I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
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Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
March 2003
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Monday, January 31, 2005
hmm. i trust my mum so i shan't worry. she says it's possible but at the same time it's not full- fledged yet so don't go around hoping. :) i won't mum.
she told me not to hope yet. and i won't. but i'm secretly pleased that she thinks there's a possibility.
we both agreed though, that i am happier and better single. she prefers me single until the right guy comes along. haha. problem is, the guys who comes along always seem right. it's just me.
i will, one day, find the future husband. or he might be here and i just can't see. it's all uncertain. what i know is when it comes, i'm going to be very ready. but for now,
i'm not. :D
she told me not to hope yet. and i won't. but i'm secretly pleased that she thinks there's a possibility.
we both agreed though, that i am happier and better single. she prefers me single until the right guy comes along. haha. problem is, the guys who comes along always seem right. it's just me.
i will, one day, find the future husband. or he might be here and i just can't see. it's all uncertain. what i know is when it comes, i'm going to be very ready. but for now,
i'm not. :D
wah this song damn feeling can? reminds me of very long- gone days. very very long- gone. tsk. damn melancholic can. i bet all you 85ers and below know this. for SURE one. wah damn feeling... shit. hahaha. i damn sappy now can?!
Exist
Rahsia Pohon Cemara
Berkurun lama kurahsiakan
Cintaku padamu
Hanya kerna kau ratu laksana
Di singgahsana
Di tasik ini, di pohon cemara
Yang teguh meninggi
Bagai harapan ku kepadamu
Sekian lama
Akan kuserah cinta abadi
Menyerlah sinar malam sepimu
Agar menjadi penawar lukamu
Warna hatimu
Akan kubawa kau mengembara
Menerokai alam asmara
Mengubu kota
Cinta kita
Genggam erat jajiku
Sematkan di dalam hatimu
Moga cinta makin mekar
Mengharumkan hidupmu
Exist
Rahsia Pohon Cemara
Berkurun lama kurahsiakan
Cintaku padamu
Hanya kerna kau ratu laksana
Di singgahsana
Di tasik ini, di pohon cemara
Yang teguh meninggi
Bagai harapan ku kepadamu
Sekian lama
Akan kuserah cinta abadi
Menyerlah sinar malam sepimu
Agar menjadi penawar lukamu
Warna hatimu
Akan kubawa kau mengembara
Menerokai alam asmara
Mengubu kota
Cinta kita
Genggam erat jajiku
Sematkan di dalam hatimu
Moga cinta makin mekar
Mengharumkan hidupmu
Sunday, January 30, 2005
MSN REFUSES to sign me in. GRR.
do you BLAME me for being PISSED?
though.
ISKIPPEDMYWAYHOMETODAYTRALALALALA. :)
youuuuuuuuuuu make me smileeeeeeeeeeeee like an idioooooooooooot... :D:D:D:D
i feel light and fluffy like cotton candy and that is the only reason why i am not EXTREMELY pissed. :D
today... hmm... well. today. today eh... hehe... today hor... uhm... hehehehe.
wahahahaha. WHAT AN INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCE.
ok ok. today i went to my aunt's place. PARRRRRRRRTY! er ya. a niece's birthday. yes. miss princess is one. *squishes miss princess* she is bloodymofoing cute.
wow that was vulgar. haha.
then then then. HEE. hahahaha. i am losing it.
oh before that we bought another gift for the nephew. his birthday is in a few days time too. so combine. bought him a mini- drum set. so technically, my mum and me just single- handedly bought the cause for potential deafness in that household. WHEE US!
okokok. iamsochangingtopics.
i am SICKENINGLY HAPPY TODAY. SIIIIIIIIIICK.
ish. damn it i am annoyingly happy. if i were a sad depressed person i would slap myself. but unfortunately i'm not. i'm the sickeningly happy person. nyahaha. argh!
goddammitfizaspill. *grins*
wanted to go bugis with mum to make my glasses. in the cab,
"eh wanna go great world city? got furniture and he's working there."
"oh ok la can also."
(go figure which was MY line.)
so great world city it was. dumdeedadeedadeeda. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH.
er ya. arrived. went toilet. :D pretty GWC toilet. i like i like i like.
then walked around, saw many FASCINATING pieces for the new house... *hyperventilates and starts frothing from all the excitement and anticipation*
then we took a break. at spinelli's. *griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin*
(imagine fiza and her mouthful of teeth smiiiiiiiiling from ear- to- ear. ok? now puke. wahahaha.)
had cookie spin, mum had banana smoothie (recommended, ahem) and rocky road brownie which had MARSHMELLOW LOR.
*smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles and laughs to herself*
(this is the point where i PRAY to GOD above that someone doesn't read this blog. gaaaahahaha.)
met sara. *looks outside and smiles to herself. yet again.*
uh ya. sara. chatted a little and laughed. about. something. TEEHEEHEE. i am goddamningly irritating today aren't i.
aungh... and... oh finished our brownie and drinks... btw, he who works there is very polite and SERIOUS at work. haha. my mum was SMITTEN. like the rest of the female population is la. pfffffffffft. he was so polite to my mum. BROWNIE POINTS!
(again, if someone reads all this, then it'll be like, so pointless. he will so know though i don't mention any names. nyeh. and it will so spoil my fun. so YOU if YOU read this, pretend YOU didn't. haha.)
anyhoos. ate. finished. said our goodbyes..................... WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. at this point something that makes me float and smile and laugh to myself and skipped my way home happened, but i can't say what. it's between mum and me.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
then visited my uncle at SGH and played with my adorablest nephew EVER, alif. i'm a point of time in my life whereby my whole family, distant and immediate, are having babies like the rabbits in heat.
it makes me feel so auntie- auntie lor!
but anyhoos. played around... laughed a lil'... then took the train home. then packed. then took a cab to pgp. now in my room N level 6 block 15.
WHERE FOR SOME ODD REASONS, MSN REFUSES TO LOG ME INTO MSN. bah.
but after today... i don't actually need MSN to make me happy. in fact, any happier, i am going to combust.
*gazes at night sky and grins*
lovely, ain't it? life. haa.
do you BLAME me for being PISSED?
though.
ISKIPPEDMYWAYHOMETODAYTRALALALALA. :)
youuuuuuuuuuu make me smileeeeeeeeeeeee like an idioooooooooooot... :D:D:D:D
i feel light and fluffy like cotton candy and that is the only reason why i am not EXTREMELY pissed. :D
today... hmm... well. today. today eh... hehe... today hor... uhm... hehehehe.
wahahahaha. WHAT AN INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCE.
ok ok. today i went to my aunt's place. PARRRRRRRRTY! er ya. a niece's birthday. yes. miss princess is one. *squishes miss princess* she is bloodymofoing cute.
wow that was vulgar. haha.
then then then. HEE. hahahaha. i am losing it.
oh before that we bought another gift for the nephew. his birthday is in a few days time too. so combine. bought him a mini- drum set. so technically, my mum and me just single- handedly bought the cause for potential deafness in that household. WHEE US!
okokok. iamsochangingtopics.
i am SICKENINGLY HAPPY TODAY. SIIIIIIIIIICK.
ish. damn it i am annoyingly happy. if i were a sad depressed person i would slap myself. but unfortunately i'm not. i'm the sickeningly happy person. nyahaha. argh!
goddammitfizaspill. *grins*
wanted to go bugis with mum to make my glasses. in the cab,
"eh wanna go great world city? got furniture and he's working there."
"oh ok la can also."
(go figure which was MY line.)
so great world city it was. dumdeedadeedadeeda. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH.
er ya. arrived. went toilet. :D pretty GWC toilet. i like i like i like.
then walked around, saw many FASCINATING pieces for the new house... *hyperventilates and starts frothing from all the excitement and anticipation*
then we took a break. at spinelli's. *griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin*
(imagine fiza and her mouthful of teeth smiiiiiiiiling from ear- to- ear. ok? now puke. wahahaha.)
had cookie spin, mum had banana smoothie (recommended, ahem) and rocky road brownie which had MARSHMELLOW LOR.
*smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles and laughs to herself*
(this is the point where i PRAY to GOD above that someone doesn't read this blog. gaaaahahaha.)
met sara. *looks outside and smiles to herself. yet again.*
uh ya. sara. chatted a little and laughed. about. something. TEEHEEHEE. i am goddamningly irritating today aren't i.
aungh... and... oh finished our brownie and drinks... btw, he who works there is very polite and SERIOUS at work. haha. my mum was SMITTEN. like the rest of the female population is la. pfffffffffft. he was so polite to my mum. BROWNIE POINTS!
(again, if someone reads all this, then it'll be like, so pointless. he will so know though i don't mention any names. nyeh. and it will so spoil my fun. so YOU if YOU read this, pretend YOU didn't. haha.)
anyhoos. ate. finished. said our goodbyes..................... WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. at this point something that makes me float and smile and laugh to myself and skipped my way home happened, but i can't say what. it's between mum and me.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
then visited my uncle at SGH and played with my adorablest nephew EVER, alif. i'm a point of time in my life whereby my whole family, distant and immediate, are having babies like the rabbits in heat.
it makes me feel so auntie- auntie lor!
but anyhoos. played around... laughed a lil'... then took the train home. then packed. then took a cab to pgp. now in my room N level 6 block 15.
WHERE FOR SOME ODD REASONS, MSN REFUSES TO LOG ME INTO MSN. bah.
but after today... i don't actually need MSN to make me happy. in fact, any happier, i am going to combust.
*gazes at night sky and grins*
lovely, ain't it? life. haa.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
any takers?
Fizalogy 1101E. (Class limited to 15 per semester.)
Week 1- Reading.
A minimal exposure to wide variety of books ranging from poetry, chick lit, self- empowerment, inspirational and classics. Example of authors would be John Donne, Carole Matthews, Mitch Albom, Tracy Cox, Cindy Chupack, and Michael Connelly.
Week 2- Talking.
A comprehensive introduction to Fizaish, her own personal breed of language. Commonly used terms such as jamban, jamban cleaning, shit happens, doink, kapish and more will be elaborated on it’s history and explained in context. Students, on the other hand, shall learn to appreciate Fizaism and possibly enjoy interaction in this form. Also a sneak preview whereby Fiza shall speak at her usual abnormal speed and students will attempt to decipher her blabbering.
Week 3- Music.
Possibly the most enjoyable class. Classes will constitute of exposing students to variety of Fiza’s best loved artists such as The Beatles, Cake, Frank Sinatra, Nirvana, Maroon 5, Sarah McLachlan, Missy Elliot, Radiohead, Franz Ferdinand, Muse. A basic guitar class will be held so as to allow students to have basic knowledge on guitar- playing, an almost essential.
Week 4- Sports.
Again, no readings required. Students will be taught the basic rules and methods of rugby, soccer and any other sports, but no hockey. By the end of this class, students should be fit, able to play several sports, love running and support Liverpool F.C.
Week 5- Aesthetics.
The final but crucial point of class. Students will be taught how to dress up appropriately. Hairstyles will be inspected, with floppy hair coming out tops. Hygiene too, would be paramount. Too short shorts and overt logo tees would be dumped. Any trucker caps would be burned as a sign of solidarity. No Von Dutch allowed in class. Tapered pants would result in an immediate failure for this module.
Upon completing these classes, students would be put through strenuous testing by Fiza herself whereby she will decide who has learnt well and is deserving of an A for this module.
Thank you. For further information with regards to this module, please e- mail module coordinator, Miss Fiza Zali at holycowness@xanga.com. However, be warned that unless you provide valid and entertaining reasons, chances are, she won’t entertain your requests.
---------------------------------------------------------
that said. haha. yesterday accompanied kim to cut his hair. then at wisma atria... i saw him. him who is god. that was still fine. he was with his girlfriend. which, STILL, didn't hurt half as bad. as the fact that...
she was putting a skirt on him. laughing. he laughed. and took a matching top and said, "does this go?"
........ it's what i always do. put skirts on my partner. and chances are, they'll go eh don't la and put the skirt away. they shared what i want. it wasn't him that i want, i didn't want to be in her shoes, i just wanted what they have. at that point the irony of my situation hit home.
few minutes later i was crying. cuz i always thought what i want was OUT OF REACH. non- existent. just a dream. the perfect not sappy yet loving relationship. funny humourous buddy- buddy bond and yet the caring gentle looks. he had it all. she had it all. they had it.
kim was nice about it... considering the LAST time i called him crying he ended up laughing (don't ask.) after a bit of tears, he went,
"ok, i have an idea. you can not take it up if you want, but still, it is just a plan. but, you don't have to do it."
"what's the plan?"
"well you can totally not take the idea k. what about this. i cancel my date, you cancel yours then we can go watch shall we dance later. then you can watch richard gere come up the escalator with a rose in his hand and then the wife says you're supposed to be at the party and he says ya but i need a dance partner and puts our his hand for her."
"*laughs* ok. is there a different plan?"
"umm..."
"ya like, alfie instead? *smiles*"
"haha. ok. got that what law? ah ya jude law. though i don't like him."
"you can watch sienna miller. she's the female lead."
"ya ok i can watch ah whoever, and you can watch jude law."
"thanks."
so we trooped to cineleisure and fiza still occasionally whines about himwhoisgod but let's it go... slowly.
jude law was love. sorry. i mean alfie. haha. hakim is like alfie! haha. told him that. then we realized i am probably the female version of alfie. sus sarandon. haha.
after movie went to esplanade for haagen daaz. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. chocolate solves problems! tips from date doctor! (spin- off Hitch, starring will smith.)
then a bus ride back. fell asleep. haha.
got home... all's good. not that sad. it just caught me off- guard. but at least now i know that what i want is possible. it exists. except maybe not for me. but i'm happy for him and his missus. :)
it's like seeing a gorgeous gown on a hollywood celebrity and admiring it from afar knowing you can never have it. you just admire it and keep it in your head and dust off the image once in a while. then one day you walk down orchard road and you see a girl wear the exact same dress, and the way she wore it it's as if she got it for 10 dollars.
before i forget. thank YOU. for being there. for just. letting me cry. and complain. and mope a bit. :) and of course, thanks always, for the laughs.
Fizalogy 1101E. (Class limited to 15 per semester.)
Week 1- Reading.
A minimal exposure to wide variety of books ranging from poetry, chick lit, self- empowerment, inspirational and classics. Example of authors would be John Donne, Carole Matthews, Mitch Albom, Tracy Cox, Cindy Chupack, and Michael Connelly.
Week 2- Talking.
A comprehensive introduction to Fizaish, her own personal breed of language. Commonly used terms such as jamban, jamban cleaning, shit happens, doink, kapish and more will be elaborated on it’s history and explained in context. Students, on the other hand, shall learn to appreciate Fizaism and possibly enjoy interaction in this form. Also a sneak preview whereby Fiza shall speak at her usual abnormal speed and students will attempt to decipher her blabbering.
Week 3- Music.
Possibly the most enjoyable class. Classes will constitute of exposing students to variety of Fiza’s best loved artists such as The Beatles, Cake, Frank Sinatra, Nirvana, Maroon 5, Sarah McLachlan, Missy Elliot, Radiohead, Franz Ferdinand, Muse. A basic guitar class will be held so as to allow students to have basic knowledge on guitar- playing, an almost essential.
Week 4- Sports.
Again, no readings required. Students will be taught the basic rules and methods of rugby, soccer and any other sports, but no hockey. By the end of this class, students should be fit, able to play several sports, love running and support Liverpool F.C.
Week 5- Aesthetics.
The final but crucial point of class. Students will be taught how to dress up appropriately. Hairstyles will be inspected, with floppy hair coming out tops. Hygiene too, would be paramount. Too short shorts and overt logo tees would be dumped. Any trucker caps would be burned as a sign of solidarity. No Von Dutch allowed in class. Tapered pants would result in an immediate failure for this module.
Upon completing these classes, students would be put through strenuous testing by Fiza herself whereby she will decide who has learnt well and is deserving of an A for this module.
Thank you. For further information with regards to this module, please e- mail module coordinator, Miss Fiza Zali at holycowness@xanga.com. However, be warned that unless you provide valid and entertaining reasons, chances are, she won’t entertain your requests.
---------------------------------------------------------
that said. haha. yesterday accompanied kim to cut his hair. then at wisma atria... i saw him. him who is god. that was still fine. he was with his girlfriend. which, STILL, didn't hurt half as bad. as the fact that...
she was putting a skirt on him. laughing. he laughed. and took a matching top and said, "does this go?"
........ it's what i always do. put skirts on my partner. and chances are, they'll go eh don't la and put the skirt away. they shared what i want. it wasn't him that i want, i didn't want to be in her shoes, i just wanted what they have. at that point the irony of my situation hit home.
few minutes later i was crying. cuz i always thought what i want was OUT OF REACH. non- existent. just a dream. the perfect not sappy yet loving relationship. funny humourous buddy- buddy bond and yet the caring gentle looks. he had it all. she had it all. they had it.
kim was nice about it... considering the LAST time i called him crying he ended up laughing (don't ask.) after a bit of tears, he went,
"ok, i have an idea. you can not take it up if you want, but still, it is just a plan. but, you don't have to do it."
"what's the plan?"
"well you can totally not take the idea k. what about this. i cancel my date, you cancel yours then we can go watch shall we dance later. then you can watch richard gere come up the escalator with a rose in his hand and then the wife says you're supposed to be at the party and he says ya but i need a dance partner and puts our his hand for her."
"*laughs* ok. is there a different plan?"
"umm..."
"ya like, alfie instead? *smiles*"
"haha. ok. got that what law? ah ya jude law. though i don't like him."
"you can watch sienna miller. she's the female lead."
"ya ok i can watch ah whoever, and you can watch jude law."
"thanks."
so we trooped to cineleisure and fiza still occasionally whines about himwhoisgod but let's it go... slowly.
jude law was love. sorry. i mean alfie. haha. hakim is like alfie! haha. told him that. then we realized i am probably the female version of alfie. sus sarandon. haha.
after movie went to esplanade for haagen daaz. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. chocolate solves problems! tips from date doctor! (spin- off Hitch, starring will smith.)
then a bus ride back. fell asleep. haha.
got home... all's good. not that sad. it just caught me off- guard. but at least now i know that what i want is possible. it exists. except maybe not for me. but i'm happy for him and his missus. :)
it's like seeing a gorgeous gown on a hollywood celebrity and admiring it from afar knowing you can never have it. you just admire it and keep it in your head and dust off the image once in a while. then one day you walk down orchard road and you see a girl wear the exact same dress, and the way she wore it it's as if she got it for 10 dollars.
before i forget. thank YOU. for being there. for just. letting me cry. and complain. and mope a bit. :) and of course, thanks always, for the laughs.
Friday, January 28, 2005
i am FINALLY at PGP. yes yes. took my keys and am now in. yeaaaaah.
moving in stuff probably tomorrow and sunday. sleeping over sunday onwards, i would think. it's been too long. i need to familiarise myself again.
lately life has been treating me well. i think i need to thank Him for that. He keeps giving me good things, i keep looking back at the bad things and mope on it's existence.
someone deserves a hug. someone who shall remain unmentioned. :D
hafiz, marah keeeeeeeee. haha. sorry la... really. i really forgot about tutorials this week and geog lecture... well i'll tell you when we meet up. jangan la merajuk... tak handsome la. haha.
hana and banana have been solid pillars. thanks for being there always. i was thinking if i should employ one of them to be my manager. manage my life. so that i will wake up for tutorials, go teach tuition, manage my social life, everything. help me say NO to whatever's necessary. haha.
lately i feel lighter and more serene... and i think it shows. a scene that occured some time this week upon me entering class:
person 1 from left corner of class: eh! you're glowing! had sex ah?
fiza: uh. NO.
person 2 from right corner of class: aiya... never kena fuck, sure pregnant.
fiza: NO!
friend beside her: well?
fiza: what????
friend: well can you bloody tell me what happened to you and stop keeping me in suspense! cuz if it's not sex and you're not pregnant why are you bloody glowing?!
fiza: nothing happened la... *starts laughing*
friend: well then stop glowing cuz ur annoying me!
....... ok lor.
ya. between monday till today which is a FRIDAY, i've got 5 people (all friends, of course) asking me why am i so happy. :D i just am la. i am feeling contented. at peace.
i like deviance lectures. ghana is a funny funny man. hana, i want to crash ur lectures too. it might prove my theory (that indian lecturers are particularly funny) right.
home broadband has issues so night MSN- ing and blogging has ceased temporarily. sorry for any inconvenience caused.
an excerpt from my journal;
"i cannot afford to be hurt at this point. i need to stay single to, at least, keep myself unharmed... i want him but at the same time i want to push him away... at times i feel like all this is beyond my control. and maybe it is... i am so scared to let this grow but at the same time i can't stop... if i like him and he doesn't like me back= HURT. if i like him and he likes me and we end up together; based on his high jerk- potential, i will still end up= HURT. so it's lose- lose. either way i'm bound to get hurt."
with all that, i am glowing? you ask. haha. that's the beauty of fizaism.
i don't like anyone. specifically. i am just being cautious. something about turning 20 and knowing time flies kinda makes you... sit up and think. think- a rare fiza activity.
i just feel such a strong urge to run into his arms and let him protect me from the world when it's probably him i need protection from.
i am about to create a module. will be back. :D
moving in stuff probably tomorrow and sunday. sleeping over sunday onwards, i would think. it's been too long. i need to familiarise myself again.
lately life has been treating me well. i think i need to thank Him for that. He keeps giving me good things, i keep looking back at the bad things and mope on it's existence.
someone deserves a hug. someone who shall remain unmentioned. :D
hafiz, marah keeeeeeeee. haha. sorry la... really. i really forgot about tutorials this week and geog lecture... well i'll tell you when we meet up. jangan la merajuk... tak handsome la. haha.
hana and banana have been solid pillars. thanks for being there always. i was thinking if i should employ one of them to be my manager. manage my life. so that i will wake up for tutorials, go teach tuition, manage my social life, everything. help me say NO to whatever's necessary. haha.
lately i feel lighter and more serene... and i think it shows. a scene that occured some time this week upon me entering class:
person 1 from left corner of class: eh! you're glowing! had sex ah?
fiza: uh. NO.
person 2 from right corner of class: aiya... never kena fuck, sure pregnant.
fiza: NO!
friend beside her: well?
fiza: what????
friend: well can you bloody tell me what happened to you and stop keeping me in suspense! cuz if it's not sex and you're not pregnant why are you bloody glowing?!
fiza: nothing happened la... *starts laughing*
friend: well then stop glowing cuz ur annoying me!
....... ok lor.
ya. between monday till today which is a FRIDAY, i've got 5 people (all friends, of course) asking me why am i so happy. :D i just am la. i am feeling contented. at peace.
i like deviance lectures. ghana is a funny funny man. hana, i want to crash ur lectures too. it might prove my theory (that indian lecturers are particularly funny) right.
home broadband has issues so night MSN- ing and blogging has ceased temporarily. sorry for any inconvenience caused.
an excerpt from my journal;
"i cannot afford to be hurt at this point. i need to stay single to, at least, keep myself unharmed... i want him but at the same time i want to push him away... at times i feel like all this is beyond my control. and maybe it is... i am so scared to let this grow but at the same time i can't stop... if i like him and he doesn't like me back= HURT. if i like him and he likes me and we end up together; based on his high jerk- potential, i will still end up= HURT. so it's lose- lose. either way i'm bound to get hurt."
with all that, i am glowing? you ask. haha. that's the beauty of fizaism.
i don't like anyone. specifically. i am just being cautious. something about turning 20 and knowing time flies kinda makes you... sit up and think. think- a rare fiza activity.
i just feel such a strong urge to run into his arms and let him protect me from the world when it's probably him i need protection from.
i am about to create a module. will be back. :D
Thursday, January 27, 2005
am currently blogging from SIM. i am school- hopping.
no school today. according to me, not my time- table. downward spiral again, i know. sigh.
but it's just this week. kinda out of sorts. plus i could have gone for geog lect but i kept yakking and yakking to hana that... well. i am still here at 3.30 p.m. sigh. life!
it's ok. at least now i will read my lit text. see. silver lining. :D
i wanna buy the shall we dance soundtrack. damn nice can!
k. luvvies to hafiz cuz i didn't meet him at all today. sorry and muacks! :)
no school today. according to me, not my time- table. downward spiral again, i know. sigh.
but it's just this week. kinda out of sorts. plus i could have gone for geog lect but i kept yakking and yakking to hana that... well. i am still here at 3.30 p.m. sigh. life!
it's ok. at least now i will read my lit text. see. silver lining. :D
i wanna buy the shall we dance soundtrack. damn nice can!
k. luvvies to hafiz cuz i didn't meet him at all today. sorry and muacks! :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
male harem. *grin*
you make me feel so wonderful. it's crazy. i want out. i need out. i cannot handle this now. though u do, make me smile so.
you make me feel so wonderful. it's crazy. i want out. i need out. i cannot handle this now. though u do, make me smile so.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
to the boy who has given me the extra skip in my step, the longlost blush, the silly grin as i walk, the wandering thoughts as i smile and the light in my eye,
thank you.
nice long chat with hana yesterday. hmm. 4 days. i'm sure of this. cannot let my conflated organs start giving out vibes through all my open pores.
for the record: not in love, not exclusively dating, nothing. just. happy. :D
after the najibisgod encounter yesterday life went on so smoothly i felt a need to slap myself. i did pretty good during tutorial (again proving the fact that lit is my niche but soci is love, maya; help!). then met hafiz. bought my 2nd lit text. hafiz was driving. kim msged to ask me to have dinner with him. met him at SIM. had pasta. went lot 1. watched shall we dance.
richard gere is gorgeous. haha. and the movie was lovely. well i liked it cuz of all the dancing. i guess it's not much of a storyline to some, but to me there seemed to be a powerful message. well maybe just to me. oh hakim enjoyed the movie too. or should i say enjoyed j- lo's abs? haha. yea. people see her butt this one see her abs. dunno la. haha. he made funny noises. :S
then went home talked to hana. nice, long chat. came to terms with some things. realize how out of touch with my feelings i tend to be. haha. right hana? had many cows over the phone. and i realized that my body is capable of feeling all sorts of funny funny things i never felt before. i called it the ngeow- ngeow.
then today. woke up. forgot that i had tutorial at 10. woke up at 10. haha. but darls' hafiz is gonna tell the prof that i'm on mc. haha. i really thought class was 2- 4. oh well.
oh in the bus. i realized that whenever something goes wrong i tend to wish my father was still around. e.g. if mum scolds me when i do something wrong. for some weird reason, i wished he was around. not like he would defend me, mind you. he would prolly rattle me even more. but somewhere along the lines, i totally lost the plot and eversince, i always think that if he was still around, alot of things would be different. e.g. i won't make mum mad. i won't misbehave as much, so to speak.
but of course things would be different if he was still around. very different.
then i realized i cannot keep thinking like this. each time something goes wrong or i do something wrong i tend to clam up, sit in my room and wish my father was still around. but that doesn't solve anything.
i need closure. i need closure. i need to realize once and for all that when things go wrong, i cannot wish my father was back. it's not going to happen.
i need to realize that he is well and truly gone.
thank you.
nice long chat with hana yesterday. hmm. 4 days. i'm sure of this. cannot let my conflated organs start giving out vibes through all my open pores.
for the record: not in love, not exclusively dating, nothing. just. happy. :D
after the najibisgod encounter yesterday life went on so smoothly i felt a need to slap myself. i did pretty good during tutorial (again proving the fact that lit is my niche but soci is love, maya; help!). then met hafiz. bought my 2nd lit text. hafiz was driving. kim msged to ask me to have dinner with him. met him at SIM. had pasta. went lot 1. watched shall we dance.
richard gere is gorgeous. haha. and the movie was lovely. well i liked it cuz of all the dancing. i guess it's not much of a storyline to some, but to me there seemed to be a powerful message. well maybe just to me. oh hakim enjoyed the movie too. or should i say enjoyed j- lo's abs? haha. yea. people see her butt this one see her abs. dunno la. haha. he made funny noises. :S
then went home talked to hana. nice, long chat. came to terms with some things. realize how out of touch with my feelings i tend to be. haha. right hana? had many cows over the phone. and i realized that my body is capable of feeling all sorts of funny funny things i never felt before. i called it the ngeow- ngeow.
then today. woke up. forgot that i had tutorial at 10. woke up at 10. haha. but darls' hafiz is gonna tell the prof that i'm on mc. haha. i really thought class was 2- 4. oh well.
oh in the bus. i realized that whenever something goes wrong i tend to wish my father was still around. e.g. if mum scolds me when i do something wrong. for some weird reason, i wished he was around. not like he would defend me, mind you. he would prolly rattle me even more. but somewhere along the lines, i totally lost the plot and eversince, i always think that if he was still around, alot of things would be different. e.g. i won't make mum mad. i won't misbehave as much, so to speak.
but of course things would be different if he was still around. very different.
then i realized i cannot keep thinking like this. each time something goes wrong or i do something wrong i tend to clam up, sit in my room and wish my father was still around. but that doesn't solve anything.
i need closure. i need closure. i need to realize once and for all that when things go wrong, i cannot wish my father was back. it's not going to happen.
i need to realize that he is well and truly gone.
Monday, January 24, 2005
NAJIB IS ALIVE I SAW HIM AT ARTS CANTEEN HE DIDN'T DIE NOR ROT NOR WHATEVER ELSE I AM SO ECSTATIC I TOOK OUT MY LAPPIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CANTEEN SO THAT I CAN BLOG THIS OHMYGOD HE GREW OUT HIS HAIR ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT IS SO LONG AND FLOPPY NOW HE IS SO GORGEOUS AND TANNED NOW I LOVE HIM AND I AM SO GIGGLY AND HAPPY AND SILLY AND CRAZY FOR HIM FORGET BAIHAKKI MAN- NAJIB YOU DA MAN!
Sunday, January 23, 2005
today i cleaned my room. collective wow please. thank you.
today i went town with mum. bought body shop tingies. yay.
today i bought my favourite niece a birthday gown for her 1st birthday. she is going to look like a princess!
today i ate SINFUL MOMENT the chocolatiest chocolate cake ever. the place is tuscan @ plaza singapura. try it.
today i realized i only start liking a person when that person start liking me. and i tend to make a reason to like that person who likes me. e.g. oh he likes me? ok well he's not bad. he is sweet nice and kind. what more do i want? BAD.
today i cleared shit with the apek. hope all goes well from now on.
today i looked at new furniture for new house. EXCITED CAN?!
today i went bukit panjang to look at a silat practice cuz kim wanted to join silat.
today i was driven home (and driven mad) by hakim.
today i realized i might have met another guy who has the same effect on me like faizal did. which is NOT good. but this time, my emotions are in check. i know better than to fall for jerks. after i fall for them i tend to do the stupidest things.
today i learnt that life is not always what it is.
today i went town with mum. bought body shop tingies. yay.
today i bought my favourite niece a birthday gown for her 1st birthday. she is going to look like a princess!
today i ate SINFUL MOMENT the chocolatiest chocolate cake ever. the place is tuscan @ plaza singapura. try it.
today i realized i only start liking a person when that person start liking me. and i tend to make a reason to like that person who likes me. e.g. oh he likes me? ok well he's not bad. he is sweet nice and kind. what more do i want? BAD.
today i cleared shit with the apek. hope all goes well from now on.
today i looked at new furniture for new house. EXCITED CAN?!
today i went bukit panjang to look at a silat practice cuz kim wanted to join silat.
today i was driven home (and driven mad) by hakim.
today i realized i might have met another guy who has the same effect on me like faizal did. which is NOT good. but this time, my emotions are in check. i know better than to fall for jerks. after i fall for them i tend to do the stupidest things.
today i learnt that life is not always what it is.
don't really like natasha per se, but this song is so apt.
I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
Cos I'm happy where I am
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
No, no
I don't need to be anyone's baby
Is that so hard to understand
No I don't need another hand to make me
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up, you've either got it
or you don't.
went to watch the tiger cup celebrations thingamajick at ngee ann city plaza. yayness. i feel such reverberating love for soccer all of a sudden. haha.
saw baihakki up close and in person... nah. not father of my children, for sure. haha. hana knows who i want to marry, right hana? ;) wahahahaha.
noh alam shah and hasrin are my favourite lions cuz they're so lame- ass it kills me. haha. and lionel lewis is a very nice humble boy. tengku mushaddad is cute. unfortunately, he is just a reserve player. ridhuan was cuter back in his hong kah track days.
goh tat chuan got hana smitten. hahaha. umm. fandi sang hotel californiiiiiia. rawk beybeh.
they played beatles twist and shout. fiza starts frothing.
indra's daughter started dancing on stage. cuteness. then she lied down. and the 3 adults on stage lied down like her. pfft. haha.
after that was constant cravings for lunch/ dinner. beloness rushed off after that. me and hana went to borders where we encountered the 15% off sale. whee! (this was also where hana muttered, "oh my god my best friend is jumping around in borders.." but the reason for that shall remain undisclosed. haha.)
bought a book. happy happy.
then off to taka where she bought her brother n cousin lord of the RINGS ring. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrubish. hahahaha. crazy la.
then we bought sprite and sat outside taka like anak metro and talked cock. at one point we were commiserating on love and like and she went, "whatever happened to simplicity? why can't a guy like someone just because she's a girl?"
fiza: *sputter* huh! so simple! hey i like you *points at random* ......... SHIT!
OF COURSE THERE HAPPENED TO BE A BOY IN THE DIRECTION OF WHERE I WAS POINTING. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
fiza hides and holds laughter as boy looks on curiously but decided to dismiss her as a drunk girl (sitting with a tudung girl. uhuh.).
basically i wanted to make a point that if it was that simple then it will be more complicated. like i can just point at random men and say i like them. as i have live demo- ed right there.
met kim who was dinner- ing with peejay 1st 3 mths class. didn't know that. wonder if imran was there. heh. just. wondering.
anyhoos. took bus back with him. talked more cock. he cracks me up. sometimes unknowingly. haha. him and his gay tendencies.
hafiz gets upset. at random. i am a bit tired of bearing the brunt. granted, all this hurts him. but i've made my point. i don't want you to wait. because i cannot give you what you want. but you insist on waiting. i insist on not promising anything. we agreed. we're just friends. so why this, now? i am being selfish. yes. someone said i should cave in and just give in. be with hafiz. but what for? should i lie through my teeth and say okay hafiz i want to be in a relationship come let's do this? i know this is driving us both insane. you want your way. i want mine. i tried suggesting solutions. you remain obstinate. you don't get it that you cannot get what you want NOW. i still meet up with you. we still talk and laugh and eat together. i agree on this because you said you understand where i stand. but look who's ranting at me now when i go out with other guys.
i told you i won't stop you from going out with other girls. i mean it. i just don't want to know. see. i told you what i want. now you tell me what you want. you want to know or you don't? cuz whether i go out or not is a given. knowledge is the question now.
you worry incessantly. i am not interested in any guys. none at all. especially not my own good friends. i happen to have alot of male friends. you knew this all along. and now it's down to this: either i lie to you bout where and whom i'm with so as to not get you mad (though you shouldn't ask anyway cuz i can go do whatever i want now) or i tell you the truth and you get mad at me and i get tired of you. slowly but surely.
you decide.
I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
Cos I'm happy where I am
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
No, no
I don't need to be anyone's baby
Is that so hard to understand
No I don't need another hand to make me
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up, you've either got it
or you don't.
went to watch the tiger cup celebrations thingamajick at ngee ann city plaza. yayness. i feel such reverberating love for soccer all of a sudden. haha.
saw baihakki up close and in person... nah. not father of my children, for sure. haha. hana knows who i want to marry, right hana? ;) wahahahaha.
noh alam shah and hasrin are my favourite lions cuz they're so lame- ass it kills me. haha. and lionel lewis is a very nice humble boy. tengku mushaddad is cute. unfortunately, he is just a reserve player. ridhuan was cuter back in his hong kah track days.
goh tat chuan got hana smitten. hahaha. umm. fandi sang hotel californiiiiiia. rawk beybeh.
they played beatles twist and shout. fiza starts frothing.
indra's daughter started dancing on stage. cuteness. then she lied down. and the 3 adults on stage lied down like her. pfft. haha.
after that was constant cravings for lunch/ dinner. beloness rushed off after that. me and hana went to borders where we encountered the 15% off sale. whee! (this was also where hana muttered, "oh my god my best friend is jumping around in borders.." but the reason for that shall remain undisclosed. haha.)
bought a book. happy happy.
then off to taka where she bought her brother n cousin lord of the RINGS ring. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrubish. hahahaha. crazy la.
then we bought sprite and sat outside taka like anak metro and talked cock. at one point we were commiserating on love and like and she went, "whatever happened to simplicity? why can't a guy like someone just because she's a girl?"
fiza: *sputter* huh! so simple! hey i like you *points at random* ......... SHIT!
OF COURSE THERE HAPPENED TO BE A BOY IN THE DIRECTION OF WHERE I WAS POINTING. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
fiza hides and holds laughter as boy looks on curiously but decided to dismiss her as a drunk girl (sitting with a tudung girl. uhuh.).
basically i wanted to make a point that if it was that simple then it will be more complicated. like i can just point at random men and say i like them. as i have live demo- ed right there.
met kim who was dinner- ing with peejay 1st 3 mths class. didn't know that. wonder if imran was there. heh. just. wondering.
anyhoos. took bus back with him. talked more cock. he cracks me up. sometimes unknowingly. haha. him and his gay tendencies.
hafiz gets upset. at random. i am a bit tired of bearing the brunt. granted, all this hurts him. but i've made my point. i don't want you to wait. because i cannot give you what you want. but you insist on waiting. i insist on not promising anything. we agreed. we're just friends. so why this, now? i am being selfish. yes. someone said i should cave in and just give in. be with hafiz. but what for? should i lie through my teeth and say okay hafiz i want to be in a relationship come let's do this? i know this is driving us both insane. you want your way. i want mine. i tried suggesting solutions. you remain obstinate. you don't get it that you cannot get what you want NOW. i still meet up with you. we still talk and laugh and eat together. i agree on this because you said you understand where i stand. but look who's ranting at me now when i go out with other guys.
i told you i won't stop you from going out with other girls. i mean it. i just don't want to know. see. i told you what i want. now you tell me what you want. you want to know or you don't? cuz whether i go out or not is a given. knowledge is the question now.
you worry incessantly. i am not interested in any guys. none at all. especially not my own good friends. i happen to have alot of male friends. you knew this all along. and now it's down to this: either i lie to you bout where and whom i'm with so as to not get you mad (though you shouldn't ask anyway cuz i can go do whatever i want now) or i tell you the truth and you get mad at me and i get tired of you. slowly but surely.
you decide.
"Sexual sorbet cleanses the palate and prepares you for the next course. After all, you don't want your ex to be the last person you slept with. You need to put some distance between the two of you, and five to seven inches ought to do it."- Cindy Chupack; The Between Boyfriends Book.
five to seven inches. haha. i need an entire continent.
five to seven inches. haha. i need an entire continent.
Friday, January 21, 2005
according to a love oracle, this is the state of my future lovelife. or potential lovelife. whatever.
Your feisty imagination indicates a playful nature as well as some good news. The nymph symbolizes dreams of love come true! Even if what you've been playing over and over again in your head seems a little far-fetched, expect a little bit of it to be realized. With her magical nature, the nymph can work wonders for your love life. If you imagined yourself as the mythical woodland fairy, then you're the type of girl who likes to keep guys guessing. Soon you'll be using your sly charm and flirtatious ways to get a change of heart out of a guy who hasn't been all that great to you. Try to be honest, though, and don't rack up a reputation as a girl to avoid because she's a chronic heart-breaker. Have a little fun, but try and actually like a guy for change, too.
"get a change of heart out of a guy who hasn't been all that great to you."
ho ho ho. considering the amount of jackasses in my life, this one's a toughie.
Your feisty imagination indicates a playful nature as well as some good news. The nymph symbolizes dreams of love come true! Even if what you've been playing over and over again in your head seems a little far-fetched, expect a little bit of it to be realized. With her magical nature, the nymph can work wonders for your love life. If you imagined yourself as the mythical woodland fairy, then you're the type of girl who likes to keep guys guessing. Soon you'll be using your sly charm and flirtatious ways to get a change of heart out of a guy who hasn't been all that great to you. Try to be honest, though, and don't rack up a reputation as a girl to avoid because she's a chronic heart-breaker. Have a little fun, but try and actually like a guy for change, too.
"get a change of heart out of a guy who hasn't been all that great to you."
ho ho ho. considering the amount of jackasses in my life, this one's a toughie.
what's with girls and stars?
don't ask me. i don't know. what's with guys and pick- up lines?
is there a parallel universe? are there humans on other parts of the world?
age comes with responsibility.
who came up with the concept of zodiac signs and horoscopes?
just a few thoughts that came up while me and kim chatted away.
talked about life. and LIFE. yea. macro and micro. felt good. let out something that had been bugging me for sometime.
thanks for listening. :)
i had a great time. the best plans are always unplanned.
we just sat (and lied down on our bellies and backs at some points too) and talked. listened. and talked.
happy days. :)
lut's gig was good too. i like their new songs better. saw erwin, sarah, hadi, nab... usual suspects.
selamat hari raya aidiladha!
don't ask me. i don't know. what's with guys and pick- up lines?
is there a parallel universe? are there humans on other parts of the world?
age comes with responsibility.
who came up with the concept of zodiac signs and horoscopes?
just a few thoughts that came up while me and kim chatted away.
talked about life. and LIFE. yea. macro and micro. felt good. let out something that had been bugging me for sometime.
thanks for listening. :)
i had a great time. the best plans are always unplanned.
we just sat (and lied down on our bellies and backs at some points too) and talked. listened. and talked.
happy days. :)
lut's gig was good too. i like their new songs better. saw erwin, sarah, hadi, nab... usual suspects.
selamat hari raya aidiladha!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
snippets
(at Breeks)
me: aiya 5 only... little what. competition is good.
you: i don't like competition! *does incredible hulk growing gesture*
me: let's make it like survivor. i eliminate lousy competitors!
you: *rolls eyes*
me: ok, you're eliminated.
you: HAH CANNOT I'M THE PRODUCER!
me: NO! you're competing! and i say you're eliminated!
you: well i'm the producer and i say you're fired!
me: you're eliminated!
you: you're fired!
(this goes on for quite some time...)
(upon entering bus)
me: eh. *stops and turns*
you: *looks at me, bewildered* what?
me: is this a tour coach?
you: huh?!
bus- driver: huh what? haha no no. this one go harbourfront.
me: oh ok.
(upon sitting)
you: why you ask that?
me: cuz i entered the bus and everyone looked the same. so i thought it was a tour group.
you: hahaha. then you go and stop. and everyone behind me also looked blur. haha.
me: haha. how i know.
(upon alighting)
me: *pointing at a group of sikhs alighting* that's why i thought tour group...
(at hawker centre)
me: i think when i have kids, i will only expose them to simple food. everyday eat rice. then i rotate between fried eggs, fried fish, fried chicken and fried beef.
you: aiyo what is this. then you can eat all the good food then they cannot.
me: no la it's good what. healthy. iron, carbs... oh, and i'll make a salad everyday. and teach them how to eat ulams like petai. see. vege section covered.
you: you're crazy. so mean don't let your kids eat good food.
me: ok la weekends i'll bake. or bring them to jb. and only let them eat ikan bakar! or else they eat all this fancy food they ask me to cook at home i don't know how to.
you: eh then everyday eat the same thing? that's a dastardly thing to do! (yes i'm serious he said dastardly)
me: no i also suffer with them what. anyway if they want fancy smancy dishes can go their granma's house. haha.
you: horrible.
(proceed to eat our fancy smancy food.)
me: oh. and they can only wear nike, adidas and topshop.
you: huh?
me: ya. no chaos, no 77th street. wait become mat and minah or some streetwear kid.
you: you very extreme la.
me: and they can only wear levi's jeans.
you: WAH! so pampered!
me: ya la. cuz they don't get to eat chicken rice.
me: they cannot play hockey. haha.
you: fine.
me: i'll teach them how to play rugby. and soccer.
you: wah so fierce.
me: ya. and once they turn 4 i bring them to the gym already.
you: siao ah! so small go gym! the weights are heavier than them! slave- driver la you!
me: no la! ok what. imagine my 4 cute four- year old kids running on the treadmill. so cute.
you: ya then they fall down how?
me: i'll laugh.
you: ya la! you always laugh when things go wrong!
me: of course la then do what? laugh la. see. such a positive outlook towards life.
you: ya la fix the thing first then laugh la.
me: alah if all 4 fall already what else can happen. laugh la.
(he finally gives up...)
me: oh she slept with someone before?
you: ya... someone told me la...
me: oh ok. wow. eh try and imagine your ex in bed with someone else la.
you: NO LA! siao ah!
me: alah please ah...
you: *looks at me weirdly* eeei that sounds wrong man. you sound like a pervert. why are we having this conversation?
you: eh just now i agu or indra?
friend: you're agu la... cuz you keep missing what.
you: oh... no just now starting i lionel lewis, then goh tat chuan, then you indra, then i agu, then i miss.
friend: aaaaah ya correct.
you: eh but lionel lewis ah sometimes play like want to take the ball don't want want to take don't want.
me: hah? you talking about who? the real lionel lewis or the you lionel lewis?
you: ...... kassim selamat.
friend: allah kassim...
ok. i have stupid conversations. daily. today more than the usual. hahaha.
(at Breeks)
me: aiya 5 only... little what. competition is good.
you: i don't like competition! *does incredible hulk growing gesture*
me: let's make it like survivor. i eliminate lousy competitors!
you: *rolls eyes*
me: ok, you're eliminated.
you: HAH CANNOT I'M THE PRODUCER!
me: NO! you're competing! and i say you're eliminated!
you: well i'm the producer and i say you're fired!
me: you're eliminated!
you: you're fired!
(this goes on for quite some time...)
(upon entering bus)
me: eh. *stops and turns*
you: *looks at me, bewildered* what?
me: is this a tour coach?
you: huh?!
bus- driver: huh what? haha no no. this one go harbourfront.
me: oh ok.
(upon sitting)
you: why you ask that?
me: cuz i entered the bus and everyone looked the same. so i thought it was a tour group.
you: hahaha. then you go and stop. and everyone behind me also looked blur. haha.
me: haha. how i know.
(upon alighting)
me: *pointing at a group of sikhs alighting* that's why i thought tour group...
(at hawker centre)
me: i think when i have kids, i will only expose them to simple food. everyday eat rice. then i rotate between fried eggs, fried fish, fried chicken and fried beef.
you: aiyo what is this. then you can eat all the good food then they cannot.
me: no la it's good what. healthy. iron, carbs... oh, and i'll make a salad everyday. and teach them how to eat ulams like petai. see. vege section covered.
you: you're crazy. so mean don't let your kids eat good food.
me: ok la weekends i'll bake. or bring them to jb. and only let them eat ikan bakar! or else they eat all this fancy food they ask me to cook at home i don't know how to.
you: eh then everyday eat the same thing? that's a dastardly thing to do! (yes i'm serious he said dastardly)
me: no i also suffer with them what. anyway if they want fancy smancy dishes can go their granma's house. haha.
you: horrible.
(proceed to eat our fancy smancy food.)
me: oh. and they can only wear nike, adidas and topshop.
you: huh?
me: ya. no chaos, no 77th street. wait become mat and minah or some streetwear kid.
you: you very extreme la.
me: and they can only wear levi's jeans.
you: WAH! so pampered!
me: ya la. cuz they don't get to eat chicken rice.
me: they cannot play hockey. haha.
you: fine.
me: i'll teach them how to play rugby. and soccer.
you: wah so fierce.
me: ya. and once they turn 4 i bring them to the gym already.
you: siao ah! so small go gym! the weights are heavier than them! slave- driver la you!
me: no la! ok what. imagine my 4 cute four- year old kids running on the treadmill. so cute.
you: ya then they fall down how?
me: i'll laugh.
you: ya la! you always laugh when things go wrong!
me: of course la then do what? laugh la. see. such a positive outlook towards life.
you: ya la fix the thing first then laugh la.
me: alah if all 4 fall already what else can happen. laugh la.
(he finally gives up...)
me: oh she slept with someone before?
you: ya... someone told me la...
me: oh ok. wow. eh try and imagine your ex in bed with someone else la.
you: NO LA! siao ah!
me: alah please ah...
you: *looks at me weirdly* eeei that sounds wrong man. you sound like a pervert. why are we having this conversation?
you: eh just now i agu or indra?
friend: you're agu la... cuz you keep missing what.
you: oh... no just now starting i lionel lewis, then goh tat chuan, then you indra, then i agu, then i miss.
friend: aaaaah ya correct.
you: eh but lionel lewis ah sometimes play like want to take the ball don't want want to take don't want.
me: hah? you talking about who? the real lionel lewis or the you lionel lewis?
you: ...... kassim selamat.
friend: allah kassim...
ok. i have stupid conversations. daily. today more than the usual. hahaha.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Mod. Yeah baby.
What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
A Fred and Angelina romance. You have a romance
based on love at first sight. You want a
partner that is attractive to the eye and also
has a stunning personality. This person must be
able to have a good conversation with you and
has a sense of humor. Love at first sight is
rare and comes with some complications but when
it does come around it is a beautiful way to
love.
What type of romance should you have? (results based on couples from my quizzes)
brought to you by Quizilla
....... told ya.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
talked about what is history in today's class...
then i realized that i don't remember much of my primary school days.
must have been really simple and easy.
routinous, i would think. daily travels, weekly trips over the causeway... simple.
i don't remember much of primary school itself. my days in there. i remember the school dentist. i remember being class monitress. i remember two braids down the side of my head.
i remember running to my best friend's home in the rain gleefully, then our look of horror when lightning striked.
i remember someone asking me for directions to somewhere, and i twisted my arms and pointed in 2 different directions and i made so many people laugh.
at that moment i thought, "wow, i'm funny."
first 12 years of my life was a blur. happy, colourful blur.
then 1998 came. started with dad leaving, me entering secondary school, stereotyping, ccas, new people.
1998- 2005. long. feels long.
1998- 1999. i was known as fierce. hot -tempered. impatient. short hair girl. long jumper.
2000- 2001. long hair. laughs alot. smiles easily. funny at times. sarcastic. 'smartest' girl in class. hurdler.
2002- 2003. tied up hair. dyed hair. short skirt. baggy pants. contact lenses. limited edition adidas sneakers. 'cool' friends. rugger. imran's ex. hafiz' girlfriend. class manager. crazy girl. laughs too much, too loud. joker of any group. not ladylike. a level mugger.
2004- now. results. long curly wurly hair. puma sneakers. converse sneakers. plain topshop tees. mini- skirts. tanning. beach bum. paints town red weekly. dressed up for school. pgp resident. new friends. new experiences. rag. usc elections. yep to thailand. usc musical*. singlehood. laughs easily. funny and highly entertaining. comic timing.
i became FUNNIER! hahahaha. as days go by i become funnier and drier. yay.
it's my safe role. someone from school read my blog... she says, "eh why you in school always look the same? your blog always have such high- strung and varied emotions. but of course, they're always funny la... haha."
being funny is the only thing i know how to do. laughing and smiling are my safest options. when all else fails, these two habits save me. keeps me sane. keeps me within my "framework".
i like me. this me. of all the "versions" of fiza that evolved over the years, my favourite has to be the current. i'm at my happiest and most tumultous period of my life. i'm turning twenty. i keep meeting new people, learning new things.
*i am in the usc musical. and dizzie + hana; i didn't get the lead because i am not FRAIL and VULNERABLE enough. haha. i see their point. though i almost got through cuz the role is for a pint- sized person. NYEH. but anyway. i am in. i am singing. wahahaha.
ok la. meeting dizzie now. deviance lect soon. blogging thru wireless is SO cool. hahaha. bimbo line but like, whatever yeah.
then i realized that i don't remember much of my primary school days.
must have been really simple and easy.
routinous, i would think. daily travels, weekly trips over the causeway... simple.
i don't remember much of primary school itself. my days in there. i remember the school dentist. i remember being class monitress. i remember two braids down the side of my head.
i remember running to my best friend's home in the rain gleefully, then our look of horror when lightning striked.
i remember someone asking me for directions to somewhere, and i twisted my arms and pointed in 2 different directions and i made so many people laugh.
at that moment i thought, "wow, i'm funny."
first 12 years of my life was a blur. happy, colourful blur.
then 1998 came. started with dad leaving, me entering secondary school, stereotyping, ccas, new people.
1998- 2005. long. feels long.
1998- 1999. i was known as fierce. hot -tempered. impatient. short hair girl. long jumper.
2000- 2001. long hair. laughs alot. smiles easily. funny at times. sarcastic. 'smartest' girl in class. hurdler.
2002- 2003. tied up hair. dyed hair. short skirt. baggy pants. contact lenses. limited edition adidas sneakers. 'cool' friends. rugger. imran's ex. hafiz' girlfriend. class manager. crazy girl. laughs too much, too loud. joker of any group. not ladylike. a level mugger.
2004- now. results. long curly wurly hair. puma sneakers. converse sneakers. plain topshop tees. mini- skirts. tanning. beach bum. paints town red weekly. dressed up for school. pgp resident. new friends. new experiences. rag. usc elections. yep to thailand. usc musical*. singlehood. laughs easily. funny and highly entertaining. comic timing.
i became FUNNIER! hahahaha. as days go by i become funnier and drier. yay.
it's my safe role. someone from school read my blog... she says, "eh why you in school always look the same? your blog always have such high- strung and varied emotions. but of course, they're always funny la... haha."
being funny is the only thing i know how to do. laughing and smiling are my safest options. when all else fails, these two habits save me. keeps me sane. keeps me within my "framework".
i like me. this me. of all the "versions" of fiza that evolved over the years, my favourite has to be the current. i'm at my happiest and most tumultous period of my life. i'm turning twenty. i keep meeting new people, learning new things.
*i am in the usc musical. and dizzie + hana; i didn't get the lead because i am not FRAIL and VULNERABLE enough. haha. i see their point. though i almost got through cuz the role is for a pint- sized person. NYEH. but anyway. i am in. i am singing. wahahaha.
ok la. meeting dizzie now. deviance lect soon. blogging thru wireless is SO cool. hahaha. bimbo line but like, whatever yeah.
Monday, January 17, 2005
can anyone even begin to understand? that i DON'T WANT a relationship? with anyone?
no. i don't NEED a guy in my life. i don't feel a pang; like i used to before, when i see couples. sometimes i laugh. don't ask.
i don't envy people who are in a relationship. i wouldn't want to be in their shoes. cuz i'm not them. i can't do relationships.
very suddenly my emotions have come to a sputtering halt. and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.
there was a couple in the group. watching the match. and they are happy... he is all loving and attentive without being sickening.
but even that didn't make me feel a thing. no "oh how i wish i had that." cuz i don't. i don't want a guy to worship the ground i walk on. to love me. devote his life to me. i don't want all that.
a normal, healthy relationship. do i want that? maybe. in future. but not now. but is there anything such as a normal relationship? i doubt it.
i want singlehood. simplicity. i don't want to think in twos. i don't want to love anyone. i don't to have anyone's love. it's all pressure and obligations and unnecessary. for years i grew up not even knowing what a boyfriend was. and i was fine. and i doubt now i am anymore enlightened with regards to what a boyfriend is.
don't point out a "happy" couple to me and go, "see, you can have that. hold hands, smile at each other lovingly, gaze into the deep pools of yadayadayada..." why not look at me and go, "see, i can have this. happiness without depending on a boyfriend."
i have nothing against love, relationships and couple. hell, if it makes you happy all the more.
but i'm not about to jump on the bandwagon. and i am going to shoot the next person who tells me i'll be so much happier if i was attached to "a nice, good guy". *smirk*
ya right. you find me one then we talk. and even then, don't hold your breath.
no. i don't NEED a guy in my life. i don't feel a pang; like i used to before, when i see couples. sometimes i laugh. don't ask.
i don't envy people who are in a relationship. i wouldn't want to be in their shoes. cuz i'm not them. i can't do relationships.
very suddenly my emotions have come to a sputtering halt. and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.
there was a couple in the group. watching the match. and they are happy... he is all loving and attentive without being sickening.
but even that didn't make me feel a thing. no "oh how i wish i had that." cuz i don't. i don't want a guy to worship the ground i walk on. to love me. devote his life to me. i don't want all that.
a normal, healthy relationship. do i want that? maybe. in future. but not now. but is there anything such as a normal relationship? i doubt it.
i want singlehood. simplicity. i don't want to think in twos. i don't want to love anyone. i don't to have anyone's love. it's all pressure and obligations and unnecessary. for years i grew up not even knowing what a boyfriend was. and i was fine. and i doubt now i am anymore enlightened with regards to what a boyfriend is.
don't point out a "happy" couple to me and go, "see, you can have that. hold hands, smile at each other lovingly, gaze into the deep pools of yadayadayada..." why not look at me and go, "see, i can have this. happiness without depending on a boyfriend."
i have nothing against love, relationships and couple. hell, if it makes you happy all the more.
but i'm not about to jump on the bandwagon. and i am going to shoot the next person who tells me i'll be so much happier if i was attached to "a nice, good guy". *smirk*
ya right. you find me one then we talk. and even then, don't hold your breath.
the tiger cup.
is.
OURS.
oh the joy.
went with hana and farhan- we split.
and hafiz and yat and syahmi- also split.
with hyaidi, yana, farid, fad, fad, fad, diana, azahari, etc etc- throughout the game.
it was beautiful. i loved every tense moment. i bit my nails! after indon scored. haa. so lame.
but people threw things. i got hit by peanuts. hahaha. sounds dumb i know.
there were the indians with their drums and works.
noise noise joy drumrolls kallang wave.
roar.
made new friends... talked alot... smiled even more. oh so happy.
2- 1. it's final. fluke? luck? whatever. WE WON.
is.
OURS.
oh the joy.
went with hana and farhan- we split.
and hafiz and yat and syahmi- also split.
with hyaidi, yana, farid, fad, fad, fad, diana, azahari, etc etc- throughout the game.
it was beautiful. i loved every tense moment. i bit my nails! after indon scored. haa. so lame.
but people threw things. i got hit by peanuts. hahaha. sounds dumb i know.
there were the indians with their drums and works.
noise noise joy drumrolls kallang wave.
roar.
made new friends... talked alot... smiled even more. oh so happy.
2- 1. it's final. fluke? luck? whatever. WE WON.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
sigh. maybe i was too rash. i hate PMS. but...
i CANNOT take back my words now. i cannot put my arms around you and say sorry and let's forget it.
what's said and done is there in black and white. and to just open the floodgates again will defeat the whole purpose. i cannot keep two- stepping back and forth.
a decision had to be made. sorry it had to be that. sorry it had to be me.
i CANNOT take back my words now. i cannot put my arms around you and say sorry and let's forget it.
what's said and done is there in black and white. and to just open the floodgates again will defeat the whole purpose. i cannot keep two- stepping back and forth.
a decision had to be made. sorry it had to be that. sorry it had to be me.
"where you are, seems to me, as far as an eternity, outstretched arms, open wide, if it never ends then when do we start? i'll never leave you behind, or treat you unkind, i know you understand... and with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye, that i ever did receive."- sweetest goodbye, maroon 5.
i know what i say. or said. so many times. over and over again till it pissed you off but still i insisted.
i guess i didn't know what i really meant. it's implications.
i hope you read this.
cuz as much as i want you to let go and i am letting go, i realized...
that from where we came from, the only way to truly let go is... to do what it means.
LET GO.
don't see each other don't sms don't try to keep track don't anything.
cuz what we can find out might hurt. we wouldn't like what we see.
i don't think i will. i can sense it already. as much as i don't want you and i can't have you, i know it'll hurt like crazy to have someone have you. or like you. or you liking back.
so this is IT.
i have to stop being greedy. to stop giving you false hopes. yes. cuz though i remain single, it doesn't mean a thing. i have to stop pushing you away and wanting you at the same time. it's not mind games i'm playing it's just fiza. and it's time i stop us both from going crazy from this endless see- saw ride.
i don't want to keep looking back and wondering. i don't want to keep explaining to people. i don't want to keep fighting with you cuz of stupid bf/ gf- ish things. cuz we're not that.
and the sooner we realize that, the better. i want you to be free. i want you to fall in love again. with someone right. approvable. basically someone not me.
BUT as much as i want that for you, i don't want to watch that process. i doubt you'd want to watch mine.
so we go our separate ways. but invite me to the wedding, and your always welcome to mine.
if anything, i'm proud to have made you a beatles fan. sorry to have brought out the ugly side of you. i'm sorry for my bitter jealous moments that i'll openly admit, still lives on till now. i'm just better at keeping it to myself now. cuz i know where i stand. this is supposed to be a last and final goodbye. i guess i should reminisce or something. but there's no point in that. i have archives there on the left. click anything in between 2003- 2004 and you're in it. you are so many things that i wish we could just be. but we can't. too many things have changed. i am no longer the person you first fell in love with. i may love u and your changes, but you can't love mine. i know you want to say you can, but you can't. let's seal this. end it on a (relatively) high note. maybe only now can we truly be free. this goodbye shit. i wish i could make it more. just. more. but i can't. tonight, i'm not good with words.
goodbye. you were always a special one.
i know what i say. or said. so many times. over and over again till it pissed you off but still i insisted.
i guess i didn't know what i really meant. it's implications.
i hope you read this.
cuz as much as i want you to let go and i am letting go, i realized...
that from where we came from, the only way to truly let go is... to do what it means.
LET GO.
don't see each other don't sms don't try to keep track don't anything.
cuz what we can find out might hurt. we wouldn't like what we see.
i don't think i will. i can sense it already. as much as i don't want you and i can't have you, i know it'll hurt like crazy to have someone have you. or like you. or you liking back.
so this is IT.
i have to stop being greedy. to stop giving you false hopes. yes. cuz though i remain single, it doesn't mean a thing. i have to stop pushing you away and wanting you at the same time. it's not mind games i'm playing it's just fiza. and it's time i stop us both from going crazy from this endless see- saw ride.
i don't want to keep looking back and wondering. i don't want to keep explaining to people. i don't want to keep fighting with you cuz of stupid bf/ gf- ish things. cuz we're not that.
and the sooner we realize that, the better. i want you to be free. i want you to fall in love again. with someone right. approvable. basically someone not me.
BUT as much as i want that for you, i don't want to watch that process. i doubt you'd want to watch mine.
so we go our separate ways. but invite me to the wedding, and your always welcome to mine.
if anything, i'm proud to have made you a beatles fan. sorry to have brought out the ugly side of you. i'm sorry for my bitter jealous moments that i'll openly admit, still lives on till now. i'm just better at keeping it to myself now. cuz i know where i stand. this is supposed to be a last and final goodbye. i guess i should reminisce or something. but there's no point in that. i have archives there on the left. click anything in between 2003- 2004 and you're in it. you are so many things that i wish we could just be. but we can't. too many things have changed. i am no longer the person you first fell in love with. i may love u and your changes, but you can't love mine. i know you want to say you can, but you can't. let's seal this. end it on a (relatively) high note. maybe only now can we truly be free. this goodbye shit. i wish i could make it more. just. more. but i can't. tonight, i'm not good with words.
goodbye. you were always a special one.
i. am. now. the. owner. of. an. iBook. i. am. happy. :)
but hor, the blogger functions seems reduced. why apple why? hmm. will figure this out. if i can figure out my need for an optical mouse and a multi- port, i can figure this IT bit out too.
and whooooooooo hooooooooooooooo SOCCER TMR! PLEASE.PLEASE.LETMESEESINGAPOREWINTHETIGERCUP.
i think my late dad is up there grinning away, proud that though he didn't get a son, at least his daughter shares his love. ;) i know my dad would love to see em' win tomorrow. my dad. hah! he brought me to my first malaysian cup game and scared me silly with his shouting. haha. yea. cuz he was never the shouting kind... so to see him shout, "oi kelong ah!" and "duduk duduk duduk duduk" was quite a shock... :)
tomorrow awaits. i bought a red topshop top specially for tomorrow ok! and i know, i will CRY. win or lose. ya. i just cried cuz liverpool lost to man u today. or yesterday. same la. :( it's ok. they'll still never walk alone. NYEH u man u fans!
excuse the crappy random words. i'm like. SOOOO HIGH. yeah like, TOTALLY. laptoplaptop wheeee.
*does crazy raindance around iBook*
but hor, the blogger functions seems reduced. why apple why? hmm. will figure this out. if i can figure out my need for an optical mouse and a multi- port, i can figure this IT bit out too.
and whooooooooo hooooooooooooooo SOCCER TMR! PLEASE.PLEASE.LETMESEESINGAPOREWINTHETIGERCUP.
i think my late dad is up there grinning away, proud that though he didn't get a son, at least his daughter shares his love. ;) i know my dad would love to see em' win tomorrow. my dad. hah! he brought me to my first malaysian cup game and scared me silly with his shouting. haha. yea. cuz he was never the shouting kind... so to see him shout, "oi kelong ah!" and "duduk duduk duduk duduk" was quite a shock... :)
tomorrow awaits. i bought a red topshop top specially for tomorrow ok! and i know, i will CRY. win or lose. ya. i just cried cuz liverpool lost to man u today. or yesterday. same la. :( it's ok. they'll still never walk alone. NYEH u man u fans!
excuse the crappy random words. i'm like. SOOOO HIGH. yeah like, TOTALLY. laptoplaptop wheeee.
*does crazy raindance around iBook*
Friday, January 14, 2005
haha. i knew it. the moment i mention about BITCHING someone will definitely tag my blog. i just wonder when they'll get tired. or maybe it's actually a bigger community than i think and they're all taking turns. hmm...
like xiaxue right?! haha. then i can put a banner at the side of my blog that goes, "We hate Fiza!"
thanks to the solid support from endless circle of friends, i will never feel the need to find out who is doing this bitching. i'll just wait for some of my friends to graduate then i'll use their services. to sue. for defamation. :) and no one can sue me for that cuz hey, go through the archives, i may bitch but i don't do names. and like they always say, whoever eats the chilli, they feel the heat. excuse the poor translation ya. haha.
i wonder which part of the previous entry actually mentioned how sorry i felt for myself. i rarely feel sorry for myself cuz realistically speaking, i've got more going on for me now than i have in years. but that said, i still have problems. who doesn't? but i'm glad i have friends i can call at wee hours and know that they will listen. you know who you are sweetums. thanks. :)
hmm. and silly blog? that's quite relative isn't it? what defines silly? according to dictionary.com silly means;
1. exhibiting lack of wisdom or good sense; foolish. lack of wisdom? well i won't call myself a genius but i at least i dOn'T tYpE lIkE tHiS or lyk dis koz 2 mi dis is lyk so much mooooore silly... ya... owaes u noe all dis blogs... tok lyk dis... display lack of wisdom right?
2. Lacking seriousness or responsibleness; frivolous. what is not serious about me? i am always serious. DEADER THAN A DOORKNOB SERIOUS. serious as a heart attack. frivolous? well i don't see anything wrong in being frivolous. frivolous people tend to be quite happy. and if i am irresponsible about this blog, well trust me, if this blog needed breast- feeding or multi- vitamins supplement, i'll give it. SO RESPONSIBLE RIGHT?!
3. Semiconscious; dazed. ...... aiya. this one. haha. i don't know what to say. could be true la. cuz i'm usually stoned when i blog hence the random tidbits. but i've got several positive responses from people who read my blog and they like my random ramblings. they say i'm FUNNY! so if writing in a semiconscious state annoys anyone (though it is beyond me how you could possibly find this out), then i am so sorry. but no one is begging you to continue reading this. you can stop here and go google your own name or blog- hop or whatever. right?
so the fact that you're still here and reading my blog goes to show that as silly as this is, well, it's still addictive.
so if you really hate me, don't read my blog. simple.
sorry that i had to dedicate a whole blog entry to reply to a nameless person who is too chickenshit to leave a link or any possible avenue for me to reply to his/ her comments. cuz i see it as constructive. so constructive i looked up "silly" so that if it had negative undertones i can try and improve my blog.
but clearly, the issue here is not with my blog or even my entries. it's with me. and like i discussed with dizzie yesterday, people are trying to figure out my threshold. push every buttons just to see which will make me explode.
and they have missed the point. that fiza doesn't explode. cuz she's either too stoned/ blur/ bo chup, or she sees it pointless to explode at the thin air. why thin air? well because i don't know who these button- pushers are, do i?
the humankind (cuz dr steph says mankind is a gender biased definition. haha.) is a dynamic and fascinating species. maybe i can do an ethnographic study based on blog- wars and tag- bitching.
or maybe not. cuz i think the beauty of the world wide web is, anything can happen. anyone can be anything. information can be attained at a click, deleted from human knowledge, at a click too. technology has both impeded and benefitted us. like they said in the movie, The God Must Be Crazy, man have decided to adapt the environment to themselves. the seek increasing improvement, which leads to increased complication. so everyday, we have to adapt and re- adapt. and our days become chopped into little pieces because although we gain control over most things, double- edged sword that life is; we ourselves become controlled, by time. or the lack of it.
ok i am a bit too enthusiastic about my class. haha. i am taking this usp module, unravelling the riddles of culture: thinking like an anthropologist. and here i say to maya: you should have so come to usp! haha. cuz i got a lousy cap but i'm still in usp. so it's not about mugging at all! we just get more fun modules. i just know you would have enjoyed this one. it's the kind of thing eddie koh would advice us to do. ;)
the deviance lecturer is funny... haha. in more ways than one. and maya (again), uk shyam cease to be cute cuz he laughs in a VERY weird way. i'm serious. ask farihana n aleen. i think they should have noticed too. one sole person guffawing 5 seconds after others cease laughter. nyeh.
ok this is a long entry. largely due to the reply to my anonymous critic on the tag- board. i know some of you will tell me later i should have just ignored them, cuz now i'm biting the bait. but i'm not. cuz i'm not upset. or angry. this has not affected my life. hahaha. duh. but i've just decided that i'm no longer gonna take these fiza- haters lying down. well at least i'll try. if i got enough time like now (waiting for fauzul my guarantor to finish prayers so that we can go mpsh2 to buy my laptop! whee!).
laptop awaits. yay!
like xiaxue right?! haha. then i can put a banner at the side of my blog that goes, "We hate Fiza!"
thanks to the solid support from endless circle of friends, i will never feel the need to find out who is doing this bitching. i'll just wait for some of my friends to graduate then i'll use their services. to sue. for defamation. :) and no one can sue me for that cuz hey, go through the archives, i may bitch but i don't do names. and like they always say, whoever eats the chilli, they feel the heat. excuse the poor translation ya. haha.
i wonder which part of the previous entry actually mentioned how sorry i felt for myself. i rarely feel sorry for myself cuz realistically speaking, i've got more going on for me now than i have in years. but that said, i still have problems. who doesn't? but i'm glad i have friends i can call at wee hours and know that they will listen. you know who you are sweetums. thanks. :)
hmm. and silly blog? that's quite relative isn't it? what defines silly? according to dictionary.com silly means;
1. exhibiting lack of wisdom or good sense; foolish. lack of wisdom? well i won't call myself a genius but i at least i dOn'T tYpE lIkE tHiS or lyk dis koz 2 mi dis is lyk so much mooooore silly... ya... owaes u noe all dis blogs... tok lyk dis... display lack of wisdom right?
2. Lacking seriousness or responsibleness; frivolous. what is not serious about me? i am always serious. DEADER THAN A DOORKNOB SERIOUS. serious as a heart attack. frivolous? well i don't see anything wrong in being frivolous. frivolous people tend to be quite happy. and if i am irresponsible about this blog, well trust me, if this blog needed breast- feeding or multi- vitamins supplement, i'll give it. SO RESPONSIBLE RIGHT?!
3. Semiconscious; dazed. ...... aiya. this one. haha. i don't know what to say. could be true la. cuz i'm usually stoned when i blog hence the random tidbits. but i've got several positive responses from people who read my blog and they like my random ramblings. they say i'm FUNNY! so if writing in a semiconscious state annoys anyone (though it is beyond me how you could possibly find this out), then i am so sorry. but no one is begging you to continue reading this. you can stop here and go google your own name or blog- hop or whatever. right?
so the fact that you're still here and reading my blog goes to show that as silly as this is, well, it's still addictive.
so if you really hate me, don't read my blog. simple.
sorry that i had to dedicate a whole blog entry to reply to a nameless person who is too chickenshit to leave a link or any possible avenue for me to reply to his/ her comments. cuz i see it as constructive. so constructive i looked up "silly" so that if it had negative undertones i can try and improve my blog.
but clearly, the issue here is not with my blog or even my entries. it's with me. and like i discussed with dizzie yesterday, people are trying to figure out my threshold. push every buttons just to see which will make me explode.
and they have missed the point. that fiza doesn't explode. cuz she's either too stoned/ blur/ bo chup, or she sees it pointless to explode at the thin air. why thin air? well because i don't know who these button- pushers are, do i?
the humankind (cuz dr steph says mankind is a gender biased definition. haha.) is a dynamic and fascinating species. maybe i can do an ethnographic study based on blog- wars and tag- bitching.
or maybe not. cuz i think the beauty of the world wide web is, anything can happen. anyone can be anything. information can be attained at a click, deleted from human knowledge, at a click too. technology has both impeded and benefitted us. like they said in the movie, The God Must Be Crazy, man have decided to adapt the environment to themselves. the seek increasing improvement, which leads to increased complication. so everyday, we have to adapt and re- adapt. and our days become chopped into little pieces because although we gain control over most things, double- edged sword that life is; we ourselves become controlled, by time. or the lack of it.
ok i am a bit too enthusiastic about my class. haha. i am taking this usp module, unravelling the riddles of culture: thinking like an anthropologist. and here i say to maya: you should have so come to usp! haha. cuz i got a lousy cap but i'm still in usp. so it's not about mugging at all! we just get more fun modules. i just know you would have enjoyed this one. it's the kind of thing eddie koh would advice us to do. ;)
the deviance lecturer is funny... haha. in more ways than one. and maya (again), uk shyam cease to be cute cuz he laughs in a VERY weird way. i'm serious. ask farihana n aleen. i think they should have noticed too. one sole person guffawing 5 seconds after others cease laughter. nyeh.
ok this is a long entry. largely due to the reply to my anonymous critic on the tag- board. i know some of you will tell me later i should have just ignored them, cuz now i'm biting the bait. but i'm not. cuz i'm not upset. or angry. this has not affected my life. hahaha. duh. but i've just decided that i'm no longer gonna take these fiza- haters lying down. well at least i'll try. if i got enough time like now (waiting for fauzul my guarantor to finish prayers so that we can go mpsh2 to buy my laptop! whee!).
laptop awaits. yay!
Thursday, January 13, 2005
so let me slip away
problems problems. left right centre. sick of it all. issues for the tissues and i ain't got any.
today instead of lightheartedly singing along, i cried as i shouted along to this...
problems problems. left right centre. sick of it all. issues for the tissues and i ain't got any.
today instead of lightheartedly singing along, i cried as i shouted along to this...
I am
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself
.................
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
just let me slip away. cuz if i have to keep swimming against this current i'll get tired. and i am. tired. very. all i want is to live. but even that seems to be nearly impossible.
to whoever it is still bitching about me in nus, help yourselves. in fact if you need juicier details come to me i'll tell you more. oh and while you're at it, write a book.
to everyone who claims that i've been lying down on you, pulling you down with me, feeling like you've had to made my needs central in your life: THEN STOP BEING HERE. stop. STOP being whatever it is you're BEING to me. if you're tired of it, stop. cuz i'm tired of listening to how tiring it is for you to do whatever it is you do.
My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
still blogging from USP comp lab.
toshiba a200 portege lappie awaits. at mpsh2. feeling a bit of blogging and msn withdrawal but come next week same time and day, i'll be clcikety clicking away on a brand new GORGEOUS cute tiny white lappie that by far CONTRASTS hafiz/ dizzie's FAT HUGE BLACK CHUNK OF METAL!
wahahahahahahaha. BITCHFEST!
btw the guy with the snide remarks on the taggie is hafiz DREBAR/ DRIVER/ BENGONG/ my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
:D
oh. and YOU. you surprise me. time and again. i thought you wanted another favour. AGAIN. and i wanted to say... how many times have you asked for help and i said yes, and how many times have i asked you, and yet in those rare occassions, you fail to carry through.
then you surprise me.
by saying "help me. forgive me. i shouldn't have said that last night. friends?"
aaw. like cornetto ice- cream, you melt me and make me a puddle of soggy mushy whipped milk. melting moments.
yeap. the best friend is back. WITH VENGEANCE and a sense of mission so strong you smell it all throughout chua chu kang. mission? make up for lost time.
i'd say, mission accomplished.
toshiba a200 portege lappie awaits. at mpsh2. feeling a bit of blogging and msn withdrawal but come next week same time and day, i'll be clcikety clicking away on a brand new GORGEOUS cute tiny white lappie that by far CONTRASTS hafiz/ dizzie's FAT HUGE BLACK CHUNK OF METAL!
wahahahahahahaha. BITCHFEST!
btw the guy with the snide remarks on the taggie is hafiz DREBAR/ DRIVER/ BENGONG/ my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
:D
oh. and YOU. you surprise me. time and again. i thought you wanted another favour. AGAIN. and i wanted to say... how many times have you asked for help and i said yes, and how many times have i asked you, and yet in those rare occassions, you fail to carry through.
then you surprise me.
by saying "help me. forgive me. i shouldn't have said that last night. friends?"
aaw. like cornetto ice- cream, you melt me and make me a puddle of soggy mushy whipped milk. melting moments.
yeap. the best friend is back. WITH VENGEANCE and a sense of mission so strong you smell it all throughout chua chu kang. mission? make up for lost time.
i'd say, mission accomplished.
Friday, January 07, 2005
still not connected to the www.
NYEH.
dizz: shut up la you! you're just jealous cuz i'm gonnae get a prettier lappie. and YOU ngek ngok i didn't get deviance. i've bidded again. how u bid one?? belo.
farhan: if u can fix it it's yours for the taking. haha.
and i am in USP block awaiting my auditions... 11.30 a.m. auditioning for usp musical. lalala.
k la. REAL news. guess WHOOOOOOOOOOO has made his way into fiza's heart, er sorry i mean friendster account?
mosthensemboiintheplanet.
nyahahahahaha YOU SUCK!
sorry. ahem. ok. i'm cool i'm cool. :D:D:D:D:D
damn happy can. k any advice on next moves?
hahahahaha. help, anyone. and you will be loved.
NYEH.
dizz: shut up la you! you're just jealous cuz i'm gonnae get a prettier lappie. and YOU ngek ngok i didn't get deviance. i've bidded again. how u bid one?? belo.
farhan: if u can fix it it's yours for the taking. haha.
and i am in USP block awaiting my auditions... 11.30 a.m. auditioning for usp musical. lalala.
k la. REAL news. guess WHOOOOOOOOOOO has made his way into fiza's heart, er sorry i mean friendster account?
mosthensemboiintheplanet.
nyahahahahaha YOU SUCK!
sorry. ahem. ok. i'm cool i'm cool. :D:D:D:D:D
damn happy can. k any advice on next moves?
hahahahaha. help, anyone. and you will be loved.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
k just off the top of my head.
things i want/ need/ crave/ dying for:
CAKE fashion nugget album.
franz ferdinand's latest album.
god damn new lappie cuz mine just bid farewell this noon at 3.30 p.m.
sob. now blogging from NUS. yea had to rush over here cuz i needed to bid. NAHIAK.
i'm sad. i need my daily dosage of msn.
hmm. but i survived 20 days in thailand without it. and school starts soon. kk. i'll be FINE.
sob.
things i want/ need/ crave/ dying for:
CAKE fashion nugget album.
franz ferdinand's latest album.
god damn new lappie cuz mine just bid farewell this noon at 3.30 p.m.
sob. now blogging from NUS. yea had to rush over here cuz i needed to bid. NAHIAK.
i'm sad. i need my daily dosage of msn.
hmm. but i survived 20 days in thailand without it. and school starts soon. kk. i'll be FINE.
sob.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
i am abnormal
according to my beloved friend, hafiz. thanks for the ice- cream schweets. lup youuuu many many darhlink.
over ice- cream we came to conclusions that includes; fiza is rugged, fiza is not shy, fiza is not demure, fiza is not gentle, fiza is ESSENTIALLY shy (?) (cuz i won't make first moves), fiza is having alot of men in 2005, fiza is sickeningly happy, fiza is abnormal.
yesyes. aaaaaaaaaaw now everyone! the boy loves me!
he said for a guy who wants to get me he needs a "learning phase". we were quiet for a moment as we registered this thought. then he went,
"wah lao! imagine an entire module on you!" "haha! ya! fizaism 1101E!"
laughlaughlaugh. then.
"wah confirm difficult seh... all the exams..." "no la where got... easy one la i make..." "no la... confirm got all the trick questions... like what would fiza do in this situation? then think think think then want to answer eh cannot... cuz cannot think like you... you abnormal..."
aaaaw.
"why would a guy go for me?"
"cuz ur fun la... funny, mad, happy... and you're not the mafan sort... low- maintainence..."
"why won't a guy go for me?"
"er... cuz we want someone more femine, more gentle, more needy, want to manja- manja sort (mollycoddle)..."
"so you're saying that they want me cuz i'm low- maintainence but don't want me cuz i'm not high- maintainence?"
"uh.. ya."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ONLY! RUBBISH AH!"
hahaha. ya. lovely intelligent conversations, we have. for the life of me, i will never understand men. i doubt we're meant to. same goes vice versa.
anypoots. bought stationery at northpoint popular. with him. lotsa laugh lotsa fun lotsa love. :)
ohoh! before that was peejay with hananess. lunched with her and eddie who whacked my head with my gift for him for my two bad grades. :D
then we watched mass dance being thought to new j1s. memories...
i want to marry fahmiiiiiii!!!!!!! cuz he cute and he says "come on do the funkeh." and "how how how? difficult right? haha." he was leading the mass dance. and we talk the same. thingy thingy. so come on baby we do the marry thingy thingy then can do the marching thingy thingy and live happily ever after thingy thingy.
ohohoh. then we went canteen again where i encountered mosthensemboiontheplanet farhan aizuddin. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. jejaka melayu terakhir lor that one. damn cute can. i want. i want to marry farhan. cuz he cute- cute, short- short, fair- fair and sweet- sweet. i like.
ok la. too many men already. headache ah. singlehood is bliss. even if it means too many men. haha. oh oh. i want baihakki also. and and and i want chocolates!
school in less than a week. uwek. but got najib. purple boy will be back... with vengeance.
eh no wait. that's me. hah. :)
according to my beloved friend, hafiz. thanks for the ice- cream schweets. lup youuuu many many darhlink.
over ice- cream we came to conclusions that includes; fiza is rugged, fiza is not shy, fiza is not demure, fiza is not gentle, fiza is ESSENTIALLY shy (?) (cuz i won't make first moves), fiza is having alot of men in 2005, fiza is sickeningly happy, fiza is abnormal.
yesyes. aaaaaaaaaaw now everyone! the boy loves me!
he said for a guy who wants to get me he needs a "learning phase". we were quiet for a moment as we registered this thought. then he went,
"wah lao! imagine an entire module on you!" "haha! ya! fizaism 1101E!"
laughlaughlaugh. then.
"wah confirm difficult seh... all the exams..." "no la where got... easy one la i make..." "no la... confirm got all the trick questions... like what would fiza do in this situation? then think think think then want to answer eh cannot... cuz cannot think like you... you abnormal..."
aaaaw.
"why would a guy go for me?"
"cuz ur fun la... funny, mad, happy... and you're not the mafan sort... low- maintainence..."
"why won't a guy go for me?"
"er... cuz we want someone more femine, more gentle, more needy, want to manja- manja sort (mollycoddle)..."
"so you're saying that they want me cuz i'm low- maintainence but don't want me cuz i'm not high- maintainence?"
"uh.. ya."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ONLY! RUBBISH AH!"
hahaha. ya. lovely intelligent conversations, we have. for the life of me, i will never understand men. i doubt we're meant to. same goes vice versa.
anypoots. bought stationery at northpoint popular. with him. lotsa laugh lotsa fun lotsa love. :)
ohoh! before that was peejay with hananess. lunched with her and eddie who whacked my head with my gift for him for my two bad grades. :D
then we watched mass dance being thought to new j1s. memories...
i want to marry fahmiiiiiii!!!!!!! cuz he cute and he says "come on do the funkeh." and "how how how? difficult right? haha." he was leading the mass dance. and we talk the same. thingy thingy. so come on baby we do the marry thingy thingy then can do the marching thingy thingy and live happily ever after thingy thingy.
ohohoh. then we went canteen again where i encountered mosthensemboiontheplanet farhan aizuddin. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. jejaka melayu terakhir lor that one. damn cute can. i want. i want to marry farhan. cuz he cute- cute, short- short, fair- fair and sweet- sweet. i like.
ok la. too many men already. headache ah. singlehood is bliss. even if it means too many men. haha. oh oh. i want baihakki also. and and and i want chocolates!
school in less than a week. uwek. but got najib. purple boy will be back... with vengeance.
eh no wait. that's me. hah. :)
Monday, January 03, 2005
i have a totally unhealthy crush on this one. which lioness isn't? if u watch soccer that is. *drools.
noh alam shah, our hero of yesterday. hat- trick yea. \m/. lu rock la dey.
squint a little and zoom or whatever. then smile. cuz that's FREAKIN' 4- 2 y'all!!!!!
exhaustion did not kill the spirit of this lion. i was still high and happy on singapore's win. but i was dying la. tired seh walk from national stadium to kallang mrt. they block this way, block that way. wa lau wei!
the similarities between the two are striking and scary. bbsians!
tired but happy. he looks like a cross between a drug addict and imhotep. the mummy movie la.
this TWO shouted like CRAZY during the match and strongly resembled the pakciks who were randomly shouting at any stupid player, referee, linesmen, or spectators with funny hair.
me and farid. i was the noisier of this pair. sheesh. at one point we were under the same brolly and when the game got a lil' exciting i suddenly stood up, stunning the poor boy with the brolly. haha.
hyaidi & fadli. they are a surprisingly quiet pair of soccer spectators. well fad did chant referee metal! while the others were going referee kayu. but that's it. haha.
the penalty indra missed. :(
the minute of silence before the game.
i'm a singaporean hear me ROAR!
haha. watched the singapore vs myanmar match live at the national stadium.
the mood was electric as we saw singapore tumble and fall and picked themselves up again to sail through to the FINALS with an 8- 5 goal aggregate win. whoo hoo!
went with limbelo and yat. then bumped into hairul and his cousins. then met farid and fadli. then hyaidi came along.
so there i sat happily sandwiched between hafiz lim and farid. wahaha.
game was good. i am happy. :)
myanmars are VIOLENT. ROAAAAAAR.
haha. ok alot of funny pakciks also. i damn tired la. blog tomorrow can?
tomorrow i'll come armed with pictures. k not tomorrow later. ok. later. toodles.
haha. watched the singapore vs myanmar match live at the national stadium.
the mood was electric as we saw singapore tumble and fall and picked themselves up again to sail through to the FINALS with an 8- 5 goal aggregate win. whoo hoo!
went with limbelo and yat. then bumped into hairul and his cousins. then met farid and fadli. then hyaidi came along.
so there i sat happily sandwiched between hafiz lim and farid. wahaha.
game was good. i am happy. :)
myanmars are VIOLENT. ROAAAAAAR.
haha. ok alot of funny pakciks also. i damn tired la. blog tomorrow can?
tomorrow i'll come armed with pictures. k not tomorrow later. ok. later. toodles.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
i have just stuffed a WHOLE ferrero rocher into my mouth. yeah WHOLE. not bite it in half or anything.
WHOLE.
ya k just felt a need to blog that. :D hee.
WHOLE.
ya k just felt a need to blog that. :D hee.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
a summary of my 1st jan, 2005. :) oooooh happiness, don't you dare leave my side.
yesterday. last year. haha. farid will get this joke. he and his, "kau ni tahun lepas tahun ni sama jugak! tak ubah ubah!" translation: you ah. last year this year same only. never change. this was applicable only because we met at 11- ish and were still talking together at 7 a.m.
yes yes. lame i know.
that was how my night and morning was. lame and full of laughs.
happy happy happy.
4.30 p.m. met mum. late lunch/ eary dinner at wismangan. yumness. bought a top from topshop. whee me. we then headed to city hall. mulled around.
9- ish. met nadia my tutee. some scruff but yea. got to catch rafe in action with her and banana. good band. thumbs up ya.
this is where i intervene and clarify. it wasn't as simple as that. too many people and rain caused several issues but none that spoilt the night.
oh. bumped into several people. many of whom were not supposed to see me. e.g. my superhot crush that SO made my 2004, hakim who has been cause for worry for many couples, farid who is the cause for worry for hafiz. haha.
it was like a gessian reunion smack there. haha.
post- rafe walked to satay club to sit and countdown with hyaidi & his posse. 5,4,3,2,1... he and fad lit a cig. haha. FAGS will be FAGS.
12.30 a.m. caught electrico. goodings! music was looooooove. :)
1.30 a.m. trudged our way to lau pa sat. bumped into a bunch of gessians. who we were laughing at from far cuz we didn't know we know them and they were doing push- ups outside fullerton. huh.
2- ish to 4- ish. eat like a pig at lau pa sat. happiness. honey chicken is bliss.
4- ish to 7- ish. outside caltex house. photo- taking many many, as you can probably see. blasted hyaidi's few collection of mp3 songs. mini- clubbing. aceh clubbing. hahaha. "ooooh i like CEH, i like CEH..." "Aceh wanna know...." never mind. inside joke. so inside that no point explaining also. too long. haha.
fadly and farid kept us constantly entertained. a drunk caucasian man pat my head. :S
laughed my first 7 hours of 1st jan away with them... not ideal but by god, i was happy.
i feel happy. and hopefully these are my words for the days to come.
HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOG- READERS!
yes yes. lame i know.
that was how my night and morning was. lame and full of laughs.
happy happy happy.
4.30 p.m. met mum. late lunch/ eary dinner at wismangan. yumness. bought a top from topshop. whee me. we then headed to city hall. mulled around.
9- ish. met nadia my tutee. some scruff but yea. got to catch rafe in action with her and banana. good band. thumbs up ya.
this is where i intervene and clarify. it wasn't as simple as that. too many people and rain caused several issues but none that spoilt the night.
oh. bumped into several people. many of whom were not supposed to see me. e.g. my superhot crush that SO made my 2004, hakim who has been cause for worry for many couples, farid who is the cause for worry for hafiz. haha.
it was like a gessian reunion smack there. haha.
post- rafe walked to satay club to sit and countdown with hyaidi & his posse. 5,4,3,2,1... he and fad lit a cig. haha. FAGS will be FAGS.
12.30 a.m. caught electrico. goodings! music was looooooove. :)
1.30 a.m. trudged our way to lau pa sat. bumped into a bunch of gessians. who we were laughing at from far cuz we didn't know we know them and they were doing push- ups outside fullerton. huh.
2- ish to 4- ish. eat like a pig at lau pa sat. happiness. honey chicken is bliss.
4- ish to 7- ish. outside caltex house. photo- taking many many, as you can probably see. blasted hyaidi's few collection of mp3 songs. mini- clubbing. aceh clubbing. hahaha. "ooooh i like CEH, i like CEH..." "Aceh wanna know...." never mind. inside joke. so inside that no point explaining also. too long. haha.
fadly and farid kept us constantly entertained. a drunk caucasian man pat my head. :S
laughed my first 7 hours of 1st jan away with them... not ideal but by god, i was happy.
i feel happy. and hopefully these are my words for the days to come.
HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOG- READERS!
laughing the night away. what a way to greet the new year.
we have so much angst to express. haha. this pic just reminds me of secondary school... when we wanted to be punk. young punks.
alah la la la la la la la... handsomenye... wahaha. the two F's. funny and uh... funnier. haha.
me and her. :) 6 good years it's been, aye me lass?
the only attached people of the group. <3
my cigarbox bag that got one and all oh so happy.
yes. that's a glowstick round his head. .... speechless.
aaah. finally a proper shot with my date for the night.
ONWARD! ROAR! err. ya. gessians for you.
farid took a strange liking to my bag. asked me to buy him one. i worry for that one. that's fadly, farid, hyaidi n yana for you, left to right. the 4 people me n banananess spent our frst 6 hours of the new year with.
the devil. and er, her mum. oh. and starbucks hot cocoa. slurp.
crazy little party girl ready to greet the new year. :)
ka- mi a- nak me tro po li tan! wahaha. next anak metro installments i'm sending these in as our test shots. confirm in one!
late night madcap at OUB Centre. the 3 mats in action again. yours truly as prized photographer. this is zee lyfe, non?
they just couldn't keep their hands off my pretty purple lacy brolly. fadly went into posing overdrive. haha. poor lion.
the 3 mat gan eng seng. buy one get 2 free.
this is the shoe that mutated my poor feet and hence had to be exchanged for katak/ square slippers and therefore the owner of the katak/ square slippers had to wear the evil shoes.