I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
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New York III
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Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Friday, December 31, 2004
* clink. here's to you, 2004. CHEERS!
phayao lake. second biggest in thailand. beeyootiful.suai-y thii sut.
don't look back in anger, i heard you say
here we are at last.
2004.2005.
fast.
tomorrow i'll wake up to a new year.
most importantly. tomorrow when i wake up... it'll be 7 years since my dad passed on.
yes, my dad passed away on new year day. 1st jan 1998.
see why there's never a happy new year? heh. irony.
counting down to new year is counting down to his death anniversary. another one of god's much- loved sense of humour manifested.
but i'm not sad... it's good he went when he had to.
as for 2005... i don't think it'll be all that bad.
i hoped too much for 2004. as such, i fell harder. this time round, i'll just live.
que sera sera...
and some pics below, to summarise (very) shortly, my 2004.
thou shalt be missed.
here we are at last.
2004.2005.
fast.
tomorrow i'll wake up to a new year.
most importantly. tomorrow when i wake up... it'll be 7 years since my dad passed on.
yes, my dad passed away on new year day. 1st jan 1998.
see why there's never a happy new year? heh. irony.
counting down to new year is counting down to his death anniversary. another one of god's much- loved sense of humour manifested.
but i'm not sad... it's good he went when he had to.
as for 2005... i don't think it'll be all that bad.
i hoped too much for 2004. as such, i fell harder. this time round, i'll just live.
que sera sera...
and some pics below, to summarise (very) shortly, my 2004.
thou shalt be missed.
the ba kum household. :)
hari raya 2004. for the newly separated belo couple of peejay.
the many merry men of 2004. who more or less made an impact on my 2004. some more than others. of course. *wry smile.
count your blessings, and count this one a 100 times.
have you met the fockers? no?
then you SHOULD. enough humour to tide you through the transition of years. :) for a brief blissful moment, i was enveloped in slapstick sex jokes and double entendres. hooo wheee.
i've been fockerised. in perfect condition for the new year, i say.
then you SHOULD. enough humour to tide you through the transition of years. :) for a brief blissful moment, i was enveloped in slapstick sex jokes and double entendres. hooo wheee.
i've been fockerised. in perfect condition for the new year, i say.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
confessions.
i've taken the cowardly way of avoiding channel news asia and the papers like a plague. why? cuz my lips wobble and my eyes water. so sue me. i'm an emotional basketcase.
my mum and many others keep going on and on about it. no offence but really. it's becoming like a freak show. oh my god look at that look at this etc etc.
if you wanna help, get your ass up to phuket. or sri lanka. or india. whichever's applicable.
or donate to the red cross. i want to and i will. cuz honestly, watching the news as the death toll goes up faster than the number of americans hating bush right now is POINTLESS. i have an interest in world issues. i'm not ignorant. but i like to be productive.
i encountered several blogs who are apalled that thailand and india failed to pick up warnings about the onslaught of these killer waves. apalled that more money is spent to send people to space than to invest in a, hmm, maybe LESS USEFUL, warning system. ooooh choices choices.
but that's just how it is now, no? in an ideal world, no one would die in that natural disaster. i read somewhere that these tsunamis can be detected so much earlier so much so that in actual fact, no lives should have been lost in this one.
so? want to start pointing fingers?
i say point to God. He has a point to make and if you just shut up and stop gawking at the gory pictures of bloated corpses, you just might get the hint.
oh well. i read up some and little on tsunamis. just to put into perspective the magnitude of this natural disaster....
"According to US geophysicists, the earthquake that unleashed deadly tsunami waves on Asia, was so powerful, it made the earth wobble on its axis and permanently altered the regional map."
i don't know whether to laugh or cry. earth freakin wobbled. EARTH. where we standlivebreathe. WOBBLED.
screw armageddon, day after tomorrow or whathaveyous. THIS is the real thing.
i hope that He gives us a chance to clear the mess before more hits us.
if you're truly interested and you really care.... click here.
i've taken the cowardly way of avoiding channel news asia and the papers like a plague. why? cuz my lips wobble and my eyes water. so sue me. i'm an emotional basketcase.
my mum and many others keep going on and on about it. no offence but really. it's becoming like a freak show. oh my god look at that look at this etc etc.
if you wanna help, get your ass up to phuket. or sri lanka. or india. whichever's applicable.
or donate to the red cross. i want to and i will. cuz honestly, watching the news as the death toll goes up faster than the number of americans hating bush right now is POINTLESS. i have an interest in world issues. i'm not ignorant. but i like to be productive.
i encountered several blogs who are apalled that thailand and india failed to pick up warnings about the onslaught of these killer waves. apalled that more money is spent to send people to space than to invest in a, hmm, maybe LESS USEFUL, warning system. ooooh choices choices.
but that's just how it is now, no? in an ideal world, no one would die in that natural disaster. i read somewhere that these tsunamis can be detected so much earlier so much so that in actual fact, no lives should have been lost in this one.
so? want to start pointing fingers?
i say point to God. He has a point to make and if you just shut up and stop gawking at the gory pictures of bloated corpses, you just might get the hint.
oh well. i read up some and little on tsunamis. just to put into perspective the magnitude of this natural disaster....
"According to US geophysicists, the earthquake that unleashed deadly tsunami waves on Asia, was so powerful, it made the earth wobble on its axis and permanently altered the regional map."
i don't know whether to laugh or cry. earth freakin wobbled. EARTH. where we standlivebreathe. WOBBLED.
screw armageddon, day after tomorrow or whathaveyous. THIS is the real thing.
i hope that He gives us a chance to clear the mess before more hits us.
if you're truly interested and you really care.... click here.
k i swear this is the last. my fingers are outta control and just keep posting pictures again and again. narcissist in me. nyeh. toodles from the happy mini- tanned girl.
this is one of the few reasons why i will always pine for thailand. this is a ceylonese tea house smack in the middle of bustling chiang mai. not like you'll be able to tell when you're in there. it's so quiet and soothing i half- expected angels and baby cupids' to pop out from behind corners. heaven. hidden heaven.
here it is in all it's glory....... PUTU MAYAM AKU SAYANG PADAMU!!! no i do. anything with gula merah also i will sayang la but putu mayam is spesyel cuz the mamak who gave it to me was super nice & gave me 3 instead of 2. ok that makes the mamak special, not the putu mayam. but putu mayam is spesyel. cuz it's bee hoon. dried bee hoon. with GULA MERAH. muahaha.
kite rawk beb. caya tak caya? tak pasal. bwahaha. i don't know why in God's name i kept insisting on these tao poses. sick of teeth i think. wahaha.
our sialan pose. if all else fails we write rawk meuzeek play rawk songehs and this will be the album cover. my band is called the whoo hoos and since i'm the leader of this (non- existent) band, hafiz is obliged to accept this name if he joins me hand- in- hand and together we'll walk off into glorious rockerfella skankin lifestyle. wa caya sama lu. \m/
deja vu.deja vu.deja vu.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
my secondary school anthem (whose one line made permanent residence on my electronic calculator to the amusement of few): OHHHHHHHH LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE.
sentosa with the belo one today. he made tuna sandwiches. yum. the sun did not co- operate (but i got a mini- tan! yay! play along now!) but we had a good time anyway. what's new?
"don't make me your only source of happiness... i can't live up to that."
"hokaaay... ya well when i go out with my friends of course i'm happy la and all. but with you it's different. with you... there's a lingering effect. even when i'm alone and you're gone already, i can still smile."
salty drops streak my cheeks and no, it wasn't seawater.
sentosa with the belo one today. he made tuna sandwiches. yum. the sun did not co- operate (but i got a mini- tan! yay! play along now!) but we had a good time anyway. what's new?
"don't make me your only source of happiness... i can't live up to that."
"hokaaay... ya well when i go out with my friends of course i'm happy la and all. but with you it's different. with you... there's a lingering effect. even when i'm alone and you're gone already, i can still smile."
salty drops streak my cheeks and no, it wasn't seawater.
i lost my strength to write.
2005. already. so soon. too soon. where did all the time go? 2-0. twenty.years.old. OLD.
i still feel like a floundering fish. like i did in february. i still feel like i just started 2004. 2004 is the longest year of my life as yet. i don't want it to end just yet.
so many loose ends. so many things to do. so many broken promises, trundled hearts, foolish minds and temporal euphoric moments.
fleeting.
windswept minds... random thoughts. SO MANY MEN. nyahahaha. that HAD to come along at some point.
many running away. this year i discovered the coward in me. run off in times of woe. i learnt to step back, i guess. step back and assess the situation, run off somewhere, then come back to solve it. i learnt that not all things needed immediate attention. some wounds heal with time.
so many issues. so many events. important? maybe. so many discoveries. enemies, friendship, love... :)
i feel like i grew a 100 years older this year. nus? not just that i guess. several things.
let's run through the men list. who is fiza without a jamban/ toilet bowl full of men/shit?
najib. hafiz. laremy. hakim. fir. ikhwan. faizal. hafiz. imran. nian. fauzul.
i think that's it. even so, too many for a girl and a year. ;)
i think travelling made me wiser. somehow. the people i met, the experiences. maybe.
31st december. beckons.
2005. am i ready?
resolutions... hmm... immediate one is definitely to study harder. god i almost threw my future away this sem. will not risk it again next time round.
SIGG Switzerlandshe will be loved says:
yeah.. commitment wise, studies, future, basically life is too fast
our time is running out says:
yup.
our time is running out says:
that's why we must go thailand
our time is running out says:
where everything is slow and languid n beautiful
hehe. i love that place too much. maybe i should change plans. complete 360 degrees turnabout.
maybe not.
resolutions, resolutions. i hate making them cuz i never keep them. but it's good to have a gauge list.
1. work/ study harder. need $ + the grades.
2. be more involved with school. ccas, productions, camps, the works.
3. be more optimistic! no more down-with-hope. i'll try.
4. keep up with the single status. it might be the best thing to happen to me in 2004- singlehood.
5. be more regular with my faith. maybe attend a few more syarahans... maybe take up a religious class somewhere.
6. fix my bloody body clock. this insomnia GOTTOGO.
7. travel more.
does the last one count as a resolution? who cares. i like travelling. maybe i should be a tour guide in thailand. or mexico. hmm... one can only dream.
oh, important resolution.
8. do not limit my dreams.
:) ok. maybe more as 2005 approaches but for now this will do. resolutions that are possibly keep- able.
sentosa tomorrow! whee. tan tan tan. lalalala.
2005. already. so soon. too soon. where did all the time go? 2-0. twenty.years.old. OLD.
i still feel like a floundering fish. like i did in february. i still feel like i just started 2004. 2004 is the longest year of my life as yet. i don't want it to end just yet.
so many loose ends. so many things to do. so many broken promises, trundled hearts, foolish minds and temporal euphoric moments.
fleeting.
windswept minds... random thoughts. SO MANY MEN. nyahahaha. that HAD to come along at some point.
many running away. this year i discovered the coward in me. run off in times of woe. i learnt to step back, i guess. step back and assess the situation, run off somewhere, then come back to solve it. i learnt that not all things needed immediate attention. some wounds heal with time.
so many issues. so many events. important? maybe. so many discoveries. enemies, friendship, love... :)
i feel like i grew a 100 years older this year. nus? not just that i guess. several things.
let's run through the men list. who is fiza without a jamban/ toilet bowl full of men/shit?
najib. hafiz. laremy. hakim. fir. ikhwan. faizal. hafiz. imran. nian. fauzul.
i think that's it. even so, too many for a girl and a year. ;)
i think travelling made me wiser. somehow. the people i met, the experiences. maybe.
31st december. beckons.
2005. am i ready?
resolutions... hmm... immediate one is definitely to study harder. god i almost threw my future away this sem. will not risk it again next time round.
SIGG Switzerlandshe will be loved says:
yeah.. commitment wise, studies, future, basically life is too fast
our time is running out says:
yup.
our time is running out says:
that's why we must go thailand
our time is running out says:
where everything is slow and languid n beautiful
hehe. i love that place too much. maybe i should change plans. complete 360 degrees turnabout.
maybe not.
resolutions, resolutions. i hate making them cuz i never keep them. but it's good to have a gauge list.
1. work/ study harder. need $ + the grades.
2. be more involved with school. ccas, productions, camps, the works.
3. be more optimistic! no more down-with-hope. i'll try.
4. keep up with the single status. it might be the best thing to happen to me in 2004- singlehood.
5. be more regular with my faith. maybe attend a few more syarahans... maybe take up a religious class somewhere.
6. fix my bloody body clock. this insomnia GOTTOGO.
7. travel more.
does the last one count as a resolution? who cares. i like travelling. maybe i should be a tour guide in thailand. or mexico. hmm... one can only dream.
oh, important resolution.
8. do not limit my dreams.
:) ok. maybe more as 2005 approaches but for now this will do. resolutions that are possibly keep- able.
sentosa tomorrow! whee. tan tan tan. lalalala.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
if all else fails, i'ma gonna pack up and go back to ban tham, phayao and marry off this cutie here. :D
should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?
just in the month of december alone, i learnt so much.
it never fails to strike me how i learn so much more when i'm not in school. but no, i'm not about to pack up and run off to the mountains in thailand and leave behind this world.
.........................but it's tempting.
wit, one of the facilitators of the YEP said this about community service, "the community is the teacher. we learn from the community, it's the community that teaches us. so in reality, community gives to us, not we give to the community."
i learnt alot on life in 19 years. i loved every lesson. lately, many ask why i am constantly happy. i didn't do well for my finals, i am more sickly lately, i got no dad, i got no boyfriend, i got no one courting me, i don't date weekly, i don't have a clique of my own...
but i have love.
from others and from within. i have so much love i will make you sick. hahaha. but ya. i do. i got more than enough to go around.
hence i'll never be lonely. no matter how far away i am from mankind, i am never lonely. alone, yes, but not lonely.
love is such a huge concept... to limit it to just what you share with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ friends/ family is incomprehensible to me. love is for the world... love is to make yourself happy.
i am flawed. who isn't? i know my flaws. i also know my assets. i also know that if all else fails, i have God.
i was on a highway in KL when the belo one msged me about the tsunami. first was shock, then "syukur alhamdullilah" for my loved ones were safe. i asked the belo one, what does he think He is trying to tell us?
the world- weary old foggy said there's too much violence and fighting and hatred in the world... the world is now in a mess. *grin* the poor dear is so jaded.
but i think... this is Him telling us to appreciate life before Life ends. this is Him showing us His might and will, and more importantly, this is Him showing us He exist.
live for the moment. you might not have a tomorrow, but at least you have now. :)
just in the month of december alone, i learnt so much.
it never fails to strike me how i learn so much more when i'm not in school. but no, i'm not about to pack up and run off to the mountains in thailand and leave behind this world.
.........................but it's tempting.
wit, one of the facilitators of the YEP said this about community service, "the community is the teacher. we learn from the community, it's the community that teaches us. so in reality, community gives to us, not we give to the community."
i learnt alot on life in 19 years. i loved every lesson. lately, many ask why i am constantly happy. i didn't do well for my finals, i am more sickly lately, i got no dad, i got no boyfriend, i got no one courting me, i don't date weekly, i don't have a clique of my own...
but i have love.
from others and from within. i have so much love i will make you sick. hahaha. but ya. i do. i got more than enough to go around.
hence i'll never be lonely. no matter how far away i am from mankind, i am never lonely. alone, yes, but not lonely.
love is such a huge concept... to limit it to just what you share with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ friends/ family is incomprehensible to me. love is for the world... love is to make yourself happy.
i am flawed. who isn't? i know my flaws. i also know my assets. i also know that if all else fails, i have God.
i was on a highway in KL when the belo one msged me about the tsunami. first was shock, then "syukur alhamdullilah" for my loved ones were safe. i asked the belo one, what does he think He is trying to tell us?
the world- weary old foggy said there's too much violence and fighting and hatred in the world... the world is now in a mess. *grin* the poor dear is so jaded.
but i think... this is Him telling us to appreciate life before Life ends. this is Him showing us His might and will, and more importantly, this is Him showing us He exist.
live for the moment. you might not have a tomorrow, but at least you have now. :)
Friday, December 24, 2004
WARNING: long entry ahead.
wrote this for my sickly cousin living in Port Dickson whom i am very close to. it's in translated malay. it was written in rotten malay. it is FIZA here. this is all at the back of a painting that has a quote- "not all who wander are lost."
Abry...
not all who wander are lost.
life is a JOURNEY, not a destination. we won't know our point of living if we don't take the road that is ahead of us.
sometimes in this journey of life it's not wrong for us to stop for a moment to think of our next step- it is even okay for us to change directions. what's important is the will to move forward, to continue this journey- that's called life. our existence is a journey- our destination is not up to us to decide. our reason for being here is to walk down the path He has set for us. this journey is the one that will teach us the meaning of life.
however, what is most important is- LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE AND LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE. we only live once- there is too little chances for us to do everything we want to do in our lives.
humans spend too much time dreaming with their eyes closed. make your dream a reality- don't waste this journey- make interesting stopovers. :)
life is too short for us to continue being sad and depressed. we have to claim our rights in this life- that is HAPPINESS. satisfaction is not too difficult to achieve if we learn to live without luxury.
it's not hard to change our direction in this journey/ life- just have faith in yourself and Allah. insya- allah.
-just some thoughts i penned down. had a sudden muse. hope it brings some sparkle into this life that otherwise seems rather bleak at most times.
ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS- DO NOT WASTE THIS JOURNEY. SEARCHING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE AT A LOSS, WANDERING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LOST.
you've been warned. bus for msia leaves at 11 p.m. tonight. am going out with bona later for lunch, a chat and a tee. :)
all smiles from this side of the world.
wrote this for my sickly cousin living in Port Dickson whom i am very close to. it's in translated malay. it was written in rotten malay. it is FIZA here. this is all at the back of a painting that has a quote- "not all who wander are lost."
Abry...
not all who wander are lost.
life is a JOURNEY, not a destination. we won't know our point of living if we don't take the road that is ahead of us.
sometimes in this journey of life it's not wrong for us to stop for a moment to think of our next step- it is even okay for us to change directions. what's important is the will to move forward, to continue this journey- that's called life. our existence is a journey- our destination is not up to us to decide. our reason for being here is to walk down the path He has set for us. this journey is the one that will teach us the meaning of life.
however, what is most important is- LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE AND LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE. we only live once- there is too little chances for us to do everything we want to do in our lives.
humans spend too much time dreaming with their eyes closed. make your dream a reality- don't waste this journey- make interesting stopovers. :)
life is too short for us to continue being sad and depressed. we have to claim our rights in this life- that is HAPPINESS. satisfaction is not too difficult to achieve if we learn to live without luxury.
it's not hard to change our direction in this journey/ life- just have faith in yourself and Allah. insya- allah.
-just some thoughts i penned down. had a sudden muse. hope it brings some sparkle into this life that otherwise seems rather bleak at most times.
ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS- DO NOT WASTE THIS JOURNEY. SEARCHING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE AT A LOSS, WANDERING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LOST.
you've been warned. bus for msia leaves at 11 p.m. tonight. am going out with bona later for lunch, a chat and a tee. :)
all smiles from this side of the world.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
guess who's back?
be still my child. all is fine. all is good. only thing is i miss thailand like crazy. random words coming right up.
ban tham. phayao. phayao lake. kang. chan. ba kham. noi. nat. sha. nian. abdul. joyce. grace. tenghui. minyi. food. nam prik. suai maak. chiang mai. bangkok. shopping. patpong. neon bikinis. mist. thai market. waffles with raisins. soya bean milk. doggies. theatre workshop. cold showers. noisy chickens. crazy riders. circus acts.
so many things. i love each and every moment of it. village life is calm and peaceful and untainted. they get things done but they're not half as stressed and hurried as we are.
the boys are so polite and well brought up. i wanna marry them. :D
i love the village. i love cycling to chan's at 6 and then heading to the market with the same group. i love the mist, the cold, the chills in the morning.
i like thailand. :) i like home. i like life. more talks later.
oh ya. am headed to msia tomorow. yea yea i know. i just got back. oh well. the life of a jetsetter ey? ;)
be still my child. all is fine. all is good. only thing is i miss thailand like crazy. random words coming right up.
ban tham. phayao. phayao lake. kang. chan. ba kham. noi. nat. sha. nian. abdul. joyce. grace. tenghui. minyi. food. nam prik. suai maak. chiang mai. bangkok. shopping. patpong. neon bikinis. mist. thai market. waffles with raisins. soya bean milk. doggies. theatre workshop. cold showers. noisy chickens. crazy riders. circus acts.
so many things. i love each and every moment of it. village life is calm and peaceful and untainted. they get things done but they're not half as stressed and hurried as we are.
the boys are so polite and well brought up. i wanna marry them. :D
i love the village. i love cycling to chan's at 6 and then heading to the market with the same group. i love the mist, the cold, the chills in the morning.
i like thailand. :) i like home. i like life. more talks later.
oh ya. am headed to msia tomorow. yea yea i know. i just got back. oh well. the life of a jetsetter ey? ;)
Friday, December 03, 2004
toodles from the girl headed to North Thailand, Phayao from 3rd Dec- 23rd Dec. :) Wish her luck and do pray many many for her while she resides in the village with chicken and dogs. and malaria and HIV. :) muacks. my love to all.
All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin'
This early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now
They don't mean a thing
Every place I go
I think of you
Every song I sing
I sing for you
When I come back
I'll wear your wedding ring
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Close your eyesI'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the time when I don't have to say...
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go.
in the words of terminator: i'll be back. nyahaha.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
YOU WANT ME TO COME BACK?
THEN PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE BUY ME TAUFIK'S ALBUM. and you MUST buy it RIGHT ON THE 17th. NO LYING HOR! i want a FRESH ALBUM.
I WANT I WANT I WANT. I'LL BE BACK 23rd. WHOEVER AWAITS ME AT THE ARRIVAL HALL on the 23rd at TERMINAL ONE AT 1500 HOURS FLIGHT FD5012 WITH TAUFIK'S WEEK- OLD ALBUM WILL WIN MY ETERNAL LOVE AND DEVOTION! ETERNAL Y'ALL!!! ETERNAL!!!! FROM MISS COMMITMENT- PHOBE!
ok. so if you want to make me happy. easy. GIVE ME TAUFIK's album. tee hee.
ok la. miss chicken is still scared of going away. nyeh.
THEN PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE BUY ME TAUFIK'S ALBUM. and you MUST buy it RIGHT ON THE 17th. NO LYING HOR! i want a FRESH ALBUM.
I WANT I WANT I WANT. I'LL BE BACK 23rd. WHOEVER AWAITS ME AT THE ARRIVAL HALL on the 23rd at TERMINAL ONE AT 1500 HOURS FLIGHT FD5012 WITH TAUFIK'S WEEK- OLD ALBUM WILL WIN MY ETERNAL LOVE AND DEVOTION! ETERNAL Y'ALL!!! ETERNAL!!!! FROM MISS COMMITMENT- PHOBE!
ok. so if you want to make me happy. easy. GIVE ME TAUFIK's album. tee hee.
ok la. miss chicken is still scared of going away. nyeh.
shout- out to: hafiz limbelo, hakim pendek, hana, banana and all other friends who read this blog. songs just for you up at my 2nd blog... click here.
final entry will be post at midnight. now i am randomly nervous and emotionally blank.
1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19.20.
bah. i'll be fine.
but. i'll miss you people. i'll miss blogger. god. 20 days.is.so.long.
jumping jellybeans.
suddenly i am so scared and nervous. never been away from home to a strange country for so long before. and i'm not even staying with relatives. oh dear oh dear.
but i'll be fine. i can take care of myself...
i wish i could be more convincing.
final entry will be post at midnight. now i am randomly nervous and emotionally blank.
1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19.20.
bah. i'll be fine.
but. i'll miss you people. i'll miss blogger. god. 20 days.is.so.long.
jumping jellybeans.
suddenly i am so scared and nervous. never been away from home to a strange country for so long before. and i'm not even staying with relatives. oh dear oh dear.
but i'll be fine. i can take care of myself...
i wish i could be more convincing.
2nd jalan raya. hockey girls and one terselit rugby girl.
ho hum. 2nd jalan raya. where hafiz went off early and hakim, the character you see above, arrived later.
the love that took it's toll on me. :) -click to read poem-
HORNYYYYYYYYYY. khekhekhe.
give it up for: THE FIRST SINGAPOORE IDOL AND FIZA'S FUTURE HUSBAND. Woo hoo.
sing for me baby! meeeeeeeeeee...eeee..eee aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand mrs, mrs jones..... *melts*
oh. abang hensemmmmmmmm sekaliiiii.
god works his own way
i can't believe that i just felt the miracle of god. right here tonight. just when i was on the brink of falling and risking it all, i got a phonecall at that precise moment that revealed such useful and fascinating news that forever changes my perception and feelings for this person.
i'm speechless. not by the deed. by His might. to show me the light as and when He felt the need be.
thank you god. syukur alhamdullilah. i saved myself from being another fool. if i had went on and fall, i would be so wrecked now. but due to my obstinate insistance in rejecting love or like, i escape unscatched by that hellbound fire.
thank you god. tonight you showed me what you're about. miracles. and faith.
and You. i am not angry with you cuz we're all human. and you are just another typical normal guy. but do, entertain me, try to explain yourself. the attempt would be amusing and it's results, more. i am willing to forgive if i deem it reasonable. but you lost it. as farhan mentioned, "....tonight he really blew it."
and you did.
no more. i will not hope or like. no way.
closer i get to leaving, more shit seems to happen.
but i have faith in you god. and your many miracles.
be gone on 3rd dec @ 11 am. flight leaves then. miss me, love me, tag me.
make merry and see you when i get back.
i can't believe that i just felt the miracle of god. right here tonight. just when i was on the brink of falling and risking it all, i got a phonecall at that precise moment that revealed such useful and fascinating news that forever changes my perception and feelings for this person.
i'm speechless. not by the deed. by His might. to show me the light as and when He felt the need be.
thank you god. syukur alhamdullilah. i saved myself from being another fool. if i had went on and fall, i would be so wrecked now. but due to my obstinate insistance in rejecting love or like, i escape unscatched by that hellbound fire.
thank you god. tonight you showed me what you're about. miracles. and faith.
and You. i am not angry with you cuz we're all human. and you are just another typical normal guy. but do, entertain me, try to explain yourself. the attempt would be amusing and it's results, more. i am willing to forgive if i deem it reasonable. but you lost it. as farhan mentioned, "....tonight he really blew it."
and you did.
no more. i will not hope or like. no way.
closer i get to leaving, more shit seems to happen.
but i have faith in you god. and your many miracles.
be gone on 3rd dec @ 11 am. flight leaves then. miss me, love me, tag me.
make merry and see you when i get back.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
taufik. YOU'RE MY IDOL.
I DREAM OF YOU.
I DREAM OF YOU.
platonic friends
this song strikes a chord in me. anytime of my life. it will. always. why? cuz i'm always falling for friends and friends are always falling for me. and we always treasure the friendship too much to risk telling them how we feel cuz... what if it's not mutual? then he feels awkward around you? people always say "well if he's that immature then he's not worth it." no no. if you treasure the friendship... don't make it awkward. don't reveal. suffer in silence. help him get the girl he wants. cuz if you tell him and he doesn't like you back, then you risk losing the friendship that you share in the first place.
and when you don't, you just go on being friends, at least you'll still get to be THAT close to him. you'll still get to see him. laugh. share with him. like a friend. though you might want more... that desire has to be fulfilled at a cost. and i don't ever, ever, ever want to bear that cost.
cuz even if it's mutual, what if you break up? then what? then you'll be bitter. the beautiful memories you shared as friends is tainted with the bitter moments of the split. though it's not permanent anger but you will stop talking for awhile. some forever. then you lose even more. you lose a friend, a boyfriend, memories... it's just not worth it.
so my take is if you like a friend, keep it. just keep it.
and you say, what if it's mutual? and ends in marriage? and you live together? best friends in true deep love?
well that's a what if i don't think about. it's too perfect.
Jann Arden- You Don't Know Me
You give your hand to me and then you say hello
And i can hardly speak my heart is beating so
And anyone can tell you think you know me well
But you don't know me
No you don't know the one who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips longs to hold you tight
Oh i am just a friend that's all i've ever been
Cause you don't know me
I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy i let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh you will never know the one who loves you so
Well you don't know me
this song strikes a chord in me. anytime of my life. it will. always. why? cuz i'm always falling for friends and friends are always falling for me. and we always treasure the friendship too much to risk telling them how we feel cuz... what if it's not mutual? then he feels awkward around you? people always say "well if he's that immature then he's not worth it." no no. if you treasure the friendship... don't make it awkward. don't reveal. suffer in silence. help him get the girl he wants. cuz if you tell him and he doesn't like you back, then you risk losing the friendship that you share in the first place.
and when you don't, you just go on being friends, at least you'll still get to be THAT close to him. you'll still get to see him. laugh. share with him. like a friend. though you might want more... that desire has to be fulfilled at a cost. and i don't ever, ever, ever want to bear that cost.
cuz even if it's mutual, what if you break up? then what? then you'll be bitter. the beautiful memories you shared as friends is tainted with the bitter moments of the split. though it's not permanent anger but you will stop talking for awhile. some forever. then you lose even more. you lose a friend, a boyfriend, memories... it's just not worth it.
so my take is if you like a friend, keep it. just keep it.
and you say, what if it's mutual? and ends in marriage? and you live together? best friends in true deep love?
well that's a what if i don't think about. it's too perfect.
Jann Arden- You Don't Know Me
You give your hand to me and then you say hello
And i can hardly speak my heart is beating so
And anyone can tell you think you know me well
But you don't know me
No you don't know the one who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips longs to hold you tight
Oh i am just a friend that's all i've ever been
Cause you don't know me
I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy i let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh you will never know the one who loves you so
Well you don't know me
ok. time to reveal what little drama that was happening lately.
basically main characters kim, fiz, me and many many analyzers. things seemed funny over the past few days between me and two boys. then each gesture was analyzed by a panel of varied pals.
then i realized. he's just being nice. being a friend. for a first. we were too suspicious of him.
then when i realize he doesn't like me like that, i go on and start developing feelings like that for him. it's still in it's early stages so i can't say much. it might fade tomorrow. wait a while and check this space.
but ya. point is: when it seemed he liked me, i was hell bent on pushing him away. when i realized it was contrary, i started having feelings. goes to show i want only people i can't get. if you like me, sorry, i don't want. ignore me, treat me like dirt, and i'll worship the ground you tread upon.
i am such a sadist.
basically main characters kim, fiz, me and many many analyzers. things seemed funny over the past few days between me and two boys. then each gesture was analyzed by a panel of varied pals.
then i realized. he's just being nice. being a friend. for a first. we were too suspicious of him.
then when i realize he doesn't like me like that, i go on and start developing feelings like that for him. it's still in it's early stages so i can't say much. it might fade tomorrow. wait a while and check this space.
but ya. point is: when it seemed he liked me, i was hell bent on pushing him away. when i realized it was contrary, i started having feelings. goes to show i want only people i can't get. if you like me, sorry, i don't want. ignore me, treat me like dirt, and i'll worship the ground you tread upon.
i am such a sadist.