. but i am telling you now i never did brothers. and i never proceeded with something i know might potentially hurt someone else.
because if pain unto else is not going to deter you, nothing will.
because if you can live with the fact that someone is hurt by something you did that you could have not do, if you can go to sleep each night freed of guilt or worse, triumphant that you have managed to stir such hurt in someone else, if you can go on with life and silence that conscience (or maybe the conscience isn't there) that says what you're doing is hurting someone else, and still not care,
then you're no better than an axe- wielding murderer, are you?
i am sorry to say i will not continue my half- written entry down there. another day perhaps.
i am too floaty to blog but i needa post the pic of the woman who made all this possible.
she sleeps in any rides and it annoys me. cuz i can't do that. taxis make me giddy.
mum, you da (wo)man!
me looking positively evil but HEY LOOK WE MATCH; mother and daughter in holy greenfest matrimonial bliss.
mum made royal sweetness happen. mum made sure i didn't drop him like a hot potato at the sight of the first grammar mistake in his text message...
and look where i am now.
i am living proof that mothers' knows best.
i am too floaty to blog but i needa post the pic of the woman who made all this possible.
she sleeps in any rides and it annoys me. cuz i can't do that. taxis make me giddy.
mum, you da (wo)man!
me looking positively evil but HEY LOOK WE MATCH; mother and daughter in holy greenfest matrimonial bliss.
mum made royal sweetness happen. mum made sure i didn't drop him like a hot potato at the sight of the first grammar mistake in his text message...
and look where i am now.
i am living proof that mothers' knows best.
i am crawling into love
listening to mush playlist.
just got off the phone with the royal sweetness.
he deserves the title. and also the title crappiest, lamest but funniest boy alive.
not the wittiest, but definitely... i don't know. definitely making me smile now.
he came he saw he conquered.
listening to mush playlist.
just got off the phone with the royal sweetness.
he deserves the title. and also the title crappiest, lamest but funniest boy alive.
not the wittiest, but definitely... i don't know. definitely making me smile now.
he came he saw he conquered.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
get out, right now, it's the end of you and me
today was green day. my green outfit was put to good use. :D i didn't go for ballet under the stars cuz erwin and my friends at singapore dance company said this installment is quite a bore. wait for the next one, likely in august. HOOKAY.
so mum me and the sister went out. first up our new place at woodlands to check out how the renovations is coming along. goodings goodings. i am excited. *claps excitedly*
because it was a green day first thing i drank today was slurpee green apple from 7- 11. with a green straw. nope, i don't hold back. when you have a GREEN PHETISH, YOU HAVE A GREEN PHETISH.
then town for lunch at magic wok. where i decided to do an impromptu photo shoot.
if you're smelly and you know it use beleaf, *clap clap*. :) beleaf by body shop, for all you girls and boys who smell funky.
then we went spotlight to look at curtains and cushions. such a homely day. then we shopped a lil' at john little where mum and the sis bought stuff. then when they were about to pay for their things, they saw the sweetest cardigan at the KID'S SECTION and MADE ME TRY IT and the saddest matter of it all is IT FITS. it's WHITE WITH PINK ROSES. and worse, the label is DISNEY PRINCESSES. CAN I DIE NOW? anyway the mum bought it for me cuz it makes me look like a girl (?) (like hello, mum, duh). and the sis then went on a crazy binge and started picking out more kid's clothes for me to try. will this madness ever stop? no, don't answer.
we shopped some more and then we made our way down to bugis for deserts. yes yes where else. say it together now people, WIS- MA- NGAN.
however you'll be happy to know that as of tonight, i will no longer crave to go there. why?
CUZ I ATE 3 LOPIS-ES. damn psycho can. THREE is ALOT of deserts okay.
and by the time ah seng served me my third lopis, he gave the dish to me and said, ""nah, ini untuk yang perkasa (here, this is for the 'strong' one)" in a very sweet gentle tone. idiot. haha.
when we arrived mum went to the counter to order our stuff and the auntie mimi who works there asked her where i was. and while this was happening i was at my table playing with 'j.lo's' "gun". no, not THAT gun. never mind la. long story. anyhoos i went over to the other side to salam the auntie and while walking towards my mum i told her mak jangan cakap dengan dia dia ade tembak! (mum don't talk to him he's got a gun.) of course this is not the subtlest mode of entry into a "scene" and this resulted in auntie mimi, mum, ah seng, another waitress and faidzal to all turn simultaneously to look at this rambling idiot. *winks* smooth fiza. reaaaaaal smooth.
anyhoos i went to mum, salam-ed the auntie and ah seng winked at faidzal and j.lo made faces and auntie mimi said, "hai, each time your anak dara (girl) come here all my bujangs (boys) tak tentu arah (become disoriented)."
sorry auntie! *beams* the only i care to disorient is ahem ahem. ahaha. no i didn't say that la. siao boh.
sat down and chat and laugh and ate. at one point auntie mimi came over and talked to mum... she's the sweetest 40- yr- old lady i swear. growing old gracefully. :)
gave faidzal the CD- Rom. :( his smile is so sweet. but today he was extremely busy and he only came to our table once to serve our drinks. nyeh.
however when we went over to pay for the stuff mum talked to him and apparently they have some event to cater for tomorrow hence he is busy as hell. poor dear. and mum says his fingers are all wrinkled cuz he has been helping the kitchen people with the washing. SWOOOOOOOOOOON. haha. swooning over him washing plates.NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL RETARDATION BABY!
anyway mum paid and me and the sis sat at nearby table. then when we were leaving i went to the counter to take the plastic of packed food and faidzal talked to me a lil'... (with sudden realization i recall ignoring him when he served our drinks. hahaha.)
anyway this time he told to send his regards to my stepdad. (asyik kirim salam je dia ni eh...) *raises eyebrows* worming your way into everyone in my family, ey? smart... hahaha. i will not say that was a terribly sweet gesture that won him many times. cuz you all know that already. nyahaha.
auntie mimi walked us out. she is the coolest mum. well second to mine la. haha. i am trying to stall for time. the next paragraph is gonnae be sick.
cuz he said bye... and this time on time. haha. auntie mimi was blocking us but we managed to sneak a glance and he said bye and he smiled and now my world is .......... heh heh heh. my world is happy.
he is the nicest boy. not smartest, not cutest, not hottest, but definitely nicest. oh so very nice. and i like nice boys.
train ride home. i burst out laughing after reading firr's text message on my phone: "hey i'm buying ben and jerry's now and guess what, they got your boyfriend's flavour."
WHAT?!!?!! yes...
OK THIS IS THE POINT WHERE FAIDZAL CALLS ME AND FIZA IS FLYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. blog later i love you i do.
today was green day. my green outfit was put to good use. :D i didn't go for ballet under the stars cuz erwin and my friends at singapore dance company said this installment is quite a bore. wait for the next one, likely in august. HOOKAY.
so mum me and the sister went out. first up our new place at woodlands to check out how the renovations is coming along. goodings goodings. i am excited. *claps excitedly*
because it was a green day first thing i drank today was slurpee green apple from 7- 11. with a green straw. nope, i don't hold back. when you have a GREEN PHETISH, YOU HAVE A GREEN PHETISH.
then town for lunch at magic wok. where i decided to do an impromptu photo shoot.
if you're smelly and you know it use beleaf, *clap clap*. :) beleaf by body shop, for all you girls and boys who smell funky.
then we went spotlight to look at curtains and cushions. such a homely day. then we shopped a lil' at john little where mum and the sis bought stuff. then when they were about to pay for their things, they saw the sweetest cardigan at the KID'S SECTION and MADE ME TRY IT and the saddest matter of it all is IT FITS. it's WHITE WITH PINK ROSES. and worse, the label is DISNEY PRINCESSES. CAN I DIE NOW? anyway the mum bought it for me cuz it makes me look like a girl (?) (like hello, mum, duh). and the sis then went on a crazy binge and started picking out more kid's clothes for me to try. will this madness ever stop? no, don't answer.
we shopped some more and then we made our way down to bugis for deserts. yes yes where else. say it together now people, WIS- MA- NGAN.
however you'll be happy to know that as of tonight, i will no longer crave to go there. why?
CUZ I ATE 3 LOPIS-ES. damn psycho can. THREE is ALOT of deserts okay.
and by the time ah seng served me my third lopis, he gave the dish to me and said, ""nah, ini untuk yang perkasa (here, this is for the 'strong' one)" in a very sweet gentle tone. idiot. haha.
when we arrived mum went to the counter to order our stuff and the auntie mimi who works there asked her where i was. and while this was happening i was at my table playing with 'j.lo's' "gun". no, not THAT gun. never mind la. long story. anyhoos i went over to the other side to salam the auntie and while walking towards my mum i told her mak jangan cakap dengan dia dia ade tembak! (mum don't talk to him he's got a gun.) of course this is not the subtlest mode of entry into a "scene" and this resulted in auntie mimi, mum, ah seng, another waitress and faidzal to all turn simultaneously to look at this rambling idiot. *winks* smooth fiza. reaaaaaal smooth.
anyhoos i went to mum, salam-ed the auntie and ah seng winked at faidzal and j.lo made faces and auntie mimi said, "hai, each time your anak dara (girl) come here all my bujangs (boys) tak tentu arah (become disoriented)."
sorry auntie! *beams* the only i care to disorient is ahem ahem. ahaha. no i didn't say that la. siao boh.
sat down and chat and laugh and ate. at one point auntie mimi came over and talked to mum... she's the sweetest 40- yr- old lady i swear. growing old gracefully. :)
gave faidzal the CD- Rom. :( his smile is so sweet. but today he was extremely busy and he only came to our table once to serve our drinks. nyeh.
however when we went over to pay for the stuff mum talked to him and apparently they have some event to cater for tomorrow hence he is busy as hell. poor dear. and mum says his fingers are all wrinkled cuz he has been helping the kitchen people with the washing. SWOOOOOOOOOOON. haha. swooning over him washing plates.NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL RETARDATION BABY!
anyway mum paid and me and the sis sat at nearby table. then when we were leaving i went to the counter to take the plastic of packed food and faidzal talked to me a lil'... (with sudden realization i recall ignoring him when he served our drinks. hahaha.)
anyway this time he told to send his regards to my stepdad. (asyik kirim salam je dia ni eh...) *raises eyebrows* worming your way into everyone in my family, ey? smart... hahaha. i will not say that was a terribly sweet gesture that won him many times. cuz you all know that already. nyahaha.
auntie mimi walked us out. she is the coolest mum. well second to mine la. haha. i am trying to stall for time. the next paragraph is gonnae be sick.
cuz he said bye... and this time on time. haha. auntie mimi was blocking us but we managed to sneak a glance and he said bye and he smiled and now my world is .......... heh heh heh. my world is happy.
he is the nicest boy. not smartest, not cutest, not hottest, but definitely nicest. oh so very nice. and i like nice boys.
train ride home. i burst out laughing after reading firr's text message on my phone: "hey i'm buying ben and jerry's now and guess what, they got your boyfriend's flavour."
WHAT?!!?!! yes...
OK THIS IS THE POINT WHERE FAIDZAL CALLS ME AND FIZA IS FLYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. blog later i love you i do.
i am having a COW right NOW cuz there was BALLET UNDER THE STARS from 8th April till tomorrow and i didn't know of it till NOW! now being 4.38 a.m.!
*cows cows cows*
however all is not lost. last show tonight, at 7.30 p.m. fort canning park, picnic, stars and ballet, anyone?
i'll be arsed to miss it. even if no one goes with me i will still go. so annoying. i can't believe i almost missed it. god.
*cows cows cows*
however all is not lost. last show tonight, at 7.30 p.m. fort canning park, picnic, stars and ballet, anyone?
i'll be arsed to miss it. even if no one goes with me i will still go. so annoying. i can't believe i almost missed it. god.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
that's alot of cucumbers
oh joy and glory and all things high and mighty blogger is working for me!
but that's cuz i am at HOME. meaning there's something wrong with my server at NUS. tsk.
i am at home cuz i decided that if i stayed at my dorm one second longer i will start talking to my soft toys. i've gone past talking to ceilings and walls.
on the bike ride back i drank coke. which is damn cool can. all these lorries and cars drive past and i lift my coke can up in acknowledgement, as if to say hail me the cool one riding a bike on a highway and sipping coke.
rode past my old estate at teban where my uncle still resides. and i recall that this uncle of mine is PARTICULARLY pious. so he is very anti- jewish/ yahudis (that's ya- who- dee). :D so there was one day i was sleeping over and me and my cousins were watching TV and it was some music awards show. and madonna received an award and my uncle started frantically pointing at the screen going DIA NI YAHUDI NI! YAHUDI! (she's a jew! a jew!) so we went uhhh ok and changed the channel. and OF COURSE it was a music video of KYLIE MINOGUE and he went AHHHH DIA NI PUN YAHUDI (ahh she's a jew too!) in a very, oddly enough, triumphant tone. so we again accomodated him and changed the channel. it was some religious talk show (must be malaysian channel) so he was happy and 5 minutes later we young ones trudged to the room and played X- Box.
the next day, the TV combusted. like it just POOF BZZT BZZT and gone. and i said, "too many yahudis inside la."
so yes another interesting snippet of family life for you. :)
last night after my midnight jaunt with the mum i stayed up to type essays and prepare for my presentation which was at 10 a.m. this morning. so i was up the whole night and at 8 a.m i was in school and in 2 hours, i said i want to kill myself at least 8 times. and at one point i was so stoned while the rest of my group was talking sense, i kept stony silence and suddenly said, "that's alot of cucumbers." i don't really know what i meant.
presentation went surprisingly well despite my stoned sleepiness. and immediately after that i went for lunch with zat then we crashed into our rooms. where i slept till 9 p.m. phwoar, i know. i think i got tanned (those who know, knows. those who don't, read archives. muacks muacks.)
a few people called and messaged me while i was asleep. all i recall was picking up the phone each time it rang and said, "hi i''m sleeping k? bye..." haha. i bet some thought it was an answering machine.
on the ride back i realized that i don't like to look at people in the eye. how i came to this on a bike ride? don't ask.
based on my very vague memories, i don't ever recall looking at my exes in the eye and telling them "i love you." even now the thought of it scares me. haha.
and since i can't actually call them up* to ask and ascertain this, i will assume that i got problems with making eye contact.
*many of you would know why but those who don't... i can't call them up and go hey do you remember if i ever looked at you in the eye and say i love you to you? they will say you dumped me 6mths/ 3yrs/ 2yrs/ 5yrs ago because i was too short/ too tall/ too dumb/ too stupid/ too slow/ too immature and NOW you want me to recall if you bloody looked at me in the eye and tell me you LOVE me??!?! how the fuck should i know and why in the name of blooming hell would i care to REMEMBER?!?! see? ahhhhhhhhhh. *lightbulbs* so cannot. (actually this is very fake. cuz i doubt any of exes actually have that strong a grasp on english. yea woe betide me. oh except hafiz lim la. hahaha. not just cuz he might read this hor.)
and i think it's true. cuz even with random people i don't make it a point to look at them in the eye. or is this a common phenomenon? ah well.
i just think it's damn sad that i won't be able to look at my future lover in the eye and tell him i love him or i miss him or whatever. so sad. if i ever get attached again, i will make him read this entry. dear future boyfriend, i am so sorry i cannot look at you in the eye and tell you i love you. but if you actually succeeded in having me say i love you to you in the first place (albeit without eye contact), be assured that i meant it. just paisey to look at you k?
gone la think too far liao.
lonely road, take me home, to the place, i belong, west of singaporeeeee, there's my momma, take me home, lonely road.
-Adaptation of Country Roads (West Virginia)
i will be posting the entry on diaryland here so for those who haven't gone there, don't bother. :)
i have a green outfit set for tomorrow. unfortunately, no dates. why? cuz i stopped dating. damn smart ah.
oh joy and glory and all things high and mighty blogger is working for me!
but that's cuz i am at HOME. meaning there's something wrong with my server at NUS. tsk.
i am at home cuz i decided that if i stayed at my dorm one second longer i will start talking to my soft toys. i've gone past talking to ceilings and walls.
on the bike ride back i drank coke. which is damn cool can. all these lorries and cars drive past and i lift my coke can up in acknowledgement, as if to say hail me the cool one riding a bike on a highway and sipping coke.
rode past my old estate at teban where my uncle still resides. and i recall that this uncle of mine is PARTICULARLY pious. so he is very anti- jewish/ yahudis (that's ya- who- dee). :D so there was one day i was sleeping over and me and my cousins were watching TV and it was some music awards show. and madonna received an award and my uncle started frantically pointing at the screen going DIA NI YAHUDI NI! YAHUDI! (she's a jew! a jew!) so we went uhhh ok and changed the channel. and OF COURSE it was a music video of KYLIE MINOGUE and he went AHHHH DIA NI PUN YAHUDI (ahh she's a jew too!) in a very, oddly enough, triumphant tone. so we again accomodated him and changed the channel. it was some religious talk show (must be malaysian channel) so he was happy and 5 minutes later we young ones trudged to the room and played X- Box.
the next day, the TV combusted. like it just POOF BZZT BZZT and gone. and i said, "too many yahudis inside la."
so yes another interesting snippet of family life for you. :)
last night after my midnight jaunt with the mum i stayed up to type essays and prepare for my presentation which was at 10 a.m. this morning. so i was up the whole night and at 8 a.m i was in school and in 2 hours, i said i want to kill myself at least 8 times. and at one point i was so stoned while the rest of my group was talking sense, i kept stony silence and suddenly said, "that's alot of cucumbers." i don't really know what i meant.
presentation went surprisingly well despite my stoned sleepiness. and immediately after that i went for lunch with zat then we crashed into our rooms. where i slept till 9 p.m. phwoar, i know. i think i got tanned (those who know, knows. those who don't, read archives. muacks muacks.)
a few people called and messaged me while i was asleep. all i recall was picking up the phone each time it rang and said, "hi i''m sleeping k? bye..." haha. i bet some thought it was an answering machine.
on the ride back i realized that i don't like to look at people in the eye. how i came to this on a bike ride? don't ask.
based on my very vague memories, i don't ever recall looking at my exes in the eye and telling them "i love you." even now the thought of it scares me. haha.
and since i can't actually call them up* to ask and ascertain this, i will assume that i got problems with making eye contact.
*many of you would know why but those who don't... i can't call them up and go hey do you remember if i ever looked at you in the eye and say i love you to you? they will say you dumped me 6mths/ 3yrs/ 2yrs/ 5yrs ago because i was too short/ too tall/ too dumb/ too stupid/ too slow/ too immature and NOW you want me to recall if you bloody looked at me in the eye and tell me you LOVE me??!?! how the fuck should i know and why in the name of blooming hell would i care to REMEMBER?!?! see? ahhhhhhhhhh. *lightbulbs* so cannot. (actually this is very fake. cuz i doubt any of exes actually have that strong a grasp on english. yea woe betide me. oh except hafiz lim la. hahaha. not just cuz he might read this hor.)
and i think it's true. cuz even with random people i don't make it a point to look at them in the eye. or is this a common phenomenon? ah well.
i just think it's damn sad that i won't be able to look at my future lover in the eye and tell him i love him or i miss him or whatever. so sad. if i ever get attached again, i will make him read this entry. dear future boyfriend, i am so sorry i cannot look at you in the eye and tell you i love you. but if you actually succeeded in having me say i love you to you in the first place (albeit without eye contact), be assured that i meant it. just paisey to look at you k?
gone la think too far liao.
lonely road, take me home, to the place, i belong, west of singaporeeeee, there's my momma, take me home, lonely road.
-Adaptation of Country Roads (West Virginia)
i will be posting the entry on diaryland here so for those who haven't gone there, don't bother. :)
i have a green outfit set for tomorrow. unfortunately, no dates. why? cuz i stopped dating. damn smart ah.
Friday, April 08, 2005
oh yes munchkins, here are the (very stupid) pics from friday night out with the mum.
21- second boredom killer.
our feet.
alahainess. a very poor weak and comic attempt at looking like a shy- kampung girl of heydays. i just look like a bapok/ tranvestite trying to cover her yellow teeth. it's ok laugh all you want. mum and me almost rolled into the river (in LAUGHTER, we weren't wrestling).
ok la some decent shots of scenery, an attempt at being an arty- farty photographer like everyone else tries to be on blogger, diaryland, LJ and whatnots.
oh ya one more thing.
small mehhhhh. people seem to think it's damn amusing that i wear size 3 shoes. i think ok lei. normal what. ok and now all of you are going to start laughing at my poor dwarfed deformed foot.
sigh. why do i go on.
hey ho with a heidi low
taking a break. been reading and typing alternately from 4 a.m. no essays finished still but at least i have some progress made on ALL so HAH.
*whines* has it been 5 days already??? i want to go wismangan. i miss that smile. but i cannot break my self- vow. 5 days is 5 days. unless of course someone DRAGS me by the HAIR to bugis then oh MY i really have NO CHOICE but to go, right?
poot poot poot. i got lovely friends. yc, my cup size is triple F. nyahaha. dizzie, your man- radar ith weakening. thou art overtaken by my might. i am zee mighty one! ok fiza. SHUT.UP.NOW.
to decide for certain if i have become a full- blown girl or not, let me share you a bit of info. i have a new playlist on my iTunes. now beside Melayus (a grand total of 36 tracks, applause please thank you), Punk Covers (nothing like listening to a messed- up version of you are my sunshine, my only SUNSHINEEEEEEEEEEEE), Rawk, Punk Ori, Oldies Smouldies, Beatles, Teeny Bopper Shite, i have MUSH. MWAHAHAHA. I HAVE A MUSH PLAYLIST THAT HAS 88 SONGS MWAHAHAHAHA YOU SUCKERS I AM A GIRL.
umm i hope i am not alone in deriving joy from the above statement. :D let me share you some of the songs on this MUSH playlist (AND GOD! WHAT A NAME! MUSH!). we have here Elvis Presley- Are You Lonesome Tonight?, Walk like an Angel, Damien Rice- Blower's Daughter, Cannonball, Amie, Shania Twain (that is mush in itself), Firehouse- Love of a Lifetime, Cake- Sad Song and Waltzes, The Darkness- I Believe in a Thing Called Love, John Mayer- Comfortable** (highly recommended, from miss anti- mush herself okay!), Marc Anthony, The Platters, Muse, Smashmouth, Richard Marx who must be like GOD of mush or something, and of course my dearly beloved Peter Gabriel's Book of Love. awwwwwwwwwwww now sob sob this paragraph alone is enough to give me goosebumps.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS. mum called. we are going furniture window- shopping but HOR first must EAT right so GUESS WHERE we are eating? nyahahahahaha. so she is not dragging me by the hair but she is my mum mah. must respect her wishes. so if she wants to go eat at wismangan, who am i to argue? no one. i am just the obedient, innocent, beguiling daughter. :D:D:D:D
mush playlist now sings, "i'm groing crazy crazy crazy crazy just thinking about you lately..." hah. YOU THINK.
i take this as a well- deserved break for mugging/ typing for almost 12 hours straight. i DESERVE to see the smile of an angel, don't you think? ;)
i am making all of you sick. oh happiness.
p.s. to make up for this very sickening entry, i will deliver a love message. how does that make- up for it, you ask?
aaw.
well, the message was written in a toilet.
i felt sorry for the girl who wrote it cuz my DEAR GIRL HOW in the name of all things good and holy is BOB (whoever he is) going to see your lovelorn, pining, neat and well- written (grammatically correct! i like! toilet vandalism usually kills me with its spelling and grammar) love message considering it is in the FEMALE toilet (i won't bother pointing out that it is the female toilet of BK Far East Plaza since that further enhances the obscurity of this message but OOPS i just did)? so i shall do you a favour, and post it on my blog k. and hopefully bob, or the friend of bob, or even fana herself, sees this. and bob if you see this, SOB. SHE MISSES YOU LA. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT CAN?! and bob's friends, please deliver this message to her. and Fana, if it wasn't you who wrote this, don't despair for at least you have caring, well- meaning (albeit silly) friends. and if it was you, you can thank me (i accept cheque, cash and credit!) for helping you make sure BOB gets the message.
i feel a bit lost all of a sudden. am i helping bob or fana or the person who wrote it (not necessarily fana)?
never mind.
-----------------------------------------------------------
can i talk on and on about faidzal tonight can i can i can i??? :D:D:D
so we went wismangan. me and mum. but sobs, he wasn't there. the nice hardworking one was at school! yes sometimes i forget he takes a private degree. so we ate. but i was sad he wasn't there. i miss his smile. boo.
BUT. someone must have 'reported' to him my presence cuz he called! :D:D:D unfortunately, being the donkey that i am i didn't hear the call so he called mum instead. "you and your daughter at my shop eh?" "ehhh... how you know?" "hehe i assumed la..." "oh ok... ya we just had dinner... want to join us for coffee?" "oh sorry i am still having class... break time now (AND HE CALLED US! WHOOPEE!)." "ah... ok la another time then..." "ya... umm can i speak to your daughter?"
-_- cue for beaming mum to hand over phone to me. chatted a little (PLEASE LET ME GUSH THAT HE SOUNDS JUST AS SWEET IF NOT SWEETER OVER THE PHONE) and he asked if the macromedia is 7 or 10 cuz he needs the one with freehand drawing or summat. i told him i'll check around and he kept thanking me profusely even though i warned him i can't be sure if i can get it. he seemed so grateful i might as well have bought him a ford focus. sigh.
then i was happy to have my dosage of the royal sweetness so me and mum went a- shopping and then we decided to watch the wedding date; debra messing and dermot mulroney. i see him as potentially the next rich gere. we shall see. movie was light and fluffy and all happy candy romance. lalala. i liked it. simple light watching.
post- movie. "1 message received." *triple heartbeat* and the royal sweetness, had just, messaged me, a SMILEY. yes. just one SMILEY. ;P. hahaha. and since i am am biased i shall be biased and proclaim that ohsocute. (hana! c- word! gasp!)
i shall not sicken all of you by writing down word- for- word what the reply was and what the next hundred messages was about. just know that he offered to give me and mum a ride back (which i refused cuz he was eating at adam road and we were at bugis) and he said, "maybe one day i date you all out k?" which i thought was terribly sweet and funny. dating me and mum. :) i think that is very sweet. i like that he accepts my closeness to my mum. in fact i think he embraces it cuz he knows my mum likes him and hence it makes it easier for him. *raises eyebrows*
he has taken to calling ME sweetie (hello, you got our roles reversed) and at one point when he sent me the 111th message that referred to me as sweetie i told my mum, "alamak dia ni sweetie- sweetie kang cair nanti... baru tau..." (tsk, this boy. keep calling me sweetie wait i melt then he know.)
which is a big fat huge lie cuz i was already melted la. :)))))))))) hehehe.
over the many text messaging i realized that yes, his english is really not fantastic. and he is rather malay- ish, what with the mamam and cutting short of words (lik= balik, angun= bangun) but i know it is not an attempt at being CUTE ala mats (but i could be biased) so i let it pass.
he has almost all the imperfections i couldn't bear with in the past but when i put it together with everything ELSE that he is, i don't see why i should not go on getting to know him better. maybe he's in luck that i am at a wiser period of time in my life whereby i learn to accept people and their flaws because no one's perfect. or maybe his sincerity and genuine kindness has won me over and when you have such qualities, trivial, menial details like spelling and phrases shouldn't bother much.
that said however i do wish to slowly infiltrate his mind and stop him from typing shortcuts such as those aforementioned cuz though small these small things have been known to built up to a great annoyance in my case. case study 1- *W. he was all fine and dandy but one day i just couldn't take it anymore and dumped him cuz his spelling mistakes and grammar was just ATROCIOUS. not like i am perfect la but there just is a certain level that i cannot compromise. he was below it. case study 2- *H. sweet to the point of diabetes and toothaches and gave me more roses than a florist sees in a day but i eventually left cuz i couldn't bear his weak personality and the lack of communication and witty banter between us. enough said.
i am NOT trying to change him. sheesh i sound like i am attached already see la! no i just HOPE to improvise him. haha. ok i am mean. tsk. wah lao it's not a BAD thing right making one stop saying alik and mamam and agi and angun? nyeh. if it's for the good and benefit of the future, i say no harm done.
so back to my day. hahaha. after movie me and mum went to raffles, sat by the river, ate chips and sing songs. i got bored and took pictures of the shawl wrapped around my head. which killed boredom for like, 21 seconds. then we drank lemon tea and sang old songs by sanisah huri, francesca peters, uji rashid. yes i know these songs. and the beauty of it all is across the river there's clubs blasting hip- hop, with kids my age wandering in and out. and i am hanging out with my mum singing malay songs from the 70s. we rock la dei.
we talked about life and death. and love and fate. about sand between toes. about many many things.
took a cab back to dorm and she went on home. i miss home la. but there's too much work at hand. can't afford to go home where i will watch too much tv and slack like a pig (like MORE than i do here).
many have requested a pictorial evidence for the existence of such royal sweetness. patience my child. wait i marry him i invite all of you, ok? hahahaha.
ok no la. i have yet to go out with him alone, how to take pic? unless i do it while he's working and that is so paparazzi- ish and just damn wrong can. bah.
when is it too soon to fall?
taking a break. been reading and typing alternately from 4 a.m. no essays finished still but at least i have some progress made on ALL so HAH.
*whines* has it been 5 days already??? i want to go wismangan. i miss that smile. but i cannot break my self- vow. 5 days is 5 days. unless of course someone DRAGS me by the HAIR to bugis then oh MY i really have NO CHOICE but to go, right?
poot poot poot. i got lovely friends. yc, my cup size is triple F. nyahaha. dizzie, your man- radar ith weakening. thou art overtaken by my might. i am zee mighty one! ok fiza. SHUT.UP.NOW.
to decide for certain if i have become a full- blown girl or not, let me share you a bit of info. i have a new playlist on my iTunes. now beside Melayus (a grand total of 36 tracks, applause please thank you), Punk Covers (nothing like listening to a messed- up version of you are my sunshine, my only SUNSHINEEEEEEEEEEEE), Rawk, Punk Ori, Oldies Smouldies, Beatles, Teeny Bopper Shite, i have MUSH. MWAHAHAHA. I HAVE A MUSH PLAYLIST THAT HAS 88 SONGS MWAHAHAHAHA YOU SUCKERS I AM A GIRL.
umm i hope i am not alone in deriving joy from the above statement. :D let me share you some of the songs on this MUSH playlist (AND GOD! WHAT A NAME! MUSH!). we have here Elvis Presley- Are You Lonesome Tonight?, Walk like an Angel, Damien Rice- Blower's Daughter, Cannonball, Amie, Shania Twain (that is mush in itself), Firehouse- Love of a Lifetime, Cake- Sad Song and Waltzes, The Darkness- I Believe in a Thing Called Love, John Mayer- Comfortable** (highly recommended, from miss anti- mush herself okay!), Marc Anthony, The Platters, Muse, Smashmouth, Richard Marx who must be like GOD of mush or something, and of course my dearly beloved Peter Gabriel's Book of Love. awwwwwwwwwwww now sob sob this paragraph alone is enough to give me goosebumps.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS. mum called. we are going furniture window- shopping but HOR first must EAT right so GUESS WHERE we are eating? nyahahahahaha. so she is not dragging me by the hair but she is my mum mah. must respect her wishes. so if she wants to go eat at wismangan, who am i to argue? no one. i am just the obedient, innocent, beguiling daughter. :D:D:D:D
mush playlist now sings, "i'm groing crazy crazy crazy crazy just thinking about you lately..." hah. YOU THINK.
i take this as a well- deserved break for mugging/ typing for almost 12 hours straight. i DESERVE to see the smile of an angel, don't you think? ;)
i am making all of you sick. oh happiness.
p.s. to make up for this very sickening entry, i will deliver a love message. how does that make- up for it, you ask?
aaw.
well, the message was written in a toilet.
i felt sorry for the girl who wrote it cuz my DEAR GIRL HOW in the name of all things good and holy is BOB (whoever he is) going to see your lovelorn, pining, neat and well- written (grammatically correct! i like! toilet vandalism usually kills me with its spelling and grammar) love message considering it is in the FEMALE toilet (i won't bother pointing out that it is the female toilet of BK Far East Plaza since that further enhances the obscurity of this message but OOPS i just did)? so i shall do you a favour, and post it on my blog k. and hopefully bob, or the friend of bob, or even fana herself, sees this. and bob if you see this, SOB. SHE MISSES YOU LA. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT CAN?! and bob's friends, please deliver this message to her. and Fana, if it wasn't you who wrote this, don't despair for at least you have caring, well- meaning (albeit silly) friends. and if it was you, you can thank me (i accept cheque, cash and credit!) for helping you make sure BOB gets the message.
i feel a bit lost all of a sudden. am i helping bob or fana or the person who wrote it (not necessarily fana)?
never mind.
-----------------------------------------------------------
can i talk on and on about faidzal tonight can i can i can i??? :D:D:D
so we went wismangan. me and mum. but sobs, he wasn't there. the nice hardworking one was at school! yes sometimes i forget he takes a private degree. so we ate. but i was sad he wasn't there. i miss his smile. boo.
BUT. someone must have 'reported' to him my presence cuz he called! :D:D:D unfortunately, being the donkey that i am i didn't hear the call so he called mum instead. "you and your daughter at my shop eh?" "ehhh... how you know?" "hehe i assumed la..." "oh ok... ya we just had dinner... want to join us for coffee?" "oh sorry i am still having class... break time now (AND HE CALLED US! WHOOPEE!)." "ah... ok la another time then..." "ya... umm can i speak to your daughter?"
-_- cue for beaming mum to hand over phone to me. chatted a little (PLEASE LET ME GUSH THAT HE SOUNDS JUST AS SWEET IF NOT SWEETER OVER THE PHONE) and he asked if the macromedia is 7 or 10 cuz he needs the one with freehand drawing or summat. i told him i'll check around and he kept thanking me profusely even though i warned him i can't be sure if i can get it. he seemed so grateful i might as well have bought him a ford focus. sigh.
then i was happy to have my dosage of the royal sweetness so me and mum went a- shopping and then we decided to watch the wedding date; debra messing and dermot mulroney. i see him as potentially the next rich gere. we shall see. movie was light and fluffy and all happy candy romance. lalala. i liked it. simple light watching.
post- movie. "1 message received." *triple heartbeat* and the royal sweetness, had just, messaged me, a SMILEY. yes. just one SMILEY. ;P. hahaha. and since i am am biased i shall be biased and proclaim that ohsocute. (hana! c- word! gasp!)
i shall not sicken all of you by writing down word- for- word what the reply was and what the next hundred messages was about. just know that he offered to give me and mum a ride back (which i refused cuz he was eating at adam road and we were at bugis) and he said, "maybe one day i date you all out k?" which i thought was terribly sweet and funny. dating me and mum. :) i think that is very sweet. i like that he accepts my closeness to my mum. in fact i think he embraces it cuz he knows my mum likes him and hence it makes it easier for him. *raises eyebrows*
he has taken to calling ME sweetie (hello, you got our roles reversed) and at one point when he sent me the 111th message that referred to me as sweetie i told my mum, "alamak dia ni sweetie- sweetie kang cair nanti... baru tau..." (tsk, this boy. keep calling me sweetie wait i melt then he know.)
which is a big fat huge lie cuz i was already melted la. :)))))))))) hehehe.
over the many text messaging i realized that yes, his english is really not fantastic. and he is rather malay- ish, what with the mamam and cutting short of words (lik= balik, angun= bangun) but i know it is not an attempt at being CUTE ala mats (but i could be biased) so i let it pass.
he has almost all the imperfections i couldn't bear with in the past but when i put it together with everything ELSE that he is, i don't see why i should not go on getting to know him better. maybe he's in luck that i am at a wiser period of time in my life whereby i learn to accept people and their flaws because no one's perfect. or maybe his sincerity and genuine kindness has won me over and when you have such qualities, trivial, menial details like spelling and phrases shouldn't bother much.
that said however i do wish to slowly infiltrate his mind and stop him from typing shortcuts such as those aforementioned cuz though small these small things have been known to built up to a great annoyance in my case. case study 1- *W. he was all fine and dandy but one day i just couldn't take it anymore and dumped him cuz his spelling mistakes and grammar was just ATROCIOUS. not like i am perfect la but there just is a certain level that i cannot compromise. he was below it. case study 2- *H. sweet to the point of diabetes and toothaches and gave me more roses than a florist sees in a day but i eventually left cuz i couldn't bear his weak personality and the lack of communication and witty banter between us. enough said.
i am NOT trying to change him. sheesh i sound like i am attached already see la! no i just HOPE to improvise him. haha. ok i am mean. tsk. wah lao it's not a BAD thing right making one stop saying alik and mamam and agi and angun? nyeh. if it's for the good and benefit of the future, i say no harm done.
so back to my day. hahaha. after movie me and mum went to raffles, sat by the river, ate chips and sing songs. i got bored and took pictures of the shawl wrapped around my head. which killed boredom for like, 21 seconds. then we drank lemon tea and sang old songs by sanisah huri, francesca peters, uji rashid. yes i know these songs. and the beauty of it all is across the river there's clubs blasting hip- hop, with kids my age wandering in and out. and i am hanging out with my mum singing malay songs from the 70s. we rock la dei.
we talked about life and death. and love and fate. about sand between toes. about many many things.
took a cab back to dorm and she went on home. i miss home la. but there's too much work at hand. can't afford to go home where i will watch too much tv and slack like a pig (like MORE than i do here).
many have requested a pictorial evidence for the existence of such royal sweetness. patience my child. wait i marry him i invite all of you, ok? hahahaha.
ok no la. i have yet to go out with him alone, how to take pic? unless i do it while he's working and that is so paparazzi- ish and just damn wrong can. bah.
when is it too soon to fall?
Thursday, April 07, 2005
it's been a really nice long albeit tiring day hence i shall speak little here and divulge more tomorrow. (OH AND HI ZILA! sorry la i didn't see you. was so engrossed in my book. shucks. you must have seen me grinning to myself. aiyeeeer.)
anyhoos met mum for dinner at causeway. happy happy happy. she thinks i'm getting married.
projects are slowly but surely clearing just the same i am sleeping NOW and waking up at 2 a.m. later to clear my many many overdue essays.
i am very inspired by this can?!?!
that said of course i won't push this any further la cuz 1- i am too sleepy, and 2- exams are coming. doesn't make sense? good. cuz that's the very essence of this blog. nothing makes sense.
today i discovered that i only eat posh peanuts. one of them being pistachio. not because they're green la. but i like them cuz they're not oily? and they look good. yes i like good- looking things, peanuts included. oh fiza so shallow! oh you- idiot- in- denial, shut up.
yesterday my bedside lamp, the one erwin got me from phuket, EXPLODED. like pom terbabo. i looked down (it is on the floor mah) and the lampshade that is made of paper smelt slightly burnt and soon my whole room smelt of burnt something. not paper la. then i lifted the shade (EFFORT!) and saw that the bulb was in smitherins. i was in awe of this beautiful mess of glass shards for awhile but then i decided i need to go back to sleep (COLD BREEZE! MAKE FULL USE OF THE WONDERFUL COLD BREEZE!) so i slid the whole mess under my bed and HEY!
out of sight, out of mind. :)
now good night my lovelies, i will be back. with more peanuts.
anyhoos met mum for dinner at causeway. happy happy happy. she thinks i'm getting married.
projects are slowly but surely clearing just the same i am sleeping NOW and waking up at 2 a.m. later to clear my many many overdue essays.
i am very inspired by this can?!?!
that said of course i won't push this any further la cuz 1- i am too sleepy, and 2- exams are coming. doesn't make sense? good. cuz that's the very essence of this blog. nothing makes sense.
today i discovered that i only eat posh peanuts. one of them being pistachio. not because they're green la. but i like them cuz they're not oily? and they look good. yes i like good- looking things, peanuts included. oh fiza so shallow! oh you- idiot- in- denial, shut up.
yesterday my bedside lamp, the one erwin got me from phuket, EXPLODED. like pom terbabo. i looked down (it is on the floor mah) and the lampshade that is made of paper smelt slightly burnt and soon my whole room smelt of burnt something. not paper la. then i lifted the shade (EFFORT!) and saw that the bulb was in smitherins. i was in awe of this beautiful mess of glass shards for awhile but then i decided i need to go back to sleep (COLD BREEZE! MAKE FULL USE OF THE WONDERFUL COLD BREEZE!) so i slid the whole mess under my bed and HEY!
out of sight, out of mind. :)
now good night my lovelies, i will be back. with more peanuts.
i feel like a horrible daughter. i can't remember how old my dad would be. i just can't. it's not coming. but i refuse to go all emo- punk on this fact cuz if ayah was still here i would remember and i would bake a cake, buy him a nice gift and me him and mum would all go out for a nice dinner which would be on him anyway. as always. maybe if he was still here we mighta go wismangan? :)
at the risk of sounding totally blasphemous, i wonder if he 'reads' this. ok venturing into warped and wrong territories.
i will be dropping you extra prayers tonight. ignore that very bad use of language can. i am not very pious i know. but just... pray for him ya? my dad was a very great kind man and if he was still around he would think my blog is very very funny too. :)
god bless this day when you were born and allowed you to later become my dad. you were the greatest dad ever. and as long as i live you would be the only ayah in my life.
i know you're up there watching me and sometimes that scares me cuz there are some things i wish i could hide from you. but i guess you see every bit of it, right down to the ugliest details. i can only pray and hope that you forgive it and know that i always always always love you with all my heart and soul more than i could ever admit to myself and you. fi sayang ayah.
now happy birthday my dear father, wherever you are. :) i love you.
at the risk of sounding totally blasphemous, i wonder if he 'reads' this. ok venturing into warped and wrong territories.
i will be dropping you extra prayers tonight. ignore that very bad use of language can. i am not very pious i know. but just... pray for him ya? my dad was a very great kind man and if he was still around he would think my blog is very very funny too. :)
god bless this day when you were born and allowed you to later become my dad. you were the greatest dad ever. and as long as i live you would be the only ayah in my life.
i know you're up there watching me and sometimes that scares me cuz there are some things i wish i could hide from you. but i guess you see every bit of it, right down to the ugliest details. i can only pray and hope that you forgive it and know that i always always always love you with all my heart and soul more than i could ever admit to myself and you. fi sayang ayah.
now happy birthday my dear father, wherever you are. :) i love you.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
squeal squeal jump jump bounce fly fly float
"hi fiz! faidzal here. thanks for getting the software. i appreciate it alot! meet you someday cuz me very the busy you know...anyway take care, enjoy your day. put on your sweater cuz it's raining might catch a cold. ;p"
....... ok humanoids one and all i am a happy person. UNDERSTAND. DAMN BLOODY FLOATING LALALA OHMYGOD HAPPY BEYOND HAPPY.
*bounce bounce bounce*
"hi fiz! faidzal here. thanks for getting the software. i appreciate it alot! meet you someday cuz me very the busy you know...anyway take care, enjoy your day. put on your sweater cuz it's raining might catch a cold. ;p"
....... ok humanoids one and all i am a happy person. UNDERSTAND. DAMN BLOODY FLOATING LALALA OHMYGOD HAPPY BEYOND HAPPY.
*bounce bounce bounce*
currently in chatterbox, doing southeast asian project. many many pics and cut- outs, lots of messing around with glue and scissors. fun! like primary school project like that.
joyce just told me that my blog amuses her (curtseys, why thank you!) and that i should just marry faidzal. ^_- uh- huh...
woke up at 12 when dizzie called. he was already at my basement carpark with the geog practical stuff. so i groggily brushed my teeth and put on pajamas pants.
but WHOOPS! i forgot to wear a BRA!
this doesn't matter much la except for the fact that there were a bunch of boys doing laundry (laundry room is at the basement) and when i came out from the lift they actually stopped walking. i thought nothing of it and walked on to meet dizzie at the carpark. while walking towards his car two indian men were walking in my direction and their eyes seemed focussed in one direction. again, i thought nothing of it. talked to diz, laughed, fall asleep on his car's bonnet for a bit then walked back. then while i was in the elevator i looked at my reflection and BANG it hit me. white top, no bra. GONE.
sigh. early noon madness. and now i realize that by blogging i've probably imparted some very discriminatory, potential- blackmail material into the world wide web. hooo wheeeee.
i got the macromedia program from dizzie already. now toexecute uhh to pass it to him la. lalalala. it's raining. wet wet day. lalalalala.
lalalalalala.
joyce just told me that my blog amuses her (curtseys, why thank you!) and that i should just marry faidzal. ^_- uh- huh...
woke up at 12 when dizzie called. he was already at my basement carpark with the geog practical stuff. so i groggily brushed my teeth and put on pajamas pants.
but WHOOPS! i forgot to wear a BRA!
this doesn't matter much la except for the fact that there were a bunch of boys doing laundry (laundry room is at the basement) and when i came out from the lift they actually stopped walking. i thought nothing of it and walked on to meet dizzie at the carpark. while walking towards his car two indian men were walking in my direction and their eyes seemed focussed in one direction. again, i thought nothing of it. talked to diz, laughed, fall asleep on his car's bonnet for a bit then walked back. then while i was in the elevator i looked at my reflection and BANG it hit me. white top, no bra. GONE.
sigh. early noon madness. and now i realize that by blogging i've probably imparted some very discriminatory, potential- blackmail material into the world wide web. hooo wheeeee.
i got the macromedia program from dizzie already. now to
lalalalalala.
i'll take my chance with a beautiful stranger
i feel much better after meeting mum. today was mighty depressing. i woke up hell bent on quitting school. i scared even myself. cuz being obssesive- compulsive, i had a high potential of just quitting school there and then. must curb this spontaneity of mine.
i went for the project meetings i needed to go for and spent some time with dear dizzie. thank you. actually it helped alot more than you think it did. but still anjat boboi is a damn annoying phrase so please stop it.
in his car when he drove me and mutalib to the train station, the bloody blasted radio HAD to play britney's you drive me crazy. the song literally works that way. i was dying to leave the car. haha.
met mum at bugis which of course inevitably leads to us sitting down at wismangan and talking. at one point of time i just cried (FIZA CRIED IN PUBLIC WOOHOO DEI GO BUY 4D! CONFIRM 1ST PRIZE!) and told her that it gets tiring to keep fighting when you lose sight of what you're fighting for. and sometimes it's hard to keep fighting for someone whom you can't see, feel nor touch anymore. talked it out with her and she said what dizzie sometimes tell me too. to just let it out. let it go. but it's just hard. i hate crying and being mopey whiney cuz it makes me feel weak. and of course, this is the cue for dizzie to go, fiza, humans are weak. and you are bloody human. yes my baby i hear you.
mum said something unexpected today. she said that despite her belief that i am strong and independent and fully capable of being happy and satisfied with life all alone, she knows that at the end of the day we all need someone, and it will do me no harm to just admit this to myself. she said drop the alone is power, solo is strength front and just break down for a while and admit that yes, i am all that but having someone by my side will make all the hardships seem easier.
"fi... people are not going to laugh at you if you just admit you do need people. no one is going to mock you for being weak because you need and want someone to love. cuz everyone's like that. you cannot fight human nature."
and of course i cannot argue back cuz cannot fight human nature mah.
so ok lor. i wil admit it. that although i am superwoman (or at least i believe myself to be that) i do need and want someone to love. ok? ok. now all happy.
i felt much better after talking to mum. maybe this dorm thing is not affecting her alone. maybe deep inside this staying alone thing is not all that good for me too. cuz then it allows me to be alone more often than not. i miss coming back to a HOME. i think if at the end of a horrid school day returning to a home with mum there will make the day less depressing.
and of COURSE there is faidzal who always make my day just by smiling. :) today he paid for me and mum's dinner and this resulted in a 30- second long argument between mum and him. basically along the lines of "you shouldn't have la!" "it's ok la really." "but no you shouldn't have!" over and over again. i thought it was hilarious that she was scolding him. i mean ya he has treated us a lil' wee bit too oftenly but to SCOLD him for it was just plain funny. he claimed it to be a birthday treat, since it was his birthday 2 days back. -_- and i thought wah lao then like that every time come here also you can come up with an excuse to pay for our meals... 2 days later birthday treat also can ah? gone dei whack.
and then he messaged my mum a smiley face. on the phone. YES. and my mum REPLIED. chiding him again about the meal and how he shouldn't have. he said it was his pleasure. and i just thought it was darn WHACKED that this boy is in the SAME PERIMETERS of me and mum and they had to resort to messaging each other. a scary thought- maybe he has a thing for my mum! ok scary thought must go away. shoo shoo.
anyway he asked me and mum where ACS Barker was again, and i of course, had no answers. he so cutely asked if the school has a carpark. i just burst out laughing. of course have right! haha. and walla. he is MEETING MY MUM EARLIER ON THE DAY OF MY MUSICAL TO DRIVE HER THERE.NABEIIIII I WANT TO BE DRIVEN TO MY MUSICAL TOO CANNNNNN.
but that point aside let's all jump for joy; WHEE HE DRIVES! haha. this is a big plus point on me and mum's books cuz we got this damn konok mindset that boys who drives are markedly responsible and mature cuz or else 1- their parents won't let them near the wheels or 2- they won't be able to finance their own car.
i assume faidzal drives his dad's wheels but WHO CARES he drives. :D and he's 24. and he doesn't smoke (i know this cuz my stepdad seem to have caught on to mum's subtle techniques of finding things out and on sunday he just went "faidzal you don't smoke right?" which flustered my poor royal sweetness so he dropped a spoon before saying ''no" and my stepdad went "ah see no wonder. your lips are so pink, macam pakai lipstick (as though you wore lipstick). oh geez.) oh and today i found out he stays at toa payoh.
he asked me if i had some macromedia program. fiza lost. sorry hor i very IT- challenged (no i didn't say this damn unglam can). i gave him my best auunghhh- dunno- what- that- is face and he just laughed and said it's ok... you help ask around for me can? and let's all imagine fiza in a soppy soggy mess melted on the floor going, "oh for you anything can!" I DIDN'T HOR BUT YA. i shall help out cuz hey, it's the least i can do after all the free meals and hello, he is going to be driving my mum to my musical.
he is damn tall can? when he talks to my mum he will hold on to my seat (?) and the back of my chair is around his waist. and when mum and me went to the counter to say bye to him he came out and walk us out and he walked behind me and i am like around his chest/ shoulder region. point is, tall. and for all you people who have heard and understood my past frustrations in the boys dept, let's all rejoice that fiza no longer can whine about short men. :D
when we were leaving mum asked where he stays. toa payoh. and he asked where we lived. mum gave him the whole hoolabaloo of us staying at choa chu kang now and am moving to woodlands soon yadayada. and he went, "wah woodlands? so far? then how about her (yes that's ME you eejits)? so far right from her school..." can i just say aw so sweet if you're so concerned then come la drive me to school i won't mind nyahaha. then they talk some more about me and school and staying on campus and bla bla bla and i am weirdly quiet around him because his presence is so phwoar so i just shut up and well, shut up.
anyhoos this time when we left i turned and LOOK at him and now i can safely say i can last 5 days without wismangan cuz i looked at his FULL FACE FINALLY and he said bye (or was it take care? ah well) and he looked sad. and i am happy he looked sad because i am manic -depressive ok can. and now i am worried he is fast becoming too ideal. but of course he has flaws. like he has rather poor grammar. and STOP THROWING THE BLOODY TOMATOES CAN and he has funny teeth. not UGLY, just nor perfect. and STOP THROWING DAMMIT and he says "anjat boboi" twice already but that was enough to make slightly miffed. wah lao so many smashed tomatoes.
then i realize i cannot be so anal (RIGHT DIZZIE) and besides, i shouldn't expect perfection cuz 1- it doesn't exist and 2- i am not perfect myself. see? now you regret throwing all those tomatoes at me right? nah take back. or never mind i keep tomorrow i make pasta we all eat k.
ok so when i realize he is fast becoming too good to be true i 1- panic, 2- delude myself into finding stupid minor flaws (as shown) and 3- imagine the worst. and this is what i've come up with. maybe he DOES have a criminal record. or he likes britney spears. or siti nurhaliza. or or or boybands. and pop. or maybe late at night he talks to a kuda kepang (umm a wooden horse?) in his room. or he has a thing for barbie dolls. or or or he hates beatles. or he collects strands of hair of dead people. *shrugs* you never know.
how to cure depression, fiza- style.
now let me cure YOUR depression.
ni namanya rock zaman nabi. ahahahahaha. sorry if you didn't get that. it's very malay humour. uhhh. basically this was how rockers looked like in the 80s, i think? and they were considered damn cool back then. well the last 3 at least (in fact the boy squatting in the last pic is rather cute, i think, in an 80s sorta way). the fella at the top in green is just... haha. well he is just here to cure depression la.
i feel much better after meeting mum. today was mighty depressing. i woke up hell bent on quitting school. i scared even myself. cuz being obssesive- compulsive, i had a high potential of just quitting school there and then. must curb this spontaneity of mine.
i went for the project meetings i needed to go for and spent some time with dear dizzie. thank you. actually it helped alot more than you think it did. but still anjat boboi is a damn annoying phrase so please stop it.
in his car when he drove me and mutalib to the train station, the bloody blasted radio HAD to play britney's you drive me crazy. the song literally works that way. i was dying to leave the car. haha.
met mum at bugis which of course inevitably leads to us sitting down at wismangan and talking. at one point of time i just cried (FIZA CRIED IN PUBLIC WOOHOO DEI GO BUY 4D! CONFIRM 1ST PRIZE!) and told her that it gets tiring to keep fighting when you lose sight of what you're fighting for. and sometimes it's hard to keep fighting for someone whom you can't see, feel nor touch anymore. talked it out with her and she said what dizzie sometimes tell me too. to just let it out. let it go. but it's just hard. i hate crying and being mopey whiney cuz it makes me feel weak. and of course, this is the cue for dizzie to go, fiza, humans are weak. and you are bloody human. yes my baby i hear you.
mum said something unexpected today. she said that despite her belief that i am strong and independent and fully capable of being happy and satisfied with life all alone, she knows that at the end of the day we all need someone, and it will do me no harm to just admit this to myself. she said drop the alone is power, solo is strength front and just break down for a while and admit that yes, i am all that but having someone by my side will make all the hardships seem easier.
"fi... people are not going to laugh at you if you just admit you do need people. no one is going to mock you for being weak because you need and want someone to love. cuz everyone's like that. you cannot fight human nature."
and of course i cannot argue back cuz cannot fight human nature mah.
so ok lor. i wil admit it. that although i am superwoman (or at least i believe myself to be that) i do need and want someone to love. ok? ok. now all happy.
i felt much better after talking to mum. maybe this dorm thing is not affecting her alone. maybe deep inside this staying alone thing is not all that good for me too. cuz then it allows me to be alone more often than not. i miss coming back to a HOME. i think if at the end of a horrid school day returning to a home with mum there will make the day less depressing.
and of COURSE there is faidzal who always make my day just by smiling. :) today he paid for me and mum's dinner and this resulted in a 30- second long argument between mum and him. basically along the lines of "you shouldn't have la!" "it's ok la really." "but no you shouldn't have!" over and over again. i thought it was hilarious that she was scolding him. i mean ya he has treated us a lil' wee bit too oftenly but to SCOLD him for it was just plain funny. he claimed it to be a birthday treat, since it was his birthday 2 days back. -_- and i thought wah lao then like that every time come here also you can come up with an excuse to pay for our meals... 2 days later birthday treat also can ah? gone dei whack.
and then he messaged my mum a smiley face. on the phone. YES. and my mum REPLIED. chiding him again about the meal and how he shouldn't have. he said it was his pleasure. and i just thought it was darn WHACKED that this boy is in the SAME PERIMETERS of me and mum and they had to resort to messaging each other. a scary thought- maybe he has a thing for my mum! ok scary thought must go away. shoo shoo.
anyway he asked me and mum where ACS Barker was again, and i of course, had no answers. he so cutely asked if the school has a carpark. i just burst out laughing. of course have right! haha. and walla. he is MEETING MY MUM EARLIER ON THE DAY OF MY MUSICAL TO DRIVE HER THERE.
but that point aside let's all jump for joy; WHEE HE DRIVES! haha. this is a big plus point on me and mum's books cuz we got this damn konok mindset that boys who drives are markedly responsible and mature cuz or else 1- their parents won't let them near the wheels or 2- they won't be able to finance their own car.
i assume faidzal drives his dad's wheels but WHO CARES he drives. :D and he's 24. and he doesn't smoke (i know this cuz my stepdad seem to have caught on to mum's subtle techniques of finding things out and on sunday he just went "faidzal you don't smoke right?" which flustered my poor royal sweetness so he dropped a spoon before saying ''no" and my stepdad went "ah see no wonder. your lips are so pink, macam pakai lipstick (as though you wore lipstick). oh geez.) oh and today i found out he stays at toa payoh.
he asked me if i had some macromedia program. fiza lost. sorry hor i very IT- challenged (no i didn't say this damn unglam can). i gave him my best auunghhh- dunno- what- that- is face and he just laughed and said it's ok... you help ask around for me can? and let's all imagine fiza in a soppy soggy mess melted on the floor going, "oh for you anything can!" I DIDN'T HOR BUT YA. i shall help out cuz hey, it's the least i can do after all the free meals and hello, he is going to be driving my mum to my musical.
he is damn tall can? when he talks to my mum he will hold on to my seat (?) and the back of my chair is around his waist. and when mum and me went to the counter to say bye to him he came out and walk us out and he walked behind me and i am like around his chest/ shoulder region. point is, tall. and for all you people who have heard and understood my past frustrations in the boys dept, let's all rejoice that fiza no longer can whine about short men. :D
when we were leaving mum asked where he stays. toa payoh. and he asked where we lived. mum gave him the whole hoolabaloo of us staying at choa chu kang now and am moving to woodlands soon yadayada. and he went, "wah woodlands? so far? then how about her (yes that's ME you eejits)? so far right from her school..." can i just say aw so sweet if you're so concerned then come la drive me to school i won't mind nyahaha. then they talk some more about me and school and staying on campus and bla bla bla and i am weirdly quiet around him because his presence is so phwoar so i just shut up and well, shut up.
anyhoos this time when we left i turned and LOOK at him and now i can safely say i can last 5 days without wismangan cuz i looked at his FULL FACE FINALLY and he said bye (or was it take care? ah well) and he looked sad. and i am happy he looked sad because i am manic -depressive ok can. and now i am worried he is fast becoming too ideal. but of course he has flaws. like he has rather poor grammar. and STOP THROWING THE BLOODY TOMATOES CAN and he has funny teeth. not UGLY, just nor perfect. and STOP THROWING DAMMIT and he says "anjat boboi" twice already but that was enough to make slightly miffed. wah lao so many smashed tomatoes.
then i realize i cannot be so anal (RIGHT DIZZIE) and besides, i shouldn't expect perfection cuz 1- it doesn't exist and 2- i am not perfect myself. see? now you regret throwing all those tomatoes at me right? nah take back. or never mind i keep tomorrow i make pasta we all eat k.
ok so when i realize he is fast becoming too good to be true i 1- panic, 2- delude myself into finding stupid minor flaws (as shown) and 3- imagine the worst. and this is what i've come up with. maybe he DOES have a criminal record. or he likes britney spears. or siti nurhaliza. or or or boybands. and pop. or maybe late at night he talks to a kuda kepang (umm a wooden horse?) in his room. or he has a thing for barbie dolls. or or or he hates beatles. or he collects strands of hair of dead people. *shrugs* you never know.
how to cure depression, fiza- style.
now let me cure YOUR depression.
ni namanya rock zaman nabi. ahahahahaha. sorry if you didn't get that. it's very malay humour. uhhh. basically this was how rockers looked like in the 80s, i think? and they were considered damn cool back then. well the last 3 at least (in fact the boy squatting in the last pic is rather cute, i think, in an 80s sorta way). the fella at the top in green is just... haha. well he is just here to cure depression la.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
pink fleece and crushes
between all this pink fleece and obssesive crushing, i believe i am fast progressing into a girl. aren't you proud? :D
mum came at 10- ish to deliver me dinner from tanjong pagar railway station. chicken chop. YUMMINESS. and now i am snacking on banana fritters. while typing my term paper due... hmm, lemme see, oh, yesterday. heh heh heh.
just LOOKING at this pic makes me sleepy. :(
lookie at what this wretchedly pink and girly pajamas says, "I <3 U!" and "GIRLZ RULE!" sheesh.
on the other hand, mum was all beaming and giggly when she saw me. ""you want his number or not? come la i give. are you sure? aiya he message me... ahem... for obvious reasons you know... you really don't want ah?" mum. PLEASE. stop it. haha. if he's interested he'll ask YOU for my number and i bet all of you this blog that she would give it without qualms, without ASKING ME FIRST.
so anyhoos before that she had a cow cuz i came down to the basement carpark in my pajamas and she went "oi you think this one your house walk around in pajamas!" er mum, it IS a residential area. "no no wait got all this chee ko pek men see you in pink like that how? paedophiles like you know little girls wearing pink pajamas." haha right mum. and you would know because...?
as promised, i came up with nice pretty doodlings to pin- up on my notice- board. and FAIZ! i drew a shoe and wrote his name on it. haha. close enough right? i can't draw on my shoes itself la. sayang. just now my resident advisor came a- knocking cuz apparently i have too many shoes, like shoe shop, so please keep them in your room cuz they're a health and fire hazard. nyehhhh.
i am still considering dropping out of USP cuz... i dunno. cuz i am not dying for honours anymore. maybe i can do a shared major instead, if i drop USP. all i'm afraid of is disappointment. and many would go down the "but it'll be a waste of all those A's" bla bla bla. but i don't know. what matters is me and mum. i will talk it out with her la. i just want to get the stupid degree that will ensure me a certain amount of guarantee of survival in singapore temporarily, before migrating with my family. i know honours and USP will look good on my resume but ugh. i really can't be ARSED to work hard and keep working hard for something i don't really treasure. sigh. jadedness. it seems to be a common NUS disease.
before nus i had a certain level of interest, to learn, educate myself. here i just. flop. i'm not failing anything but neither do i feel the urge to score, to soar. it's all so blah. then everyone comes and give me that "so many people would die to be in your place" bit. i know la. that's why i'm not just anyhow throwing it away. but at the same time to be able to PSYCHE yourself up for something, you gotta WANT it. you will only work for something you want, period. motivation. drive. for now i have none.
so i'm just floating, gliding along. surviving when needs be, just grinning and bearing it when i hit the rough spot. this is not my thing. now i'm having regrets rejecting NTU's comm studies. ahhhhh. no looking back wistfully, fiza.
i love sociology, i do. i have real genuine interest in it. the only thing, here in NUS, that i can honestly claim to have real interest for, in fact. but i don't know. maybe the education system is not something i can down anymore. the squeezing in of readings the meagre discussions the rushing for deadlines. bah. or maybe i'm just too lazy for all this. then maybe i shouldn't be studying now. sometimes temptation is high to just quit it for a bit. live a little. then restart all over again. maybe even elsewhere. i don't know. all this is just wishful. exams are looming like it or not. and i hate it. i hate it that my future, the basis of measuring my intelligence and ability to survive in this dog- eat- shit world is defined by that stupid piece of paper (ok ok and other pieces of paper i've submitted over the semester) that i submit after 2 hours of sitting down and penning down my thoughts in a room with cold, ass- freezing, balls- shrinking air- conditioning. sigh.
must i really go through the modus operandi of every other 'successful' singaporean scholar to be reasonably happy and successful here? is there really only one way? then that is fucken annoying, can.
education is not in a piece of paper it's not it's not it's not! i know people who are bodengdengsly smart but they have no degree whatsoever. what then? you're going to deny them of their intelligence cuz they don't have the papers to prove it? or blame it on circumstances for not allowing them the opportunity? or call them foolish for 'wasting' their intelligence that way? aiya. i don't know la. this whole ranting thing feels so juvenile but yet i can't help but feel the education system here limits rather than encourage growth- mentally, spiritually, intellectually. nyehhhhhhhh you.
oh yeah real wise fiza. nyeh- ing the ministry of education will really get you places. bah.
see la now i'm bashing the government and myself. i swear it's the pink pajamas.
ok la. so much bitter angst. how to make me smile???
immediate beam- grin- smirk- laugh- out- loud effect. :)
between all this pink fleece and obssesive crushing, i believe i am fast progressing into a girl. aren't you proud? :D
mum came at 10- ish to deliver me dinner from tanjong pagar railway station. chicken chop. YUMMINESS. and now i am snacking on banana fritters. while typing my term paper due... hmm, lemme see, oh, yesterday. heh heh heh.
just LOOKING at this pic makes me sleepy. :(
lookie at what this wretchedly pink and girly pajamas says, "I <3 U!" and "GIRLZ RULE!" sheesh.
on the other hand, mum was all beaming and giggly when she saw me. ""you want his number or not? come la i give. are you sure? aiya he message me... ahem... for obvious reasons you know... you really don't want ah?" mum. PLEASE. stop it. haha. if he's interested he'll ask YOU for my number and i bet all of you this blog that she would give it without qualms, without ASKING ME FIRST.
so anyhoos before that she had a cow cuz i came down to the basement carpark in my pajamas and she went "oi you think this one your house walk around in pajamas!" er mum, it IS a residential area. "no no wait got all this chee ko pek men see you in pink like that how? paedophiles like you know little girls wearing pink pajamas." haha right mum. and you would know because...?
as promised, i came up with nice pretty doodlings to pin- up on my notice- board. and FAIZ! i drew a shoe and wrote his name on it. haha. close enough right? i can't draw on my shoes itself la. sayang. just now my resident advisor came a- knocking cuz apparently i have too many shoes, like shoe shop, so please keep them in your room cuz they're a health and fire hazard. nyehhhh.
i am still considering dropping out of USP cuz... i dunno. cuz i am not dying for honours anymore. maybe i can do a shared major instead, if i drop USP. all i'm afraid of is disappointment. and many would go down the "but it'll be a waste of all those A's" bla bla bla. but i don't know. what matters is me and mum. i will talk it out with her la. i just want to get the stupid degree that will ensure me a certain amount of guarantee of survival in singapore temporarily, before migrating with my family. i know honours and USP will look good on my resume but ugh. i really can't be ARSED to work hard and keep working hard for something i don't really treasure. sigh. jadedness. it seems to be a common NUS disease.
before nus i had a certain level of interest, to learn, educate myself. here i just. flop. i'm not failing anything but neither do i feel the urge to score, to soar. it's all so blah. then everyone comes and give me that "so many people would die to be in your place" bit. i know la. that's why i'm not just anyhow throwing it away. but at the same time to be able to PSYCHE yourself up for something, you gotta WANT it. you will only work for something you want, period. motivation. drive. for now i have none.
so i'm just floating, gliding along. surviving when needs be, just grinning and bearing it when i hit the rough spot. this is not my thing. now i'm having regrets rejecting NTU's comm studies. ahhhhh. no looking back wistfully, fiza.
i love sociology, i do. i have real genuine interest in it. the only thing, here in NUS, that i can honestly claim to have real interest for, in fact. but i don't know. maybe the education system is not something i can down anymore. the squeezing in of readings the meagre discussions the rushing for deadlines. bah. or maybe i'm just too lazy for all this. then maybe i shouldn't be studying now. sometimes temptation is high to just quit it for a bit. live a little. then restart all over again. maybe even elsewhere. i don't know. all this is just wishful. exams are looming like it or not. and i hate it. i hate it that my future, the basis of measuring my intelligence and ability to survive in this dog- eat- shit world is defined by that stupid piece of paper (ok ok and other pieces of paper i've submitted over the semester) that i submit after 2 hours of sitting down and penning down my thoughts in a room with cold, ass- freezing, balls- shrinking air- conditioning. sigh.
must i really go through the modus operandi of every other 'successful' singaporean scholar to be reasonably happy and successful here? is there really only one way? then that is fucken annoying, can.
education is not in a piece of paper it's not it's not it's not! i know people who are bodengdengsly smart but they have no degree whatsoever. what then? you're going to deny them of their intelligence cuz they don't have the papers to prove it? or blame it on circumstances for not allowing them the opportunity? or call them foolish for 'wasting' their intelligence that way? aiya. i don't know la. this whole ranting thing feels so juvenile but yet i can't help but feel the education system here limits rather than encourage growth- mentally, spiritually, intellectually. nyehhhhhhhh you.
oh yeah real wise fiza. nyeh- ing the ministry of education will really get you places. bah.
see la now i'm bashing the government and myself. i swear it's the pink pajamas.
ok la. so much bitter angst. how to make me smile???
immediate beam- grin- smirk- laugh- out- loud effect. :)
Monday, April 04, 2005
where?
dreary wet monday. dragged myself to class at 2 p.m. another one of the many classes i've been skipping la. 'twas good. fun. surprisingly.
walking in school on a monday is a rarity (read: skipping classes) for me and when i finally did today i bumped into najib, THE purple boy who made me froth and foam last semester and now has glorious black curls but whatever; jamal, who is relatively cute but short and has this very ustad fahrur razi look that scares the ninny out of me; don, a cutie who is a jerk; fai who is a biker dude with the whole tall, mysterious persona goin' on; but the one guy who made my day when i saw him was DIZZY! cuz then i got my hug then i was still sleepy but at least i was a happy HUGGED sleepyhead. :)
lecture after that at 4 p.m. it's a small lecture; a total of 2 tutorial groups. so everyone pretty much knows everyone else. and there was this darling boy reuben who brought his wretched rabbit to class. and everyone spent a solid 5 minutes babbling about this, and i overheard and went, there's a WHAT in class? then took one look at his backpack and said OHMYGOD HIS BAG IS MOVING! yes yes then everyone applauded me for my unbelievable slowness.
and then OF COURSE halfway through lecture the rabbit HAD to pop out of his bag and run around the class. and of course being all liberal and democratic and shitzo, my lecturer let the rabbit ran free and wild, just make sure the doors remain close so that he won't run out and get lost.
and i'm all, isn't it supposed to be like, WRONG to bring pets to class? i dunno, campus rules or something. ya la and i'm one to talk with all my truancy and HELLO, green slippers. campus rules be arsed.
so anyhoos it hence became a very jumpy lecture session (well for me at least) cuz i get nervous when i know there's an animal in the same room as me, can?
at one point my jacket flap grazed my foot (how is this possible? cuz i am seated cross- legged. no way no bunnies is gonnae sniff my feet in lecture ya) and i jumped, like very obviously, much to the bemusement of the boys behind me and razinah beside me. like hello, the rabbit is damn far can. why you all jumpy and shit. NYEH i tell you. NYEHHHH to all of you uncompassionate people.
then half an hour before lecture ended mum messaged me.
girl, earlier faidzal messaged me. this is the message... hello cik nur. faidzal here. thank you for the ticket. it's an honour to have been invited by your family. i appreciate it a lot. i''ll be looking forward to it. have a nice day! thank you! oh ya and my oh so not subtle mum added a wink ;) behind it.
and thereeeeeeeeeee goes fiza cuz she can't squeal and jump about in class so she settled for covering her face as she grinned like an eejit then later just grabbing and clutching razinah's arm and beaming like orchard road on a christmas night and tell her not to ask.
where did this angel come from? where did this manifestation of all things sweet and polite and wonderful come from? why did he land here? so near? where? really. i am in awe of this stroke of luck. maybe it won't last but i am grateful for this person's presence alone cuz he gives such hope. such gentlemanly and sweet creatures still exist.
then mum called to share the joy over conversation. she was happy. she replied to him and then he replied. and she's happy that when the opportunity arose for me to give my number i didn't and gave my mum's instead. of course la. damn paisey can, give your own number. besides it's still too early. she's also happy that i like him cuz that means i'll eat more rice as opposed to all the western junk she believes i swallow on a daily basis- not too far from truth.
so mum's happy i'm happy and presumably, faidzal (yes it's spelled differently so YAY new set of doodling coming up) the royal sweetness is happy too. :) and now i will sleep in my nice comfy pink fleece pajamas that has heart shapes all over it and words like I <3 U and GIRLZ RULE cuz the rain has just stopped and there's that nice cold breeze that comes after which is oh so nice to sleep in.
k g'night now all of you. muacks.
dreary wet monday. dragged myself to class at 2 p.m. another one of the many classes i've been skipping la. 'twas good. fun. surprisingly.
walking in school on a monday is a rarity (read: skipping classes) for me and when i finally did today i bumped into najib, THE purple boy who made me froth and foam last semester and now has glorious black curls but whatever; jamal, who is relatively cute but short and has this very ustad fahrur razi look that scares the ninny out of me; don, a cutie who is a jerk; fai who is a biker dude with the whole tall, mysterious persona goin' on; but the one guy who made my day when i saw him was DIZZY! cuz then i got my hug then i was still sleepy but at least i was a happy HUGGED sleepyhead. :)
lecture after that at 4 p.m. it's a small lecture; a total of 2 tutorial groups. so everyone pretty much knows everyone else. and there was this darling boy reuben who brought his wretched rabbit to class. and everyone spent a solid 5 minutes babbling about this, and i overheard and went, there's a WHAT in class? then took one look at his backpack and said OHMYGOD HIS BAG IS MOVING! yes yes then everyone applauded me for my unbelievable slowness.
and then OF COURSE halfway through lecture the rabbit HAD to pop out of his bag and run around the class. and of course being all liberal and democratic and shitzo, my lecturer let the rabbit ran free and wild, just make sure the doors remain close so that he won't run out and get lost.
and i'm all, isn't it supposed to be like, WRONG to bring pets to class? i dunno, campus rules or something. ya la and i'm one to talk with all my truancy and HELLO, green slippers. campus rules be arsed.
so anyhoos it hence became a very jumpy lecture session (well for me at least) cuz i get nervous when i know there's an animal in the same room as me, can?
at one point my jacket flap grazed my foot (how is this possible? cuz i am seated cross- legged. no way no bunnies is gonnae sniff my feet in lecture ya) and i jumped, like very obviously, much to the bemusement of the boys behind me and razinah beside me. like hello, the rabbit is damn far can. why you all jumpy and shit. NYEH i tell you. NYEHHHH to all of you uncompassionate people.
then half an hour before lecture ended mum messaged me.
girl, earlier faidzal messaged me. this is the message... hello cik nur. faidzal here. thank you for the ticket. it's an honour to have been invited by your family. i appreciate it a lot. i''ll be looking forward to it. have a nice day! thank you! oh ya and my oh so not subtle mum added a wink ;) behind it.
and thereeeeeeeeeee goes fiza cuz she can't squeal and jump about in class so she settled for covering her face as she grinned like an eejit then later just grabbing and clutching razinah's arm and beaming like orchard road on a christmas night and tell her not to ask.
where did this angel come from? where did this manifestation of all things sweet and polite and wonderful come from? why did he land here? so near? where? really. i am in awe of this stroke of luck. maybe it won't last but i am grateful for this person's presence alone cuz he gives such hope. such gentlemanly and sweet creatures still exist.
then mum called to share the joy over conversation. she was happy. she replied to him and then he replied. and she's happy that when the opportunity arose for me to give my number i didn't and gave my mum's instead. of course la. damn paisey can, give your own number. besides it's still too early. she's also happy that i like him cuz that means i'll eat more rice as opposed to all the western junk she believes i swallow on a daily basis- not too far from truth.
so mum's happy i'm happy and presumably, faidzal (yes it's spelled differently so YAY new set of doodling coming up) the royal sweetness is happy too. :) and now i will sleep in my nice comfy pink fleece pajamas that has heart shapes all over it and words like I <3 U and GIRLZ RULE cuz the rain has just stopped and there's that nice cold breeze that comes after which is oh so nice to sleep in.
k g'night now all of you. muacks.
happy birthday my royal sweetness
happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to the sweestest boy in my world, happy birthday to you. :)
no he does not read this blog but i wanted to do that anyway. yes, as luck would have it, today my whole family went to wismangan for dinner and whoopsy! it's faizal's birthday. after serving our dinner one of the waiters (we call him ah seng) came with a plate of chocolatey chocolate cake (which was good, by the way) and said, "special order." apparently, it was faizal's birthday and he decided to share with us his cake. aaaaaw.
good chocolate cake.
and he's 24. he's aries. his birthday is 4 days before my late dad's. he's sweet. and because mum and me felt bad for not getting him anything (we didn't know anyway but he gives us free so many things and he is so sweet), we decided to give him a ticket to my musical as a birthday present. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D (i don't want to even start imagining the consequences of this.) it's on a saturday and i am pretty sure he should be working but he said yes, he'll come. and probably with my mum who is of course coming. and if dad or her best friend can't join her, she said she'll be happy to just go with him alone. haha. yes he is THAT sweet. mum adores him. she's not alone. nyehehe.
then he wasn't sure where ACS (Barker) was and neither was i. so mum gave him her number so that he can ask her about it. so now he has my mum's number, not mine. hahahaha. and and and and and the whole night spent there was gloriously wonderful. the food was good the company was good everything is good.
the people are what makes the environment so great there. i like the auntie- she is so smiley and friendly, i like ah seng- he makes rocking good teh tarik, i like 'j.lo'- he is just damn funny can!, and of course i like faizal cuz he is my royal sweetness. heh heh heh. *beams* and *shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!* blinding light hits singapore.
shit la he is just so darn sweet. he gives me diabetes. i will be happy to die of diabetes in that case. hahahaha. when he clears my side of the table he is so sweet and polite about it and when he is at the counter area and i look up and he smiles at me and then my whole world just feels perfect and like everything is candy and dandy. and when he says bye a split second late and i've already walked off and all i can do is imagine his sweet smile and soft eyes. and gentle voice. and his oh- so- soft- spoken and gentle demeanour. even when he is joking his voice is just soothing calm and gentle. everything about him makes me feel peaceful and jumpy-excited-nervous-giggly all at the same time.
i barely know him still. he is still, in every sense of the word, a stranger. i don't know his favourite song, i don't know where he lives, i don't know why he's doing a private degree, i don't know his favourite colour, i don't know why he gave me a free lunch, i don't know his full name, i don't know if he has a criminal record, i don't know if he drives or ride a bike or just takes the train home, i don't know what movies he likes, but i can't help but adore the way he respects my mum, the way he is so polite to customers, the way he smiled at the little girl who bumped into him, the way he respects me as a person as a whole and not just as another pretty face to get- to- know, the way he just stands and watch when his colleagues attend to me- though he didn't have anything to do with the transaction, the way he smiles at my whole family and nods then turns to me and smiles at me and said somethingwhichican'trecall cuz his grins are so disarming- that makes me feel so floaty and special. the meaningless- ness of it all that makes it all so meaningful.
*sings* i believe in a thing called love... hehehe. i believe in anything that brings me happiness. and for now, this perfect stranger brings me just that. (or maybe it's just reaaaaaally easy to make me happy.)
last night me and firr were talking about why we date around. well dateD around, in my case. and i realize it's cuz i never found that one guy who could make me not want to date anyone else. i mean ryan was nice, hairul was, isma was, but none of them had that OOMPH! that made me go oh i don't want to date anyone else anymore, he is enough, he is so wow that all i wanna do is be with him and no one else.no, i never found my mr. oomph! so i never stopped dating other guys.
and i believe one day i will meet a guy who will make me go WOW! and when that happens i will see that he has not everything but he has enough and more than the others and he will be the one guy i want to keep seeing and the one guy i wouldn't mind laughing and crying and singing and being quiet with. and then he will be the one who will hold my hand and walk with me by the beach as the sun sets. and still hold it when the sky is dark. and still hold it when it rains. and still hold it while he sleeps. and keep holding it because he wants to.
he'll just smile and my whole world melts along. he'll speaks and flutters will rumble through my tummy. he looks and i just lose my bearings.
happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to the sweestest boy in my world, happy birthday to you. :)
no he does not read this blog but i wanted to do that anyway. yes, as luck would have it, today my whole family went to wismangan for dinner and whoopsy! it's faizal's birthday. after serving our dinner one of the waiters (we call him ah seng) came with a plate of chocolatey chocolate cake (which was good, by the way) and said, "special order." apparently, it was faizal's birthday and he decided to share with us his cake. aaaaaw.
good chocolate cake.
and he's 24. he's aries. his birthday is 4 days before my late dad's. he's sweet. and because mum and me felt bad for not getting him anything (we didn't know anyway but he gives us free so many things and he is so sweet), we decided to give him a ticket to my musical as a birthday present. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D (i don't want to even start imagining the consequences of this.) it's on a saturday and i am pretty sure he should be working but he said yes, he'll come. and probably with my mum who is of course coming. and if dad or her best friend can't join her, she said she'll be happy to just go with him alone. haha. yes he is THAT sweet. mum adores him. she's not alone. nyehehe.
then he wasn't sure where ACS (Barker) was and neither was i. so mum gave him her number so that he can ask her about it. so now he has my mum's number, not mine. hahahaha. and and and and and the whole night spent there was gloriously wonderful. the food was good the company was good everything is good.
the people are what makes the environment so great there. i like the auntie- she is so smiley and friendly, i like ah seng- he makes rocking good teh tarik, i like 'j.lo'- he is just damn funny can!, and of course i like faizal cuz he is my royal sweetness. heh heh heh. *beams* and *shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!* blinding light hits singapore.
shit la he is just so darn sweet. he gives me diabetes. i will be happy to die of diabetes in that case. hahahaha. when he clears my side of the table he is so sweet and polite about it and when he is at the counter area and i look up and he smiles at me and then my whole world just feels perfect and like everything is candy and dandy. and when he says bye a split second late and i've already walked off and all i can do is imagine his sweet smile and soft eyes. and gentle voice. and his oh- so- soft- spoken and gentle demeanour. even when he is joking his voice is just soothing calm and gentle. everything about him makes me feel peaceful and jumpy-excited-nervous-giggly all at the same time.
i barely know him still. he is still, in every sense of the word, a stranger. i don't know his favourite song, i don't know where he lives, i don't know why he's doing a private degree, i don't know his favourite colour, i don't know why he gave me a free lunch, i don't know his full name, i don't know if he has a criminal record, i don't know if he drives or ride a bike or just takes the train home, i don't know what movies he likes, but i can't help but adore the way he respects my mum, the way he is so polite to customers, the way he smiled at the little girl who bumped into him, the way he respects me as a person as a whole and not just as another pretty face to get- to- know, the way he just stands and watch when his colleagues attend to me- though he didn't have anything to do with the transaction, the way he smiles at my whole family and nods then turns to me and smiles at me and said somethingwhichican'trecall cuz his grins are so disarming- that makes me feel so floaty and special. the meaningless- ness of it all that makes it all so meaningful.
*sings* i believe in a thing called love... hehehe. i believe in anything that brings me happiness. and for now, this perfect stranger brings me just that. (or maybe it's just reaaaaaally easy to make me happy.)
last night me and firr were talking about why we date around. well dateD around, in my case. and i realize it's cuz i never found that one guy who could make me not want to date anyone else. i mean ryan was nice, hairul was, isma was, but none of them had that OOMPH! that made me go oh i don't want to date anyone else anymore, he is enough, he is so wow that all i wanna do is be with him and no one else.no, i never found my mr. oomph! so i never stopped dating other guys.
and i believe one day i will meet a guy who will make me go WOW! and when that happens i will see that he has not everything but he has enough and more than the others and he will be the one guy i want to keep seeing and the one guy i wouldn't mind laughing and crying and singing and being quiet with. and then he will be the one who will hold my hand and walk with me by the beach as the sun sets. and still hold it when the sky is dark. and still hold it when it rains. and still hold it while he sleeps. and keep holding it because he wants to.
he'll just smile and my whole world melts along. he'll speaks and flutters will rumble through my tummy. he looks and i just lose my bearings.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
oh no... what if he's not there? like not working today? then i'll be so sad and disappointed. oh no. ok k pray for me my loves. ok i'll go now bye!
waduhhhhhhhh nggak bisa sih begini...
mum just called. so now the whole family is headed down to wismangan. cuz 1- we're all hungry and we don't want to eat western and 2- faizal keeps asking her why he never sees her husband.
so here goes. whole family trudges down.
wismangannnnnnnnnnn. faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal. hehe. wonder if we'll get free anything today. haha. ok ok i am laughing too much and being too happy again.
f
a
i
z
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
l
!
NYAHAHAHAHAHA.
mum just called. so now the whole family is headed down to wismangan. cuz 1- we're all hungry and we don't want to eat western and 2- faizal keeps asking her why he never sees her husband.
so here goes. whole family trudges down.
wismangannnnnnnnnnn. faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal. hehe. wonder if we'll get free anything today. haha. ok ok i am laughing too much and being too happy again.
a
i
z
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
a
l
!
NYAHAHAHAHAHA.
and i would walk 500 miles
and i probably did. alot to say about today but to explain why i'm back only now is the fact that me and firr decided to walk aimlessly. haha. yes we PLANNED to walked aimlessly. wonderful plan it was. brought us from far east to borders to orchard mrt to fort canning park, to city hall mrt, where we realized we had missed the last train, so we walked to clifford pier where i realized i missed my last bus, so we walked to raffles place to withdraw money, go 7- 11, buy snacks, sit at raffles and laugh at people, then walk around boat quay to laugh at drunkards, then sit down by the river.
earlier i had toa payoh publicity stint whereby the cordless mike i used was previously used by a cantonese- spouting pink faced opera lady.
before THAT was ice- cream at swensen's with cast + hana.
and earlier than that was late lunch at constant cravings with hana and hafiz. where me and hana finally had the same dish.
and much earlier than that was me in bed with fleece pajamas. heavenly. sleeping in the rain is one of life's greatest joys.
and much much earlier was project meeting at school.
now let's nod agreeably, that it HAS been, a pretty long day. more tomorrow, with pictures. but now i am just happy.
and i need wismangan, nyahahaha. i like good service! i award him best waiter in my life.
and faiz i don't know why girls doodle. i doodle more cuz i like to see my own handwriting, narcissist that i am. and at least i don't do the whole faizal <3 fiza and fiza <3 faizal thing.
though i might start soon. tee hee. this boy is special. i know it. but how long this last, i can't tell. cuz it is, at the end of the day, just a crush. :)
smitten smitten smitten.
and i probably did. alot to say about today but to explain why i'm back only now is the fact that me and firr decided to walk aimlessly. haha. yes we PLANNED to walked aimlessly. wonderful plan it was. brought us from far east to borders to orchard mrt to fort canning park, to city hall mrt, where we realized we had missed the last train, so we walked to clifford pier where i realized i missed my last bus, so we walked to raffles place to withdraw money, go 7- 11, buy snacks, sit at raffles and laugh at people, then walk around boat quay to laugh at drunkards, then sit down by the river.
earlier i had toa payoh publicity stint whereby the cordless mike i used was previously used by a cantonese- spouting pink faced opera lady.
before THAT was ice- cream at swensen's with cast + hana.
and earlier than that was late lunch at constant cravings with hana and hafiz. where me and hana finally had the same dish.
and much earlier than that was me in bed with fleece pajamas. heavenly. sleeping in the rain is one of life's greatest joys.
and much much earlier was project meeting at school.
now let's nod agreeably, that it HAS been, a pretty long day. more tomorrow, with pictures. but now i am just happy.
and i need wismangan, nyahahaha. i like good service! i award him best waiter in my life.
and faiz i don't know why girls doodle. i doodle more cuz i like to see my own handwriting, narcissist that i am. and at least i don't do the whole faizal <3 fiza and fiza <3 faizal thing.
though i might start soon. tee hee. this boy is special. i know it. but how long this last, i can't tell. cuz it is, at the end of the day, just a crush. :)
smitten smitten smitten.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
s'wonderful
diana krall is serenading to me.... to do it, let''s fall in love, why shouldn't you fall in love...
aah. aye aye miss krall i'm hearing you. all in good time, all in good time.
now now where do i start. ah. yes. noon was rehearsals and so we finalised the singing parts for tomorrow. for those interested in seeing me in PINK and SINGING in a group tomorrow, do come down to toa payoh amphitheatre- apparently it's near the MRT station, at 6- ish p.m. tomorrow. i even bought myself a pink rose clip for tomorrow. as days go by my feminine instincts begins to take over more. maybe i'll end up a girl after all.
so after rehearsals i went down to bugis to meet kak za who actually took medical leave from work to meet me. haha. to SHOP and meet me, sorry. haha. ah. i met her, she had eaten and i hadn't, so to wismangan we went, cuz i wanted her to see my waduhhhh handsome bangetttt wismangan boy and i MYSELF wanted to see him too la. nyeh!
so we went, he was there, i ordered my food, kak za had desert and when he (WHO HAS THE SWEETEST SMILE ON EARTH I SWEAR UGHHHHH) served us our drinks, i smiled, thanked him, and he went, "oh ya, later don't need to pay k? it's on me. my treat." ...................................... i thought he was kidding so i said, "really... haha. are you sure?" he smiled and said yes. but i just laughed it off.
so i ate and kak za and me chatted. filled her in on my life since the last time we met. and every once in a while i looked in the direction of him at the counter and then i'll lose all bearings and totally forget what i was saying and kak za had to remind me what i was talking back. at several points of time i looked up to find him looking back. auuuunghhhh. damn disarming can. and once we smiled. ok i know i am being godawfully cheesy but i am totally crushing on this sweetness so do bear with me.
he came and cleared the table, then the usual innocent flirting (i'll spare you). when i was done and we girls were all set to SHOP, i went to the counter to pay. i seriously did NOT believe him la.
and he said, "no la don't need to pay... it's on me. my treat. really." "are you sure..." "yes la don't worry. my treat k? alah malu- malu pulak dia ni *pats my shoulder* (oh gee don't be shy- sumthin' like that)..." "well ok... wow. thanks..." ""no problem... so you didn't have class today?" ok and bla bla bla mundane talk ensue about me and my studies then him and his studies (hes' taking a bachelor in business admin from curtin). then he said he planned to migrate once he finished his studies (in 3 years' time) cuz singapore is too boring. and i agreed, and told him i planned on migrating too. "oh really? good la then find someone from there la!" laughs, then more random chit chat and for the 3rd time he told me to send his regards to my mum (PING PING PING SCOOOOOOORE MANY MANY VERY THE MANY BROWNIE POINTS CAN!).
after this fiza is already floating like a ninny and was being a total girl about the whole thing. me and kak za shopped and talked rubbish, met mum to take some measurements at the new place, then went sembawang with hana, her 2 brothers, her aunt, uncle and 2 cousins.
it was april fool but i didn't play a prank on anyone cuz it totally slipped my mind. another year, i guess.
sighhhhhhhhhhhh. i needa stop floating. hehehehehe. i love this feeling. such a healthy crush. i mean, would you call a crush that gets you free meals UNhealthy? nuh- uh. so ya.
pleased as a punch. the best bit of it all is he haven't gone down the long- trodden path of oh- so- predictably asking for my number. this act results in severe bad aftertaste for me- firstly, i won't give it cuz i barely know him and secondly, this is a move i closely associate with typical mats so nothing good will come out of it either way.
so i am glad he is just being a sweet, smiley, handsome bangetttttt person. nyahahahahaha. i am so sorry. i am being a girl. *apologetic*
i will be busybusybusy. semester coming to an end meaning essays, term papers, projects and exams. then 3 months break. hoooooo wheeeeeeeee.
pics from today.
top to bottom; we were near a toilet. i want to eat flowers. she wants to promote them. one final shot at the train station. :)
oh so happy day. hehehe. god if i don't stop grinning my jaws are gonna ache. ohhhhhhh. hehehehe. faizaaaaaaaaaaaal! nyeahahahaha. ok i'll shut up now. bye!
diana krall is serenading to me.... to do it, let''s fall in love, why shouldn't you fall in love...
aah. aye aye miss krall i'm hearing you. all in good time, all in good time.
now now where do i start. ah. yes. noon was rehearsals and so we finalised the singing parts for tomorrow. for those interested in seeing me in PINK and SINGING in a group tomorrow, do come down to toa payoh amphitheatre- apparently it's near the MRT station, at 6- ish p.m. tomorrow. i even bought myself a pink rose clip for tomorrow. as days go by my feminine instincts begins to take over more. maybe i'll end up a girl after all.
so after rehearsals i went down to bugis to meet kak za who actually took medical leave from work to meet me. haha. to SHOP and meet me, sorry. haha. ah. i met her, she had eaten and i hadn't, so to wismangan we went, cuz i wanted her to see my waduhhhh handsome bangetttt wismangan boy and i MYSELF wanted to see him too la. nyeh!
so we went, he was there, i ordered my food, kak za had desert and when he (WHO HAS THE SWEETEST SMILE ON EARTH I SWEAR UGHHHHH) served us our drinks, i smiled, thanked him, and he went, "oh ya, later don't need to pay k? it's on me. my treat." ...................................... i thought he was kidding so i said, "really... haha. are you sure?" he smiled and said yes. but i just laughed it off.
so i ate and kak za and me chatted. filled her in on my life since the last time we met. and every once in a while i looked in the direction of him at the counter and then i'll lose all bearings and totally forget what i was saying and kak za had to remind me what i was talking back. at several points of time i looked up to find him looking back. auuuunghhhh. damn disarming can. and once we smiled. ok i know i am being godawfully cheesy but i am totally crushing on this sweetness so do bear with me.
he came and cleared the table, then the usual innocent flirting (i'll spare you). when i was done and we girls were all set to SHOP, i went to the counter to pay. i seriously did NOT believe him la.
and he said, "no la don't need to pay... it's on me. my treat. really." "are you sure..." "yes la don't worry. my treat k? alah malu- malu pulak dia ni *pats my shoulder* (oh gee don't be shy- sumthin' like that)..." "well ok... wow. thanks..." ""no problem... so you didn't have class today?" ok and bla bla bla mundane talk ensue about me and my studies then him and his studies (hes' taking a bachelor in business admin from curtin). then he said he planned to migrate once he finished his studies (in 3 years' time) cuz singapore is too boring. and i agreed, and told him i planned on migrating too. "oh really? good la then find someone from there la!" laughs, then more random chit chat and for the 3rd time he told me to send his regards to my mum (PING PING PING SCOOOOOOORE MANY MANY VERY THE MANY BROWNIE POINTS CAN!).
after this fiza is already floating like a ninny and was being a total girl about the whole thing. me and kak za shopped and talked rubbish, met mum to take some measurements at the new place, then went sembawang with hana, her 2 brothers, her aunt, uncle and 2 cousins.
it was april fool but i didn't play a prank on anyone cuz it totally slipped my mind. another year, i guess.
sighhhhhhhhhhhh. i needa stop floating. hehehehehe. i love this feeling. such a healthy crush. i mean, would you call a crush that gets you free meals UNhealthy? nuh- uh. so ya.
pleased as a punch. the best bit of it all is he haven't gone down the long- trodden path of oh- so- predictably asking for my number. this act results in severe bad aftertaste for me- firstly, i won't give it cuz i barely know him and secondly, this is a move i closely associate with typical mats so nothing good will come out of it either way.
so i am glad he is just being a sweet, smiley, handsome bangetttttt person. nyahahahahaha. i am so sorry. i am being a girl. *apologetic*
i will be busybusybusy. semester coming to an end meaning essays, term papers, projects and exams. then 3 months break. hoooooo wheeeeeeeee.
pics from today.
top to bottom; we were near a toilet. i want to eat flowers. she wants to promote them. one final shot at the train station. :)
oh so happy day. hehehe. god if i don't stop grinning my jaws are gonna ache. ohhhhhhh. hehehehe. faizaaaaaaaaaaaal! nyeahahahaha. ok i'll shut up now. bye!
Friday, April 01, 2005
oh to be young again
guess whooooooooo is having a crush?
nyahaha.
it feels good to have a flighty crush again. it is definitely a whole lot less emotional investment.
someone's final paper is tomorrow but even so i'm not expecting a comeback. i know not the explanation of this disappearance but i've ceased to care. now i'm just bemused and curious to see how long it'll last.
on my way to tuition today i met a primary school friend whom i've forgotten the name and since she recognized and remembered me and on both counts it wasn't the same for me to her, it was too embarassing for me to ask.
anyway she entered the train smiled at me, said hi, then as i was about to smile and say hi a man joined her, pushing a pram. *heart stops*
as it turned out she was married. happily. after her O's she went NIE, took a diploma in teaching, taught in a primary school, where she met her husband, and the rest, as they say, is history. and her baby boy is cute. and she said i think you're one of the few from our batch of malay girls who are not married. kerplunk.
then she told me she still lived in the neighbourhood of our primary school, and so do a few of the other girls who ARE married. i really really can't sink this in but maybe that's just me. so the few of them are actually in constant contact and in my head i imagine a whole class of malay girls (6F had particularly lots of them) being married and living in the same flat and *shudder*. it's warped.
and then she divulged further. every morning they go to west coast wet market together and FIZA ABSOLUTELY CANNOT IMAGINE DOING THIS. so everyday i wake up at 8, bathe and go class, while they (a class of married malay girls) wake up, bathe, then meet up to go to the market then have breakfast and a chit chat session. AGHAST AGHAST AGHAST.
and then she divulged MORE that one of them IS GETTING DIVORCED. arghhhhhhhh. that the husband is really lazy and abusive and they fought once and the girl stayed at this friend's of mine place. and i am just *WIDEN EYES AND RAISES EYEBROWS* and smile sheepishly and do the obligatory tuts and head- shaking. later when i met my mum for supper i told her this and said, "i am not even attached, and this girl my age has been engaged, married, pregnant and divorced. dah come full circle. i feel *squats*, small."
after tuition met mum for dinner and a chat. she's my bestest friend cuz she pays for my food NO cuz she listens, takes it in, and gives good feedback. i guess it helps to be 45.
when i was 18 (or 17 or 16 but you get my drift, YOUNG) i used to quite like the idea of marrying pretty young cuz then you get to see your kids grow up and you get to be young with them (yes i'm all about the kids cuz the husband bit is icky in my life haha). and i was fine with a simple life, a simple marriage, a simple husband.
but something about higher education makes you want more, maybe cuz you know more. your options become endless and so do your dreams and wishes. and suddenly the thought of marrying young was like, OBSCENE. hahaha. almost vulgar. like donkeynabei. yes i came up with that recently cool shite ain't it? i think it sounds so damn vulgar and hence i think that's very funny cuz I'M ALL ABOUT THE WORDS BABY. oh and of course topi konek. wahaha. oh i love me.
ok so back to the issue at hand. don't you just LOVE it how i am so easily distracted? i'll probably blabber away on my wedding day only to realize that i'm supposed to be getting married and not chatting to the boy washing the dishes. and see there i go again.
oh i know why i am diverging! cuz issue is closed! hahaha. oh man. uhhh. ya. so basically ya la. i think marrying young is limiting at times, cuz admit it, there are just some things you absolutely cannot, or maybe isn't that easy to do, if you're married. marriage is responsibilities. and for me now, i think i can't handle the few responsibilities i have at hand, so why laden myself with more?
but at the end of the day, i am happy for those girls from my primary school who are married and pregnant or already with kids. and sympathy for the girl getting divorced. i mean we all dream to love forever. face it. all of us, the playgirl, playboy ir the loyalists, will ALWAYS always think that, "oh this one is forever. this one is for keeps." all of us. but at the end of the day, we must remember that we can't tell the future and God works in His own ways. so we just CAN never know. we can work hard we can try we can pray but at the end of the day, there's no guarantee. i'm sure the girl getting divorced never had it in mind when she got married. worse, bet when she was 5 she dreamt a beautiful white wedding, a gallant hubby and many beautiful kids living in a wonderful happy home. but life is unpredictable.
and that doesn't mean it's bad. :)
guess whooooooooo is having a crush?
nyahaha.
it feels good to have a flighty crush again. it is definitely a whole lot less emotional investment.
someone's final paper is tomorrow but even so i'm not expecting a comeback. i know not the explanation of this disappearance but i've ceased to care. now i'm just bemused and curious to see how long it'll last.
on my way to tuition today i met a primary school friend whom i've forgotten the name and since she recognized and remembered me and on both counts it wasn't the same for me to her, it was too embarassing for me to ask.
anyway she entered the train smiled at me, said hi, then as i was about to smile and say hi a man joined her, pushing a pram. *heart stops*
as it turned out she was married. happily. after her O's she went NIE, took a diploma in teaching, taught in a primary school, where she met her husband, and the rest, as they say, is history. and her baby boy is cute. and she said i think you're one of the few from our batch of malay girls who are not married. kerplunk.
then she told me she still lived in the neighbourhood of our primary school, and so do a few of the other girls who ARE married. i really really can't sink this in but maybe that's just me. so the few of them are actually in constant contact and in my head i imagine a whole class of malay girls (6F had particularly lots of them) being married and living in the same flat and *shudder*. it's warped.
and then she divulged further. every morning they go to west coast wet market together and FIZA ABSOLUTELY CANNOT IMAGINE DOING THIS. so everyday i wake up at 8, bathe and go class, while they (a class of married malay girls) wake up, bathe, then meet up to go to the market then have breakfast and a chit chat session. AGHAST AGHAST AGHAST.
and then she divulged MORE that one of them IS GETTING DIVORCED. arghhhhhhhh. that the husband is really lazy and abusive and they fought once and the girl stayed at this friend's of mine place. and i am just *WIDEN EYES AND RAISES EYEBROWS* and smile sheepishly and do the obligatory tuts and head- shaking. later when i met my mum for supper i told her this and said, "i am not even attached, and this girl my age has been engaged, married, pregnant and divorced. dah come full circle. i feel *squats*, small."
after tuition met mum for dinner and a chat. she's my bestest friend cuz she pays for my food NO cuz she listens, takes it in, and gives good feedback. i guess it helps to be 45.
when i was 18 (or 17 or 16 but you get my drift, YOUNG) i used to quite like the idea of marrying pretty young cuz then you get to see your kids grow up and you get to be young with them (yes i'm all about the kids cuz the husband bit is icky in my life haha). and i was fine with a simple life, a simple marriage, a simple husband.
but something about higher education makes you want more, maybe cuz you know more. your options become endless and so do your dreams and wishes. and suddenly the thought of marrying young was like, OBSCENE. hahaha. almost vulgar. like donkeynabei. yes i came up with that recently cool shite ain't it? i think it sounds so damn vulgar and hence i think that's very funny cuz I'M ALL ABOUT THE WORDS BABY. oh and of course topi konek. wahaha. oh i love me.
ok so back to the issue at hand. don't you just LOVE it how i am so easily distracted? i'll probably blabber away on my wedding day only to realize that i'm supposed to be getting married and not chatting to the boy washing the dishes. and see there i go again.
oh i know why i am diverging! cuz issue is closed! hahaha. oh man. uhhh. ya. so basically ya la. i think marrying young is limiting at times, cuz admit it, there are just some things you absolutely cannot, or maybe isn't that easy to do, if you're married. marriage is responsibilities. and for me now, i think i can't handle the few responsibilities i have at hand, so why laden myself with more?
but at the end of the day, i am happy for those girls from my primary school who are married and pregnant or already with kids. and sympathy for the girl getting divorced. i mean we all dream to love forever. face it. all of us, the playgirl, playboy ir the loyalists, will ALWAYS always think that, "oh this one is forever. this one is for keeps." all of us. but at the end of the day, we must remember that we can't tell the future and God works in His own ways. so we just CAN never know. we can work hard we can try we can pray but at the end of the day, there's no guarantee. i'm sure the girl getting divorced never had it in mind when she got married. worse, bet when she was 5 she dreamt a beautiful white wedding, a gallant hubby and many beautiful kids living in a wonderful happy home. but life is unpredictable.
and that doesn't mean it's bad. :)