being obscure clearly.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

oooh come bite me

finally. my anemia is BAAAAAAAAAAAACK.

like a wart on the ass it's backed as promise.

like robocop. or was it arnold schwazenegger?

my face turns yellow, my eyes are yellow, everything's yellow i look like i'm jaundiced or i've been eating a thousand bananas.

i feel tired. typing. f this anemia. i just walked to the kitchen and back twice this morning and i felt faint. !!!!! anemia is a sick joke of an illness.

and i am not going to go to school looking like a banana.

but i will take advantage of this got- lesson- but- not- going day to go out with hafiz.

irresponsible? maybe.

but even if i go to class i will be twiddling thumbs for an hour, sit in chatterbox for an hour, then read through another person's smartassshit essay for two hours. hmm. that or toysRus.

hmm hmm tough choice.

hah.

p/s: i'll rest when i get back. in fact going out with hafiz constitutes resting too. anything but school for me. please.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

my time is running out

am back in my dorm for a lil' mug- a- mug before my soci test at 4 p.m.

slept at 5 a.m. and woke up at 7 a.m. am totally zombified but i deserve this.

just like i deserve not getting an A for history test and writing module essay.

i've been slacking and fooling around too much. i deserve all this.

but i am capable of better.

i refuse to let myself down. i don't want to go back to that state where i wallow in inertia watching the world go by.

i must i will i have to do well.

this is not the way to dean's list or 1st class honours.

i cannot shortchange myself. i cannot make my presence here a waste. no more rubbish from me.

no more fooling around or unnecessary outings. no more nothing.

i am going to WORK for those A's and if i don't get them, at least i know i worked HARD.

i cannot disappoint myself. no no no.

i shall join a sports cca, i shall study every weekday night, i shall earn my keep and i shall do all that i ought.

i've seriously gotta wake up to my idea. i have to realize that time is rattling on even if i choose to let it slide.

i must work. now.

and if anything comes in my way, i'll smack it away with a ten- foot pole.

i lost my momentum, but i will get it back.

i cannot let all i've worked, NO slogged for, for the past 2 years, go down the drain like this.

no no no.

"here we are at last. after all that we went through we finally got here. you and me as one in the eyes of every one that matters."- i know the day will come when i can say that. i can wait.

apparently i'm the USC resident "ahemmm." i have yet to find out what ahem is. harumph. gossip follows me everywhere i go! apparently i have a distinctive laugh and i am "flamboyant".

trust usp people to think i am flamboyant when there's people as flamboyant as a leaf in the wind elsewhere on campus. oh and OF COURSE there's speculation on me liking this or that. sigh. people. i am HAPPY SINGLE LARH. haiya.

and i've got people calling me up and saying "eh fiza... don't study so hard la... i pressure u know... i heard u've been working hard right..."

and i'm like.

ummmmmmm. uh- huh.

sheesh. let me like just CLEAR THE AIR HERE.

1- i am FAR from hardworking. i am just yaya busy. you know. doing irrelevant, unimportant, frivolous BUT fun things. NOT studying.
2- i do not like anyone on campus. so sorry to disappoint... but yeah. i mean come ON. reality check. i see no cute malays for me to chase. if i can be bothered to chase la to start with. which i'm not. so back to square one. no one to like + i don't wanna like nobody. am HAPPY the way i am thank you.
3- i am not a "flamboyant" or "wildchild" person. i don't club, i don't smoke, i don't drink. i am not a CHIONGSTER.
4- i am NOT dressing up everyday. god you know HOW MANY PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I ALWAYS DRESS UP TO SCHOOL?! and i'm like... i wear clothes like this all the time my dolls. it's not me who dresses up, all the clothes i have are like that anyway. and don't do that *point accusing finger* "EH YOU STAY AT HALL RIGHT?!!!! THEN HOW COME YOU DRESS UNTIL LIKE THAT???" people please. 1- i don't see the link between dressing up and staying on campus and 2- if you think i will EVER wear those silly FBT shorts and some yaya sports singlet thingy and slippers get- up, think AGAIN.
5- i am not popular. people just like waving at me when they see me. just because i wave alot don't mean nuts. it just means my wrists aches at the end of the day everyday. :)
6- i do not like LAREMY, NIANLONG, ABDULLAH LUQMAN, ANG YUCHEN or whatever other funny funny boys you see me hang out with. i hang out with many different boys. why? i don't know. cuz the girls don't do hanging out. they mug alot? i don't know la! they don't occur to me. but if i do get asked to lunch by the girls hey i'll go. and i do hang out with girls. kristy and nazreen. and i am chummy with zat. she's my dorm neighbour. it's just that i am seen more with guys maybe. huh. or they don't see me with girls often. or i got more guy friends. aiya you know the story with me.
7- i may look like i've seen and heard it all and maybe i have. but i believe vulgarities used interchangeably with the rest of your vocab or to fil in those spaces between your sentences e.g. it's like bloody farkin long!, it was like super defarkinlicious etc, is a sign of limited vocab. and despite how i seem, if you cuss out loud in front of me for the heck of it i might look shock sometimes. yeah oh wow. and ya. if i do cuss out loud, SHIT HAS HAPPENED. confirm.

k i've never done anything like this... i don't care what people think cuz thing about people is, they always wanna talk. always always always. so if ur talked about, it's just too bad. if it ain't you it's someone else. you cover one another opens. it's like that. and i grew up not caring what people think unless they matter.

and gossip- mongers usually don't. but hey if people start CALLING me up and telling me to STOP mugging when i'm NOT? weird. if EVERYDAY some tomdickharry or susanlisamary asks me "why you dress up to school one?", it gets on this thing i have called NERVES.

so read above 7 points. again and again. embed it into your head and never let it leave. i won't clear the air again next time. next time it gets all foggy and vague and unclear and full of GENERAL crap, am leaving it to it's own devices. let all the planes crash and all the birds fly in funny directions.

silly people. why must gossip? go shopping la! maybe that's why i can't be bothered to gossip. 1- i don't know enough to gossip on and 2- i prefer shopping. or reading. or sitting in the park. or studying HISTORY OF MATHEMATICS. whatever. you catch my drift.

so yea. those of you whole loves me for me, i thank you with all my heart and soul for getting to know me before judging me. for those who hate me, :). i'm sorry i entered your life. for those who don't know but have formulated opinions on me, i feel sorry for your loss. and for those who know me and still formulate judgemental or single- dimensional or stereotyped opinions of me, :). to each his own.

as always, i love my life. and there is nothing NO ONE can do to change that. so har dee har har.

Monday, September 27, 2004

am in my room now.

islam class just now was by Turkish men. haha. long story.

anypoots got a calligraphy of my name.... nice. show later.

now is supposed mug time. but look where i am. haaaaaaaiz.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

i really love my new baby. it's brown and it's curdoroy and it feels like melted cadbury chocolate on my skin. oh yummy life.

i had to buy hamzah's carebear at far east yesterday @ Far East... so when i was done i walked around.... and ended up with these in my hands. *widens eyes* I really really really don't know how it got there. really. i plead not guilty.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Sa- wat- dii kha!

being the narcissistic, cockanaden showoff that i am, i shall practice my THAI here. YES HERE. yes YOU rolling your eyes now i said HERE. so if you don't like that then BUGGER OFF cuz i don't like YOU TOO! hah!

k now that THAT is out of the way (nyeh!), let's move on.

di- chan kin kway teow leaw kha. leaw khun la?

di- chan chawp rian Thai Language (lol) kha. phror arai? phror sanuk maak...

di- chan bawk Johnny Depp jeng maak. Di- chan yaak Johnny Depp! tae di- chan chuur faen Hafiz Lim. Tae di- chan khit waa Hafiz Lim law thii sut.

oh hohohohoho. so fun. shit now must translate for you all. haha. k sentence by sentence k.

i have eaten kway teow. how bout you?

i like studying Thai Language. Why? Because it's very fun...

i say Johnny Depp is very cool. I want Johnny Depp! But i am the girlfriend of Hafiz Lim. (sort of? haha. i just needed a sentence.) But I think that Hafiz Lim is the most handsome of all.

hahahahaha.

ok. more thai later. now nap time.

zzz.

Friday, September 24, 2004

no matter how far i go in life, it seems i'll always come back to you. your love. and like an anchor in a stormy sea, i know you will always be there. thank you hafiz.

ade ke patut. tak sabar nak raya. kental ke kental fiza.hahaha.

all this raya songs... *sings*

i actually got 11 on my kazaa. :O which 1- isn't enough, but 2- e fact it's there makes me a sillybillygoogoo.

sigh.

i like hari raya man. it'sTHE most bittersweet day of my life calendar. hari raya. happy and sad. bitter joy. i like being sad, i noticed. most of the hari raya songs i like are like sad ones. heh.
but i am a sad soul. i mean deep inside. interesting discovery for you guys i guess. but i always knew it. don't know why it doesn't show.

well you can't go on in life moping and being depressing in general right?

but i realized that... yeah. i am a sad soul. :) "menjelang hari raya.... berakhirnya puasa....... suasana riang ria.... terlihat sini sana....." hahaha. puasa pun belum nak raya!!!!!!!! ah ah sial fiza.

oops. pjc statement. lol.

i guess i am a sad soul in general and it doesn't show because by and large i have so much to be happy about... as in superficially. i am pursuing a degree, i got "stuff" that many can't afford, i am not deprived of any love from my mom, i got a loving and close- knit family...

but somehow dealing with too many deaths at too young an age made me somewhat bitter? well no not bitter. somewhat... forlorn? ya. deep inside. a sad smile in my heart. looking forlornly at missed opportunities and loved ones, gone.

i guess that's how my soul became defined as sad... death. dying. mortality. life. such heavy questions that i considered and pondered on when i was just 13. maybe that's why i am the way i am.

not like i don't like the way i am. i think i am doing great, better than most even. god has been kind. he took away some, but gave me so much back in return. maybe if i wasn't an orphan i wouldn't feel such a drive to succeed. but then again all these questions are pointless cuz the what if's are so hypothetical and i'll never actually get the chance to turn back time and find out how i'll turn out with a dad.

sometimes i wish i could share my success with a dad of my own. not mums, not stepdads, but MY OWN dad.

i ask for so much from life sometimes.

sigh.

i hate when i go into these...... moods. all sad and melancholic. i hate pity. i never wanted any, cuz i never needed them. i never will.

i got this far on my own. all on my own. asides from God and my mum and my dad watching from far, i never asked for help from anyone. i guard my privacy and independence so fiercely sometimes it chokes my survival back in irony.

as always. life goes on.

i will always smile and be happy. that's part of me.but i will also always have a sad soul. that's an innate part of me.

i don't need to reconcile this apparent polarity.

the fact that they co- exist concurrently within me is proof that these two aspects of me are reconciled and happy with each other's presence.

i like my sad soul. it's soft and fragile and poetic and gentle like the sea breeze....

melancholic moments are often times where i am most real.

most vulnerable.

hence you won't see it often.

now this was an entry by melancholic soul. at 5:06 AM 9/23/2004, but this shall end here.

till i speak again. my sad soul departs.

fiza.

5:06 AM 9/23/2004

just one of my "me" moments... :) don't worry am not suicidal.

THESE are a compilation of Fiza's Dreamboys. Doug Robb of Hoobastank who is hoooo hoooo hot. John Peter Lewis of Am Idol 3 who was so spunkeh and mad; a lil like me, but i got nicer teeth. :D Ryan of The O.C. for his oh- so- beguiling eyes and smile- less face. yummy. Seth Cohen of The O.C too. He's darn funny and cracks me up. And those eyes too. Argh. Damn these O.C. boys and their eyes. Then there's Dean of Gilmore Girls. Cutie Alert! Yeah. So funny like Seth, Funkeh like JPL, Sweet like Dean, Tough like Ryan, Hot like Doug. Ok? Now if you satisfy all of the above, gimme a buzz and I'll check. ;)

Thursday, September 23, 2004

time check: 2.37 a.m.

i couldn't go to sleep so i decided i was hungry. yes. am SO simplistic sometimes. sleepy? no. k then must be hungry. no TV, then comic will do. yadayada. well yeah. anyway.

so i had no real food, e.g., instant noodle, bread, etc. (whoo i just burped and it smelled of... will tell you later.)

so went to my fridge. saw an apple pie i bought from yonks ago. when desperate, nothing matters. at this point i must add i am NEVER desperate but saying it makes this sound more dramatic so use it i will.

so i heated up my apple pie from yonks ago. made some hot milo to go with it. then took out some snack i had. some potato chip- ish thing. i was not satisfied.

i craved. just. CRAVED.

i opened my "pot" k fine JAR of Nutella & Skippy Peanut Butter with Raspberry swirls. i hesitated. (not being dramatic here i really did.) then i thought, hey, what the hell.

dip when finger. first into Nutella. then Skippy. Nutella Skippy Nutella Skippy Nutella Skippy Nutella Skippy Nutella Skippy. on and on.

till i felt duly satisfied. and i DID!!! in the end!! wonder of wonders! lesson to learn: NEVER question your food. just eat it. you never know, it just MIGHT hit the spot.

and boy did those things hit mine. i am now happy.

so i had alot of peanut butter and chocolate spread. scream at me unhealthy, diebetic, low calories, high in fat bla bla bla.... i am clogged up with nutella and guess what? i am happy and you're NOT so HAH.

my friends, you only live once. if you've never done it before. do it. before you die and go to heaven wondering what dipping into a jar of nutella at 2 a.m. while reading calvin & hobbes is like. do it, my friends, before it's too late.

and for those who have, i SALUTE you. we are the happy children.

i am on a sugar- high. i am insomniac. i am the most unhealthy thing awake right now, probably but i don't give a shit cuz HELL CHOCOLATE TASTES GOOD.

good night.

lalala.

3d2n stay.....

at HOME. haha. gotcha.

am back in pgp now... mug session awaits. tomorrow is le pizza hut with le cow on le pooters. whee! i think i love the vespa more than him. not like i love him in the first place but you know. aiya you don't la. basically i like pooters cuz she is a vespa. but mine will be nicer. mine will come. soon.

so sunday, supposed flea market day, saw me in zouk for about 30 minutes. 1stly- this time round, the flea market sucked.

2ndly- it was a long day by then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
highlights of sunday would include:

me in nian's car.

getting lost on our way to hotel rendezvous.

fetching dan & sending him to bugis.

me & nian screaming in hunger in the car.

nian letting go of steering wheel to the horror of me.

nian me & dan heading to changi.

same ol' three eating at changi village.

it rained. heavily. this three took cartons from the kind auntie and ran with these drinks cartons over their heads towards the carpark.

same three down the looooong road beside Changi Airport speeding in the rain and singing "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighway to hell." right.

same three at SAF Yatch Club.

daniel screaming damn that bus & wah lau eh the taxi and eh slow down slow down. just to take pictures. uhuh.

slow down slow down on a highway + nian turning to look at "geyser" = fiza dies.

upon nearing zouk, dan: WAA. TEMPLE. dan is a staunch catholic.

upon entering zouk, me & nian: Shit. You got cash?

upon leaving zouk. eh go queensway buy my sandals.

timecheck: 6.30 p.m. Dan: eh i got taekwando at 7. at SERANGOON.

never mind i buy sandals very fast.

eh no no no drop me here now bla bla bla.

k u must faster buy your sandal ok.

upon reaching queensway: this one? don't want. this one? don't want.

k that's it i'm off. bye guys.

so me & nian. finally got his sandals.

then he sent me to PGP.

and he ran a red light.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that was, highlights of my sunday. and all i wanted to do was go to the zouk flea market.

we plan. but God decides the rest. and don't forget, He sure has a sense of humour.

Monday, September 20, 2004

somebody kill me. when my heart beats triple time when i see him name online, kill me. when i smile when his name is mentioned, kill me. when i blush when they tease me about him, kill me. when i recall our mad times together and grin to myself, kill me. when i start becoming all girly- girly when i talk of him, kill me. when i read through our conversations and feel warm and fluffy like a pancake, kill me. basically just kill me.

innocent crush they say. the innocence of a crush killed by. killed by killing.

kill me kill me kill me. what innocence is there to this crush?

i just wanna kill myself.

i feel so silly. why didn't this happen to me when i was 12 or 14 or basically pre- pubescent? why now? when i'm bloody 19?

sheesh. it's a lil too late to have a girly schoolgirl crush ain't it.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

zouk flea market.... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

today is zouk flea & easy day. yay yay.

lalala.

and happy happy day it shall be.

i am sometimes too happy for my own good.

*wanders*

haha.

ya i am. painfully happy. painfully honest. painfully funny. at least i hope i am.

i don't have to own him to show i love him. i love him yes. but that doesn't equate to a relationship. why? 1stly, circumstances i.e. parents; doesn't allow for it and 2nsdly, i am very busy with schoolwork. too busy. for ANY guys at all. not just him. am not shutting you or pushing you away. there is no point in being in a relationship if we're not able to spend time with each other. if there's no possibility/ space/ time for development. then that's a secondary school- ish relationship. having a relationship for the sake of having one. to be able to say i own someone. i have a significant other. i am attached. oh YAY you attached person.

i can say oh no i'm single. not attached. but i have someone to love. i am in love. but oh no, i'm not attached. why? oh cuz well. i didn't you have to own someone to love him.

i have no problems with this arrangement. am happy and contented with my life. everyday something good happens or i learn something new. my utmost need now is satisfied. my priorities are different. i don't NEED a boyfriend. whatever it is a boyfriend does. i have lots of love around me. singlehood is not a problem or issue.

i love my life. NOW. as it is. cuz i don't need to lie to his parents all the time. i don't have to feel guilty when i go out with my friends or talk to boys. i can live my life by my own and MY alone, rules. i like that.

i am a very independent person. extremely. i believe that guys who have no confidence in themselves should stay away from me. cuz i don't do that whole oh i am so in love you thing everyday. nono. and i do go out alot with friends- and this are people spanning all ages time place n sexuality. so i'm not going to be lil miss muffet or betty crocker. i am, by nature, a lone soul. i LIKE solitude. i enjoy hearing to my own breathing, my music, my own voice in my head- saying this at the risk of sounding dangerously psychotic but oh well.

i was born and bred to learn to survive alone. i am the only child. even my parents couldn't decide my life for me. at 3 i decided that they should call me "kakak" (elder sis) and not "adik" (younger sis) cuz then i would get a younger sister. that's my theory. i like making my own decisions. if it calls for it, i'll ask your opinion. more often that not, i don't.

i am painfully honest. i don't do the whole shy- shy beat about the bush thing. i am honest and straighforward. i call it like i see it. i call a crush a crush a guitar a guitar n not gweetar. or whatever. this is probably why each time i like a guy i end up telling them first that i like/ liked them. but i state it like a statement, a fact of life, no biggie. i don't do these confessions to dig out if they reciprocate or to freak them out. i just let it out. then hush. if i am breaking up with you cuz i think you're silly dumb immatured and can't spell, i'll tell you just that.

so live with that. if you can't then don't. that's me. i don't do this fight for the one you love thingamajick. if there's one aspect of my faith i believe too strongly in, it's fate & destiny. i think everything's meant to be. everything's a done deed. it's all just waiting to happen. aside from that, i also can't be bothered to hassle with fighting for something. anything at all. if a girl ever says she likes my boyfriend and think he deserves better or anything of that sort, my words are always nak? nak amik. translation: you want? you want then take la. yes. am not being bitchy or nonchalant bout my boyfriend. if she really thinks it then go ahead. if he thinks so too, even better for them. as for me, i'll be contented with an apology and a let's stay friends. then i'll bum off to go for a movie or buy a book. simple.

i'm alot of things. alot. i like alot of things. i am usually headily passionate about the most nonsensical things- that is to you it's nonsensical. you being boys. yeah. i love beatles cuz i grew up with them. they are a symbol of a family heirloom to me cuz my cousin in msia was the first person to teach my my first beatles song. so far from being an attempt to seem retro, my love for beatles run much deeper than that. i love my beatles and my family and esp. my cousins in msia. so don't go whining on me if i just bum off to msia in the middle of the month cuz i miss them. i do that. carpe diem. this is prolly why i should stay single for this yr too. i sense alot of potential bumming ard the world. kl, pd, thailand...

i do sports, i watch wrestling, i read like a pig, i like nature, i love fort canning park, i like music, i like ballet, i love singing along to songs, i enjoy dancing, i wear dresses and skirts, i wear heels, i own more skirts than jeans, i don't really like pink, i like quirky romance, i love colours, i like flowers, i like chocolates, i play soccer, i watch soccer, i feel for underdog athletes, i like snapping pictures, i draw sometimes, i write poetry, i write prose, i write plays, i admire intelligent people, i love the beach, i like tanning, i like building sandcastles with my loved ones, i love running along the shore, i like watching the sun rise or set, i like long bus rides, i like cats, i love babies, i like to be treated like a soft sweater at times, i am stubborn, i like to be treated like a lady, i love shopping, i love sitting down for coffee & chat, i like poetry readings, i do volunteer work, i dance in public if i want to, i study hard, i also procrastinate alot, i like town, i like watching people, i like good- looking people, i like smart people, i like funny people alot,

there's alot to me. really. alot. that's just a short list i could come out with for now. the earlier paragraphs are in defense of my current status with hafiz. i am happy with it. i'm not having my cake and eating it. i am not asking him to stay and wait for me, he's free to go if he wants. neither have i stopped loving him. the relationship isn't there. that's all. so all you people desperate for me to get a boyfriend or a date or whatever, just leave me alone. if i need a date i'll get it myself. not necessarily from hafiz. or whoever. just let me be.

am gonna head down to Flea & Easy soon. oh and there's a grp blog in the making. watch this space.

i love my life and there's nothing you can do to change that.

starbucks threesome pagal hai teramat sangat

no you're not supposed to get that unless you're farhana and farhanah from Mendaki YIA. no i'm not talking to imaginary friends. oops ouch oi hey oww sorry hoi!

hahaha. do not bother trying to comprehend what is beyond you. e.g. the above, is beyond you. :)

today was a good day. symposium went well but le cow did not come. however, a hundred (ok fine 70) from his alma mater did and BOY were they ANNOYING.

"Uh you were a student's union president right? Well we at Victoria would like to make full use of our time after our promos. So what do we suggest we Victorians do? What can i do for my fellow Victorians?" - VJC Council Prez to Dr Viv Balakrish.

ack. there's just something about the way he posed the question that was... uhh... i don't know. somehow it sounded like the voice of god speaking to his children of the corn. ???

moving on. ushering went fine. i have a total crush on alfian sa'at. he was so soft- spoken and mild and he kept pushing his hair back like a 10- yr- old boy will when he's pushing his hair back while playing capteh in the afternoon. haha. anyway. ya. he's sweetness. smiled at me several times... aww. he's really a cultured man and i respect him for that. but i didn't go approach him like the others did. i mean, what can i say? "oooooh. wow. i like the way you talk. it's like really... uhhh... nice. ya."

haa. NOT HAPPENING.

met dewen the boy gail has been desperate for me to meet. cuz he is a mix of laremy & purple boy so i'll like him. according to her. haha. my lovelife moderator, she is.

anyway he's ok. nice. didn't get to talk much cuz, well, i WAS on duty. ushering. n ogling at alfian. i mean. nono. ushering and you know. mingling. socialize. whatever.

no crystal pau. *pouts* the world is eveil.

then it was asian civilisation museum for islam class field trip. quite fun. had turkish ice- cream. luq's treat. :P such a sweetums. carried my bag too after much wheedling. hahaha. was too lazy. simple. though i usually don't like boys carrying my bags, in a museum or anywhere where i want to touch touch feel feel, a bag gets in the way. haha.

then we miled around... till 6- ish. then we all split around while i waited for the farhana + farhanah. sat by the singapore river and read "the world according to mimi smartypants." finished it. :) i like. anyway that was a beautiful moment of today. one of the many. had 3 official ones. (?) lol.

sat by the river... reading... watch water flow... kids running... people snapping pics... laughter... peace. quiet. me. world.

then wandered around a little... then in front of cafe society there was a saxaphone performance by this indian dude. he was gooooood. the sun was just setting, the sky a purplish- black... and then saxophone rhythms echoing down the stretch of the river... imagine that. it was a fantastic feeling. i can't describe it.

then at 7 the ladies arrived. we sat at the back of a.c.m., on some steps. in front of cafe society. chatted laughed everything. nice nice nice.

at one point two cops walked past. 1- they wore long- sleeves which somehow tickled us silly, and 2- one of them took off their cap thing or whatever you call it. and i just exclaimed "eh eh asal rambut dia cacat?" translantion: eh eh why is his hair so retarded?

he heard. and he turned. and i died. hahahaha. (yes today is a day for fiza get into trouble with people by making smart remarks too loudly.)

spent the next 30 minutes contemplating if they'll walk back and charge me for something or scold me or take down my particulars. was quite nervous. or maybe i was just fidgety. uhh.

then decided we were to hungry to go on sitting on steps which had NO CUSHIONS. NO CUSHIONS! like how could there be no cushions? i mean come on these are STEPS man. you GOT to have cushions. it's so darn uncomfortable you know those cement things it's made out of. hahaha.

took train to town. laughed and walked our way to constant craving. on our way there, we decided that next time one of us stepped on one of our feet, we will say eh or oi. then the stepper must say oops. or sth. anyway it was fun. well it kept us entertained. goes to show we walk to close together also. haa.

then the second fiza moment. as we exited the underpass at ck tang, i saw a buch of mats walking towards us. and of them, I SWEAR, was wearing a blue baju melayu. like really. baju melayu. which doesn't make sense. don't ask me why. it goes against my law of nature. so i said "is it just me or is it hari raya?"..... JUST AS WE WALKED BY THIS GROUP OF MATS. .............

apparently they had a rebuttal but it was obviously incomprehensible, and more importantly, irrelevant and insignificant. why? cuz in this world only I matter. muahaha. k anyway.

yes. fiza did a fiza.

then in c.c me and farhanaH couldn't stop bobbing to the songs. there was la luna, one more time, and god knows what else. bon jovi groove armada all sorts. then we kept bopping up and down. when i paid for my food the guy who was replacing abg yazid said "i'm glad to see you and your friend was enjoying the music! it's so rare to see such girls! here's your change! thank you! come again!" yeah.

then it was STARBUCKS. where all hell, as always, breaks loose.

we were laughing (we don't do giggling) for a grand total of 10 minutes and moved seats before we finally STOOD UP. then another 3 minutes before we actually ordered. but i guess starbucks people are used to mad girls. or just us mad girls.

then picked up I-S. farhanah picked up Teenager which could be solely blame for the madness that ensued.

we were picking on all the nonsense fads in the mag. then realized the cinonek next to us was wearing em. the converse sneaks that were "Choice of The Month!" (this was JULY'S issue) and the oh- so- common- and- totally- unauthentic VON DUTCH tee. wahaha. the couple then moved seats. we wonder why.

then i decided it'll be funny to read out loud those dear kelly crap. it was. very. funny. farhanah read this OUT LOUD: "i had a threesome."

.........

then there was a "To: Nuts. You are NOT nuts." ......... well duh kel.

then it went on. but that was freaking funny. haha. the night went on with that general tone. i started reading those letters as monologues complete with tearful voices and *awwww*s. yesyes. the things that makes us happy.

this was 2nd beautiful moment. sitting there laughing with friends. :)

then walked back to train station. took the train back. whereby i decide that farhanah was pagel, i am pagel-ler, and farhana is pagel- lest. pagel is mad is hindi. yesh.

then i couldn't stop saying teramat sangat. so everything we said had teramat sangat. like "oh crap i wanna pee. teramat sangat." hahaha.

train ride was fun. we were standing near the doors then at one station the door opened and that hot air thing happened. you know. hot air blowing at your face. and it messed up my fringe. and i flickered my hand at the opened door and said "like goddamit will you stop blowing my hair around?"

haha.

can't remember anything else. aside from all 3 of us wanting to pee and all 3 of us not able to stop saying oi or oops or hoi.

then finally buona vista. where i was alighting. the train stopped. but the door didn't open. so i knocked on the glass three times. and it OPENED! much to the amusement of the other passengers in the train but i don't care. nus shuttle bus service was OVER and i had a long walk to go for.

dropped at kent ridge terminal then started my nice languid long walk back to pgp. i think i'm the only person i know who could have enjoyed that walk that killed my legs. i thought alot... smiled... wondered out loud...

that was 3rd beautiful moment of tonight. having some "me" time. long overdue, but at last i got it.

so i sang... walked... huffed and puffed and i blew the house down!

no actually i didn't. i just sang alot. then i imagined what it'll be like to go on a "typical date." i imagine it'll be nice. but only as a first date. and only once.

maybe flowers or chocolates. at my door. maybe meet my mum. maybe at my dorm. then walk down from my place. get a CAB. (note: not bus/ mrt/ walk. CAB. or better, own transport.) head to a place he had decided on, asked my opinion of and hence agreed on. have dinner/ lunch/ any meal. then he pays for it. without a question. but it's understood on e next date, if there's one, it'll be dutch or my treat instead. the world is fair. then he asks me "movie, beach or park?"

if movie, he knows a perfect time cuz he looked up online already. if beach, he drives there or we talk a long bus ride. (note: i don't ask for TOO many cab rides.) if park; it's prolly nearby and we walk there and chat merrily.

then at the end of it all he sends me back. method of transportation doesn't matter here cuz i prolly would have had a good time. then he walks me to my DOOR. says good night, i had a good time yadayada. me yes i had a good time too thank you yadayada.

see. perfect. now. this only works with the following pre- requisites:
1- he is a new boy. e.g. not a person i've ever dated before. THAT'S what i mean by FIRST date.
2- he must be relatively new in my life. e.g. i have not known him long hence this date serves its purpose as to get to know him better.
3- he must be interested in me and not just in need of company. i.e. if he's bored on a saturday night, i'm not that plan b or back- up plan you have in mind or *smack*

that's pretty much it. this only applies to first dates other than that am a simple lass with simple needs. most importantly make me laugh. he who makes her laugh is an angel. :)

ok. this was a terribly long entry. enjoy it. now i shall end with a quote from mimi smartypants, me newest best friend and bedtime companion. she is so me.

"Everything falls apart, everything crumbles, everything rots. But everything looks really interesting in the meantime." - The World According to Mimi Smartypants.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

today was date day.

me and monsieur mungen. according to him that sounds german. i shall not comment.

bought me sausage mcmuffin. then at last after some lazing around... we departed from NUS vicinity. to bugis. no harold kumar. to cineleisure. no harold kumar. finally to lido. yes harold kumar. yes goes fiza.

ate at dahlia's. wasn't so hungry so just nibbled some of his kway teow.

then 3.45 was movie. it rocked. i had fun. it's BLARDY FARNY.

ya. lotsa marijuana and stoning and brainless crap. i like.

cuz that's like everyone i know pretty much. ooh. eh. erh. heh.

then after movie was meeting with USP people... finally. tmr. the long- awaited, much- planned USC Symposium 2004 takes place.

lalalala.

am also in a happy mood cuz someone, A GUY, finally told me i'm pretty. like straight up to the face, not to woo me, or be nice, or whatever.

but just stating a fact. to him la. he thinks so so he told me so. like matter- of- factly. no beating round the bush or grinning or all that nonsense. just some straight talk.

nice. am impressed.

told le cow how i used to wonder if i should like him and decided against it. talked stuff out and now am at a "higher" level of friendship. deeper meaning + understanding of each other. good la. i enjoy our friendship. he's funny and let's me say whatever i want. e.g. forskinned cow.

ummmm. ya.

moving on.

tmr. symposium. formal wear. fiza.is.sad. sob.

tmr. symposium. wake up at 6. fiza.is.sad.so.she. sobs. again.

tmr. symposium. le cow is coming. fiza.is.hehehehe.

moo. oops. shit. i shan't start or i'll never stop.

good night my people. wish me luck. for dunno what also la but what the heck. no one ever died from too much luck did they?

Friday, September 17, 2004

the all- too- famous COW i often speak of. :) that's laremy aka lalamy aka moomoo aka snortacious aka sexy. he snorts, moos, crus (?), and makes any other animal noises you want him too. or don't want him too. he's short, voluntarily bald- no he doesn't have cancer or anything of that sort; and he is extremely funny and makes me laugh alot. n he has a vespa called pooters. ok? so tis is laremy who is an angel cuz sometimes he sends me to places on pooters. all together now! *aaaaw*

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

la la la.

lala..

hehe.

nvm.

happy.

shopped. ate. shopped. stuff. clothes. shirt. stuff.

zouk flea market this sunday. awaits.

hehe.

happy happy fiza.

oh yes.

today is also a revolutionary day cuz after several discussions with the philosphical cow, i realized that there is no The One.

yes. i no longer believe in The One.

nope.

there's alot of suitable candidates to be the one, it's up to you to choose that someone and make him/ her perfect to you.

you see him as perfect.

you work at the relationship.

that's when perfection comes.

when efforts comes in.

yea.

no The One. whoa.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

happiness is a warm gun.

so anypoots. am back. in my dorm. it feels like it has been a long day. has it? i guess it so. butabeautifulgorgeouslylongday.

so i woke up at eleven. i didn't study history yesterday. i went for a run at 1 a.m. with the guys and i saw "stuff" near lt11/ Blk Adm. so yea. was pretty freaked so i didn't sleep till it was say... 5 or so.

when i woke up i thought i'll go school early a lil to study some history then go malay lect then sit through it reading up for history test. then study from 2- 4 p.m.

RIGHT from the START i was sidetracked. i'm jinxed cursed whatever. but i'm happy.

kris beckons at 10 a.m. lunch? ok. at eleven. seeya at gecks.

while at gecks... freezing my butt. the cow beckons. islam classs notes? any calculus stuff? long cock story short... i ended up in the library with him since he said it was more comfy than freezing my butt in gecks. which, to his credit, wasn't an entire lie.

but study we did not.

as it always is with the cow, we ended up talking. ALOT. alot. alot. till say 2. then went to bizad for kebab (me) and tom yam soup (him).

then went back to central libe where i realized i had only 25 minutes left to revise a little before i'll be late for history lecture and consecutively, test.

chatted a little, read a little (very)... then LT11 beckons.

did the test. all i can say is thank god i recall sepoy mutiny. if it was the wrong country i was talking about, i was so screwed.

but nope. was right. so back to pgp to change up and meet hana in town for CONSTANT CRAVINGS!!!! :D

yupyup. miss that place. poor makcik was doing a one- man show cuz abg yazid so fiza the ex- waitress to e rescue while waiting for hana to arrive. that was fun. table clearing, setting forks n spoons... nice. i really should own a cafe of my own.

then ate SEAFOOD SPAGHETTI. hehe. for a change. yup. played with ilhan a little, of course... then off to starbucks where the twins gave me poor service and khairin sounded like a wheezing mickey mouse. did i like them once? sheesh.

so anyway. went to borders. check this out. i bought a BEATLES cd, a POLKADOT pen, and that chick lit UK writer book... the world according to mimi smartypants. :) and i paid with my debit card. sign sign no more key in pin. whee hee hee.

k then. i realized it was pretty late. worry worry. NOT.

first thing out of borders i msged the cow trying to sound as sorry and pathetic as possible. (which isn't difficult cuz after last night i am truly freaked bout walking back.) so i went sth like...

"lalamy! am so sorry but i need a huge huge gigantic favour i'll buy your lunch even but anway i'm still in town and by the time i'm on campus the shuttle bus service would have ended you know where this is heading right yes i'm so sorry i urgently need a ride from you or else i'll simply die walking back to pgp. can?"

note: no punctuations, panic- striken rambling, dramatic language. :)

THE ANGEL NOT ONLY FETCHED ME... HE FETCHED ME AT BUONA VISTA MRT... AND HE ONLY GRUNTED THROUGH SMS... AND HE DOESN'T WANT THAT FREE LUNCH. * collective gasp*

disclaimer: but apparently he would claim it for a separate favour. in future. hmm. so mysterious sounding. i wonder what it could be...

so now am back in dorm safe n sound. well not really he was in a hurry so he sped and nearly ripped my head off my neck but fortunately all's fine. then he was so annoying i decided to shift shift on the bike. which scared the ninny out of him. now now. the things that makes us happy... hahahaha.

so yeah.

dorm. mimi smartypants. rest. no readings. much deserved break.... :)

...................

history test tomorrow.

am chatting on msn, reading polly, singing to beatles, flipping through my beatles lyrics book,

anything but read history.

dean's list my arse.

i must must must do it!

argh. will burn midnight oil to torture myself for this level of laziness.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Clickety Click!

so apparently that quiz i took told me my Mr Right is 50% of Mr Fun- Loving, 40% of Mr Sensitive and 10% of Mr Confident. 0% of Mr Sporty. ALMOST there. but i would think there is SOME percentage of Mr Sporty in my Mr Right.

and you know what that means?

i am cockanadenly fickle.

i want EVERYTHING. know why? cuz i'm everything. no i'm not being a cockanaden. lemme explain.

i like the arts. i like poetry, plays, theatre, literature, designing, colours, et al.
i like sports. i played rugby, soccer, badminton, swam competitively, ran competitively, indulge in mad sprints and runs when i feel like it.
i like learning. i like questioning the world and all in it. i like intelligence.
i am confident. cuz though i know i'm short skinny monkey- looking flighty yadayadayada i rarely give a damn what people think of me cuz hey. no one's perfect neither am i. i know it and embrace it.

so i am alot of things. so my Mr Right must be alot of things too right?

not a carbon copy of me, but at least as DIVERSE as me.

this leads to fickleness. diversity, i mean.

najib- i like cuz he's fashionable, he's smart, he does sports, he's cool, calm, collected, CONFIDENT. which i am sometimes. especially when alone.

the cow- i like cuz he's crazy, he's smart, he's fun, he indulges in sports, he likes Beatles and makes me laugh. which is always a plus point for anyone. anyone who makes fiza laugh is an angel.

hafiz lim- i like cuz he's sensitive, loving, sweet, gentle, funny, does sports, smart, likes rawk meuzeek \m/, tolerant, patient. which is almost all of the above. fun- loving, sporty, sensitive.

hafiz roslee- i like cuz he's gentlemanly, he's big, he's funny, he's fashionable, he's bitchy, he's always there for me. height matters for me.

so this what does this leads to? yes, class, say it with me. FICKLENESS.

so when i feel like a rock star hafiz is my knight in shining armour.
when i get materialistic and it's all bout the money and clothes y'all, it's najib.
when i get all gobbled by work and feel like i'm drowning in notes, hafiz roslee is my lifesaver.
when i feel like a laugh, i just think of laremy's face. hahaha.

so. when i feel like all of the above, i.e. rockish, shopaholic, stressed and in need of laughter, what happens???

yes class. i get fickle. so i go thru crushes on all types of boys in the course of a week.

PLUS. i'm attentive to details. so say boy A has been decided as the crush for the day. and the next day on MSN he's there but he ignores me/ chats with me for an EXTREMELY short time/ doesn't make me laugh etc, i'll decide that the crush is off. simple as that.

so that means the crush can last as short as 12 hours.

EXTREME FICKLENESS ALERT.

that aside, i know who i want to marry. who i want as a husband. but the future holds alot for us so i shall not jinx it. let nature takes its course.

at the same time i enjoy laughing and having a "school crush" cuz that gives me something to look forward to. e.g. finding out minute details of his life. kinda like a stalker but less scary. haha.

so till the next class, just remember that fiza is fickle.

so come tomorrow or even 12 hours later, she might just tell you to ignore THIS entry as she has done so so many times previously.

thank you class for your kind attention, enjoy the rest of the weekend.

*bell ring*

Saturday, September 11, 2004

ignoring the previous entry would be wise

today was mendaki awards presentation. 600 smackeroos in the bank soon. whee.

manny must survive. must must must.

JI are getting ridiculous.

there's a married couple in Med Fac. the girl was so small and funny an YOUNG it was hard to swallow that she was a WIFE.

i remembered someone told me. W.I.F.E; Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.

ah well. at least they're happy. and not living a sinful life.

it must be glorious to have such security and sureness at such a young age.

anyway am in dorm this weekend cuz of the essay due monday and history test coming on tuesday. sigh sigh sigh.

hafiz says my studying is obscene. haha. said i scare him + am reminding him of me last year.

he's lying. i was worse last year.

anyway i enjoyed myself today. had dinner with mum n stepdad at suntec pizza hut.

bought pearl earrings n cheap clothes. which always makes me happy. :D

crush on najib is fading fading. am thinking if i can convert some people here to muslims. they should embrace this beautiful faith.

ah well.

uhm.

should get them circumcised also.

cows with excess foreskin are scary, disturbing...

and extremely funny. :)

love u loads.

nothing's changed.

just enjoying this time... before we get together. finally. for real. k? i want you to have fun too.

and YOU stupid cow. haha. you're funny. i like. thanks for being as crazy as me as funny as me as mad as me,
if not more.

k r & r now then MUG session. am somehow beginning to enjoy this. seriously. i must have been destined to be those geeky career women who goes to SDU and has to have the govt coercing them to get married.

Friday, September 10, 2004

what if i fall for you?

i hate liking friends. so complicated.

it's all in my head. i think too much.

i like you la. i know. but as a friend.

i don't want it to be anything else ok.

i hope it's just me. usually if this things become mutual..... all hell breaks lose.

worse. there's like... two... or three... or god knows how many of you.

friends k? FRIENDS.

lalalala friends. sing song hold hands skip merrily to school friends.

sigh.

messy messy. not yet. but i foresee it. don't want la k... hahaha... i'm such a screwball already... don't come near... am combustible...

as you would like to say or we would like to say i'm a self- sustaining fireball... or explosive reaction... or whatnots. i hate how i read your mind sometimes. how we read each other's mind and complete each other sentences. i wish i could say i saw this coming but i didn't. but nothing will happen la. nothing IS happening too. aiyo. i'm talking like a split multi highway.

then you. i shouldn't care so much. and i don't! but i do a little more than i prolly have to. but it don't matter cuz it's just this sisterly- brotherly bond that we share. i know we won't go anywhere too. but it scares me sometimes. thank god you're borderline funny- looking. haha. i'm sorry. but it does help. makes you less attractive in that sense. i wish you all the happiness you deserve cuz you are such a fantabulous person. :)

the rest are minor cases... but that's the problem with fiza. too many guy friends. i love platonic friendships but it's hard to make out the line sometimes.

but i'm fine. just being cautious. something i didn't do in the past and look where THAT got me. so now i'm more careful.

i see us nearing a mess and i acknowledge it and sidestep it. so yes. *sidestep sidestep*

madness.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

she: so... how was the army? did you boys have fun? *ala paris hilton*

he: *rolls eyes* fuck it, i don't ever want to talk about the army.

though i find that borderline rude considering they never met before, i like him for rolling his eyes.

disgust VS desire. attraction VS repulsion. sexiness VS crudeness. mysterious VS arrogance.

gothic lit concepts are coming back to bite me in the ass.

a lil' something something that gets me by... dreaming a lil' dream...

i've imagined the warmth of your hug
the warm breath of you
sighing
or saying hello
your thick warmth
enveloping
your arms wrapped
around me
creating that false sense of
security
to just sink into
your warmth
and let you take me in
your two hands clasping
each other
and resting on my back
while i just take you in
breathe in your warmth
hug you
just hold you
and feel you
holding me.
my head nestles in your chest
your head just resting on
mine
feel your lips in
my hair
when you say hello.
i imagined this one hug...
the most perfect moment
of love.

how glorious will it be... to be in your arms... i imagine you to be a thick warm wooly sweater... who just envelops around me... just letting me and you be one... just a moment, a few seconds, maybe a minute... of me taking in your warmth... just standing with you... being in your arms... which wraps around me... locking me into your grasp... i just want that warmth. to have you make me feel like i'm the most precious and fragile thing in your world that you have to hold me so warmly and gently at the same tight so tightly cuz you're so afraid to let go. i want that hug.

warm and enveloping and everything. you'll be my thick loving sweater. you in your jeans and tee and jacket. hug. niceness.

one day The One for me will hug me and i will feel all that i feel up there and i just know i'll have to marry him just so that i can get a warm loving hug everyday. :)

i love hafiz.

there was never a question to that.

but the more i pull it together the more it seems like i'm losing my grip.

sometimes i wish i could just wrap you in bubble wrap so that you can never be hurt.

especially not by me.

i think i love you too much.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

am using qingru's lappie to type this entry cuz my lappie has gone beyond bonkers, beyond belief, beyond my patience.

anyway last night and tonight are mug nights. so... yeah.

6- 10 pm are spent at the library mugging.

yeah... bring back memories of a levels and somehow that makes me happy. haha.

midterm tests coming... lotsa essays dued... lotsa readings still not photocopied... yes yes fiza is your ever eternal unprepared blur queen...

dumdeedadeeda.

wrote a thingy thingy bout my dream boy just now. but it's long and i'm in the library so i wouldn't want to do it now. haha.

anyway am suffering from najibness.

oh APPARENTLY he's in NUS Hockey Team. ........................

what's with me and hockey boys ah? dammit.

oh well. see.

this is why i refuse to get to know a guy who is of admirable quality. cuz first... he's god. cuz he was smart and he was tall and dark and handsome and yadayada.

now he's demi- god cuz excuse me for being human but i do not like hockey. rich coming from me but whatever.

soon.................

he'll be a mere mortal. and where will that leave me?

crushless.

back to square one.

hence gods shall remain on that high threshold where i place them. and please don't tell me any retarded facrs bout my gods...

they're hard to come by as it is.

k back to HY1101E. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeei.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

k am back in my dorm and using my beyond anything laptop. i believe in tough love.

anyway, crushing is fun. crushing the crushee isn't.

he has fallen to a demi- god state.

soon.

he'll be nothing but a distant memory of perfection.

oh yea.

poem thingy coming up. heh. kinda shy. been awhile since i wrote poems...

and this is more statements joined together rather than poem.

but i like it so i'll post it besides what defines a poem? hmm hmm hmm?

k seeya.

Monday, September 06, 2004

am watching friends now.

sob.

it's so sad.

shit.

i hate crying.

hahaha.

and phoebe is so crazy. hahaha. i'm a cross between phoebe/ chandler.

cuz i talk crazy or talk Bing. like, can the bus BE any slower?

haha.

k i'll shut up.

ahh. nice day. will mug soci now then make myself some nice sandwiches for supper.

toodles smiling world.

can i just say i am extremely against those militants who blew up the elementary school in russia? i despise, loathe, hate, dislike, anyone who calls killing 200 over innocent CHILDREN proving a point. POINT MY ASS.

i saw "purple boy"!!!! oh the joy. and my birthday cake from USP people was a cheesecake. yumyum. had fun. :)

purple boy is cute. NOT MAT. yc said he was. but yc is blind so it doesn't matter. purple boy is cuteness!

the cake. so nice. got flower. haha. so yeah. that was my two- day birthday celebration. tomorrow will be me & nus people celebrating. yeah the party never ends. no blog entries... i think the pictures speak for themselves. i had a fantastic time... thanks everyone! God bless.

the family at satay club. yep. that's my mini cake ur looking at. with one cute lil candle.

the fattening girl in haagen dazs esplanade...

my dunno number what gift from mum.a tee with a lass on a vespa... :D her words: "bile la nak stop beli... dah 19 tahun pun masih beli..." translation: when will you stop buying? 19 yrs old alrdy still buying... haha. DUH.

halfway through... hahaha. puketacular.

my second cake. YUM. choc fudge cake fantasy from haagen dazs. slurp.

2nd day of celebrations... mum and me headed to esplanade. check out the disco lion.

my gift to myself. an orange curdoroy bag from topshop. :D loooooove it.

the gift that made me scream the loudest. hahaha. BEATLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the boy gave me an afroed lass with bumblebee glasses who loves blue. now who does that sound like??? :D oh he also gave me two mrs field cookies which is no longer in a picturesque condition now. *i.e. i ATE it, not mashed it*

butterfly bracelet from kak za.... PRETTTTTY! more butterpalat accesories for moi. hee.

the watermelon bag a.k.a beg semangka from hana and farhan... oh and it come with.....

this cross- stitched pouch that has a pretty girl with plaits and flowers named fiza who says "shit happens." oh and it comes with 9 mars bars. :D

the party minus kris. love the retro look of the shop! man...

the full party of nine.

REALLY wild.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

birthday girl gone wild...

i was attacking my cake.

and THEN the madness began...

the card from the two buds from gess.di n bananarama- gosh u guys just KNOW what will make scream duncha.

the cake. drool people drool. choc mousse from polar. yumyum.

lalalalalalalalalalala *blow* "make a wish eh make a wish oi make a wish eh make a wish already or not eh must make wish!" yes yes people. i did. hahaha.

kak za's fish & chips. *grins*

hadi's shitake mushroom. looks good from where i am!

hafiz's, kristy's and bananarama's seafood spag. mmmmm.

my dory.

me n kak za. my cousin's girlfriend. she's like transforming into a prettier and prettier thing everytime i see her. next thing i know she'll be Singapore's Next Greatest Model. hehe.

me n moi bestest + oldest friend. :D

lilies from darling kristy. they're gorgeous and blooming in my dorm now. now my room smell of lilies and reminds me of angela carter's story... aiya forgot the title. you know.. the one with the "lily- man."

me and first guest for the day... ;)

me in front of the venue for thebash. :) my look for the day: RAWK. \m/

Saturday, September 04, 2004

wheeeeee hee hee. as promised. ice- cream smeared oakley glasses. oh the joy. :) even HE looks happy. hahaha. and you should be able to barely make out the all- important ice- cream cone there on the top lefthand corner. in his hand. which was the limb that shoved the cone into his eyes in the first place. with the external force of mine of course. khekhe.

hence my horror. SAILORMOON is his way of expressing happiness. -_-

his final FAILING attempt to give me a happy pose. a sailormoon peace sign pose. THAT'S the best he's got...

me expressing disappointment at his disability to look happy. my mum's words: "mak oi buruk nah." yes mum. i love you too.

his second (futile) attempt at a happy face. his words: "shit i look like an idiot man." uhuh. whatever you say darl.

me showing him an example of a happy face.

i told him to make a happy face. THIS is what he calls a happy face. i can see his tonsils. can you?

the boy banging his head on the table when the RV kids nearby refused to SHURDUP.

lalalalala *hop*lalalalala *hop* oooh lookie lookie lookie it's 4th September... whee!

today was a good day. today was 3rd september ok, not 4th. just in case. :D

woke up to go pj to collect cert. met hafiz. :)))

waited for him to go for prayers then met him at the loooooong road down to the contraption of a building.

ms norien johari was as excited as i was to collect my cert. maybe more. haha.

took it. it's a babe of a cert, if you ask me. wahaha.

then went to atas bukit to eat cheeken rice with him. heh. all the memories... :) he had laksa. and we talked about everything... told him about school so he won't be missing out on much next time we talk...

then he went to for his driving prac and i went westmall. met him again at 5. sat at mac.

he bought a cone ice- cream which in hafiz's world technically means weapon of fiza destruction or annoyance.

he offered me that wretched thing, then he dabbed it on my nose. THEN he realized he didn't take serviettes. fiza usually dies at this point of time but couldn't be bothered to this time round and just continued reading her paper, which made hafiz worried, so he took out his supposedly clean towel and wiped my nose.

OF COURSE that is not enough. he decides to threaten to blob fiza's left eye with ice- cream. threaten is the keyword here.

i threatened to pour coke on him. when fiza threatens it's rarely a joke. ;)

he mocked me. by going "ooh i'm so scared". then he waved the ice- cream cone in the general area of his eye, daring me to shove it into his left eye as he had threatened to do to me.

when fiza is dared, fiza does.

so blob went ice- cream on hafiz's left eye and left oakley glass lenses. WHEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got some on his eyebrow too. *smirks*

he wiped his eyebrow but 5 minutes of wheedling managed me to get him to put back on those smeared glasses and take a PICTURE!!!!!! which he made me swear to not post here but i just went "auuuuuuuuuuungh!!!!!!!!!!" like that was a very painful decision.

as such, you will see the pic. :D

then mum joined us... wandered around and mum bought me my first birthday gift, an embroidered phone pouch. :) prettttttttty.

hafiz left in a while... while mum and me continued to search for my birthday top. YES. every birthday i need new top/ bottom/ both. :P yes yes yes hana i hear you... i need new clothes for every bloody occasion. it's not my fault. check my birthcert. it says FEMALE. very very.

gave up on westmall and went back to lot 1 which to me and mum is equivalent to female heaven on earth. got a bossini top for $12. see??! it doesn't have to be branded or expensive. it just has to look good. :D yay! so new top all ready for tomorrow... yeah yeah yeah!

then took train back to gombak to teach some tuition whereby i became 140 bucks richer. WHEE!

then back to dorm. tomorrow will be thai trip grp bonding session whereby i'll share my secret desire to shop like mad there, then change up, then off to town to buy cake then meet all the dear darlings who has come together to celebrate the day lil' ol' me was born. though a day earlier. nonetheless. thank you my sweet nestums. buarghkaka. there goes sentimental hallmark moment. nyeh nyeh.

5thseptemberbeckons...

comefizacomecomegrowoldandrotwithme.

hehe. no la.

i am happy. HAPPY! happy! happyyyyy! HAPPYYYYY! haPPy! HEPPIE! Heehpee!

Friday, September 03, 2004

anyway. am feeling like sarah maclachlan tonight. in the arms of an angel, anyone?

i wonder why i never bought her CDs whereas i've liked her since i was 13. hmm. doinks.

you think you know me

you understand

because you see these layers covering me

and you assume

that's who i am.

you think you know me

you nod emphatically

"i know what you mean"

well no you don't

you wish you did

you think yo did

but you don't.

you think you know me

you think you see my pain

like i'm translucent

like you can read my mind

like you're the pillow soaking up my tears in bed

you may think you know me

but that's just you screwing with your own head.

nay am not feeling angsty. but this is to all morons who have judged me before knowing me, judged me because of the way i look, judged me after seeing me for 5 minutes, judged me based on what someone else say. judged me instead of knowing me. period.

to all you retards out there, all i can say is i feel sorry that at this age you're still incapable of opening your eyes bigger and see someone as a person and not a thing to be labelled. whatever you think i am, i'm not cuz every moment i am changing faster than your eyes blink. so before you judge me, think. think. think.

cuz i am so SICK of people like you. if you wanna judge, go take law.

then again, there's no absolute termination of existence for such people is there?

as long as life thrives, people who judge, people who thinks too little or gossips too much will live on.

such a sad fact of life.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

oh. my. godddddddd.

i just woke up from my food poisoning medication- induced sleep.

geez.

eurgh.

i can't BELIEVE i dreamt that.

no wait. that was a NIGHTMARE.

NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

am going to DIE.

shit. that was horrendous!

ok i'll shut up since i'm not going to tell u what the nightmare was.

i'm sorry. it's too disgusting. worst thing is despite being in deep sleep, it happened in the later hours of my sleep so the image is VIVID in my head.

goddddd. it makes me nauseatic just recalling it. maybe that's the whole point?

maybe it works hand- in- hand with those wretched food poisoning pills.

eew eew eew. i'm DYING to tell someone but i must be selective. cuz it's going to gross the HELL out of that selected few.

one thing i know from the dream: i see too much USP people. that's ALL i'm going to say.

sheesh. i'm going to die puking tonight.

yesterday i got food poisoning and a fever and several migraine attacks and at 9 a.m. i went to mac @ engin for soci project discussion where i drank milk but it did not help stop the retching so i went on with my day with history tutorial from 12- 1 p.m. whereby finally at 12.55 p.m. i retched again and finally felt the bile rising and rushed out of class and vomitted outside AS1 so apologies to all that were nearby i really couldn't help it then a kind lass gave me tissue and ahowed me to the toilet where i cleaned myself up then went back to class where barnard had helped clear my stuff gosh he's sucha great lecturer n tutor and he told me to go home and sleep haha but i had soci lecture at 4 so i rocked on till 4 by having chit chat session with naz kris and nianlong while smelling badly buti managed to down a coke float which made many have a cow but that d on't matter then it was soci lect then town for haircut with mum then we ate and i finally downed some fishball soup and then mum waited as i took a bus back i think i made her very worried cuz i looked sick but anyway i love my new hair cuz it's so light and it kinda helped reduce my migraine which is good so anyway i got back to dorm and slept and woke up today for islam and was so tempted to skip but i didn't aren't you proud of me but syed farid alatas mentioned sherbet being derived from an arab word that means drink so now i have craving for sherbet ice- cream and i will have it when kristy end at 5 later so now i'll sit around in chatterbox till 2 when my malay tutorial is so yea.

whee! what a lao- sai sentence. ok. i'll update later. toodles.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.

it is SEPTEMBER. excuse me while i have a cow.

.....................................................................................

ok i'm back.

GOD. it's SEPTEMBER. 3/ 4 of the YEAR is OVER. i am going to die.

ok. i should calm down and try to be rational.

no i can't. i simply refuse to believe this. NUS has eaten up my time. chewed and swallowed it and spat out the remnants triumphantly in my face.

ugh ugh ugh. ok. i'm having lots of cows.

argh. crap crap crap. 1st of September???? already????

where the hell did time go? dammit.

now, now.

i'm trying to calm down but it's near impossible.

shit. i'm turing NINETEEN. it's my FINAL year as a TEENAGER. i am going to die. die die die die.

how ridiculous can it be to be 19 and only 1.57m tall???

great god in heavens.

but anyway. life goes on...

tomorrow i'll go town for a haircut and a C.C dinner with mum. hana? join? it's prolly after 6/7. i end at 6 n my hair apptment is at 7.

what should i do with my hair? hmm? hmm? *twirls hair ala... mmm... ala... ala ala ewah....*

wahahaha.

k nvm.

today was MS lecture. thank god for zila or i would have posolutely, absotively, gone MAD.

how come he's 1- an A/P, and 2- a not bad tutor, and YET...

sigh.

life goes on.

friday is probably back to pjc for a level cert n maybe a tete- a- tete with the poor man who just went for reservist a.k.a eddie. lol.

hmm hmm. oh saw Purple Boy. =) yeah yeah.... ooooooh. hotness hotness.

apparently the ustad fahrur razi- ish looking guy is 1- luq's army bud, 2- called JAMAL *how p. ramlee is that* and 3- is from PJC science but 3 yrs my snr. waaaaaaah.

apparently he knows how to party but i don't care. he still looks like the aku adalah ustad person.

same with kamal who is 1- hafiz's friend and 2- lisps. ...... no comments. hafiz say god is fair. he may be cute but at least he lisps. yes, hafiz. i hear you. hahaha.

why all non- mats in NUS *with the exception of purple boy* are all fugly or aku adalah ustad looking?

why don't chinese boys circumcise and wash their backside after doing business so that i can date them without having disturbing mental images pop up in my head at undesirable times?

why do most of the indians in PGP smell making me fear dating ANY indians at all?

why why why?

sigh. so many questions so little time.

but......

i'm thinking... so....

"I think, therefore I am." yes yes. we hear o' wise one.

god bless rene descartes and his redundant overused quote.

her new Panasonic X70! argh!!! envy envy!

mum dropped by my dorm to show off her new toy...