I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
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Melbourne I
Melbourne II
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Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
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Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
i remember...
i remember arts day 2003... dancing to doris day... :)
i remember "coupons" entitling owner to unlimited love, hugs & kisses popping up in my notebook n lecture notes n locker.
i remember sitting at Mc the first time with you as "not- a friend" and we got freaked out when imran kept msging us.
i remember you were in a grey/ silver baju melayu.
i remember you waiting for me at the bus- stop across J.E library after my economics re- exam.
i remember you said i look good in pants. i know you just didn't want me to wear that school skirt. ;)
i remember you wanted to sit with me in the bus to the new school site... but cameron didn't know we were together and made you sit with him.
i remember the first time we met, you were on your way to go raya visiting with your friends. at bukit batok mrt station when you were alighting, you nudged me & whispered " i love you tau."
i remember running/ dancing in the rain with you with an NTUC plastic bag full of prawns.
i remember laughing with you. many many times.
i remember mugging with you till late night. and walking on the track with you. under the moonlit sky.
i remember your first fart in front of me occured during one of these walks on the track. we were star- gazing. :D
i remember laughing at you when you forgot to bring trackpants and had to wear shorts for hockey trainings. those WHITE long legs... hehe.
i remember picnics at fort canning park. strawberries, whipped cream, love and very irritating mosquitoes.
i remember walking home with you. "high school sweethearts." written across our foreheads.
i remember esplanade library sessions. rooftop. sea breeze. Mrs. Fields' cookies. chocolate- dipped strawberries.
i remember walking to school with you... from phoenix lrt station... a languid slow morning walk that marked the start of another day in our lives.
i remember al- ameen sessions. your attempts to teach me to eat dim sums with chopsticks. many cheese pratas and milo dinosaurs...
i remember BOO- ing each other and splashing each other whenever we go toilet. or racing to the toilet to wuduk first in that handicapped toilet. lol.
i remember prom night. drinking strawberry milk in our dressy bests under my void deck. :)
i remember mandai zoo. :) the chocolate cake. the pictures... the nonsense we talked... the lions and elephants... :)
i remember changi beach. nasi lemak, coconuts, mutton chop... you, the eternally knowledgable you, telling me all the different aeroplanes passing by.
i remember my birthday. how significant it was that you were there. as more than a friend.
i remember you were there for my awards ceremony. you were there with me, every moment when the a levels results were released.
i remember you looked so cute in the yellow baju melayu mum bought for you to match mine.
i remember we went geylang together during Ramadhan. breaking fast and praying then wandering around for dendengs and honeyed chicken and caramel custard and whatnots.
i remember west coast park. being general monkeys swinging around and climbing and clambering all over the playground.
i remember sunsets at sentosa that still move me to tears.
i remember escape theme park. the purple monkey with the butterfly. :)
i remember going to gombak in the Ramadhan to buy food to break fast with. we always loved our food. :)
i remember you saying "because you're special..." in that apek way of yours when i asked you why me.
i remember you at my door with a rose and ferrero rochers.
i remember watching fireworks on the top of marina park after stuffing ourselves fat with many many chocolate cakes.
i remember playing ultimate frisbee with the class and you were in the opposing team. :)
i remember the way you tie a towel round your head when you play takraw with the boys. so mat kotai.
i remember sitting in the student lounge with you. you telling me your feelings for mai. you being confused...
i remember you going in for NS. i remember a heart- shaped pizza and a bald boyfriend on 14th feb 2004. :)
i remember you being as crazy as me, as happy as me, as sad as me...
i remember you were my everything.
and still and will always be.
i remember arts day 2003... dancing to doris day... :)
i remember "coupons" entitling owner to unlimited love, hugs & kisses popping up in my notebook n lecture notes n locker.
i remember sitting at Mc the first time with you as "not- a friend" and we got freaked out when imran kept msging us.
i remember you were in a grey/ silver baju melayu.
i remember you waiting for me at the bus- stop across J.E library after my economics re- exam.
i remember you said i look good in pants. i know you just didn't want me to wear that school skirt. ;)
i remember you wanted to sit with me in the bus to the new school site... but cameron didn't know we were together and made you sit with him.
i remember the first time we met, you were on your way to go raya visiting with your friends. at bukit batok mrt station when you were alighting, you nudged me & whispered " i love you tau."
i remember running/ dancing in the rain with you with an NTUC plastic bag full of prawns.
i remember laughing with you. many many times.
i remember mugging with you till late night. and walking on the track with you. under the moonlit sky.
i remember your first fart in front of me occured during one of these walks on the track. we were star- gazing. :D
i remember laughing at you when you forgot to bring trackpants and had to wear shorts for hockey trainings. those WHITE long legs... hehe.
i remember picnics at fort canning park. strawberries, whipped cream, love and very irritating mosquitoes.
i remember walking home with you. "high school sweethearts." written across our foreheads.
i remember esplanade library sessions. rooftop. sea breeze. Mrs. Fields' cookies. chocolate- dipped strawberries.
i remember walking to school with you... from phoenix lrt station... a languid slow morning walk that marked the start of another day in our lives.
i remember al- ameen sessions. your attempts to teach me to eat dim sums with chopsticks. many cheese pratas and milo dinosaurs...
i remember BOO- ing each other and splashing each other whenever we go toilet. or racing to the toilet to wuduk first in that handicapped toilet. lol.
i remember prom night. drinking strawberry milk in our dressy bests under my void deck. :)
i remember mandai zoo. :) the chocolate cake. the pictures... the nonsense we talked... the lions and elephants... :)
i remember changi beach. nasi lemak, coconuts, mutton chop... you, the eternally knowledgable you, telling me all the different aeroplanes passing by.
i remember my birthday. how significant it was that you were there. as more than a friend.
i remember you were there for my awards ceremony. you were there with me, every moment when the a levels results were released.
i remember you looked so cute in the yellow baju melayu mum bought for you to match mine.
i remember we went geylang together during Ramadhan. breaking fast and praying then wandering around for dendengs and honeyed chicken and caramel custard and whatnots.
i remember west coast park. being general monkeys swinging around and climbing and clambering all over the playground.
i remember sunsets at sentosa that still move me to tears.
i remember escape theme park. the purple monkey with the butterfly. :)
i remember going to gombak in the Ramadhan to buy food to break fast with. we always loved our food. :)
i remember you saying "because you're special..." in that apek way of yours when i asked you why me.
i remember you at my door with a rose and ferrero rochers.
i remember watching fireworks on the top of marina park after stuffing ourselves fat with many many chocolate cakes.
i remember playing ultimate frisbee with the class and you were in the opposing team. :)
i remember the way you tie a towel round your head when you play takraw with the boys. so mat kotai.
i remember sitting in the student lounge with you. you telling me your feelings for mai. you being confused...
i remember you going in for NS. i remember a heart- shaped pizza and a bald boyfriend on 14th feb 2004. :)
i remember you being as crazy as me, as happy as me, as sad as me...
i remember you were my everything.
and still and will always be.
Monday, August 30, 2004
as always... signing off... yours truly... moi size 3 feet.
i like this shot. mum hates it cuz it shows her back. wahaha. i am an evil daughter. ;)
now you don't!
now you see it...
the pretzel we walked all the way from far east to p.s. for.
mum while eating at Magic Wok. Umm. No idea what's with the face. ahaks. No la. I made her do it. lol.
ok la... for those who can't afford the wretched iPod... *smirks*... here's a list k... so don't need to keep going eh fiza u like this or not u like that or not... cuz in truth that is quite a redundant question cuz fiza likes everything... even rotting bread or old hairy men or chicken or fallen trees or nasal hair or fried lizards or... well u get it la... anyway i digress.
Fiza's 19th Birthday Wish List
iPod *you! read next line la!*
CDs... dunno what i like pls go friendster... anyway blog template also quite obvious la uh...
Mini- fridge... from Ig's Heaven... so pretty!
laptop
bags bags bags! i likeeeee bigggggggggggg bags and i cannot lie...
shoes! the more the merrier! colourful plain heels no heels sneakers slippers whatever! i love footwear oh n i'm a size 5. ;)
jeans? hmm. aiyah CLOTHES la k. doink. smallest u can get. xs tops, 24 bottoms. better- just get those wretched vouchers. lol.
accesories. duh. k this is like EVERY GIRL'S birthday wishlist.
MONEY. $$$
KL trip.
chocolates!
mp3 player? still cannot?!! k la k la DISCMAN... ok... haha... mine is rotting. literally.
BOOKS. female uk writers... male uk writers... anything with lots of sex innit. wahahaha.
a bike licence and a bike. i really don't wanna go up that slope again la... it's cursed!
prayers... for love, kindness and happiness all year round... and for first class honours... ok? :)
Fiza's 19th Birthday Wish List
iPod *you! read next line la!*
CDs... dunno what i like pls go friendster... anyway blog template also quite obvious la uh...
Mini- fridge... from Ig's Heaven... so pretty!
laptop
bags bags bags! i likeeeee bigggggggggggg bags and i cannot lie...
shoes! the more the merrier! colourful plain heels no heels sneakers slippers whatever! i love footwear oh n i'm a size 5. ;)
jeans? hmm. aiyah CLOTHES la k. doink. smallest u can get. xs tops, 24 bottoms. better- just get those wretched vouchers. lol.
accesories. duh. k this is like EVERY GIRL'S birthday wishlist.
MONEY. $$$
KL trip.
chocolates!
mp3 player? still cannot?!! k la k la DISCMAN... ok... haha... mine is rotting. literally.
BOOKS. female uk writers... male uk writers... anything with lots of sex innit. wahahaha.
a bike licence and a bike. i really don't wanna go up that slope again la... it's cursed!
prayers... for love, kindness and happiness all year round... and for first class honours... ok? :)
entry no. 400+ 1
am at kristy's place. buahaha. spent sunday night over here........
and watched Ring 1.
...........
i don't know if i was too freaked out but i was a lil' scared to sleep. nothing like long- haired, nail- less people to MAKE your sunday la.
but i think kris might be. she dreamt that we invited the queen of england over. to her HOUSE. here. in this lil corner of singapore called holland v.
no comments. at all.
school starts at 4 today for me. =) wheeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeee.
and like 4- 6 then go home. pa ra pa pa pa...
my sunday was dinner with mum in town at far east then a walk to PS for pretzels. yums.
womading cancelled due to tight budget... i've learnt to live within my means.
am hoping to see "purple boy" today. pray for me ya.
oh yea. german athletes are cute. really really cute.
and i can't BELIEVE US lost to GB for the 4 by 100 men's relay!!!! wahahaha.... the empire has fallen... it's crumbling before my eyes and i like it...
oh yea. russian women's team lost to china for volleyball... felt so sad. was really rooting for them... they got such good players who are so experienced... but this is the year of the underdogs... oh well... guess russian coaches should learn to bark less. !!! i can't believe that in such modern times russian coaches are still so.... Lenin- ish. lol.
then then then... then what eh.
oh. if this affects you, read on.
DEARLY BELOVED... WE'LL BE GATHERING AT CONSTANT CRAVINGS AT THE VAGUE HOURS OF 1430 ON THE 4TH OF SEPTEMBER FOR MOI SMALL MINI BIRTHDAY THINGY- O... ANY OBJECTIONS SAY AYE... ALL IN FAVOUR SAY "LET'S GET FIZA AN iPOD!"
aye? no aye? good. then it's settled. it's just a gathering NOT a party. so don't think it's free food ah. haa. you SINGAPOREANS you. lol.
and now... drumrolls please... for my gooooooood news... *maya, look- out! lol*
actually it's just something that makes me happy... but that's good news right? haa. oh well here goes.
AM CHOSEN FOR THAI EXPEDITION TRIP TO HELP CREATE AWARENESS FOR AIDS AND CHILD PROSTITUTION IN NORTH THAILAND.
cool huh. BUT. it's 2- 19 dec tentatively. TENTATIVELY. if so i'll miss hana's birhtday and my 2nd yr anniversary... but since we're not exactly together it doesn't matter but i know it does that's why i'm writing it here ok... haha.
so that's 2 biggies i'll miss if i go... but i wanna go... only 15 out of 200... i definitely wanna go... golden opportunity to open my eyes big big and absorb what's happening to people not around me...
so yea. that's e good news. sorry if i disappointed anyone... hahaha.
i was in the bus on my way home when i realized... "hey my birthday's in a week..."
you know you're getting old when you don't remember your own birthday despite people dropping hints that they need to know what i want...
sigh.
age is catching up on me... it is, it is.
am at kristy's place. buahaha. spent sunday night over here........
and watched Ring 1.
...........
i don't know if i was too freaked out but i was a lil' scared to sleep. nothing like long- haired, nail- less people to MAKE your sunday la.
but i think kris might be. she dreamt that we invited the queen of england over. to her HOUSE. here. in this lil corner of singapore called holland v.
no comments. at all.
school starts at 4 today for me. =) wheeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeee.
and like 4- 6 then go home. pa ra pa pa pa...
my sunday was dinner with mum in town at far east then a walk to PS for pretzels. yums.
womading cancelled due to tight budget... i've learnt to live within my means.
am hoping to see "purple boy" today. pray for me ya.
oh yea. german athletes are cute. really really cute.
and i can't BELIEVE US lost to GB for the 4 by 100 men's relay!!!! wahahaha.... the empire has fallen... it's crumbling before my eyes and i like it...
oh yea. russian women's team lost to china for volleyball... felt so sad. was really rooting for them... they got such good players who are so experienced... but this is the year of the underdogs... oh well... guess russian coaches should learn to bark less. !!! i can't believe that in such modern times russian coaches are still so.... Lenin- ish. lol.
then then then... then what eh.
oh. if this affects you, read on.
DEARLY BELOVED... WE'LL BE GATHERING AT CONSTANT CRAVINGS AT THE VAGUE HOURS OF 1430 ON THE 4TH OF SEPTEMBER FOR MOI SMALL MINI BIRTHDAY THINGY- O... ANY OBJECTIONS SAY AYE... ALL IN FAVOUR SAY "LET'S GET FIZA AN iPOD!"
aye? no aye? good. then it's settled. it's just a gathering NOT a party. so don't think it's free food ah. haa. you SINGAPOREANS you. lol.
and now... drumrolls please... for my gooooooood news... *maya, look- out! lol*
actually it's just something that makes me happy... but that's good news right? haa. oh well here goes.
AM CHOSEN FOR THAI EXPEDITION TRIP TO HELP CREATE AWARENESS FOR AIDS AND CHILD PROSTITUTION IN NORTH THAILAND.
cool huh. BUT. it's 2- 19 dec tentatively. TENTATIVELY. if so i'll miss hana's birhtday and my 2nd yr anniversary... but since we're not exactly together it doesn't matter but i know it does that's why i'm writing it here ok... haha.
so that's 2 biggies i'll miss if i go... but i wanna go... only 15 out of 200... i definitely wanna go... golden opportunity to open my eyes big big and absorb what's happening to people not around me...
so yea. that's e good news. sorry if i disappointed anyone... hahaha.
i was in the bus on my way home when i realized... "hey my birthday's in a week..."
you know you're getting old when you don't remember your own birthday despite people dropping hints that they need to know what i want...
sigh.
age is catching up on me... it is, it is.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
this is my 400th entry
after yesterday's dinner and dance... i sat down... blogged... chatted on MSN... and was inspired to do my essay which was due Monday anyway. but i know i can do it on sunday... why? cuz i am innately a last- minute person who works FANTASTIC under pressure.
so i did.
and sat there till 7 a.m.
yes. at times like this i know why i can be called a geek in my weaker moments in life.
i just sat there and kept typing and typing and editing and highlighting the wretched essay then quoting the retard and writing and writing... till i got about 239 words OVER THE LIMIT. and i was worried that i'll have nothing to say.
.............
so yes. now it's saturday. i slept at 7 and woke up at 12.30 p.m.
clearly i work well under inspiration and laughing + food high too.
oh and i slept after morning prayers... but now it feels like i was dreaming that up. haha. i am damn disoriented when i sleep + wake up in the same day.
oh oh oh! and this is my 400th entry for my blog. nice lil old thing. been through so much with me.... *hugs blog* lol.
i have some relatively good news to announce but i shall tell my family first k. then i tell u.
la la la... k. am off to home sweetums home then womading tomorrow... WHY?
CUZ I HAVE FINISHED MY GODDAMN ESSAY!!!! YAY YAY!!!!!
here's to you dr. andrew leng, UWC2101K, questioning evolution and it's progress, galton, spencer, darwin and what nots. god bless my "Galton: Eugenics Theory Debunked."
after yesterday's dinner and dance... i sat down... blogged... chatted on MSN... and was inspired to do my essay which was due Monday anyway. but i know i can do it on sunday... why? cuz i am innately a last- minute person who works FANTASTIC under pressure.
so i did.
and sat there till 7 a.m.
yes. at times like this i know why i can be called a geek in my weaker moments in life.
i just sat there and kept typing and typing and editing and highlighting the wretched essay then quoting the retard and writing and writing... till i got about 239 words OVER THE LIMIT. and i was worried that i'll have nothing to say.
.............
so yes. now it's saturday. i slept at 7 and woke up at 12.30 p.m.
clearly i work well under inspiration and laughing + food high too.
oh and i slept after morning prayers... but now it feels like i was dreaming that up. haha. i am damn disoriented when i sleep + wake up in the same day.
oh oh oh! and this is my 400th entry for my blog. nice lil old thing. been through so much with me.... *hugs blog* lol.
i have some relatively good news to announce but i shall tell my family first k. then i tell u.
la la la... k. am off to home sweetums home then womading tomorrow... WHY?
CUZ I HAVE FINISHED MY GODDAMN ESSAY!!!! YAY YAY!!!!!
here's to you dr. andrew leng, UWC2101K, questioning evolution and it's progress, galton, spencer, darwin and what nots. god bless my "Galton: Eugenics Theory Debunked."
bolly holly forest
am just back from my dinner & dance. don't regret going at all. it soooooo made me happy. like aaaallllllllll the misery & depression & pressure & stress i felt for the past school weeks just flew down from the 4th floor of concorde as we buffet our way through the night.
yes, nothing like FOOOOOOOD to make me happy. happy happy happy. and THAT i am.
the bread pudding was astaghfirullahalazim PUNYELAH SEDAP. transalation: it was orgasmicly good. gooooooooooood. honestly it was the best bread pudding i've ever eaten in my life.
chocolate mousse cake was SINNNNNNNNFUL. love love love it. then got MASHED POTATOES which always make me & many others happy. *somehow i know alot of people, particularly NUS ones, who lurvvve mashed potatoes.*
uhm. oh! dory. yesh. they had DORY. and CHEESE PRATA! and BRAISED MUSHROOMS! i'm sorry. but the food was fantastic. super super super tasty. yumyumyum.
k. now to backtrack to how the day began.
woke up, lunched with krist n minz, then went back at 4.30 to change.
i had a sari- ish skirt to wear, but no top. so i used my prom shawl, a black frilly one, and wrapped it round & round into a tube & pinned the wretched thing together. many called it ingenious, but if the pin were to have POPPED during the dinner i would have killed myself. fortunately, that wasn't necessary. my top was well- behaved hence ingenious.
laremy fetched me at PGP lobby. now my skirt is LONG. so there was an issue of how to sit. i could that saloma 60s thing of sitting with my legs swung one side but now in THIS century you can get sued for that so we chose to hitch up my skirt a lil' n let it lie on e seats- hence lalamy had to sit on my skirt.
the ride was HILARIOUS. k. this cow was like going ROUND the bloody concorde. like we passed by at LEAST 4 possible entries to the carpark but he SOMEHOW couldn't decide whether we should turn. sigh.
we finally got to enter. yes. laremy finally decided to go in instead of circling the wretched hotel.
la la la... long story short entered at 7 for a night of fun and laughter and of course, fantastic food. of course, NO DANCE. what's new. haha. but that's ok. hamzah would have prolly stole the show then. lol.
oh! i got a certificate!!! from USP!!! haha. apparently i'm an outstanding contributor to USP... hahahaha... cuz i was in rag... lol. then they showed the rag video... :) i love you raggers and you know that. muacks to hamz, nadine, jieling, YC, xiaojia, lalamy, nianlong, boredin, qing qing, ling, kim, diana... and the rest. you know who you are. *hug* beautiful memories i have with u guys... :)
i managed to convince alot of people not to club. haha. don't ask me why or how. but i did. hahaha. weirdness.
so now i'll do my essay... chat chat... go on with life on this happy note.
now let's hope things shall look up from here on.
p/s: pics tmr. :D
am just back from my dinner & dance. don't regret going at all. it soooooo made me happy. like aaaallllllllll the misery & depression & pressure & stress i felt for the past school weeks just flew down from the 4th floor of concorde as we buffet our way through the night.
yes, nothing like FOOOOOOOD to make me happy. happy happy happy. and THAT i am.
the bread pudding was astaghfirullahalazim PUNYELAH SEDAP. transalation: it was orgasmicly good. gooooooooooood. honestly it was the best bread pudding i've ever eaten in my life.
chocolate mousse cake was SINNNNNNNNFUL. love love love it. then got MASHED POTATOES which always make me & many others happy. *somehow i know alot of people, particularly NUS ones, who lurvvve mashed potatoes.*
uhm. oh! dory. yesh. they had DORY. and CHEESE PRATA! and BRAISED MUSHROOMS! i'm sorry. but the food was fantastic. super super super tasty. yumyumyum.
k. now to backtrack to how the day began.
woke up, lunched with krist n minz, then went back at 4.30 to change.
i had a sari- ish skirt to wear, but no top. so i used my prom shawl, a black frilly one, and wrapped it round & round into a tube & pinned the wretched thing together. many called it ingenious, but if the pin were to have POPPED during the dinner i would have killed myself. fortunately, that wasn't necessary. my top was well- behaved hence ingenious.
laremy fetched me at PGP lobby. now my skirt is LONG. so there was an issue of how to sit. i could that saloma 60s thing of sitting with my legs swung one side but now in THIS century you can get sued for that so we chose to hitch up my skirt a lil' n let it lie on e seats- hence lalamy had to sit on my skirt.
the ride was HILARIOUS. k. this cow was like going ROUND the bloody concorde. like we passed by at LEAST 4 possible entries to the carpark but he SOMEHOW couldn't decide whether we should turn. sigh.
we finally got to enter. yes. laremy finally decided to go in instead of circling the wretched hotel.
la la la... long story short entered at 7 for a night of fun and laughter and of course, fantastic food. of course, NO DANCE. what's new. haha. but that's ok. hamzah would have prolly stole the show then. lol.
oh! i got a certificate!!! from USP!!! haha. apparently i'm an outstanding contributor to USP... hahahaha... cuz i was in rag... lol. then they showed the rag video... :) i love you raggers and you know that. muacks to hamz, nadine, jieling, YC, xiaojia, lalamy, nianlong, boredin, qing qing, ling, kim, diana... and the rest. you know who you are. *hug* beautiful memories i have with u guys... :)
i managed to convince alot of people not to club. haha. don't ask me why or how. but i did. hahaha. weirdness.
so now i'll do my essay... chat chat... go on with life on this happy note.
now let's hope things shall look up from here on.
p/s: pics tmr. :D
Thursday, August 26, 2004
if i could choose, i won't
thursday. relatively heavy day. i got two light and two heavy. peace and democracy, yeah!
uhm. urh. aaah. hmm. eyyyyy. hrrrrrrh. umph. uh.
oh. uh. morning- islam. was so sleepy i almost fell of my chair. 10- 12... eek.
then 12- 12.30 was lunching with YC n luq. neh neh. army boys are gross. they have the grossest stories. *puke puke puke*
12.30- 1.45 was sleeping in chatterbox. lol. waaaaaaah. aircon... cushions... carpet... yc's soft denim jacket.... zzzzzzz....
1.45 woke up and realized i had a tutorial to go for and i still didn't know where the room is. PANIC!
1.52 saw my "purple boy". sigh. admire only... see no touch. lol. he's got the most fascinating fashion sense ever... n maya- he's MUCH MUCH cuter than U.K. Shyam... PLUS he takes german... i don't know why that makes him cuter but it does... hahaha.
1.54 met maya shidah/zila (was blinking too much to see) n hannah. sorry la i was sleepy. was blinking to make my contact lense moist. wuahaha.
1.59 walked RIGHT PAST my tutorial room and went 3- 4 doors away. then i shook my head, literally, in a failing attempt to clear my head + regain consciousness at the same + to have some motion to jolt my senses. i then retracked my steps- no i didn't walk backwards or moonwalked- and stood outside the room. then realized i could go in. !!! and i did. dumbness.
2.00 entered the class and suddenly everyone's like eyyy fiza! sini ah! then another is like hey fiza come sit here la. haha. and i thought i'd be so terribly lonely and sleepy and miserable during MS tutorial... hah. sat with amanda cuz she's chi and prolly might need some help every now and then. suzi tuty and some other pj girls sat at e back while i was relatively in front. shit. i'm a geek... 8-X
2.03 tutor came in...... it was TOK DIN. i died for 3 seconds. but oh well. he's prolly the only tutor in MS. haNNah- is he??? when he walked in you could sense the "shit i'm gonna flunk out of MS was so hoping on tutorial to get me thru" atmosphere in the air. but as class went on... can la. pray for me my children of the corn...
2.23 last boy entered class- half hour late, how MELAYU is that- and there wasn't sufficent chairs. so he had to go out again and came back in with a chair. there was this girl sitting near the door, like right behind it, so he had difficulty. i think i need not elaborate how "ugh bodoh" it was for the girl to sit there la ah... and then OF COURSE his chair got stuck between the doorway. then the whole class started laughing. while tok din was actually talking abt something. so i totally didn't hear what he said. whatever. anyway the girl behind the door laughed too. ??? ape kebende laaaaaa.
2.30- 2.55 class rattled along. he's actually quite funny and informative... but somehow my class seem to have this really ntah ape- ape sense of humour and they kept LAUGHING.... AND LAUGHING... AND LAUGHING.... and not like "hehe" laugh to self kind, but the "WARGHKAKAKAKABUAKAKAKAKA" type. like massively collectively. madness. they should join choir. so co- ordinated, their laughter. pffffft. and this guy kept bringing up "modern malay vs traditional malay" n magic men n doctors n cannot walk go bomoh then can walk. like,
alamak! slap one time!!!!!
he was SO irrelevant and asking stupid questions and citing RIDICULOUS n ANALOGOUS examples. if he was paying attention the DEFINITIONS of modernisation as beliefs n thought process has already been CLEARLY STATED... ugh. tak tau baca eh... WORST OF ALL, he kept slipping into malay... eeeeeeeeei. i really wanted to sumbat cili padi in his mouth n laugh while i watch his mouth burn. !!!!!! anger anger.
oh then amanda's friend, this chi guy, asked if we'll touch on p.ramlee in this module. and the class LAUGHED. is it just me or was that actually oh lemme see, NOT FUNNY AT ALL? i think it's relevant cuz he is a significant figure within malay society ALTHOUGH not necessarily relevant to MODERNISATION of the malays but at least it's RELEVANT. even tok din said so. and i think this class is giving the non- malay people in class a very icky view of malays. some of them looked bewildered when they laughed. some rolled their eyes. sigh. ape- ape la ye. but classmates aside, i am very fascinated by malay studies now cuz i see it as a medium to improve the malay community. even tok din said we need improvisation. maybe i can start with my tutorial class. heh.
ok that was a long story on ms tutorial. eeeeeek. haha.
then 3- 3.50 i was gecko- ing with kris. saw the big hair guy again. keep seeing him. today he came up and said "eh i keep bumping into you ah... what's ur name?" so apparently he's faisal. heard that he's a SHEIKH faisal- might explain the hair- and also PS Club president. waaaaaa. anyway he's a fellow pgp- ian. interesting. now i know THREE malay boys living in PGP. luq, faizul, faisal. hmm.
4- 6 was evolution class. am coping pretty well i think. :) am pleased. had cookie during break, of course. saw the rehearsal for tmr's d n d performance. khekhe. i think people underestimate the might of USP-ians. we can be retards too u know. ROFL. just now was solid evidence of this level of retardation.
after class ended headed to keppel bay tower to collect my poor baby digi who has been TERRIBLY neglected for SO LONG... i'm so sorry. *kisses digi baby* now he's back n i'm not letting him go. *triumphant*
who needs men when you have a canon powershot a75?
definitely not me.
so shall be trigger happy for at least the next week. oh showed kris and laremy the middle finger today. hahaha. was actually trying to show them the smiley face i drew there. sigh. i'm so misunderstood...
then dinnered with luq safe n cheryl. later jared, a canadian, joined us. pgp is blessed with hot ang mohs. whee! haha.
bought chips and coke. am depressed. eating comfort food now.
but i'm happy. outward. surface. you know. simply. but deeper in n scratch beneath the surface...
there's so much more to me that you just can't see.
thursday. relatively heavy day. i got two light and two heavy. peace and democracy, yeah!
uhm. urh. aaah. hmm. eyyyyy. hrrrrrrh. umph. uh.
oh. uh. morning- islam. was so sleepy i almost fell of my chair. 10- 12... eek.
then 12- 12.30 was lunching with YC n luq. neh neh. army boys are gross. they have the grossest stories. *puke puke puke*
12.30- 1.45 was sleeping in chatterbox. lol. waaaaaaah. aircon... cushions... carpet... yc's soft denim jacket.... zzzzzzz....
1.45 woke up and realized i had a tutorial to go for and i still didn't know where the room is. PANIC!
1.52 saw my "purple boy". sigh. admire only... see no touch. lol. he's got the most fascinating fashion sense ever... n maya- he's MUCH MUCH cuter than U.K. Shyam... PLUS he takes german... i don't know why that makes him cuter but it does... hahaha.
1.54 met maya shidah/zila (was blinking too much to see) n hannah. sorry la i was sleepy. was blinking to make my contact lense moist. wuahaha.
1.59 walked RIGHT PAST my tutorial room and went 3- 4 doors away. then i shook my head, literally, in a failing attempt to clear my head + regain consciousness at the same + to have some motion to jolt my senses. i then retracked my steps- no i didn't walk backwards or moonwalked- and stood outside the room. then realized i could go in. !!! and i did. dumbness.
2.00 entered the class and suddenly everyone's like eyyy fiza! sini ah! then another is like hey fiza come sit here la. haha. and i thought i'd be so terribly lonely and sleepy and miserable during MS tutorial... hah. sat with amanda cuz she's chi and prolly might need some help every now and then. suzi tuty and some other pj girls sat at e back while i was relatively in front. shit. i'm a geek... 8-X
2.03 tutor came in...... it was TOK DIN. i died for 3 seconds. but oh well. he's prolly the only tutor in MS. haNNah- is he??? when he walked in you could sense the "shit i'm gonna flunk out of MS was so hoping on tutorial to get me thru" atmosphere in the air. but as class went on... can la. pray for me my children of the corn...
2.23 last boy entered class- half hour late, how MELAYU is that- and there wasn't sufficent chairs. so he had to go out again and came back in with a chair. there was this girl sitting near the door, like right behind it, so he had difficulty. i think i need not elaborate how "ugh bodoh" it was for the girl to sit there la ah... and then OF COURSE his chair got stuck between the doorway. then the whole class started laughing. while tok din was actually talking abt something. so i totally didn't hear what he said. whatever. anyway the girl behind the door laughed too. ??? ape kebende laaaaaa.
2.30- 2.55 class rattled along. he's actually quite funny and informative... but somehow my class seem to have this really ntah ape- ape sense of humour and they kept LAUGHING.... AND LAUGHING... AND LAUGHING.... and not like "hehe" laugh to self kind, but the "WARGHKAKAKAKABUAKAKAKAKA" type. like massively collectively. madness. they should join choir. so co- ordinated, their laughter. pffffft. and this guy kept bringing up "modern malay vs traditional malay" n magic men n doctors n cannot walk go bomoh then can walk. like,
alamak! slap one time!!!!!
he was SO irrelevant and asking stupid questions and citing RIDICULOUS n ANALOGOUS examples. if he was paying attention the DEFINITIONS of modernisation as beliefs n thought process has already been CLEARLY STATED... ugh. tak tau baca eh... WORST OF ALL, he kept slipping into malay... eeeeeeeeei. i really wanted to sumbat cili padi in his mouth n laugh while i watch his mouth burn. !!!!!! anger anger.
oh then amanda's friend, this chi guy, asked if we'll touch on p.ramlee in this module. and the class LAUGHED. is it just me or was that actually oh lemme see, NOT FUNNY AT ALL? i think it's relevant cuz he is a significant figure within malay society ALTHOUGH not necessarily relevant to MODERNISATION of the malays but at least it's RELEVANT. even tok din said so. and i think this class is giving the non- malay people in class a very icky view of malays. some of them looked bewildered when they laughed. some rolled their eyes. sigh. ape- ape la ye. but classmates aside, i am very fascinated by malay studies now cuz i see it as a medium to improve the malay community. even tok din said we need improvisation. maybe i can start with my tutorial class. heh.
ok that was a long story on ms tutorial. eeeeeek. haha.
then 3- 3.50 i was gecko- ing with kris. saw the big hair guy again. keep seeing him. today he came up and said "eh i keep bumping into you ah... what's ur name?" so apparently he's faisal. heard that he's a SHEIKH faisal- might explain the hair- and also PS Club president. waaaaaa. anyway he's a fellow pgp- ian. interesting. now i know THREE malay boys living in PGP. luq, faizul, faisal. hmm.
4- 6 was evolution class. am coping pretty well i think. :) am pleased. had cookie during break, of course. saw the rehearsal for tmr's d n d performance. khekhe. i think people underestimate the might of USP-ians. we can be retards too u know. ROFL. just now was solid evidence of this level of retardation.
after class ended headed to keppel bay tower to collect my poor baby digi who has been TERRIBLY neglected for SO LONG... i'm so sorry. *kisses digi baby* now he's back n i'm not letting him go. *triumphant*
who needs men when you have a canon powershot a75?
definitely not me.
so shall be trigger happy for at least the next week. oh showed kris and laremy the middle finger today. hahaha. was actually trying to show them the smiley face i drew there. sigh. i'm so misunderstood...
then dinnered with luq safe n cheryl. later jared, a canadian, joined us. pgp is blessed with hot ang mohs. whee! haha.
bought chips and coke. am depressed. eating comfort food now.
but i'm happy. outward. surface. you know. simply. but deeper in n scratch beneath the surface...
there's so much more to me that you just can't see.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
heavy day.
youknowlikeit'syourperiodandthere'sheavyflow?
yeah today is heavy day.
rain was heavy.
workload was heavy.
brain was heavy.
mind was heavy.
bag was heavy.
bladder were CONSTANTLY heavy.
you get the idea.
at least had fun dinner when i got back. luq, jack, nian and some new guy... faizul? or sth la.
homework now. shall try to think positive. it's for my future. i'm trying to be value- oriented here.
yessssssssss ah.
youknowlikeit'syourperiodandthere'sheavyflow?
yeah today is heavy day.
rain was heavy.
workload was heavy.
brain was heavy.
mind was heavy.
bag was heavy.
bladder were CONSTANTLY heavy.
you get the idea.
at least had fun dinner when i got back. luq, jack, nian and some new guy... faizul? or sth la.
homework now. shall try to think positive. it's for my future. i'm trying to be value- oriented here.
yessssssssss ah.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
(click to enlarge in case it looks too retarded this small)
i know i am a HORRIBLY bad artist. but the MAIN idea is there k. more details...
-he has to be at least 1.7m. he has to be FUNNY. or else i got nothing to laugh about other than his (lack of) sense of humour.
-he has to be intelligent to some extent and PLEASE don't sms me with bad grammar. somehow that is my pet peeve ok. ya. history has proven so.
-oh ya. and be a confident cockass person so that my constant ego- deflating comments won't turn you into chicken porridge.
ok? so now you know what i want. now please me. :) haha.
Monday, August 23, 2004
sushiology.
am getting loaded with soci terms. repudiated, vacillition, moiety, demagogues. aiyeee.
stress is piling but nothing i can't handle.
i'm in denial. maybe one day i'll wake up and very suddenly notice this hole here but for now i'm just keeping it all under control.
you are a retard. really. i don't get you. you say one thing then do something else when you're with me. stop pretending. whatever nonsense crisis you're going through it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me so don't lash it out on me. you little balding squinty- eyed retard. harumph.
now that THAT is out of the way. hehe.
school was fine today. really wanted to bonk that PRC during Islam Civic studies. grrrrr.
"uh um basically right i got two points to make. one right is why as in why as in why, i mean *swallows saliva* why is it that there is such a distinct dichotomy between christianity and islam? weren't they more tolerable before? what is it that has has has like brought about this uhh well this uhh change? secondly right, i'm just assuming here i can't be too sure, but is the solidarity necessarily religiously inclined? is it possible, like chinese- indonesians, they reacted due to cultural diversity and economic disparaty?"
the latter question hence provoked the indo- chi in my class. hence a lifelong discussion on this nonsense which has absolutely nothing to do with class: today was supposedly about CRUSADES. what the hell right.
then he wanted to bring up a THIRD point. A/P Syed Farid Alatas said ok k we discuss your point next week k when we discuss contemporary issues. thank GOD.
listen to him la! aiyo. *bonk bonk bonk*
evolution is getting better. actually understand it now..... whooooooooooo. *bright light shines at end of tunnel*
speaking of which. just now while sitting at gecko's with the girls this blonde ang moh who is possibly a pgp- ian smiled at me. i was "floating" and felt a need to display my joy outwardly. in fear of chaos if i actually overturn the table i grinned like an idiot and lifted my empty plate to shoulder height and went "haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" a.k.a. hallelujah tune.
hahaha. now THAT cracked the girls up. sigh.
hafiz drove me back to my dorm just now. wahaha. so fun right. make people wonder wonder. silly konok hypocritical people who claim to be conservative. pfffffffft. go mess your own head wondering la k. i couldn't give a hoot. i believe in platonic friendships now so if you don't then my, my. that's really YOUR problem innit.
oriental screamfest still on for thursday. naz, sheen? on? dunno if shud ask boys. if they scream louder than us we might never see em' the same way again. and after nian innocently confessed to me on his fear to enter pgp toilet cuz of an "eerie" light he saw after our scary stories exchange... hmmmmm. makes me question the braveness of our 21 year old men.
can't think straight lately.
could i ever?
am getting loaded with soci terms. repudiated, vacillition, moiety, demagogues. aiyeee.
stress is piling but nothing i can't handle.
i'm in denial. maybe one day i'll wake up and very suddenly notice this hole here but for now i'm just keeping it all under control.
you are a retard. really. i don't get you. you say one thing then do something else when you're with me. stop pretending. whatever nonsense crisis you're going through it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me so don't lash it out on me. you little balding squinty- eyed retard. harumph.
now that THAT is out of the way. hehe.
school was fine today. really wanted to bonk that PRC during Islam Civic studies. grrrrr.
"uh um basically right i got two points to make. one right is why as in why as in why, i mean *swallows saliva* why is it that there is such a distinct dichotomy between christianity and islam? weren't they more tolerable before? what is it that has has has like brought about this uhh well this uhh change? secondly right, i'm just assuming here i can't be too sure, but is the solidarity necessarily religiously inclined? is it possible, like chinese- indonesians, they reacted due to cultural diversity and economic disparaty?"
the latter question hence provoked the indo- chi in my class. hence a lifelong discussion on this nonsense which has absolutely nothing to do with class: today was supposedly about CRUSADES. what the hell right.
then he wanted to bring up a THIRD point. A/P Syed Farid Alatas said ok k we discuss your point next week k when we discuss contemporary issues. thank GOD.
listen to him la! aiyo. *bonk bonk bonk*
evolution is getting better. actually understand it now..... whooooooooooo. *bright light shines at end of tunnel*
speaking of which. just now while sitting at gecko's with the girls this blonde ang moh who is possibly a pgp- ian smiled at me. i was "floating" and felt a need to display my joy outwardly. in fear of chaos if i actually overturn the table i grinned like an idiot and lifted my empty plate to shoulder height and went "haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" a.k.a. hallelujah tune.
hahaha. now THAT cracked the girls up. sigh.
hafiz drove me back to my dorm just now. wahaha. so fun right. make people wonder wonder. silly konok hypocritical people who claim to be conservative. pfffffffft. go mess your own head wondering la k. i couldn't give a hoot. i believe in platonic friendships now so if you don't then my, my. that's really YOUR problem innit.
oriental screamfest still on for thursday. naz, sheen? on? dunno if shud ask boys. if they scream louder than us we might never see em' the same way again. and after nian innocently confessed to me on his fear to enter pgp toilet cuz of an "eerie" light he saw after our scary stories exchange... hmmmmm. makes me question the braveness of our 21 year old men.
can't think straight lately.
could i ever?
constant fascination and i just can't stop rambling...
voices.
voices and voices and voices in my head.
you peel. peel away like a shedding cobra.
shouting quarrels screaming fighting... no no yes. but well there's no answer.
think what you want it doesn't matter anyway. why judge what you don't know.
why why why. i hate this crap. so crappy. so so irrelevant and redundant and insignificant yet it all culminates and affects one and all.
i want to punch you in the face and watch you bleed as your eyes sink into it's sockets and as your teeth shatter and fall out of your mouth.
i want to throttle you so bad your neck snaps right off and your head lolls off in an amusing disfigured manner.
i want to be a boxer. and that i will be. all my angst for you will be punched and slugged out into all that physical motion of just lashing out.
lately i realize i do alot of these... discourse.
divergent tangential thoughts.
i feel so worried for myself cuz i know i've never been like this before.
but i know there' s nothing to worry because. well because i don't worry bout myself much.
i don't feel a need to worry. should i?
i don't want to talk to you. i just want to sleep.
insomnia.
i lie in bed staring at the rotating fan spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning.
it doesn't draw me in like i want it to.
it doesn't pull me into hypnotism or make me sink into the depths of swirls.
the sky changes when i close my eyes. even for a while...
i remember smoke. smoke. lips and tongues and tangled bodies and confusion and pain and many many things.
i'm like an unravelling amnesia patient. i'm talking and talking but i don't make sense.
do i even want to anymore?
talking talking but no one's listening.
why.
who don't you listen cuz i always do...
why do i listen when you don't.
ears.
i want. i want i want i want.
you know it all don't matter. we all die.
voices.
voices and voices and voices in my head.
you peel. peel away like a shedding cobra.
shouting quarrels screaming fighting... no no yes. but well there's no answer.
think what you want it doesn't matter anyway. why judge what you don't know.
why why why. i hate this crap. so crappy. so so irrelevant and redundant and insignificant yet it all culminates and affects one and all.
i want to punch you in the face and watch you bleed as your eyes sink into it's sockets and as your teeth shatter and fall out of your mouth.
i want to throttle you so bad your neck snaps right off and your head lolls off in an amusing disfigured manner.
i want to be a boxer. and that i will be. all my angst for you will be punched and slugged out into all that physical motion of just lashing out.
lately i realize i do alot of these... discourse.
divergent tangential thoughts.
i feel so worried for myself cuz i know i've never been like this before.
but i know there' s nothing to worry because. well because i don't worry bout myself much.
i don't feel a need to worry. should i?
i don't want to talk to you. i just want to sleep.
insomnia.
i lie in bed staring at the rotating fan spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning.
it doesn't draw me in like i want it to.
it doesn't pull me into hypnotism or make me sink into the depths of swirls.
the sky changes when i close my eyes. even for a while...
i remember smoke. smoke. lips and tongues and tangled bodies and confusion and pain and many many things.
i'm like an unravelling amnesia patient. i'm talking and talking but i don't make sense.
do i even want to anymore?
talking talking but no one's listening.
why.
who don't you listen cuz i always do...
why do i listen when you don't.
ears.
i want. i want i want i want.
you know it all don't matter. we all die.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Someday our fight will be won then,
We'll stand in the sun then,
That bright afternoon.
Till then, on days when the sun is gone,
We'll hang on,
Wish upon the moon.
Someday, All 4 One.
"i'm sorry i put my hands between your legs and said it was small"
heard that while combing through jurong east's cash converter. what a cool song. lol.
dance ensemble open class was a KILLER. whoooooo.
had my bandito and now am pleased as a punch. i could eat that thing EVERYDAY man. who cares bout the bird flu. if you've gotta go, you're gonna go.
shall khoo lilin, darwin, spencer and esler my time away in a while.
slowly catching up... and picking up pieces of my life...
i'll be fine, and i hope same goes for you too. :)
things seldom turn out the way we want them to. i think if everything keeps going our way, we tend to believe we're in control. this way, when things go wrong and miracles happen after it, we realize that there is a God up there.
and i believe in You.
heard that while combing through jurong east's cash converter. what a cool song. lol.
dance ensemble open class was a KILLER. whoooooo.
had my bandito and now am pleased as a punch. i could eat that thing EVERYDAY man. who cares bout the bird flu. if you've gotta go, you're gonna go.
shall khoo lilin, darwin, spencer and esler my time away in a while.
slowly catching up... and picking up pieces of my life...
i'll be fine, and i hope same goes for you too. :)
things seldom turn out the way we want them to. i think if everything keeps going our way, we tend to believe we're in control. this way, when things go wrong and miracles happen after it, we realize that there is a God up there.
and i believe in You.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
i could be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky.
firstly, God bless true friends. and of course, thank You Allah for blessing me with a caring & understanding mother.
i hope she can make him understand. i've lost my abilities to articulate my thoughts and emotions.
today was unusually busy for a non- school day. dorming "priveleges" i guess. you're pretty much "in" school 24/7.
10:00 a.m. symposium meeting. ho humm. some men got VERY long nasal hair. so disturbing and gross.
12:00 noon lunched with ling, the ever- elusive girl. clued her in on "purple boy" and told her to keep an eye out for him. bwahaha.
12:30 noon interview session. went pretty well i think. but think i sounded a little cocky. cuz i had a sweet in my mouth. ??? haha. you know. like how those american obnoxious jocks chew gum and talk back to their teachers. =x i'm rambling aren't i.
slacked in my room till 2- ish. then met luq to use his cashcard first to photocopy my BC then proceeded to U hall to submit the wretched CPF form.
then home. 4- ish, met him.
i can't explain it. i love you. we all know that. you're so present and ubiquitious in my life that it's impossible to proceed existence without you. but the situation is not my call. it's your circumstances. i don't want you to keep lying either. i don't bask in the glory of living a life lying away. we need to make it open. if not then, we can't have it till it can be open. we're matured adults. i hope we can conclude this peacefully without compromising on our needs. :)
5:15 p.m. met hakim for movie. watched collateral. he went town for AVP. *rolls eyes* haha. boys.
7- ish onwards was home chatting with mum. some catching up... then left at 8-ish....
for holland v. yes i know. it's beginning to sound like i had a 28 hour day.
holland v with kris, nian, clem, and later, daniel. :P
fun- ness.
supposed to catch some band at wala wala but it was too crowded so we sat & chat at TCC instead. yummmmmmy. try mocha villa. OMIGOD it's good.
mighty joe young's good too. CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE IS SINNNNNNNNNN. *devilish grin*
so try k. The Coffee Connosieur. one opening at peranakan place too. thumbs up for the fab service. got free parfum- for being fantastic friendly customers. :) i like.
chatted, talked cock. then daniel desired real filling food.
off we went to N.Y.D.C. haha. we were cafe- hopping.
dan had jedi mudster *yum*, kris tiramisu mudcake which looked so pretty. lol.
me & nian shared a pizza. triple mozz w mushroom no more no less. we call it the pizza ala picasso pablo fungi. doink. lol.
night stretched... chatted on and incessantly... drifted to ghost stories....
typical singaporeans.
i was paling by the time we left at 2 a.m. geez.
MANY stories ok. but most importantly, we now have an event lined up.
ORIENTAL HORROR MOVIE MARATHON/ SCREAMFEST @ Kristy's pad. :D
i see girls & boys & food & many many shrieks. best. :)
thankfully kris lives near holland v so she could walk home while i thankfully shared the cab with the two boys to PGP.
i was seriously freaked. i jumped at the sight of the sweet innocent little marmalade cat. *snort*
oh. no more crush on anyone. i am the au- naturel tres temporal child. baa.
dan & nian jio me go run tomorrow. at 7:30 a.m. retards & seniles. i REFUSE to succumb to the powers of madness.
today was pretty good.
in a safe non- risky way.
wish we could figure something out.
:)
getting better now. feeling less & less depressed.
maya: it's ok. i saw u two also quite umm last minute. haha. hafiz: you are DINK. i am DOINK. hana: sorry i didn't really get back to you. time swallows time. pffft.
so i love you.
cheers. *clink*
firstly, God bless true friends. and of course, thank You Allah for blessing me with a caring & understanding mother.
i hope she can make him understand. i've lost my abilities to articulate my thoughts and emotions.
today was unusually busy for a non- school day. dorming "priveleges" i guess. you're pretty much "in" school 24/7.
10:00 a.m. symposium meeting. ho humm. some men got VERY long nasal hair. so disturbing and gross.
12:00 noon lunched with ling, the ever- elusive girl. clued her in on "purple boy" and told her to keep an eye out for him. bwahaha.
12:30 noon interview session. went pretty well i think. but think i sounded a little cocky. cuz i had a sweet in my mouth. ??? haha. you know. like how those american obnoxious jocks chew gum and talk back to their teachers. =x i'm rambling aren't i.
slacked in my room till 2- ish. then met luq to use his cashcard first to photocopy my BC then proceeded to U hall to submit the wretched CPF form.
then home. 4- ish, met him.
i can't explain it. i love you. we all know that. you're so present and ubiquitious in my life that it's impossible to proceed existence without you. but the situation is not my call. it's your circumstances. i don't want you to keep lying either. i don't bask in the glory of living a life lying away. we need to make it open. if not then, we can't have it till it can be open. we're matured adults. i hope we can conclude this peacefully without compromising on our needs. :)
5:15 p.m. met hakim for movie. watched collateral. he went town for AVP. *rolls eyes* haha. boys.
7- ish onwards was home chatting with mum. some catching up... then left at 8-ish....
for holland v. yes i know. it's beginning to sound like i had a 28 hour day.
holland v with kris, nian, clem, and later, daniel. :P
fun- ness.
supposed to catch some band at wala wala but it was too crowded so we sat & chat at TCC instead. yummmmmmy. try mocha villa. OMIGOD it's good.
mighty joe young's good too. CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE IS SINNNNNNNNNN. *devilish grin*
so try k. The Coffee Connosieur. one opening at peranakan place too. thumbs up for the fab service. got free parfum- for being fantastic friendly customers. :) i like.
chatted, talked cock. then daniel desired real filling food.
off we went to N.Y.D.C. haha. we were cafe- hopping.
dan had jedi mudster *yum*, kris tiramisu mudcake which looked so pretty. lol.
me & nian shared a pizza. triple mozz w mushroom no more no less. we call it the pizza ala picasso pablo fungi. doink. lol.
night stretched... chatted on and incessantly... drifted to ghost stories....
typical singaporeans.
i was paling by the time we left at 2 a.m. geez.
MANY stories ok. but most importantly, we now have an event lined up.
ORIENTAL HORROR MOVIE MARATHON/ SCREAMFEST @ Kristy's pad. :D
i see girls & boys & food & many many shrieks. best. :)
thankfully kris lives near holland v so she could walk home while i thankfully shared the cab with the two boys to PGP.
i was seriously freaked. i jumped at the sight of the sweet innocent little marmalade cat. *snort*
oh. no more crush on anyone. i am the au- naturel tres temporal child. baa.
dan & nian jio me go run tomorrow. at 7:30 a.m. retards & seniles. i REFUSE to succumb to the powers of madness.
today was pretty good.
in a safe non- risky way.
wish we could figure something out.
:)
getting better now. feeling less & less depressed.
maya: it's ok. i saw u two also quite umm last minute. haha. hafiz: you are DINK. i am DOINK. hana: sorry i didn't really get back to you. time swallows time. pffft.
so i love you.
cheers. *clink*
Thursday, August 19, 2004
honey i burn for soothe.
finally got my constant craving craving satisfied. *wink*
thanks hana. the dinner meant alot cuz it was a much- needed break. to be honest, i'm still pretty much in the same state as i was 2 days ago. but ignorance is always bliss and in this delusional bliss i shall remain.
tomorrow is symposium meeting and possible thai YEP interview. hope i get it. or else i'll go for south africa one which is so much more expensive. but elephants! yumyum.
sigh.
can't keep pretending. i don't want to think of the situation.
life. why art thou so?
.............................................................................
one beautiful day... i'll wake up... in a forest... in a tent... next to a glittering waterfall... cool clean water... rocks... soft sand... clear clear water... just sit in my shirt and shorts... eat rice cooked by my little fire... some simply cooked fish... some fresh fruits... pack in a few days... and trot off to tioman... or thailand... or bali...
one day. :)
finally got my constant craving craving satisfied. *wink*
thanks hana. the dinner meant alot cuz it was a much- needed break. to be honest, i'm still pretty much in the same state as i was 2 days ago. but ignorance is always bliss and in this delusional bliss i shall remain.
tomorrow is symposium meeting and possible thai YEP interview. hope i get it. or else i'll go for south africa one which is so much more expensive. but elephants! yumyum.
sigh.
can't keep pretending. i don't want to think of the situation.
life. why art thou so?
.............................................................................
one beautiful day... i'll wake up... in a forest... in a tent... next to a glittering waterfall... cool clean water... rocks... soft sand... clear clear water... just sit in my shirt and shorts... eat rice cooked by my little fire... some simply cooked fish... some fresh fruits... pack in a few days... and trot off to tioman... or thailand... or bali...
one day. :)
hoooooooo. sigh. was there EVER a question that he's hot? i shall always remember august 14th. if not for the music at the very least, for him. i think i quite enjoy moshing now. :)
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
anyone headed to W.O.M.A.D?
want to go to 27th and 28th one. one day greed will kill me but till that day comes i shall remain greedy.
and stupid.
sigh.
what is it about uni life that makes me feel so...
drowned?
i read last night's entries. i guess it's pretty scary. i sounded scary.
yeaaaaaaaaaa. well.
i am depressed.
very. very. very.
want to go to 27th and 28th one. one day greed will kill me but till that day comes i shall remain greedy.
and stupid.
sigh.
what is it about uni life that makes me feel so...
drowned?
i read last night's entries. i guess it's pretty scary. i sounded scary.
yeaaaaaaaaaa. well.
i am depressed.
very. very. very.
share. they say.
share it.
but i don't want to. i like drowning in my own pain. i like pain. pain makes you realize you're real.
i want to turn to someone. i really do.
but at the end of the day if i myself do not know where i am who i am and where i stand and what i want who else can tell me these?
i would love friends. really. but somehow that's not real.
i wonder if love is just huge fake fad. was it part of life to begin with or did it just stem out of humanity's neediness? our need to be desired and wanted and to desire and want?
i love life. i think i do. when i get one i'll know right. i mean that's what they all say.
i know life don't suck. i hate saying that and i have zero respect for people who say that. cuz then ur just being ungrateful.
but i wish. i wish i wish i wish. i wish on a star for a camel to ride but no sand in my eye to tear up my life.
i know i sound really psychotic. this is possibly a nervous breakdown. though i'm not really nervous right now.
you know what i'll love to do right know?
to just let my knees wobble. melt to the floor. and cry.
.............
but i'm still here. headstrong. obstinate. stubbornly surging on blindly and crashing into walls and obstacles and just banging myself against the wall willing myself to disintergrate by self- destruction.
i don't want to die.
i hope no one gets overly- worried about me after this. this is possibly just 3 a.m. talk.
really. i would love to embrace life and love and clouds and blue sky and hafiz and black crows and pigeons and trees and all the apples on it but really.
i can't.
can't can't can't.
maybe it's a choice. maybe it's not. maybe i'm doing this to myself... optional.
random thoughts.
i hate men with wide girths who think i am a bad naughty girl. that's crap. don't judge me by comparing me to the rest.
i hate the education system i am in yet i've doggedly obeyed it day in day out like a stupid muffled child stifled by a pillow suffocating her breathe yet she stubbornly lives.
hunger is not an issue.
maybe i just want to think that i'm smart. when i'm not. but i really want to believe it.
i really really want things. many many things.
but paper skies and purple trees don't happen. and life don't end when u want it to.
so u go on.
share it.
but i don't want to. i like drowning in my own pain. i like pain. pain makes you realize you're real.
i want to turn to someone. i really do.
but at the end of the day if i myself do not know where i am who i am and where i stand and what i want who else can tell me these?
i would love friends. really. but somehow that's not real.
i wonder if love is just huge fake fad. was it part of life to begin with or did it just stem out of humanity's neediness? our need to be desired and wanted and to desire and want?
i love life. i think i do. when i get one i'll know right. i mean that's what they all say.
i know life don't suck. i hate saying that and i have zero respect for people who say that. cuz then ur just being ungrateful.
but i wish. i wish i wish i wish. i wish on a star for a camel to ride but no sand in my eye to tear up my life.
i know i sound really psychotic. this is possibly a nervous breakdown. though i'm not really nervous right now.
you know what i'll love to do right know?
to just let my knees wobble. melt to the floor. and cry.
.............
but i'm still here. headstrong. obstinate. stubbornly surging on blindly and crashing into walls and obstacles and just banging myself against the wall willing myself to disintergrate by self- destruction.
i don't want to die.
i hope no one gets overly- worried about me after this. this is possibly just 3 a.m. talk.
really. i would love to embrace life and love and clouds and blue sky and hafiz and black crows and pigeons and trees and all the apples on it but really.
i can't.
can't can't can't.
maybe it's a choice. maybe it's not. maybe i'm doing this to myself... optional.
random thoughts.
i hate men with wide girths who think i am a bad naughty girl. that's crap. don't judge me by comparing me to the rest.
i hate the education system i am in yet i've doggedly obeyed it day in day out like a stupid muffled child stifled by a pillow suffocating her breathe yet she stubbornly lives.
hunger is not an issue.
maybe i just want to think that i'm smart. when i'm not. but i really want to believe it.
i really really want things. many many things.
but paper skies and purple trees don't happen. and life don't end when u want it to.
so u go on.
did life have a meaning to begin with or did i just lost it along the way?
i wish i knew my way back then.
life is ending.
it's spiralling downwards and i can't stop it so i just keep smiling and laughing then crying then smile again and again and again till this whole load of bullshit come to an abrupt end and i cease to exist...
much to the pleasure of most.
i wish i knew my way back then.
life is ending.
it's spiralling downwards and i can't stop it so i just keep smiling and laughing then crying then smile again and again and again till this whole load of bullshit come to an abrupt end and i cease to exist...
much to the pleasure of most.
am deluded. delusional. jaded. exhausted. tired.
drained beyond my means.
stretched beyond recognition.
terribly lagging.
ugh ugh ugh.
oh. at least i finally got my internet up. so hello world.
drained beyond my means.
stretched beyond recognition.
terribly lagging.
ugh ugh ugh.
oh. at least i finally got my internet up. so hello world.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
wahaha. am at laremy's dorm now. Kent Ridge Hall. not bad. quite big, but not as pretty as my dorm... lol.
lectures been ok so far. malay studies is gonna be the doom of me. A/P Shaharuddin Maaruf is too funny for words.
soci was ok. of course. so was history. all's been well, basically.
anyways. i'm so flustered. for books, coursebooks, notes, readings, bla bla bla...
ugh.
uni life is tiring and very time- consuming. anyone who thinks it's very free & easy n ladidadida happy is mad.
so yeah.
haha. k la. but i am having fun. cuz i've got such nice new friends. love love love them. :)
lectures been ok so far. malay studies is gonna be the doom of me. A/P Shaharuddin Maaruf is too funny for words.
soci was ok. of course. so was history. all's been well, basically.
anyways. i'm so flustered. for books, coursebooks, notes, readings, bla bla bla...
ugh.
uni life is tiring and very time- consuming. anyone who thinks it's very free & easy n ladidadida happy is mad.
so yeah.
haha. k la. but i am having fun. cuz i've got such nice new friends. love love love them. :)
Sunday, August 01, 2004
READ MY FACE: FEAR. i am leaving soon. to go to my NEW residence. suddenly am not all excited anymore. just a bundle of nerves... ulp.
*hint hint clue clue* also on Yahoo! Auctions. Starting bid $28. Gorgeous Levi's bag... i want. alot alot.
my birthday's in about A month's time. *huge wink*
our first hari raya together. he's still that same old cutie. that smile that melts me. the way he talks that amuses me. the way he says "i love you" then proceeds to do a funny gesture with his hands. the way he ruffles my hair up when i keep asking stupid questions like "when did you first like me? why do you like me? am i fat? am i tall? am i short? what am i?"