I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
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Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
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Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
holding hands
before twenty fingers are interlinked
two souls must first intertwine.
which was exactly what i believed, our souls must have did,
before our palms were met in time.
lip to lip may mean a kiss
but a palm as one means bliss.
a kiss can be seen, as temptation's open door,
but two palms grasped together grasps more.
nothing of physical, not of the flesh
but one of emotional, security at best.
fingers interwoven, like the weaves of a basket,
linked loose but firm together, linked not by chance but fate.
two different souls are constantly overlapping
each destined for the other's holding.
two souls as one, like yours and mine,
two souls as one, like ours.
something from the past. heh heh heh. so cute la. so young. so lalala. love here love there love everywhere. everything was bliss the world was perfect all you need and want was in there in him and then... i define the moment where all goes wrong as lalalalalalalalala plop. where nothing really breaks or falls but it just. ends. :) and then you mope a little you mourn abit then you go on with life.
before twenty fingers are interlinked
two souls must first intertwine.
which was exactly what i believed, our souls must have did,
before our palms were met in time.
lip to lip may mean a kiss
but a palm as one means bliss.
a kiss can be seen, as temptation's open door,
but two palms grasped together grasps more.
nothing of physical, not of the flesh
but one of emotional, security at best.
fingers interwoven, like the weaves of a basket,
linked loose but firm together, linked not by chance but fate.
two different souls are constantly overlapping
each destined for the other's holding.
two souls as one, like yours and mine,
two souls as one, like ours.
something from the past. heh heh heh. so cute la. so young. so lalala. love here love there love everywhere. everything was bliss the world was perfect all you need and want was in there in him and then... i define the moment where all goes wrong as lalalalalalalalala plop. where nothing really breaks or falls but it just. ends. :) and then you mope a little you mourn abit then you go on with life.
it's been a wonderfully long day. i don't even know where to start gushing about today. let's start from morning ya.
i proudly did my laundry from 4- 6 a.m. and at 7 a.m. i was folding warm, dried, clean clothes. nothing speaks of happiness like a warm clean nice- smelling t- shirt. :)
yes i didn't sleep, which allowed me to be able to bathe at 8 a.m. and leave my room at 9 a.m. for a nice solo breakfast at macs. sausage mcmuffin and hot tea. i knew i was off to a good start.
finally attended the class i've been missing for the past few weeks. don't ask.
end of class went to UHWC to claim my medical bills, they will send me the cheque; cool. met khalid for lunch at YIH. i told him bout my sentosa plans and on a whim he decided to join me though he had to be back for class at 4 p.m.
so i went to the beach with khalid who left at 3.30 p.m. but i enjoyed your company anyway. some things are better shared in silence. or at least with muse blasting in the background. :)]
after he left i dozed off... then was awakened by a thousand kids running about. primary school excursion i think? led by a very cute malay teacher called cikgu zaini. aaaw- ness.
just lied down on the sand and dazed the seconds away. reminisce, contemplate, hum songs, close my eyes and recall images long gone... just recuperating.
snapped several pics. few will be posted in a bit. but the best bit of my sentosa outing would be...
while i was snapping pics of the beach, this very cute beach patrol lifeguard came up to me and said, "hi, you want me to help take pictures of you?" :) i said no thanks cuz i wasn't taking pictures of myself at that point anyway. but this led to a very long chit- chat session. his name is pang lai (which means help come in mandarin and i think it makes sense he's a lifeguard then), he's 25, he's a student at NYP and he lives at serangoon. oh, and he has saved 6 lives to date. :D
he then introduced me to several members of the beach patrol team and i was at one point surrounded by 4 half- naked lifeguards all sweaty and tanned. haha. now you wonder why my grin is so wide? nyehehe. they were sweet friendly people. and since i was at palawan beach which was going through severe reconstruction, i decided to walk back to siloso beach to wash up and change there. pang lai happened to be walking alongside me and his senior lifeguard suggested why not he drove me up to siloso which was quite a distance by foot, with their patrol buggy. :D:D:D UHUH. FIZA RODE A PATROL BUGGY TODAY. and pang lai drove me right up to the toilet entrance, amusing several at the toilet vicinity. haha. it really made my day. how often do you get to ride a beach patrol buggy with a lifeguard for no apparent reason other than cuz he can? haha.
me and pang lai in fast- moving buggy. :D
pang lai, your friendly beach patrol lifeguard who once punished unruly malay boys by making them do jumping jacks. haha.
post- beach i met mum at bugis to have dinner at, where else, wismangan. i was late and she was already in there when i arrived. and she was happily chatting away to waduhhh handsome banget wismangan boy. (i think some of you can tell where this is headed but i shall go on.)
so he took our orders and for some odd but good but i don't know what it is for sure reason, he gave us free desserts- sago gula melaka which rocks like crazy so you better go eat it.
sago gula melaka lazat berkrim disukai ramai.
over dinner conversation mum filled me in on what they chatted about. so he's taking a degree at Curtin. and the rest of the chatting was him asking about my mum and her family life and whatnots. hmm hmm. (now is a good time to point out that i am a total sucker for boys who can win over my mum. and this one clearly has.)
over dinner conversation then i jokingly asked her, is he married? if he isn't i want to propose. my mum, my dearest darling mum that i love with all my heart and soul, lifted her hand, gestured to my handsome boy, and said, "she asks if you're married. if you're not she wants to propose."
this being not the first time she embarasses me in front of a cute boy (she LOVES doing this at malay weddings), i just burst out laughing cuz he was a sport and laughed too. and he said no he wasn't. OH WHAT A RELIEF. -_-
this led to several marriage jokes between mum and him (more and MORE brownies points!). then when i was about to dig into my kuih lopis (yes after one free dessert i ordered another one- not free), i jemput my mum. i asked her if she wanted a bit and handsome boy who happened to be clearing my table at that time said HE wanted a bit. real cute. (well actually i think it is but i may be biased. ok fine i am.) more laughs and then he said he hadn't eaten yet (sohardworkinggoshmeltsmeltsemeltshehehe).
anyway mum packed our leftovers as always and while he was walking off she wanted to ask for something else so she asked for it then asked for his name. guess what? FAIZAL. come on people who know me and my wonderful life, LAUGH WITH ME.
so he walked off and i looked at mum, she looked at me, and i said, "why am i not surprised?" then she said ya la during your years faizal was a popular name. then i went off muttering, "ya and i have met a thousand of them. all the faizals hakims hadis hafizs faizals hakims hadis hafizs" and right in the midst of this rant he came and clear my table and he clearly heard but he just grinned (yes ok fine melt melt melt) and i just shut up. i was flustered. FLUSTERED! sheesh. i am such a girl today. bah. so anyway mum went oh this girl's name has an F too... and he went, "no la i want to know the boyfriend's name... what's your boyfriend name? can't be you don't have a boyfriend, so pretty and all. *magic grin which flusters fiza all the time*"
auuuuunghhh. cliche. but cute. smooth. and cute. daring. and cute. in front of my mum (!). who just BEAMED and looked at me expectantly as i did my nyeh face and said, "no... no boyfriends. too troublesome."
k then at the counter mum left me with him (nice going mum reallllll subtle moves you have up your sleeves) and their nets machine wasn't working and he whispered (i don't know why ok), "tell your mum pay cash ah... nets got problem la." then i went through her purse and saw only malaysian notes. so i said, "aiya. only got malaysian notes. can?" "ah can. you wait for me to open money changer k?" ok sorry pathetic flirting i know but haiya he makes me go all girly and crap. CRAP.
so anyhoos mum came back from her VERY long toilet visit. and he told her, "mak (mum), pay in cash can?" mum was all happy and "wahhhh since when i become your mum ah *beam beam*" then took out a DIFFERENT purse and paid cash. then we left. to go to our new home where we spent two hours in the empty space just imagining and getting all excited about how it'll look like. that's why i'm back so late.
happy tanning girl.
look at the reflections on my shade. all sunshine and palm trees. do you blame me for that wide grin?
walking away and looking back.
paradise by day...
paradise by night.
and now i am happy. no not JUST because of the two boys la. i sorted out my thoughts, feelings, dreams, ideals. i calmed down. i'm soothed.
healed.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
why i love msn
me and hizuan rarely talk, but when we do we spout lovely crap.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: u saw me when i was sitting by the steps eating oldchangs or when i walked
Me: when you stand.
Me: haha.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: oh haha
Me: you were looking for someone or sth la.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: huh issit
Me: no ah?
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha i was with my friends.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: look for what isal
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: *sial
Me: hahaha
Me: look for your lost virginity
Me: how i know
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: eh if i die now and ure to give a testimonial what would u say bout me
Me: wan was a funny talented boy with a mind of his own.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha ok
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: why all good stuff one
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: never bad stuff
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha
Me: and wan was annoying.
Me: cuz u died mah
Me: must be nice
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: dua tiga monyet sedang tido, ape si berok ini tengah buat malam malam buta
Me: monyet pikir pasal hari bunga mahal dan dunia jadi merah
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: eh my malay correct not
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: no, u berok.
Me: oh sorry. berok pikir monyet sebok
Me: haha
due to the uncensored content of this conversation, this person i am conversing with shall remain anonymous. nyahaha.
anonymous: have u seen this local porn?
anonymous: this malay guy lost his fone
anonymous: he got video of him and his gf
anonymous: doin it
Me: oh my godddddd
anonymous: nampak muka and all sey (can see his face and all)
Me: i want!!!
Me: send!
anonymous: later i show u next time
anonymous: pompuan badan baik (the girl had a hot body)
anoymous: lawarrrrrrr (pretty)
anonymous: tetek besttttt (nice tits)
anonymous: arrggggh (orgasmic noise. hahahaha.)
anonymous: hahahhaha
Me: hahahaahhaha
Me: GROSSSSS
Me: but wow
Me: haha
Me: local porn.
anonymous: reallyy
anonymous: tetek best la (nice tits- he insist.)
anonymous: haha
Me: silicone?
Me: or natural?
Me: saggy?
anonymous: sometimes i forget u're a gerl
Me: ya i know
Me: i tink because i forget too
Me: haha
and then of course, there's DIZZIE (got it right this time) who is always up for talking nonsense at wee hours.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: eh where's that condom pic
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: very nice lahh
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i like u in a condom
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahahhahahahahahha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u should wrap urself up in a condom one day
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i want to see
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i bet u can fit in one
Me: oi
Me: ngarut ah! (nonsense!)
Me: diam ah (shut up!)
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: haha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i love u
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u like the chocolates?
Me: i love u too!
Me: yes!
Me: sedap
Me: goes with epok epok sardin (goes with sardine puffs)
and of course it never ends there.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i wld like to wrap u in a pink condom
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: strawberry flavoured
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: with ribbed texture on the outside
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahahahahahahha
Me: ew.
Me: why must strawberry one
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: cos i like
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: and u exude strawberriness
Me: noooooo
Me: chocolate condom
Me: ade tak? (got or not)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i dunno
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: kiter buat ah (we make ah)
Me: i'm turning paranoid
Me: i'm becoming a girl la!!!
Me: all his fault.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: good la
Me: nooo
Me: i hate it
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i'm sick of u always alluding urself to a guy
oh and this is a classic. this was after i took pictures of my slammed pinky and i was panicking over what to do while waiting for mum. yes, i was msn- ing with a blasted pinky. i rock i know, thank you. *curtseys*
Me: I SLAMEED THE DOOR ON MY FINGER'THE NAIL CMAEO FFF' (this is terrible spelling. that's i slammed the door on my finger the nail came off.)
Me: ITSNWOSHANGINGBYTHESKINN (it's now hanging by the skin.)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: gawddddddd
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: bleeding?
Me: yes
Me: i dunno what to doo
Me: the whole thing is swollen
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: icee
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: got ice?
Me: noooo
Me: theres blood
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: lerrr
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u need ice
Me: and stuff
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: how do u manage to type?
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: one hand?
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: try to wrap with tissue first or something..
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: to stop bleeding
Me: cannnottt
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: pressure first
Me: the nail is outtttt
Me: terkluarrrr (it came outtttttttt!)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: errr
Me: sakiiiittfg (painful!)
Me: yjghjb'
haha. thank you baby. sometimes i think i don't appreciate you enough. think? no wait. i don't. so sorry dear. but you know you're special. love ya.
me and hizuan rarely talk, but when we do we spout lovely crap.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: u saw me when i was sitting by the steps eating oldchangs or when i walked
Me: when you stand.
Me: haha.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: oh haha
Me: you were looking for someone or sth la.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: huh issit
Me: no ah?
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha i was with my friends.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: look for what isal
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: *sial
Me: hahaha
Me: look for your lost virginity
Me: how i know
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: eh if i die now and ure to give a testimonial what would u say bout me
Me: wan was a funny talented boy with a mind of his own.
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha ok
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: why all good stuff one
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: never bad stuff
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: haha
Me: and wan was annoying.
Me: cuz u died mah
Me: must be nice
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: dua tiga monyet sedang tido, ape si berok ini tengah buat malam malam buta
Me: monyet pikir pasal hari bunga mahal dan dunia jadi merah
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: eh my malay correct not
my hairy valentine forgot to shave again tonight: no, u berok.
Me: oh sorry. berok pikir monyet sebok
Me: haha
due to the uncensored content of this conversation, this person i am conversing with shall remain anonymous. nyahaha.
anonymous: have u seen this local porn?
anonymous: this malay guy lost his fone
anonymous: he got video of him and his gf
anonymous: doin it
Me: oh my godddddd
anonymous: nampak muka and all sey (can see his face and all)
Me: i want!!!
Me: send!
anonymous: later i show u next time
anonymous: pompuan badan baik (the girl had a hot body)
anoymous: lawarrrrrrr (pretty)
anonymous: tetek besttttt (nice tits)
anonymous: arrggggh (orgasmic noise. hahahaha.)
anonymous: hahahhaha
Me: hahahaahhaha
Me: GROSSSSS
Me: but wow
Me: haha
Me: local porn.
anonymous: reallyy
anonymous: tetek best la (nice tits- he insist.)
anonymous: haha
Me: silicone?
Me: or natural?
Me: saggy?
anonymous: sometimes i forget u're a gerl
Me: ya i know
Me: i tink because i forget too
Me: haha
and then of course, there's DIZZIE (got it right this time) who is always up for talking nonsense at wee hours.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: eh where's that condom pic
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: very nice lahh
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i like u in a condom
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahahhahahahahahha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u should wrap urself up in a condom one day
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i want to see
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i bet u can fit in one
Me: oi
Me: ngarut ah! (nonsense!)
Me: diam ah (shut up!)
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: haha
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i love u
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u like the chocolates?
Me: i love u too!
Me: yes!
Me: sedap
Me: goes with epok epok sardin (goes with sardine puffs)
and of course it never ends there.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i wld like to wrap u in a pink condom
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: strawberry flavoured
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: with ribbed texture on the outside
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: hahahahahahahha
Me: ew.
Me: why must strawberry one
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: cos i like
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: and u exude strawberriness
Me: noooooo
Me: chocolate condom
Me: ade tak? (got or not)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i dunno
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: kiter buat ah (we make ah)
Me: i'm turning paranoid
Me: i'm becoming a girl la!!!
Me: all his fault.
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: good la
Me: nooo
Me: i hate it
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: i'm sick of u always alluding urself to a guy
oh and this is a classic. this was after i took pictures of my slammed pinky and i was panicking over what to do while waiting for mum. yes, i was msn- ing with a blasted pinky. i rock i know, thank you. *curtseys*
Me: I SLAMEED THE DOOR ON MY FINGER'THE NAIL CMAEO FFF' (this is terrible spelling. that's i slammed the door on my finger the nail came off.)
Me: ITSNWOSHANGINGBYTHESKINN (it's now hanging by the skin.)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: gawddddddd
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: bleeding?
Me: yes
Me: i dunno what to doo
Me: the whole thing is swollen
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: icee
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: got ice?
Me: noooo
Me: theres blood
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: lerrr
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: u need ice
Me: and stuff
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: how do u manage to type?
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: one hand?
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: try to wrap with tissue first or something..
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: to stop bleeding
Me: cannnottt
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: pressure first
Me: the nail is outtttt
Me: terkluarrrr (it came outtttttttt!)
facial masks --- source of claustrophobia: errr
Me: sakiiiittfg (painful!)
Me: yjghjb'
haha. thank you baby. sometimes i think i don't appreciate you enough. think? no wait. i don't. so sorry dear. but you know you're special. love ya.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
it turns 2!
well well well. my bloggie have served me well for two years as of today. happy birthday bloggie, wish us more tears, joy and laughter in the years to come. you're the best friend a girl can have. muacks.
last night's emo bit made me foggy- eyed and in so doing i accidentally slammed the fridge door against the all- too- famous pinky. don't worry it's fine cuz it was bandaged but it was throbbing so i took the painkillers that i took only twice before because it makes me damn high and i don't like that. and of course, i was knocked out flat and woke up at 2 today when i have geog tutorial at, well, 2. all's well end's well i still went, albeit an hour late. :D
oh oh oh! guess WHAT! cuz i bathed without wrapping the bandaged pinky in plastic (i was late lor) the bandage got a wee bit wet. then when soci lecture was about to begin i was playing with my pinky and WHOOPS! the bandage came loose! there was 2 options; slot it back in as dizzy was telling me to OR just tug it right off. tug- cuz it was a wee bit stuck on, what else, dried blood. so for a grand five minutes i had a pinky with a dangling bandage and laughing away cuz dizzy kept muttering "don't take out wait the blood spurt everywhere how?!" and i thought that was a funny mental image so i laughed then i realized i had to do something so i just tug and tug, pause to show dizzy the gross skin/ blood/ gauze combo, tug some more and WALLA! naked pinky sees the WORLD! hello pinky! hello world!
anyway it was wet and pink and i don't know. it kinda reminded me of a newborn kitten. so anyway lecture started so i wrote away, with the naked pinky. :D
post- lecture was group meeting. then i met sha. initially i wanted to go fort canning after the meeting. just sit there and have some much- needed alone time. i shared sha this plans and she decided that i was in no state to spend a night alone. so post- meeting WE went for dinner at constant craving and some shopping. retail therapy is THE cure.
thanks sha. for listening. for sharing the quiet moments for understanding the anger the sadness. everything la.
OH! *NEWS!* haha. i stepped on a bapok's/ transvestite's slippers tonight! wahaha. she (?) (he? it? sheit?) gave me the eye. like you know, you think cuz you were born with real boobs you can step ALLLL (cue for finger and head wobble ala divas) over my slippers huh, GIRLFRIEND? nyeh you and your cheap ugly rubber slippers. and your ugly red- painted toenails. ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy. hoo whee!
when walking back through my main lobby there were a bunch of blacks sitting on the steps and the started wolf- whistling and one of them chatted me up. now THAT'S progress, once mats now blacks. anyhoos i ignored them politely with a smile and they made random guttural noises. and now i'm wondering why is my life so retarded. even going back late on- campus is not a good idea now. it's like back home at chua chu kang going back home was like being in a kampung melayu cuz all these mats will bug you. and now i've progressed somehow, cuz i now live in the ghetto and next thing you know i'm dodging bullets and witnessing drive- by shootings. my my what a life.
THE pinky of all pinkies. :D
tomorrow i am headed to sentosa to have some alone time. just me the sun the sand the sea and thom gunn- the man in night sweats.
no one heals wounds quite like you do, ayah
well well well. my bloggie have served me well for two years as of today. happy birthday bloggie, wish us more tears, joy and laughter in the years to come. you're the best friend a girl can have. muacks.
last night's emo bit made me foggy- eyed and in so doing i accidentally slammed the fridge door against the all- too- famous pinky. don't worry it's fine cuz it was bandaged but it was throbbing so i took the painkillers that i took only twice before because it makes me damn high and i don't like that. and of course, i was knocked out flat and woke up at 2 today when i have geog tutorial at, well, 2. all's well end's well i still went, albeit an hour late. :D
oh oh oh! guess WHAT! cuz i bathed without wrapping the bandaged pinky in plastic (i was late lor) the bandage got a wee bit wet. then when soci lecture was about to begin i was playing with my pinky and WHOOPS! the bandage came loose! there was 2 options; slot it back in as dizzy was telling me to OR just tug it right off. tug- cuz it was a wee bit stuck on, what else, dried blood. so for a grand five minutes i had a pinky with a dangling bandage and laughing away cuz dizzy kept muttering "don't take out wait the blood spurt everywhere how?!" and i thought that was a funny mental image so i laughed then i realized i had to do something so i just tug and tug, pause to show dizzy the gross skin/ blood/ gauze combo, tug some more and WALLA! naked pinky sees the WORLD! hello pinky! hello world!
anyway it was wet and pink and i don't know. it kinda reminded me of a newborn kitten. so anyway lecture started so i wrote away, with the naked pinky. :D
post- lecture was group meeting. then i met sha. initially i wanted to go fort canning after the meeting. just sit there and have some much- needed alone time. i shared sha this plans and she decided that i was in no state to spend a night alone. so post- meeting WE went for dinner at constant craving and some shopping. retail therapy is THE cure.
thanks sha. for listening. for sharing the quiet moments for understanding the anger the sadness. everything la.
OH! *NEWS!* haha. i stepped on a bapok's/ transvestite's slippers tonight! wahaha. she (?) (he? it? sheit?) gave me the eye. like you know, you think cuz you were born with real boobs you can step ALLLL (cue for finger and head wobble ala divas) over my slippers huh, GIRLFRIEND? nyeh you and your cheap ugly rubber slippers. and your ugly red- painted toenails. ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy. hoo whee!
when walking back through my main lobby there were a bunch of blacks sitting on the steps and the started wolf- whistling and one of them chatted me up. now THAT'S progress, once mats now blacks. anyhoos i ignored them politely with a smile and they made random guttural noises. and now i'm wondering why is my life so retarded. even going back late on- campus is not a good idea now. it's like back home at chua chu kang going back home was like being in a kampung melayu cuz all these mats will bug you. and now i've progressed somehow, cuz i now live in the ghetto and next thing you know i'm dodging bullets and witnessing drive- by shootings. my my what a life.
THE pinky of all pinkies. :D
tomorrow i am headed to sentosa to have some alone time. just me the sun the sand the sea and thom gunn- the man in night sweats.
no one heals wounds quite like you do, ayah
Monday, March 28, 2005
disillusionment
is it just me being ungrateful or is the system really not cut for me? maybe i'm just lazy. *shrugs* we'll see how it goes. i really have no drive now to push hard and work for my dreams; maybe cuz i don't know what that dream is anymore.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Papa Roach; Scars.
for an angsty rock- wannabe band they've actually produced some good songs lately.
but since i AM just back from malaysia where i spent 4 days and 4 nights with my favouritest cousin in the world, clearly, i am temporarily hooked on the oh- so- classic IKLIM. wah lao eh damn feeling can their songs. luckily i'm not a smoker or else i'll be swaying my lighter in the air already. such classics. iklim songs makes me cry because they're all SO SAD. SAAAAAAD.
Dengan sayap impian
Ingin terbang ke sana
Membawa cinta sebesar dunia
Apa jua milikku dan kutahu
Hanya untukmu
Iklim; Di Pintu Mahligai.
daaaaaaaaaamn feeling can. want to have wings (sayap) and fly (terbang) to me with love as big as the world (dunia). waaaaaaaaaah. so touching lor.
gone. now i'm starting to listen to all these classic malay rock songs. damn 80s. how we used to sing these songs. it reminds me of my dad cuz he used to be so funny when he sings karaoke cuz he will just sing his own style, usually keroncong (old indonesian/ malay cultural tune) la, despite the actual genre of the song. so be it rock or a ballad or whatever, he would keroncongise it. oh those days. when a family was all i had and it was all that mattered.
i fiercely miss my dad. i use fiercely cuz that's how it is. it is not a calm, sombre feeling. i miss him so much i want to grab him and pull him and put him here beside me so he can't go anywhere again. i miss him so much i want to beg god to give me him and take away everything else in this life cuz all i want is my dad. i miss my dad so much i dare not keep his picture in my room or wallet anymore cuz each time i look at it it burns. i miss him so much that i want to tear down NUH for taking him away from me. i want to throttle the doctor who never saved my dad. i want to rewind everything and have my life played out differently. if i donate all my material belongings and live so sparsely and not be in a university and just give everything i have away, can i have my dad in exchange? can death please not be so final? can't death be like divorce or a break- up? why must death take away so much?
i miss you so much but i am so afraid to visit your grave cuz visiting it is to make it real. is to admit to myself over and over again that you are not here but i want you here. i can't even remember anything anymore. you've been gone for too long. are you ever coming back?
i don't dare visit your grave because i can't face you. i don't think i have lived my life the way you would have wanted me too. i have done so much wrong but at the same time i miss you so much. i don't want to look at you in pictures or in videos. i don't want to talk about you or read about you or see you in my dreams. i want to touch you and hold your hand and sit on your lap again. i want to live in my old house again just so i can see that door gate where you will pop your head in and go assalamualaikum each night you came home. i want to have that sofa you sat on and the coffee table where you put your feet up and then watch you doze off. i want to see you come out of the room after your shower and see you in your kain pelikat, the brown one that i love so much but i am too scared to see now.
i am so sorry. i am so sorry for never telling you i love you. i was such a stupid kid. i am still that stupid kid. if only you will come back i promise i will change. please come back. i am so sorry for all the times when i could have talked to you but i kept quiet instead. i am so sorry for all the times i didn't do my homework. i'm sorry for the time when i taught you how to play a computer game and it gave you a headache. i am sorry for being what i am now. i am sorry i turned out this way. but please if you'll just come back i will be a better person. i really will be. you don't even have to stay long but just come back. so that i can remember your face and how you look like. so that i can hear your voice. your voice. i forgot your voice. come back and drive me and mum around again. let me fake sleep in the car again so that you can lift me up to home again. please give me you.
i just want to have you. i just want you to be here. i just want your presence. physical. i don't care if you're watching over me now it's not good enough. i need more and i am not getting it. i want you to talk to me. i want to see you. i am sick of waiting.
when will you be back? how much longer do i have to wait? why did you go. why did god take you. what makes you think i can do it without you. this is not doing it. this is not what i want or need or whatever. if you were here it'll be different. and i want you to be here.
i don't want higher education or a dorm or a car or a licence or a bike or anything at all in the world if you would just come back. for awhile. just so i know. just so i can know again what you were like. were.
i hate death. i hate how death took you away from me. i hate how people leave. why didn't you tell me you were going? why didn't you explain to me what death was? 8 years later and sometimes i still feel like i never came to understand death.
i know all the crap about redha and letting you go and letting you rest in peace. i pray for you. i shower you with al- fatehas. but for just one moment can you please come back. can you please come here for a bit and remind me what i had.
i miss you. ayah. fi rindu ayah. ayah balik la...
is it just me being ungrateful or is the system really not cut for me? maybe i'm just lazy. *shrugs* we'll see how it goes. i really have no drive now to push hard and work for my dreams; maybe cuz i don't know what that dream is anymore.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Papa Roach; Scars.
for an angsty rock- wannabe band they've actually produced some good songs lately.
but since i AM just back from malaysia where i spent 4 days and 4 nights with my favouritest cousin in the world, clearly, i am temporarily hooked on the oh- so- classic IKLIM. wah lao eh damn feeling can their songs. luckily i'm not a smoker or else i'll be swaying my lighter in the air already. such classics. iklim songs makes me cry because they're all SO SAD. SAAAAAAD.
Dengan sayap impian
Ingin terbang ke sana
Membawa cinta sebesar dunia
Apa jua milikku dan kutahu
Hanya untukmu
Iklim; Di Pintu Mahligai.
daaaaaaaaaamn feeling can. want to have wings (sayap) and fly (terbang) to me with love as big as the world (dunia). waaaaaaaaaah. so touching lor.
gone. now i'm starting to listen to all these classic malay rock songs. damn 80s. how we used to sing these songs. it reminds me of my dad cuz he used to be so funny when he sings karaoke cuz he will just sing his own style, usually keroncong (old indonesian/ malay cultural tune) la, despite the actual genre of the song. so be it rock or a ballad or whatever, he would keroncongise it. oh those days. when a family was all i had and it was all that mattered.
i fiercely miss my dad. i use fiercely cuz that's how it is. it is not a calm, sombre feeling. i miss him so much i want to grab him and pull him and put him here beside me so he can't go anywhere again. i miss him so much i want to beg god to give me him and take away everything else in this life cuz all i want is my dad. i miss my dad so much i dare not keep his picture in my room or wallet anymore cuz each time i look at it it burns. i miss him so much that i want to tear down NUH for taking him away from me. i want to throttle the doctor who never saved my dad. i want to rewind everything and have my life played out differently. if i donate all my material belongings and live so sparsely and not be in a university and just give everything i have away, can i have my dad in exchange? can death please not be so final? can't death be like divorce or a break- up? why must death take away so much?
i miss you so much but i am so afraid to visit your grave cuz visiting it is to make it real. is to admit to myself over and over again that you are not here but i want you here. i can't even remember anything anymore. you've been gone for too long. are you ever coming back?
i don't dare visit your grave because i can't face you. i don't think i have lived my life the way you would have wanted me too. i have done so much wrong but at the same time i miss you so much. i don't want to look at you in pictures or in videos. i don't want to talk about you or read about you or see you in my dreams. i want to touch you and hold your hand and sit on your lap again. i want to live in my old house again just so i can see that door gate where you will pop your head in and go assalamualaikum each night you came home. i want to have that sofa you sat on and the coffee table where you put your feet up and then watch you doze off. i want to see you come out of the room after your shower and see you in your kain pelikat, the brown one that i love so much but i am too scared to see now.
i am so sorry. i am so sorry for never telling you i love you. i was such a stupid kid. i am still that stupid kid. if only you will come back i promise i will change. please come back. i am so sorry for all the times when i could have talked to you but i kept quiet instead. i am so sorry for all the times i didn't do my homework. i'm sorry for the time when i taught you how to play a computer game and it gave you a headache. i am sorry for being what i am now. i am sorry i turned out this way. but please if you'll just come back i will be a better person. i really will be. you don't even have to stay long but just come back. so that i can remember your face and how you look like. so that i can hear your voice. your voice. i forgot your voice. come back and drive me and mum around again. let me fake sleep in the car again so that you can lift me up to home again. please give me you.
i just want to have you. i just want you to be here. i just want your presence. physical. i don't care if you're watching over me now it's not good enough. i need more and i am not getting it. i want you to talk to me. i want to see you. i am sick of waiting.
when will you be back? how much longer do i have to wait? why did you go. why did god take you. what makes you think i can do it without you. this is not doing it. this is not what i want or need or whatever. if you were here it'll be different. and i want you to be here.
i don't want higher education or a dorm or a car or a licence or a bike or anything at all in the world if you would just come back. for awhile. just so i know. just so i can know again what you were like. were.
i hate death. i hate how death took you away from me. i hate how people leave. why didn't you tell me you were going? why didn't you explain to me what death was? 8 years later and sometimes i still feel like i never came to understand death.
i know all the crap about redha and letting you go and letting you rest in peace. i pray for you. i shower you with al- fatehas. but for just one moment can you please come back. can you please come here for a bit and remind me what i had.
i miss you. ayah. fi rindu ayah. ayah balik la...
so i hear sentosa has no more monorails.
i feel so... disoriented? deprived? i feel violated. i feel like i've been raped of something.
i declare this a blitzkrieg.
sentosa will look so naked. and i can't help but beat myself up for not going sentosa before it was stripped off it's veins.
i want to cry because it is a loss.
because i attach myself to physical, non- human things. things that can't talk back or leave or hurt your feelings.
and now they rid me of that option. they tell me that no, inanimate objects can disappear too. they too can leave like humans do.
i feel so... disoriented? deprived? i feel violated. i feel like i've been raped of something.
i declare this a blitzkrieg.
sentosa will look so naked. and i can't help but beat myself up for not going sentosa before it was stripped off it's veins.
i want to cry because it is a loss.
because i attach myself to physical, non- human things. things that can't talk back or leave or hurt your feelings.
and now they rid me of that option. they tell me that no, inanimate objects can disappear too. they too can leave like humans do.
pictures taken between 6- 7 a.m. in P.D.
i can only laugh. i will explain later.
very vulgar cooking show. why? look closer.
topi konek. hahahahaha. (dick hat.)
let's exercise!
amma.
hana demanded i posted pics, thinking i had more scenic pics of sunset ala last trip to PD. unfortunately, this time i was whacked.
i can only laugh. i will explain later.
very vulgar cooking show. why? look closer.
topi konek. hahahahaha. (dick hat.)
let's exercise!
amma.
hana demanded i posted pics, thinking i had more scenic pics of sunset ala last trip to PD. unfortunately, this time i was whacked.
of coming back home
As it turned out I never did go to KL cuz I thought hey, that’ll mean shopping and town, which is like Singapore all over again. So I spent my last afternoon in the village and went visiting. Sat in Wak Puteh’s house and listened to her tell stories on her late dad who planted yam at the front of their old house, and how her gorgeous chickens were actually pretty annoying cuz they (literally) shit at her doorway, all this while sipping hot tea and munching milky Marie biscuits. Beat THAT. And of course, all this accompanied by random tweeting birds and cockerel’s crowing.
Post- chit chat session we drove down to their ‘town’ of sorts to have lunch then look around. Added two more cars to my toy car collection. I am the proud owner of a brand new Volkswagen Beetle and a Peugeot 206 CC. We then dropped by another of my cousin’s friend’s place to celebrate some kid’s birthday. Village life is such bliss.
It’s one and a half hour away to my departure. Like always, I am not ready to go home. I am not ready to return to my empty room. I am not ready to go back and face all I left behind. Not ready.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
but whatever it is i AM home after a disturbingly long bus ride from seremban. the guy who sat beside me in the bus was this huge fat chinese man that made me feel really really claustrophobic and he smelt AWWWWFUL. and he was really really huge. his arm was as big as my thigh. he looked like a wrestler and he wore sunglasses and he freaked me out so much i dreamt (yes i sleep in buses) that i was ghost- hunting with my friend and then we actually came to a sloping road and there was a ghost- a girl in school uniform with THREE plaits on her head and her head was wobbling side- to- side like her neck was loose or something. and for some odd reason i didn't run in the dream, i sat on the slope and started muttering prayers. now ain't that great, i'm weird in my dreams too.
it is great to be home but it was sad to leave P.D. i never cry when i left singapore but when the bus reversed out of the depot at seremban, i teared. i don't hate home of course. i just wish i never made things so difficult for myself sometimes.
anyway to take a leaf out of my cousin's books, everything in life is destined. we plan, God does the rest. the best we can do is work hard, try hard, pray hard. and try not to take life for granted cuz as i should know myself, life is fleeting and any breathe i take could possibly be the last. so in case these are my last words, i wanna tell all my blog- readers i love you guys so much for appreciating my crap. and for those who are more than mere readers and have been a friend and more to me;
you know i love you. ;)
p.s.: i know there is seemingly loads of entries but they are all different kinda entries. if you're looking for funny i'll recommend the toilet and pinky entries. skip the emo bits, yeah. *thumbs up*
As it turned out I never did go to KL cuz I thought hey, that’ll mean shopping and town, which is like Singapore all over again. So I spent my last afternoon in the village and went visiting. Sat in Wak Puteh’s house and listened to her tell stories on her late dad who planted yam at the front of their old house, and how her gorgeous chickens were actually pretty annoying cuz they (literally) shit at her doorway, all this while sipping hot tea and munching milky Marie biscuits. Beat THAT. And of course, all this accompanied by random tweeting birds and cockerel’s crowing.
Post- chit chat session we drove down to their ‘town’ of sorts to have lunch then look around. Added two more cars to my toy car collection. I am the proud owner of a brand new Volkswagen Beetle and a Peugeot 206 CC. We then dropped by another of my cousin’s friend’s place to celebrate some kid’s birthday. Village life is such bliss.
It’s one and a half hour away to my departure. Like always, I am not ready to go home. I am not ready to return to my empty room. I am not ready to go back and face all I left behind. Not ready.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
but whatever it is i AM home after a disturbingly long bus ride from seremban. the guy who sat beside me in the bus was this huge fat chinese man that made me feel really really claustrophobic and he smelt AWWWWFUL. and he was really really huge. his arm was as big as my thigh. he looked like a wrestler and he wore sunglasses and he freaked me out so much i dreamt (yes i sleep in buses) that i was ghost- hunting with my friend and then we actually came to a sloping road and there was a ghost- a girl in school uniform with THREE plaits on her head and her head was wobbling side- to- side like her neck was loose or something. and for some odd reason i didn't run in the dream, i sat on the slope and started muttering prayers. now ain't that great, i'm weird in my dreams too.
it is great to be home but it was sad to leave P.D. i never cry when i left singapore but when the bus reversed out of the depot at seremban, i teared. i don't hate home of course. i just wish i never made things so difficult for myself sometimes.
anyway to take a leaf out of my cousin's books, everything in life is destined. we plan, God does the rest. the best we can do is work hard, try hard, pray hard. and try not to take life for granted cuz as i should know myself, life is fleeting and any breathe i take could possibly be the last. so in case these are my last words, i wanna tell all my blog- readers i love you guys so much for appreciating my crap. and for those who are more than mere readers and have been a friend and more to me;
you know i love you. ;)
p.s.: i know there is seemingly loads of entries but they are all different kinda entries. if you're looking for funny i'll recommend the toilet and pinky entries. skip the emo bits, yeah. *thumbs up*
of you who should not matter but unfortunately, does
If it’s any help I am sorry if I ever did hurt you. You have to understand it didn’t cross my mind then that you being hurt was a possibility. I am not acting dumb. I really am that clueless. It just occurred to me here now in P.D that maybe me doing what I did with firr hurt your feelings. And maybe I was too rash with everything. But at least I was honest- you have to give me that. And I never did run away.
So I apologize now for being slow in realizing you too have feelings and for hurting those very feelings that I thought were non- existent. But you never said it hurt and I took your word for it cuz that’s how I am. But maybe I tend to forget that we have possibly the biggest two egos in the world. So maybe even if you were hurt you didn’t want to tell me. Or maybe now I am just jumping to conclusions and you were really actually not hurt. But either way, I AM sorry. If I DID hurt you.
Cuz if I were you I would be hurt but you’re not me. And if I were you I might take forever to forgive but again, you’re not me. And if I were you, this space thing could last forever even if I’m dying to meet you again for ice- cream and a good laugh simply cuz I love to give jerks a good torture (yes I just called myself a jerk). But you’re not me. So I’ll leave it to you. But if it’s worth anything, I really am truly sorry.
If it’s any help I am sorry if I ever did hurt you. You have to understand it didn’t cross my mind then that you being hurt was a possibility. I am not acting dumb. I really am that clueless. It just occurred to me here now in P.D that maybe me doing what I did with firr hurt your feelings. And maybe I was too rash with everything. But at least I was honest- you have to give me that. And I never did run away.
So I apologize now for being slow in realizing you too have feelings and for hurting those very feelings that I thought were non- existent. But you never said it hurt and I took your word for it cuz that’s how I am. But maybe I tend to forget that we have possibly the biggest two egos in the world. So maybe even if you were hurt you didn’t want to tell me. Or maybe now I am just jumping to conclusions and you were really actually not hurt. But either way, I AM sorry. If I DID hurt you.
Cuz if I were you I would be hurt but you’re not me. And if I were you I might take forever to forgive but again, you’re not me. And if I were you, this space thing could last forever even if I’m dying to meet you again for ice- cream and a good laugh simply cuz I love to give jerks a good torture (yes I just called myself a jerk). But you’re not me. So I’ll leave it to you. But if it’s worth anything, I really am truly sorry.
a nail- less pinky is a pinky nonetheless
Well I didn’t die pinky- less after all, but now I just might die with a nail- less pinky. Would wonder never cease? Now don’t answer that. So after taking off the bandage and showing off my battle wound to my cousin he decided it was too gross to be left alone (in his words, WOI kuku kau dah berterabur tu!- I really can’t translate this properly, it’s something like OI your nail is going all over the place) and he dragged me to the clinic with the intention of making the doctor pluck off the nail that is, as mentioned, dead and previously dangling.
When we went there the doctor was dead sure that the nail got to go or else the dead nail will forever be stuck on my skin and the whole thing would become really gross and there’ll be pus and infection and other magically disturbing medical terms I refuse to recall. So into the operation room I went (yes the clinic had this small cute operation room). First she cleaned the dried blood around it that the medic at NUH didn’t think of cleaning, and then she took out the famous kidney- shaped bowl, a scissor- like object and several prongs of sorts. I felt a desperate urge to pee (this is a good time to point out the fact that me wanting to pee was what led to the whole slammed- pinky fiasco). She poked and prodded with the scissors- like contraption and then she slowly, from the bed of the nail, pushed the nail upwards. She asked if it was painful and would I like anesthesia. I recalled the pain I felt the moments after I slammed it and realize that no amount of pain can beat that so I forgo the injection (besides I’ve got a wee bit of needlephobia. Just a WEE bit.)
So she continued prodding it, up up and it reached the point where the nail was really stuck onto the skin and she had to push harder and the urge to pee also became stronger. But soon the nail was rid off. I was tempted to ask her for the dead nail (you know, for evidence and photographic purposes) but I guess there is really no need to reveal to the world my psychotic tendencies. The problem with finally getting rid of the nail was I had to come face to face with a naked pinky. And EEEWWWEEEEYUCK. I am telling you now IT IS GROSS. The skin was pink but wah hey! There’s a laceration! YES! The maestros at NUH totally missed my cut pinky! They just covered it with my nail! I will never trust NUH EVER EVER again. That’s why it never stopped bleeding cuz the skin inside had a cut. Sob.
Then the doctor cleaned THAT cut which by the way, is in the shape of V (for VICTORY! Oh victorious ME for slamming the door on my PINKY!), with gauze and alcohol. After several winces later the horror was over, the cut was cleaned and she placed a antibiotic- laced gauze on it, then wrapped it tight. And then she covered it with this netted thingamajick that looks like the nets you usually see on fruits at the market. So now I have a cute fruit –wrapped pinky. Hooo wheee. It costs a mere 10 ringgit, which is 5 dollars to us Singaporeans. Yes! $5 to have your nail peeled off! WHAT a bargain!
Anyway after the whole OPERATION, haha, I called mum. Hey mum I went to the doctor and she got rid of the nail. Mum: oh wow ok. Are you ok? Was it painful? -_- and this kind of question require this kind of answer: tak la macam makan kacang MESTILAH SAKIT! (no la it was like eating peanuts OF COURSE IT WAS PAINFUL!) me, my cousin and his friend then headed to senawang for dinner. Ate a fried seafood platter that was absolutely delicious, and eggs and cockles and Japanese beancurd and god knows what else.
They then bought me chocolates for being a terrer muffin who didn’t cry. :) I didn’t bother pointing out that I was 20 and they shouldn’t be rewarding me for not crying but hey, a girl shouldn’t say no to chocolates. And now it’s my last night here and I can’t help but think that I really actually belong here. Each time I come here and when the time comes to go back home I dread it. I like village life. But emo- shit aside, tomorrow is me in KL and that only means;
SHOPPING. Mwahahaha.
Well I didn’t die pinky- less after all, but now I just might die with a nail- less pinky. Would wonder never cease? Now don’t answer that. So after taking off the bandage and showing off my battle wound to my cousin he decided it was too gross to be left alone (in his words, WOI kuku kau dah berterabur tu!- I really can’t translate this properly, it’s something like OI your nail is going all over the place) and he dragged me to the clinic with the intention of making the doctor pluck off the nail that is, as mentioned, dead and previously dangling.
When we went there the doctor was dead sure that the nail got to go or else the dead nail will forever be stuck on my skin and the whole thing would become really gross and there’ll be pus and infection and other magically disturbing medical terms I refuse to recall. So into the operation room I went (yes the clinic had this small cute operation room). First she cleaned the dried blood around it that the medic at NUH didn’t think of cleaning, and then she took out the famous kidney- shaped bowl, a scissor- like object and several prongs of sorts. I felt a desperate urge to pee (this is a good time to point out the fact that me wanting to pee was what led to the whole slammed- pinky fiasco). She poked and prodded with the scissors- like contraption and then she slowly, from the bed of the nail, pushed the nail upwards. She asked if it was painful and would I like anesthesia. I recalled the pain I felt the moments after I slammed it and realize that no amount of pain can beat that so I forgo the injection (besides I’ve got a wee bit of needlephobia. Just a WEE bit.)
So she continued prodding it, up up and it reached the point where the nail was really stuck onto the skin and she had to push harder and the urge to pee also became stronger. But soon the nail was rid off. I was tempted to ask her for the dead nail (you know, for evidence and photographic purposes) but I guess there is really no need to reveal to the world my psychotic tendencies. The problem with finally getting rid of the nail was I had to come face to face with a naked pinky. And EEEWWWEEEEYUCK. I am telling you now IT IS GROSS. The skin was pink but wah hey! There’s a laceration! YES! The maestros at NUH totally missed my cut pinky! They just covered it with my nail! I will never trust NUH EVER EVER again. That’s why it never stopped bleeding cuz the skin inside had a cut. Sob.
Then the doctor cleaned THAT cut which by the way, is in the shape of V (for VICTORY! Oh victorious ME for slamming the door on my PINKY!), with gauze and alcohol. After several winces later the horror was over, the cut was cleaned and she placed a antibiotic- laced gauze on it, then wrapped it tight. And then she covered it with this netted thingamajick that looks like the nets you usually see on fruits at the market. So now I have a cute fruit –wrapped pinky. Hooo wheee. It costs a mere 10 ringgit, which is 5 dollars to us Singaporeans. Yes! $5 to have your nail peeled off! WHAT a bargain!
Anyway after the whole OPERATION, haha, I called mum. Hey mum I went to the doctor and she got rid of the nail. Mum: oh wow ok. Are you ok? Was it painful? -_- and this kind of question require this kind of answer: tak la macam makan kacang MESTILAH SAKIT! (no la it was like eating peanuts OF COURSE IT WAS PAINFUL!) me, my cousin and his friend then headed to senawang for dinner. Ate a fried seafood platter that was absolutely delicious, and eggs and cockles and Japanese beancurd and god knows what else.
They then bought me chocolates for being a terrer muffin who didn’t cry. :) I didn’t bother pointing out that I was 20 and they shouldn’t be rewarding me for not crying but hey, a girl shouldn’t say no to chocolates. And now it’s my last night here and I can’t help but think that I really actually belong here. Each time I come here and when the time comes to go back home I dread it. I like village life. But emo- shit aside, tomorrow is me in KL and that only means;
SHOPPING. Mwahahaha.
of the famous bandaged pinky
Maybe I might die of gangrene after all.
Today I woke up and I really had enough of the un- cooperative pinky that gets in the way of everything, writing, typing, eating, bathing, changing. So after bathing, I sat down in the living room and ceremoniously opened the bandage. The bandage came off easily of course, but the gauze was stuck to my exposed skin. Yes. Stuck. Like the blood dried and the gauze was just glued to my nail and skin. I had to slowly peel it off resulting in several dog- mating- like yelps, and I finally resorted to wetting the gauze a little. Once soaked I tried to slowly peel it off again and I saw the skin being tugged along when I tugged at the gauze.
Only God knows the pain cuz that was all I could mutter, ya allah ya allah bismillah bismillah. Rubbish I know but I just needed to remain calm before I go off screaming bloody murder and alert the entire village only to see a girl in shorts shrieking over her silly pinky that got slammed. After several tugs and more muttering, the gauze finally got off my nail and skin but the fear of the pain was much greater than the pain itself. Then I gently tried to peel the nail off cuz it was 1- dead, and 2- already dangling by a skin previously.
However, due to the geniuses over at NUH A & E, the nail is now stuck back on the skin. I tried to pry it open then I saw red red blood beneath the nail and I went yeech and just left it alone.
But now I’m worried cuz I have been eating and going on with life as per normal but this pinky is now exposed to open air which hence makes this pinky vulnerable to infection which then might lead to the amputation of my pinky and I wonder if, after all, I am destined to die pinky- less.
Maybe I might die of gangrene after all.
Today I woke up and I really had enough of the un- cooperative pinky that gets in the way of everything, writing, typing, eating, bathing, changing. So after bathing, I sat down in the living room and ceremoniously opened the bandage. The bandage came off easily of course, but the gauze was stuck to my exposed skin. Yes. Stuck. Like the blood dried and the gauze was just glued to my nail and skin. I had to slowly peel it off resulting in several dog- mating- like yelps, and I finally resorted to wetting the gauze a little. Once soaked I tried to slowly peel it off again and I saw the skin being tugged along when I tugged at the gauze.
Only God knows the pain cuz that was all I could mutter, ya allah ya allah bismillah bismillah. Rubbish I know but I just needed to remain calm before I go off screaming bloody murder and alert the entire village only to see a girl in shorts shrieking over her silly pinky that got slammed. After several tugs and more muttering, the gauze finally got off my nail and skin but the fear of the pain was much greater than the pain itself. Then I gently tried to peel the nail off cuz it was 1- dead, and 2- already dangling by a skin previously.
However, due to the geniuses over at NUH A & E, the nail is now stuck back on the skin. I tried to pry it open then I saw red red blood beneath the nail and I went yeech and just left it alone.
But now I’m worried cuz I have been eating and going on with life as per normal but this pinky is now exposed to open air which hence makes this pinky vulnerable to infection which then might lead to the amputation of my pinky and I wonder if, after all, I am destined to die pinky- less.
of people and life
How easily we forget our roots. Family. Home. Differentiating between people who matter and people who don’t, being grateful for God’s gifts… it’s so easy to forget, so easy to be careless with what is given to us. So easy to take love for granted. So easy to forget how fragile life is. I used to live life to the fullest. I used to work hard, wish hard, dream hard. Because after my dad left I decided, no, I knew, that you must live life like there’s no tomorrow. Because there might not be a tomorrow. Because I never told my dad I loved him. He knew, but I never said it. And then he left and I never got the chance. And though it seems unimportant it meant a lot to me that he never heard it from my mouth that I love him. And the reason he never got to hear it was because I thought he would live forever. Because I thought ah well, I can say it tomorrow. I thought I’d be able to say it when I grow older. But he never got to see me grow older. I waited for a tomorrow to say I love you to him, but that tomorrow never came, and now it never will.
So I learnt not to take people for granted. I learnt not to hope nor wait for a tomorrow. I realized the importance of loving and forgiving. Which is why I am never one to bear grudges or keep enemies. Because I’m afraid I’ll die tomorrow and I might never get the chance to tell them I’m sorry. Or I don’t actually really hate them. But I never got the loving part down pat. I still find it hard to tell my mum I love her. I still find love a hard utterance. Sometimes I think declaring my love is a sign of weakness. I don’t know. Being vulnerable is like exposing myself to pain. I can’t take that risk.
Someday this will change. And there I go again. Forgetting all I taught myself. Someday. Heh. That someday might never come. And I might possibly, never learn. But I can start trying now. To live life like there’s no tomorrow cuz really, there might not be a tomorrow at all.
How easily we forget our roots. Family. Home. Differentiating between people who matter and people who don’t, being grateful for God’s gifts… it’s so easy to forget, so easy to be careless with what is given to us. So easy to take love for granted. So easy to forget how fragile life is. I used to live life to the fullest. I used to work hard, wish hard, dream hard. Because after my dad left I decided, no, I knew, that you must live life like there’s no tomorrow. Because there might not be a tomorrow. Because I never told my dad I loved him. He knew, but I never said it. And then he left and I never got the chance. And though it seems unimportant it meant a lot to me that he never heard it from my mouth that I love him. And the reason he never got to hear it was because I thought he would live forever. Because I thought ah well, I can say it tomorrow. I thought I’d be able to say it when I grow older. But he never got to see me grow older. I waited for a tomorrow to say I love you to him, but that tomorrow never came, and now it never will.
So I learnt not to take people for granted. I learnt not to hope nor wait for a tomorrow. I realized the importance of loving and forgiving. Which is why I am never one to bear grudges or keep enemies. Because I’m afraid I’ll die tomorrow and I might never get the chance to tell them I’m sorry. Or I don’t actually really hate them. But I never got the loving part down pat. I still find it hard to tell my mum I love her. I still find love a hard utterance. Sometimes I think declaring my love is a sign of weakness. I don’t know. Being vulnerable is like exposing myself to pain. I can’t take that risk.
Someday this will change. And there I go again. Forgetting all I taught myself. Someday. Heh. That someday might never come. And I might possibly, never learn. But I can start trying now. To live life like there’s no tomorrow cuz really, there might not be a tomorrow at all.
of the village life
So my cousin took me for a ride around the village for a bit. I can’t explain to you the joy of riding pillion, without a helmet with the breeze in my hair and face, watching kids play soccer and old men chatter away at the porch.
Stopping by an old shop that sells almost everything to buy a carton of cold milo before I continue the joyride. On an old red moped we rounded the village. Saw a kid straddled on a tree, just lazing away the hours. While we waited for my other cousin, two monkeys the size of a 4- year- old clambered past us.
And while I was on the bike, I just missed being hit by a falling mango. Mangoes. From trees. Oh the wonder of it all. Then we stopped by his friend’s place and while we were there was a constant stream of kids, and they said Assalamualaikum, then, cik nak ice- cream. (auntie I want ice- cream.) :) yes, the aunt sells ice- cream. Those frozen ice sticks. That cost ten cents. She makes and sells them. Real authentic ice- sticks with flavoured ice and an asam in it. Sigh.
Then we bought satay from a roadside stall. And on my ride back, I looked up and all around it was thick, black, night sky, purely untainted by skyscrapers. No stars. And a full moon. And for some odd reason the full moon here is orange. Not pure white like Singapore. Hmm. We then spent the night eating satay and I played with the kittens.
Then I wonder why I chase for so much in life when I can be so happy feeling settled with such small joys.
So my cousin took me for a ride around the village for a bit. I can’t explain to you the joy of riding pillion, without a helmet with the breeze in my hair and face, watching kids play soccer and old men chatter away at the porch.
Stopping by an old shop that sells almost everything to buy a carton of cold milo before I continue the joyride. On an old red moped we rounded the village. Saw a kid straddled on a tree, just lazing away the hours. While we waited for my other cousin, two monkeys the size of a 4- year- old clambered past us.
And while I was on the bike, I just missed being hit by a falling mango. Mangoes. From trees. Oh the wonder of it all. Then we stopped by his friend’s place and while we were there was a constant stream of kids, and they said Assalamualaikum, then, cik nak ice- cream. (auntie I want ice- cream.) :) yes, the aunt sells ice- cream. Those frozen ice sticks. That cost ten cents. She makes and sells them. Real authentic ice- sticks with flavoured ice and an asam in it. Sigh.
Then we bought satay from a roadside stall. And on my ride back, I looked up and all around it was thick, black, night sky, purely untainted by skyscrapers. No stars. And a full moon. And for some odd reason the full moon here is orange. Not pure white like Singapore. Hmm. We then spent the night eating satay and I played with the kittens.
Then I wonder why I chase for so much in life when I can be so happy feeling settled with such small joys.
of toilets
Toilets in Malaysia seem to have not arrived at the wonderful concept of locking cuz two toilets I visited on my roadtrip to Port Dickson had no locks. So there I was on our second stop along the highway. I entered the toilet and whoops! No locks.
So there I sat on the toilet bowl with my jeans around my knees minding (and doing) my own business and I wonder what happens if suddenly a guy just barges in and sees me in that state? Half- naked with jeans around my knees, possibly even catching a glimpse of my green frog-print underwear.
And it occurred to me how fleeting privacy and modesty is. I mean if it does happen, chances are the poor dude will blush, look embarrassed say sorry and disappear. (wishful thinking of course. I mighta gotten raped.) and there he goes, having seen a side of me not even most of those close to me have seen. And he’ll walk away, going on with his own life with that mental image of me in his mind, a total stranger with jeans around her knees.
I mean, what are the chances we’ll meet again? And how can I redeem the situation? How do I make him not a stranger? Should I exchange numbers with him so that he won’t just be a random stranger who has seen me half- naked? What is the likelihood that we’ll meet again? Zilch. And besides what am I supposed to say? Oh you gotta give me your number cuz you saw me half- naked sitting on a toilet bowl and though it’s not really your fault toilets here ain’t got no locks, sorry dude, rules are rules and you gotta gimme your number now.
But of course no one barged in cuz it was, after all, bloody 4 a.m. and it WAS a toilet along a highway. but it was interesting to contemplate all that while I was sitting there half- naked with my jeans around my knees. I swear jambans (toilet bowls) do that to me. Just lay my bum on one and off I go rattling crap and thinking of all the possibilities that is abound in my present circumstances.
Toilets in Malaysia seem to have not arrived at the wonderful concept of locking cuz two toilets I visited on my roadtrip to Port Dickson had no locks. So there I was on our second stop along the highway. I entered the toilet and whoops! No locks.
So there I sat on the toilet bowl with my jeans around my knees minding (and doing) my own business and I wonder what happens if suddenly a guy just barges in and sees me in that state? Half- naked with jeans around my knees, possibly even catching a glimpse of my green frog-print underwear.
And it occurred to me how fleeting privacy and modesty is. I mean if it does happen, chances are the poor dude will blush, look embarrassed say sorry and disappear. (wishful thinking of course. I mighta gotten raped.) and there he goes, having seen a side of me not even most of those close to me have seen. And he’ll walk away, going on with his own life with that mental image of me in his mind, a total stranger with jeans around her knees.
I mean, what are the chances we’ll meet again? And how can I redeem the situation? How do I make him not a stranger? Should I exchange numbers with him so that he won’t just be a random stranger who has seen me half- naked? What is the likelihood that we’ll meet again? Zilch. And besides what am I supposed to say? Oh you gotta give me your number cuz you saw me half- naked sitting on a toilet bowl and though it’s not really your fault toilets here ain’t got no locks, sorry dude, rules are rules and you gotta gimme your number now.
But of course no one barged in cuz it was, after all, bloody 4 a.m. and it WAS a toilet along a highway. but it was interesting to contemplate all that while I was sitting there half- naked with my jeans around my knees. I swear jambans (toilet bowls) do that to me. Just lay my bum on one and off I go rattling crap and thinking of all the possibilities that is abound in my present circumstances.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
this finger thing is quite the bitch
now that the drugs seem to have worn off and i'm no longer high on the pain this whole finger business is striking me as a wee bit impractical.
i can't type properly cuz the fat finger keeps getting in the way.
and the sucky bitch thing of it ALL would be that i can't straighten my pinky anymore. nuh- uh. no flat palm. i can try stretching it but the nail inside will gnaw into my flesh that is exposed nail- less so yeah. i need to loosen the bandage i guess but i'll be damned to actually go back to NUS UHWC or worse NUH to get it done.
it hurts like crazy when i sleep cuz i can't seem to sleep with my hand in the air. so it tends to get squished or stretched and last night was just lots of tossing and turning and staring at the fat finger. the nail is really really being a bitch. is the painkillers working or not, DEI.
see. that fat pinky is permanently bent forward like that while the other four fingers can be straightened and is pointing upwards.
but on a brighter note entirely, tonight, i will disappear. :) too much has happened within this one year and i can't take in anymore without clearing out the remnants left behind by three months.
it hurts. i thought all was fine. i wasn't asking for much. but if you looked at it the way you did well guess you barely know me.
what does it take to convince people i really don't want a relationship? every time i say that people say that's just your ego talking.
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Gwen Stefani; Hollaback Girl
so anyway. doesn't matter. i am not pissed with anyone. but i am good at giving people what they want. you want a nice caring galpal you got yourself one you want me to be there i will be there and since you want space... i'll give it. :)
wake me up when september ends
now that the drugs seem to have worn off and i'm no longer high on the pain this whole finger business is striking me as a wee bit impractical.
i can't type properly cuz the fat finger keeps getting in the way.
and the sucky bitch thing of it ALL would be that i can't straighten my pinky anymore. nuh- uh. no flat palm. i can try stretching it but the nail inside will gnaw into my flesh that is exposed nail- less so yeah. i need to loosen the bandage i guess but i'll be damned to actually go back to NUS UHWC or worse NUH to get it done.
it hurts like crazy when i sleep cuz i can't seem to sleep with my hand in the air. so it tends to get squished or stretched and last night was just lots of tossing and turning and staring at the fat finger. the nail is really really being a bitch. is the painkillers working or not, DEI.
see. that fat pinky is permanently bent forward like that while the other four fingers can be straightened and is pointing upwards.
but on a brighter note entirely, tonight, i will disappear. :) too much has happened within this one year and i can't take in anymore without clearing out the remnants left behind by three months.
it hurts. i thought all was fine. i wasn't asking for much. but if you looked at it the way you did well guess you barely know me.
what does it take to convince people i really don't want a relationship? every time i say that people say that's just your ego talking.
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Gwen Stefani; Hollaback Girl
so anyway. doesn't matter. i am not pissed with anyone. but i am good at giving people what they want. you want a nice caring galpal you got yourself one you want me to be there i will be there and since you want space... i'll give it. :)
wake me up when september ends
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
see what happens when you want to pee?
ok la i know everyone dying to know the story right? hahaha. wah nahiak damn mafan lor type. this finger is FAT. NYEH.
so the story goes i woke up. to go pee.
my dorm door has this inane ability of slamming really fast and slammed real fast it did, on my poor pinky. instinctively i grabbed my hand away and *plooosh*. my nail was dangling from my pinky on a very thin strand of skin.
i stood in my doorway fascinated by this turn of events. pinky bleeding and nail all gone. hmm. however, i had a greater issue at hand; to pee. so go toilet la.
bad idea cuz after peeing the pain began to seep in and i felt faint and woozy. got up to wash my face cuz the world was spinning and i was sweating. (?) could barely walk so i just sat slumped on the (fortunately clean) toilet floor. held my head in my hands for a bit.
5 minutes later i decided i didn't want to pass out on the toilet floor cuz 1- it's damn unglam and 2- i was in my heart- shape motif nightie. big no- no. imagine all those mat paramedics. yeech. so slowly walk back to room.
still didn't know what to do so i lied down in bed cuz i assumed this will prevent me from fainting what. you can't faint lying down that much i know la. so i lied down and placed my right hand on my bedside table.
the pain didn't stop and i realized ok, i have to do something. so i reached for my digicam and took about 4- 5 shots of it. the best angle has been posted down there. scrolllll. :D then lie down again. cannot. pain not going anywhere. my gut feel was to call my late dad but hallo. a bit siao right. how to call my late dad. tsk. but he was good at these things. plus a door slammed on my finger before when i was 5 and he handled the whole thing.
felt a need to tell someone (so that that someone can tell ME what to do) cuz i clearly lost my first aids skills along with my sanity a lifetime ago. so i called mum. note that time now is 3.30 p.m., an hour post- slamming. our conversation went something like;
mum: oh hello... what you doing?
me: oh ok... tengah baring- baring. (i'm ok... am lying around.)
mum: oh ok... you ok? eaten?
me: ya i'm ok... ni... mak. jari fi tercepit pintu ah. (yeah i'm ok... umm mum... my finger got caught between the door.)
mum: aiyo! then how? are you ok? is it ok?
me: ya it is... but then got blood... the nail came out... THE NAIL CAME OUTTTTT!!
then at this point for some WARPED reason it sank in that my finger was swollen and bleeding and the nail has popped out. i started wailing. hahahahaha.
she took a cab down. while waiting for her i managed to blog like, the first 3 sentences of the previous post. :D and managed to msn and even afforded a "haha" cuz someone told me i was the second person with "unintended" as his/ her msn nick.
first went to NUS UHWC. the doctor there cleaned it a wee bit then referred me to NUH A & E for an x- ray. so it was off to the hospital.
alot of stupid things happened at the hospital. first, the old man behind me smacked his own face so hard it was still red 10 minutes later. then later he suddenly jerked up his hand that was holding a plastic full of pots or something. next came an old indian auntie on a wheelchair, slumped and apparently unconscious. the nurse wanted to measure her heartbeat and so she clipped this thingy onto the auntie's finger, then in a voice i would use to wake someone up in a library, the nurse said, "auntie ah... wake up... auntie?"
-_- please la. the woman is GOOONE can. you might as well stroke her face to wake her up la like that. auntie wake up. WHAT ONLY.
the medic there was afraid of my wound too. which is weird la. how can you work in a bloody hospital if you are squeamish? granted mine was rather high on the gross- scale but HELLO. this is your line of work what. nyeh. they made me take off the dressing myself and then later asked me, "you can take off the nail yourself?" cuz you see the nail was dangling but i was too disturbed and couldn't walk around with a dangling nail. is that so wrong? pfffft. and why you ask me to take out? siao gina.
so of course the blood had dried so the nail was STUCK. like GLUED. and so it is, still. then since x- ray showed no fractures, they decided that all i needed was a dressing.
hence the big fat bandaged thingamagic on my right hand. open it and you'll see that it still looks the same. as in dried blood and popped nail and all. cuz no one had the decency to clean it for real and attempt to get rid of the nail. some hospital.
then we waited yonks for my drugs (YAY I AM LEGALLY ON DRUGS THESE THINGS CAN MAKE ME HIGH THEY SAID SO THEY PROMISED SO HOOOOO WHEEEE). while waiting more weirdos arrived. NUH pretty much resembles a milder IMH.
there was this old auntie seated behind me who had so much phlegm she sounded like a damn rocker. i can imitate her! :D call me and i'll show you.
there was a boy in wheelchair that got me envious cuz HEY I WANT A WHEELCHAIR TOO! but i realized with this fat finger having a wheelchair will only result in me getting it stuck in the wheels and there goes all my fingers.
the service at NUH is damn slow can. at one point i was so sick and tired of going in and out of consultation rooms i told my mum out loud that if a fool was dying when he came he'll be dead by now.
hana joined me and mum. us three had a blast. took pictures (yes in the hospital hahaha) and laughed alot. sigh. never knew a hospital visit could be so fun. you have to be me, i guess. haha.
anyway post- hospital we walked to the bus- stop for our shuttle back to my room. crossing the roads was still the same old thing. this finger accident seem to have make me invincible. muahahaha. at one point i almost crossed and there was a truck behind me. :D "eh lorry eh?" hahaha. sorry.
i hereby declare doors EVIL and i want a house with no doors. all my future boyfriends will be put to the test. i want a house with no doors! if he even questions why or worse, diagrees, i'm breaking up with him. so why did you guys split? oh he wanted a house with DOORS.
just got back from dinner with mum and hana at west coast hawker centre. eating is a pain and typing is a chore. and i can't wear TALCUM POWDER! that is how retarded la. and i have to bathe with my right arm in the air like i'm doing a campfire dance. hijinks.
and the bandage is really damn fat, it's making it impossible for me to stretch my hand properly. this whole shit is DAMN UNGLAM LOR.
oh yes and if i fail to blog by 7 p.m. tomorrow let it be known i'll only be back on monday. my phone has auto- roam so if it's damn urgent or you just want to hear me imitate that nyonya/ old chinese auntie from the hospital with the rocker voice, gimme a buzz. :)
ok la i know everyone dying to know the story right? hahaha. wah nahiak damn mafan lor type. this finger is FAT. NYEH.
so the story goes i woke up. to go pee.
my dorm door has this inane ability of slamming really fast and slammed real fast it did, on my poor pinky. instinctively i grabbed my hand away and *plooosh*. my nail was dangling from my pinky on a very thin strand of skin.
i stood in my doorway fascinated by this turn of events. pinky bleeding and nail all gone. hmm. however, i had a greater issue at hand; to pee. so go toilet la.
bad idea cuz after peeing the pain began to seep in and i felt faint and woozy. got up to wash my face cuz the world was spinning and i was sweating. (?) could barely walk so i just sat slumped on the (fortunately clean) toilet floor. held my head in my hands for a bit.
5 minutes later i decided i didn't want to pass out on the toilet floor cuz 1- it's damn unglam and 2- i was in my heart- shape motif nightie. big no- no. imagine all those mat paramedics. yeech. so slowly walk back to room.
still didn't know what to do so i lied down in bed cuz i assumed this will prevent me from fainting what. you can't faint lying down that much i know la. so i lied down and placed my right hand on my bedside table.
the pain didn't stop and i realized ok, i have to do something. so i reached for my digicam and took about 4- 5 shots of it. the best angle has been posted down there. scrolllll. :D then lie down again. cannot. pain not going anywhere. my gut feel was to call my late dad but hallo. a bit siao right. how to call my late dad. tsk. but he was good at these things. plus a door slammed on my finger before when i was 5 and he handled the whole thing.
felt a need to tell someone (so that that someone can tell ME what to do) cuz i clearly lost my first aids skills along with my sanity a lifetime ago. so i called mum. note that time now is 3.30 p.m., an hour post- slamming. our conversation went something like;
mum: oh hello... what you doing?
me: oh ok... tengah baring- baring. (i'm ok... am lying around.)
mum: oh ok... you ok? eaten?
me: ya i'm ok... ni... mak. jari fi tercepit pintu ah. (yeah i'm ok... umm mum... my finger got caught between the door.)
mum: aiyo! then how? are you ok? is it ok?
me: ya it is... but then got blood... the nail came out... THE NAIL CAME OUTTTTT!!
then at this point for some WARPED reason it sank in that my finger was swollen and bleeding and the nail has popped out. i started wailing. hahahahaha.
she took a cab down. while waiting for her i managed to blog like, the first 3 sentences of the previous post. :D and managed to msn and even afforded a "haha" cuz someone told me i was the second person with "unintended" as his/ her msn nick.
first went to NUS UHWC. the doctor there cleaned it a wee bit then referred me to NUH A & E for an x- ray. so it was off to the hospital.
alot of stupid things happened at the hospital. first, the old man behind me smacked his own face so hard it was still red 10 minutes later. then later he suddenly jerked up his hand that was holding a plastic full of pots or something. next came an old indian auntie on a wheelchair, slumped and apparently unconscious. the nurse wanted to measure her heartbeat and so she clipped this thingy onto the auntie's finger, then in a voice i would use to wake someone up in a library, the nurse said, "auntie ah... wake up... auntie?"
-_- please la. the woman is GOOONE can. you might as well stroke her face to wake her up la like that. auntie wake up. WHAT ONLY.
the medic there was afraid of my wound too. which is weird la. how can you work in a bloody hospital if you are squeamish? granted mine was rather high on the gross- scale but HELLO. this is your line of work what. nyeh. they made me take off the dressing myself and then later asked me, "you can take off the nail yourself?" cuz you see the nail was dangling but i was too disturbed and couldn't walk around with a dangling nail. is that so wrong? pfffft. and why you ask me to take out? siao gina.
so of course the blood had dried so the nail was STUCK. like GLUED. and so it is, still. then since x- ray showed no fractures, they decided that all i needed was a dressing.
hence the big fat bandaged thingamagic on my right hand. open it and you'll see that it still looks the same. as in dried blood and popped nail and all. cuz no one had the decency to clean it for real and attempt to get rid of the nail. some hospital.
then we waited yonks for my drugs (YAY I AM LEGALLY ON DRUGS THESE THINGS CAN MAKE ME HIGH THEY SAID SO THEY PROMISED SO HOOOOO WHEEEE). while waiting more weirdos arrived. NUH pretty much resembles a milder IMH.
there was this old auntie seated behind me who had so much phlegm she sounded like a damn rocker. i can imitate her! :D call me and i'll show you.
there was a boy in wheelchair that got me envious cuz HEY I WANT A WHEELCHAIR TOO! but i realized with this fat finger having a wheelchair will only result in me getting it stuck in the wheels and there goes all my fingers.
the service at NUH is damn slow can. at one point i was so sick and tired of going in and out of consultation rooms i told my mum out loud that if a fool was dying when he came he'll be dead by now.
hana joined me and mum. us three had a blast. took pictures (yes in the hospital hahaha) and laughed alot. sigh. never knew a hospital visit could be so fun. you have to be me, i guess. haha.
anyway post- hospital we walked to the bus- stop for our shuttle back to my room. crossing the roads was still the same old thing. this finger accident seem to have make me invincible. muahahaha. at one point i almost crossed and there was a truck behind me. :D "eh lorry eh?" hahaha. sorry.
i hereby declare doors EVIL and i want a house with no doors. all my future boyfriends will be put to the test. i want a house with no doors! if he even questions why or worse, diagrees, i'm breaking up with him. so why did you guys split? oh he wanted a house with DOORS.
just got back from dinner with mum and hana at west coast hawker centre. eating is a pain and typing is a chore. and i can't wear TALCUM POWDER! that is how retarded la. and i have to bathe with my right arm in the air like i'm doing a campfire dance. hijinks.
and the bandage is really damn fat, it's making it impossible for me to stretch my hand properly. this whole shit is DAMN UNGLAM LOR.
oh yes and if i fail to blog by 7 p.m. tomorrow let it be known i'll only be back on monday. my phone has auto- roam so if it's damn urgent or you just want to hear me imitate that nyonya/ old chinese auntie from the hospital with the rocker voice, gimme a buzz. :)
i slammed the door on my finger.
not just another domestic accident.
anyway that happened at 2.30 p.m. while i was leaving my room to pee.
i slammed it, pushed the door, take one look at my pinky and went blank.
the entire nailbed came out and it was rather watery.
--------------------------------------
hello world! it is now 7.07 p.m. i am back from a whirlwind of adventure!
so post- nail accident was me at toilet, me fainting, me lying down in bed, me calling mum, mum and me at clinic then me and mum at NUH A & E. :D
i need to go for dinner now so here's some pictures. details later.
poor little pinky. :(
now. post- hospital. bandage damn big lor! then wrap around my wrist all. it looks like some big wound like that. pinky finger only lor.
so unglam.
not just another domestic accident.
anyway that happened at 2.30 p.m. while i was leaving my room to pee.
i slammed it, pushed the door, take one look at my pinky and went blank.
the entire nailbed came out and it was rather watery.
--------------------------------------
hello world! it is now 7.07 p.m. i am back from a whirlwind of adventure!
so post- nail accident was me at toilet, me fainting, me lying down in bed, me calling mum, mum and me at clinic then me and mum at NUH A & E. :D
i need to go for dinner now so here's some pictures. details later.
poor little pinky. :(
now. post- hospital. bandage damn big lor! then wrap around my wrist all. it looks like some big wound like that. pinky finger only lor.
so unglam.
ARGH I SHOULDN'T HAVE BLOG- HOPPED CUZ THEN I FOUND THIS
then now i want to go esplanade. *stomps around*
and why all the angst?
cuz unless i go today i can't go till next monday cuz i am dissapearing as of tomorrow night.
nyeh.
don't care lor. will go tonight.
*stamps feet*
the curse of the blog- hopper. hijinks!
then now i want to go esplanade. *stomps around*
and why all the angst?
cuz unless i go today i can't go till next monday cuz i am dissapearing as of tomorrow night.
nyeh.
don't care lor. will go tonight.
*stamps feet*
the curse of the blog- hopper. hijinks!
nyari entry rock beb
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you.
Muse; Unintended.
new crush. but of course, i still and will always love my favourite rocker.
he is like, how hot can. got goatee and is psychotic. waaaah.
i like matt's voice cuz he makes me cry. really. absolution and unintended reduces me to a sappy soggy mess. thom yorke never did that to me. oh you bad lover you! hahaha.
but yorke had that same haunting quality. when he sang i wish i was special, you're so fucking special, what hit me more was not the song but how he meant it. like he really thought he was a creep. oh you poor dear you. c'mere.
then we have the ultimate rocker that i grew up with. one album i distinctively recall scrimping and saving up for was nirvana's muddy banks of wishkah. bought it when i was 13.
then i fell in love with saxaphones and trumpets.
Vince DiFiore. best thing in Cake. well ok so john's got the the- world's- a- bitch - hardeeharhar- i- will- sing- anyway but the beauty of cake is in the trumpets. and that, up there, is your man.
oh wow. i think i may have just put up an informative and non- psychotic entry. i am proud of myself. good girl fiza. no more erratic ramblings. *pats back*
oh oh oh i HAVE to post this.
GOT MILK? :D
:( sorry la. i can't help being myself.
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you.
Muse; Unintended.
new crush. but of course, i still and will always love my favourite rocker.
he is like, how hot can. got goatee and is psychotic. waaaah.
i like matt's voice cuz he makes me cry. really. absolution and unintended reduces me to a sappy soggy mess. thom yorke never did that to me. oh you bad lover you! hahaha.
but yorke had that same haunting quality. when he sang i wish i was special, you're so fucking special, what hit me more was not the song but how he meant it. like he really thought he was a creep. oh you poor dear you. c'mere.
then we have the ultimate rocker that i grew up with. one album i distinctively recall scrimping and saving up for was nirvana's muddy banks of wishkah. bought it when i was 13.
then i fell in love with saxaphones and trumpets.
Vince DiFiore. best thing in Cake. well ok so john's got the the- world's- a- bitch - hardeeharhar- i- will- sing- anyway but the beauty of cake is in the trumpets. and that, up there, is your man.
oh wow. i think i may have just put up an informative and non- psychotic entry. i am proud of myself. good girl fiza. no more erratic ramblings. *pats back*
oh oh oh i HAVE to post this.
GOT MILK? :D
:( sorry la. i can't help being myself.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
ladies and gentlemen, may i have your attention please
no ONE chide me bout this being my fourth entry for today. i'm full of it today so don't mind me.
met mum at westmall. ate. got towels and a pajamas from aussino. hooo wheeeee.
@ coffee bean.
ok. here's the great surprise. hana! nak tengok tak? haha. come closer. closer... TSK. CLOSER LAAAA. so scared for what. your screen can't eat you up though i can but no la technology not so advance yet i cannot come out through your screen so just BLOODY COME CLOSER AND SEE CAN?!
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YES those are GREEN EYES. nyahahahaha.
ok la happy liao. talk cock enough for the day. i shall now go do my disappearing act.
*vamoosh*
no ONE chide me bout this being my fourth entry for today. i'm full of it today so don't mind me.
met mum at westmall. ate. got towels and a pajamas from aussino. hooo wheeeee.
@ coffee bean.
ok. here's the great surprise. hana! nak tengok tak? haha. come closer. closer... TSK. CLOSER LAAAA. so scared for what. your screen can't eat you up though i can but no la technology not so advance yet i cannot come out through your screen so just BLOODY COME CLOSER AND SEE CAN?!
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YES those are GREEN EYES. nyahahahaha.
ok la happy liao. talk cock enough for the day. i shall now go do my disappearing act.
*vamoosh*
today was supposed to be SEA & Soci of Deviance lecture. but i didn't go. slept at 5. you expect me to wake up in time ah?
meeting mum later for contact lenses and dinner. weird sentence but i was always a weird child.
oh ya YC! haha. you actually organized my shoes that were scattered at my door. sweetness. haha. that on top of the crunch bar and chat at 3 a.m. :) thanks.
this friday is the beginning of something wonderful. my new house. my new room. that will see my new life.
the room in chua chu kang has seen... well. many things. :) from secondary school days to jc days to nus days. the bed has been in 3 different positions. haha. screwed fengshui. it saw me through fir, hadi, fer, imran, hafiz, faizal... saw through thousands of dead roses (HADI!). haha. saw through many hari raya pics too! oh man... memories/ pain. always. go together eh?
i'm grateful for the change of environment. further from faizal in particular. and hafiz. and imran. who wasn't that near to start with but still felt too close for comfort. chua chu kang holds alot. for me. a whole lot. the park. lot 1. playgrounds. void decks. sunshine place. the closeness of peejay... sigh.
walking to the train station in the morning. taking lrt to phoenix. or taking train to meet imran at bukit batok. coming home late happy and high and giggly. coming home late and tired and in heels and i just took it off and walked the rest of the way home barefooted. sitting at the park behind my block to enjoy some breeze and watch cars speed by.
it all boils down to boys boys boys. haha. too many of em'. all clustered in one small place. shoving for space. i can't wait for my new room. to just wipe the slate clean. no more pgp too. am no longer staying in dorm next sem. if god willing, i'll be driving to school by then.
sometimes 4 years go by and you don't age a day. then 5 minutes of reminiscing later you feel a decade older.
friday is also the chalet of the 4 crazy boys i met at fi's bbq. but nah. i'm keeping to my word. no more dating. and i know a chalet ain't a date but meeting these boys will lead to that so forget it. i am out of the game for good.
new home. a room to build new dreams in. :)
i am still resigned to fate la. it's so tiring to keep fighting sometimes. whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen anyway. as mr. moo would say,
life goes on.
and it does. you can take a tumble take a fall run naked down the streets of connecticut dive off the bridges of san francisco and not die but life, still, goes on. :)
meeting mum later for contact lenses and dinner. weird sentence but i was always a weird child.
oh ya YC! haha. you actually organized my shoes that were scattered at my door. sweetness. haha. that on top of the crunch bar and chat at 3 a.m. :) thanks.
this friday is the beginning of something wonderful. my new house. my new room. that will see my new life.
the room in chua chu kang has seen... well. many things. :) from secondary school days to jc days to nus days. the bed has been in 3 different positions. haha. screwed fengshui. it saw me through fir, hadi, fer, imran, hafiz, faizal... saw through thousands of dead roses (HADI!). haha. saw through many hari raya pics too! oh man... memories/ pain. always. go together eh?
i'm grateful for the change of environment. further from faizal in particular. and hafiz. and imran. who wasn't that near to start with but still felt too close for comfort. chua chu kang holds alot. for me. a whole lot. the park. lot 1. playgrounds. void decks. sunshine place. the closeness of peejay... sigh.
walking to the train station in the morning. taking lrt to phoenix. or taking train to meet imran at bukit batok. coming home late happy and high and giggly. coming home late and tired and in heels and i just took it off and walked the rest of the way home barefooted. sitting at the park behind my block to enjoy some breeze and watch cars speed by.
it all boils down to boys boys boys. haha. too many of em'. all clustered in one small place. shoving for space. i can't wait for my new room. to just wipe the slate clean. no more pgp too. am no longer staying in dorm next sem. if god willing, i'll be driving to school by then.
sometimes 4 years go by and you don't age a day. then 5 minutes of reminiscing later you feel a decade older.
friday is also the chalet of the 4 crazy boys i met at fi's bbq. but nah. i'm keeping to my word. no more dating. and i know a chalet ain't a date but meeting these boys will lead to that so forget it. i am out of the game for good.
new home. a room to build new dreams in. :)
i am still resigned to fate la. it's so tiring to keep fighting sometimes. whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen anyway. as mr. moo would say,
life goes on.
and it does. you can take a tumble take a fall run naked down the streets of connecticut dive off the bridges of san francisco and not die but life, still, goes on. :)
blog- hopping. found this.
I don't get how people can just watch people who came into their life walk away without even saying to them the one word that will really work: "Stay". Perhaps we don't mean anything to them at all.
and it does make me wonder. why ah? why we don't say one ah? why cannot say "stay" lei? why must say want to go, go lor?
then you wonder- will it REALLY work? just by saying STAY? just because you want the person to stay, would he/ she? isn't that rather wishful thinking? chahat and me were talking and she said something along the lines of,
it's that connection la. when you meet someone and he touches you or looks at you and you just know it. when you just know he's the one.
and i just wanted to CRY (haha but no i didn't la pfft) because that is so terribly sweet and naive and... not true. hah. i thought that way when i was 14. i've come a long way, no?
so idealistic. not possible. to just share a connection and have it all go swimmingly from there. she said if it's not mutual if he doesn't feel it then he's not the one. my god. the sweetness of it all. such innocence. such BELIEVE in love. tsk. i feel ancient.
evolution has expanded egos. i am sure of it. i doubt my mum or dad had an ego as big as mine in their times. that's why they worked out. haha.
yes i know i'm binge- blogging. i also ate 3 more tuna- on- sweet- bonjour- bun bread. and am halfway through my bottle of coke. and yes i know it's 5 a.m.
but now i'm really disturbed la. why some people think saying stay works. and why people think that if you felt the connection, you can or even should wait ten, twenty years just to be with that someone you shared the connection with.
i tend to have 3 or more posts in a day lately. well this sure beats running around campus. blogging clears my head. thanks blog. *hugs*
I don't get how people can just watch people who came into their life walk away without even saying to them the one word that will really work: "Stay". Perhaps we don't mean anything to them at all.
and it does make me wonder. why ah? why we don't say one ah? why cannot say "stay" lei? why must say want to go, go lor?
then you wonder- will it REALLY work? just by saying STAY? just because you want the person to stay, would he/ she? isn't that rather wishful thinking? chahat and me were talking and she said something along the lines of,
it's that connection la. when you meet someone and he touches you or looks at you and you just know it. when you just know he's the one.
and i just wanted to CRY (haha but no i didn't la pfft) because that is so terribly sweet and naive and... not true. hah. i thought that way when i was 14. i've come a long way, no?
so idealistic. not possible. to just share a connection and have it all go swimmingly from there. she said if it's not mutual if he doesn't feel it then he's not the one. my god. the sweetness of it all. such innocence. such BELIEVE in love. tsk. i feel ancient.
evolution has expanded egos. i am sure of it. i doubt my mum or dad had an ego as big as mine in their times. that's why they worked out. haha.
yes i know i'm binge- blogging. i also ate 3 more tuna- on- sweet- bonjour- bun bread. and am halfway through my bottle of coke. and yes i know it's 5 a.m.
but now i'm really disturbed la. why some people think saying stay works. and why people think that if you felt the connection, you can or even should wait ten, twenty years just to be with that someone you shared the connection with.
i tend to have 3 or more posts in a day lately. well this sure beats running around campus. blogging clears my head. thanks blog. *hugs*
i wasn't meant to be here
Right at this moment
You're feeling insecure
I don't want to hurt you baby
You've heard it all before
Your eyes reach out and say
Don't want to be hurt again
Give up yourself to me
I'll ease away your fears
You're afraid to test new waters
With me you won't feel cold
I'm here to comfort you
I'm here to see you through
I'm here for you to hold
(Because) I'm going nowhere
If you need someone to hold you
I'll be right there
Oh no I'm going nowhere
If you need someone to hold you
I'll be right there
so sayeth gabrielle; going nowhere.
overwhelming calm. even i myself am surprised. maybe i've gone beyond and past hurt. maybe cuz i dreamt that my loved ones who were waiting for me somewhere that got bombed. maybe cuz i am resigned to fate.
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don’t
But I never ever
Never want to let you go
The road’s not easy
But the feeling’s strong
It’s the little things that keep me holding on
that was gabrielle again, saying sometimes a little differently from britney spears.
i am on a gabrielle binge. she's the babe who brought you out of reach and made you sing along to her when you split up in secondary school and you wailed in your room out of reeeeeeach, too far, i never had your heart, out of reaaaach, couldn't seeeeee, we were never meant to beeeeeeee.
i know i did. post- imran. heh. but i was, so confused, my heart's bruised, was i ever loved by you? younger days. imran days. imran. heh. like a cancer. the tumour's gone but the trauma stays.
especially for zat: it is okay to be affected. hewas IS an asshole. i say this from the deepest crevices of my heart and with all sincerity i could muster. if i hadn't decided to stop my hurting and dating ways just today, i would so get back at him just for all you girls. men like him shouldn't be allowed to do that and get away with it.
he makes certain people look like angels in comparison.
hana: i meant it. i am going nowhere. as gabrielle said. well not exactly the way she said it but yeah. i'll just sit around and watch all of it unfold. if it gets funny enough i just might laugh again. :)
I'm building bridges from these scenes
now I'm ready to rise again
Right at this moment
You're feeling insecure
I don't want to hurt you baby
You've heard it all before
Your eyes reach out and say
Don't want to be hurt again
Give up yourself to me
I'll ease away your fears
You're afraid to test new waters
With me you won't feel cold
I'm here to comfort you
I'm here to see you through
I'm here for you to hold
(Because) I'm going nowhere
If you need someone to hold you
I'll be right there
Oh no I'm going nowhere
If you need someone to hold you
I'll be right there
so sayeth gabrielle; going nowhere.
overwhelming calm. even i myself am surprised. maybe i've gone beyond and past hurt. maybe cuz i dreamt that my loved ones who were waiting for me somewhere that got bombed. maybe cuz i am resigned to fate.
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don’t
But I never ever
Never want to let you go
The road’s not easy
But the feeling’s strong
It’s the little things that keep me holding on
that was gabrielle again, saying sometimes a little differently from britney spears.
i am on a gabrielle binge. she's the babe who brought you out of reach and made you sing along to her when you split up in secondary school and you wailed in your room out of reeeeeeach, too far, i never had your heart, out of reaaaach, couldn't seeeeee, we were never meant to beeeeeeee.
i know i did. post- imran. heh. but i was, so confused, my heart's bruised, was i ever loved by you? younger days. imran days. imran. heh. like a cancer. the tumour's gone but the trauma stays.
especially for zat: it is okay to be affected. he
he makes certain people look like angels in comparison.
hana: i meant it. i am going nowhere. as gabrielle said. well not exactly the way she said it but yeah. i'll just sit around and watch all of it unfold. if it gets funny enough i just might laugh again. :)
I'm building bridges from these scenes
now I'm ready to rise again
Monday, March 21, 2005
the beauty of being
the liberty of spoiling yourself silly as and when you feel like it is indeed gratifying.
watched save the last dance. loooove that movie. all that hip- hop. *jiggles around room*
love love all the dance moves. particularly love julia stiles contemporary dance at the end of the movie, when she auditioned for julliard. danggggg. ballet and hip- hop is a slammin' combo. ;) and of COURSE them dancing together is just... sssizzling.
hot.
a little TLC will bring me far. :)
dance.
i've been giving it lots of thought. i'll stop dating. really. *makes serious face*
a sudden gust of wind sweeps through singapore, what was it? ahh. just boys sighing relief. hahaha.
i will now buy lots of vcds, eat lots of ice- cream and keep myself happy the way only i know how. :)
*hangs her shoes up* dating days are over. this girl is tired.
the liberty of spoiling yourself silly as and when you feel like it is indeed gratifying.
watched save the last dance. loooove that movie. all that hip- hop. *jiggles around room*
love love all the dance moves. particularly love julia stiles contemporary dance at the end of the movie, when she auditioned for julliard. danggggg. ballet and hip- hop is a slammin' combo. ;) and of COURSE them dancing together is just... sssizzling.
hot.
a little TLC will bring me far. :)
dance.
i've been giving it lots of thought. i'll stop dating. really. *makes serious face*
a sudden gust of wind sweeps through singapore, what was it? ahh. just boys sighing relief. hahaha.
i will now buy lots of vcds, eat lots of ice- cream and keep myself happy the way only i know how. :)
*hangs her shoes up* dating days are over. this girl is tired.
i have discovered firefox mozilla! hoooo wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
and why am i so pleased? BECAUSE. because. because now i can do this. again.
and also because i have finished my emotional battle with sc2212 group project which i was proofreading. *poof*
oh my oh my. this brings me such great pleasure.
i love my mozilla! muacks!
conquered. *thriumphant*
now that i've deemed myself colourful enough i shall go buy macaroni, milk and cheddar to make myself some power- tarema mac and cheese in my poor under- used kitchen.
and why am i so pleased? BECAUSE. because. because now i can do this. again.
and also because i have finished my emotional battle with sc2212 group project which i was proofreading. *poof*
oh my oh my. this brings me such great pleasure.
i love my mozilla! muacks!
conquered. *thriumphant*
now that i've deemed myself colourful enough i shall go buy macaroni, milk and cheddar to make myself some power- tarema mac and cheese in my poor under- used kitchen.
Your Seduction Style: The Coquette |
 You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you. |
You Are a Dare Devil |
 For you, life is one big dare. And you're all in for any adventure. Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating. You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself! |
really... hah.
bike ride back to dorm got me wondering, why do i hurt people?
unintentionally- probably because i am rarely aware of HOW many people exactly does my action affects. or i tend to forget circumstances. apologies to these category of people. at least you know it wasn't intentional. usually these people are loved ones. *hangs head down* sorry love.
intentionally- this is a benign talent that recently surfaced due to unforeseen circumstances. i hurt people who hurt others e.g. the exes of my girl friends, or people who deserves to be hurt e.g. jack asses, or people whom i foresee that will potentially hurt me in future. so in that case it's a game of hurt- you- before- you- hurt- me. so in case you guys are wondering what's "game" in my msn nicks, well, that's the game i currently play. lovely, innit?
i won't deny you of your pain if you insist on playing this game, i won't let you have it easy cuz you haven't exactly been easy on me
how and when did i get so bitter?
depends.
when did you come in?
Sunday, March 20, 2005
let's eat mope and make merry
suria showed some eating programme and they were in chiang mai. now the only thing holding me back from packing for thailand now is the lack of cash and deadlines due tomorrow.
i love movie quotes. cheesy and apt.
"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. Most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I'm with you."
- Baby, Dirty Dancing
"I've kissed a guy, I just haven't felt that thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realized that that person is the only person you are supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift, and you wanna laugh and you wanna cry cause you feel so lucky that you finally found it and so scared it will go away all at the same time."
- Josie, Never Been Kissed
"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarentee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarentee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know in my heart, that you're the only one for me."
- Ike, Runaway Bride (this is also by the way, my favourite movie proposal ever. :D)
and song lyrics too. cheesy aptness.
Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?
Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart
The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about
You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down
My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same
funny, no? how you'll always have a song, a quote for every moment of your life but at that moment when it happened you're just a big dumb blank.
i hurt someone tonight. i did. but as always, it was unintentional. but as always too, that doesn't make the reality change or disappear. i wish i could touch your soul and let it soar and be free. your love might be the very thing holding you down.
i hate how i hurt people all the time, knowingly or unknowingly. i always do. i'm the queen of tactless, queen of not- knowing, queen of blur and the ruler of denial.
how many times do i have to hurt someone else before the shit comes around and bite me back in the ass?
i wished i could make all of you feel better. all you hurt- by- fiza people. but by god. there's too many of you, innit?
suria showed some eating programme and they were in chiang mai. now the only thing holding me back from packing for thailand now is the lack of cash and deadlines due tomorrow.
i love movie quotes. cheesy and apt.
"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. Most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I'm with you."
- Baby, Dirty Dancing
"I've kissed a guy, I just haven't felt that thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realized that that person is the only person you are supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift, and you wanna laugh and you wanna cry cause you feel so lucky that you finally found it and so scared it will go away all at the same time."
- Josie, Never Been Kissed
"Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarentee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarentee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know in my heart, that you're the only one for me."
- Ike, Runaway Bride (this is also by the way, my favourite movie proposal ever. :D)
and song lyrics too. cheesy aptness.
Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?
Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart
The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about
You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down
My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same
funny, no? how you'll always have a song, a quote for every moment of your life but at that moment when it happened you're just a big dumb blank.
i hurt someone tonight. i did. but as always, it was unintentional. but as always too, that doesn't make the reality change or disappear. i wish i could touch your soul and let it soar and be free. your love might be the very thing holding you down.
i hate how i hurt people all the time, knowingly or unknowingly. i always do. i'm the queen of tactless, queen of not- knowing, queen of blur and the ruler of denial.
how many times do i have to hurt someone else before the shit comes around and bite me back in the ass?
i wished i could make all of you feel better. all you hurt- by- fiza people. but by god. there's too many of you, innit?
hear ye, hear ye
what a fiiiiiiiiiiine saturday. so fiiiiiiiine. haha. erm sorry. random.
well. it started with my banged on my bed exhausted from friday night's sexcapade. ;) haha. checked phone; 2 new messages. hakim was having some aikido nyehnyehnyeh at taka and the other one was... uhh. banana? or khalid? one of the two.
cut to to the cheese, fiza! i will, i will.
long crap short 2.00 p.m. was me in a cab to town. met khalid and banana and candice, her friend.
reached taka in time to watch hakim bow to his uhhh. master? guru? shifu? dunno la. anyway he looked sweaty and smelly and he was sweaty and smelly.
then us four landed on the steps of taka, candice and banana with ice- cream, me and led with yoghurt and a coke float. yumminess.
at 4- ish wandered off to far east to meet mum. so it's now a party of 5. lunched/ dinnered. *NEWS!* to all you fucktards who DID NOT go to CONSTANT CRAVING as i told you guys to well BOO YOU cuz now CC is closing. dammit. 7th april. hope all you twitwards die and rot in hell. nyeh.
at one point 2 small boys joined us cuz they were duly fascinated by the marble blast game on my lappie that led n banana was playing. so now it's SIX! hahaha.
then the two girlies left and soon the mini- men. then kim joined us. so to recap, it's now me, mum, led and kim. cool? *thumbs up*
(at this point my room smells of briyani so may i say selamat pengantin baru to whoever it is getting married but boyyyy your briyani is burning!)
after watching hakim eat and establishing the fact that them three are now ganged up and bullying me for the day, we 4 headed for topman/ topshop. khalid bought a nice clean white top that REALLY LOOKED GOOD ON YOU! haha.
then i was trying on a white top myself and got that too. :) after (not much) wheedling with mum. kim, impressed? haha. and now i have more matching tops with khalid. yayness.
more wandering around then us 4 landed at the fountain behind wisma. chit chat and talked till dad came and fetched mum. then it was us 3. this is beginning to sound alot like survivor.
walked to starbucks liat, no seats, then starbucks near forum, then landed at coffee bean. who called the shots? who changed their mind so many times? GOOOOOOOO FIGURE! :D
sat and bitched then it was time to part. walked to orchard mrt where led took his train ride back. then there was two!
got sidetracked at indochine cuz by god the boys there could sing! last night boys were good. managed to catch em' playing drops of jupiter, here without you, two steps behind you and wonderwall. siiiiiiiiigh.
then took a bus back home from somerset. trigger happy us, snapped shots cuz there was 62 shoots to waste.
then we arrived at his stop. and then there was one. :)
me and the banananess.
mommy dearest.
khalid!
baby gawak dah ngantuk. translation: umm... the old baby gets sleepy.
@ coffee bean forum.
my poor mao given the finger by led.
the boy who thinks he's in a dungeon given the mystery finger. :)
view from indochine.
and boredom ensued...
this is actually a face kim constantly sees. the, apeeeeeee kim... face.
and this is a face i constantly see. the yay i just annoyed fiza face.
this is a re- enactment. kim pissed and fiza grinning.
he says to use this as a point of comparison. his big oily nose versus my small almost non- existent nose.
so was my saturday.
ooh and pizza's here! :D as luck would have it. the pizza boy is super tall la! he's like as tall as my doorway. wow. and he just went assalamualaikum... aaw. so sweet.
and he's definitely more than 1.9m. this is it guys. fate.
shall go take my pizza from my future husband now. toodles!
what a fiiiiiiiiiiine saturday. so fiiiiiiiine. haha. erm sorry. random.
well. it started with my banged on my bed exhausted from friday night's sexcapade. ;) haha. checked phone; 2 new messages. hakim was having some aikido nyehnyehnyeh at taka and the other one was... uhh. banana? or khalid? one of the two.
cut to to the cheese, fiza! i will, i will.
long crap short 2.00 p.m. was me in a cab to town. met khalid and banana and candice, her friend.
reached taka in time to watch hakim bow to his uhhh. master? guru? shifu? dunno la. anyway he looked sweaty and smelly and he was sweaty and smelly.
then us four landed on the steps of taka, candice and banana with ice- cream, me and led with yoghurt and a coke float. yumminess.
at 4- ish wandered off to far east to meet mum. so it's now a party of 5. lunched/ dinnered. *NEWS!* to all you fucktards who DID NOT go to CONSTANT CRAVING as i told you guys to well BOO YOU cuz now CC is closing. dammit. 7th april. hope all you twitwards die and rot in hell. nyeh.
at one point 2 small boys joined us cuz they were duly fascinated by the marble blast game on my lappie that led n banana was playing. so now it's SIX! hahaha.
then the two girlies left and soon the mini- men. then kim joined us. so to recap, it's now me, mum, led and kim. cool? *thumbs up*
(at this point my room smells of briyani so may i say selamat pengantin baru to whoever it is getting married but boyyyy your briyani is burning!)
after watching hakim eat and establishing the fact that them three are now ganged up and bullying me for the day, we 4 headed for topman/ topshop. khalid bought a nice clean white top that REALLY LOOKED GOOD ON YOU! haha.
then i was trying on a white top myself and got that too. :) after (not much) wheedling with mum. kim, impressed? haha. and now i have more matching tops with khalid. yayness.
more wandering around then us 4 landed at the fountain behind wisma. chit chat and talked till dad came and fetched mum. then it was us 3. this is beginning to sound alot like survivor.
walked to starbucks liat, no seats, then starbucks near forum, then landed at coffee bean. who called the shots? who changed their mind so many times? GOOOOOOOO FIGURE! :D
sat and bitched then it was time to part. walked to orchard mrt where led took his train ride back. then there was two!
got sidetracked at indochine cuz by god the boys there could sing! last night boys were good. managed to catch em' playing drops of jupiter, here without you, two steps behind you and wonderwall. siiiiiiiiigh.
then took a bus back home from somerset. trigger happy us, snapped shots cuz there was 62 shoots to waste.
then we arrived at his stop. and then there was one. :)
me and the banananess.
mommy dearest.
khalid!
baby gawak dah ngantuk. translation: umm... the old baby gets sleepy.
@ coffee bean forum.
my poor mao given the finger by led.
the boy who thinks he's in a dungeon given the mystery finger. :)
view from indochine.
and boredom ensued...
this is actually a face kim constantly sees. the, apeeeeeee kim... face.
and this is a face i constantly see. the yay i just annoyed fiza face.
this is a re- enactment. kim pissed and fiza grinning.
he says to use this as a point of comparison. his big oily nose versus my small almost non- existent nose.
so was my saturday.
ooh and pizza's here! :D as luck would have it. the pizza boy is super tall la! he's like as tall as my doorway. wow. and he just went assalamualaikum... aaw. so sweet.
and he's definitely more than 1.9m. this is it guys. fate.
shall go take my pizza from my future husband now. toodles!
Saturday, March 19, 2005
i'm like a bird, i only fly away
Gaylord.: i think that u're an intelligent gerl, attractive, funny, fun, great company and just DAMN nice can...
Gaylord.: but the thing is...
Gaylord.: its just me.
god someone slay me. i've been hit by the "it's not you it's me" line. i will swallow it down as retribution. but hey, at least i got this.
Me: don't say you're smart gorgeous blax3 then go but.. it's just me.
Me: cuz that's too fucking cliche and if anything else i deserve better than that.
i don't like cliches and i especially don't like you using it on me. i know you meant well but all that feeble consolations just DON'T CUT IT. you know who you are.
Gaylord.: see when i'm at the top, u complain
Gaylord.: when i let u win u complain
Gaylord.: wat u want?
Me: you can't give what i want.
Me: so don't bother asking.
i meant that.
Me: cuz i knew it was another faizal "i'm sorry i was horny and u happened to be beside me" case.
i fall under the category of girls who never learn bout' some things. but at least i learnt this one thing, as long as you don't fully trust your men, you can get away rather unscathed. and as long as your defense remain high and mighty despite the desire to put it down, you will not get hurt. as i constantly vouch, being hurt is an option. and so i hear, but some thing can't be helped! yes they can. it's a matter of how strong you are.
I know I won't be leaving here with you
I say don't you know
You say you don't know
I say... take me out!
in the words of franz ferd. isn't it funny how i can keep posting songs about the whole hoolabaloo?
i'm done laughing. the air is clear. we are naught. *bickers* haha.
this whole thing is. weird. beyond funny. just. weird.
but i guess with such a combination, it is only to be expected.
Gaylord.: i think that u're an intelligent gerl, attractive, funny, fun, great company and just DAMN nice can...
Gaylord.: but the thing is...
Gaylord.: its just me.
god someone slay me. i've been hit by the "it's not you it's me" line. i will swallow it down as retribution. but hey, at least i got this.
Me: don't say you're smart gorgeous blax3 then go but.. it's just me.
Me: cuz that's too fucking cliche and if anything else i deserve better than that.
i don't like cliches and i especially don't like you using it on me. i know you meant well but all that feeble consolations just DON'T CUT IT. you know who you are.
Gaylord.: see when i'm at the top, u complain
Gaylord.: when i let u win u complain
Gaylord.: wat u want?
Me: you can't give what i want.
Me: so don't bother asking.
i meant that.
Me: cuz i knew it was another faizal "i'm sorry i was horny and u happened to be beside me" case.
i fall under the category of girls who never learn bout' some things. but at least i learnt this one thing, as long as you don't fully trust your men, you can get away rather unscathed. and as long as your defense remain high and mighty despite the desire to put it down, you will not get hurt. as i constantly vouch, being hurt is an option. and so i hear, but some thing can't be helped! yes they can. it's a matter of how strong you are.
I know I won't be leaving here with you
I say don't you know
You say you don't know
I say... take me out!
in the words of franz ferd. isn't it funny how i can keep posting songs about the whole hoolabaloo?
i'm done laughing. the air is clear. we are naught. *bickers* haha.
this whole thing is. weird. beyond funny. just. weird.
but i guess with such a combination, it is only to be expected.
in the famous words of firr, want to run run lor
finished a huge pile of workload in a few hours this morning. so proud of meself. :D
went for usp musical photo shoot. weirdness. i don't know WHAT the bloody hell to do in front of a camera. haha.
in the end i did a whee! jump and a boxing stance. dei whack gone.
watched the soccer game. we lost 7- nil. nyeh. but good game nonetheless guys.
met firr at holland vee for coffee and a chat. had a great time... ;) sweets, bring a water bottle the next time. thirst is a sign of weakness... but oh well. you said sneak preview. we shall wait and see bout' the real stuff. *grin*
snapped photos like dogs in heat (OOH!) and firr said i was wasting my life. haha. crazy pics, we have.
in the afternoon i felt exasperated. now i am happier than i've been for the whole week. god works in weird ways.
slowly i learn not to put my happiness in your hands.
i bought $7 worth of chocolates. happy happy happy. i got batteries for my camera so someone is gonna be trigger- happy over the weekend. :)
pics galore. firr, click and save. ;) all our life- wasting pics ah. haha. and more.
ho ho ho. ;) firr, bet you forgot this shot.
his own finger shadowed his face. -_-
from the top!
my top. bobos of the month! haha.
one- eyed jack.
firr, other photos cannot post. wait people know we whack. hahaha. oops!
i had a blast. now. on to more work! *grinds on*
did i say GRIND? tsk, tsk, tsk. ;)
finished a huge pile of workload in a few hours this morning. so proud of meself. :D
went for usp musical photo shoot. weirdness. i don't know WHAT the bloody hell to do in front of a camera. haha.
in the end i did a whee! jump and a boxing stance. dei whack gone.
watched the soccer game. we lost 7- nil. nyeh. but good game nonetheless guys.
met firr at holland vee for coffee and a chat. had a great time... ;) sweets, bring a water bottle the next time. thirst is a sign of weakness... but oh well. you said sneak preview. we shall wait and see bout' the real stuff. *grin*
snapped photos like dogs in heat (OOH!) and firr said i was wasting my life. haha. crazy pics, we have.
in the afternoon i felt exasperated. now i am happier than i've been for the whole week. god works in weird ways.
slowly i learn not to put my happiness in your hands.
i bought $7 worth of chocolates. happy happy happy. i got batteries for my camera so someone is gonna be trigger- happy over the weekend. :)
pics galore. firr, click and save. ;) all our life- wasting pics ah. haha. and more.
ho ho ho. ;) firr, bet you forgot this shot.
his own finger shadowed his face. -_-
from the top!
my top. bobos of the month! haha.
one- eyed jack.
firr, other photos cannot post. wait people know we whack. hahaha. oops!
i had a blast. now. on to more work! *grinds on*
did i say GRIND? tsk, tsk, tsk. ;)
Friday, March 18, 2005
Luck Be A Lady Tonight; Frank Sinatra
hey call you lady luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very un-lady-like way
Of running out
You might forget your manners
You might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do is pray
Luck let a gentleman see
Just how nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with
Luck be a lady with me
A lady never flirts with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd be nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guys dice
excerpts. that. is. uh. funny. hehehe. watching when harry met sally now. it's so funny! when they kissed i still do the same thing i did the first time i saw it. i say "shit!" out loud. it just comes naturally. *shrugs* oh and i just love the fake orgasm scene and all their witty banters. i want that. nyeh. where is my hot smart man?
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
i just LOVE that line. really. in love we beg for so much honesty but it's probably in love that we lie the most.
-------------------------------------------------------
oh no. i just finished watching when harry met sally. am in tears. as expected. i am such a cliche. it had to be youuuuuu. tsk. the movie is so. nyehhhhhhhhhh.
Well how about this way. I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love when you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I've spent the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because its New Year's Eve. I came here tonight
because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.
where's my harry?
hey call you lady luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very un-lady-like way
Of running out
You might forget your manners
You might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do is pray
Luck let a gentleman see
Just how nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with
Luck be a lady with me
A lady never flirts with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd be nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guys dice
excerpts. that. is. uh. funny. hehehe. watching when harry met sally now. it's so funny! when they kissed i still do the same thing i did the first time i saw it. i say "shit!" out loud. it just comes naturally. *shrugs* oh and i just love the fake orgasm scene and all their witty banters. i want that. nyeh. where is my hot smart man?
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
i just LOVE that line. really. in love we beg for so much honesty but it's probably in love that we lie the most.
-------------------------------------------------------
oh no. i just finished watching when harry met sally. am in tears. as expected. i am such a cliche. it had to be youuuuuu. tsk. the movie is so. nyehhhhhhhhhh.
Well how about this way. I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love when you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I've spent the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because its New Year's Eve. I came here tonight
because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.
where's my harry?
i feel emo and holding back pee makes me horny
it will do us all good to ignore the second part of the above statement.
i held my pee from bukit batok to buona vista. oh good lord. what a strain on my pitiful bladders.
watched hostage with kim bacin (smelly) at westmall. it's a good movie but it was so darn stressful! action- packed movies do that to me. i get high- strung and agitated and i'll start muttering. that's why i should watch em' at home. then when it gets too much for my nerves i can just walk off for a coke or cover my face with a cushion. unfortunately all i had was hakim's bacin jacket and his occasional palm smacked on my face. haha.
we went to causeway siam kitchen before that for lunch/ dinner. green curry! chan raak maak maak!
someone's being a wanker. wank elsewhere or i'll retaliate. ooops! too late! :) tomorrow doth beckons. wait and see, jacking ass. like i told you, when i want it to be, bitch is my middle name.i do so wish to retire but you egoistic, bastard of a man makes it hard. i can't help but respond to the call of duty. as i said, i am the cure for the egoistic man.
post- movie we went macs. there was an insect! then kim didn't know the name! (i am going to pee now cuz i've been holding my pee from just now then i might just get horny again hahahahaha)
ok back. where was i? oh yea. insect. yea. then kim didn't know the name of it. then we started arguing about how boys should KNOW insect names cuz they're insects themselves. then i wanted to study the thing. i was staring at it. and i kept asking kim why isn't it moving? what is it trying to do? kim told me to leave it alone. and i argued that but the insect is not doing anything! and he said ya that's what the insect want to do! stay put! don't run off and don't enter minefield also! weeeeoooooow.
i kept looking at the insect and i placed an empty cup beneath it. kim muttered, why did i even introduce you to it. this is cuz he was the one who pointed out the insect to me. and for the record kim, i think you pointed it out to me cuz it was near my bag. and you thought i would just acknowledge it's presence and move on with my life. unfortunately, i found the insect's existence too fascinating to just let it become another mundane occurance in my life. now we have a pic of the insect in my phone and we had something to argue about for that 10 minutes. see? :D
big noses tend to be oilier. and hakim is already asleep by the time i blogged this cuz he wants to get tanned. (refer to previous post on more sleep= healthier look= more tanned.)
here is the emo bit. not so emo but emo nonetheless by my standards. oh wait wait. i need to argue bout my sanity. i believe that in 3001 all that i do now is sane and hence sanity is relative to time, just like crime and deviance. and every time i am quiet people think something's wrong. then when i am funny i am too funny and people think i am mad. the world begs too much of me. :(
and yc i am not small la. i think i am a normal female size. i think 158 cm is a reasonable height for a girl. not like i am setting myself as the benchmark of normalcy but i honestly, sincerely believe i am normal. size. and mentally too la. aiya whatever.
anyway. something from mr. moo's blog. this thing just... makes sense.
".....girls tend to make the wrong choices, especially over guys? i notice girls tend to choose guys for all the wrong reasons; if he is not going to contribute to your life in any way, then why bother. don't settle for less.
and i don't think it really matters how long you've been with the person, but if the person is holding you back from being who you really are, then dump the person. because one of my beliefs about relationships is that both parties have to experience growth, be it spiritually, emotionally or mentally.
but having said that bit about not settling for less, don't force your expectations onto a person - be realistic and balance your expectations; a person can only do so much. so sweetheart, this is something that i have been wanting to tell you, ... it's not that guys never do anything right, we do, but we're not perfect and in this aspect, people always tend to look at the shortcomings before anything else. there are good things, and that you cannot deny."
it will do us all good to ignore the second part of the above statement.
i held my pee from bukit batok to buona vista. oh good lord. what a strain on my pitiful bladders.
watched hostage with kim bacin (smelly) at westmall. it's a good movie but it was so darn stressful! action- packed movies do that to me. i get high- strung and agitated and i'll start muttering. that's why i should watch em' at home. then when it gets too much for my nerves i can just walk off for a coke or cover my face with a cushion. unfortunately all i had was hakim's bacin jacket and his occasional palm smacked on my face. haha.
we went to causeway siam kitchen before that for lunch/ dinner. green curry! chan raak maak maak!
someone's being a wanker. wank elsewhere or i'll retaliate. ooops! too late! :) tomorrow doth beckons. wait and see, jacking ass. like i told you, when i want it to be, bitch is my middle name.i do so wish to retire but you egoistic, bastard of a man makes it hard. i can't help but respond to the call of duty. as i said, i am the cure for the egoistic man.
post- movie we went macs. there was an insect! then kim didn't know the name! (i am going to pee now cuz i've been holding my pee from just now then i might just get horny again hahahahaha)
ok back. where was i? oh yea. insect. yea. then kim didn't know the name of it. then we started arguing about how boys should KNOW insect names cuz they're insects themselves. then i wanted to study the thing. i was staring at it. and i kept asking kim why isn't it moving? what is it trying to do? kim told me to leave it alone. and i argued that but the insect is not doing anything! and he said ya that's what the insect want to do! stay put! don't run off and don't enter minefield also! weeeeoooooow.
i kept looking at the insect and i placed an empty cup beneath it. kim muttered, why did i even introduce you to it. this is cuz he was the one who pointed out the insect to me. and for the record kim, i think you pointed it out to me cuz it was near my bag. and you thought i would just acknowledge it's presence and move on with my life. unfortunately, i found the insect's existence too fascinating to just let it become another mundane occurance in my life. now we have a pic of the insect in my phone and we had something to argue about for that 10 minutes. see? :D
big noses tend to be oilier. and hakim is already asleep by the time i blogged this cuz he wants to get tanned. (refer to previous post on more sleep= healthier look= more tanned.)
here is the emo bit. not so emo but emo nonetheless by my standards. oh wait wait. i need to argue bout my sanity. i believe that in 3001 all that i do now is sane and hence sanity is relative to time, just like crime and deviance. and every time i am quiet people think something's wrong. then when i am funny i am too funny and people think i am mad. the world begs too much of me. :(
and yc i am not small la. i think i am a normal female size. i think 158 cm is a reasonable height for a girl. not like i am setting myself as the benchmark of normalcy but i honestly, sincerely believe i am normal. size. and mentally too la. aiya whatever.
anyway. something from mr. moo's blog. this thing just... makes sense.
".....girls tend to make the wrong choices, especially over guys? i notice girls tend to choose guys for all the wrong reasons; if he is not going to contribute to your life in any way, then why bother. don't settle for less.
and i don't think it really matters how long you've been with the person, but if the person is holding you back from being who you really are, then dump the person. because one of my beliefs about relationships is that both parties have to experience growth, be it spiritually, emotionally or mentally.
but having said that bit about not settling for less, don't force your expectations onto a person - be realistic and balance your expectations; a person can only do so much. so sweetheart, this is something that i have been wanting to tell you, ... it's not that guys never do anything right, we do, but we're not perfect and in this aspect, people always tend to look at the shortcomings before anything else. there are good things, and that you cannot deny."
Thursday, March 17, 2005
today is a busuk (smelly) day
slept in today. finally got my full 8 hours. feel so healthy. i even look tanned. maybe sleeping in makes me tanned. hmm. interesting hypothesis. i shall pursue it when i have the time.
5.30 watch soccer game. USP vs LAW. we lost. 3- 0. :( i was the most high- strung spectator. kept pacing and stomping and shouting. i am a passionate fan, i guess.
someone is gonna get his ass kicked and his ego SOOOO bruised. that'll teach you. messed around with the wrong missy.
went to harbourfront with hana. ate at breeks. yumminess. baked pasta neapolitan. shall post pics. today got lotsa nice/ stupid (these words are interchangeable in fiza's/ jamban world.) pics cuz with hana i am crazy. well. crazier. well no with hana there's a photographer to actually SNAP my crazy antics. ya.
(oh and hana, i think because we're jamban girls, we cannot call ourselves lesbians because it's too common. we shall be lesbon- bons. :D)
then we walked around and at one point conversation went something along the lines of;
eh Poohndek can fly! look it's a flying Poohndek! eeei so many Poohndeks! er ya.
credit to nana for the term Poohndek but trust the jamban girls to stretch it further. :D we rock. we will we will rock you! rock you! jamban!
anyhooooos. (at this point i realize i am bloody 20 this year and i somehow still type and talk like an incoherent mambo jumbo lunatic. tsk.)
anyhoos. went to hmv after that cuz hana is suddenly on a The Used binge. dei. slow. but never mind. give chance. haha. then i bought 2 vcds from HMV. wheeness. save the last dance and when harry meet sally. lalala.
at one point i was demonstrating to hana how random my random noises were and how disturbing they were and this apek turned. to this day and time, i still think it's perfectly normal to make random noises as and when i feel like it. cannot meh? it's just noises what.
today all trains we entered were smelly. hence the title of this post.
ok. pictures galore. i am a retard. you've been warned.
fiza tries to lick flame.
fiza tries to burn rose petals.
fiza is fascinated by her tall glass of coke. "look! the glass is so tall! look! i am smaller!" er. right.
that's my pasta and er. it came with this two skinny long sticks of edible schmuck and i tried to imitate a babi hutan (wild boar). :D
as promised. raw pink flesh. now not so pink and yucky. yesterday was wet. now it's dry. and smaller. less POW. but ah well. battle wound. *salutes*
slept in today. finally got my full 8 hours. feel so healthy. i even look tanned. maybe sleeping in makes me tanned. hmm. interesting hypothesis. i shall pursue it when i have the time.
5.30 watch soccer game. USP vs LAW. we lost. 3- 0. :( i was the most high- strung spectator. kept pacing and stomping and shouting. i am a passionate fan, i guess.
someone is gonna get his ass kicked and his ego SOOOO bruised. that'll teach you. messed around with the wrong missy.
went to harbourfront with hana. ate at breeks. yumminess. baked pasta neapolitan. shall post pics. today got lotsa nice/ stupid (these words are interchangeable in fiza's/ jamban world.) pics cuz with hana i am crazy. well. crazier. well no with hana there's a photographer to actually SNAP my crazy antics. ya.
(oh and hana, i think because we're jamban girls, we cannot call ourselves lesbians because it's too common. we shall be lesbon- bons. :D)
then we walked around and at one point conversation went something along the lines of;
eh Poohndek can fly! look it's a flying Poohndek! eeei so many Poohndeks! er ya.
credit to nana for the term Poohndek but trust the jamban girls to stretch it further. :D we rock. we will we will rock you! rock you! jamban!
anyhooooos. (at this point i realize i am bloody 20 this year and i somehow still type and talk like an incoherent mambo jumbo lunatic. tsk.)
anyhoos. went to hmv after that cuz hana is suddenly on a The Used binge. dei. slow. but never mind. give chance. haha. then i bought 2 vcds from HMV. wheeness. save the last dance and when harry meet sally. lalala.
at one point i was demonstrating to hana how random my random noises were and how disturbing they were and this apek turned. to this day and time, i still think it's perfectly normal to make random noises as and when i feel like it. cannot meh? it's just noises what.
today all trains we entered were smelly. hence the title of this post.
ok. pictures galore. i am a retard. you've been warned.
fiza tries to lick flame.
fiza tries to burn rose petals.
fiza is fascinated by her tall glass of coke. "look! the glass is so tall! look! i am smaller!" er. right.
that's my pasta and er. it came with this two skinny long sticks of edible schmuck and i tried to imitate a babi hutan (wild boar). :D
as promised. raw pink flesh. now not so pink and yucky. yesterday was wet. now it's dry. and smaller. less POW. but ah well. battle wound. *salutes*
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
*runs around in circles*
hahaha. gooooooooone.
how to run? run where? do what?
pic courtesy of hana.
apparently, it is not justified. my running. i will go watch najib (PURPLE BOY! YES HE'S BACK!) and the rest of USP play soccer first. then come back can think.
ok la. now i'm in the "ke garisan, sedia" pose. haven't run.
yet.
hahaha. gooooooooone.
how to run? run where? do what?
pic courtesy of hana.
apparently, it is not justified. my running. i will go watch najib (PURPLE BOY! YES HE'S BACK!) and the rest of USP play soccer first. then come back can think.
ok la. now i'm in the "ke garisan, sedia" pose. haven't run.
yet.
i'm working with my gut feel.
run.
sorry.
hana i know i promised i won't. i can't. i need to run. i need to run before he runs. you won't understand.
it's too dangerous, the grounds we tread upon. one wrong step and i might just fall through. it's like a minefield out here.
so before that step, i will run off. in the opposite direction.
i am SO so sorry.
run.
sorry.
hana i know i promised i won't. i can't. i need to run. i need to run before he runs. you won't understand.
it's too dangerous, the grounds we tread upon. one wrong step and i might just fall through. it's like a minefield out here.
so before that step, i will run off. in the opposite direction.
i am SO so sorry.
ryan who had previously disappeared into thin air, came back with an e- mail (at 4 a.m.) with an attachment of the movie transcripts of boys and girls. he says i remind him of that girl. for the record, in the movie the girl (forlani) plays a girl with commitment issues. *eyebrows shoot to 25th floor*
he even took the liberty to highlight these to me:
Everybody's been in love but how come we don't know that it's true love 'till it's over? Maybe theres no one or two or three or four or even five. Maybe there is no such thing as true love. And we just keep on dressing up, we keep pretending to be something that we're not. We lose ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if the something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?
- jennifer (forlani) says this and ryan says it sounds exactly like something i would say. *crickets*
Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.
- this is ryan (freddie prinze) (OMG his name is ryan! ok moving on.) to jen; in reference to her reaction post- their night together.
He's in love with somebody who's not in love with him, how do you think he is?
- this is hunter (i think he kept changing his name in this movie- it's jason biggs from american pie la) to jen, about ryan. nyeh nyeh nyeh.
because fiza is only good at running, fiza shall run. runnnnnnnnnn. haha. *throws ryan down dungeon* *waves* *locks it*
firstly, ryan, you're not in love. to all boys out there who might possibly have this funky idea that you love me, please. if you barely know me don't come around giving me crap bout you loving me cuz then you don't know the first thing that needs to be known about me.
secondly, ryan, what's with the JIBES man? i hurt you? i guess i did. well i'm sorry. but my reaction to that same experience? i thanked you for it. i laughed i smiled i shared. and now i will give you the reaction that will hurt. :) sorry. you asked for it.
thirdly, i TOLD you i don't believe in the one. *shrugs* you chose what you want to listen to. and yes, i do think sometimes we are constantly looking for the elusive. is that a problem? at times it does seem that true love; the "true love" that we suckers look for, just doesn't exist.
lastly, but most importantly, you knew i had commitment issues. don't come around sniggering "oh you have commitment issues." i know THAT. you did TOO.
so jen runs away after sleeping with ryan. but you know the ENDING. if i'm jen in this movie then i ended up going back for the guy. i poked my own ego and backed it down and went after him.
unfortunately ryan goodman, you're not the ryan in this movie of mine.
deepest apologies, glad you're leaving soon (not being mean; it really is best for us both), and say hi to your girl waiting patiently for you back home. :)
he even took the liberty to highlight these to me:
Everybody's been in love but how come we don't know that it's true love 'till it's over? Maybe theres no one or two or three or four or even five. Maybe there is no such thing as true love. And we just keep on dressing up, we keep pretending to be something that we're not. We lose ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if the something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?
- jennifer (forlani) says this and ryan says it sounds exactly like something i would say. *crickets*
Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.
- this is ryan (freddie prinze) (OMG his name is ryan! ok moving on.) to jen; in reference to her reaction post- their night together.
He's in love with somebody who's not in love with him, how do you think he is?
- this is hunter (i think he kept changing his name in this movie- it's jason biggs from american pie la) to jen, about ryan. nyeh nyeh nyeh.
because fiza is only good at running, fiza shall run. runnnnnnnnnn. haha. *throws ryan down dungeon* *waves* *locks it*
firstly, ryan, you're not in love. to all boys out there who might possibly have this funky idea that you love me, please. if you barely know me don't come around giving me crap bout you loving me cuz then you don't know the first thing that needs to be known about me.
secondly, ryan, what's with the JIBES man? i hurt you? i guess i did. well i'm sorry. but my reaction to that same experience? i thanked you for it. i laughed i smiled i shared. and now i will give you the reaction that will hurt. :) sorry. you asked for it.
thirdly, i TOLD you i don't believe in the one. *shrugs* you chose what you want to listen to. and yes, i do think sometimes we are constantly looking for the elusive. is that a problem? at times it does seem that true love; the "true love" that we suckers look for, just doesn't exist.
lastly, but most importantly, you knew i had commitment issues. don't come around sniggering "oh you have commitment issues." i know THAT. you did TOO.
so jen runs away after sleeping with ryan. but you know the ENDING. if i'm jen in this movie then i ended up going back for the guy. i poked my own ego and backed it down and went after him.
unfortunately ryan goodman, you're not the ryan in this movie of mine.
deepest apologies, glad you're leaving soon (not being mean; it really is best for us both), and say hi to your girl waiting patiently for you back home. :)
*feels good*
ok dah. i had A BLAST today. was a seemingly blah day. woke up, went for SEA lecture, went for geog tutorial where some crap happened that really sucked and made me so bloody pissed but well life goes on. and of course there was ghana's soci of deviance lecture which is always fun so whatever occured during tutorial just slipped off my mind. for good.
soci meeting for a while. then met NAZZZZZZZZ. nazzle wuzzle fuzzle dazzle! :D:D:D this is where the fun begins. *this* is at 6.30 p.m.
went to geck's for dinner. chicken pasta then shared cheese fries. then sat at forum and talked. and this is where something that will forever be etched in my memory occured.
but to mention it, i have to explain something to provide, you know, context.
i skinned my knee on saturday diving for the indian rhino. :D so all through the weekend and even this morning, the wound was dried but at times the skin cracks and there's pus. i LOVE that word. PUS. sounds so. YUCK.
anyway. yea. so today i decided i can't keep wearing shorts and baggy quarts. so i put plasters (which is apparently a mistake) and wore my curduroys. even then the pus seemed to be oozing through a wee bit but i thought it'll dry up as usual.
and it did actually. but then i BANGED my knee against a BUS (don't ask how this is possible you have to be fiza to do this) but i thought hey, should be cool, you know? plasters made me think my knee was invincible. someone should study the direct/ indirect relations of putting on plasters and loss of brain cells.
so ignored the knee till i was at forum with naz. then i realized it was seriously OOZING pus like PHWOAR. (i love how graphic all this is.) so i decided that i needed to take off the plaster. correct?
keep it in mind this was plasters on bare skinned kneecap. :) loveliness. when you peel off the BLOODY sticky plasters. WHOOOOOOOOOA. shiokeneneh damn HIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH can.
then when i peeled i saw that the healing skin had turned umm, wet?, from all that repressed (?) pus and came off, like PEELED off, along with the plasters. altogether now, WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
it was the most WAHPIAAAAAAAANG eh feeling in the world. i was on cloud 9. then because fiza is fiza, i burst out laughing from the pain. :D
then after the whole peeling process i just peeled off the rest of the soggy healing skin and WALLA! RAW PINK FLESH! i took a pic of it with my phone. it was WOW. really. PINK FLESH. yeeeeeeeeeeech.
laugh laugh laugh as naz cringed and i hear voices saying FIZA YOU ARE GOING TO GET AN INFECTION ON THAT AND YOUR LEG IS GOING TO BE AMPUTATED! hahaha. i still think it's super COOL la. messaged hana and hakim to share them this, er, wonderful, interesting news.
then with this pink flesh we walked to fong seng for prata. where due to fiza's insurmountable spontaneous energy, we decided to go west coast park. so from fong seng we walked to west coast park and climbed that spiderweb thing. sat at the top and felt the breeze...
heaven. i want to sleep there one day.
then walked back to pgp. and am here now. exhausted but extremely happy. ohohoh friday got publicity shot for USP musical. they called me to tell me to wear make- up and look nice- nice. fiza; but i already look so nice everyday... so hard to look any nicer you know... hahaha.
and i realized when i woke up today, i had none of these in mind. life is truly, wow.
now tomorrow awaits. i can never be bored. never. i have enough spontaneity to keep myself occupied for at least a year. haha. and you never know what this exposed flesh might become next. it's all so exhilariting. the unknown- ness of life.
and i miss thailand like CRAZY it aches like my throbbing knee. :(
sob.
but for now,
what next?
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
songs to commemorate
damien rice; blower's daughter, cannonball, amie.
damn yankees; high enough.
the darkness; love is only a feeling, i believe in a thing called love, friday night.
dashboard confessional; jamie, remember to breathe, the best deceptions, screaming infidelities.
historical day, no? haha. now it all seems funny. wonder if it'll still be half as funny when tomorrow comes and you're gone. :)
excerpts.
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
Damien Rice; Blower's Daughter
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
Dashboard Confessional; Screaming Infidelities
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Damien Rice; Cannonball.
how...
apt.
damien rice; blower's daughter, cannonball, amie.
damn yankees; high enough.
the darkness; love is only a feeling, i believe in a thing called love, friday night.
dashboard confessional; jamie, remember to breathe, the best deceptions, screaming infidelities.
historical day, no? haha. now it all seems funny. wonder if it'll still be half as funny when tomorrow comes and you're gone. :)
excerpts.
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
Damien Rice; Blower's Daughter
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder...
how you're making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere...
With anyone...
making out
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
Dashboard Confessional; Screaming Infidelities
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Damien Rice; Cannonball.
how...
apt.
runaway bride
hmm. dreams fm. should i stay or should i go.
today was a very interesting day.
PING!
don't analyze this you.
i have lots of work to do. i need to go somewhere and do them all before the shit pours.
oh wait.
it already has.
heh. but it's ok i'm cool. nothing a good ol' jamban can't take.
hmm. dreams fm. should i stay or should i go.
today was a very interesting day.
PING!
don't analyze this you.
i have lots of work to do. i need to go somewhere and do them all before the shit pours.
oh wait.
it already has.
heh. but it's ok i'm cool. nothing a good ol' jamban can't take.
Monday, March 14, 2005
i have a challenger in philo of life. the belo one whom i talked to said,
life is like cooking rice. you cook too long it becomes porridge, you cook to short it's not nice also.
told him i still preffered my jambanism then he accused mine of being AMERICAN.
shit happens is such an all- american line. yours have the western twang. mine is more oriental. where got americans eat rice?
me; well they cook pasta.
aiya who cares if they cook pasta or not.
told him bits and pieces bout my life and he classified them all into Denial, Angin (wind; in context it means being fickle), Mispriorities.
he says both of you also angin la. don't just blame him. you also sometimes sound like you like someone then you don't like that someone then sometimes you sound like you want him to like you sometimes you sound like you don't... angin one la you.
then i say i felt like quitting school. that went under Angin too.
then he says aiya. please la. i think you don't know what you want. that's why. right?
me; *sighs* yeah... i guess you're right la. i don't. i really don't. with regards to many things.
and he says, hmm. ya. is this one of your angins too?
this is funny cuz technically i don't know what i want cuz i have Angins but if me admitting to not knowing what i want is also an Angin then that makes me a pretty whacked person but hey that's something we already know.
me; ya ah. maybe la. i also dunno.
i am happy we talked. really am. i miss you. you know what i mean la. i told him temptation is always there to go back to him. cuz he is safe. and he added, ya, and boring. *silence*
i don't know what to do with this boy. i wish i knew. i want to make him mine. my best friend or something. just grab him and have him and make him happy. but. hai. wishful thinking.
times change people change. and i am running out of men. i realized tonight too that i got quite a reputation as a girlfriend. notorious. hmm. in the words of eddie guerrero (WWE wrestler), we lie, we cheat, we steal! yes i know i just quoted a wrestler.
i tried. di says sometimes i have to give in. it's not always my opinion that's right. which is true la. i tend to be very opinionated in a relationship. and he's right too. that perfection doesn't exist. so stop looking for it.
i keep getting the good men and i keep hurting and dumping them. the bad boys know better i guess. they know their kind when they see one and they have successfully avoided me. i would like to see what happens when i meet and date a bad boy. it'll probably be extremely dangerous. vicious.
i told di, see that's the problem. i keep getting the good guys then i can't break- up with them cuz they're so nice. where are the mean men? i need those.
careful what you wish for, you say? well i never wished for much but look where i ended anyway.
life is like cooking rice. you cook too long it becomes porridge, you cook to short it's not nice also.
told him i still preffered my jambanism then he accused mine of being AMERICAN.
shit happens is such an all- american line. yours have the western twang. mine is more oriental. where got americans eat rice?
me; well they cook pasta.
aiya who cares if they cook pasta or not.
told him bits and pieces bout my life and he classified them all into Denial, Angin (wind; in context it means being fickle), Mispriorities.
he says both of you also angin la. don't just blame him. you also sometimes sound like you like someone then you don't like that someone then sometimes you sound like you want him to like you sometimes you sound like you don't... angin one la you.
then i say i felt like quitting school. that went under Angin too.
then he says aiya. please la. i think you don't know what you want. that's why. right?
me; *sighs* yeah... i guess you're right la. i don't. i really don't. with regards to many things.
and he says, hmm. ya. is this one of your angins too?
this is funny cuz technically i don't know what i want cuz i have Angins but if me admitting to not knowing what i want is also an Angin then that makes me a pretty whacked person but hey that's something we already know.
me; ya ah. maybe la. i also dunno.
i am happy we talked. really am. i miss you. you know what i mean la. i told him temptation is always there to go back to him. cuz he is safe. and he added, ya, and boring. *silence*
i don't know what to do with this boy. i wish i knew. i want to make him mine. my best friend or something. just grab him and have him and make him happy. but. hai. wishful thinking.
times change people change. and i am running out of men. i realized tonight too that i got quite a reputation as a girlfriend. notorious. hmm. in the words of eddie guerrero (WWE wrestler), we lie, we cheat, we steal! yes i know i just quoted a wrestler.
i tried. di says sometimes i have to give in. it's not always my opinion that's right. which is true la. i tend to be very opinionated in a relationship. and he's right too. that perfection doesn't exist. so stop looking for it.
i keep getting the good men and i keep hurting and dumping them. the bad boys know better i guess. they know their kind when they see one and they have successfully avoided me. i would like to see what happens when i meet and date a bad boy. it'll probably be extremely dangerous. vicious.
i told di, see that's the problem. i keep getting the good guys then i can't break- up with them cuz they're so nice. where are the mean men? i need those.
careful what you wish for, you say? well i never wished for much but look where i ended anyway.
talking to hafiz lim now.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
got back at 8.30 a.m. *clutches head*
so. story goes. morning, rugby game. which was good. we lost and got fourth but it was all good cuz team spirit was there and if the ref was nicer (ok ok i know i'll stop talking bout the bloody ref) we might have stood better chances. but too bad they think we so elitist right? so must discriminate. never mind lor. as many said, we will be more succesful than them! one day they will work under us then we'll ask them eh you're the ref for that touch rugby game that time right? ok, you're fired. :D
fliming with banananess from 4- 7. hot hot hot hot hot sun shining down and i was wearing this HUMONGOUS white skirt that made me feel like a wedding cake. but filming was good, all's good.
settled that then headed to east coast for the bbq. i still am in disbelieve where i ever found the energy to do all this post- rugby but hey, i did it.
first came there were the usual suspects of hairul, erwin, hizuan, adam... the gess mangkuks. oh and hadi. whom i had a long walk and talk with. :) he is still the sweetest ex ever la. soooooooo bitter about how i broke up with him. but ah well. don't blame him la. haha.
then soon the numbers dwindled and i knew no one cuz everyone left already. erwin left when i was walking with di by the beach so i had no kaki to go home with. long story short, too late to go home so what do you do? first bus. yes.
along came lut's sister's friends. who looked like damn mats. i was disturbed. initially. turned out to be pretty smart boys. ntu, vs, vj, the works. was duly impressed and learnt not to create judgement so soon. but man.
they were damn WHACKED.
yandi, rhino, adi, dicki (haha yes i kid you not) and whoever else i forgot, I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU GUYS AGAIN.
they are so godsmack funny. adi is sweet and just smiles while the rest bully him. dicki is huge and looks likea big fat nigger but was actually pretty sweet. yandi is psychotic and that's ALL there is to it. he did a burnout with his bike at 3 a.m. and made us watch and wanee recorded it. i hang out with criminals now. everyday i deviate further from the norm but hey. was fated to be that way, ey?
i barely knew them at first but in the end, i was walking to 7- 11 with them and ranjan (another guy i didn't know till yesterday). and that's pretty far and these boys are pretty whacked. so that took alot of trust. haha. but nah. they are rather harmless. can't remember who it was but i was feeling cold and he took his army vortex jacket and wrapped me in it. sweetness.
funny stories were shared and boy this gang had some. i truly had a blast. stayed up till 6 a.m. no mean feat given there was no radios. so everyone took turns to play the guitar to keep me?, haha, and the rest, entertained. adi plays good songs. adi is dumb blonde. sweet dumb blonde. hehe.
think dicki's birthday chalet's coming. i remember them inviting me. oh. yea. good friday. hmm hmm. ok. shall keep it in mind.
and THEY all said i should just take my bike licence, don't be scared yadayadayada. am so tempted now. looking at yandi's bike. hmm. *envy*
my head is CLANGING now but i got weddings to go for so toodles.
so. story goes. morning, rugby game. which was good. we lost and got fourth but it was all good cuz team spirit was there and if the ref was nicer (ok ok i know i'll stop talking bout the bloody ref) we might have stood better chances. but too bad they think we so elitist right? so must discriminate. never mind lor. as many said, we will be more succesful than them! one day they will work under us then we'll ask them eh you're the ref for that touch rugby game that time right? ok, you're fired. :D
fliming with banananess from 4- 7. hot hot hot hot hot sun shining down and i was wearing this HUMONGOUS white skirt that made me feel like a wedding cake. but filming was good, all's good.
settled that then headed to east coast for the bbq. i still am in disbelieve where i ever found the energy to do all this post- rugby but hey, i did it.
first came there were the usual suspects of hairul, erwin, hizuan, adam... the gess mangkuks. oh and hadi. whom i had a long walk and talk with. :) he is still the sweetest ex ever la. soooooooo bitter about how i broke up with him. but ah well. don't blame him la. haha.
then soon the numbers dwindled and i knew no one cuz everyone left already. erwin left when i was walking with di by the beach so i had no kaki to go home with. long story short, too late to go home so what do you do? first bus. yes.
along came lut's sister's friends. who looked like damn mats. i was disturbed. initially. turned out to be pretty smart boys. ntu, vs, vj, the works. was duly impressed and learnt not to create judgement so soon. but man.
they were damn WHACKED.
yandi, rhino, adi, dicki (haha yes i kid you not) and whoever else i forgot, I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU GUYS AGAIN.
they are so godsmack funny. adi is sweet and just smiles while the rest bully him. dicki is huge and looks likea big fat nigger but was actually pretty sweet. yandi is psychotic and that's ALL there is to it. he did a burnout with his bike at 3 a.m. and made us watch and wanee recorded it. i hang out with criminals now. everyday i deviate further from the norm but hey. was fated to be that way, ey?
i barely knew them at first but in the end, i was walking to 7- 11 with them and ranjan (another guy i didn't know till yesterday). and that's pretty far and these boys are pretty whacked. so that took alot of trust. haha. but nah. they are rather harmless. can't remember who it was but i was feeling cold and he took his army vortex jacket and wrapped me in it. sweetness.
funny stories were shared and boy this gang had some. i truly had a blast. stayed up till 6 a.m. no mean feat given there was no radios. so everyone took turns to play the guitar to keep me?, haha, and the rest, entertained. adi plays good songs. adi is dumb blonde. sweet dumb blonde. hehe.
think dicki's birthday chalet's coming. i remember them inviting me. oh. yea. good friday. hmm hmm. ok. shall keep it in mind.
and THEY all said i should just take my bike licence, don't be scared yadayadayada. am so tempted now. looking at yandi's bike. hmm. *envy*
my head is CLANGING now but i got weddings to go for so toodles.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
skinned my knees in the ugliest way possible but i ama happy bunny cuz i managed to dive and stop that bugger from scoring a trial.
*beams*
let's play touch rugby.
-------------------------------
ok i just bathed and the skinned knee is like klesjfadflhjffgdkhlkaasd when it gets into contact with water. i was pressing my head against the toilet door to stop myself from screaming. then after that i had to do a hang tuah pose as i showered cuz i didn't want to have more water all over it than necessary. then after soaping i was washing off and the soap went all over the knee and i'm like dfgkjlsfghjdklfgfjdzglkds all over again.
but to watch that bastard's face. that face. of disbelief. did she just dived and touched me? did she just stopped me from scoring a trial? hell yeah she did. :D
*beams*
let's play touch rugby.
-------------------------------
ok i just bathed and the skinned knee is like klesjfadflhjffgdkhlkaasd when it gets into contact with water. i was pressing my head against the toilet door to stop myself from screaming. then after that i had to do a hang tuah pose as i showered cuz i didn't want to have more water all over it than necessary. then after soaping i was washing off and the soap went all over the knee and i'm like dfgkjlsfghjdklfgfjdzglkds all over again.
but to watch that bastard's face. that face. of disbelief. did she just dived and touched me? did she just stopped me from scoring a trial? hell yeah she did. :D
i just ate TWO ramly burgers. which means,
I ROCK.
I ROCK.
helloooooooooooo world!
carballet= cabaret + ballet. cheryl, you gotta understand why it's so hard to keep you guys constantly updated, see things are happening all the time... fiza raises hand and chimes in, yes cuz life is like a toilet bowl. shit always happen. proceeds with her own stoning session. cheryl, looks confused, ah ya.
i am hellbent on spreading jambanism. nothing in the world can stop me. mwahahaha.
my toes, tiny weeny toes, are in PAIN cuz an indian badak (rhinoceros) just stomped all over them during rugby training. tomorrow if my team faces them during the tournament, i will body tackle him to the ground. THAT'S for being a huge fat chauvinistic male. boo hoo you hairy fat mamak. *apologies to all indians, it's not you guys, it's just him*
i suddenly remembered a very annoying song. ooh stick you, your mama too, and your daddy!
annoying right? :D
post- training i was tired as hell and RAVENOUS. then the shortboy who has a hot brother (hey. shortboy. hotboy. aaah. makes sense. to me la.) decided he won't make in time for peejay talentnite. so no go. :( so sad. i miss peejay. and i think eddie changed his number. hmm.
anyway shafa, lut and ling called me to tell me they each have saved me a ticket. :S felt so crappy.
but life goes on. met the shortboy with the hotbro at holland vee delifrance. murdered a seafood croissant. happiness. oh and an opera too. chocolate. yay.
then we wandered round and round the merrygoround (not really actually around holland vee) and then he decided that he wants something unhealthily heated up by GELOMBANG MIKRO- that's microwave for you, so we went to 7- 11 and he got this japanese chicken black pepper thingamajick that looks disturbingly vile, like BLACK and MESSY like PUKE but even puke ain't black so go figure. but oh, it turned out to be pretty good shit. good SHIT. ahahaha.
ate under another void deck, which ain't too bad cuz we almost ended up on the steps leading to the HDB carpark. :| the things i do when with this boy is beyoooooond me. and of course while he eats fiza complains about her whoooooole day and how fat and hairy the rhino who stampeded her was and yadayadayada.
ohoh cleo's eligible bachelors are out! i'm with no. 40 who is HO HO HOT but he's a prakash. never mind. kim is with no. 33. a typical mark zee la. so irritating. he's probably gonna win cuz he came out of the same cookie cutter that produced mark zee. ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy! hahaha.
but it's good that we have different taste in men so that if he ever decides to go gay than at least we won't fight over men. though he insists he's not gay i think he's still undecided. hahaha. he's got too much potential to be gay. why waste it? right hakim? of course i'm right. haha.
we imagined what it'll be like if i had elder brothers. he thinks i'll have less freedom. that's likely. but i'll also be more spoilt for as it is, with my male cousins, they spoil me like their own sister. :D anyway after sharing a bit of history he decidedly pointed out that i'm a spoilt brat. *shrugs* JEALOUS.
my entries are getting longer lately. i blame hakim. cuz now i have to like accomodate the fact that he might second- guess what i will blog about so i have to like twist and turn and try not to write what he expects me too. ok mighty confusing there.
eh. no. 31 and no. 25 are cute too. no. 25 got dimple. so sweet. *throws toilet bowl at john eber* that was a good thing ah, by the way.
hakim says he's beginning to talk like me (i don't see how this is even possibly a bad thing). and i'm beginning to check out more girls than him. aiyee. it'll be hilarious if i turn lesbian and he turns gay.
oh we saw a transvestite who had bigger boobs than me. wah lao. damn depressing. hahahahaha.
rugby tournament tomorrow. *cracks fist* watch out indian rhino.
and filming for the royal banananess. i'll be in all white with hair down walking around old tanjong pagar railway tracks. o.O
then lut's birthday bbq whereby kim isn't allowed. nyeh. then they will all be with their beefishes and grapefishes and i'll be bored silly eating burnt chicken. but then don't let me bring company of my own. kapundens. maybe i can sneak hakim in by putting him in my bag or something. hmm. hakim how? can squeeze or not? cuz i'll be bored and at least if you're there we can laugh at these people together. haha.
i am tired. i haven't done any form of sports for a very long time and that rugby training was exhilarating. THAT'S what i call a sport la. where you sweat and stink and feel exhilarated. what are the chances of me sweating in an air- conditioned pool bar? hijinks!
tomorrow is nus open house. ONE DESTINATION. kiss my lovely unshined by sun torso la.
carballet= cabaret + ballet. cheryl, you gotta understand why it's so hard to keep you guys constantly updated, see things are happening all the time... fiza raises hand and chimes in, yes cuz life is like a toilet bowl. shit always happen. proceeds with her own stoning session. cheryl, looks confused, ah ya.
i am hellbent on spreading jambanism. nothing in the world can stop me. mwahahaha.
my toes, tiny weeny toes, are in PAIN cuz an indian badak (rhinoceros) just stomped all over them during rugby training. tomorrow if my team faces them during the tournament, i will body tackle him to the ground. THAT'S for being a huge fat chauvinistic male. boo hoo you hairy fat mamak. *apologies to all indians, it's not you guys, it's just him*
i suddenly remembered a very annoying song. ooh stick you, your mama too, and your daddy!
annoying right? :D
post- training i was tired as hell and RAVENOUS. then the shortboy who has a hot brother (hey. shortboy. hotboy. aaah. makes sense. to me la.) decided he won't make in time for peejay talentnite. so no go. :( so sad. i miss peejay. and i think eddie changed his number. hmm.
anyway shafa, lut and ling called me to tell me they each have saved me a ticket. :S felt so crappy.
but life goes on. met the shortboy with the hotbro at holland vee delifrance. murdered a seafood croissant. happiness. oh and an opera too. chocolate. yay.
then we wandered round and round the merrygoround (not really actually around holland vee) and then he decided that he wants something unhealthily heated up by GELOMBANG MIKRO- that's microwave for you, so we went to 7- 11 and he got this japanese chicken black pepper thingamajick that looks disturbingly vile, like BLACK and MESSY like PUKE but even puke ain't black so go figure. but oh, it turned out to be pretty good shit. good SHIT. ahahaha.
ate under another void deck, which ain't too bad cuz we almost ended up on the steps leading to the HDB carpark. :| the things i do when with this boy is beyoooooond me. and of course while he eats fiza complains about her whoooooole day and how fat and hairy the rhino who stampeded her was and yadayadayada.
ohoh cleo's eligible bachelors are out! i'm with no. 40 who is HO HO HOT but he's a prakash. never mind. kim is with no. 33. a typical mark zee la. so irritating. he's probably gonna win cuz he came out of the same cookie cutter that produced mark zee. ooh stick you your mama too and your daddy! hahaha.
but it's good that we have different taste in men so that if he ever decides to go gay than at least we won't fight over men. though he insists he's not gay i think he's still undecided. hahaha. he's got too much potential to be gay. why waste it? right hakim? of course i'm right. haha.
we imagined what it'll be like if i had elder brothers. he thinks i'll have less freedom. that's likely. but i'll also be more spoilt for as it is, with my male cousins, they spoil me like their own sister. :D anyway after sharing a bit of history he decidedly pointed out that i'm a spoilt brat. *shrugs* JEALOUS.
my entries are getting longer lately. i blame hakim. cuz now i have to like accomodate the fact that he might second- guess what i will blog about so i have to like twist and turn and try not to write what he expects me too. ok mighty confusing there.
eh. no. 31 and no. 25 are cute too. no. 25 got dimple. so sweet. *throws toilet bowl at john eber* that was a good thing ah, by the way.
hakim says he's beginning to talk like me (i don't see how this is even possibly a bad thing). and i'm beginning to check out more girls than him. aiyee. it'll be hilarious if i turn lesbian and he turns gay.
oh we saw a transvestite who had bigger boobs than me. wah lao. damn depressing. hahahahaha.
rugby tournament tomorrow. *cracks fist* watch out indian rhino.
and filming for the royal banananess. i'll be in all white with hair down walking around old tanjong pagar railway tracks. o.O
then lut's birthday bbq whereby kim isn't allowed. nyeh. then they will all be with their beefishes and grapefishes and i'll be bored silly eating burnt chicken. but then don't let me bring company of my own. kapundens. maybe i can sneak hakim in by putting him in my bag or something. hmm. hakim how? can squeeze or not? cuz i'll be bored and at least if you're there we can laugh at these people together. haha.
i am tired. i haven't done any form of sports for a very long time and that rugby training was exhilarating. THAT'S what i call a sport la. where you sweat and stink and feel exhilarated. what are the chances of me sweating in an air- conditioned pool bar? hijinks!
tomorrow is nus open house. ONE DESTINATION. kiss my lovely unshined by sun torso la.
Friday, March 11, 2005
i know how to hold the cue- stick properly
umm ya. that's about as far as i went in mastering pool today.
not, in any way, to devalue hakim's teaching skills la. he's good la. annoying (how can i not say hakim and annoying in one breath right?), but good. patient enough. cuz i kept hitting the white ball in. tsk. so frustrating.
"is it just me or do i really suck at pool?" "uh... it's just you." and wow, honest, too.
so i didn't hit any mats with the stick nor balls. i didn't make any balls jump to any other tables. but bottomline, i still suck.
and FINALLY kim has something to hold against me. nyeh.
went to magic wok far east for dinner. my fried rice was sooo good someone kept dipping his spoon into mine instead of his own dish. no la it's okay... just saying. hahaha.
had mango pudding too. mm. divulged with kim some of my tactical methods in handling jerks. mistake. cuz 1- HE himself can be qualified as a jerk (at this point it's important to note this line is typed AFTER i told him he was quite nice over msn so don't think this makes that invalid ok, haha) and 2- he now plans to tell these tactics to future beefishes of mine.
but hey, fiza is not fiza if she doesn't have more tactics up her sleeves than what she had just indulged hakim with. so boo.
earlier in the day had SEA class. sara and me then decided to have ben and jerry's at forum. then we sat and bitched bout the lousy band that played in the forum. they MURDERED my favourite songs. MURDERED. grabbed it violently and chopped it into a thousand tiny pieces then cruelly stomp all over it. MURDER.
now i want more. $3 to make my day isn't such a bad thing aye? had chocolate fudge brownie just now. cookie dough tomorrow. :D join me, anyone?
what else. oh ya they have muar chee. you know la that chinonek thingy they sell at pasar malams. they have it at forum! :D oh and yes miss sixty sale. but haiya. lazy. haha. i know. fiza lazy to shop. *jamban explodes* CALL JAMBANEWSASIA!
ahem. anyway. ohohoh! there's chocolate- filled strawberries! at the ben and jerry's stall. will buy that too. waaaaah. tomorrow fat day. eh but everyday also fat day. :D ok lor.
someone's brother looks hot. hot hot hot. damn hot. i shall shut up now.
have an essay due at 4. am contemplating requesting for an extension. yes no? yes no maybe i don't knowwwwww can you repeat the question?
i hated it when i asked someone yes no and they answered with that song. but i do it too. but it's ok i'm not as annoying. hahahaha.
i am damn happy can? even though i have a project proposal due tomorrow, SEA essay due tomorrow, soci essay due weekend, lit presentation on monday, geog project due next week also.
but still happy. *SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING* you've just been hit by blinding light. *singapore lights up for split second*
nyehehehe. if you search Slap Happy #3: Human Toilets, you get this blog. ah huh! day by day, i feel the gaining strength of jambanism. *nods sagely*
i fought the law and the law won, but i'm too happy to care.
from a blog of a friend. You stop loving someone when you no longer find the need to be honest. You stop loving someone when you don't want to hear this honesty. A lot of people think white lies are okay, I'm not one of them. And yes, there are always rules. Because without honesty, we're animals. hmm.
umm ya. that's about as far as i went in mastering pool today.
not, in any way, to devalue hakim's teaching skills la. he's good la. annoying (how can i not say hakim and annoying in one breath right?), but good. patient enough. cuz i kept hitting the white ball in. tsk. so frustrating.
"is it just me or do i really suck at pool?" "uh... it's just you." and wow, honest, too.
so i didn't hit any mats with the stick nor balls. i didn't make any balls jump to any other tables. but bottomline, i still suck.
and FINALLY kim has something to hold against me. nyeh.
went to magic wok far east for dinner. my fried rice was sooo good someone kept dipping his spoon into mine instead of his own dish. no la it's okay... just saying. hahaha.
had mango pudding too. mm. divulged with kim some of my tactical methods in handling jerks. mistake. cuz 1- HE himself can be qualified as a jerk (at this point it's important to note this line is typed AFTER i told him he was quite nice over msn so don't think this makes that invalid ok, haha) and 2- he now plans to tell these tactics to future beefishes of mine.
but hey, fiza is not fiza if she doesn't have more tactics up her sleeves than what she had just indulged hakim with. so boo.
earlier in the day had SEA class. sara and me then decided to have ben and jerry's at forum. then we sat and bitched bout the lousy band that played in the forum. they MURDERED my favourite songs. MURDERED. grabbed it violently and chopped it into a thousand tiny pieces then cruelly stomp all over it. MURDER.
now i want more. $3 to make my day isn't such a bad thing aye? had chocolate fudge brownie just now. cookie dough tomorrow. :D join me, anyone?
what else. oh ya they have muar chee. you know la that chinonek thingy they sell at pasar malams. they have it at forum! :D oh and yes miss sixty sale. but haiya. lazy. haha. i know. fiza lazy to shop. *jamban explodes* CALL JAMBANEWSASIA!
ahem. anyway. ohohoh! there's chocolate- filled strawberries! at the ben and jerry's stall. will buy that too. waaaaah. tomorrow fat day. eh but everyday also fat day. :D ok lor.
someone's brother looks hot. hot hot hot. damn hot. i shall shut up now.
have an essay due at 4. am contemplating requesting for an extension. yes no? yes no maybe i don't knowwwwww can you repeat the question?
i hated it when i asked someone yes no and they answered with that song. but i do it too. but it's ok i'm not as annoying. hahahaha.
i am damn happy can? even though i have a project proposal due tomorrow, SEA essay due tomorrow, soci essay due weekend, lit presentation on monday, geog project due next week also.
but still happy. *SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING* you've just been hit by blinding light. *singapore lights up for split second*
nyehehehe. if you search Slap Happy #3: Human Toilets, you get this blog. ah huh! day by day, i feel the gaining strength of jambanism. *nods sagely*
i fought the law and the law won, but i'm too happy to care.
from a blog of a friend. You stop loving someone when you no longer find the need to be honest. You stop loving someone when you don't want to hear this honesty. A lot of people think white lies are okay, I'm not one of them. And yes, there are always rules. Because without honesty, we're animals. hmm.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
(AM 05:51) Me: ya kun jamban toast
(AM 05:52) Me: jambanpore!
(AM 05:52) Me: THAT'S IT LA.
jambanism is now seeking world dominance. we have modified movie names to accomodate jambans; i.e. Lord of The Jambans, Puteri Gunung Jamban, Runaway Jamban. we have reconstructed food places; Kentucky Fried Jamban, Long John Jamban, Punjamban, Constant Jamban. even food itself; oyster sauce jamban noodle, jamban padang, jamban macchiato, mcspicy jamban. shopping centres; lot jamban, far east jamban, jambanleisure, jamban point. channels; JTV, jambanewsasia. road names; chua chu jamban, adjambanty (i lay proud claim on this!), clejamban, jambanset. schools; bukit jamban high school. monuments; merjamban, esjamban.
we seek world dominance. i now plan to be president of the world so that i can have an international jamban and every nation will have a jamban park. a park full of toilet bowls. *clasps hands* aaah. such beauty.
hakim asked, what's with jambanism? hana is like how addicted to it.
tsk tsk tsk. *shakes head gravely* your ignorance bemuse me my boy. how, can you even PONDER such a thought? why should even question the addiction?
when it comes to jambanism, addiction is NOT an option. it's paramount.
i shall now busy myself with invites. to join jambanism. see, am a responsible president. vote for me!
(AM 05:52) Me: jambanpore!
(AM 05:52) Me: THAT'S IT LA.
jambanism is now seeking world dominance. we have modified movie names to accomodate jambans; i.e. Lord of The Jambans, Puteri Gunung Jamban, Runaway Jamban. we have reconstructed food places; Kentucky Fried Jamban, Long John Jamban, Punjamban, Constant Jamban. even food itself; oyster sauce jamban noodle, jamban padang, jamban macchiato, mcspicy jamban. shopping centres; lot jamban, far east jamban, jambanleisure, jamban point. channels; JTV, jambanewsasia. road names; chua chu jamban, adjambanty (i lay proud claim on this!), clejamban, jambanset. schools; bukit jamban high school. monuments; merjamban, esjamban.
we seek world dominance. i now plan to be president of the world so that i can have an international jamban and every nation will have a jamban park. a park full of toilet bowls. *clasps hands* aaah. such beauty.
hakim asked, what's with jambanism? hana is like how addicted to it.
tsk tsk tsk. *shakes head gravely* your ignorance bemuse me my boy. how, can you even PONDER such a thought? why should even question the addiction?
when it comes to jambanism, addiction is NOT an option. it's paramount.
i shall now busy myself with invites. to join jambanism. see, am a responsible president. vote for me!
my knees are killing me.
kentucky fried jamban.
don't ask.
kentucky fried jamban.
don't ask.
spontaneity might kill me
today. had all the meetings i was supposed to have. then me and dizzy retired to my room to sing ourselves hoarse.
took train to town. met sha. had dinner/ breakfast/ lunch at constant cravings. she likes it. :D
she wanted to buy my bag which i bought at great world city so we went there. where she bought an orange one. then we window- shopped like the girls we are.
spontaneity seized her and she decided hey let's watch a movie. so we did. lemony snickets. good movie! look out for sunny. she is THE adorable baby of 2005.
since we were at great world city and zouk was walking distance, we could not resist the temptation of clubbing for free. so club we did. haha. yes i am SERIOUS. fiza clubbed today. whoooooa.
it was a blast cuz we were being stupid. it was MAMBO night. you have to be stupid to have fun. but by gosh it was a blast. me and sha are going through a we- don't- need- no- men phase and they kept playing classic girl power hits e.g. i will survive, boys boys boys, and god knows what else la.
*notices disapproving looks* *grins* hehe. one off only la. i didn't do anything bad. just danced like crazy with sha. which is more funny, than anything else.
we dropped by phuture where the hip- hop junk was. not bad but the dancefloor was like how crowded. i was duly fascinated by puking girls. drink so much, dance like energizer bunny, then vomit. deiiiii.
danced like lesbians to ward off leery men. hahaha. oh man. the poor boys. oh at zouk podiums there were like, dance ensemble or something? they had dance MOVES. like, for each retro song. and it was more sing- along session than anything else. goodness.
i haven't clubbed since... since i can't remember when. i've only been in a club twice or so. but this was hilarious more so cuz it was out of so much spontaneous energy. of course wednesday being a ladies' night helped.
saw a girl i know who is a minah tudung by day. even i was more covered up than her, and that's saying alot. she was guzzling down some bottle of some beer or summat. *shrugs*
now my knees are shaking cuz i bent them so much for all that retro dancing. haha. classics.
that said, i am not about to turn into some clubberholic who clubs weekly. that was a thrilling experience. but thrills are thrills cuz they're rare and few. :)
i know some people are upset. i'm sorry. but i don't need anyone's permission to live. i KNOW clubbing is wrong, all that alcohol and flesh and whatnots. but my intentions were clear. i didn't go there to get drunk or grinded. it was a spur of the moment decision, albeit rash, but it was just for fun. i still know my lines and limits. i will face the consequences. i am not you. you might not enjoy dancing but i do. so?
i do feel guilty la. i'm not saying clubbing is right. but. haiya. it all seems a little hypocritical. no one touched me. i didn't drink. nor came into near contact with alcohol. so if you see it for what it is, i just went dancing with a gal pal. oh fiza how well you cover your ass. well, if you want to put me in the wrong then it doesn't matter what i say now, does it?
don't judge me based on this fact alone. don't judge me, period. but from experience i know, this is a pointless plea.
today. had all the meetings i was supposed to have. then me and dizzy retired to my room to sing ourselves hoarse.
took train to town. met sha. had dinner/ breakfast/ lunch at constant cravings. she likes it. :D
she wanted to buy my bag which i bought at great world city so we went there. where she bought an orange one. then we window- shopped like the girls we are.
spontaneity seized her and she decided hey let's watch a movie. so we did. lemony snickets. good movie! look out for sunny. she is THE adorable baby of 2005.
since we were at great world city and zouk was walking distance, we could not resist the temptation of clubbing for free. so club we did. haha. yes i am SERIOUS. fiza clubbed today. whoooooa.
it was a blast cuz we were being stupid. it was MAMBO night. you have to be stupid to have fun. but by gosh it was a blast. me and sha are going through a we- don't- need- no- men phase and they kept playing classic girl power hits e.g. i will survive, boys boys boys, and god knows what else la.
*notices disapproving looks* *grins* hehe. one off only la. i didn't do anything bad. just danced like crazy with sha. which is more funny, than anything else.
we dropped by phuture where the hip- hop junk was. not bad but the dancefloor was like how crowded. i was duly fascinated by puking girls. drink so much, dance like energizer bunny, then vomit. deiiiii.
danced like lesbians to ward off leery men. hahaha. oh man. the poor boys. oh at zouk podiums there were like, dance ensemble or something? they had dance MOVES. like, for each retro song. and it was more sing- along session than anything else. goodness.
i haven't clubbed since... since i can't remember when. i've only been in a club twice or so. but this was hilarious more so cuz it was out of so much spontaneous energy. of course wednesday being a ladies' night helped.
saw a girl i know who is a minah tudung by day. even i was more covered up than her, and that's saying alot. she was guzzling down some bottle of some beer or summat. *shrugs*
now my knees are shaking cuz i bent them so much for all that retro dancing. haha. classics.
that said, i am not about to turn into some clubberholic who clubs weekly. that was a thrilling experience. but thrills are thrills cuz they're rare and few. :)
i know some people are upset. i'm sorry. but i don't need anyone's permission to live. i KNOW clubbing is wrong, all that alcohol and flesh and whatnots. but my intentions were clear. i didn't go there to get drunk or grinded. it was a spur of the moment decision, albeit rash, but it was just for fun. i still know my lines and limits. i will face the consequences. i am not you. you might not enjoy dancing but i do. so?
i do feel guilty la. i'm not saying clubbing is right. but. haiya. it all seems a little hypocritical. no one touched me. i didn't drink. nor came into near contact with alcohol. so if you see it for what it is, i just went dancing with a gal pal. oh fiza how well you cover your ass. well, if you want to put me in the wrong then it doesn't matter what i say now, does it?
don't judge me based on this fact alone. don't judge me, period. but from experience i know, this is a pointless plea.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Small talk ensued... but my mind wasn't really focued on the small talk... it was dying to ask her that question, but it was always stuck at the throat. It really takes balls to ask such question... and it felt like I didn't had them at that moment. Pockets of akward silence filled the conversation. Finally I summoned the courage.
"F*, can I have the honour of being your boyfriend?"
She took my hand and didn't say a word. She didn't had to. I didn't have to. I couldn't have even if I wanted to. I was too happy.
That night, a couple walked back, hand-in-hand, to SH*, under the blanket of night sprinkled with the glittering stars that have been watching everything unfold for the past few months.
so sweet. :) good on you you silly idiotic twat! though you didn't tell me earlier you liked her, hey, APPROVED. all the happiness in the world to you two, ya? *hugs* and hope you don't mind me posting this bit here. too sweet to resist. you so cute lor. i thought you can only be psychotic. now you are a boyfriend. WOW. haha. i respect how long you took to get to know her before asking. good for you, twat!
*CLEARLY, names have been changed to protect identities. quite personal mah.
"F*, can I have the honour of being your boyfriend?"
She took my hand and didn't say a word. She didn't had to. I didn't have to. I couldn't have even if I wanted to. I was too happy.
That night, a couple walked back, hand-in-hand, to SH*, under the blanket of night sprinkled with the glittering stars that have been watching everything unfold for the past few months.
so sweet. :) good on you you silly idiotic twat! though you didn't tell me earlier you liked her, hey, APPROVED. all the happiness in the world to you two, ya? *hugs* and hope you don't mind me posting this bit here. too sweet to resist. you so cute lor. i thought you can only be psychotic. now you are a boyfriend. WOW. haha. i respect how long you took to get to know her before asking. good for you, twat!
*CLEARLY, names have been changed to protect identities. quite personal mah.
i feel the magic in your caress, i feel the magic when i touch your dress (breast sounds better, no?)
i'm pleased as a punch for i just had super cheesy pizza and hot tea. i am a poor confused brit stuck in the body of an italian. no wait. i am asian. so that makes me. ahmm. forget it la.
i had cough syrup from some underworld connections (OOH!) and it was so strong that i was knocked out dead in minutes. i didn't even know i went to bed. i woke up to laremy singing locomotion. umm yea. my handphone ringtone la.
maybe it's drugged. maybe it's illegal! argh! criminal! i am deviant!
i am sweating like a PIG in this cubicle of a room!
i want to pick a fight with someone. i am that cranky. *starts skipping like a boxer* anyone, huh? anyone? c'mon, gimme your best shot.
ballet classes are singing out to me... come fiza come! we want you! come let's dance again! so so tempted. now that i only have 2 students, ballet classes isn't such a bad idea. wait. lemme put it into perspective.
this saturday i got 2 parties, 1 filming and touch rugby tournament. somewhere in between i want to squeeze in meeting people i want to meet. thursday and friday i've got rugby training. that's cool. tuition for this week has been cancelled.
SEA response paper due friday. soci project article due weekend. project proposal for cultures due friday. rehearsals on friday- this needs looking into. i am not going to spend 2 hours watching people REHEARSE while we ensemble do nothing. we might not be important cast members but by hell, if we don't turn up you get cranky and when we do you just waste our bloody time.
wednesday- which is now, tomorrow. whatever. ok wednesday. meetings. for sea, geog and lit. whoooa. but that's just this week. hmm.
ballet classes will probably be monday nights. hmm. so is jazz, hatha yoga and pilates. capoeira under NUS will be twice weekly. capoeira @ substation would be twice weekly, one weekday one weekend. dum dee da. oh and let's not forget mr rhetoric's suggestion, since you're so free now, take up aikido la. -_-
i get my free time then i decide to busy myself with extra classes. where's the logic?
but ok what. no beefishes. so much free time also for what right. doink.
i do think of you la... you're always there. somewhere. at the back of my head. and sometimes remembering you're there makes a difference in my life. you might not be here per se, but you're here. with me. i don't know. i don't want anything from you. i don't want to look back wistful. but i can't help comparing all these new guys with you... i will always appreciate how secure you made me feel, how caring you were, how hard you tried. i really do. sometimes i wish i never met you cuz now you set the benchmark so high. heh. i can't get over how special you were. how special us were. how easy things were at times. and then how difficult it became.
i don't bother running away because i don't want to.
i left us. 21st august 2004. after many tussles. you agreed to go on 4th february 2005. how many boys will take that long? most i know would have pounced on the next best thing that came along immediately after the split. you were so real. aw shucks. it's sinking in now... you really loved me, didn't you?
yeah. how slow can i be. that's how i am la. tsk. it will always be beyond me. how much you loved me. and why. but, thank you.
i'm pleased as a punch for i just had super cheesy pizza and hot tea. i am a poor confused brit stuck in the body of an italian. no wait. i am asian. so that makes me. ahmm. forget it la.
i had cough syrup from some underworld connections (OOH!) and it was so strong that i was knocked out dead in minutes. i didn't even know i went to bed. i woke up to laremy singing locomotion. umm yea. my handphone ringtone la.
maybe it's drugged. maybe it's illegal! argh! criminal! i am deviant!
i am sweating like a PIG in this cubicle of a room!
i want to pick a fight with someone. i am that cranky. *starts skipping like a boxer* anyone, huh? anyone? c'mon, gimme your best shot.
ballet classes are singing out to me... come fiza come! we want you! come let's dance again! so so tempted. now that i only have 2 students, ballet classes isn't such a bad idea. wait. lemme put it into perspective.
this saturday i got 2 parties, 1 filming and touch rugby tournament. somewhere in between i want to squeeze in meeting people i want to meet. thursday and friday i've got rugby training. that's cool. tuition for this week has been cancelled.
SEA response paper due friday. soci project article due weekend. project proposal for cultures due friday. rehearsals on friday- this needs looking into. i am not going to spend 2 hours watching people REHEARSE while we ensemble do nothing. we might not be important cast members but by hell, if we don't turn up you get cranky and when we do you just waste our bloody time.
wednesday- which is now, tomorrow. whatever. ok wednesday. meetings. for sea, geog and lit. whoooa. but that's just this week. hmm.
ballet classes will probably be monday nights. hmm. so is jazz, hatha yoga and pilates. capoeira under NUS will be twice weekly. capoeira @ substation would be twice weekly, one weekday one weekend. dum dee da. oh and let's not forget mr rhetoric's suggestion, since you're so free now, take up aikido la. -_-
i get my free time then i decide to busy myself with extra classes. where's the logic?
but ok what. no beefishes. so much free time also for what right. doink.
i do think of you la... you're always there. somewhere. at the back of my head. and sometimes remembering you're there makes a difference in my life. you might not be here per se, but you're here. with me. i don't know. i don't want anything from you. i don't want to look back wistful. but i can't help comparing all these new guys with you... i will always appreciate how secure you made me feel, how caring you were, how hard you tried. i really do. sometimes i wish i never met you cuz now you set the benchmark so high. heh. i can't get over how special you were. how special us were. how easy things were at times. and then how difficult it became.
i don't bother running away because i don't want to.
i left us. 21st august 2004. after many tussles. you agreed to go on 4th february 2005. how many boys will take that long? most i know would have pounced on the next best thing that came along immediately after the split. you were so real. aw shucks. it's sinking in now... you really loved me, didn't you?
yeah. how slow can i be. that's how i am la. tsk. it will always be beyond me. how much you loved me. and why. but, thank you.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
oh oh oh! *bounces around*
forgot to mention some more things.
1. some things were cleared today. i don't really know if it's cleared or just clarified but i think they mean the same thing but actually given the situation it's not necessarily that way because nothing is any much clearer now but some things are clarified and if you're bloody confused by now good, that's the whole point.
2. aiya. forget again. arghhhhhhhh. wait wait. um. oh! if you search for "apology letters for stealing a bike" on yahoo!, you get this site too. cool ah. hahahahaha. along with "the tonsils" (my personal fave) and "Kindergarten sing alone to zoo animal sounds". power la dei.
dizzy muh darling sweetums came up with a logo for jambanism. :D wait la. i will edit it and make nice- nice then it will be revealed for the world to see and of course, drool over.
oh one more. (wow i'm full of it today.) ghana talked about graduating from primary deviance to secondary deviance. graduation process. then i told dizzy, "haha. if you graduate from jambanism you get to wear a jamban on your head."
imagine that. a toilet bowl on your head and an official certificate recognizing your intelligence in your hand. awesome. ass- some.
forgot to mention some more things.
1. some things were cleared today. i don't really know if it's cleared or just clarified but i think they mean the same thing but actually given the situation it's not necessarily that way because nothing is any much clearer now but some things are clarified and if you're bloody confused by now good, that's the whole point.
2. aiya. forget again. arghhhhhhhh. wait wait. um. oh! if you search for "apology letters for stealing a bike" on yahoo!, you get this site too. cool ah. hahahahaha. along with "the tonsils" (my personal fave) and "Kindergarten sing alone to zoo animal sounds". power la dei.
dizzy muh darling sweetums came up with a logo for jambanism. :D wait la. i will edit it and make nice- nice then it will be revealed for the world to see and of course, drool over.
oh one more. (wow i'm full of it today.) ghana talked about graduating from primary deviance to secondary deviance. graduation process. then i told dizzy, "haha. if you graduate from jambanism you get to wear a jamban on your head."
imagine that. a toilet bowl on your head and an official certificate recognizing your intelligence in your hand. awesome. ass- some.
HALED THREW A FRY AT ME DURING LUNCH AT MACS.
i am deeply offended lor. NO ONE ever threw anything at me before. i didn't even realize that fact till he threw a fry at me. i felt so VIOLATED can.
i've never had anything thrown at me. not a book a paper a wallet a anything much less a FRY. bah.
*frowns* wah lao. this is terminal. threw a FRY. at me. humph. shall exterminate him. silly twat.
today ghana was downright funny and kudos to him for that chris rock video on how not to get your ass kicked by the police (if you're black). :D
i think coke is very bad for cough. very very. hmm. shouldn't have had lunch at macs but ah well. health was never my strong point.
in all, umm. aiyo. i typed in all, then i went to my other window to check something then i came back here and i totally lost my train of thought.
i am clearly still ill and therefore, i shall SLEEP. :D
i am deeply offended lor. NO ONE ever threw anything at me before. i didn't even realize that fact till he threw a fry at me. i felt so VIOLATED can.
i've never had anything thrown at me. not a book a paper a wallet a anything much less a FRY. bah.
*frowns* wah lao. this is terminal. threw a FRY. at me. humph. shall exterminate him. silly twat.
today ghana was downright funny and kudos to him for that chris rock video on how not to get your ass kicked by the police (if you're black). :D
i think coke is very bad for cough. very very. hmm. shouldn't have had lunch at macs but ah well. health was never my strong point.
in all, umm. aiyo. i typed in all, then i went to my other window to check something then i came back here and i totally lost my train of thought.
i am clearly still ill and therefore, i shall SLEEP. :D
i just came back. long day it has been. yes it is 3 a.m.
so.
class at 2 lecture at 4 hakim + ice- cream at 5.30 haled+ talk cock session at 8.30 then laremy for toilet and unplanned talk cock session at 12 midnight till, well, just now.
i treated kim to TWIX ice- cream (which he took FOREVER to decide on) and i am hereby obliged to admit (cuz he reads this blog) that i ate 80% of it but it's NOT my fault cuz that was only because HE was eating nasi sambal goreng which HE bought out of his own wishes (read: not my fault) and hence to prevent the ice- cream from melting HE (meaning not ME) told me to eat it first while he ate his nasi sambal goreng. so i did. and it's ice- cream what. you have to eat fast. PLUS he took ten years to finish that packet of rice. PLUS i fed him some with MY own spoon and he got all that sambal taste and nasi smell all over my spoon.
hakim told me today he once peed in spurts. WAHAHAHAHA. i bet you thought i would forget this fact, didn't you? ;) you'll be surprised what i choose to remember. hah. umm yea. the above confession came about cuz someone threw water down. (we were at a void deck la.) i was already complaining about the entire neighbourhood in general so when the water came pouring down i went,
"see?! anyhow pour water!" kim went, "eh pee la." me: "how can it be pee it's in spurts no one pees like that..." kim: "i used to."
:D ok lor. he say one not i say.
met haled. was late. but what's new la right. went to the library @ orchard. looked for books. ahmm. then went spinelli's @ heerens. OH TODAY IS A VONDERFUL DAY cuz i got my ICE- CREAM and BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE FROM SPINELLI'S! :D:D:D damn happy lor.
i discovered the pyromaniac in me. led lit up his cig and i got all fascinated by his lighter. we had some bits of cheesecake left and i decided that i wanted to try burning it. just to see. you know. what happens. and since i am so smart, i knew that if i actually pointed the lighter down towards the cake i run the risk of burning my own finger. (PING! fiza SMART!)
so, i decided to burn the serviette :))) (PING! not smart liao.) and then put the serviette on the leftover cake. hahaha. the serviette caught fire. like seriously huge. and then i dropped it on the plate of leftover cake. waiting to see what will happen.
led almost hyperventilated and just doused the whole thing with a cup of cold water while fiza laughed her head off. it was so funny! a bonfire on my plate! in town! whee! and haled panicked! which makes it FUNNIER! hahahaha.
after he doused it a waft of smoke. then i said,
"eei. smells like burnt cheese."
hahaha. haled told me to stay away from him cuz he don't want to get banned from spinelli's. what onlyyyy. oh haled did something silly at spinelli's. at this point i would like to extend my apologies to mr. hakim who got the brunt of haled's boredom. sorry la. hope you're not too annoyed. that's just how he is... randomly irritating. but he doesn't mean any harm... don't take it personally.
then we pondered what would have happened if he was crazy like me and had laughed along when the bonfire occured. we wondered what it would be like to cause like, a huge fire. ok fine WE didn't I did. i thought it'd be damn cool la! to be in the headlines tomorrow: GIRL BURNS DOWN MAJOR SHOPPING CENTRE IN TOWN DUE TO PYROMANIAC TENDENCIES.
umm umm. oh then we sat outside cineleisure cuz led wanted to catch the last train. fiza the ditz; ok lor. then at 11.15 p.m., eh what time last bus from buona vista to your room? fiza, ah, dunno?
discussed gay tendencies and other homosexual issues. haled has an andro- butt! :D cuz both men and women like it. i am an exception cuz i never noticed his butt before. but hey. it's cool. an andro- butt. a butt both gays and girls like. nyehehehe. *wonders who else has andro- butts* *grins* *keeps it to herself* :D yeah that was a big wide grin right there. you know who you are. wahahaha.
tonight every road we crossed haled held my hand like i was 4 or something cuz he said he doesn't trust me. all this because i ran across a T- junction (while the lights were green and the cars were you know, all around and on the roads and stuff) the last time we went out. tsk. and i was having a fever la. i was DELIRIOUS. i am not ALWAYS like that. i happen to be damn good at jaywalking la.
took 143 back to nus cuz clearly, i missed the last bus into campus already la. then while walking in, i suddenly was DYING to pee. was walking past KR. so emergency call.
"LAREMY! HELP! I NEED TO PEE!" haha. you try calling a guy at 12 midnight and saying that.
long story short; peed, chatted, webcammed (damn weird la we were on webcam then we forgot about it then now we are wondering if we did anything sss sss ssscandalous when we were "forgetting"" about the webcam) and talked. like, talked.
haiyaaaaa. i dunno la. joyce said, "i don't know who he is but whoever he is, he's not worth it. (in reference to guy making me unhappy in certain blog entries.)" haled, "if he wants you he'll tell you la." laremy, "please la. don't be like this. it's damn sad lor to see you like this. you can do better what." basically their call is: go on going out with him if you want, but don't hope. don't like him. and if you can't do all that, then stop going out with him. hmm. harsh.
i will think about it. like laremy said, if he's not in the wrong, why am i defending him?
and laremy, ya la you're not a jerk la. and you're probably right. it's the guys i meet. tsk tsk. bad magnetic vibes ey.
ah well. i would like to think i am keeping my options open but i have probably closed my heart + eyes to OTHER options a long time ago. as hakim said, whatever happened to ryan?
hmm good point. ryan, isma, hairul, win, wan, fadz, james, inter alia. whatever happened to them? fiza happened. i guess. i dunno. i just was NOT interested in them. is that really so bad? sigh. tiring la. i like dating around and all but man it does get tiring. insta- poll:
SHOULD FIZA STOP DATING? (do, suggest other options then if you happen to say yes. studying isn't one cuz that goes without saying la.)
maybe i wasn't as capable as i thought i was. at cutting off emotions from physical intimacy. damn. i really thought i had it down pat. almost, almost. maybe it was just the wrong guy.
i think of thailand alot lately. which is a cause for worry cuz i am one with high tendency to just buy tickets tomorrow and be gone for 3 days having an escapade in chiang mai.
i remember it all now... phayao lake... arriving at chiang mai... riding the tuk- tuk and freezing my butt... morning walks... cycling... waffles and superpower soya bean milk (yes i started drinking soya bean milk in thailand!)... fish sauce in EVERYTHING... how i fell in love with fish sauce and started begging for nam prik with everything i ate... how i always said mai kow jai... nit noy nit noy! haha. man i miss that. that place. kang. chan. noi. mae. mist. huge sunflowers. falling into thorny bushes. dancing to thai techno. hehe. thai YEP group people, please download the song and send it to me! *recalls godwin chicken dance* mai pen rai rai rai rai rai. JAI YEN YEN NA. mwahahaha. hawng nham yu thi naii? haha. so important. cuz of the cold weather. kept wanting to pee la.
i think what i miss more is what i FELT there. freedom. no expectations. no one around. no familiarity. there was no mum no hafiz no hakim no hana no nus no english. just. FOREIGN. no one and nothing i know. i know it sounds means but i didn't really miss anyone till it was muuuuuch later. and even then i didn't really miss them enough to wish days were shorter. i wanted the days to last longer. i dreaded going home cuz thailand was so very wonderful. argh i should shut up. i miss the place again. :(
now must go thai express or siam kitchen or magic wok or something. to alleviate my imissthai mode. boo.
shall sleep now. it's almost 4 a.m. one hour for this entry. i should write novels. dang.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
hah. how bloody apt. i shall go hang myself dry now. i am so soggy.
so.
class at 2 lecture at 4 hakim + ice- cream at 5.30 haled+ talk cock session at 8.30 then laremy for toilet and unplanned talk cock session at 12 midnight till, well, just now.
i treated kim to TWIX ice- cream (which he took FOREVER to decide on) and i am hereby obliged to admit (cuz he reads this blog) that i ate 80% of it but it's NOT my fault cuz that was only because HE was eating nasi sambal goreng which HE bought out of his own wishes (read: not my fault) and hence to prevent the ice- cream from melting HE (meaning not ME) told me to eat it first while he ate his nasi sambal goreng. so i did. and it's ice- cream what. you have to eat fast. PLUS he took ten years to finish that packet of rice. PLUS i fed him some with MY own spoon and he got all that sambal taste and nasi smell all over my spoon.
hakim told me today he once peed in spurts. WAHAHAHAHA. i bet you thought i would forget this fact, didn't you? ;) you'll be surprised what i choose to remember. hah. umm yea. the above confession came about cuz someone threw water down. (we were at a void deck la.) i was already complaining about the entire neighbourhood in general so when the water came pouring down i went,
"see?! anyhow pour water!" kim went, "eh pee la." me: "how can it be pee it's in spurts no one pees like that..." kim: "i used to."
:D ok lor. he say one not i say.
met haled. was late. but what's new la right. went to the library @ orchard. looked for books. ahmm. then went spinelli's @ heerens. OH TODAY IS A VONDERFUL DAY cuz i got my ICE- CREAM and BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE FROM SPINELLI'S! :D:D:D damn happy lor.
i discovered the pyromaniac in me. led lit up his cig and i got all fascinated by his lighter. we had some bits of cheesecake left and i decided that i wanted to try burning it. just to see. you know. what happens. and since i am so smart, i knew that if i actually pointed the lighter down towards the cake i run the risk of burning my own finger. (PING! fiza SMART!)
so, i decided to burn the serviette :))) (PING! not smart liao.) and then put the serviette on the leftover cake. hahaha. the serviette caught fire. like seriously huge. and then i dropped it on the plate of leftover cake. waiting to see what will happen.
led almost hyperventilated and just doused the whole thing with a cup of cold water while fiza laughed her head off. it was so funny! a bonfire on my plate! in town! whee! and haled panicked! which makes it FUNNIER! hahahaha.
after he doused it a waft of smoke. then i said,
"eei. smells like burnt cheese."
hahaha. haled told me to stay away from him cuz he don't want to get banned from spinelli's. what onlyyyy. oh haled did something silly at spinelli's. at this point i would like to extend my apologies to mr. hakim who got the brunt of haled's boredom. sorry la. hope you're not too annoyed. that's just how he is... randomly irritating. but he doesn't mean any harm... don't take it personally.
then we pondered what would have happened if he was crazy like me and had laughed along when the bonfire occured. we wondered what it would be like to cause like, a huge fire. ok fine WE didn't I did. i thought it'd be damn cool la! to be in the headlines tomorrow: GIRL BURNS DOWN MAJOR SHOPPING CENTRE IN TOWN DUE TO PYROMANIAC TENDENCIES.
umm umm. oh then we sat outside cineleisure cuz led wanted to catch the last train. fiza the ditz; ok lor. then at 11.15 p.m., eh what time last bus from buona vista to your room? fiza, ah, dunno?
discussed gay tendencies and other homosexual issues. haled has an andro- butt! :D cuz both men and women like it. i am an exception cuz i never noticed his butt before. but hey. it's cool. an andro- butt. a butt both gays and girls like. nyehehehe. *wonders who else has andro- butts* *grins* *keeps it to herself* :D yeah that was a big wide grin right there. you know who you are. wahahaha.
tonight every road we crossed haled held my hand like i was 4 or something cuz he said he doesn't trust me. all this because i ran across a T- junction (while the lights were green and the cars were you know, all around and on the roads and stuff) the last time we went out. tsk. and i was having a fever la. i was DELIRIOUS. i am not ALWAYS like that. i happen to be damn good at jaywalking la.
took 143 back to nus cuz clearly, i missed the last bus into campus already la. then while walking in, i suddenly was DYING to pee. was walking past KR. so emergency call.
"LAREMY! HELP! I NEED TO PEE!" haha. you try calling a guy at 12 midnight and saying that.
long story short; peed, chatted, webcammed (damn weird la we were on webcam then we forgot about it then now we are wondering if we did anything sss sss ssscandalous when we were "forgetting"" about the webcam) and talked. like, talked.
haiyaaaaa. i dunno la. joyce said, "i don't know who he is but whoever he is, he's not worth it. (in reference to guy making me unhappy in certain blog entries.)" haled, "if he wants you he'll tell you la." laremy, "please la. don't be like this. it's damn sad lor to see you like this. you can do better what." basically their call is: go on going out with him if you want, but don't hope. don't like him. and if you can't do all that, then stop going out with him. hmm. harsh.
i will think about it. like laremy said, if he's not in the wrong, why am i defending him?
and laremy, ya la you're not a jerk la. and you're probably right. it's the guys i meet. tsk tsk. bad magnetic vibes ey.
ah well. i would like to think i am keeping my options open but i have probably closed my heart + eyes to OTHER options a long time ago. as hakim said, whatever happened to ryan?
hmm good point. ryan, isma, hairul, win, wan, fadz, james, inter alia. whatever happened to them? fiza happened. i guess. i dunno. i just was NOT interested in them. is that really so bad? sigh. tiring la. i like dating around and all but man it does get tiring. insta- poll:
SHOULD FIZA STOP DATING? (do, suggest other options then if you happen to say yes. studying isn't one cuz that goes without saying la.)
maybe i wasn't as capable as i thought i was. at cutting off emotions from physical intimacy. damn. i really thought i had it down pat. almost, almost. maybe it was just the wrong guy.
i think of thailand alot lately. which is a cause for worry cuz i am one with high tendency to just buy tickets tomorrow and be gone for 3 days having an escapade in chiang mai.
i remember it all now... phayao lake... arriving at chiang mai... riding the tuk- tuk and freezing my butt... morning walks... cycling... waffles and superpower soya bean milk (yes i started drinking soya bean milk in thailand!)... fish sauce in EVERYTHING... how i fell in love with fish sauce and started begging for nam prik with everything i ate... how i always said mai kow jai... nit noy nit noy! haha. man i miss that. that place. kang. chan. noi. mae. mist. huge sunflowers. falling into thorny bushes. dancing to thai techno. hehe. thai YEP group people, please download the song and send it to me! *recalls godwin chicken dance* mai pen rai rai rai rai rai. JAI YEN YEN NA. mwahahaha. hawng nham yu thi naii? haha. so important. cuz of the cold weather. kept wanting to pee la.
i think what i miss more is what i FELT there. freedom. no expectations. no one around. no familiarity. there was no mum no hafiz no hakim no hana no nus no english. just. FOREIGN. no one and nothing i know. i know it sounds means but i didn't really miss anyone till it was muuuuuch later. and even then i didn't really miss them enough to wish days were shorter. i wanted the days to last longer. i dreaded going home cuz thailand was so very wonderful. argh i should shut up. i miss the place again. :(
now must go thai express or siam kitchen or magic wok or something. to alleviate my imissthai mode. boo.
shall sleep now. it's almost 4 a.m. one hour for this entry. i should write novels. dang.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
hah. how bloody apt. i shall go hang myself dry now. i am so soggy.
Monday, March 07, 2005
is it in his eyes? oh nooo he'll make believe
if you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss! (that's where it is!)
in my dorm now. class in an hour. *sings* shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop, it's in his kiss!
aretha franklin is telling me that i am not listening to aaaaall she's said cuz if i wanna know if he loves me soooo it's innnnn his kissss.
aye aye missy aretha.
i woke up grinning today because i had a WONDERFUL dream. haha. I WAS KISSING SOMEONE! whee me! hahaha. kissing dreams usually depress me cuz in those dreams i usually kiss weird people like my close friends or something or something.
*tilts head* hmm. but this wasn't a bad one. he was a good kisser. in the dream lah. and it was a good kiss. and it was a first kiss. according to my dream. ahumm.
hehe. can you see the glittering fiza's eyes at this point? and the huge, huge, wide grin? cuz she knows who she kissed. muahahaha. yea it wasn't some unrecognizable dude. i know this boy. but then now i wouldn't want to actually kiss him cuz then i might find out that he's not as good as he was in my dreams then i'll be so darn disappointed.
and now my iTunes is playing well it's not so bad... you're only the best i ever had... haha. ONLY the best. nyeh. i really can't stop grinning. kiss was that good. tsk. i hate dreams and how they set the bar so damn high.
someone have kidnapped little drummer boy and is holding him hostage in my head. i know this because there's a constant drumming noise up there and little drummer boy's got a hell of a stamina cuz he's been drumming 3 days straight. needa a break, boy? cuz i sure do.
*stabs drummer boy*
if you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss! (that's where it is!)
in my dorm now. class in an hour. *sings* shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop shoop, it's in his kiss!
aretha franklin is telling me that i am not listening to aaaaall she's said cuz if i wanna know if he loves me soooo it's innnnn his kissss.
aye aye missy aretha.
i woke up grinning today because i had a WONDERFUL dream. haha. I WAS KISSING SOMEONE! whee me! hahaha. kissing dreams usually depress me cuz in those dreams i usually kiss weird people like my close friends or something or something.
*tilts head* hmm. but this wasn't a bad one. he was a good kisser. in the dream lah. and it was a good kiss. and it was a first kiss. according to my dream. ahumm.
hehe. can you see the glittering fiza's eyes at this point? and the huge, huge, wide grin? cuz she knows who she kissed. muahahaha. yea it wasn't some unrecognizable dude. i know this boy. but then now i wouldn't want to actually kiss him cuz then i might find out that he's not as good as he was in my dreams then i'll be so darn disappointed.
and now my iTunes is playing well it's not so bad... you're only the best i ever had... haha. ONLY the best. nyeh. i really can't stop grinning. kiss was that good. tsk. i hate dreams and how they set the bar so damn high.
someone have kidnapped little drummer boy and is holding him hostage in my head. i know this because there's a constant drumming noise up there and little drummer boy's got a hell of a stamina cuz he's been drumming 3 days straight. needa a break, boy? cuz i sure do.
*stabs drummer boy*
still sick.
ate hor fun. it got out. damn it.
i blame it on the see- saw. yes me and hakim played on the see- saw. he got nauseas but *i* puked. the world is so just.
i keep drinking hot barley. with the barley bits in it. it's nice and all but DAMN i need my coke.
actually see- saw was fun. haha. and i don't think i puked cuz of it. i puked cuz i was coughing too hard and then whooops out comes hor fun. eeps. too much details?
when we took the elevator kim told me to pretend that we just came out from a cab and that he's walking me to my door. which he didn't, by the way, cuz he saw about 20 shoes at my doorsteps, freaked out like the manly gay that he is, and said bye. hahaha.
i still feel high. my head is so light. if i step out of my window now i might just float.
tomorrow there's school. mondays. bleahness.
i want to eat ICE- CREAM LA. stupid hakim. we were supposed to meet to eat ice- cream. in the end i ate hor fun. which came out anyway. mangkuk.
tomorrow i will buy ice- cream. mars + twix + crunchy bar. YUMMY.
ate hor fun. it got out. damn it.
i blame it on the see- saw. yes me and hakim played on the see- saw. he got nauseas but *i* puked. the world is so just.
i keep drinking hot barley. with the barley bits in it. it's nice and all but DAMN i need my coke.
actually see- saw was fun. haha. and i don't think i puked cuz of it. i puked cuz i was coughing too hard and then whooops out comes hor fun. eeps. too much details?
when we took the elevator kim told me to pretend that we just came out from a cab and that he's walking me to my door. which he didn't, by the way, cuz he saw about 20 shoes at my doorsteps, freaked out like the manly gay that he is, and said bye. hahaha.
i still feel high. my head is so light. if i step out of my window now i might just float.
tomorrow there's school. mondays. bleahness.
i want to eat ICE- CREAM LA. stupid hakim. we were supposed to meet to eat ice- cream. in the end i ate hor fun. which came out anyway. mangkuk.
tomorrow i will buy ice- cream. mars + twix + crunchy bar. YUMMY.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
*blinks*
i just ate some pills. with coke. *blinks* i wasn't really looking. just grabbed what was in the fridge and the red can looked extremely pretty under the dim yellow light of the fridge.
i had to hunt for panadols, which is, of course, non- existent in this house. so i just took this packet of pills which was this really pretty shade of yellow :D and it said pacafen and claims to cure headaches, fever, pain (like WOW ambitious aren't you mr pacafen). just whack la right panadol paracetemol pacafen what's the difference.
now i keep burping. is this what happens when you take panadols with coke? it's quite fun. *burp* *burp*
see this is why i cannot have a beefishes cuz this is EXACTLY the kind of thing i will do at 2 a.m. and then make the poor beefishes have a cow cuz his psychotic grapefish of a girlfriend just took random yellow pills with coke. sigh.
i just ate some pills. with coke. *blinks* i wasn't really looking. just grabbed what was in the fridge and the red can looked extremely pretty under the dim yellow light of the fridge.
i had to hunt for panadols, which is, of course, non- existent in this house. so i just took this packet of pills which was this really pretty shade of yellow :D and it said pacafen and claims to cure headaches, fever, pain (like WOW ambitious aren't you mr pacafen). just whack la right panadol paracetemol pacafen what's the difference.
now i keep burping. is this what happens when you take panadols with coke? it's quite fun. *burp* *burp*
see this is why i cannot have a beefishes cuz this is EXACTLY the kind of thing i will do at 2 a.m. and then make the poor beefishes have a cow cuz his psychotic grapefish of a girlfriend just took random yellow pills with coke. sigh.
i hate being sick. sickness is annoying. these runny nose + cough+ fever and all that crap should get together stick their thang up their ass cuz they are damn annoying. shut up and die sickness. you're annoying and unnecessary and a bloody pain. bah. *throws sickness down dungeon of fiery dragons* DIE SICKNESS DIE.
today i had funnnnnnnn though i finished several packets of tissue.
me and mum looked at TILES and i am having a CHOCOLATEY BROWN TOILET in the new house WHEE.
i am not buying a wadrobe. *collective gasp* nope. *smirk* i am making my own one by buying poles and shelves and drawers. i know, i know. i rock. wahahaha.
went to eat at wismangan after tiles- shopping. but waduhhh handsome bangetttt boy wasn't there. it was a gloomy day in the house of wismangan. :( no la food was still good. but i wanted to see my eye candy. bah.
mum decided that i was sick. yup. had quite a temperature and my nose was doing an olympics sprint on me. boo nose. i hate it when it gets all runny cuz on top of being puny and annoyingly small and bridgeless, my nose have this indescribably wonderful talent of turning a lovely shade of red when it gets all runny. so yay now it's christmas in march.
my throat is dying to be taken out and given a good scratch. swallowing anti- itching powder is tempting too.
post- wismangan we walked around a lil' to digest the rich food of wismangan (ayam lemak cili padi, asam pedas, sotong masak hitam, sayur goreng kacang panjang). then we decided to give our tastebuds another workout.
woooots coffee connoiseur. chocolate lava cake was *closes eyes and makes weird orgasmic noises cuz it was that good* and mocha villa was heaven as always. chocolate lava cake is THE cake. you have this seemingly mundane chocolate bread/ cake thing on your plate. and on top of it is a vanilla ice- cream scoop. then, you POKE the cake and out OOZES chocolate SAUCE. fudgy chocolatey chocolate liquid just pouring out like hot lava. as ghana would say, ahm, you see it now?then you take a bit of the cake, a bit of the ice- cream, a LOT of the sauce and scoop up the berries and berry sauce at the side and put it in your mouth and you
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
no words can describe the joy of eating T.C.C.'s lava cake so PLEASE try it yourself. if you die never having eaten a lava cake you will beg god for it in heaven. seriously.
now that i've been reasonably blasphemous i shall proceed to say that mum bought me two shoes from x:odus today. :D for being sick and for studying hard. sorta. ish. urmmm. ya.
then it was youth park with haled where we caught laremy's band, the rachels. it was good. i liked UVS. they play ska. they got saxaphone. they are having a gig come 20th at siloso. i want to go i want i want.
then haled had to go off so i hung out with lut and marina and then we three plus her sis and her beefishes went lucky plaza mac to eat. met alot of people today. i hate going to town on a saturday. it's as if the whole of singapore came downtown. and there's all this mats and minahs there. i told lut,
"i think only single people looking for other single people come to town on a saturday. then they whistle- whistle ask for number then next week don't need to come town anymore cuz got girlfriend already."
took the bus back. i am so sick. i hate sickness. *stabs sickness 200 times*
during the gig i looked up at the sky and the clouds were moving. north to south, maybe? then i saw the stars. :)
instinctively i wanted to whip my head around and tell the person next to me to look up.
but can't. that person wasn't the person.
tomorrow i will have to sing for that charity gala and right now i have the vocal equivalent of the cat in heat. oooooh sexiness.
today i had funnnnnnnn though i finished several packets of tissue.
me and mum looked at TILES and i am having a CHOCOLATEY BROWN TOILET in the new house WHEE.
i am not buying a wadrobe. *collective gasp* nope. *smirk* i am making my own one by buying poles and shelves and drawers. i know, i know. i rock. wahahaha.
went to eat at wismangan after tiles- shopping. but waduhhh handsome bangetttt boy wasn't there. it was a gloomy day in the house of wismangan. :( no la food was still good. but i wanted to see my eye candy. bah.
mum decided that i was sick. yup. had quite a temperature and my nose was doing an olympics sprint on me. boo nose. i hate it when it gets all runny cuz on top of being puny and annoyingly small and bridgeless, my nose have this indescribably wonderful talent of turning a lovely shade of red when it gets all runny. so yay now it's christmas in march.
my throat is dying to be taken out and given a good scratch. swallowing anti- itching powder is tempting too.
post- wismangan we walked around a lil' to digest the rich food of wismangan (ayam lemak cili padi, asam pedas, sotong masak hitam, sayur goreng kacang panjang). then we decided to give our tastebuds another workout.
woooots coffee connoiseur. chocolate lava cake was *closes eyes and makes weird orgasmic noises cuz it was that good* and mocha villa was heaven as always. chocolate lava cake is THE cake. you have this seemingly mundane chocolate bread/ cake thing on your plate. and on top of it is a vanilla ice- cream scoop. then, you POKE the cake and out OOZES chocolate SAUCE. fudgy chocolatey chocolate liquid just pouring out like hot lava. as ghana would say, ahm, you see it now?then you take a bit of the cake, a bit of the ice- cream, a LOT of the sauce and scoop up the berries and berry sauce at the side and put it in your mouth and you
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
no words can describe the joy of eating T.C.C.'s lava cake so PLEASE try it yourself. if you die never having eaten a lava cake you will beg god for it in heaven. seriously.
now that i've been reasonably blasphemous i shall proceed to say that mum bought me two shoes from x:odus today. :D for being sick and for studying hard. sorta. ish. urmmm. ya.
then it was youth park with haled where we caught laremy's band, the rachels. it was good. i liked UVS. they play ska. they got saxaphone. they are having a gig come 20th at siloso. i want to go i want i want.
then haled had to go off so i hung out with lut and marina and then we three plus her sis and her beefishes went lucky plaza mac to eat. met alot of people today. i hate going to town on a saturday. it's as if the whole of singapore came downtown. and there's all this mats and minahs there. i told lut,
"i think only single people looking for other single people come to town on a saturday. then they whistle- whistle ask for number then next week don't need to come town anymore cuz got girlfriend already."
took the bus back. i am so sick. i hate sickness. *stabs sickness 200 times*
during the gig i looked up at the sky and the clouds were moving. north to south, maybe? then i saw the stars. :)
instinctively i wanted to whip my head around and tell the person next to me to look up.
but can't. that person wasn't the person.
tomorrow i will have to sing for that charity gala and right now i have the vocal equivalent of the cat in heat. oooooh sexiness.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
aaaah. home sweet home.
fridays. morning class that saw a thoroughly stoned fiza. by then, i had been awake for more than 18 hours. gone.
then rehearsals. umm. yeah. this sunday we're performing at raffles place coffee club express at 6 or so. in front of some important people for some important charity gala dinner.
we're doing publicity for the musical again. they asked me if i want to do a solo. i asked if i could sing creed's with arms wide open. tee hee. :D
post- rehearsals was lunch with the rest of the cast and talk cock session with sara. managed to get an hour of sleep when i got back to my room. even then i awoke more deranged than ever.
supposed to go for some 'gig' at peejay. there wasn't any after all. severe communication problems with multiple parties. no la it's not as complicated as it sounds. but i still don't really know how it happened. turned out the gig was at TJC. which is at the other end of the island. whoopee doo.
due to abovementioned miscommunication, i met hazimah & hakim at lot 1 instead. had fries and coke then watched hitch.
nice one. funny, laugh- out- loud and aaaaw- together kinda movie. the guy who appeared last was damn cute. shall google him in a jiffy.
i am so pleased that i wrote 7 pages of random crap in 4 hours. now, i shall attempt to type 1000 (more) words (of crap) for sociology of deviance (smoking in NUS) project. blah dee bla bla.
supper with mum at c2k park. chatted. talked about stuff.
she sayeth, do not sacrifice. this is your life. do what you want. don't gloat over his sorrow, but at the same time, don't let his sadness gnaw you from inside or worse, make you feel guilty when you feel happy with someone not him.
i personally think if it really boils down to it, i won't mind making the sacrifice. i think he deserves it even. but only if there is no other way to it.
while waiting for my mum i just had to take out my iBook smack in the middle of the park because the breeze had caught my hair, i was grinning to myself and the stars were just in abundance. scattered like smitherins of broken glass all over the thick, black night sky. i wrote,
I just had to write something down immediately cuz I never want to forget this magical moment
there's more of course but that is the first and most important line. now i close my eyes and i see myself there again, breeze blowing, stars twinkling, grinning and humming "hooked on a feeling" to myself.
if only every night was this beautiful. no wait, i think it is. haha.
i feel like going back there. sit there in the middle of the park. just sit. and be there.
bah. tomorrow i shall accompany my mum to some ulu, terpelusuk place to look for ceramic tiles for the new toilets in the new house. TILES! WHEE! *froths*
i want to meet someone tomorrow. *looks behind her back* got la. someone. hehehehehe. ''shhhh.
wouldn't YOU like to know. *smirk*
fridays. morning class that saw a thoroughly stoned fiza. by then, i had been awake for more than 18 hours. gone.
then rehearsals. umm. yeah. this sunday we're performing at raffles place coffee club express at 6 or so. in front of some important people for some important charity gala dinner.
we're doing publicity for the musical again. they asked me if i want to do a solo. i asked if i could sing creed's with arms wide open. tee hee. :D
post- rehearsals was lunch with the rest of the cast and talk cock session with sara. managed to get an hour of sleep when i got back to my room. even then i awoke more deranged than ever.
supposed to go for some 'gig' at peejay. there wasn't any after all. severe communication problems with multiple parties. no la it's not as complicated as it sounds. but i still don't really know how it happened. turned out the gig was at TJC. which is at the other end of the island. whoopee doo.
due to abovementioned miscommunication, i met hazimah & hakim at lot 1 instead. had fries and coke then watched hitch.
nice one. funny, laugh- out- loud and aaaaw- together kinda movie. the guy who appeared last was damn cute. shall google him in a jiffy.
i am so pleased that i wrote 7 pages of random crap in 4 hours. now, i shall attempt to type 1000 (more) words (of crap) for sociology of deviance (smoking in NUS) project. blah dee bla bla.
supper with mum at c2k park. chatted. talked about stuff.
she sayeth, do not sacrifice. this is your life. do what you want. don't gloat over his sorrow, but at the same time, don't let his sadness gnaw you from inside or worse, make you feel guilty when you feel happy with someone not him.
i personally think if it really boils down to it, i won't mind making the sacrifice. i think he deserves it even. but only if there is no other way to it.
while waiting for my mum i just had to take out my iBook smack in the middle of the park because the breeze had caught my hair, i was grinning to myself and the stars were just in abundance. scattered like smitherins of broken glass all over the thick, black night sky. i wrote,
I just had to write something down immediately cuz I never want to forget this magical moment
there's more of course but that is the first and most important line. now i close my eyes and i see myself there again, breeze blowing, stars twinkling, grinning and humming "hooked on a feeling" to myself.
if only every night was this beautiful. no wait, i think it is. haha.
i feel like going back there. sit there in the middle of the park. just sit. and be there.
bah. tomorrow i shall accompany my mum to some ulu, terpelusuk place to look for ceramic tiles for the new toilets in the new house. TILES! WHEE! *froths*
i want to meet someone tomorrow. *looks behind her back* got la. someone. hehehehehe. ''shhhh.
wouldn't YOU like to know. *smirk*
Friday, March 04, 2005
*LATEST!*
the jambanism profile have been created. yes. to all of you linked to me and hana on friendster, you may now add us. ONLY, of course, if you embrace jambanism.
if you read this blog often enough and keep coming back for more, don't deny it any longer, my children of the corn.
you're addicted to shit.
:D
life is like a toilet bowl. it depends on who's sitting on it. and as they say, shit happens.
come onboard. a future full of shit doth awaits.
Jambanism, exciting and new
Come Aboard, we're expecting you
Shit, life's sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you.
Jamban Boat soon will be making another run
The Jamban Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.
Shit won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! It's Shiiiiiiiiiiit!
Adaptation of The Love Boat Theme Song
the jambanism profile have been created. yes. to all of you linked to me and hana on friendster, you may now add us. ONLY, of course, if you embrace jambanism.
if you read this blog often enough and keep coming back for more, don't deny it any longer, my children of the corn.
you're addicted to shit.
:D
life is like a toilet bowl. it depends on who's sitting on it. and as they say, shit happens.
come onboard. a future full of shit doth awaits.
Jambanism, exciting and new
Come Aboard, we're expecting you
Shit, life's sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you.
Jamban Boat soon will be making another run
The Jamban Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.
Shit won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! It's Shiiiiiiiiiiit!
Adaptation of The Love Boat Theme Song
i just finished my essay about an hour ago or so.
i have not slept a wink.
i am so stoned.
i'm high.
oh oh.
i am constantly worried about my sanity.
i cannot go on like this. this madness has to stop.
but i got no points of comparison. i forgot what is normal. i stopped being normal a long time ago. i am a paranormal creature.
i got six hands and seven tails and 3 nostrils. and 20 eyes. and 50 eyebrows. and one jillion crazy thoughts fighting to get out of my poor wrung- out brain.
i have not slept a wink.
i am so stoned.
i'm high.
oh oh.
i am constantly worried about my sanity.
i cannot go on like this. this madness has to stop.
but i got no points of comparison. i forgot what is normal. i stopped being normal a long time ago. i am a paranormal creature.
i got six hands and seven tails and 3 nostrils. and 20 eyes. and 50 eyebrows. and one jillion crazy thoughts fighting to get out of my poor wrung- out brain.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
i want.
I'm not feeling alright today
I'm not feeling that great
I'm not catching on fire today
Love has started to fade
I'm not going to smile today
I'm not gonna laugh
You're out living it up today
I've got dues to pay
And the gravedigger puts on the forceps
The stonemason does all the work
The barber can give you a haircut
The carpenter can take you out to lunch
Now I just want to play on my panpipes
I just want to drink me some wine
As soon as you're born you start dyin'
So you might as well have a good time
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats, go to hell
Cake; Sheep Go To Heaven
i'm on full cake- binge now. total addiction. 6- page essay and family tree coming up. then a thousand word essay for sociology of deviance. *sets gears grinding*
i realize i was on the extreme point of crankiness for the previous entry. but still. silence on my end. are you trying to prove me right?
i told shan, true love is the beginning of a tragedy. the ending of true love is tragic. while it lasts, it's magic. (and think of it, it is inevitable. an ending. if not in word, i.e. a split, then in death. whereby one leaves anyway. like it or not.)
shan modified it into; ending of true love is tragic. the middle is magic. the starting is logic.
i argued that LOGIC is a rarity in love. he says, no, true love starts with logic. boy likes girl. girl likes boy. they get together. and hence.
i almost choked on my muffin. since WHEN is it that the like is a guaranteed two- way? since when, is it, that when a boy likes the girl he TELLS, hence allowing the girl to professing to the same mutual feelings?
i can come out with a gazillion arguments to defy that theory. pffffffffft. if it was THAT simple, aunt aggies and female corny magazines i.e. cleo, 17, female yadayada will be OUT OF BUSINESS.
(at this point, someone has broken the silence. i am afloat. again. see. it's not your fault at all. it's me who let you do this to me. but screw you anyway.)
anyway back. to that. erm yea. so. logic. is invalid when it comes to love and hearts. at least, initially. when you're falling, you need to cast logic aside to fully savour the moments. i've learnt this from personal experience.
i hate. it. ugh. sorry. i am. distracted. by someone. DAMN IT. you shouldn't be allowed to do this things. you come and go...
i feel so much better. haha. why? cuz. i have changed his name in my phonebook as SPAWN OF SATAN. hahahahahaha. come on laugh with me. it's so childish and unbelievably dumb that by god, you HAVE to laugh!
YOU are the SPAWN OF SATAN but you don't know it. and that makes me pleased as a punch. :D
and/ but, it all boils down to... it's you who make me happy.
I'm not feeling that great
I'm not catching on fire today
Love has started to fade
I'm not going to smile today
I'm not gonna laugh
You're out living it up today
I've got dues to pay
And the gravedigger puts on the forceps
The stonemason does all the work
The barber can give you a haircut
The carpenter can take you out to lunch
Now I just want to play on my panpipes
I just want to drink me some wine
As soon as you're born you start dyin'
So you might as well have a good time
Sheep go to heaven
Goats go to hell
Sheep go to heaven
Goats, go to hell
Cake; Sheep Go To Heaven
i'm on full cake- binge now. total addiction. 6- page essay and family tree coming up. then a thousand word essay for sociology of deviance. *sets gears grinding*
i realize i was on the extreme point of crankiness for the previous entry. but still. silence on my end. are you trying to prove me right?
i told shan, true love is the beginning of a tragedy. the ending of true love is tragic. while it lasts, it's magic. (and think of it, it is inevitable. an ending. if not in word, i.e. a split, then in death. whereby one leaves anyway. like it or not.)
shan modified it into; ending of true love is tragic. the middle is magic. the starting is logic.
i argued that LOGIC is a rarity in love. he says, no, true love starts with logic. boy likes girl. girl likes boy. they get together. and hence.
i almost choked on my muffin. since WHEN is it that the like is a guaranteed two- way? since when, is it, that when a boy likes the girl he TELLS, hence allowing the girl to professing to the same mutual feelings?
i can come out with a gazillion arguments to defy that theory. pffffffffft. if it was THAT simple, aunt aggies and female corny magazines i.e. cleo, 17, female yadayada will be OUT OF BUSINESS.
(at this point, someone has broken the silence. i am afloat. again. see. it's not your fault at all. it's me who let you do this to me. but screw you anyway.)
anyway back. to that. erm yea. so. logic. is invalid when it comes to love and hearts. at least, initially. when you're falling, you need to cast logic aside to fully savour the moments. i've learnt this from personal experience.
i hate. it. ugh. sorry. i am. distracted. by someone. DAMN IT. you shouldn't be allowed to do this things. you come and go...
i feel so much better. haha. why? cuz. i have changed his name in my phonebook as SPAWN OF SATAN. hahahahahaha. come on laugh with me. it's so childish and unbelievably dumb that by god, you HAVE to laugh!
YOU are the SPAWN OF SATAN but you don't know it. and that makes me pleased as a punch. :D
and/ but, it all boils down to... it's you who make me happy.
mense cramps suck. period. (har, har don't you just love my puns.)
but because i've skipped the first 2 of soci tutorials already, skipping the 3rd one would be suicide cuz by the 4th when we present i'll be the ghost student who came out from nowhere.
a jerk has been discovered. (i think.)
the jerk shall be removed. (i hope.)
a lesson have been learnt.
a theory (see previous entry) have been proven right, again.
i never knew the games you were playing but i always knew i wanted it straight up. my mistake was not telling you that.
i don't think i want to hear it. you met someone new you found someone better you think you're not ready for god-knows-what, save me the entertainment, cuz that's all your explainations will be to me.
allow me to at least walk off with SOME pride intact.
-and again, disclaimer. this could be the pain talking. bloody mense cramps. yesiknow another pun. :D-
but because i've skipped the first 2 of soci tutorials already, skipping the 3rd one would be suicide cuz by the 4th when we present i'll be the ghost student who came out from nowhere.
a jerk has been discovered. (i think.)
the jerk shall be removed. (i hope.)
a lesson have been learnt.
a theory (see previous entry) have been proven right, again.
i never knew the games you were playing but i always knew i wanted it straight up. my mistake was not telling you that.
i don't think i want to hear it. you met someone new you found someone better you think you're not ready for god-knows-what, save me the entertainment, cuz that's all your explainations will be to me.
allow me to at least walk off with SOME pride intact.
-and again, disclaimer. this could be the pain talking. bloody mense cramps. yesiknow another pun. :D-
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
good looks comes with a price. hmm. something me and farhan discussed. once you know you're good- looking and you think you're good- looking, you're on your way to to jerkville faster than you can say "wait i need my comb".
fantastic day. :) lunch with khalid, rehearsed for half hour then performed the publicity song for the musical. went pretty well i think. yay. then had a brief soci meeting. deviance. abagabajabadooba.
then dizzy drove me to bishan. and. haha. it rained. and. none of the stations played nice songs. so. we. decided. to sing our own songs.
umm. we did sang to one radio song. the radio played this old malay rock song... i only knew this one line,
ooooooooohhh..... saaaaaaa....... kuuuuuuuuu........ raaaaaaaaa.......
haha. then we decided to sing BLOODSHED srikandi cintaku which is this bloody old malay rock song. and we did it with complete gestures and facial contortions and of course, high- pitched shrieking rocker voice.
in the car in the rain.
i can't explain it. the hilarity of it all but the JOY of it. losing our voices. imitating those rockers. i want someone who can do that with me. haha. unfortunately dizzy is not my type and i'm not his. so we gotta keep looking. damn. haha.
i love you dizzy!
ok moving on. town was a blast with azri and farhan whom i haven't met in eons. secondary school people. damn miss the good old doggone days. got my shoes. happy happy. ate lunch. travelled some. cancelled tuition. :D
chatted with farhan at clementi's water fountain area till 8- ish. :) thanks dude i had a good time. we talked. about alot of things. good times, we have.
back in dorm now. tired. but contented.
forget my cups discussion. i will just keep the bloody cup. bah. everyone wants the cup at the same time then everyone drops the cup then the cup has to keep picking itself up over and over again.
the cup.
someday, someway.
fantastic day. :) lunch with khalid, rehearsed for half hour then performed the publicity song for the musical. went pretty well i think. yay. then had a brief soci meeting. deviance. abagabajabadooba.
then dizzy drove me to bishan. and. haha. it rained. and. none of the stations played nice songs. so. we. decided. to sing our own songs.
umm. we did sang to one radio song. the radio played this old malay rock song... i only knew this one line,
ooooooooohhh..... saaaaaaa....... kuuuuuuuuu........ raaaaaaaaa.......
haha. then we decided to sing BLOODSHED srikandi cintaku which is this bloody old malay rock song. and we did it with complete gestures and facial contortions and of course, high- pitched shrieking rocker voice.
in the car in the rain.
i can't explain it. the hilarity of it all but the JOY of it. losing our voices. imitating those rockers. i want someone who can do that with me. haha. unfortunately dizzy is not my type and i'm not his. so we gotta keep looking. damn. haha.
i love you dizzy!
ok moving on. town was a blast with azri and farhan whom i haven't met in eons. secondary school people. damn miss the good old doggone days. got my shoes. happy happy. ate lunch. travelled some. cancelled tuition. :D
chatted with farhan at clementi's water fountain area till 8- ish. :) thanks dude i had a good time. we talked. about alot of things. good times, we have.
back in dorm now. tired. but contented.
forget my cups discussion. i will just keep the bloody cup. bah. everyone wants the cup at the same time then everyone drops the cup then the cup has to keep picking itself up over and over again.
the cup.
someday, someway.
is there ever a right reason to be in a relationship? i don't know anymore. suddenly the whole ideal concept of being with the one you love is such a farce to me. what about sacrifices you make for the people you care? is it not possible? is sacrificing so out- of- fashion now? i am willing to do this sacrifice. but if it's largely based on sympathy, is it good enough? it won't be fair to keep giving you a cup half empty. but you seem so happy to just at least have the bloody cup. and i am at the point of time where, i just might, give you the cup.
but is it for the right reasons? if you knew i'm back cuz i was tired of seeing you sad, will it matter? what's better? to not have the cup, or have the cup but knowing the cup is not there for the right reasons?
i don't want to go back to you for the wrong reasons. but any reason i have now is wrong anyway. because "i'm back cuz i'm in love with you" is not one of them.
but. sigh. i want you to smile again. i want to touch your heart and let it be light and take off again into the starry sparkly night.
as long as you're here, i won't be giving the cup to anyone. cuz i know it will hurt. but. i don't know. i don't see you leaving and i don't want you to totally leave either. so you have to stay. and the cup? what?
i am tired. this might be just the caffeine talking. it's been a rough night.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.
Cake; The Roof is On Fire.
but is it for the right reasons? if you knew i'm back cuz i was tired of seeing you sad, will it matter? what's better? to not have the cup, or have the cup but knowing the cup is not there for the right reasons?
i don't want to go back to you for the wrong reasons. but any reason i have now is wrong anyway. because "i'm back cuz i'm in love with you" is not one of them.
but. sigh. i want you to smile again. i want to touch your heart and let it be light and take off again into the starry sparkly night.
as long as you're here, i won't be giving the cup to anyone. cuz i know it will hurt. but. i don't know. i don't see you leaving and i don't want you to totally leave either. so you have to stay. and the cup? what?
i am tired. this might be just the caffeine talking. it's been a rough night.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.
Cake; The Roof is On Fire.
why deadpanned? why not deadwok or deadpot?
i like deadpot. has a nice ring to it. plus, a person who has deadpotted can be called a deadpotty. and all deadpotties are full of shit. and it all comes back down to the jamban theory. i am planning to make jambanism a subculture. one day my children will take ghana's sc2212 sociology of deviance module and hear him speak of the deviant subculture of jambanism.
i love ghana. i really do. if he wasn't indian and didn't have a moustache so disturbingly rajeshkana- like and wears gold jewellery, i'll probably have a crush on him.
according to david matza, you can never entirely cut yourself off the conventional value system of the legitimate world even when you enter the criminal underworld and start embracing subterrenean values and ideals. in fact, you constantly cross over the two over and over again. (this is called the delinquent drift.) hence, you subscribe to both sets of value system SIMULTANEOUSLY.
ghana's idea of an example of this is, "so, professor by day, prostitute by night."
evidence of the validity of matza's theory is that there are 5 (generally) techniques of rationalization. can't remember them all but i recall the denial of injury (physical and non- physical), whereby you claim that what you did did not actually cause any or much harm to the victim.
i.e. "steal from takashimaya ok what. it's only make- up. what's that to them. they're capitalist anyway."
oh oh another one is denial of responsibility. "i didn't do it!" my personal favourite: "it wasn't me. the devil took me. he made me kill my partner." caya laaaa ghana...
the last one was appeal to higher loyalties. also known among cops as the noble cause correction. whereby criminals justify their action as right for it was in the name of something something or someone or another.
"i had to beat the shit out of the fella. i had to do it for my kinaniga (or something like this la k.)"
i looooove this module. ghana is a hilarious man. i love that "ahmmm!" sound he makes. and how he says, "you see the picture? you follow?" haha. k i am gushing. mwahaha. and all of the above is from memory. see. if you're a good lecturer, you'll fascinate retards like me who hangs on to every word you say and memorise them word for word like a lovesick, um, lover.
good day. i heard my usp paper is due friday not wednesday. still unsure. but i will go with friday cuz it's 6 pages long (minumum. cows come pouring, shit flies around like magical fairies.) and i'm still on like, um. *clicks on New Document on Words window* blank page. :D
i am a deadpotty. deadpotty. hmm. so many ways you can use this in the wonderful world of jamban. *NEW WORD ALERT*
i will do a vocab list soon k? then got spelling test all. hahaha. my student who is only 9 is more forgetful than anyone else i know. gaaaah.
tomorrow is mad hatter's day in nus whereby i will be performing with the rest of the musical cast. we're singing- part of the promotions for the USP Musical, The Rise and Fall of Little Voice, due in theatres near you come May 13th- 15th. no actually it's not near at all it's at tam-pi- bloody-nes.
i shall work on my family tree and kinship essay now though it is due friday. or tomorrow. doesn't matter. i'm sticking with friday.
i miss someone. boo.
i like deadpot. has a nice ring to it. plus, a person who has deadpotted can be called a deadpotty. and all deadpotties are full of shit. and it all comes back down to the jamban theory. i am planning to make jambanism a subculture. one day my children will take ghana's sc2212 sociology of deviance module and hear him speak of the deviant subculture of jambanism.
i love ghana. i really do. if he wasn't indian and didn't have a moustache so disturbingly rajeshkana- like and wears gold jewellery, i'll probably have a crush on him.
according to david matza, you can never entirely cut yourself off the conventional value system of the legitimate world even when you enter the criminal underworld and start embracing subterrenean values and ideals. in fact, you constantly cross over the two over and over again. (this is called the delinquent drift.) hence, you subscribe to both sets of value system SIMULTANEOUSLY.
ghana's idea of an example of this is, "so, professor by day, prostitute by night."
evidence of the validity of matza's theory is that there are 5 (generally) techniques of rationalization. can't remember them all but i recall the denial of injury (physical and non- physical), whereby you claim that what you did did not actually cause any or much harm to the victim.
i.e. "steal from takashimaya ok what. it's only make- up. what's that to them. they're capitalist anyway."
oh oh another one is denial of responsibility. "i didn't do it!" my personal favourite: "it wasn't me. the devil took me. he made me kill my partner." caya laaaa ghana...
the last one was appeal to higher loyalties. also known among cops as the noble cause correction. whereby criminals justify their action as right for it was in the name of something something or someone or another.
"i had to beat the shit out of the fella. i had to do it for my kinaniga (or something like this la k.)"
i looooove this module. ghana is a hilarious man. i love that "ahmmm!" sound he makes. and how he says, "you see the picture? you follow?" haha. k i am gushing. mwahaha. and all of the above is from memory. see. if you're a good lecturer, you'll fascinate retards like me who hangs on to every word you say and memorise them word for word like a lovesick, um, lover.
good day. i heard my usp paper is due friday not wednesday. still unsure. but i will go with friday cuz it's 6 pages long (minumum. cows come pouring, shit flies around like magical fairies.) and i'm still on like, um. *clicks on New Document on Words window* blank page. :D
i am a deadpotty. deadpotty. hmm. so many ways you can use this in the wonderful world of jamban. *NEW WORD ALERT*
i will do a vocab list soon k? then got spelling test all. hahaha. my student who is only 9 is more forgetful than anyone else i know. gaaaah.
tomorrow is mad hatter's day in nus whereby i will be performing with the rest of the musical cast. we're singing- part of the promotions for the USP Musical, The Rise and Fall of Little Voice, due in theatres near you come May 13th- 15th. no actually it's not near at all it's at tam-pi- bloody-nes.
i shall work on my family tree and kinship essay now though it is due friday. or tomorrow. doesn't matter. i'm sticking with friday.
i miss someone. boo.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
the relationship between parent and child is determined by the nature of the parents... the relationship between male and female is left entirely to chance and probability.
- Claude Levi- Strauss; the elementary structures of kinship.
:D:D:D:D evidence that i have been mugging! i am absolutely BURSTING with pride though this is like, week 3 readings la and we're like in week i don't know what already. :D but still! i read. i rock.
then because i sat down and read something i felt that i deserve a break and a pleasing desktop picture. hence;
don't STARE at me like that. he is old enough to be my DAD but hell if a man double his age and looks like him i will marry him in a heartbeat. oh so shallow i know but hey i've been mugging. give me a break.
if you're 56 and you look half as HOT (not good- looking, not fit, but HOT), i will post your pic up here too.
an obscene amount of 17- year olds have been smsing and msning me for advice on what to do post- o levels. haha. i'm wondering if i should start a temporal website and charge people for my services.
there i was giving opinions on poly Vs jc and cjc VS pjc and whatnots. topics of discussion includes ugly uniforms, how cheena it is, university prospects (poly), loopholes in the application exercise (for those who didn't do too well and might go ITE) and god knows what else.
there i was dishing out links like nobody's business. nus and pjc should pay me for my selfless promotions. eh actually if they pay me then not so selfless already right? ok lor. i'll be selfish. now pay up.
i am talking too much nonsense and too many people are quoting me. again, a possible business venture. hmm hmm.
another cause for happiness. i got SHOES. shoooooooooooooes. shoooooooooooooes.
prettypinkfloweryshoes ahoy!
i am so happy. i read 3/ 9 pages of my week 3 readings. :) that's an achievement ok. cuz i am so lazy lately.
oh what am i talking about. i was always lazy.
i was so lazy, i couldn't be bothered to wait for the bloody midwife to tell my mum to push and just popped out myself. helloooooooooooo world. meet the new iconic sloth. :)
- Claude Levi- Strauss; the elementary structures of kinship.
:D:D:D:D evidence that i have been mugging! i am absolutely BURSTING with pride though this is like, week 3 readings la and we're like in week i don't know what already. :D but still! i read. i rock.
then because i sat down and read something i felt that i deserve a break and a pleasing desktop picture. hence;
don't STARE at me like that. he is old enough to be my DAD but hell if a man double his age and looks like him i will marry him in a heartbeat. oh so shallow i know but hey i've been mugging. give me a break.
if you're 56 and you look half as HOT (not good- looking, not fit, but HOT), i will post your pic up here too.
an obscene amount of 17- year olds have been smsing and msning me for advice on what to do post- o levels. haha. i'm wondering if i should start a temporal website and charge people for my services.
there i was giving opinions on poly Vs jc and cjc VS pjc and whatnots. topics of discussion includes ugly uniforms, how cheena it is, university prospects (poly), loopholes in the application exercise (for those who didn't do too well and might go ITE) and god knows what else.
there i was dishing out links like nobody's business. nus and pjc should pay me for my selfless promotions. eh actually if they pay me then not so selfless already right? ok lor. i'll be selfish. now pay up.
i am talking too much nonsense and too many people are quoting me. again, a possible business venture. hmm hmm.
another cause for happiness. i got SHOES. shoooooooooooooes. shoooooooooooooes.
prettypinkfloweryshoes ahoy!
i am so happy. i read 3/ 9 pages of my week 3 readings. :) that's an achievement ok. cuz i am so lazy lately.
oh what am i talking about. i was always lazy.
i was so lazy, i couldn't be bothered to wait for the bloody midwife to tell my mum to push and just popped out myself. helloooooooooooo world. meet the new iconic sloth. :)